E256.5 - Gintama Classic - Definitely Do Not Let Your Girlfriend See The Things You Use For Cross-dressing / There's Almost a 100% Chance You’ll Forget Your Umbrella and Hate Yourself For It

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Sora
    -
SIGN    -
[01:32] SHINPACHI
    We're doing this to earn back payments
    on our rent, Gin-san.
[01:36] GINTOKI
    It's not Gin-san. I'm Pako right now.
[01:38] GINTOKI
    Today, I forget all about the pride of being a man
    and the thing that hangs between my legs.
[01:41] SAIGO
    Hey, you two aren't smiling. Smile!
[01:45] BANEKO
    That's right. Right now you guys are...
[01:47] WAKAME
    ...splendid butterflies
    dancing in the night.
[01:49] AGOMI
    This special dancing team...
[01:51] SAIGO
    You're a member of Kamaxile!
SIGN    [A parody of Exile, a 14-member Japanese pop music band. And "Kama," short for "okama" (drag queen).]
[01:54] DRUNK
    Hey! Dance better!
[01:56] GINTOKI
    You shut up! I'll kill you, Baldy!
[01:58] BANEKO
    Hey, you, he's our customer!
SIGN    ["Definitely Do Not Let Your Girlfriend See The Things You Use For Cross-dressing"]
SIGN    [GIRLY BOY CLUB]
SIGN    [PAYMENT]
[02:08] SIAGO
    Here's the payment for
    both Pako and Pachie.
[02:12] SHINPACHI
    Thank you very much.
[02:14] SAIGO
    You were a mess, but thank you for helping
    us out when we were short on staff.
[02:18] BANEKO
    You can officially join KAMAXILE and
    be a real member if you'd like.
[02:23] GINTOKI
    Shut up. Who would wanna
    join your toad-ugly group?!
[02:27] BANEKO
    Hey, that's so rude of you!
    Who's an ugly toad?
[02:29] BANEKO
    We know we're beautiful, so
    stop being jealous, already!
[02:32] WAKAME
    That's right! He's jealous
    of us! He's envious!
[02:34] GINTOKI
    Hey, you guys, it's too late to think positively
    after you look in the mirror.
[02:38] BANEKO/WAKAME
    What?!
[02:41] AGOMI
    Good work today.
[02:42] SHINPACHI
    Ah, Agomi-san.
[02:44] AGOMI
    It's not Agomi. My name is Azumi.
[02:49] SHINPACHI
    For some reason, she seems depressed.
[02:50] WAKAME
    She's been like that lately.
[02:52] BANEKO
    She's all right at work, but right after
    she finishes, she gets like that.
[02:56] GINTOKI
    Ah, I guess all her energy
    goes right to her chin.
[02:59] WAKAME/BANEKO
    Maybe so.
[03:04] WAKAME
    Get home safe.
[03:06] SHINPACHI
    Have a nice night.
[03:08] GINTOKI
    There's no scarier place than that.
[03:11] KAGURA
    That's true. It's like "Scary
    Face Safari Park."
[03:14] AGOMI
    Hey, wait!
[03:16] SHINPACHI
    Agomi-san.
[03:17] AGOMI
    My name is Azumi.
[03:19] AGOMI
    I have something to ask you, Odd Jobs.
SIGN    [RAMEN DAIGAKUIN]
[03:25] AGOMI
    ...It was two weeks ago...
[03:27] AGOMI
    As usual, I stopped by my favorite
    ramen shop after work.
[03:32] WAITER
    Here's your boiling stone
    bowl ramen special!
[03:36] AGOMI
    Wow! It looks so yummy!
[03:38] AGOMI
    Let's eat!
[03:44] AGOMI
    It's hot!!
[03:46] AGOMI
    Owwww!
[03:54] JUROTA
    Are you...all right?
[03:57] ---
    At that moment, I realized it.
[04:02] AGOMI
    That's right.
[04:04] ---
    It was love at first sight!
[04:10] AGOMI
    Hey! Are you listening to me?!
[04:12] GINTOKI
    I guess I'm lacking sleep.
    I feel dizzy, Shinpachi-kun.
[04:16] SHINPACHI
    Don't worry. I'm really
    dizzy, too, Gin-san.
[04:20] KAGURA
    I feel like I'm pregnant. I feel like
    throwing up so bad, Gin-chan.
[04:24] GINTOKI
    Don't worry. I'm about to
    throw up, too, Kagura.
[04:28] AGOMI
    His name is Jurota.
[04:30] AGOMI
    He's a rookie host at Takamagahara,
    a well-known club in Kabukicho.
[04:35] SHINPACHI
    Takamagahara... That's
    Kyoshiro-san's...
[04:38] AGOMI
    I'm just another hostess...
    And he's a host...
[04:41] AGOMI
    That's right. An innocent young girl
    like me is destined to play around.
[04:47] GINTOKI
    I think I'm suffering from
    auditory hallucinations.
[04:49] GINTOKI
    It sounded like he described himself as
    an innocent young girl, Shinpachi-kun.
[04:52] SHINPACHI
    Don't worry, he really did say
    "innocent girl," Gin-san.
[04:57] GINTOKI
    Are you all right, Kagura?
[04:59] SHINPACHI
    Kagura-chan.
[05:00] AGOMI
    I've never suffered so much over
    a passionate love affair before.
[05:04] AGOMI
    So I need your help!
[05:06] AGOMI
    I'm really suffering. It
    almost makes me want to die.
[05:09] GINTOKI
    All right, here we go!
[05:11] AGOMI
    Hey! Why are you going to kill me?!
[05:14] GINTOKI
    Well, you said you wanted to die, so I
    was going to help you on your journey.
[05:18] GINTOKI
    I was going to be the
    travel agent for hell.
[05:21] AGOMI
    That's not what I meant!
[05:22] ---
    I want you to help lead me to love!
[05:25] ---
    I want you to put me on an
    international flight of love!
[05:28] GINTOKI
    That kind of international
    flight is impossible!
[05:30] ---
    Even if you had a spaceship that
    can travel at warp speed,
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Space Battleship Yamato.]
[05:32] ---
    an old man's love would
    never reach that host!
[05:35] AGOMI
    Who's the old man in love?!
[05:36] THREE
    It's you!
[05:40] AGOMI
    If I don't do something, I'll go crazy.
[05:43] AGOMI
    I feel like I'm going to turn
    into a love monster!
[05:46] SHINPACHI
    Well, you already are
    a monster, I guess.
[05:50] AGOMI
    If you can't help me out,
    comfort me at least!
[05:53] GINTOKI
    No way! No, no!
[05:54] GINTOKI
    Healing the loneliness of
    an innocent old man
[05:56] GINTOKI
    isn't on the list of the
    Odd Job's job duties!
[05:58] AGOMI
    Then what do you think I should do?!
[06:01] SHINPACHI
    Gin-san...
[06:04] GINTOKI
    I guess we have no choice.
SIGN    [Three days later...]
[06:06] GINTOKI
    We can try asking Kyoshiro.
[06:10] AGOMI
    Welcome to the host
    club, Takamagahara.
[06:15] AGOMI
    That's right. I started working
    as a new host
[06:18] AGOMI
    in a black suit under the
    name Agonosuke.
[06:20] AGOMI
    I locked away my true self deep
    in the bottom of my heart.
[06:23] AGOMI
    Of course, it was a painful choice.
[06:26] AGOMI
    I know... It doesn't mean the distance between
    our hearts is getting any closer.
[06:31] GINTOKI
    Hey, you look like you're down! A-go-mi!
[06:33] AGOMI
    Huh? Is that so?
[06:35] GINTOKI
    You idiot!
[06:39] GINTOKI
    Really... You showed your true colors
    so quickly after I called you by name.
[06:42] KAGURA
    Are you even trying, you bastard?!
[06:45] GINTOKI
    Hey, listen up.
[06:46] GINTOKI
    We're gonna act like angry customers
    and pick a fight with Jurota.
[06:50] GINTOKI
    You protect him from us.
[06:53] GINTOKI
    Then the distance between
    your hearts will shrink.
[06:57] AGOMI
    Pako...
[06:59] AGOMI
    I...If I wasn't falling in love with him,
    I would fall in love with you guys.
[07:03] THREE
    Please don't!
[07:07] JUROTA
    Hello, I'm Jurota, the person you
    requested. It's nice to meet you.
[07:11] GINTOKI
    Wow! You're so cute!
[07:14] SHINPACHI
    So true! I'm going to fall for you!
[07:16] KAGURA
    Hey, give us more services!
[07:19] JUROTA
    Hey, wait...miss!
[07:21] GINTOKI
    We do get more, right?!
[07:23] SHINPACHI (M)
    Agomi-san, now is the time!
[07:24] GINTOKI (M)
    You're using us as steppingstones to build
    up a trusting relationship with him!
[07:29] AGOMI
    That smooth skin... I want to eat it...
[07:34] GINTOKI
    You messed up!
[07:36] SHINPACHI (M)
    We have no choice, Gin-san!
[07:38] ---
    Let's go to plan B!
[07:41] SHINPACHI
    Well now, let's lighten the mood
    a bit. Chug that!
[07:44] JUROTA
    Well, but this is too...
[07:46] KAGURA
    Show us how cool you are!
[07:49] GINTOKI (M)
    That's right. The customer who
    forces a host to drink is...
[07:52] GINTOKI (M)
    ...a real troublemaker!
[07:53] ---
    Agomi, this is your chance!!
[07:57] AGOMI
    Excuse me, Jurota-san...
[07:59] AGOMI
    ...let me have that drink.
[08:03] JUROTA
    Agonosuke-san...
[08:06] AGOMI (M)
    Here we go...Azumi...
[08:13] AGOMI (M)
    I can do this!
[08:15] AGOMI (M)
    Men have courage!
[08:16] AGOMI (M)
    Women are lovable! But cross-dressers
    are the most passionate!
[08:27] JUROTA
    Agonosuke-san!
[08:29] JUROTA
    A-Are you all right?!
[08:32] JUROTA
    I'm so relieved...
[08:34] ---
    You saved me, Agonosuke-san.
[08:42] HOST
    Thanks for coming.
[08:44] SHINPACHI
    Well, all kinds of things were happening,
    but it was good for Agomi-san.
[08:47] GINTOKI
    Sort of.
[08:49] SAIGO
    Wait.
[08:52] SHINPACHI
    Saigo-san.
[08:56] HOST
    Hey, Agonosuke, when you're free,
[08:58] HOST
    can you clean up the locker
    room for your fellow hosts?
[09:00] AGOMI
    Certainly.
SIGN    [HOST LOCKER ROOM]
[09:05] SAIGO
    What are you guys doing with him?
[09:08] GINTOKI
    Nothing really.
[09:12] GINTOKI
    It's what Agomi wanted. So we're
    just giving him a supportive push.
[09:16] SAIGO
    But you do know, right?
[09:19] SAIGO
    In the end, Agomi's love won't
    ever be reciprocated.
[09:22] SAIGO
    Besides, he's an ordinary host,
    especially around them.
[09:24] SAIGO
    If you do something unnecessary, and
    it hurts him, what are you going to do?
[09:29] SAIGO
    Don't tell me you think things
    will work out between them.
[09:35] GINTOKI
    No need to worry.
[09:37] GINTOKI
    It's like Agomi is more a young girl
    in love than a real girl right now.
[09:41] GINTOKI
    Just looking at a man from a
    distance gives him a fantasy.
[09:45] GINTOKI
    But men in the real world
    are always nasty.
[09:48] GINTOKI
    And not only in the way
    they treat woman...
[09:50] GINTOKI
    ...but also in their lifestyle, the
    way they smell, everything.
[09:53] GINTOKI
    If Agomi finds out about their real lives,
    his fantasies will be crushed.
[09:59] GINTOKI
    Then she'll...
[10:01] GINTOKI
    ...realize that she has to move
    on for the sake of tomorrow.
[10:04] SHINPACHI
    Gin-san...
[10:08] AGOMI
    No!
[10:10] AGOMI
    This is...
[10:11] AGOMI
    This is...
[10:12] AGOMI
    ...Jurota-kun's...
[10:14] ---
    ...smell!
[10:17] AGOMI
    Is this Jurota-kun's locker?
[10:18] ---
    Oh, yes! Oh, sweet!
[10:21] ---
    What's this? Nice smell! Oh, no! I'm
    going up! I'm rising to heaven!
[10:32] JUROTA
    It's not like that!
[10:33] JUROTA
    Well, see you later!
[10:36] JUROTA
    Wow! Great!
[10:39] JUROTA
    Agonosuke-san must be working
    really hard to clean up!
[10:50] JUROTA
    A-Agonosuke-san...
[10:52] AGOMI
    That's right... You found out...
[10:55] AGOMI
    And so I might as well...
[11:05] SHINPACHI
    It looks like Agomi-san quit the
    club after disgracing himself.
[11:09] KAGURA
    It ended up being his hopeless love.
[11:12] GINTOKI
    Serious feelings sometimes have
    a cruel ending, you know.
[11:17] ---
    But Agomi will move on for the
    sake of a new tomorrow.
[11:20] JUROTA
    Thanks for waiting!
[11:22] AGOMI
    Oh, no! I didn't wait at all.
[11:26] AGOMI
    Well, let's go!
[11:27] JUROTA
    Yeah, Azumi-san.
[11:29] SHINPACHI
    Gin-san...What's...that?
[11:32] GINTOKI
    Well, you know... He moved on for
    the sake of a new tomorrow...
[11:36] GINTOKI
    ...with Jurota-kun.
[11:37] KAGURA/SHINPACHI
    What the...?!
[11:46] GINTOKI
    It's raining today, too...
[11:49] GINTOKI
    When rainy days come so often,
    it makes my heart gloomy as well.
[11:54] KAGURA
    Rainy day, rainy day, more rainy days...
    It makes my brain moldy, too.
[12:00] GINTOKI
    It was already like that.
[12:02] GINTOKI
    How many days have
    we not seen the sun?
[12:05] ---
    It looks like mushrooms are
    growing on my crotch.
[12:07] KAGURA
    It was already like that.
[12:10] GINTOKI
    There are no clients. I don't feel
    like going out in the rain.
[12:14] GINTOKI
    There's no money.
[12:15] GINTOKI
    Sadaharu stinks and my feet stink,
    too, and so does Shinpachi.
[12:19] SHINPACHI
    What do you mean, "so does Shinpachi"?
    Don't compare me to your feet.
[12:23] SHINPACHI
    Why are you two being
    so negative? Cheer up!
[12:27] SHINPACHI
    The rainy season will be over soon.
[12:29] SHINPACHI
    Then you can get as much
    sunlight as you want.
[12:33] GINTOKI
    ...That's why I hate the rainy season.
[12:36] GINTOKI
    I'm kind of dubious about the
    name "Tsuyu," anyway.
SIGN    [Note: Tsuyu means rainy season.]
[12:39] GINTOKI
    Just hearing to it makes me feel down.
[12:41] GINTOKI
    Just listening to it makes me feel down.
[12:44] SHINPACHI
    It can't be helped because
    it's the rainy season.
[12:47] GINTOKI
    Why don't we call it
    by a different name?
[12:49] GINTOKI
    Something with a more exhilarating tone.
[12:51] GINTOKI
    How about "Happy Birthday To You?"
SIGN    [Note: Japanese pronounce "to you" like tsu-yu. Tsuyu = rainy season.]
[12:55] SHINPACHI
    ...Isn't that a little long?
[12:56] KAGURA
    It's too difficult to say.
    I prefer "Girl's Day."
SIGN    [Note: Kagura refers to the day of a girl's menstrual period.]
[12:59] SHINPACHI
    No, that sounds like a different day.
[13:01] SHINPACHI
    That's even more difficult to say.
[13:02] SHINPACHI
    And it's not even an appropriate word
    for a show in this timeslot.
[13:04] GINTOKI
    Then let's adopt the middle viewpoint
    and call it "Independence Day."
[13:08] SHINPACHI
    Why is that the middle?
[13:11] GINTOKI
    From now on, call "Tsuyu"
    "Independence Day."
[13:16] SHINPACHI
    Anyway...well... "Independence Day"
    will be over soon, so let's cheer up!
[13:24] GINTOKI
    Man, I really hate "Tsuyu"!
[13:26] KAGURA
    I don't feel like doing anything.
[13:28] SHINPACHI
    ...Huh? Aren't you going to
    use "Independence Day"?
[13:31] SHINPACHI
    I felt a bit embarrassed saying that.
[13:33] GINTOKI
    Huh? Shinpachi-kun, did you just say
    "Indepen...something"? What's that?
[13:38] SHINPACHI
    No-No, I didn't... I didn't
    say that! What's that?!
[13:41] GINTOKI
    Yeah, you just said it.
    "Indepen...something."
[13:44] GINTOKI
    Isn't it popular right now?
    Is it something cool?
[13:46] SHINPACHI
    I didn't say that! I don't
    even know what it is!
[13:48] KAGURA
    You guys are too noisy!
[13:51] KAGURA
    Stop annoying me and just shut up!
[13:52] SHINPACHI
    Who do think is the most
    annoying person?
[13:55] SHINPACHI
    You guys are just taking
    your stress out on me!
[13:57] GINTOKI
    Not really. I don't take
    my stress out on you.
[13:59] GINTOKI
    I'm not annoying at all, either.
[14:01] KAGURA
    Don't talk! I'm so annoyed
    listening to you guys talk!
[14:04] GINTOKI
    You're the one who shouldn't
    be talking! What's that?
[14:06] GINTOKI
    Those mini gongs on your head! There's
    something ugly on your head!
[14:08] KAGURA
    Oh? Why do you wear only
    one sleeve of that robe?!
[14:10] KAGURA
    Why don't you wear it properly?!
[14:12] SHINPACHI
    Good grief! I give up! I don't care
    about you guys anymore!
[14:15] GINTOKI
    Shut up!
[14:15] KAGURA
    Shut up, Four-eyes!
[14:16] ---
    Who you calling Four-eyes?!
SIGN    ["There's Almost a 100% Chance You'll Forget Your Umbrella and Hate Yourself For It"]
[14:28] GINTOKI
    Why do I have to go out with you
    guys on such a rainy day?
[14:32] SHINPACHI
    When we stay in the house and
    brood, we get depressed.
[14:37] SHINPACHI
    We should go out at such times.
[14:39] ---
    And this isn't so bad, you know.
[14:42] SHINPACHI
    An Edokko should enjoy each
    season's highlights.
SIGN    [Note: Edokko is a Japanese term referring to a person born and raised in Edo/Tokyo.]
[14:46] SHINPACHI
    For example, look! Here come some
    girls walking with umbrellas.
[14:49] SHINPACHI
    Aren't they pure and beautiful?
[15:15] GINTOKI
    We see girls with umbrellas
    all throughout the year.
[15:19] GINTOKI
    And girls with wet see-through
    T-shirts are more...
[15:24] GINTOKI
    Hey, what are you doing?
[15:26] SHINPACHI
    Kagura-chan, you'll catch a cold.
[15:30] KAGURA
    ...It's broken.
[15:32] GINTOKI
    Huh?
[15:33] KAGURA
    My umbrella is broken.
[15:37] ---
    Just leave me alone.
[15:38] KAGURA
    Women sometimes want
    to walk in the rain.
[15:42] GINTOKI
    Hey. Your head is what's broken!
[15:44] SHINPACHI
    What's with her?
[15:46] GINTOKI
    Just leave her alone.
[15:47] GINTOKI
    Brats like rain, storms, typhoons
    and all that kind of stuff.
[15:57] SHINPACHI
    By the way, we ran out
    of laundry detergent.
SIGN    [OEDO STORE]
[16:15] KAGURA
    Gin-chan, did you buy
    my pickled seaweed?
[16:18] GINTOKI
    Buy it yourself, brat.
[16:21] GINTOKI
    Here.
[16:25] KAGURA
    I-I don't want it.
    That umbrella is too flashy.
[16:29] GINTOKI
    Who said it was for you?
[16:32] GINTOKI
    This is for me. Just use that dirty one.
[16:36] SHINPACHI
    Wow, nice umbrella, Gin-san.
    It looks cool and chic.
[16:41] GINTOKI
    This is nice, isn't it?
    Even though it only costs 100 yen.
[16:45] KAGURA
    Hey, wait! That's weird. It's weird if a
    man uses it! I can take it if you like.
[16:52] GINTOKI
    That's all right. It's all right
    if women walk in the rain.
[18:24] GINTOKI
    It's raining again today...
[18:26] SHINPACHI
    Whenever it rains,
    Kagura-chan goes out.
[18:30] SHINPACHI
    She really is a girl at heart.
[18:32] GINTOKI
    Humph. Brats like rain, storms, typhoons,
    and all that kind of stuff.
[18:36] SHINPACHI
    That reminds me, the rain is supposed
    to get worse today.
[18:40] SHINPACHI
    I wonder if she'll be all right.
[19:05] GINTOKI
    It's raining again today...
[19:07] SHINPACHI
    Kagura-chan is out today again?
    After all, she's a girl.
[19:12] GINTOKI
    Brats like rain, storms, typhoons
    and all that kind of stuff.
[19:16] SHINPACHI
    By the way, the 7th typhoon is going to
    hit Edo. I wonder if she'll be all right.
[19:47] SHINPACHI
    Kagura-chan.
[19:49] KAGURA
    ...What?
[19:51] SHINPACHI
    The weather was really rough,
    so we were worried about you.
[19:54] SHINPACHI
    You're all drenched. Are you all right?
[20:00] SHINPACHI
    Kagura-chan, make sure you completely
    dry off with a towel, okay?
[20:04] KAGURA
    All right.
[21:46] GINTOKI
    Hey, young lady. Young lady!
[21:49] GINTOKI
    You have such a cool umbrella.
[21:52] GINTOKI
    Would you mind letting us under it?
    Because ours broke.
[22:00] GINTOKI
    Boy, "Independence Day" makes me feel
    really gloomy. That's why I hate it.
[22:07] KAGURA
    No, I think "Independence
    Day" isn't all that bad.
[22:11] ---
    
[23:52] Sora
    It takes too much effort
    to use a dip pen.
[23:55] Sora
    Takes too much effort
    to draw backgrounds.
SIGN    Voice / Sorachi Hideki
[23:57] Sora
    Takes too much effort to
    draw manga in general.
[23:59] Sora
    Hell, it takes too much effort to live.
[24:03] Sora
    I want to be a cheese steamed bun!