E24 - Cute Faces Are Always Hiding Something
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN [You've enjoyed "Tuesday E-Jump." But we've come to the final episode.]
SIGN [So today, we'll show you a great time until the very end.]
[01:40] Otose
Don't give me that!
[01:41] Otose
Do you have any idea what a nuisance your barbarism has become?!
[01:45] Saigo
Shut up, you old hag!
[01:47] ---
Where do you get off talking to me like this
[01:49] ---
just because I was late with the neighborhood notice?!
[01:52] Otose
Kabukicho is a place where the pure and the dirty are mixed together.
[01:55] Otose
That's all the more reason why you have to live according to the rules!
[01:59] Saigo
That's what you say, granny,
[02:01] Saigo
but just last week you put out JUMP comics on burnable trash day!
[02:03] Otose
Not me! That was the guy on the second floor!
[02:06] Gintoki
You're making too much noise...
[02:07] Saigo
Don't play dumb!
[02:08] Saigo
Don't get carried away because they call you the Empress of Kabukicho!
[02:11] ---
Hey, keep it quiet, you two freaks.
[02:14] Gintoki
Do you have any idea what time it is?
[02:16] ---
You're raising my blood pressure.
[02:19] Otose
Shut up, loser!!
[02:21] Saigo
Decent human beings have already started their day at this hour!
[02:24] Gintoki
You guys think you're "human beings"?
Maybe you were a long time ago.
[02:34] Saigo
You're going to pay for even thinking you can defy me.
[02:37] ---
I'm taking him with me.
[02:39] Otose
Go right ahead.
[02:42] Kagura
Shinpachi. Who is that monster?
[02:46] Shinpachi
Like Otose-san, she's one of the Four Royals of Kabukicho...
[02:51] Shinpachi
The Demoness Mademoiselle Saigo.
SIGN ["Cute Faces Are Always Hiding Something"]
[03:01] Omittedsaigo
Girls, we have someone new for today.
[03:03] Saigo
Meet Pako-chan.
[03:05] Agomi
Oh my, she's cute.
[03:08] Agomi
Why's she called Pako?
[03:10] Saigo
Because she's got naturally wavy hair.
[03:11] Wakame
Give me a break, Mama. She's going to steal all of my customers.
[03:15] Gintoki
I'm sorry, I have a stomach ache so I'll be leaving early.
[03:18] Saigo
You can't escape that easily.
[03:20] ---
I'll teach you what it means to survive in Kabukicho.
[03:25] Gintoki
I already know. I live here.
[03:28] Saigo
I'll teach you the noble way of those you call "freaks."
[03:34] Gintoki
Really, give me a break. I'm the main character, you know.
[03:41] Saigo
Pound into our new girl how tough it is in this business.
[03:49] Gintoki
What're you doing, Zura?
[03:52] Katsura
It's not Zura. I'm Zurako.
[03:56] Katsura
Pops, isn't our tempura soba ready yet?
[03:59] Pops
It'll be just a little longer.
[04:01] Katsura
A little? Do you know how many instant cup noodles I could've made by now?
[04:07] Katsura
Calm down, Elizabeth.
[04:08] Katsura
Recently the crackdown on lawless ronin has gotten stricter.
[04:12] ---
Don't do anything that would attract attention to us.
[04:15] Pops
Here you go!
[04:16] Katsura
Damn you! Did you forget that we ordered before that guy?!
[04:21] Pops
Please forgive me, mister samurai. This is a special customer...
[04:25] Katsura
It's your duty to treat...
[04:27] Katsura
each customer equally!
[04:30] ---
Prepare to meet your maker!
[04:32] Saigo
Oh come now, mister. Don't get upset over something like this.
[04:36] ---
Here, you can have mine.
[04:38] Katsura
Shut up, freak!
[04:44] Saigo
Hey. Who're you calling a freak?
[04:47] Katsura
And that's how I ended up here.
[04:49] Katsura
Since then, I've been looking for a chance to escape, but...
[04:53] ---
Hey, you! Sway your hips more.
[04:55] Gintoki
Zura, you've been here too long.
[04:58] ---
You might not be able to return to the streets.
[05:01] Katsura
Don't be ridiculous. I have a duty to save my country!
[05:05] Katsura
I don't have time to waste fooling around here.
[05:08] Gintoki
I don't want my country saved by a guy who dances to the beat of a place like this.
[05:13] Agomi
Hey, you two.
[05:14] ---
Zurako, Pako, you're rhythm is off.
[05:17] ---
Keep dancing like that, and you'll make your customers sick!
[05:20] Gintoki
What're you talking about? This languid look is my selling point, Agomi.
[05:24] Agomi
Who're you calling Agomi?
[05:26] Katsura
Pako, I told you when I introduced you. This is Agoyo.
[05:30] Agomi
No, I'm not! It's Azumi. You idiots!
[05:33] Wakame
Come on! Pako, Zurako! If you can't dance, then help out in the hall!
[05:38] Vaneko
Good day, I'm Vaneko.
[05:40] Wakame
I'm Wakame.
[05:42] Gintoki
Pako.
[05:43] Katsura
Zurako.
[05:45] Customer A
Hey, hey, what's with those faces?
[05:48] Customer A
Does this place intend to make me drunk with those faces?
[05:50] Vaneko
That's harsh!
[05:51] Wakame
I'm so shocked...
[05:52] Customer A
Hey, you with the naturally wavy hair.
[05:54] ---
I came here to laugh at weirdoes like you!
[05:58] ---
Do something funny, you freaks!
[06:01] Gintoki
What'd you say, bar code head?
[06:03] ---
Want me to pull out every last hair of hope on your head?
[06:07] Katsura
Stop it, Pako.
[06:08] Saigo
Sir, I told you touching or insulting the hostesses was forbidden.
[06:14] ---
Don't try to make fools out of us!!
[06:25] Agomi
"More noble than a woman,"
[06:27] Agomi
"Stronger than a man..."
[06:29] Agomi
That's Mama's favorite phrase.
[06:30] ---
People like us need that kind of pride to survive in this world.
[06:36] ---
We have to be stronger than anyone or anything.
[06:39] Gintoki
So are you strong, Agomi?
[06:41] ---
Can that chin of yours break anything?
[06:43] Katsura
Why're you limiting her strength to her chin?
[06:46] Katsura
But Mademoiselle Saigo's strength is extraordinary.
[06:50] ---
He's no ordinary man.
[06:52] Agomi
Yes, I hear he used to be amazing back in the day.
[06:55] ---
What was he called...?
[06:58] Agomi
"White Loincloth Saigo"... or something like that.
[07:01] ---
I don't know what he did, but he was some kind of hero who went into battle wearing a white loincloth.
[07:06] Gintoki
With only that information, he just sounds like a pervert.
[07:10] Katsura
White Loincloth Saigo... I've heard that name somewhere before...
[07:14] Kid A
Come on and fight!
[07:16] Kid A
Your dad's a guy, but he acts like a mom!
[07:19] Kid B
Maybe you're a girly boy, too!
[07:22] Kid B
That's why he's such a weakling!
[07:27] Kid B
Infectious homo liquid!
[07:30] Kid A
Run!
[07:33] Agomi
Are you all right, kid?
[07:35] Agomi
Te-Teru-kun!
[07:38] Saigo
Teruhiko!
[07:40] Saigo
What happened?!
[07:41] ---
You're hurt!
[07:42] ---
The hospital! We have to get you to a hospital right away!
[07:44] ---
Call Dr. Red Beard! Dr. Red Beard!
[07:47] Gintoki
There are lots of Blue Beards around here.
[07:49] Saigo
I'm not talking to you jackasses! Beat it!
[07:51] Teruhiko
They're just scratches, so I'm okay, Dad...
[07:54] Saigo
I'm not Dad! Call me Mom!!
[07:59] Saigo
Teruhiko, you've been coming home a lot lately all bruised up.
[08:03] Saigo
What've you been doing? Are you hiding something?
[08:06] Teruhiko
D-Don't worry, Mom. I've just been playing samurai...
[08:10] Teruhiko
with my friends on the way home.
[08:13] Teruhiko
Well, I'm going out to play.
[08:16] Saigo
Just a minute!
[08:17] Saigo
Teruhiko!
[08:30] Katsura
Kid.
[08:35] Katsura
You forgot something.
SIGN [To all parents: Notice to Parent for Third Annual Visiting Day]
[08:43] Katsura
Don't worry. I haven't shown it to your father.
[08:47] ---
Should I have?
[08:49] Teruhiko
No... Thanks, auntie.
[08:52] Katsura
It's not "auntie." It's Katsura.
[08:56] Katsura
Are you sure it's okay?
[08:58] Katsura
If your father doesn't come?
[09:00] Teruhiko
I want him to come, but...
[09:03] Katsura
You don't want to be teased again?
[09:06] Teruhiko
I don't care about that. I'm used to it.
[09:10] ---
But... I don't want to see Dad get laughed at or...hurt.
[09:15] Teruhiko
I love my Dad.
[09:17] ---
He's fun and can sometimes be a little scary, but...
[09:21] Teruhiko
Sometimes, I wish Dad was just a normal dad.
SIGN [Closed Till Tonight]
[09:29] Wakame
Mama, you've had too much to drink!
[09:31] Vaneko
What's eating you, all of a sudden?
[09:33] Gintoki
Leave her alone.
[09:35] Saigo
A man drinks until he's wasted, then he can finally sleep.
[09:38] Agomi
Don't you mean "woman"?!
[09:40] ---
A woman cries until she cries herself to sleep!
[09:43] Wakame
Really, Mama, you should stop. Mama and Pako both.
[09:49] Saigo
I really feel terrible for that boy.
[09:54] Saigo
With a father like this, you know...
[09:57] ---
It would be strange if they didn't pick on him.
[09:59] Gintoki
So...you do understand?
[10:02] Gintoki
That makes this easier...
[10:07] Gintoki
Well, now you look like one of those anti-social types.
[10:11] ---
You need to look more like a hopeless father.
[10:13] ---
Shall I draw a turd on your forehead?
[10:16] Saigo
What're doing, you...
[10:19] Saigo
Teruhiko's mother died before he was old enough to remember.
[10:22] ---
From then on, I had to be his mother.
[10:26] ---
I went too far, and ended up like this.
[10:29] Saigo
For that boy's sake, I stuck to my principles.
[10:33] ---
I've never once regretted my decision, and I don't intend to start now.
[10:39] Saigo
Sure, there will be those who laugh at my ugly mug, but my spirit...
[10:45] Saigo
is more beautiful than any man's or woman's.
[10:53] Kid A
Yo, so you came.
[10:55] Kid B
Weak little girly.
[10:57] Teruhiko
Stop saying that! I'm not weak!
[11:00] Teruhiko
And I'll prove it.
[11:03] Katsura
Gintoki, I'm going back, after all.
[11:06] Gintoki
Huh? You sure you're awake?
[11:09] Katsura
I'm worried about that father and son.
[11:12] Gintoki
If you stay here any longer, you'll really turn into one of them.
[11:18] Gintoki
That freak drunk himself to sleep, so this is our only chance.
[11:22] Katsura
You can escape anytime, but now is not the time.
[11:26] Gintoki
Good luck, Zurako.
[11:28] ---
I'll be praying that you don't spend half of your life away here.
[11:31] Katsura
Wait, Pako.
[11:32] Gintoki
Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!
[11:33] ---
You're going to rip me in two! Into two new pieces!
[11:36] Gintoki
What is it with you?! Just do what you want by yourself!
[11:40] Katsura
What're you saying, Pako?
[11:41] ---
Haven't we always fought together as the top tag-team?
[11:45] Gintoki
Hell if I know!
[11:46] Katsura
The food was bad, but we ate at Saigo-dono's table.
[11:50] ---
Isn't it the proper samurai way to return kindness?
[11:53] Gintoki
You're saying samurai should get involved in a kid's fight?
[11:56] Kid A
He's in danger!, What are we gonna do, Yo-chan?
[11:58] Kid B
I don't care! It was his idea!
[12:09] Kid B
Ow-ow-ow.
[12:10] Kid B
What're you doing? Lemme go!
[12:12] Kid A
You guys are gross!
[12:14] Gintoki
Zurako, he says you're gross.
[12:16] Katsura
What're you talking about? He meant you, Pako.
[12:19] Gintoki
He meant you Mr. bleached white face. Play more outdoors.
[12:23] Katsura
What about you? Your face just shouts, "I'm poor!"
[12:25] Katsura
"Give me back the lunch money you stole."
[12:27] Kid A
Just so you know, it's not our fault.
[12:30] Kid B
We tried to stop him, but he did it on his own...
[12:33] Gintoki
I don't get it. Tell us the details. The details, or I'll shave your head.
[12:38] Kid B
It was a test of courage.
[12:40] Kid A
There's a test of courage that's popular among us kids.
[12:43] ---
When we teased him about it, he took it seriously and...
[12:46] Gintoki
An abandoned house?
[12:47] Kid A
It's not an abandoned house. It's in there.
[12:51] Kid B
The other day, we heard a creepy growl... Like it was from a beast.
[12:55] Kid A
There's definitely something in there.
[13:00] Katsura
A haunted house, eh?
[13:03] Gintoki
Hey, Zura, you're pretty good.
[13:06] Gintoki
How'd you make through such a narrow opening?
[13:07] ---
Huh? This isn't happening. You can't be serious? No way!
[13:11] Katsura
What're you doing...?
[13:13] Gintoki
I can't move forwards or backwards.
[13:16] Katsura
You dumb blonde, that's why they named you Pako.
[13:19] Gintoki
What was that, you bastard? I'll "Pa" you!
[13:22] Katsura
Come on, relax.
[13:22] Gintoki
Ow-ow-ow.
[13:25] Gintoki
It's no use. Leave me here. I'll live here from now on!
[13:39] Kid A
It's in here... Something mysterious...
[13:42] Gintoki
Teruhiko-kun?
[13:44] ---
You're Teruhiko-kun, aren't you?
[13:45] ---
Please say you're Teruhiko-kun!
[13:48] Gintoki
You bastard! You'd just leave me here?!
[13:51] Katsura
You said you wanted to live there.
[13:53] ---
Don't worry. I'll be right back.
[13:55] ---
I'll buy you a castella cake. Castella!
[13:58] Gintoki
What would I use a castella cake for?!
[14:00] Gintoki
Zurako!
[14:01] ---
Haven't we always fought together as the top tag-team, up until now?
[14:04] Katsura
Whatever!
[14:04] Gintoki
I know! That's it!
[14:06] Gintoki
I'll give you my leather jacket with "Samurai" printed on the back.
[14:08] Gintoki
It's what you always wanted!
[14:09] Katsura
Who'd wear a tacky jacket like that?!
[14:13] Prince Hata
What're you humans doing?
[14:19] Prince Hata
Oh I see...
[14:20] Prince Hata
So a child came in here and hasn't returned since, you say.
[14:23] ---
And you came here to find him?
[14:26] ---
Recently we've had a lot of kids coming into the yard and causing mischief.
[14:31] ---
See that tree by the annex?
[14:33] Prince Hata
Kids claim that if they can fetch fruit from that tree, it proves they are a real samurai.
[14:38] ---
It's just like children think up such silly things.
[14:40] Katsura
So does this yard belong to you, Squirt?
[14:43] Jiiya
Who the hell are you calling "squirt"?
[14:46] Jiiya
Do you have any idea who this squirt is?
[14:50] Prince Hata
Stop it, Jii.
[14:51] ---
Father said that although we come from different planets,
[14:54] ---
we should always be kind to beautiful women. Have you forgotten that?
[14:56] Jiiya
Prince, you mustn't be fooled.
[14:59] ---
After all your father said, he married a homely woman in the end.
[15:03] Prince Hata
Hey! That's my mother you're talking about! My mother!
[15:07] Prince Hata
Huh? You...
[15:10] Prince Hata
You... Have we met before?
[15:13] Gintoki
Heavens no! How sick. Is that the Jomon pickup line?
[15:17] ---
You'll never pick up any Edo women that way, baldy.
[15:19] ---
Why don't you just croak.
[15:20] Prince Hata
I see... I thought we met somewhere before, but...
[15:24] ---
I can't ignore a damsel in distress.
[15:27] ---
How about we assist them in their search? Eh, Jii?
[15:33] Jiiya
Um, I'll pass. I have a gate-ball match at 4 o'clock.
[15:37] Prince Hata
Old fart. I'll send you through the gate of Hell.
[15:40] Katsura
Prince, there's something I'd like to ask you.
[15:43] ---
There's a rumor going around the children that a monster lives here.
[15:47] ---
Any idea what that might be?
[15:51] Gintoki
What was that? That growl?!
[15:53] Katsura
Something's coming. This time... Something's coming!
[15:59] Prince Hata
Pochi, show me some love.
[16:01] ---
Is this your monster?
[16:04] ---
Pochi is not a monster.
[16:06] Prince Hata
You're in the yard I prepared for my pet, Pochi.
[16:10] ---
I bought this abandoned samurai mansion, and turned it into Pochi's playground.
[16:14] Prince Hata
You don't have to worry. Pochi wouldn't hurt a child. Right, Pochi?
[16:20] Katsura
Excuse me... May I pet him, too?
[16:24] Gintoki
Hey, don't.
[16:26] Katsura
Good boy, good boy...
[16:28] ---
What're you afraid of?
[16:30] ---
He certainly has a big body, but such a lovable animal wouldn't hurt anyone.
[16:35] ---
It's an angel. An angel.
[16:41] Gintoki
Hey! It's an angel and a devil rolled into one!
[16:45] Katsura
An angel and devil dancing cheek to cheek!!
[16:48] Prince Hata
Pochi is an unusual species I found on a remote planet.
[16:51] ---
The bottom part is fake, right?
[16:53] ---
Animals lured in by cute faces get eaten by the main part. What a fabulous organism!
[16:59] Gintoki
And we're in exactly that situation, aren't we?
[17:02] Prince Hata
It's fine. Pochi only eats salami. Right, precious?
[17:11] Prince Hata
He's, you know... Just playing. Seriously.
[17:15] Gintoki
No way! He just ate your head nub thingy!
[17:19] Prince Hata
I'm fine, I tell you. This will grow back.
[17:22] Gintoki
Look out! This isn't funny!
[17:25] Kid A
Yo-chan, this doesn't sound good. It's going to get those people, too.
[17:27] Kid A
Yeah...
[17:28] Kid A
Yo-chan! Where're you going? Yo-chan!
[17:32] Teruhiko
...Aunties! Hang in there, Aunties!
[17:39] Gintoki
Hey... You okay, kid?
[17:41] Katsura
You really had us worried. Are you hurt?
[17:44] Teruhiko
I could as you the same question!
[17:47] Gintoki
Zura, you really are in sorry shape. Where'd you put your body?
[17:51] Katsura
You're just an exposed head yourself. Namu Amida Butsu.
[17:54] Gintoki
Shinpachi! Kagura! Sadaharu! Farewell!
[17:58] Teruhiko
Calm down. The two of you have just been buried, that's all.
[18:01] Katsura
I see.
[18:02] Katsura
There's nothing to worry about anymore. We've come to save you.
[18:04] ---
Or should I say, please save us.
[18:05] Teruhiko
Why did you come here, aunties?
[18:07] Gintoki
Never mind that. We're glad you're safe.
[18:10] Teruhiko
Yeah. I was hiding up in a tree the whole time.
[18:14] Teruhiko
I didn't dare come down. Then I saw you being carried off by that thing.
[18:19] Prince Hata
That Pochi, he learned a new trick. How sweet.
[18:22] Jiiya
Prince, Pochi does this when he wants to store his food.
[18:28] Jiiya
What're you going to do about this, you idiot prince?!
[18:30] ---
My life and my gate-ball match are over!
[18:33] Prince Hata
Shut up, you old fart!
[18:34] ---
If we get out of this, I'm definitely firing you!
[18:37] Jiiya
Go right ahead.
[18:38] Jiiya
We're all going to die here anyway.
[18:42] Teruhiko
I'm sorry, everybody. It's my fault this happened...
[18:47] Teruhiko
What have I done?
[18:49] ---
I've caused so much trouble for everyone...
[18:51] ---
I wanted to somehow prove that I wasn't weak.
[18:55] Teruhiko
But...
[18:56] ---
I was so angry that everyone made fun of Dad.
[18:58] ---
Dad is the way he is, but I know that he has a spirit that's stronger and purer than anyone.
[19:05] Teruhiko
But no one sees that. They don't even try.
[19:10] Teruhiko
It makes me so angry...
[19:11] Teruhiko
I'm... so frustrated.
[19:14] Gintoki
You...
[19:19] Prince Hata
He's coming...
[19:21] Prince Hata
Pochi, if you have to eat, then eat Jii!
[19:23] ---
I'm all fat and bad for your health!
[19:26] Jiiya
What're you saying?!
[19:27] ---
If you eat me, my bones will stick in your throat for sure! Eat the prince!
[19:33] Gintoki
Hey! Hey! He's coming this way!
[19:34] Katsura
That's enough! Forget about us and just run away!
[19:38] Gintoki
You'll be killed, too! Hey! Are you listening?!
[19:40] Teruhiko
Shut up! I'm strong! I won't run away!
[19:43] Katsura
This is no time to say such things! Hurry!
[19:45] Katsura
Runnnn!!
[19:56] Gintoki
You are strong...
[20:00] Gintoki/Katsura
We already knew that!
[20:02] Gintoki
You and your dad are both men of strong spirit.
[20:08] Gintoki
You think nobody can see that? Don't be stupid.
[20:11] Gintoki
Those who can see that, see it.
[20:14] Katsura
At the very least, there are two right here who can see it. Remember that.
[20:18] Teruhiko
Auntie...
[20:19] Saigo
As if you would know.
[20:36] Teruhiko
M-Mom!
[20:58] Katsura
I remember now...
[21:00] Katsura
Back during the Amanto invasion,
[21:02] Katsura
there was a man who wore nothing but a white loincloth when he stormed the enemy battleship.
[21:04] Katsura
He fought until that white loincloth was stained crimson with the blood of the enemy.
[21:07] Katsura
His exploits are legend.
[21:09] ---
The Demon, Tokumori Saigo!
[21:29] Katsura
He's our great Senpai.
[21:34] Teruhiko
M-Mom... I'm sorry. I...
[21:39] Saigo
Idiot! Right now, call me Dad.
[21:44] Saigo
Hey.
[21:45] Saigo
You two are fired.
[21:47] ---
You still can't dance, no matter how much you practice.
[21:50] ---
If you ever call us freaks again, I won't go easy on you, you hear?!
[21:55] Saigo
And one other thing...
[21:57] Saigo
If you are ever feeling frisky, come visit the club for a good time.
[22:01] Saigo
We'll treat you real special.
[22:09] Gintoki
He scares me.
[22:10] Katsura
Looks like we didn't need to worry.
[22:13] Katsura
They're no different than samurai. They have a path of their own to follow.
[22:20] Teruhiko
My Father-Mother.
[22:22] Teruhiko
My mother is my mother, but she's also my father.
[22:26] Teruhiko
Actually, she's my father, but she's my mother.
[22:31] Teruhiko
Mother has a lot of ladies around her,
[22:34] Teruhiko
who call themselves butterflies, but they're really more like moths.
[22:39] Teruhiko
But they're all good people.
[22:42] ---
I think their spirits are purer than anyone else's.
[22:48] Teruhiko
Mom, everyone. I hope you remain wonderful moths forever.
[22:53] Teruhiko
I love you all. The end.
[23:01] Prince Hata
I really should stop coming to Earth.
SIGN ["Actually, you did want this leather jacket, didn't you?"]
SIGN ["Hmph! I just accepted it for your sake."]
SIGN
[24:40] Shinpachi
Gin-san, Gin-san!
[24:42] ---
Gin Tama's been renewed for a third season!
[24:44] Gintoki
Really?
[24:45] Shinpachi
We have to celebrate!
[24:47] Gintoki
Shall we splurge on sukiyaki, then?
[24:51] Gintoki
The next episode: "A Shared Soup Pot is a Microcosm of Life."
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