E118 - "Even if Your Back is Bent, Go Straight Forward"

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    [The summer vacation special "Ryugu Arc." You'll see the final episode this week!]
SIGN    [Otohime is plotting to turn everyone on Earth into senior citizens. Will Katsura and Gintoki be able to stop her?!]
SIGN    ["Even if Your Back is Bent, Go Straight Forward"]
[01:50] Kame Soldier T
    Hey! Look at that!
[01:52] ---
    A huge treasure box!
[01:54] Kame Soldier A
    Don't tell me... Otohime-sama is going to
    blast Ryugu Palace and the rest of us.
[01:58] Kame Soldier T
    Damn it!
[01:59] ---
    Get out of here!
[02:07] Kamenashi
    Are you all right?
[02:21] Shinpachi
    Gin-san, the aging gas has
    spread over here, too!
[02:24] Shinpachi
    Otohime is trying to turn Ryugu Palace
    and all her followers into old folks!
[02:29] Gintoki
    We've already been turned into old
    men, so it really doesn't matter.
[02:31] Shinpachi
    What an irresponsible thing to say!
[02:34] Katsura
    Who's setting off fireworks at midnight?!
[02:39] Katsura
    Is that Takasugi-san's goons?
[02:41] Shinpachi
    It's hopeless!
[02:44] Katsura
    I want to see him.
[02:46] Katsura
    I want to be as beautiful as
    I was when he first saw me.
[02:51] Katsura
    And when he finally awakens,
[02:53] Katsura
    I want to welcome him the
    same way I did before.
[02:58] Katsura
    That way he won't feel lonely.
    How sad, Otohime...
[03:01] Katsura
    After so much time has passed...
[03:05] Katsura
    ...have her feelings twisted
    into something ugly?
[03:08] Gintoki
    Youth and beauty aren't what's important.
[03:12] Gintoki
    It's more difficult to walk straight and
    true if your back is bent to begin with.
[03:19] ---
    As they say...
[03:22] Gintoki
    It's better if you make your soul beautiful!
[03:28] Shinpachi
    ...Well, I guess what you're
    saying makes sense...
[03:32] Shinpachi
    but I don't understand at all.
[03:33] Katsura
    You're great, Gintoki. You said
    exactly the right thing.
[03:37] Katsura
    I prefer Mie-chan, too.
[03:40] Shinpachi
    What are you guys talking about?!
    That's all about the Pink Lady!
SIGN    [Note: Pink Lady was a female pop music duo made up of "Mie" and "Kei" from the 1970s.]
[03:43] Shinpachi
    You're so out of date. Catch up, dude!
[03:46] Gintoki
    Hey, Zura. Even though you've turned
    into a worn-out old man...
[03:52] Gintoki
    ...can you still...
[03:53] Gintoki
    ...run straight?
[03:56] Katsura
    To whom do you think are you talking to?
[03:58] Katsura
    Even though my eyesight is worse,
    I can still see clearly...
[04:02] ---
    The right way to go...
[04:03] Katsura
    ...I can see it straight and clear.
[04:05] Gintoki
    I see it too.
[04:07] Gintoki
    Then let's go...
[04:09] Gintoki
    ...so we can help rehabilitate
    a 3,000-year-old woman.
[04:18] Shinpachi
    Gin-san, Katsura-san, it's impossible!
    Your bodies are too...
[04:31] Otohime
    It's all over now. The world will
    sink into the deep, dark sea.
[04:35] Otohime
    I'll become the only beautiful
    person in this whole world.
[04:40] ---
    Cannon... Fire!
[04:48] Otohime
    What's going on?
[04:49] Kame Soldier U
    Someone is hacking into
    the main computer.
[04:53] Kame Soldier U
    Fifteen minutes until the system recovers
    and the Old Age Cannon fires.
[04:56] Otohime
    Wh...
SIGN    [I HAVE ENTRUSTED HOPE TO YOU.]
[05:02] Shinpachi
    "I have entrusted hope to you"?!
[05:04] ---
    Who is this?! Who's doing this?
[05:12] Urashima
    I have entrusted hope to you.
[05:16] Urashima
    Fire the Anti-aging vaccine to destroy
    the Aging virus ravaging the world!
[05:22] Urashima
    ...Please...
SIGN    [PLEASE SAVE OTOHIME.]
[05:26] Urashima
    ...save Otohime...
SIGN    [URASHIMA]
[05:38] Otohime
    Who is it?!
[05:40] ---
    Who's standing in my way?!
[05:47] Otohime
    N-No way...
[05:50] Otohime
    Those rebels are still trying to defeat me.
[05:54] Otohime
    Even when reduced to old men...
[05:57] Otohime
    ...they still fight me?!
[06:00] Otohime
    They're heading towards the cannon!
[06:03] Otohime
    Are they going to stop the Heavenly
    Old Age Cannon from firing?
[06:07] Kame Soldier U
    Ten minutes until the system recovers
    and the Old Age Cannon fires.
[06:11] Otohime
    Stupid fools! You're too
    old and slow to make it!
[06:15] Otohime
    My enemies are in the B-57 area!
    Capture them immediately!
[06:21] Otohime
    They're too slow! Both the
    enemies and my soldiers!
[06:24] Otohime
    You bastards! This isn't a picnic!
[06:27] Otohime
    Damn it! I completely miscalculated
    the situation!
[06:31] Otohime
    I shouldn't have gassed the soldiers!
[06:34] Gintoki
    Humph. Our opponents are old men.
[06:37] Katsura
    Old men vs. old men. Under these
    conditions, we won't ever lose!
[06:48] Gintoki/ Katsura
    Here we go!
[06:50] Otohime
    So fast! They're so quick
    for their age! Amazing!
[06:53] ---
    Who are they?!
[06:55] Gintoki
    4W-Old men!
SIGN    [4W-Old men!]
[06:57] Otohime
    They're pissing me off! They're pretty
    good, but they're really pissing me off!
[07:00] Kame Soldier U
    Eight minutes until the system recovers
    and the Old Age Cannon fires.
[07:04] Gintoki
    I won't let anybody say old
    men are ugly anymore!
[07:07] Gintoki
    I'll show you an old man's
    boundless power!
[07:10] Katsura
    Otohime!
[07:13] Kame Soldier U
    The Old Age Cannon will
    fire in seven minutes.
[07:18] Kame Soldier A
    Hold on! That's it!
[07:20] Kame Soldier A
    I won't let you go any farther!
[07:25] Kame Soldier A
    I-Impossible!
[07:27] Kame Soldier A
    Those fanatical old men...
[07:29] Kame Soldier A
    ...are racing along the walls!
[07:34] Otohime
    Th-Those old men... N-No
    way... This is impossible...
[07:39] Old Otae
    They're the ones...
[07:40] Old Otae
    ...whom you said were ugly.
[07:44] Old Otae
    Why don't you stop them with
    your own ugly, twisted ways?
[07:48] Old Otae
    No matter how many
    wrinkles they have...
[07:50] Old Otae
    No matter how far their backs
    crumple forward...
[07:53] Old Otae
    Their will is as strong and straight
    as a sword and will never break.
[07:55] ---
    Stop them if you can!
[07:59] Kame Soldier U
    The Old Age Cannon
    will fire in six minutes.
[08:01] Shinpachi
    Gin-san! Gin-san!
[08:04] Shinpachi
    I did it! Finally, I found it!
[08:06] Shinpachi
    The last weapon that can save the world!
[08:09] Gintoki
    What's that?
[08:10] Shinpachi
    It's a vaccine!
[08:11] Shinpachi
    It's a bullet filled with a
    vaccine that neutralizes
[08:13] Shinpachi
    the Aging virus Otohime
    unleashed upon Edo.
[08:16] Shinpachi
    If we put this in the gun-port
    lid of the cannon,
[08:20] Shinpachi
    ...and let it fire, everyone
    will return to normal.
[08:23] Katsura
    Well done, Shintaro-kun.
[08:25] Katsura
    I didn't quite get all that, but
    we stick that up the butt...
[08:28] Shinpachi
    Katsura-san, that's not what I said!
[08:30] ---
    This has nothing to do with butts!
[08:33] Kame Soldier U
    The Old Age Cannon will fire
    in 5 minutes and 30 seconds.
[08:37] Shinpachi
    There's no time! We have to hurry!
[08:42] Katsura
    Wh-What the heck is this?!
[08:46] Katsura
    The stairway goes on and on...!
[08:49] Gintoki
    It looks like they've stopped this elevator.
[08:52] Shinpachi
    We won't be able to reach the cannon
    unless we climb up these stairs!
[08:55] Kame Soldier U
    The Old Age Cannon will
    fire in five minutes.
[08:58] Shinpachi
    We've only got five minutes!
[09:02] Otohime
    Why are you guys so slow?!
[09:03] ---
    Hurry up and get them!
[09:05] ---
    It'll be over if they reach the cannon!
[09:10] Otohime
    Over there!
[09:11] ---
    Get them!
[09:14] Shinpachi
    Damn it!
[09:14] ---
    Gin-san, Katsura-san, hurry it up!
[09:17] Old Gintoki
    Sh-Sh-Shut up!
[09:21] Old Gintoki
    Now, we've got to climb stairs?!
[09:24] Old Katsura
    You know, old men hate stairs and the
    sound of their old wives' teeth grinding!
[09:30] Old Katsura
    ...but...I love her in my heart
    more than anybody else!
[09:34] Shinpachi
    I didn't ask you! And you
    don't even have a wife!
[09:41] Otohime
    Come on! What are you doing?!
[09:43] Otohime
    That's enough! Get out of the way!
[09:45] ---
    You old slow pokes!
[09:48] Otohime
    You...
[09:49] Otohime
    ...you bastards!
[09:51] Shinpachi
    Hasegawa-san! Kamenashi-san!
[09:53] Hasegawa
    Don't get all run down, old fellas.
[09:56] Hasegawa
    You guys can't even climb
    stairs like this?!
[09:58] Hasegawa
    How shameful, you pathetic old farts!
[10:01] Hasegawa
    Don't slow down, speed walk!
[10:04] Hasegawa
    All the old men and women
    of the world...
[10:06] Hasegawa
    ...are counting on you!
[10:10] Old Gintoki
    Shut up! You're the one who's old!
[10:13] Old Katsura
    We won't lose against young men!
[10:17] ---
    You jerks are holding me back!
    Unhand me!
[10:23] Kame Soldier U
    The Old Age Cannon will
    fire in four minutes.
[10:25] Old Kagura
    Michuko-san, Michuko-san, isn't
    my breakfast ready yet?
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Mitsuko, the typical name for a "daughter-in-law" in TV series.]
[10:31] Otohime
    Wh... So strong!
[10:34] Old Kagura
    Michuko-san, Michuko-san, isn't
    my breakfast ready yet?
[10:38] Otohime
    O-Old granny, you've already
    had breakfast.
[10:42] Old Kagura
    Oh, really? I'm sorry then.
[10:47] Otohime
    Yes!
[10:51] Old Kagura
    Michuko-san, Michuko-san,
    isn't my lunch ready yet?
[10:55] Otohime
    I just said you already had breakfast!
[10:59] Old Kagura
    I see... I haven't even had lunch
    yet... So, is breakfast ready yet?
[11:04] Otohime
    I told you that you already had breakfast!
[11:05] Old Kagura
    I see. I had breakfast, and haven't
    had lunch yet, which means...
[11:10] ---
    Isn't my Tandori Chicken Bourgogne-style
    pie ready yet?
[11:15] Otohime
    What kind of meal is that?
    It sounds far too gourmet.
[11:17] Otohime
    What kind of meal is that?
[11:18] Old Kyubei
    Michuko-san, Michuko-san.
[11:21] Old Kyubei
    Do you know where my eyepatch is?
[11:23] Otohime
    You're wearing it on your left eye!
[11:25] Old Kagura/ Old Kyubei
    Michuko-san, Michuko-san,
    Michuko-san...
[11:28] Otohime
    Shut up, already! I'm not Michuko!
[11:31] Kyubei
    Hello, Hachibei? Mom is really tired.
[11:35] Kyubei
    I can't get along with
    Michuko-san anymore.
[11:37] Otohime
    Don't call up your son!
[11:39] Kagura
    Hello, Hachibei. Isn't my Tandori
    Chicken ready yet?
[11:44] Kagura
    Well...yeah, please get it on
    your way back from work.
[11:47] Otohime
    Don't ask her son to get
    Tandori Chicken for you!
[11:52] Old Hasegawa
    We won't let you...
[11:54] Old Kamenashi
    ...take a single step further!
[11:56] Otohime
    Y-You guys...!
[11:59] Kame Soldier U
    The Old Age Cannon will
    fire in three minutes.
[12:10] Kame Soldier U
    The Old Age Cannon will
    fire in two minutes.
[12:24] Old Gintoki
    Shinpachi!
[12:31] Kame Soldier
    The cannon will fire in...
[12:33] Kame Soldier
    ...under one minute.
[12:35] ---
    The countdown begins now.
[12:37] ---
    60 seconds... 59 seconds...
[12:40] Katsura
    That one. If we put this vaccine
    into the butt of the cannon,
[12:44] Katsura
    both it and the aging gas will
    spread through the world.
[13:02] Otohime
    I won't let you! I won't let you do it!
[13:04] Otohime
    I won't allow a single person
    to stand in my way!
[13:07] Old Gintoki/ Old Katsura
    Otohime!
[13:14] Kame Soldier U
    Ten... Nine... Eight...
    Seven... Six... Five...
[13:21] Kame Soldier U
    Four...
[13:22] Kame Soldier U
    Three...
[13:23] Kame Soldier U
    Two...
[13:24] Kame Soldier U
    One...
[13:25] ---
    Heavenly Old Age Cannon...
[13:27] ---
    Fire!
[13:32] Otohime
    I win! I win...
[13:36] Otohime
    The vaccine...
[13:40] Gintoki
    Zura, let's aim for the cannon's butt.
[13:44] Katsura
    I'm not Zura. I'm Katsura.
[13:57] Gintoki
    Otohime!
[13:59] Katsura
    Watch carefully! This is the real...
[14:02] Gintoki/Katsura
    ...gateball!
[14:38] Hanano
    Huh?
[14:39] ---
    Oh...? My wrinkles... No kidding...
[14:41] People
    Wow!
[14:43] People
    We've returned to normal!
[15:02] Shinpachi
    Gin-san! Katsura-san!
[15:04] Shinpachi
    Hey!
[15:15] Otohime
    The reason I was defeated is...
[15:17] Otohime
    The reason I was defeated is...
[15:19] Otohime
    because I underestimated
    old men like you.
[15:23] Otohime
    I never thought I'd be defeated
    by the people
[15:27] Otohime
    I hated and thought were ugly.
[15:31] Shinpachi
    We couldn't have done
    it without that man.
[15:34] Shinpachi
    The man who spoke through
    the computer
[15:36] Shinpachi
    and told us about the Anti-aging vaccine.
[15:39] Shinpachi
    He's probably the same person you've been
    waiting for all this time, Otohime-san.
[15:44] Shinpachi
    He asked us to save you.
[15:48] Otohime
    You've got to be kidding me. He's...
[15:50] ---
    ...still in deep sleep, frozen inside
    the deep-freeze capsule... And...
[15:56] Otohime
    Are you telling me that because he's
    been in there for such a long time,
[15:59] Otohime
    his consciousness has entered
    Ryugu's main computer?
[16:04] Katsura
    I don't know. But one thing
    I can say for certain is,
[16:07] Katsura
    you've been thinking of
    him for a long time.
[16:10] Katsura
    And that man inside there...
[16:14] Katsura
    ...in the darkness...has been
    thinking of you, too.
[16:19] Katsura
    Like a pearl that glitters in the deep sea.
[16:22] Katsura
    ...guiding you so you'd never get lost.
[16:25] Kame Soldier A
    Dang! It's too heavy!
[16:27] ---
    Hey, get more people.
[16:29] Otohime
    That's enough.
[16:30] Otohime
    I said that's enough.
[16:32] Otohime
    Tell all the soldiers that Ryugu
    Palace will soon be destroyed.
[16:37] Otohime
    To avoid damaging the city...
[16:39] Otohime
    ...steer the palace towards sea.
[16:42] Otohime
    Everyone must leave the
    palace, even the mice.
[16:47] Otohime
    Of course, those guys, too.
[16:48] Kame Soldiers A
    But Princess, what about you?
[16:50] Otohime
    Hurry and leave now!
[16:53] Shinpachi
    Otohime!
[16:57] Otohime
    I'll never be able to see
    him again, anyway.
[17:01] Otohime
    I'm too tired to wait any more
[17:03] Otohime
    hundreds of thousands of years alone.
[17:09] Otohime
    I've already waited this long.
[17:11] Otohime
    And not only my body, but
    also my soul has decayed.
[17:17] Otohime
    But...because of you guys...
[17:19] Otohime
    I was able to realize my
    wrongs at the very end.
[17:23] Otohime
    Not once, but twice...
[17:27] Otohime
    My selfish desires lead to leaving
    him all alone again.
[17:31] Otohime
    I thank you. I can see it now...
[17:34] Otohime
    ...clearly, the light that
    you carried to me...
[17:40] Otohime
    Thank you.
[17:41] Shinpachi
    Otohime!
[17:49] Otohime
    Urashima-sama.
[17:51] Otohime
    In the end, I wasn't able to see you...
[17:53] Otohime
    ...in this world.
[17:56] Otohime
    But at least, in the deep sea,
    I hope to sleep next to you...
[18:02] Otohime
    ...That's my only wish.
[18:21] Otohime
    You fool...
[18:23] Gintoki
    ...Why did you wait for him for hundreds
    of thousands of years?
[18:28] Gintoki
    ...Why do you only remember
    a few of his words
[18:30] Gintoki
    amongst the thousands you've heard?
[18:34] Urashima
    You're... absolutely beautiful.
[18:39] Gintoki
    It's because those words weren't
    describing your appearance
[18:42] Gintoki
    but your soul, right?
[18:48] Gintoki
    You fell in love with that man's
    soul, didn't you?
[18:52] Gintoki
    Even if you grow to be full of wrinkles
    or your back hunches over,
[18:54] Gintoki
    it won't matter at all.
[18:57] Gintoki
    Even if you get dentures
    and they get all stained,
[18:59] Gintoki
    or you need to wear adult diapers...
[19:01] ---
    ...just live...and show him your
    smile in a face full of wrinkles!
[19:05] Gintoki
    Old hag!
[19:15] Otae
    Everyone, no matter how beautiful,
[19:17] Otae
    grows wrinkled and dies in the end.
[19:21] Otae
    But even if their looks change,
[19:25] Otae
    there's always some things
    that never change.
[19:27] Otae
    Even if our bodies are destroyed.
[19:29] Otae
    No matter how many years pass.
[19:30] Hasegawa
    Why me?!
[19:31] Otae
    We believe there's something
    that can never be destroyed.
[19:35] Otae
    But even if we become wrinkled,
    we still won't lose to you.
[19:39] Otae
    That's because we know
    what true beauty is.
[19:47] Kamenashi
    Good grief. I thought I gathered up
    brave warriors to defeat Otohime,
[19:51] Kamenashi
    but it looks like I drew some wild cards.
[19:55] Kame Soldier Z
    What are you guys doing?! Hurry
    up and get out of here!
[19:58] Kame Soldier
    Are you going to waste Otohime-sama's
    concern for us?
[20:01] Kamenashi
    Aren't you guys going to try to save her?
[20:03] Kame Soldier Z
    It's Otohime-sama's last
    order! We can't disobey!
[20:07] Kamenashi
    Humph. Sorry, but I'm a rebel.
[20:11] Kamenashi
    I don't have any obligation to listen
    to any of Otohime-sama's orders.
[20:15] Kame Soldier Z
    ...Then now we're rebels, too!
[20:18] Kame Soldiers
    Yeah!
[20:19] Kame Soldiers
    Save Otohime-sama!
[20:39] Otohime
    Oh, hi! Welcome!
[20:40] Kondo
    Damn it! Let me die! A guy
    like me should just die!
[20:45] Kondo
    Even if I live, there's nothing
    good that can happen!
[20:48] Hijikata
    Hey, hey, just calm down.
[20:50] Hijikata
    I'd assist you in committing
    seppuku any time.
[20:53] Otohime
    Please have a seat wherever you like.
[20:55] Otohime
    I'm sorry about the noise.
[20:58] Otohime
    Did you get dumped by
    a woman again?
[21:00] Otohime
    You just never learn, do you?
[21:02] Otohime
    Here, drink this and forget about her.
[21:04] Kondo
    Mama! I like you, Mama!
    Please marry me!
SIGN    [Note: In Japan, customers often call female bar owners Mama.]
[21:08] Otohime
    I'm sorry, but I already have someone.
[21:11] Hijikata
    Hmm. That's news to us. We'd
    like to hear more about it.
[21:15] Kondo
    That's a lie! Don't be a
    braggart, you old hag!
SIGN    [RYUGU PALACE SNACK HOUSE]
[21:19] Otohime
    As a matter of fact, I used to
    be the queen of a palace.
[21:24] Otohime
    I was really beautiful back then.
[21:28] Kondo
    Ryugu Palace, right?
[21:29] Kondo
    The queen of the Ryugu Palace
    Snack House, right?
[21:31] Kondo
    Then let me ask you, "Otohime-sama."
    How do I get a woman?
[21:38] Otohime
    Well, if you're a real man, don't
    say anything more, and...
[21:43] Urashima
    You're so beautiful.
[21:45] Kondo
    No, no, brother, that's too
    stereotypical a line!
[21:48] Kondo
    There's no sense in that at all!
[21:52] Urashima
    This is the second time in my life...
[21:53] Urashima
    ...that I've seen this beautiful woman.
[21:58] Urashima
    Otohime-sama, you're still
    absolutely beautiful,
[22:02] Urashima
    just as you were when I last saw you.
SIGN    
[24:16] Hijikata
    Let me smoke, damn it!
[24:19] Hijikata
    Damn. Before we know it, there'll be
    no place for us smokers.
[24:25] Hijikata
    I can't stand it anymore.
    At this rate, I... I...
SIGN    ["Within Each Box of Cigarettes, Are One or Two Cigarettes That Smell Like Horse Dung"]
SIGN    [It's a record-breaking smoking ban! Edo has finally banned smoking.]
SIGN    [Toshiro Hijikata loves to smoke. He wanders around looking for cigarettes...]