E39 - Ramen Shops with Long Menus Never Do Well

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Katsura
    Keep the room well-lit and watch from a distance, okay?
SIGN    [Shinsengumi: the armed police of Edo. Today, they crack down on lanternless bicycles]
SIGN    [Wanted: Kotaro Katsura. Today, he is not a fruit punch samurai.]
SIGN    ["Ramen Shops with Long Menus Never Do Well"]
[01:54] Okita
    Just a minute.
[01:56] ---
    Okay, stop.
[01:59] Member C
    You're in violation, mister.
[02:01] Member C
    You're supposed to have a lantern when riding at night.
[02:04] ---
    Let me see now...
[02:06] Member C
    Is this bicycle registered for theft prevention?
[02:08] Katsura
    I'm not sure. I got this from a friend.
[02:12] Okita
    I see. Are you on your way home from shopping?
[02:15] ---
    Got any girlie mags? Porno mags?
[02:17] Katsura
    Uh, can I go now? I'm kinda busy.
[02:20] Member C
    We've had lot of panty burglaries around here recently.
[02:23] ---
    You know?
[02:24] ---
    The masked phantom loincloth burglar broke out of prison again.
[02:28] Katsura
    I prefer boxers.
[02:30] ---
    Bye.
[02:31] Okita
    Hang on, buddy, do you have any ID?
[02:35] Okita
    Hey, mister!
[02:39] Member C
    Commander Okita. That long hair!
[02:42] Okita
    Found you at last!
[02:43] Okita
    Katsura!
[02:52] Okita
    Farewell, Katsura.
[03:02] Katsura
    Farewell.
[03:10] Member A
    It's Katsura, of the Anti-foreigner faction.
[03:12] ---
    He's somewhere nearby!
[03:13] Member B
    Find him! We have to catch him!
[03:19] Okita
    I'm not letting you get away, Katsura.
[03:23] Okita
    That's...
[03:27] Member A
    Katsura, come out peacefully.
[03:29] Member B
    We're not letting you get away.
[03:30] ---
    Give it up!
[03:31] Member A
    He's injured. He couldn't have gone far!
[03:39] Member A
    Hey, doesn't look like he's here. Try the other side.
[03:52] Member B
    He's got to be around here! Find him!
[03:55] Katsura
    This isn't looking good.
[03:57] Katsura
    They have me surrounded.
[04:00] Katsura
    Looks like the end of the line for me.
[04:15] Katsura (Falsetto Voice)
    Good evening. I'm Santa Claus.
[04:22] Ikumatsu
    Good grief.
[04:23] Ikumatsu
    You were asking for it.
[04:25] Ikumatsu
    It's your fault for being there when a panty burglar is on the lose.
[04:32] ---
    That bowl makes us even.
[04:34] ---
    I run a ramen shop, so it's the best I can do.
[04:42] Ikumatsu
    I'm the owner here. The name's Ikumatsu.
[04:44] Katsura
    I'm Katsura. My favorite food is soba.
SIGN    [Note: Ramen is egg noodles made with wheat. Soba is made with buckwheat and fillers]
[04:48] Ikumatsu
    Meaning what? I should give you soba instead?
[04:53] Ikumatsu
    I see... Just what were you doing on the roof, anyway?
[04:57] Katsura
    Oh you know. I took a wrong turn.
[05:01] Ikumatsu
    Oh, so you were walking on the roof because you were lost?
[05:05] ---
    Were you headed to the moon or something?
[05:07] Katsura
    No, no. That's not it at all. I made a wrong turn...in life.
[05:12] Ikumatsu
    You are the panty burglar, aren't you?!
[05:14] Katsura
    Everyone has a skeleton or two in their closet they don't want to talk about.
[05:17] ---
    But let me say this: I'm not a thief.
[05:22] Ikumatsu
    Look in the mirror. You'll see suspicious long hair.
[05:34] Ikumatsu
    Are you...
[05:35] Katsura
    No. I'm just, you know, checking the weather. Seriously...
[05:43] Katsura
    Tsk, what awful weather.
[05:46] Katsura
    Ikumatsu-dono, may I stay here until the rain blows over?
[05:50] Ikumatsu
    Rain? I don't hear any rain.
[05:55] Katsura
    I'll tell you the truth...
[05:59] Katsura
    I'm a ramen hunter. I travel Japan seeking the Way of Ramen.
[06:03] ---
    Your ramen is exquisite. Let me study under you.
[06:07] Ikumatsu
    Didn't you say you liked soba earlier?
[06:09] Katsura
    Ramen and soba are similar. They're both long.
[06:13] Ikumatsu
    You have no right to talk about ramen!
[06:17] Ikumatsu
    Anyway, there's nothing to gain from working here.
[06:22] Ikumatsu
    The only kind of customers I get are...
[06:25] Brother-In-Law
    Ikumatsu-chan! Lookin' good!
[06:31] Brother-In-Law
    Don't be cold, baby! Your dear younger brother just dropped by...for a little visit.
[06:37] Ikumatsu
    Younger brother? That's a joke. After Daigo died, you and I are not related anymore.
[06:43] Brother-In-Law
    Don't be so cold.
[06:46] Brother-In-Law
    And here I came all the way to see how my big bro's widow is doing.
[06:52] Brother-In-Law
    This was originally my brother's shop, you know.
[06:55] ---
    When he died, I was supposed to get it.
[06:58] Brother-In-Law
    But you said you wanted it so bad...
[07:01] ---
    I should get a little paycheck for my generosity, huh?
[07:04] Ikumatsu
    Money again?! I don't have any more to give you!
[07:07] Katsura
    Welcome! May I take your order?
[07:10] Brother-In-Law
    Hey! What do you think you're pulling?
[07:12] Brother-In-Law
    What restaurant did you come from?!
[07:14] Brother-In-Law
    You got no money, but hired a waiter?
[07:17] Katsura
    I'm not a waiter, I'm Katsura.
[07:19] ---
    Haven't decided? Then you'll all be having fried rice.
[07:22] Underling A
    No, we didn't say anything about fried rice.
[07:24] Underling B
    We didn't come here for a meal.
[07:27] ---
    Beat it! Beat it!
[07:29] Katsura
    May I recommend our house special? Our B Course?
[07:32] Brother-In-Law
    B Course, Off Course, it doesn't matter. Just be quiet.
SIGN    [Note: Off Course is the name of a Japanese singing group.]
[07:36] ---
    I have something important to discuss with Ikumatsu!
[07:39] Katsura
    All right then, Ikumatsu-dono. Three fried rice please.
[07:42] Brother-In-Law/Underling A/Underling B
    What's with the fried rice?!
[07:46] Katsura
    The fried rice is the appetizer.
[07:48] ---
    Our B Course comes with an entrée and dessert.
[07:51] Underlings A And B
    That's a big appetizer!
[07:53] Brother-In-Law
    Just shut up! Ignore him.
[07:56] ---
    Ikumatsu, hurry and hand over the money, baby. Give it up.
[08:02] Ikumatsu
    The last time I gave you money, I told you that was it.
[08:05] ---
    And besides, I heard you guys...
[08:07] Ikumatsu
    you claim to be rebels... But you broke into Mr. Akezato's safe, didn't you?
[08:14] Brother-In-Law
    It costs money to run a rebellion, bitch!
[08:18] ---
    Give it to us and we won't have to steal!
[08:24] Ikumatsu
    You're no rebels!
[08:26] Ikumatsu
    You're just a bunch of losers trying to make yourselves look good!!
[08:29] ---
    Even the Shinsengumi gathering outside...
[08:31] Ikumatsu
    Aren't even bothering with little chumps like you!
[08:43] Ikumatsu
    Scum like you make me sick!
[08:47] ---
    If it wasn't for trash like you, Daigo might still be...
[08:50] Brother-In-Law
    What, bitch?!
[08:51] Katsura
    Your main entrée, sir.
[08:53] Brother-In-Law
    Shut up! Beat it!
[08:54] Brother-In-Law
    Fried rice again?! The entrée is fried rice?!
[08:57] Katsura
    Shrimp fried rice. For dessert, we have cold fried rice.
[09:01] Brother-In-Law
    It's nothing but fried rice!
[09:03] Brother-In-Law
    What is this obsession you have with fried rice?!
[09:05] Brother-In-Law
    What are you some kind of fried rice fetishist?
[09:11] Brother-In-Law
    What the?! All of a sudden, my stomach!
[09:13] Underling A
    Mine, too.
[09:14] Underling B
    Dang, this beyond wanting to shit, this is... I gotta get to...
[09:18] Brother-In-Law
    The...john.
[09:19] Katsura
    Occupied.
[09:20] Brother-In-Law
    Damn you!
[09:25] Underling A
    My stomach... I can't hold it...
[09:27] Brother-In-Law
    You put something in the fried rice, didn't you?!
[09:29] ---
    Dammit! We won't forget this!
[09:32] Underling A
    Oh no! It's coming....
SIGN    [Have you seen someone like this?]
[09:46] Passerby (Male)
    No one looks like that.
[09:55] Ikumatsu
    That was well done, you...
[09:57] Katsura
    What're you talking about?
[09:58] ---
    All I did was provide service, as a waiter should.
[10:02] Ikumatsu
    Weren't you seeking the Way of Ramen?
[10:08] Katsura
    Well... Let's say I'm a waiter seeking the Way of Ramen...and leave it at that.
[10:13] Ikumatsu
    You're an odd fellow. Sticking your nose into a troublesome situation.
[10:23] Ikumatsu
    Well, never mind.
[10:26] Ikumatsu
    Whether it's until the rain stops, or until you master the Way of Ramen,
[10:30] Ikumatsu
    or until your injuries heal...
[10:34] Ikumatsu
    I'll let you stay here.
[10:38] Katsura
    Ikumatsu-dono.
[10:39] Ikumatsu
    But...
[10:41] ---
    I'm going to work you hard.
[10:50] Ikumatsu
    What're you just standing there for?
[10:52] ---
    Weren't you going to study hard and steal my flavor?
[10:55] Katsura
    No, I think there are many things in this world people are glad they never see.
[10:59] ---
    Like behind the scenes of the male host business,
[11:01] Katsura
    or a boyfriend's cell phone messages...
[11:05] Ikumatsu
    What is it you're trying to say?
[11:07] Katsura
    N-No, nothing really...
[11:11] Ikumatsu
    All right, listen. Speed is the lifeblood of ramen.
[11:17] ---
    Here ya go.
[11:24] Ikumatsu
    Say, you're pretty good.
[11:37] Ikumatsu
    Say, could you...
[11:38] Ikumatsu
    do a delivery for me?
[11:42] Katsura
    Ow ow ow ow.
[11:45] Katsura
    It's raining hard.
[11:47] Ikumatsu
    It's not raining.
[11:48] Ikumatsu
    What are you, anyway?
[11:49] Ikumatsu
    Are you like a kid who doesn't want to go to the dentist?
[12:03] ---
    Ow...
[12:28] Katsura (M)
    She trusts me too much.
[12:36] Hijikata
    Have you found him yet?
[12:38] Okita
    Please relax. We have everything under control.
[12:42] ---
    The Katsura dragnet is closing in on him.
[12:45] ---
    It's only a matter of time before he gives himself away.
[12:47] Hijikata
    I hope you're right.
[12:49] Okita
    Katsura has an injured leg. We won't let him escape.
[12:55] Okita
    What is it?
[12:57] Hijikata
    Nothing, I just thought it was unusual.
[12:59] Hijikata
    This is the first time I've ever seen you work so hard.
[13:05] Okita
    You're the unusual one, Hijikata-san.
[13:08] Okita
    No other creature in existence eats his dumplings with that on it.
[13:12] Hijikata
    Really?
[13:15] Hijikata (As He Eats)
    Want some? It's delicious.
[13:17] Okita
    Absolutely not.
[13:20] Hijikata
    We're up against Katsura. We can't let down our guard.
[13:23] Okita
    You don't need to remind me.
[13:31] Proprietor
    Excuse me, sir...
[13:33] Proprietor
    What is that?
[13:38] Hijikata
    What in the hell?!
[13:42] Okita
    Don't let your guard down, Vice-chief.
[13:50] Brother-In-Law
    That damn long-hair made a fool of us... He won't get away with this.
[14:03] Underling A
    But he seemed quite strong.
[14:07] Underling B
    Yeah, I don't know if we would win even if we ganged up on him.
[14:10] Brother-In-Law
    Relax. Who said we're going to take that kind of risk.
[14:14] Brother-In-Law
    I have an idea.
SIGN    [Someone please adopt me.]
[14:31] Child
    Mommy, I want that!
[14:34] Mother
    Don't look in its eyes.
[14:35] Mother
    You'll be possessed!
SIGN    [Daigo Ramen]
[14:40] Katsura
    Oh, snacks. How thoughtful of you.
[14:43] Ikumatsu
    I can be sometimes. It's just a little something for all your hard work.
[14:49] Ikumatsu
    Well, Good work today.
[14:51] Katsura
    Huh? What's this?
[14:52] Ikumatsu
    Can you tell? I spent a little extra.
[14:56] ---
    Yes, it's delicious. Yohei brews great sake. It's great.
[15:01] Katsura
    Delicious...you say?
[15:02] ---
    I've been thinking about this for a while. Your ramen, Ikumatsu-dono...
[15:06] Ikumatsu
    Something's missing?
[15:12] Ikumatsu
    I know something is missing.
[15:16] Katsura
    Then you'll have to add whatever is missing.
[15:18] Ikumatsu
    It's not that simple...
[15:22] ---
    ...to put in what's missing, that is.
[15:28] Ikumatsu
    It's a heavy burden...
[15:37] Katsura
    If you already know that, then I have nothing more to say.
[15:41] ---
    But you know what they say...
[15:44] Katsura
    Ignorance is bliss.
[15:45] Ikumatsu
    No, it's not. Because I already know.
[15:48] ---
    You said you weren't going to say anything!
[15:51] Katsura
    It's like chanting sutras to a horse.
[15:53] Ikumatsu
    What's that supposed to mean? You calling me a horse?
[15:55] Katsura
    Sit three years on a stone.
SIGN    [Note: Similar to the saying "perserverence will prevail".]
[15:57] Ikumatsu
    What would that do? Where's the benefit in that?
[15:59] ---
    It seems we're getting farther from the point of this conversation!
[16:05] Katsura
    Look, what I'm trying to say is...
[16:07] ---
    I know.
[16:09] Ikumatsu
    I can't leave things the way they are, right?
[16:23] Katsura
    Ikumatsu-dono.
[16:24] Ikumatsu
    My husband...
[16:25] Ikumatsu
    was murdered by rebels.
[16:29] Ikumatsu
    We made a vow that together, we would become the top ramen shop in Edo,
[16:34] Ikumatsu
    but he got involved in an incident and that was it.
[16:39] ---
    Saving the country by hurting innocent people is bullshit.
[16:44] ---
    Spinning their noble-sounding words and then destroying whatever they want...
[16:48] ---
    How many of them, I wonder, truly care about their country?
[16:53] Ikumatsu
    If they can't even save the people right in front of them.
[16:56] Ikumatsu
    There's no way they can save the country.
[16:58] ---
    Patriots my ass.
[17:00] ---
    Samurai my ass.
[17:04] Ikumatsu
    I hate them all.
SIGN    [Please hire me.]
[17:10] Proprietor
    Sorry, I can't. I can't hire someone like you.
SIGN    [Give me a chance.]
[17:17] Proprietor
    No. This is why I don't want you.
[17:21] Katsura
    Ikumatsu-dono, two tonkotsu.
SIGN    [Note: Tonkotsu is a ramen in a soup made with collagen-rich pork bone broth]
[17:23] Ikumatsu
    Coming right up!
[17:25] Woman A
    Say, say, Ikumatsu-chan...
[17:27] Ikumatsu
    Yes?
[17:28] Woman B
    Who's the handsome waiter? You go, girl!
[17:32] Woman A
    You never used to let any men get near you after your husband died...
[17:35] Woman A
    You devil you!
[17:36] Ikumatsu
    It's not like that! He's just helping out!
[17:38] ---
    What's so handsome about him, anyway?
[17:40] Ikumatsu
    Look at that hair! Men look best in crew cuts.
[17:44] Woman B
    That's what you say, but I'll bet you don't totally dislike him.
[17:48] Ikumatsu
    No way.
[17:49] Woman B
    Really?
[17:51] ---
    Hey now.
[17:57] Katsura
    Ikumatsu-dono. We need to...talk...
[18:03] Katsura
    Ikumatsu-dono. Where'd she go?
[18:09] Underling B
    Hey, are you sure it's okay to sell off your sister-in-law?
[18:13] Brother-In-Law
    Hey, she said it herself. She's no relative of mine!
SIGN    [Watch the store. I have to make a delivery.]
[18:22] Katsura
    She does trust me too much.
[18:27] Brother-In-Law
    I gave her plenty of chances to do right by me, but she wouldn't play.
[18:32] Brother-In-Law
    Time to cash out my investment. Then I'll sell the shop.
[18:47] Katsura (M)
    I can't stay here.
[18:51] Katsura (M)
    I can't hurt Ikumatsu-dono. And...she makes me question myself.
[18:58] Ikumatsu
    I hate them all!
[19:02] Man A
    Oh, a new guy, eh?
[19:04] Man B
    Want some bread crust?
[19:07] Underling B
    She oughta bring enough to pay for a good spree.
[19:11] Brother-In-Law
    What're you talking about?
[19:12] ---
    These funds are for the rebellion.
[19:15] Underling B
    Yeah, right. You'll lose it all gambling!
[19:25] Katsura
    Why is her delivery bike here...?
[19:30] Okita
    All right, just a minute, guys. Hold on a minute!
[19:33] Member C
    We're looking for a rebel terrorist who's been seen around here.
[19:38] Member C
    I'm sure you're eager to cooperate.
[19:40] Okita
    What're you guys doing? Are you on the job?
[19:43] ---
    What's in here? Got any girlie magazines? Porno?
[19:46] Okita
    Mind if we take a look inside?
[19:49] Underling B
    Yikes! What're the Shinsengumi doing here?!
[19:51] Member C
    Wait! Just a minute!
[19:53] Brother-In-Law
    If they find out, they'll arrest us! Hurry!
[19:55] Okita
    No doubt about it! Katsura must be in there! After th...
[20:02] Member C
    Katsura! But how?!
[20:05] Okita
    Die! Katsura!
[20:07] Underling B
    Katsura?!
[20:08] Brother-In-Law
    Don't tell me that was the Katsura?! Kotaro Katsura?!
[20:13] Brother-In-Law
    He's a real rebel fighter! The Unstoppable...
[20:16] Brother-In-Law
    Kotaro Katura?!
[20:18] Underling B
    We're in trouble! Ditch the palanquin...and run!
[20:20] Katsura
    Your desserts...
[20:24] Katsura
    I've brought them...for you!
[20:31] Katsura
    I have just two things to tell you.
[20:33] Katsura
    One: Don't ever pose as a rebel fighter again.
[20:37] Katsura
    Two: Never pass through the curtain of that ramen shop.
[20:42] Katsura
    Violate either, and I promise you payment...from the hand of Kotaro Katsura.
[20:49] Member C
    This is Unit One. We found Katsura! Send backup immediately.
[20:53] Okita
    Katsura!
[20:55] Katsura
    Looks like we don't have time to chat.
[20:57] ---
    Ikumatsu-dono, thank you for everything. And...
[21:02] Katsura
    I'm sorry.
[21:03] Ikumatsu
    I knew the whole time.
[21:06] Ikumatsu
    I'm like you. I don't have what it takes to ignore someone who's in trouble.
[21:13] ---
    I'm a fool.
[21:15] Ikumatsu
    So don't apologize.
[21:19] Katsura
    I see.
[21:21] Katsura
    Then let me just say this...
[21:24] Katsura/Ikumatsu
    Thank you.
[21:24] Katsura/Ikumatsu
    Thank you.
[21:29] Okita
    Katsura!
[21:33] Okita
    Huh?
SIGN    [Look at my hair. Poor.]
[21:52] Ikumatsu
    Welcome...
[21:53] ---
    Gin-san, long time no see.
[21:55] Gintoki
    Hi. I got some money for a change... It's been a while, so... Let's see...
[21:58] Gintoko
    What shall I have...?
[22:01] ---
    Huh?
[22:02] ---
    I don't remember soba being on the menu?
[22:07] Ikumatsu
    Care to try it?
SIGN    [Trailer]
[23:42] Umibozu (Narration)
    A city of constant rain where it rained all year long...
[23:46] ---
    That was our home.
[23:49] Umibozu (Narration)
    Others may have seen it as a sewer canal, but it was a great place to live for sewer rats.
[23:57] Young Kagura
    Pappy!
SIGN    [Gin Tama]
[24:01] Kondo
    The parasitic alien will use any organism-a dog, a cat-as its host.
[24:07] Okita
    Ready!
[24:11] Gintoki
    If I don't stop it, who will?
[24:13] Shinpachi
    G-Gin-san... I'm in too!
[24:16] Hijikata
    It's all over, aliens!
SIGN    [Gin Tama]
SIGN    [The Umibozu arc starts in the next episode.]
[24:27] Umibozu
    Just tell them Umibozu is calling.
SIGN    [The man who appeared before Gintoki and his friends was Kagura's Pappy... Say what?!]
SIGN    [The alien hunter, Umibozu. A legend who travels the Universe.]