E303 - Shogun Assassination Arc Part Four: And Then There Were Five

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:32] Sac
    Don't lay a finger on him.
[00:37] Sac
    Don't you dare lay a finger on our boss!
[00:43] Z
    Sa—
[00:45] Z
    Sarutobi!
[00:48] Ma
    I-It's a smokescreen!
[00:57] Ma
    Th-That's the Oniwaban!
[01:01] Kao
    Let's go!
[01:03] Kao
    Protect our boss, Zenzo!
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Four
SIGN    And Then There Were Five
SIGN    Watch the Shogun Assassination Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!
[02:50] Sho
    Zenzo...
[02:51] Gin
    Keep your eyes forward and run!
[02:53] Gin
    If you wanna survive,
    keep your eyes forward and run!
[02:57] Sho
    Are you telling me that's
    my battle as shogun?
[03:02] Sho
    That even if I must use countless corpses
    of my friends as stepping stones,
[03:05] Sho
    I have to live on for the sake
    of our society and its people?
[03:10] Sho
    Why did I ever become shogun, then?
[03:15] Sho
    In my eyes, Zenzo
[03:18] Sho
    and you all are also precious
    subjects I'm meant to protect!
[03:24] Kag
    Sho-chan...
[03:26] Gin
    Shogun, that guy...
[03:30] Gin
    Your buddy ain't gonna die.
[03:35] Gin
    Because he's got my buddy with him.
[03:41] Gin
    And Shogun, you ain't gonna die here.
[03:46] Gin
    Because...
[03:56] Gin
    Because you've got us buddies with you.
[04:05] Z
    Looks like I...
[04:07] Z
    We failed to fulfill our duty.
[04:12] Z
    The enemy was larger than we thought.
[04:16] Sa
    You idiot!
[04:17] Sa
    Who was it that told me not
    to act out of character?
[04:21] Z
    Yeah, this is definitely out of character.
[04:24] Z
    How did I end up with you taking
    care of me at the very end?
[04:32] Z
    I can't walk anymore.
[04:36] Z
    Go, Sarutobi.
[04:39] Z
    A cat doesn't let others see its last breath.
[04:45] Sa
    What are you talking about?
[04:47] Sa
    Get up and run.
[04:52] Sa
    Run, damn it!
[04:54] Sa
    You've still got a duty to fulfill!
[04:57] Sa
    Where do you think you're
    going, leaving us behind,
[05:01] Sa
    Boss?
[05:03] Sa
    You... You all kept the shogun alive
    by putting your lives on the line.
[05:10] Sa
    You defended our village.
[05:12] Sa
    But you still haven't fulfilled
    the one duty you must fulfill.
[05:20] Sa
    You have to go back alive...
[05:22] Sa
    With the shogun,
[05:24] Sa
    and with us...
[05:27] Sa
    We're all going back to Edo together!
[05:31] Sa
    Forget being Oniwaban.
[05:34] Sa
    Forget being the shogun.
[05:37] Sa
    That is the duty we all have as friends.
[05:59] Gin
    Shinpa—
[06:05] Gin
    Yeah, these guys aren't gonna go down easily!
[06:11] Shin
    Sh-Shogun-sama!
[06:17] Hij
    Hey, you'd better be careful.
[06:21] Hij
    Apparently this village has some...
[06:24] Kon
    ...scary traps to keep intruders at bay.
[06:27] Shin
    Kondo-san! Hijikata-san!
[06:30] Hij
    They're still alive?!
[06:39] Shin
    Gin-san! Kagura-chan!
[06:41] Gin
    Sheesh.
[06:42] Gin
    The loyal retainers join the fray at last, eh?
[06:44] Gin
    What a grand entrance you made,
    jumping out of a pitfall.
[06:47] Kon
    I wouldn't say that.
[06:49] Kon
    We thought we saw light through the cracks,
[06:53] Kon
    but it looks like it's still far away.
[06:55] Gin
    Now, what do we do about this?
[06:59] Kon
    There's only one thing we can do.
[07:01] Kon
    No matter who we're facing,
    it's kill or be killed.
[07:03] Kon
    That's all.
[07:05] Shin
    It does seem like we're the last
    retainers who can protect the shogun.
[07:11] Hij
    If this is a joke, it ain't funny.
[07:13] Hij
    Of all people, these are the last men standing?
[07:17] Hij
    I'd like a do-over, starting from the interview.
[07:20] Kag
    Right back at you.
[07:22] Kag
    Dying to protect the shogun
    would be one thing, but...
[07:25] All
    Dying with you guys is the last thing I want!
[07:32] Gin
    We're up against Yato.
[07:34] Gin
    If we put up an honest fight
    against a force like that,
[07:36] Gin
    we won't stand a chance.
[07:38] Hij
    How unusual of you to whine
    before the battle even begins.
[07:41] Gin
    Did you not hear me?
[07:42] Gin
    I said if it were an honest fight.
[07:45] Gin
    As if any one of us is that honest.
[07:58] Hij
    True that.
[08:00] Hij
    Fighting Yato with these numbers shows that
[08:06] Hij
    we're out of our minds.
[08:08] Gin
    Run for it!
[08:17] Shin
    Shogun-sama, hurry!
[08:30] Kon
    Get back up!
[08:38] Kon
    Hurry up and run!
[08:47] Kag
    Gori!
[08:49] Kon
    Toughness isn't exclusive
    to you guys, you know!
[09:10] Kag
    Get back up and run.
[09:22] Shin
    Hijikata-san!
[09:39] Shin
    Gin-san!
[10:05] Kao
    That's enough! Disperse!
[10:07] Mat
    Get back here, damn you!
[10:08] Mat
    After them!
[10:09] Mat
    Don't let any of them escape!
[10:12] Hen
    You mustn't chase them too far, Matako-san.
[10:15] Hen
    The Oniwaban's objective
    is to split our forces up.
SIGN    Oniwaban
SIGN    Iga
SIGN    Seventh Division
SIGN    Kiheitai
[10:20] Hen
    The Seventh Division is fighting
    the enemy's main force.
[10:23] Hen
    We should regroup with them
    and set up a pincer attack.
[10:26] Tak
    I had Bansai head over there already.
[10:32] Tak
    Let them do as they please.
[10:34] Tak
    Either way, Iga and the current
    government are done for.
[10:37] Hen
    T-Takasugi-san...
[10:39] Tak
    Let them at least go out in a blaze of glory.
[10:43] Hen
    Where are you going?
[10:45] Tak
    There's a guy I must end before
    putting an end to everything.
[10:51] Tak
    Even if we take the shogun's head
    and topple the government,
[10:54] Tak
    we won't be able to behead this world.
[10:58] Tak
    Unless we break that sword,
[11:02] Tak
    the world won't end.
[11:43] Kon
    Jeez.
[11:44] Gin
    What's the point of guarding the
    shogun if he has to guard us instead?
[11:49] Gin
    It should be clear to you now.
[11:51] Gin
    We won't survive unless we give it all we
    have, including what's in our underwear.
[11:57] Sho
    Fret not.
[11:58] Sho
    We shall protect one another's backs.
[12:02] Sho
    Is that not what "buddies" are?
[12:06] Hij
    Who the hell taught the
    shogun such crude slang?
[12:11] Kag
    Should we have taught him
    "friendicks" instead?
[12:13] Sho
    Oh, so you can say it like that, too?
[12:16] Hij
    Don't teach him any more nonsense!
[12:18] Gin
    Hey, now.
[12:19] Gin
    If he's acting like that,
    he might be another double.
[12:22] Kon
    Nah, it's the shogun.
[12:25] Kon
    There's no mistaking it.
[12:27] Kon
    He's our shogun.
[12:31] Abu
    Good grief.
[12:34] Abu
    This is the first planet that's ever given
    us such trouble in hand-to-hand combat.
[12:41] Abu
    Believe it or not,
[12:42] Abu
    we're a rare species that's
    in danger of extinction.
[12:45] Abu
    I wish you'd be gentler with us.
[12:49] Kag
    You're...
[12:50] Abu
    Long time no see, miss.
[12:52] Abu
    I had a lot of trouble after our little skirmish.
[12:55] Abu
    The commander raked me over the coals,
[12:58] Abu
    and told me not to hold back
    the next time I ran into you.
[13:02] Abu
    But now, just look how many of
    my brethren you've taken out.
[13:07] Abu
    Be it the commander's little sister,
[13:09] Abu
    be it the commander's prey,
[13:11] Abu
    I don't intend to let you
    guys leave here alive.
[13:14] Shin
    Screw you!
[13:15] Shin
    You're the ones trampling
    all over our country!
[13:19] Abu
    Really?
[13:20] Abu
    I thought it looked like it was rotting
    even before we set foot here.
[13:24] Abu
    Even if we didn't do anything,
    it would've crumbled all on its own.
[13:29] Abu
    And anyway, you samurai are
    the ones about to finish it off.
[13:34] Abu
    We're only here to repay that guy.
[13:38] Gin
    Where is he?
[13:39] Gin
    Where is that bastard, Takasugi?
[13:44] Abu
    Well, I can tell you he's not
    where you're about to go.
[13:48] Abu
    I've sent some along already to lead you there.
[13:51] Abu
    Ninjas and samurai...
[13:53] Abu
    Fall to ruin, along with this country.
[14:00] Gin
    She's not much of a guide, I'm afraid.
[14:03] Gin
    All she's capable of is...
[14:06] Rap
    Will you have some cocoa?
[14:08] Rap
    Or do you want some pitch-black tea?
[14:13] Y
    Vice Commander!
[14:21] Rap
    Stand up, samurai.
[14:24] Rap
    Neither the ninjas nor
    this country are dead yet.
[14:30] Shin
    Momochi-san!
[14:30] Gin
    Run for it!
[14:34] Shin
    You're alive?
[14:35] Shin
    And that thing can be a shuriken, too?
[14:36] Rap
    I told you, the ninjas aren't dead yet.
[14:39] Y
    After them!
[14:40] Y
    Don't let them get away!
[14:41] Rap
    The ninjas they wiped out
[14:44] Rap
    were merely my puppets.
[14:47] Rap
    The vassals of Fujibayashi
    who died back then.
[14:52] Rap
    We have barely begun to
    unleash true ninja warfare.
[14:57] Abu
    I see.
[14:59] Abu
    So these are real ninja arts.
[15:02] Abu
    If you'd also blown away the bill for
    this brand new prosthetic arm,
[15:05] Abu
    I would've given you a round of applause.
[15:08] Abu
    But I'm back to being unable to clap.
[15:11] Abu
    What do all of you have against my left arm?!
[15:18] Rap
    Listen well.
[15:20] Rap
    Near the Marici statue on the cliff to the west
[15:23] Rap
    is a secret path only ninja villagers know.
[15:29] Rap
    You guys take the shogun and get out of Iga.
[15:44] Shin
    Momochi-san!
[15:46] Rap
    We'll hold them at bay here.
[15:50] Rap
    We must prevent them from sinking the
    country, even if Iga has to fall to do it.
[15:56] Rap
    Shogun-sama...
[15:57] Rap
    Please forgive my inability
    to serve you to the very end.
[16:02] Sho
    Momochi!
[16:03] Kon
    It'd be dicey with just the ninjas.
[16:07] Kon
    I thought this was supposed to be a joint
    operation between ninjas and samurai.
[16:11] Hij
    Then we'll be taking our share of the glory.
[16:15] Shin
    Kondo-san! Hijikata-san!
[16:17] Hij
    There you have it. Get going already.
[16:19] Kon
    You can handle the rest even
    without police security, right?
[16:23] Kag
    Wait up, you guys—
[16:24] Kon
    Odd Jobs!
[16:25] Kon
    Through one thing or another, we've
    known you guys for a long time now.
[16:31] Kon
    But we've never once gone
    to you with a job request.
[16:36] Kon
    I never thought this day would come.
[16:42] Kon
    But you're the only guys left to ask...
[16:46] Kon
    You're the only ones we can trust to do this.
[16:50] Kon
    You're the only ones who can.
[16:57] Kon
    This is the Shinsengumi's...
[16:59] Kon
    Our first and last request.
[17:03] Kon
    Odd Jobs,
[17:05] Kon
    take care of the shogun.
[17:16] Gin
    We accept.
[17:22] Shin
    Gin-san...
[17:23] Gin
    Don't look back.
[17:25] Kon
    Toshi...
[17:27] Hij
    Don't worry, I won't look back.
[17:30] Hij
    If I do...
[17:32] Bo
    They'll ask about payment!
[17:36] Gin
    Don't worry, we'll get paid no matter what.
[17:40] Gin
    Both by them and the shogun.
[17:43] Gin
    Once we all get back alive.
[17:46] Gin
    So for now,
[17:48] Gin
    don't look back.
[17:50] Gin
    Keep your eyes forward.
[17:53] Gin
    We may be looking in different directions,
[17:56] Gin
    but we all have the same home.
[18:02] Sac
    I see it!
[18:05] Sac
    Zenzo, it should be possible to
    escape the village from there.
[18:09] Sac
    You go ahead.
[18:11] Sac
    I promise I'll bring the shogun along.
[18:17] Sac
    Zenzo?
[18:22] Sac
    Hang in there, Zenzo!
[18:24] Sac
    Just a bit longer...
[18:25] Sac
    We're almost there!
[18:33] Sac
    I won't let anyone die anymore!
[18:47] Sac
    We're all going back alive.
[18:52] Sac
    We're almost there.
[18:54] Sac
    If we make it past here,
[18:55] Sac
    we can go back to those days
[18:57] Sac
    where all of us spent our time
    doing the stupidest things.
[19:02] Sac
    We can go back to those
    times, right, Gin-san?
[19:14] Tak
    No, you can't.
[19:17] Tak
    You're not going anywhere.
[19:24] Tak
    You no longer have a home
[19:27] Tak
    or a place to run to in this country.
[19:38] Hen
    So they really did have a secret path.
[19:42] Hen
    Good thing you made it in time, Kamui-dono.
[19:45] Kam
    I left pretty late because of Abuto.
[19:49] Kam
    But I got to see something
    amusing thanks to that.
[19:54] Kam
    On your planet, wouldn't you call this
[19:55] Kam
    "nothing's more dangerous
    than a cornered animal"?
[19:58] Tak
    Nah.
[19:59] Tak
    It's what we call "resistance is futile."
[20:03] Hen
    The trajectory was altered
    to miss her vitals.
[20:05] Hen
    Who was it?
[20:07] Z
    Don't move!
[20:08] Z
    If anyone moves a finger,
    I'll stick these in all of your butts.
[20:12] Z
    Hemorrhoids are lifelong, you know.
[20:14] Z
    You ought to take care of your ass.
[20:17] Sa
    Zenzo...
[20:19] Z
    Stand up, Sarutobi!
[20:21] Z
    We're going back alive.
[20:23] Z
    You're the one who said that,
[20:25] Z
    and yet you're trying to die before me?
[20:28] Sa
    Sorry... I...
[20:31] Z
    Don't apologize.
[20:34] Z
    I was the one who always ran off on my own,
[20:36] Z
    and you scolded me each time.
[20:39] Z
    So don't you dare go off before me.
[20:43] Z
    I love my fuglies, Sarutobi,
[20:47] Z
    but I've had enough of your fugly crying face.
[20:52] Z
    I won't let you cry in front of me ever again!
[20:56] Z
    Rather than a half-dead
    man skewering all of us,
[21:01] Z
    it'd be much quicker for us
    to cut up two worn-out rags.
[21:06] Z
    Didn't you hear me tell you not to move?!
[21:12] Kam
    I see, Shinsuke.
[21:14] Kam
    This certainly is futile resistance.
[21:16] Kam
    All that talk about sticking
    knives in our asses
[21:18] Kam
    was to prevent us from looking upwards.
[21:21] Kam
    And this rain of knives...
[21:25] Tak
    It's just a fake-out, too.
[21:28] Tak
    I'm sick of your petty tricks.
[21:32] Z
    Oh, it's no fake-out.
[21:35] Z
    I have the perfect ninja technique
    for your massive asses.
[21:38] Z
    It's my trump card,
[21:41] Z
    and I've already used it!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:24] Kam
    You make your brother very happy.
[23:28] Syo
    In a fight, both parties are to blame,
[23:30] Syo
    my little samurai.
[23:33] Tak
    Gintoki, if I die...
[23:37] Gin
    Kagura!
[23:38] Gin
    Shinpachi!
[23:41] Gin
    Let's do this!
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Five
[23:46] Gin
    We are Odd Jobs!
SIGN    Those Who Protect Against All Odds
SIGN    It'll blow by. Just enjoy your merry Xmas, happy New Year and its food,
SIGN    reading New Year's cards, getting one from someone you didn't send one to,
SIGN    hurriedly writing one back, and all that, and we'll be back before you know it.
SIGN    Well, then, we wish you a happy New Year!