E46 - Adults Only. We Wouldn’t Want Anyone Immature in Here

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Umibozu
    Dear Kagura-chan:
[00:03] ---
    How have you been?
[00:04] ---
    All my hair follicles have died, but otherwise, I'm okay.
[00:10] Umibozu
    As usual, I'm flying through the stars chasing Aliens.
[00:14] ---
    Lately, I've been mixed up in a battle
SIGN    [Note: Earth Federation is a GUNDAM parody]
[00:16] ---
    between the Earth Federation and The Principality on a planet somewhere.
[00:21] Red Person
    You're no ordinary guy, I take it. Are you a new type?
[00:25] Umibozu
    Until a while back, I was a haired-type, but now I'm a skin-type.
SIGN    [Note: A parody of GUNDAM's zuchou vs. zentou type]
[00:29] Red Person
    No, that's not what I meant...
[00:30] Umibozu
    Anyway, now that I'm here, The Principality will win.
[00:36] Umibozu
    Listen up! As of today, I will be in command of the Federated Army!
[00:39] Umibozu
    Everyone will shave their heads! Grow long hair and I will whack your ass!
[00:45] Umibozu
    More importantly, are you enjoying yourself, Kagura-chan?
[00:48] Umibozu
    Is that silver-haired guy bullying you,
[00:50] Umibozu
    or that four-eyed guy looking at you with those lecherous eyes you only see on adolescents?
[00:55] Umibozu
    My daughter is studying abroad on Earth.
[00:58] Red Person
    Seriously? You must be worried.
[01:01] Umibozu (N)
    If anything is wrong, just let me know. Daddy will come and kill them all.
[01:06] Umibozu (N)
    Good-bye. I'll write again.
[01:09] Umibozu (N)
    P.S.: I forget to say one thing.
[01:12] ---
    It's about that big dog you're keeping... You should really dump it before it turns into a monster.
[01:19] Kagura
    You're too late...baldy.
[01:22] Kagura
    And besides, no matter what anyone says, I'm never leaving you.
[01:25] Kagura
    Right, Sadaharu?
SIGN    [Thank you to Sasaki-kun, Sekiba-kun, Nakajima-kun and Arai-kun of Sendai for the photo. That's a near perfect ice rendition of the Neo-Armstrong cannon.]
SIGN    [But don't expect a gift; the world isn't that generous. You can have the gift of a "memory in your hearts" because we showed it on TV.]
[03:08] Ane
    So you see, the game scheduled for the dome was cancelled.
[03:13] Ane
    And to pay off all the damage we had to sell all our shrine property.
[03:18] Hostess A
    Oh my!
[03:19] Ane
    I can't believe we have to go through all this just because of a dog.
[03:23] Ane
    And now, my younger sister and I are back to living in an apartment.
[03:25] Hostess A
    That's why men are just like dogs.
[03:27] Hostess A
    You dump 'em without a second thought, but they eventually come back to bite you.
[03:30] Ane
    Yeah, but at least dogs are smarter.
[03:34] Black Suit
    Ane-san, you've been requested. Table 3.
[03:38] Ane
    Coming.
[03:39] Hostess A
    Is it Mr. Kikuya again? That lech really likes you.
[03:43] Ane
    Like I said, they always come back.
[03:46] Ane
    They're really stupid. They get so worked up just because I'm a miko.
[03:50] Ane
    Nurses, miko, and flight attendants... The insane fantasies they have about women.
[03:57] Ane
    If they only knew that being a woman meant spending you life battling through piles of crap.
SIGN    ["Adults Only. We Wouldn't Want Anyone Immature in Here..."]
[04:18] Ane
    Boss, it's me, Ane. I'm so glad you came to s-
[04:27] Otae
    Ane-chan's here, Boss Kikuya.
[04:31] Ane
    What the hell are you doing?!
[04:34] Otae
    I was filling in for you 'til you showed up, Ane-chan.
[04:36] Otae
    But the jerk grabbed my butt. I was startled, and...
[04:39] Ane
    I'm the one who's startled! What're you doing to my customer?!
[04:42] Otae
    I'm sorry. He's not my customer, so I figured it's okay.
[04:46] Ane
    You know damn well it isn't!
[04:47] Otae
    It's my way of welcoming a customer.
[04:49] Ane
    Look, just because that gorilla, who's always stalking you, doesn't mind being beaten up,
[04:54] Ane
    that doesn't mean you can treat anyone else that way!
[04:57] Kondo
    Who're you calling a stalker gorilla! That's rude, you!
[05:00] Kondo
    Otae-san, tell her off.
[05:03] Otae
    All right...get lost, gorilla.
[05:06] Kondo
    No, that's not what I meant.
[05:08] Otae
    If you don't want to hear it, get out of here, gorilla.
[05:11] Kondo
    No, that's not what I meant.
[05:13] Otae
    In fact, do the world a favor and get out of everywhere, gorilla.
[05:17] Kondo
    No, that's not what I meant.
[05:20] Oryo
    Just a minute, calm down, Ane. You're shocking the other customers.
[05:24] Oryo
    Otae definitely went too far, but Mr. Kikuya is also at fault.
[05:28] Oryo
    He keeps trying to turn this place into an all-you-can-grope buffet.
[05:31] Oryo
    The other hostesses don't like him, either.
[05:33] Ane
    Your butt?
[05:35] Ane
    What's the big deal about getting your butt groped?
[05:38] Ane
    Do you know why there are two halves to your butt?
[05:40] Ane
    It's so that you won't mind if someone touches one half.
[05:43] Oryo
    No, I don't think so.
[05:44] Ane
    If he touches your left cheek, let him touch your right!
[05:47] Ane
    Everyone knows that you're supposed to turn the other cheek!
[05:49] Otae
    Ridiculous! Our butt cheeks are vestiges of when we were all angels. They were once wings.
[05:54] Oryo
    Now that's ridiculous!
[05:55] Ane
    What's with that? You being romantic? Like we were some kind of magic girl?
[05:59] Kikuya
    Yeah! Boobs used to be wings!
[06:13] Otae
    You got it wrong, Pal. They're left over from when we used to be living arsenals.
[06:18] Otae
    They were missiles.
[06:20] Ane
    Just what do you think humans used to be?
[06:23] Proprietor
    Okay, I'm not running a Touchy Pub here. But it's not an S&M bar, either, okay.
[06:30] Proprietor
    This isn't the place for enjoying sadistic shows.
[06:34] Ane/Otae
    Yes, you're right.
[06:35] Proprietor
    "Yes, you're right"?! What is this, the Kazuyoshi Morita hour?
SIGN    [Note: A play off Kazuyoshi Morita who is Tamori, the basis for the Tamo-san in this series]
[06:39] Otae/Ane
    Yes, you're right.
[06:41] Proprietor
    You two make me so mad...
[06:43] Proprietor
    So, Otae-chan,
[06:46] Proprietor
    I did ask for you to do a little bouncer duty on our worst drunks,
[06:51] Proprietor
    but I think you've gone too far with the stick.
[06:54] Otae
    I don't have a stick, I have a hole.
SIGN    [Note: A play on the word, bou = stick/rod and youjinbou＝bouncer/bodyguard]
[06:56] Proprietor
    No, that’s not the issue here. Women shouldn’t say such things.
[07:01] Proprietor
    And as for you, Ane-chan, I realize you need money,
[07:06] Proprietor
    but your methods are a bit unscrupulous.
[07:08] Proprietor
    I’ve received many complaints from customers
[07:10] Proprietor
    that you dumped them after they’d given you every cent in their wallets.
[07:13] Ane
    I haven’t dumped them. I recycle the men who can save up enough money to crawl back to me.
[07:19] Proprietor
    I never heard of such a nasty recycling that was so harsh on the Earth.
[07:27] Proprietor
    Well, the two of you are the top girls here. I’d really like to keep you both…
[07:32] Proprietor
    but this business is not going to survive with two nuclear warheads here at the same time.
[07:40] ---
    That’s why I need one of you to quit by the end of this month.
[07:52] Proprietor
    The one who’ll remain is…
[07:54] ---
    Well, it’s just about the day when we tally monthly sales,
[07:59] ---
    so I think the one who brings in more sales will stay.
[08:03] Ane (M)
    He can’t be serious.
[08:05] Ane (M)
    At a time when I’m already struggling to make a living and have to work even harder.
[08:09] Ane (M)
    Damn that hateful woman.
[08:12] Ane (M)
    Who knows how many of my customers have been her victim.
[08:17] Ane (M)
    She’s never sold as many drinks as I have. And yet everyone adores her.
[08:22] Ane (M)
    I’ve never liked that about her.
[08:26] Ane (M)
    This is the perfect chance to drive her out of the bar!
[08:29] Otae
    Ane-chan.
[08:34] Otae
    I’ve gotten out of hand. I’m sorry. It seems I got us into it this whole mess.
[08:40] ---
    I see what you’re doing.
[08:43] Ane
    I’m not blaming you. Let’s both try our best tomorrow.
[08:48] Ane (M)
    I’m not letting you give me a false sense of security.
[08:51] Otae
    About our contest… I’ll forfeit.
[08:57] Otae
    I heard from everyone.
[08:59] Otae
    Ane-chan, they said you had to abandon the shrine you were living in and how it’s been really difficult .
[09:03] Otae
    And on top of that, you’re looking after your introverted younger sister.
[09:07] ---
    I…can’t fight against you, Ane-chan.
[09:12] Otae
    I know. I know that you work harder than anyone, Ane-chan.
[09:20] Otae
    Hang in there. I’m rooting for you.
[09:27] Ane
    What just happened?
[09:32] Ane (M)
    That caught me totally off guard. That woman doesn’t make any sense. But…
[09:38] Ane (M)
    I think I understand why everyone likes her so much.
[10:00] Clerk
    Welcome. Two?
[10:03] Hasegawa
    This the place? You’re sure this is the right place?
[10:07] Gintoki
    Hey, hey. Isn’t this place expensive? You sure it’s okay?
[10:13] Ane
    You’re from the Odd Jobs!
[10:15] Gintoki
    The miko hussy. You’re working here, too?!
[10:18] Ane
    Who’re you calling a hussy? What’re you doing here?!
[10:21] Gintoki
    Huh? I know someone here.
[10:24] Waiter
    Sir, shall I call a particular girl?
[10:26] Gintoki
    Call Otae-chan.
[10:28] Ane
    O…!
[10:29] Otae
    Gin-san, Hasegawa-san. Right this way.
[10:33] Ane (M)
    That bitch! She called her customers here!
[10:35] Customer
    Hot, hot, hot!
[10:37] Hasegawa
    It’s been so long time since I’ve been in a place like this.
[10:40] Gintoki
    Hey, you’re gonna give us a deal, right?
[10:43] ---
    We haven’t got much money.
[10:45] Otae (M)
    Ane-chan says she’s really struggling to pay back what she borrowed.
[10:50] Otae (M)
    I…can’t compete with Ane-chan.
[10:55] Otae (M)
    Or so I want you to believe.
[10:57] Otae (M)
    I couldn’t care less what happens to you. I have my own oath to restore my father’s dojo.
[11:05] Ane (M)
    She tricked me! How could I have missed that?!
[11:09] Ane (M)
    That bitch!
SIGN    [Teach me! Ginpachi Sensei]
SIGN    
SIGN    
[11:25] Gintoki
    This is from “I want to be an animator and draw Gin Tama.”
[11:30] ---
    I can’t seem to draw Gin-san’s hair well. Please give me just a small hint.
[11:36] ---
    All right, I’ll teach you.
[11:38] ---
    His hair may appear random, but it does follow some rules.
SIGN    [How to draw Gin-san]
[11:42] Gintoki
    The key is the four cowlicks.
[11:44] ---
    First, draw a normal head.
[11:46] ---
    Then, draw small cowlicks on both sides of the top of his head.
[11:52] ---
    Then draw cowlicks around the ears and elongate the front hair and you’re done.
SIGN    [Done.]
[11:59] Gintoki
    Just so you know, anime is a tough job that doesn’t make much money, so I wouldn’t recommend it.
SIGN    [Teach me! Ginpachi Sensei]
[12:10] Gintoki
    Okay, now that I’ve taught you how to draw Gin-san, let’s do Shinpachi and Kagura next.
SIGN    [How to draw Shinpachi]
[12:16] Gintoki
    First draw what you think is a ordinary guy. Make it lack as much personality as possible.
[12:21] ---
    Then, give it glasses. Okay… Done.
SIGN    [Done]
[12:24] Gintoki
    Next, how to draw Kagura.
SIGN    [How to draw Kagura]
[12:26] ---
    First, remove Shinpachi’s glasses, and make the hair white.
[12:30] ---
    Next, add two buns on the head. Okay…Done.
SIGN    [Done.]
[12:33] Gintoki
    All the characters are based on Shinpachi.
[12:36] Gintoki
    If you master Shinpachi, you can draw all the characters! So, let’s Shinpachi!
[12:49] Ane (M)
    She tricked me! How could I have missed that?!
[12:55] Ane (M)
    That bitch!
[12:59] Ane (M)
    Shit.
[13:00] Ane (M)
    It’s still not too late.
[13:04] Oryo
    Hi, I’m Oryo. Cool shades!
[13:08] Hasegawa
    What? You can tell? Actually, they were expensive.
[13:11] Gintoki
    So what do we do now? Can I touch your butt?
[13:15] Gintoki
    Just kidding. I’d be better off kneading dough than grabbing your flat behind.
[13:22] Otae
    Oh? You’re so turned on your nose is bleeding.
[13:25] Gintoki
    Incredible. She’s already forgotten what happened two frames ago.
[13:29] Otae
    Such a fun customer you are. Would you like a drink?
[13:33] Otae
    We have Dom-Peri and…Dom-Peri and Dom-Peri and Dom-Peri.
SIGN    [Note: Dom-Peri is Japanese for Dom Perignon]
SIGN    
SIGN    
SIGN    [Shochu and water]
[13:38] Gintoki
    Shochu and water.
[13:39] Otae
    You got it.
[13:41] Otae
    Dom-Peri, please!
[13:43] Gintoki
    Somebody, call an interpreter!
[13:45] Hasegawa
    Dom-Peri? Brings back memories of when I worked for the Bakufu and they’d serve it at elite events.
[13:50] Hasegawa
    It’s too expensive to pay out of my own pocket, so I never touched the stuff.
[13:53] Hasegawa
    We’ll be fine with something cheaper. Like beer.
[13:57] ---
    Dom-Peri…Dom-Peri mixed with Dom-Peri, not beer but Dom-Peri, Dom-Peri.
[14:02] ---
    Nothing but Dom-Per. More Dom-Peri. Say Dom-Peri. What?
[14:07] ---
    What was Dom-Peri? I’m all mixed up. Dom-Peri.
[14:12] Gintoki/Hasegawa
    It’s all Dom-Peri!
[14:15] Gintoki (Softly)
    They’re ripping us off. No doubt about it. This is a rip-off joint!
[14:18] Hasegawa (Softly)
    That’s ridiculous. Otae-chan wouldn’t do a thing like that.
[14:21] Gintoki (Softly)
    Then what’s a Dom-Peri mixed with Dom-Peri?
[14:23] Gintoki (Softly)
    I can’t understand that. I don’t understand all this Dom-Peri or my own thoughts.
[14:26] Otae
    Gin-san.
[14:28] Otae
    You and I haven’t had Dom-Peri in a while.
[14:32] Gintoki
    Dom? Is that like beating a drum? What? When did we ever have Dom Perignon?
[14:37] Oryo
    Hasegawa-san, I think your shades, and your shades, and your shades
[14:40] Oryo
    would go well with Dom-Peri.
[14:42] Hasegawa
    Peri?!
[14:43] Hasegawa
    That’s odd! You’re odd! Are my shades the only thing you can compliment?!
[14:47] Otae
    Please, Dom.
[14:49] Oryo
    I want to drink it, Peri.
[14:50] Otae
    All right, Dom?
[14:51] Oryo
    Okay, Peri?
[14:52] Hasegawa
    Hey, hey, hey. Put it together and it’s Dom-Peri.
[14:52] Oryo/Otae
    Dom-Peri! Dom-Peri!
[14:55] Gintoki
    Subliminal advertising!
[14:58] Gintoki
    They’re manipulating our subconscious minds! Cover your ears! Don’t let them sway you!
[15:03] Otae
    Excuse me. Five Dom-Peri please!
[15:09] Hostesses
    It’s Big Daddy Matsudaira!
[15:11] ---
    Macchan!! Macchan!! Macchan!!
[15:13] Ane
    Oh “Daddy”, I’m so happy you could make it!
[15:18] Ane
    Forgive me, I pulled you away from work.
[15:21] Matsudaira
    It’s all right. It was just a meeting.
[15:23] Matsudaira
    Not like Edo’s going to be destroyed or anything.
[15:25] Matsudaira
    But if I can’t come here, I will be destroyed.
[15:28] Ane
    Oh you make me so happy!
[15:31] Oryo
    That’s Big Daddy Matsudaira!
[15:33] Gintoki (Bored)
    Really?
[15:34] Oryo
    Otae! That man is famous for the outrageously extravagant way he parties.
[15:38] Ane
    “Daddy.” I haven’t had Dom-Peri in a while.
[15:43] Matsudaira
    That stuff’s like juice. I’d like to drink something stronger, but ah well…
[15:51] Waiter
    Five Dom-Peri, coming right up!
[15:56] Waiter
    I’ll serve it right away.
[15:58] Gintoki
    What a waste! It’s spilling over.
[16:00] Otae
    It’s like at a host club.
[16:02] Hostesses
    Cheers!
[16:07] ---
    Chug, Chug…!
[16:18] Ane
    Big Daddy, you’re wonderful.
[16:20] Oryo
    My gosh, five bottles at once… There’s no way you can win against that…
[16:24] Gintoki
    What? You want to beat him?
[16:26] Gintoki
    Hell, we can match every one of their champagnes with 80-20 water and shochu and get higher than him.
[16:32] Hasegawa
    That’s not what this battle is about. She doesn’t want such a lame victory.
[16:37] Ane (M)
    Did you see that? This is the difference between you and I.
[16:44] Oryo
    Otae, what’ll you do? At this rate…
[16:47] Oryo
    Is it okay to let her get on that kind of a roll?
[16:50] Kondo
    Hey, hey, you guys, why the long faces?
[16:54] Kondo
    Bring 10 bottles of Dom Perignon.
[16:57] Oryo
    Kondo-san!
[16:59] Waiter
    We have an order for 10 Dom-Peri!
[17:12] Hostesses
    Awesome!
[17:14] ---
    Otae-chan jumped ahead of Ane-chan all at once!
[17:17] Ane
    What?!
[17:20] Kondo
    I heard what’s going on from the hostesses.
[17:23] Kondo
    You could’ve come to me, Otae-san.
[17:26] Kondo
    I’ve been saving up my savings passbook as a joint account for when we’re married.
SIGN    [O-Edo Bank Passbook]
[17:34] Kondo
    You can relax now. I may not look it, but I’ve made quite a lot.
[17:39] Otae
    …Gorilla-san.
[17:41] Kondo
    Don’t call me G-Gorilla… It doesn’t match this scene.
[17:45] Otae
    Okay…Go-rilla-san.
[17:47] Kondo
    Same thing.
[17:48] Matsudaira
    Kondo!
[17:50] Matsudaira
    You’re a hundred years too early to try and outshine me in Kabukicho!
[17:55] Kondo
    Shut up, lecherous old man! From tonight on, I am the King of Nightlife!
[17:59] Matsudaira
    Don’t be ridiculous! I won’t allow even the Shogun to take away what I live for! 15 Dom-Peri!
[18:07] Ane Et Al
    You’re so cool, Daddy!
[18:09] Kondo
    Otae-san! Dom-Peri over here, too…
[18:11] Otae
    Excuse me. Another round of Dom-Peri with this.
[18:15] Kondo
    You mean you already ordered? That’s my wallet! Nobody said “you’re so cool!”
[18:22] Hasegawa
    No, you’re terrific, guy. We all know that.
[18:28] Gintoki
    It’s not easy to give as much as you did. Gorilla, you’re one heck of a guerilla!
[18:32] Kondo
    All you did was change the spelling!
[18:35] Kondo
    Why are you drinking when you’re not even part of the staff?
[18:38] Gintoki
    Don’t worry about the details!
[18:40] Hasegawa
    Don’t!
[18:41] Kondo
    I do!
[18:42] Otae
    More Dom-Peri!
[18:47] Hostesses
    This is a record!
[18:51] Matsudaira
    Another round of Dom-Peri!
[18:53] Kondo
    Another Dom-Peri!
[18:54] Matsudaira
    Keep the Dom-Peri coming!
[18:56] Kondo
    More and more Dom-Peri!
[18:58] Hostesses
    It’s neck to neck!
[19:00] ---
    Drink up!
[19:08] Matsudaira
    You’re pretty good, Kondo. But isn’t your wallet nearly drained by now?
[19:14] ---
    Don’t underestimate me. I withdrew my entire marriage savings.
[19:18] ---
    Huh?! There’s nothing left. What’s going on?
[19:23] Matsudaira
    You never ordered Dom Perignon on your own so you didn’t know!
[19:28] Matsudaira
    It’s staggeringly expensive! It really is. It’s expensive!
[19:31] Matsudaira
    A few dozen glasses of it can wipe out your savings!
[19:36] ---
    "What’ll I do? My wife’s gonna kill me!"
[19:38] Kondo
    So you’re finished, too!
[19:42] Kondo
    Uh-oh, Otae-san…
[19:44] Otae
    Kondo-san, that’s enough. What you’ve done is plenty…
[19:49] Kondo
    Otae-san…
[19:51] Otae
    Now all you have to do is sell this and that’ll be enough…
[19:56] Kondo
    Um…sell that? But, that’s a Samurai’s soul.
[20:02] Otae
    Soul? You can just buy a new one.
[20:05] Kondo
    No, I can’t do that.
[20:07] Otae
    Let’s see some big money!
[20:09] Gintoki
    She’s right. She’s right.
[20:11] Gintoki
    If you need one, buy it used! I bought mine from an infomercial!
[20:15] Hasegawa
    What? You said you bought it from a wizard.
[20:18] Gintoki
    I lied!
[20:20] Hasegawa
    That’s awful.
[20:21] Hasegawa
    I went to the main store, and anguished and anguished before…
[20:25] Otae
    You sell your shades.
[20:26] Hasegawa
    What…
[20:27] Otae
    I said, go sell your shades.
[20:30] Otae
    And buy me a drink!
[20:34] Otae
    They’re expensive, aren’t they?
[20:36] Otae
    Get going!
[20:38] Gintoki
    That’s what you get for trying to act cool when you’re dirt broke!
[20:43] Gintoki
    Look at me! I live simply, so I’ve got nothing to lose.
[20:48] Otae
    You, go borrow money.
[20:50] Otae
    I’m saying, guys who don’t have any money need to go borrow some!
[21:03] Matsudaira
    That’s why I said you punks are a hundred years too young to be playing at night.
[21:07] Matsudaira
    Kids who don’t know when to quit can’t survive in this town.
[21:12] Matsudaira
    My wallet’s empty, so…
[21:14] Matsudaira
    Ane-chan, the bill please.
[21:16] Ane
    What’re you talking about?
[21:18] Ane
    Your wallet may be empty, but your bank account isn’t, is it?
[21:22] Ane
    Hurry and make a withdrawal. Or I’ll tell your wife everything.
[21:37] Proprietor
    Yes, you both were fantastic!
[21:40] Proprietor
    Ane-chan, Otae-chan. I have to say you both win the competition!
[21:49] Ane
    That was a great match.
[21:51] Otae
    From now on, let’s work together for the sake of the club!
SIGN    [Kabukicho, town of greed]
SIGN    [Tonight as always]
SIGN    [Men and women replay the drama of love]
SIGN    [Though they know it is]
SIGN    [But a fleeting dream]
SIGN    [They cannot escape]
SIGN    [The fate of foolish men]
SIGN    [Ah…]
SIGN    [The morning sun is blinding again today]
[22:35] Gintoki
    Hey, What’s with the cheesy lyrics over our heads?
[22:38] Hasegawa
    Don’t try to trick me. That’s not going to settle anything!
SIGN    
[24:16] ---
    Wow! A monstrous guy has moved in!
[24:19] ---
    “My neighbor Hedoro,” he looks so scary!
[24:21] ---
    A florist by day, but he must be an alien conqueror by night!
[24:26] Gintoki
    The next episode… “Do Cherries Come from Cherry Trees?”
SIGN    [Hedoro’s house shows up next door. Are those demon flowers for world conquest?]
SIGN    [What is the fate of the Odd Jobs? Who must circulate the Neighborhood Notebook?]