E309 - Farewell Shinsengumi Arc Part Two: Heroes Always Arrive Fashionably Late

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Kat
    Shogun...
[00:05] Kat
    We were always at odds as enemies,
[00:09] Kat
    but we shared the same ambition
    to make this a better country.
[00:14] Kat
    I couldn't put an end to
    you with my own hands,
[00:17] Kat
    so I failed to keep the
    promise I made as an enemy.
[00:22] Kat
    But the promise we made as friends
    who pursued the same ambition...
[00:28] Kat
    I'll definitely fulfill it.
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Two
SIGN    Heroes Always Arrive Fashionably Late
SIGN    Kodokan Dojo
SIGN    Watch the Farewell Shinsengumi Arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:15] Tae
    Well, I have to head to work now.
[02:20] Tae
    So you're staying home again today?
[02:25] Tae
    If you decide to go to Odd Jobs,
    make sure to lock up, okay?
[02:30] Shin
    Sis.
[02:32] Shin
    Don't worry. There's no
    need to lock up anymore.
[02:38] Shin
    Above the ceiling,
[02:40] Shin
    under the overhang,
[02:42] Shin
    the shadows of the walls,
[02:45] Shin
    and the shadows of utility poles
[02:48] Shin
    are all free of that gorilla stalker now.
[02:53] Shin
    But then, why is it
[02:58] Shin
    that life's not the least bit fun?
[03:03] HB1
    A long time ago, some idiot asked me this:
SIGN    Snack Smile
[03:08] HB1
    If I could take any one thing I like to
    a deserted island, what would I take?
[03:14] HB1
    I answered thusly...
[03:17] HB1
    "Camus."
[03:19] HB1
    People live on the water they drink.
[03:21] HB1
    But men live on booze.
[03:25] HB1
    After all, it goes perfectly with anything.
[03:28] HB1
    Be it bar snacks, meat, women,
[03:32] HB1
    bitching, or whining.
[03:35] HB1
    Men get through life by mixing
    all things good or bad
[03:38] HB1
    with their drinks and gulping them down.
[03:43] HB1
    That said,
[03:45] HB1
    there is just one combination
    that doesn't work.
[03:49] HB1
    Booze and bozos.
[03:51] Gin
    Damn, quit drinking with a gloomy face.
[03:53] Gin
    You're making my booze taste bad. Get out.
[03:56] Hij
    Booze is for drinking when
    you're gloomy. You get out.
[04:00] Hij
    Why are you at my welcome party, anyway?
[04:03] Gin
    These guys dragged me here,
    saying they'd treat me to free booze.
[04:06] Gin
    I wouldn't subject myself to your soppy,
    rainy-season bllsack of a mug otherwise.
[04:10] Hij
    Whose face are you calling a bllsack?
[04:12] Hij
    That's rich, coming from a forever
    droopy, parched bllsack of a mug.
[04:16] Gin
    A parched bllsack's more hygienic
    than a soppy one, you bllsack!
[04:21] Hij
    There's nothing hygienic
    about blls, you bllsack!
[04:24] HB2
    Good thing we brought
    Gin-san along, huh, Boss?
[04:28] HB2
    The vice chief was down in the dumps,
    but he's full of energy now.
[04:32] HB1
    I guess there's one more thing*
    I'd take to a deserted island.
[04:35] HB1
    Perhaps men need a rival to
    bust their blls at all times.
[04:41] Tae
    You can't call that a
    deserted island anymore.
[04:43] Tae
    And what do blls have to do with anything?
SIGN    Gahhh
[04:46] Tae
    Could you knock it off?
[04:48] Tae
    If you're going to make a scene,
    I'll have to ask you to leave.
[04:50] HB1
    Before that,
[04:52] HB1
    could you stop deciphering my hard-boiled
    monologues and weaponizing them?
[04:57] Tae
    But if you really do want to drink,
[05:02] Tae
    I've got all night.
[05:06] Hij
    There's no way I'd get drunk if
    you served me with that sad look.
[05:11] Hij
    If you have questions, ask me when sober
    instead of setting up a party as an excuse.
[05:16] Hij
    Though I'm afraid I don't
    have any answers to give you.
[05:19] Hij
    I mean, I've got no idea what to do myself.
[05:26] Hij
    Due to that, my comrades
    have all drifted apart.
[05:28] Hij
    Demonic Vice Chief, my ass.
[05:32] Hij
    Without him,
[05:35] Hij
    I can't do anything.
[05:37] Sas
    That's not true.
[05:40] Sas
    You're doing well.
[05:43] Sas
    Even though you lost everything
    due to your foolish bosses,
[05:47] Sas
    you're still working as a cop,
    doing whatever you can for Edo.
[05:53] Sas
    Allow me to offer you a word of praise
    as the Commissioner-General of Police,
[05:58] Sas
    loser.
[06:01] Nb
    I thought I told you to forget
    about work today, Sasaki.
[06:06] Nb
    Sneaking into town to get a
    peek at the lives of plebeians
[06:11] Nb
    was a hobby of the previous shogun,
    Lord Shigeshige, was it not?
[06:15] Nb
    Then I shall follow suit.
[06:19] Nb
    Continue drinking as you were.
[06:21] Nb
    Tonight, consider me merely Nobunobu.
[06:25] Nb
    Let me hear you mongrels howl.
[06:32] J
    You're Okita Sogo of the
    Shinsengumi, correct?
[06:40] Oki
    Go away. You've got the wrong person.
[06:42] J
    Come with us quietly—
[06:44] Oki
    Didn't you hear me?
[06:46] Oki
    I'm sayin' that doesn't exist anymore.
[06:50] Oki
    Or what?
[06:52] Oki
    Did you flies swarm here thinkin' you
    could get revenge now that we've split up?
[06:58] Oki
    Right now, I'm just a manslayer on the loose.
[07:02] Oki
    Instead of sending you pigs to the sty,
    I'll throw you into the hotpot called hell.
[07:07] Oki
    And now that I don't have any jobs or
    duties to worry about, I'll do it my way.
[07:11] J
    You—
[07:15] Kag
    Outta the way.
[07:19] Kag
    You're hindering our walk.
SIGN    Snack Smile
[07:22] Nb
    I have booked this entire place tonight.
[07:26] Nb
    Drink to your heart's content, everyone.
[07:34] Nb
    Drink up.
[07:37] Nb
    Join me in raising a toast to Lord
    Shigeshige's happiness in the afterlife.
[07:42] Nb
    Or would you rather toast to
    your boss's afterlife instead?
[07:47] Sas
    You're jumping the gun, Nobunobu-sama.
[07:50] Sas
    Matsudaira Katakuriko and Kondo Isao
    don't get executed for another five days.
[07:54] Sas
    Those under their patronage
    may yet stage a rebellion.
[07:58] Sas
    I told you to forget about work today.
[08:02] Sas
    And I've already hunted down everyone
    who could rebel against me.
[08:07] Sas
    To confirm that,
[08:08] Sas
    how about we put him in charge of security
    for the execution and see what happens?
[08:12] Sas
    It would be rather amusing to make a man
    oversee his former boss's execution.
[08:17] Sas
    And it would be the perfect opportunity
    to test his loyalty to me.
[08:22] Sas
    If he were to shed a single tear,
[08:24] Sas
    we could put him in charge of security
    for his other comrades' executions, too.
[08:31] Sas
    What's the matter?
[08:33] Sas
    You still won't drink?
[08:37] Sas
    Are you saying you won't
    drink what I offer you?
[08:46] Sas
    That is understandable.
[08:48] Sas
    This vulgar liquid can
    hardly be called alcohol.
[08:52] G
    W-We're terribly sorry!
[08:54] G
    Lord Shigeshige seemed to like this one...
[08:58] Nb
    I see.
[08:59] Nb
    I'm sorry, but could I ask
    you to dispose of these?
[09:01] G
    R-Right away!
[09:03] Nb
    Not that.
[09:05] Nb
    I meant disposing of you two.
[09:12] Nb
    Did you really think I would be
    satisfied by the same things as him?
[09:16] Nb
    I, Tokugawa Nobunobu, am the man
    who will bring about a new era.
[09:20] Nb
    Thus, my alcohol, women, and subordinates
    must far surpass their predecessors.
[09:27] Nb
    If you do not have fine wine,
    bring me fine women.
[09:30] Tae
    What the hell are you people doing?
[09:35] Tae
    Hurting innocent folk one after another,
[09:39] Tae
    changing the world to what suits you best...
[09:43] Tae
    New era?
[09:45] Tae
    Who in their right mind would
    follow people like you?!
[09:49] Tae
    If you don't protect the populace
    that keeps the country afloat,
[09:51] Tae
    how can you call yourself a shogun?
[09:52] Tae
    How can you call yourself police?!
[09:54] HB1
    Otae-chan!
[09:57] Nb
    This is my new era.
[10:00] Nb
    Which means that incompetent police who can
    protect the populace but not the shogun
[10:07] Nb
    and incompetent shoguns who die
    unable to protect the country
[10:13] Nb
    have no place here.
[10:19] Nb
    Nor do the foolish people
    who oppose this new era.
[10:28] Tae
    Real police...
[10:31] Tae
    Real samurai wouldn't do this.
[10:36] Tae
    That man
[10:40] Tae
    would never do something like this.
[11:06] Gin
    Save that punch for the idiot
    boss who left you guys behind.
[11:18] Gin
    This isn't a matter for you cops.
[11:23] Gin
    A drunk is best punched by another drunk.
[11:49] C
    Y-You knave!
[11:50] C
    What have you done to the shogun?!
[11:54] Sas
    Hello?
[11:55] Sas
    Are you alive, Nobunobu-sama?
[11:58] Sas
    Mind if I take this chance
    to exchange email addresses?
SIGN    To: Nobutas The shogun got his teeth bashed in again lol
[12:02] Sas
    Sheesh. Just when your wounds from
    before had almost healed, too.
[12:06] Sas
    How sad.
[12:09] Sas
    Sakata-san...
[12:10] Sas
    I never expected you to
    act out before Hijikata-san.
[12:15] Sas
    For a worthless reason,
[12:17] Sas
    you went and committed a sin that a hundred
    disembowelments couldn't atone for.
[12:22] Gin
    Are you kidding me?
[12:24] Gin
    I'm in the running for that moronic
    lord's most loyal retainer.
[12:28] Gin
    "I wanna forget all about
    work and drink tonight."
[12:32] Gin
    That's what the man lying there,
    merely Nobunobu-san, said.
[12:36] Gin
    All I did was play along.
[12:40] Gin
    You wanted to know how we plebs live, right?
[12:43] Gin
    Down here, bite someone and they'll bite back.
[12:47] Gin
    It's common sense.
[12:50] Gin
    Don't be swinging your fist down at people
    if you're not ready to get punched.
[12:55] Gin
    Tell your ignorant little rich boy that,
[12:59] Gin
    you lapdogs.
[13:02] Oki
    Hey.
[13:03] Oki
    What's the meaning of this?
[13:06] Oki
    Don't you see the situation?
[13:09] Oki
    What did you come here to do?
[13:11] Kag
    Aren't you a policeman?
[13:13] Kag
    At least deal with the traffic, then.
[13:16] Kag
    I can't even walk my dog like this.
[13:19] Oki
    There's no policeman here.
[13:22] Oki
    Haven't you heard? We've already—
[13:25] Kag
    If you've already disbanded,
[13:27] Kag
    why are you still wearing that?
[13:31] Kag
    I heard that you protected
    Soyo-chan back then.
[13:37] Kag
    From that pain-in-the-ass moron.
[13:41] Oki
    It means nothing when I couldn't
    protect the one who mattered most.
[13:45] Oki
    The princess probably resents me, too,
[13:48] Oki
    as nothing but a manslayer who
    couldn't protect her brother.
[13:52] Kag
    Well, she did nothing but curse you,
[13:55] Kag
    saying she couldn't eat liver
    or offal anymore because of you.
[14:00] Kag
    As long as it's not those two, she says
    she'll book a restaurant up your alley,
[14:04] Kag
    and to let her know what you
    like before she invites you.
[14:09] Kag
    The Shinsengumi may be gone,
[14:11] Kag
    but that doesn't change the fact
    that there are lives you've saved.
[14:17] Kag
    It doesn't change the fact
    that you protected two girls.
[14:23] Kag
    Don't worry.
[14:25] Kag
    Even if you don't wear that outfit, we know.
[14:30] Kag
    We know that you...
[14:32] Kag
    That you guys are cops.
[14:36] Kag
    No matter what you all do from
    now on, we know the Shinsengumi.
[14:43] Kag
    So quit moping around in a place like this.
[14:46] Kag
    Go break the gorilla out of
    his cage or deal with traffic.
[14:49] Kag
    Just do your job already.
[14:51] Oki
    Wait, are you cheering me up right now?
[14:55] Oki
    Did you think I was depressed?
[14:57] Kag
    As if.
[14:58] Kag
    I'm just telling you to change out of
    those rags already 'cause they stink.
[15:02] Oki
    That settles it.
[15:04] Oki
    I'm never taking my uniform off again.
[15:06] Oki
    I sure as hell ain't gonna
    do what you tell me.
[15:09] Oki
    Hear that, scrubs?
[15:11] Oki
    So long as I still wear this uniform,
[15:14] Oki
    the Shinsengumi won't die.
[15:18] Oki
    As such, you guys are gonna
    be massacred either way!
[15:21] J
    Nothing's changed!
[15:23] J
    Would you listen to us?! We're—
[15:25] Oki
    Too late to beg for your lives!
[15:26] Kag
    You're hindering our walk!
[15:28] Ymz
    Wait! Hold on, Captain Okita!
[15:32] Sas
    I see.
[15:34] Sas
    The shogun may change, and so may the era,
[15:37] Sas
    but fools will stay fools, huh?
[15:41] Sas
    Release her.
[15:44] Sas
    Treat the wounded.
[15:47] Sas
    True, Nobunobu-sama went too far tonight.
[15:51] Sas
    Rather than let the new government's
    reputation get even worse,
[15:57] Sas
    it'd save time to have a single
    fool take all the blame.
[16:00] Tae
    Gin-san!
[16:13] Sas
    What are you doing, Hijikata-san?
[16:16] HB2
    We can't let you take him away.
[16:20] HB2
    If we kept quiet here,
[16:21] HB2
    we wouldn't be cops anymore,
    let alone hard-boiled.
[16:25] HB2
    Right, Boss?
[16:27] HB1
    Regardless of who you're up against,
[16:30] HB1
    if we can't tell who we should punish
    and who we should protect,
[16:34] HB1
    we cops are done for.
[16:37] HB1
    You guys are the weird ones here.
[16:39] HB1
    At this rate, this country will
    fall to ruin, Commissioner-General.
[16:45] HB1
    I gulped down those words
    along with my Camus.
[16:49] HB1
    There are some things men can't say out loud.
[16:52] HB2
    Don't hide in your
    hard-boiled monologues now!
[16:54] Sas
    Do you know why humans have
    survived for five billion years
[16:58] Sas
    in Earth's ever-changing environment?
[17:02] Sas
    It's because we adapt.
[17:04] Sas
    To put it in terms simple enough
    for you non-elites to understand,
[17:07] Sas
    when a new Sentai series begins, you go,
[17:10] Sas
    "I won't accept this! Bioman was better,"
[17:13] Sas
    every time, don't you?
[17:15] Sas
    But by the time the series ends,
[17:17] Sas
    you find it hard to say
    goodbye to Changeman as well.
[17:19] Sas
    Humans have survived this long by adapting
    to all kinds of changes like that.
[17:23] Sas
    Yes, the heroes this time
    don't protect the weak.
[17:27] Sas
    But you'll get used to it eventually.
[17:29] Sas
    No, you have no choice but to get used to it.
[17:32] Sas
    Because as much as you might
    lament or fight that fact,
[17:34] Sas
    the old era, and the old heroes,
    won't ever come back.
[17:38] Sas
    If you don't adapt, you'll just walk the
    path of destruction, like the Shinsengumi.
[17:46] Hij
    If I may, Commissioner-General,
[17:48] Hij
    none of us has died yet.
[17:51] Sas
    That is if you stay put
    right there, Hijikata-san.
[17:57] Sas
    If you so much as lift a finger,
[17:59] Sas
    you and your comrades will
    vanish from history as traitors.
[18:04] Sas
    It should be clear to you now...
[18:08] Sas
    You can no longer be heroes.
[18:20] Kat
    Are you leaving, sirs?
[18:21] Kat
    But you haven't partaken of your orders yet.
[18:23] Kat
    I was just bringing them to you.
SIGN    Nasty Stick
[18:27] Sas
    I don't recall ever ordering those.
[18:31] Kat
    Oh...
[18:33] Kat
    It was the customer who was sitting
    over there until just now,
[18:38] Kat
    a man in his tighty-whities,
    who ordered them for you.
[18:42] Sas
    Tighty-whities?
[18:44] Kat
    We've already been paid for them,
    so there's no need for that.
[18:49] Kat
    We don't expect anything from the
    bakufu or the police anymore.
[18:55] Kat
    Because there's a hero right here.
[19:04] Oki
    What's going on here?
[19:07] Oki
    Why are you guys with Joi Rebels?
[19:11] Oki
    Hey, Yamazaki. What are you playing at?
[19:14] Ymz
    Why are you singling me out?
[19:16] Ymz
    You always treat me like an extra,
    but you single me out now?!
[19:18] Oki
    Depending on your answer,
    somebody's gonna get hurt real bad.
[19:20] Oki
    You.
[19:23] Ymz
    Y-You've got it wrong, Captain Okita!
[19:25] Ymz
    Hey, say something!
SIGN    Something
SIGN    Something
[19:29] Ymz
    I didn't ask you to break
    out that classic gag!
[19:31] Kag
    Eli?
[19:32] Oki
    You guys are with Katsura?!
SIGN    Calm down, Sogo-kun.
[19:35] Oki
    Shimaru-niisan...
SIGN    There's a reason for this.
SIGN    The thing is...
SIGN    The thing is...
[19:39] Oki
    Uh...
SIGN    Listen to me!
SIGN    No, listen to me!
SIGN    No, me!
[19:41] Oki
    Hey...
SIGN    I said me, damn it!
SIGN    My story's better!
SIGN    Mine's deeper!
SIGN    Mine's more serious!
[19:43] Oki
    Your characters and placards are overlapping
    too much for me to understand.
SIGN    Mine's sharper!
SIGN    Mine's more awesome!
SIGN    You're seriously annoying!
SIGN    Shut it, my former pet!
SIGN    Get lost, my former owner!
SIGN    But you loved me so much!
SIGN    I was obviously pretending.
SIGN    You tricked me?!
SIGN    Fool you once, shame on you.
SIGN    Say what?!
SIGN    Takes one to know one!
SIGN    Stupid! Stupid!
SIGN    Anyway, we mean you no harm.
[19:50] Oki
    Uh, you're not the least bit convincing.
SIGN    We come here not as Shinsengumi or Joi Rebels.
SIGN    We came to talk as simply samurai.
[20:09] C
    It's a smokescreen!
[20:11] Kat
    Hurry up and go.
[20:14] Kat
    Gintoki...
[20:17] Kat
    Let us meet at dawn.
[20:22] Gin
    What's that bastard playing at?!
[20:33] Kon
    A newcomer?
[20:35] Kon
    You must be quite the heinous
    criminal to get thrown in here.
[20:41] Kon
    What did you do?
[20:44] Kat
    Beats me.
[20:45] Kat
    I don't think I did anything wrong,
[20:49] Kat
    but if I had to say, it'd be that I
    picked a huge fight with the country.
[20:53] Kon
    I see.
[20:54] Kon
    I'm the opposite.
[20:57] Kon
    I thought I was protecting the country,
    but ended up in here before I knew it.
[21:01] Kon
    How ironic.
[21:02] Kon
    We'd be enemies if we met outside,
[21:04] Kon
    but in here, we're fellow inmates
    tied to the same prison.
[21:10] Kon
    Well, this relationship won't last too long.
[21:12] Kon
    How about we let bygones
    be bygones and get along?
[21:16] Kat
    It is as you say.
[21:19] Kat
    At this point, the outside world
    is the same as this place.
[21:22] Kat
    Everyone is an inmate, tied
    to a prison we call the state.
[21:26] Kat
    If we don't forget about allies,
    enemies, grudges, and fight as one,
[21:31] Kat
    the country itself will be executed.
[21:34] Kat
    Joi Rebels alone cannot
    overturn this situation.
[21:39] Kat
    So let me ask you as well,
[21:42] Kat
    Shinsengumi Chief, Kondo Isao.
[21:47] Kat
    Lend me your strength, so that
    we might protect this country.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:25] Hij
    We can't protect anything.
[23:28] Oki
    Article 4 of the Shinsengumi Code:
[23:31] Oki
    "When the Chief is away, the Vice Chief
    will have full control of the squad."
[23:37] Gin
    It's still not too late.
[23:38] Kat
    If you have something to protect,
[23:40] Kat
    then break out of that crooked cage.
[23:43] Mat
    Who's the crazy one here?
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Three
SIGN    Lost and Found
SIGN    Katsura enters the prison where Kondo's being held
SIGN    as a fellow inmate.
SIGN    Meanwhile, Hijikata still hasn't shaken off his despair.
SIGN    Will he be able to rise again?