E321 - The Two Fools

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] ---
    What's goin' on aboard their ships?
[00:06] ---
    The enemy's got some kind of monster-level
    hacker, if they can do this.
[00:12] ---
    Your fleet is in my hands.
[00:16] ---
    You don't have long before
    you must make your decision.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo
SIGN    Please watch this program in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!!!!!
[01:52] (Flashback) Gu
    The one best suited to sit on
    that throne is not Shigeshige.
[01:55] (Flashback) Gu
    It is you.
[01:58] (Flashback) Gu
    You are the only one who
    can save this country.
[02:13] S
    Nobunobu-sama...
[02:17] S
    Young Master...
[02:17] S
    Nobunobu-sama...
[02:25] S
    Sheesh, what a bunch of jerks.
[02:28] S
    They're even attackin' our guest?
[02:30] S
    I'm sorry my crew was so
    rude, Shogun-sama.
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo
    Part Five
SIGN    The Two Fools
SIGN    Harusame Forces
SIGN    Takasugi and Umibozu
SIGN    Gintoki vs. Bato
SIGN    Katsura vs. Shokaku
SIGN    Sakamoto vs. Hankai
[02:44] ---
    Just like I thought.
[02:46] ---
    Everyone who wasn't on the bridge is
    bein' controlled by the enemy virus.
[02:50] M
    I can see bite marks.
[02:52] M
    Looks like it's spread via direct infection.
[02:56] M
    It's just like Resident Evil.
[02:58] S
    In the game, we'd just blow
    their heads off with a Magnum,
[03:01] S
    but since they're our allies,
    all we can do is run.
[03:03] M
    We've also got a Spelunker-level
    weak-ass to take care of.
[03:07] S
    Reality is such a bullshit game.
[03:10] Gu
    I don't recall asking for help.
[03:12] M
    I'm sure. And I don't recall helping you.
[03:15] M
    I only followed the captain's orders.
[03:18] Gu
    What are you planning?
[03:20] Gu
    I'm the one who killed Shogun Shigeshige
[03:23] Gu
    and put your comrades in such dire straits.
[03:26] S
    If I intended to kill you, I wouldn't
    have brought you on this ship.
[03:30] Gu
    You're the one who said
    I was no longer worth using.
[03:33] Gu
    Even if you don't have a single
    soldier to protect you,
[03:36] Gu
    and you're forced to let the
    enemy spare your pathetic life,
[03:39] Gu
    you don't have the right to die.
[03:41] Gu
    You have a duty to witness
    the fate of the country,
[03:44] Gu
    along with the effects your deeds had on it.
[03:48] Gu
    No matter how much you
    have to disgrace yourself.
[03:51] Gu
    It doesn't matter if you're a
    wise ruler or a foolish one.
[03:54] Gu
    Once a man bears the
    burden of leadin' a country,
[03:56] Gu
    he can't expect dying to be that simple.
[04:00] M
    Hey. We've got a call from the bridge.
[04:02] M
    I tried to track the enemy's location
    through their communications,
[04:05] M
    but as I thought, they're carefully hidden.
[04:07] S
    So we have to track down the Zaku
    by fumblin' in the dark, huh?
[04:11] S
    Who knows how long that'll take?
[04:14] Gu
    Do you mean the mechanical man?
[04:17] S
    D-Don't tell me...
[04:23] S
    I guess the hardest thing to see
    is what's right under your nose.
[04:27] S
    The enemy's been aboard
    this ship from the start,
[04:29] S
    releasing the nanomachine
    virus and watching us panic?
[04:34] M
    So why hack the other ships
    and have them attack us?
[04:39] M
    You're absolutely sure you
    saw him head this way, right?
[04:43] Gu
    It's up to you whether or not you believe me.
[04:46] Gu
    That won't change the truth in what I saw.
[04:50] S
    Most likely, the attack and the virus
    were both just smokescreens.
[04:54] S
    His real goal is the Kairinmaru.
[04:57] S
    The central system on the Kairinmaru is
    equipped with the latest in firewalls.
[05:02] S
    It ain't gonna be easy to infiltrate.
[05:05] S
    In other words, what's goin' on right now
[05:08] S
    is an attempt to buy time until the
    enemy can take over the Kairinmaru.
[05:12] S
    Mutsu, the enemy's in the control room.
[05:15] S
    Let's hurry.
[05:17] S
    Not only did he save me, his enemy,
[05:19] S
    but he believed me.
[05:20] S
    Is he a big man, or just a big fool?
[05:23] S
    Sakamoto Tatsuma...
[05:25] S
    He's a strange man.
[05:28] S
    What's wrong, Shogun-sama?
[05:30] S
    You're starin' at Mutsu's
    ass and not sayin' a thing.
[05:33] Gu
    What are you—
[05:36] M
    Oh, no. It looks like the
    Kairinmaru is rusting in places.
[05:39] M
    It needs maintenance.
[05:41] Background
    You little...
[05:41] M
    Hey, captain. Switch places.
[05:42] Background
    I would never be interested in
    the ass of a low-born girl!
[05:43] S
    Wait, that's dangerous!
[05:45] S
    Okay then, Shogun-sama,
    you can stare at my ass.
[05:48] S
    And I can stare at Mutsu's ass...
[05:53] M
    You can go get your ass
    chewed on by the infected.
[05:56] M
    I'll hurry on to the control
    room in the meantime.
[05:58] S
    W-Wait!
[06:04] Gu
    You bastard!
[06:06] Gu
    You let your crew treat you that way,
    and you call yourself a captain?
[06:09] S
    I don't wanna hear it from a shogun
    who was abandoned by his retainers!
[06:12] Gu
    I wasn't abandoned.
[06:13] Gu
    I abandoned them!
[06:14] Gu
    Just draw your gun!
[06:15] S
    Hell no!
[06:16] S
    Even if my men abandon me,
    I won't abandon them!
[06:19] S
    I'm a space trader!
[06:21] S
    I have all kinds of space-stuff to
    deal with a situation like this!
[06:26] S
    The HikikomoRevolver!
[06:28] S
    A gun that fires a net
    that entangles the enemy,
[06:30] S
    symbolizing the way that the net traps
    modern kids and turns them into hikikomori.
[06:36] K
    So he's trying to immobilize the enemy?
[06:38] S
    Here goes.
[06:43] S
    Okay, now they can't touch us.
[06:46] S
    And we can't touch them, either.
[06:47] K
    I didn't expect him to use it like that.
[06:50] K
    Sakamoto Tatsuma...
[06:52] K
    Is he a big man, or just a big fool?
[06:54] K
    I just don't understand him!
[06:56] K
    But we're stuck now, too!
[06:59] S
    No need to worry.
[07:01] S
    I thought this might happen, so...
[07:04] S
    NEETly Rice Cakes!
[07:05] S
    Scattering these and getting
    your enemy to eat them
[07:07] S
    symbolizes the way NEET society causes
    a NEET to waste their potential by
[07:11] S
    devouring their parents' income.
[07:13] K
    Is he trying to delay the enemy?
[07:15] S
    We can hang out here for a while now.
[07:18] K
    I didn't expect him to use it like that.
[07:20] K
    Sakamoto Tatsuma...
[07:22] K
    Is he a big man, or just a big fool?
[07:24] K
    I don't understand him at all!
[07:26] M
    He's just a big fool, obviously!
[07:28] M
    Are you so useless, you make your
    retainers play the straight man?!
[07:32] M
    You fools!
[07:34] S
    My steamed buns!
[07:36] S
    Hey, I didn't say you could have those!
[07:38] S
    When you get back to normal,
    you'll pay for this.
[07:39] K
    He's definitely just a fool.
[07:42] K
    Both he and I are fools who can't
    even get a single one of our men
[07:45] K
    to do what we want.
[07:46] K
    So why doesn't he give up?
[07:49] K
    Why does he look as if
    he knows he's not alone?
[07:53] K
    What's the difference between him and me?
[07:55] K
    I don't like it!
[07:57] K
    I don't—
[07:59] S
    Close the door!
[08:03] S
    Where's the enemy?
[08:06] M
    Were we wrong?
[08:08] H
    No, I'm here.
[08:15] S
    Mutsu!
[08:17] H
    The enemy's here.
[08:19] H
    Right inside this man.
[08:22] S
    Nobunobu, you...
[08:24] K
    M-My body isn't doing what I want it to!
[08:30] K
    I see!
[08:31] K
    By that time, my body was already...
[08:34] H
    Yes.
[08:35] H
    It's not yours anymore.
[08:38] H
    The 3rd Division Commander, Hankai,
[08:40] H
    has no body of his own.
[08:42] H
    If he did have a body,
    it would only be a container.
[08:46] H
    What's inside you now is me.
[08:50] S
    So you invaded Nobunobu's body to get at me?
[08:54] H
    Your guess was wrong.
[08:56] H
    I can take over the systems
    on this ship with my virus.
[09:00] H
    As you saw, I took over your crew.
[09:02] H
    And...
[09:08] H
    Your last remaining companion, too.
[09:10] H
    You're all that's left, Sakamoto Tatsuma.
[09:15] H
    An army without soldiers.
[09:17] H
    That's what they call the 3rd Division.
[09:19] H
    But it appears that name
    is better suited to you.
[09:25] H
    The Kaientai you once commanded
    will become my 3rd Division.
[09:31] H
    Don't worry as you die.
[09:33] H
    Nobody will cry over your death.
[09:41] S
    Even if my men abandon me,
    I won't abandon them!
[09:48] S
    You want my crew and my ship?
[09:51] S
    Then let me give you a warning as a merchant.
[09:54] S
    If you want to buy a company,
[09:56] S
    you should investigate it thoroughly first.
[10:01] S
    Unfortunately, my company's
    been responsible for a death,
[10:04] S
    so we're hellbound anyway.
[10:06] Gu
    A serious problem has occurred
    with the control system.
[10:09] Gu
    The system will now move to emergency mode.
[10:12] Gu
    All crew, please evacuate immediately.
[10:13] H
    Have you gone mad?
[10:14] H
    Did you decide to destroy the Kaientai and
    this ship rather than lose everything?
[10:19] S
    A man who's not willing
    to go down with his ship
[10:22] S
    doesn't have the right to fly with it.
[10:25] S
    Are you willing to do that?
[10:27] K
    Don't tell me he...
[10:36] H
    The damage to the system is minimal.
[10:39] H
    If I compensate for the
    lost functionality myself,
[10:41] H
    it can be restored easily.
[10:42] H
    You will be the only one to sink,
[10:45] H
    Sakamoto Tatsuma!
[10:47] N
    That's what Sakamoto Tatsuma wanted!
[10:50] N
    He shot the control device to try to
[10:52] N
    rip out the enemy that's inside me...
[10:56] N
    He still won't abandon me, after all this?
[10:59] N
    Even when I...
[11:05] H
    Sorry, Shogun,
[11:07] H
    but you should save your thinking
    for when you're alone.
[11:10] H
    I can hear every detail of your plan.
[11:18] H
    Shogun, I can tell exactly
    what you're thinking.
[11:24] H
    Is this feeling anger, or sadness?
[11:28] H
    The only person who tried to
    protect you died for your sake.
[11:32] H
    Now nobody's left, huh?
[11:35] H
    You were used by everyone,
[11:38] H
    lifted up, and placed at the
    top just like they wanted.
[11:41] H
    And that's why you...
[11:43] K
    Yes.
[11:44] K
    I used everyone, too.
[11:48] K
    But when I sat at the top, I realized...
[11:51] K
    I thought this was what people wanted,
[11:54] K
    but nobody was there.
[11:57] K
    Why did I come all this way?
[12:02] K
    There was no reason.
[12:05] K
    You were empty from the start.
[12:07] K
    You could only find your own
    goals by being used by others.
[12:12] K
    This isn't the top.
[12:14] K
    It's just a place for you playthings
    that have been thrown away...
[12:18] H
    Just a graveyard for junk.
[12:21] H
    Useless junk like you can just
    lie on the ground and rot.
[12:24] H
    For eternity.
[12:31] (Flashback) S
    It doesn't matter if you're a
    wise ruler or a foolish one.
[12:33] (Flashback) S
    Once a man bears the
    burden of leadin' a country,
[12:35] (Flashback) S
    he can't expect dying to be that simple.
[12:37] K
    Sakamoto Tatsuma, why did you let me live?
[12:42] K
    Now that I'm the last one left,
    what is it you want me to do?
[12:47] H
    You...
[12:51] K
    No, I won't ask any more questions.
[12:59] K
    I have to find the answers myself.
[13:03] K
    I have to make it to the
    top on my own two legs!
[13:08] (Flashback) S
    For us as well as you,
    the real battle is comin' up.
[13:12] K
    Now!
[13:18] H
    Don't tell me...
[13:21] H
    Even when infected, you're
    still in control of yourself?
[13:25] K
    That is my fight, Sakamoto Tatsuma!
[13:37] Gu
    Climb!
[13:38] Gu
    We can't!
[13:39] Gu
    The damage to the control system is bad!
[13:41] Gu
    At this rate, we're going to crash!
[13:43] Gu
    No! They've caught up to us!
[13:45] Gu
    We're doomed!
[13:51] Gu
    Come in, Kairinmaru!
[13:53] Gu
    We will support your ship.
[13:55] Gu
    While we do, put all your energies
    into restoring the system!
[13:58] Gu
    Y-You guys...
[13:59] Gu
    You took back your ship?
[14:00] Gu
    Hey, look!
[14:02] Gu
    Our crewmates who were controlled by
    the virus have returned to their senses?
[14:05] Gu
    Get moving!
[14:06] Gu
    Now it's our turn to save the captain!
[14:10] K
    So a battle between two
    leaders with no soldiers
[14:13] K
    was decided by their soldiers?
[14:17] K
    He never abandoned his soldiers.
[14:20] K
    And you never abandoned him.
[14:23] K
    That's something rarer and
    more valuable than the
[14:27] K
    greatest ruler or the most loyal retainer.
[14:31] K
    You know it's true because I'm saying it.
[14:34] M
    A ruler is like an empty ship.
[14:37] M
    Only after it has a crew can it sail
[14:40] M
    toward where everyone wants to go.
[14:43] M
    That's why the crew never
    abandons their ship.
[14:46] M
    And the ship tries its best to
    protect the crew from the waves.
[14:50] M
    Your ship couldn't stand
    under the weight of its task.
[14:54] M
    No matter how great the ship,
[14:56] M
    an empty ship with only one
    person on board can't go anywhere.
[15:00] K
    If that's the case, where is this
    rickety ship of yours heading?
[15:06] M
    If I knew the answer to that,
    this would all be far easier.
[15:09] M
    Maybe you, even as you
    stand on board, are its goal.
[15:13] M
    In the wide, open sea, where
    there are no landmarks,
[15:16] M
    even the waves a ship leaves
    in its wake can become a guide.
[15:19] M
    That's why this rickety
    ship will take even you in.
[15:22] M
    Mistakes, glory, good, evil, dreams, karma...
[15:26] M
    It's carrying all that.
[15:28] M
    Even so, the rickety ship keeps
    going, searching for a tomorrow
[15:31] M
    where everyone can smile.
[15:33] K
    That explains why it doesn't sink.
[15:35] K
    To you, even I'm not deadweight, but a sail.
[15:42] S
    This is the only way I can fight, you know.
[15:48] (Flashback) Gu
    Sakamoto-san, hang in there!
[15:50] (Flashback) Gu
    Sakamoto-san!
[15:51] (Flashback) S
    Don't make such a fuss.
[15:53] (Flashback) S
    Our leader will scold you.
[15:56] (Flashback) T
    You're the one who's getting a scolding.
[15:58] (Flashback) T
    You're supposed to be the
    dragon of Katsurahama,
[16:00] (Flashback) T
    and you got your butt kicked.
[16:02] (Flashback) T
    What happened?
[16:03] (Flashback) Gu
    He was immobilized on the battlefield.
[16:05] (Flashback) Gu
    He was trying to carry a wounded enemy,
[16:13] (Flashback) Gu
    and both he and the enemy were...
[16:15] (Flashback) T
    Looks like you really do need a lecture.
[16:18] (Flashback) S
    Give me a break.
[16:20] (Flashback) S
    I was lucky to survive,
[16:22] (Flashback) S
    and now you're trying to finish me?
[16:24] (Flashback) T
    As a samurai,
[16:25] (Flashback) T
    you're already dead.
[16:27] (Flashback) S
    So I was right, huh?
[16:28] (Flashback) S
    It's going to suck not being able
    to peel an apple with a sword.
[16:32] (Flashback) T
    You were a terrible samurai to begin with.
[16:36] (Flashback) T
    It's an idiotic ending, so it suits you.
[16:38] (Flashback) G
    He ain't dead.
[16:41] (Flashback) G
    There's more to being a samurai
    than swinging a sword.
[16:44] (Flashback) G
    There's more to war than killing the enemy.
[16:46] (Flashback) G
    Sakamoto Tatsuma's wars
[16:48] (Flashback) G
    aren't the kind of petty things
    that can be ended with a stick.
[16:52] (Flashback) T
    You remember the enemy's face?
[16:54] (Flashback) S
    You guys...
[16:55] (Flashback) T
    Unfortunately, I like those petty wars.
[16:58] (Flashback) G
    You fight your war.
[17:01] (Flashback) G
    We'll fight ours.
[17:19] (Flashback) G
    Looks like I drew the winning card.
[17:22] (Flashback) G
    We finally meet.
[17:27] B
    Yes, that's what you said.
[17:30] B
    Now it's my turn to say it.
[17:34] B
    We finally meet,
[17:36] B
    samurai.
[17:39] Gu
    Gin-san!
[17:40] G
    Hey.
[17:42] G
    Somebody drew on your face.
[17:45] G
    Your forehead!
[17:46] G
    You should go look at a mirror!
[17:48] G
    No, not with the evil eye.
    The ones below it.
[17:50] G
    Oh, damn, I just realized
    your eyes are sewn shut.
[17:53] G
    Pirates play the craziest
    pranks when you're asleep!
[17:55] G
    Hey, you guys watching from the shadows!
[17:57] G
    I can tell you're laughing!
[18:00] G
    Even if you're pirates, that's going too far.
[18:02] G
    You can't just sew his eyelids shut!
[18:03] G
    He can't even see the drawing
    you made on his forehead now!
[18:06] G
    You don't get to see his reaction!
[18:08] G
    And listen, you need to tell
    them when they're going too far.
[18:12] G
    Here, use this to wipe it off.
[18:13] G
    Oh, you can't see it?
[18:15] G
    You may be the type that's
    easily picked on, but still...
[18:18] G
    There's a fine line between
    picking on and bullying.
[18:20] G
    Huh?
[18:21] G
    Man, I can't get this to come off.
[18:28] B
    I thought my face was easier
    to remember than most.
[18:31] B
    But if you're a swordsman,
[18:33] B
    there's no way you could
    have forgotten this sword.
[18:35] B
    The sword of the Star Sword King, the
    greatest of all swordsman in the universe!
[18:43] Gu
    Wh-What's going on?
[18:45] Gu
    Who is that monster?
[18:49] Gu
    He's Bato, one of the Three Mad Stars
[18:50] Gu
    and commander of the Harusame's 2nd Division!
[18:53] Gu
    He's the strongest individual
    fighter the Harusame has.
[18:56] Gu
    He's hunted and slain all the
    swordsmen of other worlds,
[18:59] Gu
    and now he's coming to hunt
    the swordsmen of Earth.
[19:01] Gu
    No, maybe he's here to hunt the
    prey that escaped him before!
[19:06] Gu
    Gin-san!
[19:07] G
    Go.
[19:08] G
    Looks like he's my guest.
[19:10] Gu
    A samurai's pride is on the line in this battle.
[19:13] Gu
    If he loses, he'll join the
    countless samurai he's defeated.
[19:17] Gu
    You would have us bet all the
    pride of every samurai on you?
[19:21] G
    I've got no intention
    of carrying that burden.
[19:24] G
    But no matter how many people
    he's beaten, or where,
[19:28] G
    I've beaten the guy you bet on many times.
[19:32] G
    And he's beaten me.
[19:34] G
    That pride, I will never abandon.
[19:44] Gu
    Let's go, kid.
[19:45] Gu
    If you're a samurai, fight a battle
    worthy of the man you bet on!
[19:49] Gu
    They will return. I know it.
[19:51] Gu
    Let's show them...
[19:53] Gu
    Let's show the universe what a samurai is!
[20:05] B
    Did you remember this moment, samurai?
[20:09] B
    The moment of joy that only we share,
[20:10] B
    as we entrust our lives to our blades?
[20:13] B
    I had given up on any blade
    ever threatening my life.
[20:17] B
    You were the only one who ever
    gave me a moment like this!
[20:21] B
    Samurai!
[20:23] B
    I've missed you!
[20:27] G
    It's like he can see where
    I'm going to strike next!
[20:32] B
    That's right.
[20:35] B
    I can see it.
[20:36] B
    My eye sees all.
[20:40] B
    My species once had no
    ears or mouths, I heard.
[20:45] B
    We did all our communication with this
    one eye that's called Enlightenment.
[20:51] B
    I closed my eyes and ears to
    awaken my "Enlightenment,"
[20:55] B
    which vanished from my
    species in the distant past.
[20:58] G
    That's right...
[20:59] G
    He's the one who...
[21:06] G
    I was the one who was looking for you.
[21:11] G
    Give back my 300 yen!
[21:14] B
    No, that's not right.
[21:15] G
    What? You're not the guy who
    swiped the 300 yen I found first?
[21:19] B
    No, that's not me.
[21:20] G
    Wait, maybe it was 400 yen...
[21:22] B
    It doesn't matter whether
    it was 400 yen or 300 yen.
[21:24] B
    I can read minds and I have a different
    looking face, and his was a mole.
[21:27] B
    Everything is different about us!
[21:28] G
    No, no, no. I didn't forget!
[21:30] G
    I remember!
[21:31] G
    I see.
[21:33] G
    He's the one who...
[21:37] G
    I've come to give back your 300 yen!
[21:40] B
    No, I wasn't the guy who lent you 300 yen.
[21:42] G
    Yeah, that's right.
[21:43] G
    It was actually more like
    600 yen, not 300 yen...
[21:46] B
    It doesn't matter whether
    it was 600 yen or 300 yen.
[21:49] B
    Seriously, it has nothing to do with 300 yen.
[21:51] B
    You're insulting me. I spent
    ten years looking for you.
[21:55] G
    I swear I remember!
[21:56] G
    I've been looking for you for ten years, too!
[21:58] B
    I remember that battle like it was yesterday.
[22:05] B
    Pakuyasa!
[22:06] G
    You've got the wrong guy, too!
SIGN    Preview
[23:39] G
    You get people's names wrong.
[23:41] G
    You get people's faces wrong.
[23:43] G
    You rely too much on
    that eye on your forehead.
[23:45] G
    I don't think that's a good thing.
[23:47] G
    When you receive a business card, you
    should write down something memorable
[23:49] G
    about them on the back.
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo
    Part 6
[23:51] ---
    Next time: Ten Years.
SIGN    Ten Years
SIGN    Next time, the unknown past of Pakuyasa...
SIGN    ...Forget that, who the hell is he, anyway?
SIGN    But more importantly,
SIGN    he is finally about to awaken...