E256.C - Gintama Classic - Life is a Test

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] YAMAZAKI
    Umm, excuse me.
[01:32] ANTIFOREIGNER FACTIONMEMBER B
    Wh-Who are you?!
[01:33] YAMAZAKI
    H-Hold on a second. I'm not suspicious.
[01:37] ANTIFOREIGNER FACTIONMEMBER B
    Who are you?! Give us your name!!
[01:38] YAMAZAKI
    Umm... I see that you have a sword at your
    side when there's a ban on swords...
[01:42] YAMAZAKI
    I assume that you are Anti-Foreigner
    Faction members.
[01:46] ANTIFOREIGNER FACTIONMEMBER B
    What do you want?!
[01:47] YAMAZAKI
    Please...
[01:48] YAMAZAKI
    Would you...
[01:50] YAMAZAKI
    Would you let me join the ranks
    of the Anti-Foreigner Faction?
SIGN    ["Life is a Test"]
[02:01] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is the most dangerous
    part of my job as a spy.
[02:04] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    It's called undercover investigations.
[02:07] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I sneak into the ranks of the enemy and
    leak secret information to my allies.
[02:11] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The rewards are huge, but so is the risk.
[02:14] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Therefore, only the most skilled
    spies take on these missions.
[02:20] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    You must be skilled enough to
    mask your true feelings while
[02:23] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    risking your life when faced with the danger
    of being discovered by the enemy.
[02:25] ---
    And you can't make a single mistake
    when in enemy territory.
[02:29] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    You need finesse to perform your job
    with precision in extreme situations.
[02:33] ---
    And...
[02:34] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    You need to be extremely bland in
    order to blend in with everything.
[02:37] ---
    The person in the Shinsengumi
[02:39] ---
    who has all of these traits is none
    other than I, Sagaru Yamazaki.
[02:43] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I never expected Anti-Foreigner Faction
    members to be hiding in a town like this.
[02:48] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Akiba Neo, the underground city.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Akihabara.]
[02:50] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Called a holy land by otaku, it's Edo's
    most famous mechanical district.
[02:53] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The town is like a maze. It's indeed
    a perfect place for hiding out.
[03:04] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The Unstoppable Kotaro Katsura.
[03:07] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I have to get close to him. Find
    out where his officials are...
[03:11] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    And round up all of the Anti-Foreigner
    Faction members.
[03:14] KATSURA
    I see. I understand.
[03:20] KATSURA
    All right. Let's begin the interview.
[03:24] YAMAZAKI
    Huh?
[03:25] KATSURA
    Give me your resume.
[03:27] YAMAZAKI
    Huh? Umm... I can't join the Anti-Foreigner
    Faction without passing an interview?
[03:32] KATSURA
    It's a precaution against spies.
[03:34] KATSURA
    I can't fight and leave my back open to
    someone with a suspicious background.
[03:38] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What is this?
[03:40] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Why do I need to take an interview to partake
    in Anti-Foreigner Faction activities?
[03:42] YAMAZAKI
    S-Sorry... I forgot my resume.
[03:46] ---
    But I am more concerned about
    my country than anyone else.
[03:50] KATSURA
    I don't care about that.
    Just give me your resume.
[03:59] ---
    Let me give this to you straight.
[04:02] ---
    Don't you have any common sense?
[04:04] ---
    When you go job hunting, you usually
    bring a resume with you.
[04:08] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Job hunting? I'm job hunting?!
[04:11] KATSURA
    You're supposed to come in a suit.
[04:14] KATSURA
    What did you come here for?
[04:16] KATSURA
    I'm not the only one who will tell you this.
[04:19] ---
    Just to let you know, any company
    will say the same thing.
[04:22] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    You're not a company!
[04:24] KATSURA
    Also, you sat down before I told you to.
[04:29] KATSURA
    Usually, you sit after your
    interviewer tells you to sit.
[04:33] YAMAZAKI
    S-Sorry...
[04:35] KATSURA
    All businesses want people
    who have common sense.
[04:40] KATSURA
    We say that a person's education
    decides his worth...
[04:42] KATSURA
    But anyone can learn their
    job while they're doing it.
[04:47] MAID
    Master, welcome back.
[04:49] KATSURA
    I'm not "master." I'm Katsura.
[04:51] MAID
    If you pay a special fee, you
    can have fun with the maids.
[04:55] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I don't need you of all
    people to tell me that!!
[04:57] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Why do I have to be lectured
    by someone who
[04:59] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    holds an interview in a maid cafe?!
[05:01] KATSURA
    Well, anyway, even though we're
    Anti-Foreigner Faction members,
[05:02] MAID
    Jankenpon.
[05:04] KATSURA
    we need common sense.
[05:04] ---
    Aikodesho, sho, sho, sho.
[05:05] ---
    Revolutionaries destroy
    the existing norms.
[05:08] ---
    And because of that, revolutionaries need
    to understand what's common and normal.
[05:09] ---
    I win!!
[05:10] ---
    Turn that way!
[05:14] KATSURA
    Keep that in mind if you want to become
    an Anti-Foreigner Faction member.
[05:18] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh? I thought I was going to fail,
[05:21] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    but this looks kind of good, doesn't it?
[05:23] MAID
    Jankenpon.
[05:23] KATAURA
    Well, the interview is over.
     Hey, take him.
[05:25] ---
    Aikodesho.
[05:27] MAID
    Aikodesho, sho, sho, sho.
[05:27] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    He said it was an interview, but did
    he really just want to meet me?
[05:30] ANTIFOREIGNER FACTIONMEMBER A
    Let's go.
[05:31] YAMAZAKI
    Oh, yes.
[05:34] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    That's right.
[05:35] MAID
    Turn that way!
[05:35] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    There's no way the Anti-Foreigner
    Faction
[05:37] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    would ever do anything weird
    like have interviews.
[05:40] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I'm glad... I managed to infiltrate them.
SIGN    [Anti-Foreigner Faction Employment Exam]
[05:48] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Why does the Anti-Foreigner Faction
    have an entrance test?!
[05:50] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    First an interview, and now a test?!
[05:53] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is no different from
    a regular business!
[05:55] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is weird! This is definitely weird!!
[05:57] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is bad.
[05:58] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I never expected it to be so difficult to become
    an Anti-Foreigner Faction member.
[06:03] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What kind of questions do
    they have on their test?!
[06:05] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I never studied for it!
[06:06] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What is everyone studying?!
[06:08] EXAM STUDENT A
    Hey, did you prepare?
[06:11] EXAM STUDENT A
    I'm in trouble. I didn't study at all.
    I'm going to fail. This is bad.
[06:17] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This guy's bloodshot eyes
    say otherwise.
[06:20] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    There's always one faker in the class.
[06:22] EXAM STUDENT A
    Oh...
[06:24] KATSURA
    All right, quiet down.
[06:26] KATSURA
    We're going to start the Anti-Foreigner
    Faction employment exam.
[06:29] KATSURA
    Put away your textbooks!
[06:31] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What textbooks?!
[06:33] KATSURA
    It's too late to stuff anything
    else into your head now!
[06:36] KATSURA
    You're no match for those who have always
    been doing the review exercises!
[06:39] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Review exercises? What
    review exercises?!
[06:42] KATSURA
    All right, take a look at this.
[06:44] KATSURA
    I'm going to put the questions
    up on the screen one by one.
[06:47] KATSURA
    Everyone, use the panel in front
    of you to answer each question.
[06:51] KATSURA
    Afterwards, I will announce the answer.
[06:54] KATSURA
    We have a proctor keeping watch
    in the back, so try not to cheat.
[06:59] KATSURA
    Everyone, please try your best.
[07:02] KATSURA
    Let the test begin!
SIGN    [Question 1 - Write down the correct reading of the following word: Shinsengumi]
[07:05] KATSURA
    Question one. Write down the correct
    reading of the following word.
[07:07] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What is this?! It's incredibly easy!! I see!
[07:12] KATSURA
    Even though we're Anti-Foreigner Faction
    members, we need common sense.
[07:15] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Even if it's a test, it's a question to see
    how much common sense one has!
[07:19] ---
    I haven't studied for this test, but
    it looks like I can pass this.
SIGN    [Shinsengumi]
[07:22] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The answer is "Shinsengumi"!
[07:24] KATSURA
    All right, time's up. This is the answer.
SIGN    [Scum]
[07:28] KATSURA
    The answer is "scum."
[07:29] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    On what planet is that common sense?!
[07:32] KATSURA
    Well, this is common sense amongst
    Anti-Foreigner Faction members.
[07:35] KATSURA
    Other answers like "idiots," "trash," and
    "lately intrusive" are also correct.
[07:39] EXAM STUDENT B
    All right! I got it correct!
[07:41] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Is that what these guys usually call us?!
[07:44] EXAM STUDENT A
    Tsk! A trick question.
SIGN    [Shin (crossed out)] Maeragumi]
[07:45] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    You got the question wrong, too!
[07:48] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What did you study all night?!
[07:50] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is bad. I can't even get the correct
    answer using common sense.
[07:53] ---
    I need to answer the questions with the mindset
    of an Anti-Foreigner Faction member.
SIGN    [Question 2 - Write down the correct reading for the following word: Shogun]
[07:56] KATSURA
    The second question. Write down the
    correct reading for the following word.
SIGN    [Shogun Shogun Shogun Shogun Shogun Shogun]
[08:00] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The normal answer would be "shogun."
[08:02] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    But to the Anti-Foreigner Faction,
    he is the boss of the enemy.
[08:06] ---
    Which means...
SIGN    [Smegma]
[08:07] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I'll get it right if I insult him.
SIGN    [Correct Answer: Ken Matsudaira]
[08:09] KATSURA
    The correct answer is Ken Matsudaira.
[08:11] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Why is there a kanji reading
    for a kanji word?!
[08:14] KATSURA
    Well, this is common sense
    amongst faction members.
[08:17] KATSURA
    "Roughneck," and "cooking
    lover" are also correct.
SIGN    [Note: "Roughneck" is "Abarenbo" in Japanese. Ken
    Matsudaira is the star of the TV show Abarenbo Shogun.]
[08:20] EXAM STUDENT D
    All right! I did it!!
[08:21] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Why are there people who got it correct?!
[08:23] ---
    What kind of brains do they have?!
SIGN    [Question 3 - Write down the following word in kanji: Jackie Chan]
[08:25] KATSURA
    The third question. Write down
    the following word in kanji.
[08:28] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This doesn't have anything to do with
    the Anti-Foreigner Faction anymore!
[08:30] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Jackie?! I don't know! This
    is just plain unreasonable!
[08:32] KATSURA
    The answer is "nose."
SIGN    [Question 3 - Write down the following word in kanji: Jackie Chan] [Nose]
[08:34] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    You just hate Jackie's nose!!
[08:37] KATSURA
    Well, this is common sense
    amongst faction members.
[08:40] KATSURA
    "Chair" and "Ryo Saeba was pretty
    painful" are also correct.
SIGN    [Note: Jackie Chan played Ryo Saeba in the Hong Kong version of City Hunter.]
[08:43] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    That last one was just your opinion!
    Don't mention City Hunter!
[08:48] KATSURA
    We've been doing Japanese until now.
[08:49] KATSURA
    Starting with the next question,
    we'll be doing math.
[08:51] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is bad... I still haven't
    got a single question right.
[08:55] KATSURA
    Question number four.
[08:56] KATSURA
    There are ten Shinsengumi members.
[08:58] KATSURA
    Six Anti-Foreigner Faction members run
    into them on the side of the road.
[09:01] KATSURA
    The Shinsengumi attack, and three of the Anti-Foreigner
    Faction members are killed.
[09:05] KATSURA
    Unyielding, the Anti-Foreigner Faction members
    kill two Shinsengumi members.
[09:09] KATSURA
    Amidst the confusion of the battle,
[09:10] KATSURA
    two more Shinsengumi
    members are injured,
[09:13] KATSURA
    but six more join them and two Anti-Foreigner
    Faction members are killed.
[09:17] KATSURA
    How many noses does Jackie have?
[09:20] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    One, of course!!
[09:22] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    How long are you going to
    keep talking about Jackie?!
[09:24] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This has absolutely nothing
    to do with the battle!!
[09:26] KATSURA
    Umm... This question is incredibly
    difficult, so I'll give you extra time.
[09:31] KATSURA
    Think about it for an hour.
[09:33] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I don't need an hour!
[09:35] ---
    No...wait! He's been giving us
    deceptive answers until now.
[09:41] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What if Jackie was in this battle?!
[09:44] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What if Jackie's nose...
[09:47] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Was cut off in the battle?!
[09:48] KATSURA
    The correct answer is "one."
[09:50] KATSURA
    You there, be quiet.
[09:52] YAMAZAKI
    Oh, sorry...
[09:54] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I was completely tricked!
[09:56] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I read into it too much and let a
    question I could answer slip by!
[09:59] EXAM STUDENT A
    Tsk! A trick question, huh?
[10:01] EXAM STUDENT A
    That was close.
[10:02] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What exactly were you tricked by?!
[10:05] KATSURA
    Umm... That's it for math.
[10:07] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This isn't math!
SIGN    [Question 5 - Translate the following passage.]
[10:09] KATSURA
    The next section is foreign language.
[10:11] ---
    Question five. Translate
    the following passage.
[10:14] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What language is this?!
    I can't read it at all!!
[10:17] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Is this an alien language
    from another planet?!
[10:19] ---
    An illustration?! That's
    it! That illustration!
[10:22] ---
    That picture has got to represent
    the contents of the passage!
[10:25] ---
    I've got to rely on intuition and
    this picture to translate it!
[10:28] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    No matter how I look at this,
    it's a picture of a battlefield.
[10:30] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    One guy is about to die and the other
    is listening to his last words.
[10:34] ---
    There's no mistake...
[10:37] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    He has something in his hand!
[10:38] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    A letter? No, a photograph!
[10:54] SERGEANT
    Never mind me... Hurry up
    and run away, you maggot!
[10:58] PRIVATE (mono)
    The Sergeant quickly grew
    cold in my arms...
[11:03] PRIVATE (mono)
    He was a drill sergeant who
    was so terrifying and hateful.
[11:08] PRIVATE (mono)
    But right now his face looked so kind.
[11:10] SERGEANT
    Can't you follow your superior's
    orders, you maggot?!
[11:13] SERGEANT
    Maggot! Tell me you're
    a maggot, you maggot!
[11:17] PRIVATE
    Sergeant! I am a maggot!
[11:20] PRIVATE
    I was abandoned by my
    parents like a maggot!
[11:23] ---
    No one will be sad if a
    maggot like me dies!
[11:27] ---
    Please let me do whatever I want!
[11:29] SERGEANT
    What a coincidence, maggot!
[11:32] SERGEANT
    When I took up arms, I also
    discarded my family.
[11:35] SERGEANT
    No one will grieve for me anymore.
    But you're different...
[11:39] PRIVATE (mono)
    After the Sergeant said this he slowly
    took a blood-splattered photograph
[11:43] PRIVATE (mono)
    out of his inner breast pocket.
[11:46] SERGEANT
    You have someone who
    will grieve for you.
[11:49] PRIVATE (mono)
    It was a picture of when my mother
    was still young and healthy.
[11:54] PRIVATE (mono)
    By her side was the Sergeant.
    He was holding a baby.
[11:59] SERGEANT
    Tell me I'm a maggot...my son.
[12:04] PRIVATE
    Instructor...
[12:06] ---
    You're a maggot.
[12:08] ---
    You're a maggot's precious...good-for-nothing
    father!
[12:17] PRIVATE (mono)
    The instructor smiled
    and ceased moving.
[12:24] YAMAZAKI
    All right. This should be good!
[12:27] KATSURA
    Now, the correct answer...
[12:31] SERGEANT
    Jackie's nose is big, isn't it?
[12:33] KATSURA
    That's it.
[12:35] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    It was a picture of Jackie?!
[12:37] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    How long a passage do you need to
    express how big Jackie's nose is?!
[12:43] EXAM STUDENT A
    It was wrong but I was touched.
[12:46] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Don't look at my answer!
    It's too embarrassing!
[12:50] KATSURA
    The next question is the final
    question in the written exam.
[12:53] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The last one already?! Most of the
    questions were only about Jackie!
SIGN    
    
[12:56] KATSURA
    Write down the reason why you want to join
    the Anti-Foreigner faction in Kamchatkan.
[13:00] EXAM STUDENTS
    What?! Kamchatkan?!
[13:03] EXAM STUDENT B
    This is impossible!! I can't write
    in such a difficult language!
[13:07] KATSURA
    This is a difficult question so
    if you get this right, you pass.
[13:13] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    It's over. I failed my mission.
[13:16] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The Vice-Chief is going
    to be angry with me.
[13:17] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I'll just write anything...
[13:20] KATSURA
    Umm... One person got it correct.
    Examinee number 11!
[13:25] YAMAZAKI
    Huh?
[13:25] EXAM STUDENTS
    Wow!
[13:27] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I just wrote anything. Is this for real?!
[13:29] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Whatever the case, I can carry
    out my mission! All right!
[13:34] YAMAZAKI
    I did it!
[13:37] KATSURA
    Umm... Since he got it correct,
    let's take a look at his answer.
[13:39] KATSURA
    When translated, it says, "I came here to
    carry out an undercover investigation.
[13:44] KATSURA
    I will send all you Anti-Foreigner
    Faction members to hell."
[13:49] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh?
[13:57] CM BUMPERYAMAZAKI (mono)
    What?!
[13:59] ---
    Th-This is bad...
[14:01] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    They discovered that I've come to
    do an undercover investigation!
[14:03] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What's the meaning of this?!
[14:05] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Did they know who I was
    from the beginning?!
[14:08] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    U-Umm...
[14:12] KATSURA
    Hmm... You wish to become a part of
    our undercover investigation squad.
[14:14] KATSURA
    Good job. Everyone, give
    him a round of applause.
[14:17] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh?
[14:20] ---
    They didn't find out who I was...
[14:23] ---
    Thank goodness... Now I can...
[14:25] KATSURA
    Those who have passed the written
    exam will now take the final test.
[14:28] KATSURA
    We will have a skills test.
[14:30] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh? Huh?
[14:32] KATSURA
    You will take a skills test for
    undercover investigation.
[14:36] ---
    Undercover investigation is
    one of the most difficult
[14:38] ---
    of Anti-Foreigner Faction activities.
[14:40] ---
    The enemy isn't stupid enough
    to overlook spies.
[14:44] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    There is an idiot right in front of me!!
[14:47] KATSURA
    Even though it's a test, you
    don't know what'll happen.
[14:50] KATSURA
    So you will take the test
    under supervison.
[14:53] ---
    Captain Dragon!
[14:55] YAMAZAKI
    Captain...Dragon?
[15:14] YAMAZAKI
    U-Umm...
[15:15] DRAGON
    Hello, I'm Captain Dragon.
[15:18] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh?
[15:18] DRAGON
    You're going to be sneaking into the headquarters
    of a certain organization with me.
[15:22] DRAGON
    You'll pass if you can steal
    a secret document.
[15:24] ---
    Then you'll be a formal Anti-Foreigner
    Faction member. Got that?
[15:28] YAMAZAKI
    Well, anyway... You're one
    of those, aren't you?
[15:30] YAMAZAKI
    You're supposed to be him, aren't
    you? You're a Jackie look-alike...
[15:33] DRAGON
    I'm not Jackie. I'm Captain Dragon!
[15:36] YAMAZAKI
    Your face is really close to mine.
[15:37] DRAGON
    Let me ask you one thing.
[15:39] DRAGON
    What is the one thing you must protect
[15:40] DRAGON
    more than anything during an
    undercover investigation?
[15:43] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh? Is this a test question?
[15:46] DRAGON
    The answer is "your nose."
[15:47] YAMAZAKI
    Your nose?
[15:48] DRAGON
    That's right. Your nose!
[15:50] DRAGON
    There are many vital spots
    on the human body.
[15:53] DRAGON
    Amateurs often guess that the testicles
    are the most vulnerable spot,
[15:56] DRAGON
    but this is wrong!
[15:57] DRAGON
    The most vulnerable spot is the nose!!
[15:59] DRAGON
    Got that?!
[16:02] KATSURA
    The final test...
[16:05] KATSURA
    Project Z will now begin!!
[16:17] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    There it is. This was unexpectedly easy.
[16:19] YAMAZAKI
    I did it! I've passed the skills test!
[16:26] KATSURA
    What wonderful skills!
    You've passed so far!
[16:29] KATSURA
    But you're being tested until you get that secret
    document safely to our headquarters!
[16:34] ---
    Your excursion continues until you
    greet the people back home!
[16:37] YAMAZAKI
    Shh... Katsura-san, the enemy's
    going to find us!
[16:39] ENEMY D
    Hey, who was talking just now?!
[16:41] ENEMY E
    We've got intruders!
[16:42] ENEMY F
    They're in the secret documents room!
[16:43] YAMAZAKI
    They discovered us!
[16:45] KATSURA
    The enemy found you during a crucial
    time. You're still too naïve.
[16:49] YAMAZAKI
    They discovered us because of you!
[16:51] DRAGON
    Let's run away! Follow
    me, exam student!
[16:54] ENEMY G
    Wait! They're over there!
[16:57] YAMAZAKI
    Th-They followed us!
SIGN    [Question: Choose the correct action to take in this situation.]
[16:59] KATSURA
    Here's a question. Choose the correct
    action to take in this situation.
[17:03] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh?! This is part of the test?!
[17:04] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The correct action? Our only
    choice is to run away...
SIGN    [Clock Tower]
[17:08] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    A bicycle?
[17:09] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Nunchucks? A hanger?
    A dirty soccer ball?
[17:13] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    A clock tower?
[17:14] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I see! I have to use one of these objects!
[17:17] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    More than anything, I should choose
    to escape. In that case...
[17:20] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is it!!
[17:22] KATSURA
    This is the correct answer!!
[17:26] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Oh no! So that was the correct answer!
[17:44] YAMAZAKI
    You fell?!
[17:45] KATSURA
    The answer is, "We'll use that cut for the
    outtakes during the ending credits."
SIGN    [Note: Parody of a Hong Kong Kung-fu action movie.]
[17:50] YAMAZAKI
    I can't use that!
[17:51] KATSURA
    Let's go! We're going to shake them
    off with a car chase. I'm good at that.
[17:54] ENEMY B
    There they are. Stop!
[17:56] DRAGON
    This is bad.
[18:05] YAMAZAKI
    Why your nose?!
[18:06] YAMAZAKI
    If you can protect your nose, you
    should've protect your butt!
[18:07] KATSURA
    Don't worry about us! We've overcome
    danger like this many times.
[18:12] YAMAZAKI
    You're just fools!
[18:18] YAMAZAKI
    It's a dead end.
[18:19] ---
    Crap!
[18:19] ENEMY H
    There they are! They're over there!
[18:22] YAMAZAKI
    Oh no! They're after us!
SIGN    [Question: Choose the correct action to take in this situation.]
[18:23] KATSURA
    Here's a question. Choose the correct
    action to take in this situation.
[18:28] YAMAZAKI
    You should take the correct
    course of action!
[18:30] ---
    Honestly...
[18:31] ---
    We've got to fight!
[18:34] DRAGON
    Wrong. The correct answer
    is to call Fatgon.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of "Enter The Fat Dragon" by Sammo Hung]
[18:38] ---
    Fatgon!
[18:40] FATGON
    What is it, Dragon?
[18:41] YAMAZAKI
    Why Fatgon?! Why is he here?!
[18:43] KATSURA
    If you called Un Pyao, you would
    have gotten half a point.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Yuan Biao. Also a Hong Kong action star.]
[18:46] YAMAZAKI
    Why would I do that?!
[18:48] YAMAZAKI
    Anyway, we've got to
    get away from here!
[18:50] KATSURA
    I see! But I won't give you a point for that!
[18:53] YAMAZAKI
    I don't need any!
[18:55] YAMAZAKI
    Again?! Why is Edo filled
    with dead ends?
[18:58] YAMAZAKI
    What is the Shogunate doing?!
[19:00] KATSURA
    That's a poignant Anti-Foreigner
    Faction-like comment.
[19:02] KATSURA
    I'll give you three points.
[19:03] YAMAZAKI
    You're annoying!
[19:05] YAMAZAKI
    This is the end of the line...
[19:07] KATSURA
    Here's a question. What do you think
    Fatgon should do in this situation?
SIGN    [Question: What should Fatgon do in this situation?]
[19:11] YAMAZAKI
    That has nothing to do with Jackie
    anymore! He's Fatgon!
[19:16] FATGON
    Sorry, Dragon, I don't want to die.
[19:19] DRAGON
    I'm disappointed in you!
[19:21] DRAGON
    You're no different from
    when you were a thief!
[19:23] YAMAZAKI
    I'm disappointed in you for trying
    to get help from a thief!
[19:26] FATGON
    We'll talk afterwards. Get them!
[19:31] DRAGON
    Exam student, use your body to
    protect the secret document!
[19:38] YAMAZAKI
    You should protect more
    than just your nose!
[19:41] ---
    All right, now!
[19:43] KATSURA
    Here's a question!
[19:44] DRAGON
    Your comrade is being attacked!
[19:47] KATSURA
    What should you do?!
[19:48] YAMAZAKI
    Why don't you just ask me for help?!
[19:51] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Katsura is my enemy.
[19:53] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Captain Dragon is allied with
    the Anti-Foreigner Faction.
[19:55] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    In that case, there should be no
    problem if I abandon them.
[19:59] ---
    But this is an undercover mission.
[20:02] ---
    A spy must become an Anti-Foreigner
    Faction member in mind and body.
[20:06] ---
    In that case...
[20:13] YAMAZAKI
    Let's run away, Katsura-san,
    Captain Dragon!
[20:18] KATSURA
    An Anti-Foreigner Faction
    member must sometimes
[20:22] KATSURA
    be cold-hearted in order
    to accomplish his goals.
[20:24] ---
    You should have run away.
[20:27] ---
    I can't give you any points for the test.
[20:31] DRAGON
    But you pass as a human being.
[20:38] YAMAZAKI
    Crap... We were almost there.
[20:41] DRAGON
    It's still not over, yet.
    We've still got more tricks!
[20:46] YAMAZAKI
    That's a really cool thing to say,
    but this is all to much...
[20:50] KATSURA
    Here's a question.
[20:52] DRAGON
    Your comrades can't help you and
    you're surrounded by bad guys.
[20:56] KATSURA
    Choose the correct course of action
    in this hopeless situation.
[21:01] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I don't know... What should
    I do in this situation?
[21:06] DRAGON
    The correct answer is...
[21:07] KATSURA
    To not give up!
[21:09] YAMAZAKI
    But...
[21:10] DRAGON
    Take the secret document and run away.
[21:12] YAMAZAKI
    Huh? But what about you two?
[21:15] KATSURA
    We'll...
[21:16] DRAGON
    Protect...
[21:17] DRAGON
    Our new comrade!!
[21:19] YAMAZAKI
    Katsura-san!
[21:20] ---
    Captain Dragon!
[21:22] KATSURA
    Go! Get outta here!!
[21:26] DRAGON
    Don't let our efforts go to waste!
[21:28] KATSURA
    Go!
[21:32] ENEMY C
    I won't let you!
[21:36] YAMAZAKI
    Katsura-san, Captain Dragon, I'll
    come back with reinforcements!
[21:42] ENEMY A
    Don't let him get away!
[21:44] DRAGON
    I won't let you!
[21:49] YAMAZAKI
    I need to get help! I need
    to find help right away!
[21:52] KAMAZAKI
    Katsura-san and Captain Dragon are...
[22:01] YAMAZAKI
    Huh? Huh?
[22:05] KATSURA
    You did well. You passed magnificently.
[22:12] DRAGON
    From today on, you're an Anti-Foreigner
    Faction member!
[22:15] YAMAZAKI
    Katsura-san, Captain Dragon...
[22:19] KATSURA
    You dropped something...
SIGN    [Shogunate Special Armed Police Shinsengumi Investigator Sagaru Yamazaki]
[22:24] YAMAZAKI
    Huh?
[22:25] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What?!
SIGN    Deadline...
[23:58] ---
    Hey, gorilla.
[23:59] ---
    Can you start working on the draft?
[24:02] ---
    I'll give you some bananas.
SIGN    Deadline...
[24:09] ---