E297 - Keep Your Farewells Short

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Kag
    Too hot.
[00:01] Kag
    I'm saying you guys are
    making it too hot in here!
[00:04] Kag
    Get out! This is my parasol, 'kay?!
[00:07] Gin
    Hey, Kagura. I'm borrowing
    this parasol, okay?
[00:11] Gin
    Kagura.
[00:12] Gin
    Hey, Kagura!
[00:13] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[00:14] DBJ
    Unfortunately, this hospital doesn't
    have any detailed data on the Yato race.
[00:18] Shin
    It's all because we took Kagura-chan's
    premise lightly and did such a horrible thing!
[00:22] Gin
    I'll be staying in this
    room from today on, too.
[00:24] Gin
    So, uh...
[00:25] Gin
    You can relax and get some sleep.
[00:27] Gin
    This room is the same as
    the Odd Jobs you know.
[00:30] Kag
    Looks like he's reflected
    on his actions a little.
[00:33] Kag
    I kinda feel better now.
[00:36] Gin
    Kagura!
[00:37] Gin
    Hang in there, Kagura!
[00:39] Gin
    Kagura!
[00:39] Kag
    Th-This is bad.
[00:41] Shin
    Kagura-chan, hang in there!
[00:43] Shin
    Please come back to us, Kagura-chan!
[00:44] Kag
    I'm ready to come back at any time,
    so just give me a chance to!
[00:47] Oto
    She's fought long enough.
[00:50] Oto
    Let her rest in peace.
[00:54] Oki
    Give it a rest.
SIGN    Keep Your Farewells Short
SIGN    Kagura's request: Watch this program in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV, 'kay...
[02:36] Oki
    Give it a rest.
[02:41] Kag
    Soyo-chan!
[02:43] Kag
    And those guys!
[02:46] Soyo
    Kagura-chan!
[02:47] Kon
    Forgive me for acting on my own, Otae-san.
[02:51] Kon
    But I just couldn't keep it from her.
[02:54] Hij
    Relax. We're not gonna make
    any funeral offerings.
[02:58] Hij
    We're only escorting the princess.
[03:00] Kag
    Did those guys bring Soyo-chan
    here? I can't believe it.
[03:05] Oki
    Look at all of you, going on about
    crap like offerings and funerals.
[03:09] Oki
    Knock it off. You're in the
    presence of the princess.
[03:13] Oki
    And this runt ain't dead yet.
[03:16] Oki
    You know she ain't the type to be
    killed off by something like this.
[03:21] Oki
    Rest assured, Princess.
[03:24] Oki
    She... She...
[03:28] Oki
    ain't gonna die until me and
    her settle things for good.
[03:37] Kon
    Sogo...
[03:46] Soyo
    Okita-san is right.
[03:48] Soyo
    So please, everyone.
[03:50] Soyo
    Don't go deciding on Kagura-chan's funeral.
[03:53] Soyo
    Quit being so cruel.
[03:56] Soyo
    Kagura-chan is still alive.
[03:59] Soyo
    She's still breathing!
[04:03] Soyo
    Please, at least let her decide
    on her funeral herself!
[04:07] Kag
    Uh, you're the cruelest one here!
[04:09] Kag
    What do you mean, "decide
    on her funeral herself"?!
[04:11] Soyo
    Kagura-chan...
[04:13] Soyo
    I'll grant any wishes you might have.
[04:19] Soyo
    How do you want to die?
[04:21] Kag
    You're telling me to choose how
    I die while I'm still alive?!
[04:23] Kag
    A natural-born sadist!
[04:24] Kag
    Keep your sadistic tendencies
    in check, Soyo-chan!
[04:27] Soyo
    Please say something, Kagura-chan!
[04:30] Kag
    I know!
[04:31] Kag
    I'll use her talking to me to revive!
[04:34] Kag
    I—
[04:35] Oki
    What was that?
[04:37] Oki
    Oh, okay.
[04:40] Kag
    I can't breathe! What does
    he think he's doing?!
[04:43] Oki
    I've figured out what she wants, Princess.
[04:47] Soyo
    Really?
[04:48] Kag
    I-I'm fading...
[04:50] Oki
    Let's start preparing for
    the service right away.
[05:09] Kag
    Huh? Where am I?
[05:11] Kag
    Huh? I can't move my body or speak.
[05:16] Kag
    Am I still half asleep?
[05:24] Gin
    She's got such a peaceful look.
[05:28] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[05:29] Kag
    What are these idiots doing?
[05:31] G
    We're all set.
[05:33] Shin
    Go ahead, then.
[05:36] Kag
    What? Go ahead with what?
[06:08] Kag
    Uh, what the heck? No way.
[06:14] Kag
    Is this...
SIGN    Princess Soyo's Friend
    Kagura-chan's Funeral Site
[06:18] Kag
    the beginning of my funeral?!
[06:24] Kag
    What's more,
[06:25] Kag
    I'm getting a state funeral?!
SIGN    Goodbye, Kagura-chan.
[06:32] Oki
    Princess, I'm sure she's
    overjoyed right about now
[06:36] Oki
    that she gets such a grand send-off.
[06:40] Kag
    Don't tell me...
[06:42] Oki
    Not only that, she gets
    what she's always wanted...
[06:46] Oki
    She's bathing in sunlight
[06:49] Oki
    inside a tanning salon-style coffin
    as she departs for the afterlife.
[06:53] Kag
    That... That bastard...
[06:57] Kag
    He knows!
SIGN    Princess Soyo's Friend
    Kagura-chan's Funeral Site
[07:45] Oto
    Thank you all so much for coming today.
[07:52] Oto
    So many of you have gathered here.
[07:56] Oto
    I'm sure that's made her very happy.
[08:01] Oto
    As you can see from her smile, she
    was a girl that hated gloomy scenes,
[08:07] Oto
    so please,
[08:10] Oto
    send her off with a smile today.
[08:15] Oto
    I'm sure that's the best
    parting gift we can offer her.
[08:20] Oto
    Now please come, one by one, to place
    your flowers of tribute in the coffin
[08:25] Oto
    and say your last farewells to her.
[08:34] Oki
    Allow me to go first.
[08:37] Shin
    Okita-san.
[08:40] Kon
    Sogo...
[08:42] Kon
    I never thought I'd see him like this.
[08:45] Kon
    They fought every time
    they ran into each other,
[08:49] Kon
    but I guess, to people,
[08:51] Kon
    losing a good friend
[08:54] Kon
    and losing an enemy you'd
    always have spats with
[08:58] Kon
    aren't all that different.
[09:04] Kag
    Curse you!
[09:07] Oki
    How d'you like the coffin? Nice and cozy?
[09:10] Oki
    I figured you'd at least like to
    bask in sunlight in the afterlife,
[09:15] Oki
    so I specially prepared this tanning
    salon-style coffin for you.
[09:18] Kag
    Hot!
[09:20] Kag
    My body's burning up!
[09:22] Kag
    What the hell are you thinking?!
[09:24] Kag
    Let me out! Let me outta here!
[09:27] Oki
    Yeah, I can tell how deeply thankful you
    are to me, even if you don't say a word.
[09:31] Kag
    Thankful, my ass!
[09:33] Oki
    You did all that because you wanted
    to test their love for you, right?
[09:38] Oki
    In that case, instead of feigning illness,
[09:39] Oki
    dying would better let you see
    how they truly feel about you.
[09:43] Oki
    Don't worry. You won't be able to move
    or speak for another twelve hours.
[09:48] Oki
    It'll be the perfect playing-dead act.
[09:50] Oki
    Not many people get the chance
    to see their own funerals,
[09:54] Oki
    so you'd better be grateful.
[09:57] Oki
    If their love for you is real,
[09:59] Oki
    I'm sure they'll notice.
[10:02] Oki
    Though, by then, you might
    already be burned to a crisp
[10:06] Oki
    inside this coffin or the incinerator.
[10:09] Oki
    Well, you reap what you sow.
[10:12] Oki
    If you must resent someone,
[10:13] Oki
    resent yourself for doing something
    so stupid as faking an illness.
[10:15] Kag
    Hold it!
[10:17] Kag
    Get back here, you scumbag!
[10:19] Kag
    I can't believe it! He was the last
    person I wanted to figure it out!
[10:23] Kag
    He's trying to use my fake illness
    as a pretext to kill me off!
[10:27] Kag
    So hot! I can't take this!
[10:30] Kag
    At this rate, I'll go to heaven for real!
[10:34] Kag
    I need to do something!
[10:35] Kag
    I can't move or speak,
[10:38] Kag
    but if this many people are
    gonna come say their farewells,
[10:41] Kag
    then I'm sure someone will notice I'm alive!
[10:44] Kag
    They just need to take a good
    look at my flushed complexion!
[10:54] Soyo
    Excuse me, everyone!
[10:56] Soyo
    Perhaps due to the tanning
    salon-style coffin,
[10:58] Soyo
    the body is starting to deteriorate.
[11:00] Soyo
    We're running out of time.
[11:02] Soyo
    In order to make things more efficient,
[11:04] Soyo
    we'll put the coffin on a conveyor belt,
[11:07] Soyo
    so please say your farewells
    as it goes past you.
[11:10] Kag
    What kind of farewell is that?!
[11:13] Kag
    Soyo-chan, don't let him trick you!
[11:15] Soyo
    The belt runs from this funeral
    parlor to the crematory.
SIGN    Funeral Parlor
[11:20] Soyo
    After everyone has said their farewells,
    the body will head to the crematory,
SIGN    Crematory
[11:24] Soyo
    where it'll automatically be turned
    into ashes and shipped to heaven.
SIGN    Crematory
SIGN    Venue
[11:27] Kag
    What is this, a factory?!
[11:29] Soyo
    Please make sure to be quick,
    so as to not clog up the line.
[11:35] Kag
    Hey! Could this funeral be
    any more inappropriate?!
[11:42] Oto
    Kagura...
[11:44] Oto
    How could you pass away before me?
[11:47] Oto
    How could you make me go through this?
[11:49] Oto
    You know, I saw you as my own daughter...
[11:52] Kag
    She's not done yet!
[11:53] Kag
    She's not done saying all
    those nice things yet!
[11:56] Cat
    Otose-san, you're taking too long.
[11:58] Cat
    You need to make it more compact!
[12:00] Cat
    Hey, wait!
[12:02] Tama
    Otose-sama, Catherine-sama,
[12:04] Tama
    you forgot to place your
    flowers in the coffin.
[12:06] Tama
    Hurry, give them to me!
[12:08] Tama
    Kagura-sama,
[12:10] Tama
    please rest in peace—
[12:15] Kag
    Wh-Where are you sticking them?!
[12:17] Kag
    How am I supposed to rest like this?!
[12:19] Tama
    Oh, no! Kyubei-sama!
[12:22] Tama
    Could you fix the roses, please?
[12:27] Kyu
    Wait, what?
[12:29] Kyu
    K-Kagura-chan, thanks for everything!
[12:34] Kag
    Why'd you fix the roses in my nose?!
[12:36] Tsu
    No, Kyubei! Roses, not nose!
[12:39] Tsu
    Pull out the roses!
[12:42] Tsu
    K-Kagura, I'll always be indebted to you!
[12:45] Kag
    What the hell are you guys doing?!
[12:48] Tsu
    Goodbye!
[12:53] Kag
    No, hello.
[12:56] Sac
    Hey!
[12:57] Sac
    Just how much brute strength
    have you got, Tsukki?!
[13:00] Sac
    Kagura-chan's...
[13:01] Tsu
    I-I did what I could!
[13:03] Tsu
    The rest is up to you, Sarutobi!
[13:05] Sac
    You say that after messing
    everything up? How irresponsible!
[13:11] Sac
    Push or pull, she's not budging!
[13:14] Sac
    What am I supposed to do?!
[13:15] Sac
    What should I do?!
[13:18] Sac
    Kagura-chan,
[13:19] Sac
    I'll make Gin-san happy,
[13:21] Sac
    so relax and go back to
    the afterlife already!
[13:26] Kag
    Can't breathe!
[13:27] Kon
    Hey, look.
[13:28] Kon
    What is that, Toshi?
[13:30] Kag
    Help, Toshi!
[13:32] Kag
    Somebody, anybody! Just help me!
[13:35] Hij
    I never knew there was
    a funeral rite like this.
[13:38] Hij
    Just what kind of religion was she a part of?
[13:40] Kon
    At times like these,
[13:42] Kon
    it doesn't matter if she
    was a friend or an enemy.
[13:44] Kon
    Let's give her a proper send-off, too.
[13:47] Kag
    No!
[13:48] Kag
    As if there'd ever be a
    funeral rite like this!
[13:51] Kag
    I'll die!
[13:52] Kag
    If I get hit with that, I'll die for real!
[13:54] Kag
    Speed up, conveyor belt!
[13:58] Hij
    We can't catch up!
[13:59] Kon
    Hang in there, Toshi!
[14:01] Kon
    Don't give up!
[14:02] Kag
    No, don't try so hard!
[14:04] Hij
    How pathetic of us.
[14:06] Hij
    Can't we even give a kid a proper send-off?!
[14:09] Kon
    We can! We can do this!
[14:12] Kon
    Let's throw this boulder onto that coffin!
[14:15] Kag
    I can't tell if these idiots
    are nice or evil!
[14:19] Tae
    What are you two doing?
[14:22] Kag
    Boss lady!
[14:24] Tae
    Why are you two carrying that boulder?
[14:28] Kag
    You're a lifesaver!
[14:29] Kag
    Stop those morons!
[14:32] Tae
    Why didn't you ask me for help?
[14:35] Kag
    That's what you take issue with?!
[14:37] Kon
    Otae-san!
[14:38] Tae
    Thank you, Kondo-san, Hijikata-san.
[14:41] Tae
    You're going so far for Kagura-chan...
[14:44] Tae
    Let's work together.
[14:46] Kag
    Hey!
[14:47] Kag
    They usually mix like oil and water, so why
    are they cooperating now, of all times?!
[15:01] Kon
    Let's do this!
[15:02] Kag
    Run away!
[15:03] Kag
    Run for it, conveyor belt!
[15:09] Hij
    Crap, it's a slope!
[15:10] Kon
    No! The boulder!
[15:13] Kag
    Nice. Now the boulder's done for.
[15:32] Kat
    I can't see you on the other side of the
    boulder, but I'll take over from here!
[15:38] Hij
    I can't see you on the other side of the
    boulder, but I'll leave the rest to you.
[15:42] Kag
    What?! Now they decide to help each
    other out, regardless of allegiances?!
[15:47] Kat
    Just you wait, Leader!
SIGN    Distance to Crematory
[15:51] Kag
    These mortal enemies have
    joined forces to try to kill me!
[15:59] W
    Hang in there!
[16:00] G
    Don't lose hope!
[16:01] Kag
    Who are you cheering for?!
[16:06] Kag
    Who are you singing for?!
[16:17] Kag
    Who is this funeral for?!
[16:20] Mad
    Now's your chance, guys!
[16:22] Mad
    While I'm offsetting the conveyor belt's motion,
[16:25] Mad
    crush the coffin along with me!
[16:28] Kag
    Just how badly do you guys
    want to send me off?!
[16:32] Kat
    Here we go, everyone!
[16:34] Kat
    Leader...
[16:36] All
    Goodbye!
[16:45] Kag
    Oh my God.
[16:47] Kag
    I can't believe this is actually
    gonna end up becoming my funeral.
[16:51] Kag
    Is this my punishment for getting
    mad over a trivial dispute
[16:55] Kag
    and faking illness to test
    their feelings for me?
[16:59] Kag
    But I never needed to.
    I already knew how they felt.
[17:03] Kag
    They ran around in circles
    and killed me in the end,
[17:07] Kag
    but they all came together for me.
[17:10] Kag
    They were all genuinely worried about me.
[17:15] Kag
    They all cried real tears for me.
[17:20] Kag
    And yet, I... I...
[17:23] Kag
    I should've said that one simple thing sooner...
[17:50] Shin
    Sorry, everyone.
[17:52] Shin
    While your desire to give Kagura-chan
    a proper send-off makes us happy,
[17:57] Shin
    we can't bid farewell to her just yet.
[18:01] Shin
    There's something we need to tell her first.
[18:11] Gin
    I forgot to return your parasol.
[18:14] Gin
    In truth, I thought about
    holding on to it as a memento,
[18:19] Gin
    but never mind raindrops or sunshine,
[18:21] Gin
    you're a girl even boulders rain down on.
[18:25] Gin
    You'll probably need this
    in heaven, too, right?
[18:29] Gin
    Kagura...
[18:33] Bo
    Sorry.
[18:35] Bo
    Huh?
[18:40] Kag
    Oh, crap. I said that out loud.
[18:49] Tae
    Uh, did Kagura-chan speak just now?
[18:53] Gin
    Sh-She didn't!
[18:54] Gin
    What's wrong with you?
[18:56] Shin
    After all the money and help we received,
[18:58] Shin
    there's no way we could play the
    "actually, she's still alive" card!
[19:02] Gin
    She's completely dead, right?
[19:03] Gin
    Yeah, no doubt about it!
[19:04] Gin
    She's dead!
[19:05] Shin
    Shall we continue the funeral?
[19:07] Shin
    Let's burn her to a crisp already!
[19:09] Tae
    Didn't she say "sorry"?
[19:11] Gin
    She didn't!
[19:12] Tae
    Could she have faked an illness
    to get back at you after a fight?
[19:15] Gin
    Of course not!
[19:17] Kag
    Crap.
[19:24] Gin
    Th-This is bad. I feel
    sick all of a sudden...
[19:27] Shin
    I-I'm sorry, but I don't feel too good,
[19:30] Shin
    so could we postpone the
    service to a later date?
[19:33] Tae
    Oh, no need to worry.
[19:35] Tae
    That illness you have is already terminal.
[19:40] Tae
    Let's resume...
[19:43] All
    ...the funeral for the three of you.
[19:45] Gin
    Wait! I didn't do anything wrong!
[19:47] Gin
    If you wanna cremate someone, cremate her!
[19:49] Kag
    What are you talking about?!
[19:50] Kag
    In the first place, this is all because you—
[19:51] Shin
    Sis, I'm just a victim here!
[19:54] Shin
    I just got mixed up in this!
[20:08] Soyo
    What a relief.
[20:10] Oki
    You can say that again.
SIGN    One Editor Is Enough
SIGN    The G-Pen Is Capricious, and the Maru Pen Is Stubborn
[21:45] Sha
    Next episode: "One Editor Is Enough," and
[21:48] Sha
    "The G-Pen Is Capricious,
    and the Maru Pen Is Stubborn."
SIGN    Preview
[21:51] Sha
    A double feature!
[21:52] Sha
    They're both about us, Akurogi Musai,
    and our road to manga stardom, Bro!
SIGN    This Winter
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    takes a sudden turn.
[22:05] Zen
    This isn't exciting.
[22:06] Zen
    Rather than guarding the shogun,
    assassinating him sounds way more exciting.
[22:11] Sac
    You've really forgotten, huh?
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
[22:15] Soyo
    Brother?
[22:17] Soyo
    Brother.
[22:19] Soyo
    Jeez, Brother!
[22:22] Sho
    Oh, Soyo.
[22:25] Sho
    Forgive me. I was lost in thought.
[22:28] Soyo
    Brother!
[22:29] Sho
    Don't tell me, it was poisoned?
SIGN    The Shogun Assassination Plot
SIGN    is put into motion.
SIGN    Enemy...
[22:33] Nbnb
    Shigeshige,
[22:34] Nbnb
    you no longer have any
    allies in this country.
[22:38] Mat
    Let's fight together for a buddy!
SIGN    Ally...
[22:42] Mat
    I'm counting on you, buddies.
[22:43] Mat
    And you too,
[22:45] Mat
    double.
[22:47] Gin
    Uh, not that I care, but
    could you hurry it up?
[22:50] Bo
    Why are you the double?!
[22:53] Oki
    I'm on your side, you know.
SIGN    Or Traitor?
[22:56] Kam
    Aren't you the same?
[22:58] Kam
    You have the eyes of a killer.
[23:00] Kon
    You're the only ones who can.
[23:02] Kag
    What are you so afraid of?
[23:04] Shin
    Gin-san...
[23:05] Shin
    Just what's going to happen to the world now?
[23:16] Tak
    Took you long enough.
[23:17] Tak
    I got sick of waiting for you,
[23:20] Tak
    Gintoki.
[23:27] Gin
    Before dawn.
[23:28] Gin
    The night is darkest just before the dawn.
SIGN    The past
    and
    the truth
SIGN    are revealed.
[23:31] Gin
    But keep your eyes open.
[23:35] Gin
    I'm Sakata Gintoki,
    disciple of Yoshida Shoyo!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
[23:44] Sho
    Zenzo...
[23:45] Sho
    I leave the rest to you.
SIGN    Begins airing December 2.
SIGN    The story
SIGN    begins to unfold.