E80 - "When someone who wears glasses takes them off, it looks like something’s missing"

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Shinpachi
    Kyubei Yagyu took Otae away.
[00:05] ---
    In an effort to rescue her, the Odd Jobs trio,
[00:08] ---
    led by Shinpachi, and three of the Shinsengumi, led by Kondo, challenged the Yagyu clan.
[00:13] ---
    But, the Four Aces of the Yagyu clan and their leader, Kyubei Yagyu, stand in their way.
[00:19] ---
    In order to take Otae back,
[00:21] ---
    they must take on the Yagyu in a six-on-six game of survival.
[00:25] Kondo (M)
    Otae-san. Sandpaper.
[00:25] Tojo (M)
    Young Lord. Sandpaper.
[00:26] Kondo (M)
    Otae-san. Sandpaper..
[00:27] Tojo (M)
    Young Lord. Sandpaper.
[00:39] Tojo
    My duty is to protect the Young Lord and further his ambitions.
[00:44] Tojo
    I have done a very disrespectful thing to lead you to victory, Young Lord...
[00:48] Tojo
    In the end, I...
[00:50] Tojo
    ...was weak.
[00:54] Tojo
    But the next time...
[00:58] Tojo
    No, I could never use...the sandpaper.
[01:03] Kondo
    Otae-san...I'm sorry...
[01:05] Kondo
    I came this far to see your smiling face, but...
[01:12] Kondo (M)
    But this is as far as I got.
[01:16] Kondo (M)
    I am such...a fool...
SIGN    [Kondo and Tojo were eliminated after a fierce battle. All that remains is a showdown between Gintoki and Binbokusai.]
SIGN    [Meanwhile, as Hijikata battles Kyubei Yagyu, a certain suspicion lingers.]
[03:01] Gintoki
    How'd we end up like this?
[03:03] Binbokusai
    How did we end up like this?
[03:06] Gintoki
    Jeez... I never should've come here.
[03:10] Gintoki
    To be honest, I wasn't really up for coming in the first place.
[03:15] ---
    But the others said, let's go, so...
[03:19] Gintoki
    I didn't want to be a party pooper, but I got caught up in the heat of the moment.
[03:23] ---
    I'm such a fool.
[03:25] Binbokusai
    Same here.
[03:26] ---
    Truth is, Kyubei...
[03:28] Binbokusai
    insisted that I be the captain, so I had no choice.
[03:33] Binbokusai
    Recently, the bureaucrats have been making sinister attempts to try and tear down my trash mansion.
SIGN    [Note: Binbokusai is an avid junk collector. People's large junk collections is an actual problem in Japan.]
[03:38] ---
    They're my real enemies.
[03:43] Gintoki
    This is ridiculous!
[03:45] ---
    It's never wise to get swept up in other people's ideals, is it?
[03:47] Binbokusai
    Frankly, I don't give a hoot who those youngsters marry.
[03:52] Binbokusai
    Have it their way.
[03:53] ---
    Who cares if the baby came first, or if they get divorced after the honeymoon?
[03:57] Binbokusai
    Hey, more importantly, are you sure you don't have any paper?
[04:01] Gintoki
    Nothing.
[04:03] ---
    Nothing that even sounds like paper.
[04:05] ---
    How about you?
SIGN    [Secrets of the Yagyu Chingkage Style]
[04:08] Binbokusai
    Nope.
[04:09] ---
    Nothing that even resembles paper.
[04:11] Gintoki
    Don't you...
[04:12] Gintoki
    cheat, now.
[04:14] ---
    Seriously, if you do find paper, share it, okay?
[04:17] Binbokusai
    Naturally.
[04:19] ---
    Don't you go cheating either.
[04:21] ---
    Swear to god.
SIGN    [Note: This is a pun because the words for "god" and "paper" are homonyms in Japanese.]
[04:22] Gintoki
    You swear it too.
[04:24] ---
    If you break it, you have to kill yourself.
[04:25] Binbokusai
    You'll have to kill yourself too.
[04:27] ---
    If you don't, I get to flick your forehead ten times.
[04:34] Binbokusai
    Are you wiping?
[04:36] ---
    It sounds like it.
[04:37] ---
    You have paper, don't you?
[04:38] Gintoki
    I told you, I don't have any.
[04:40] ---
    Friends shouldn't doubt each other.
[04:43] ---
    Is that a wiping sound I hear?
[04:45] ---
    You have paper, don't you?
[04:46] Binbokusai
    No, I don't.
[04:47] ---
    But what about you?
[04:49] Gintoki
    I keep telling you...
[04:51] ---
    I don't have any!!
SIGN    ["When Someone Who Wears Glasses Takes Them Off, It Looks Like Something's Missing"]
[05:09] Kyubei
    You're panting.
[05:11] Kyubei
    Letting your opponent see you breathing hard...
[05:15] Kyubei
    is a sign of weakness!
[05:26] Kyubei
    Are you mocking me?
[05:31] Kyubei
    But you're not only breathing hard.
[05:34] ---
    There's hesitation in your strikes.
[05:39] Kyubei
    Do you think you can win against me like that?
[05:43] ---
    What're you playing at?
[05:45] Hijikata (M)
    What am I playing at?
[05:47] ---
    Give me a break!
[05:48] ---
    I should ask you the same thing.
[05:51] Hijikata (M)
    If my intuition is correct...
[05:55] ---
    No, it's not an intuition...
[05:59] Hijikata (M)
    The very first time we crossed swords, something didn't seem right.
[06:04] Hijikata (M)
    Now, I'm positive...
[06:08] Hijikata (M)
    If I'm right...then what is this fight really about?
[06:19] Hijikata (M)
    Don't hesitate.
[06:20] ---
    Regardless of who the opponent is...
[06:21] Hijikata (M)
    I fight to kill my enemy!
[06:42] Gintoki
    Quit jumping around, old man!
[06:44] Gintoki
    I'm trying to get a clean shot at your plate.
[06:47] ---
    You're going to get hurt if you keep moving.
[06:50] Binbokusai
    You see things pretty clearly with those dead-fish eyes.
[06:55] ---
    Is that your own sword style?
[06:58] Maid 1
    There she is!
[07:00] Maid 2
    Cut her off.
[07:03] Koshinori
    Stop! Stop!
[07:05] Koshinori
    I won't let your run amuck anymore!
[07:08] Otae
    Shin-chan?!
[07:10] Otae
    Shin-chan, let go of me!
[07:12] Shinpachi
    Quiet!
[07:13] Shinpachi
    I'm never ever going to listen to anything you say again!
[07:16] Shinpachi
    You came here to be a bride without telling me anything!
[07:22] Shinpachi
    That gives me the right to take you back the same way!
[07:25] Maid
    Otae-sama, wait!
[07:27] ---
    Otae-sama!
[07:29] Maid
    Otae-sama!
[07:30] ---
    Otae-sama, wait!
[07:48] Binbokusai
    Over here, you!
[07:50] Gintoki
    This old guy's a freak!
[07:53] Otae
    Shin-chan... I apologize for not saying anything to you.
[07:58] ---
    But don't do this.
[08:01] ---
    If you pull any more crazy stunts against the Yagyu, you'll get hurt.
[08:08] Otae
    And besides...I've already made up my mind.
[08:14] Shinpachi
    That's not fair, Sis.
[08:18] Shinpachi
    You always show your smiling face, but you never show your true feelings.
[08:25] Shinpachi
    Even when it hurts or you feel like crying, you force yourself to smile.
[08:29] ---
    You never tell anyone how you feel.
[08:32] Shinpachi
    You keep it to yourself,
[08:34] Shinpachi
    make up your mind by yourself and leave by yourself with a smile on your face.
[08:39] Shinpachi
    Stop putting up a front!
[08:43] Shinpachi
    If something is troubling you, please tell us!
[08:47] Shinpachi
    I won't let you say that I'm alone in this!
[08:50] Shinpachi
    Everyone came here because we saw the sadness in your face.
[08:57] Shinpachi
    They'd die before admitting it, but they're doing all this for you.
[09:01] Shinpachi
    Please remember, we are here for you.
[09:04] Shinpachi
    None of us can stand it...
[09:07] Shinpachi
    when you're unhappy.
[09:14] Otae
    This is none of their business.
[09:17] Otae
    I never asked them to come here.
[09:21] ---
    Just leave me alone already.
[09:25] ---
    I dare you to say that again, dammit!
[09:32] Otae
    I'll say it as many times as you want!
[09:34] ---
    I...
[09:39] Otae
    I wish I could stay with all of you forever too!
[09:44] Otae
    But, I can't...
[09:49] Otae
    I have to be Kyu-chan's left eye!
[09:54] Shinpachi
    Left eye?
[09:57] Shinpachi
    Sis, what do you mean?
[10:01] Kyubei
    Otae-chan, are you still hung up about that?
[10:08] Shinpachi
    Hijikata-san...
[10:13] Kyubei
    Shinpachi-kun.
[10:15] ---
    You may not know this, but when I was young, I lost my left eye.
[10:20] Kyubei
    Otae-chan happened to be there.
[10:25] Kyubei
    I told her not to feel responsible.
[10:29] Kyubei
    On the contrary, I'm actually grateful.
[10:33] Kyubei
    Because that incident made me the person I am today.
[10:37] ---
    In exchange for my left eye, I gained strength.
[10:41] Kyubei
    Shinpachi-kun, how many in your team are left?
[10:45] Kyubei
    No, it doesn't matter how many are left.
[10:47] ---
    If I defeat you, their captain, it's all over.
[10:50] Kyubei
    I will have your precious sister.
[10:56] Hijikata
    Have her?
[10:59] Hijikata
    Don't talk nonsense!
[11:03] Hijikata
    Hey, four-eyes.
[11:05] Hijikata
    We've all been duped. This whole thing is a farce.
[11:11] Hijikata
    He's...a woman.
[11:25] ---
    A...woman?
[11:27] Shinpachi
    Kyubei-san's a woman?
[11:30] ---
    What's going on?!
[11:33] Hijikata
    I mean she's got what you don't, and missing what you've got.
[11:38] Shinpachi
    But...he says he's going to marry Sis...
[11:42] ---
    That can't be!
[11:45] ---
    No way.
[11:46] Shinpachi
    Could it be...?
[11:49] Shinpachi
    Do you...
[11:50] Shinpachi
    think Sis is a man?!
[11:53] ---
    She is kind of flat-chested, but...
[11:55] Otae
    Of course not!
[12:00] Otae
    Kyu-chan has the body of a woman, but the heart of a man.
[12:06] Otae
    He can only love women.
[12:12] Binbokusai
    They say anyone who interferes with love deserves to be kicked to death by a horse.
[12:17] Binbokusai
    It's not nice to interfere with a couple who've vowed to become husband and wife.
[12:24] Gintoki
    Husband and wife?
[12:26] ---
    Don't make me laugh, old man.
[12:28] ---
    Your Young Lord is actually your Young Princess, right?
[12:31] Binbokusai
    I'm surprised.
[12:33] ---
    You knew?
[12:34] Gintoki
    You can fool the others, but you can't fool my crotch sensor.
[12:40] Binbokusai
    My sensor went bad a long time ago.
[12:44] ---
    The other day, it responded to a slipper.
[12:47] ---
    I felt like killing myself.
[12:48] Gintoki
    Just what I'd expect of the powerful Yagyu.
[12:51] ---
    It makes no difference if it's a slipper or a woman.
[12:54] ---
    Are you planning to put the entire Yagyu clan up to the task of wedding two women?
[12:58] Shinpachi
    That's bullshit!
[13:00] ---
    Do you really think anyone will accept that?!
[13:02] Shinpachi
    Sis!
[13:03] ---
    Why didn't you say something all this time?!
[13:05] Shinpachi
    You knew, didn't you?
[13:08] ---
    Or...
[13:10] Shinpachi
    you knew and you were still willing to marry Kyubei?
[13:13] Binbokusai
    It's totally our fault she grew up that way.
[13:18] ---
    For generations, it is tradition for the reigns of the Yagyu clan to be passed to a male heir.
[13:24] ---
    However, my son Koshinori's wife died shortly after giving birth the Kyubei.
[13:30] ---
    There were suggestions from the clan that he find a new wife,
[13:35] ---
    but Koshinori never agreed.
[13:39] Binbokusai
    If he had and his new wife bore a child,
[13:43] Binbokusai
    Kyubei would've lost her position in the Yagyu clan.
[13:48] Binbokusai
    My son and I thought of ways to help her.
[13:55] Koshinori
    You call yourself a boy?
[13:57] ---
    You call yourself a samurai?!
[13:58] Kyubei
    But...I'm a girl...
[14:02] Koshinori
    You're not a girl!
[14:02] ---
    Except to a very select few in the Yagyu clan,
[14:04] ---
    You're a boy! A boy!
[14:05] ---
    we kept the fact that Kyubei was a girl a secret and raised her as a boy.
[14:05] Kyubei
    But Father...
[14:06] Koshinori
    Not "Father"!
[14:07] ---
    Call me "Papa"!
[14:09] ---
    Of course, we had no intention of actually turning her into a real man.
SIGN    [Become strong, Kyubei!]
SIGN    [You're a boy!]
[14:13] ---
    But in order for Kyubei to take over the Yagyu clan, she needed to be strong.
SIGN    [The Yagyu clan is on your shoulders!]
SIGN    [You call yourself a samurai?!]
SIGN    [Kyubei, become stronger!]
SIGN    [Boys don't cry!]
SIGN    [Don't think of yourself as a girl!]
SIGN    [Call me Papa!]
SIGN    [Gramps is against it!] [Quiet!] [Don't act so spoiled!] [I told you not to bring home junk!]
[14:23] Brat 4
    Sissy!
[14:24] ---
    Girly boy!
[14:25] Brat 1
    This wuss is always crying.
[14:28] Brat
    Do you really have a ding-dong?
[14:30] Brat
    Let's take off his hakama and check!
[14:43] Kyubei
    At first, it may've been nothing more than admiration.
[14:47] Kyubei
    She was a girl, just like me, but she was so strong.
[14:55] Otae
    So what if you're small.
[14:57] ---
    If you're shorter than everyone else,
[14:59] ---
    you should become a samurai who has a bigger heart than everyone else.
[15:03] Kyubei
    Then, Tae-chan... If I become a strong samurai with a big heart,
[15:09] Kyubei
    will you be the balls between my legs?
[15:11] Otae
    That's impossible.
[15:13] ---
    Kyu-chan, you're a samurai, but you don't have any balls between your legs.
[15:17] Kyubei
    They'll grow in.
[15:19] ---
    Grandpa said so.
[15:21] Otae
    They won't grow in.
[15:22] ---
    But a kind of shrubbery will.
[15:25] Kyubei
    I'll go to Morocco to grow some!
[15:27] Otae
    If you grow some, let me see them, okay?
[15:30] Kyubei (M)
    She's a very strong girl...
[15:47] Kyubei (M)
    But eventually I realized... She was hiding something behind her smile.
[15:51] Subordinant
    Damn kid!
[15:54] Otae
    Shin-chan!
[15:57] Boss Inoue
    You're one smart-aleck kid who can't pay back the money you borrowed.
[16:02] Boss Inoue
    What do you say?
[16:04] ---
    Shall I sell you off to another planet?
[16:06] Boss Inoue
    Earthling kids learn new skills quickly, so we could sell him for a good price.
[16:12] Otae
    Stop it!
[16:13] ---
    Don't touch my brother!
[16:14] Boss Inoue
    Shut up!
[16:16] ---
    The two of you have no...
[16:17] Kyubei
    I wanted to protect her.
[16:21] Otae (M)
    Kyu-chan...
[16:29] Otae
    Kyu-chan...are you all right?
[16:33] Kyubei
    Tae-chan...
[16:35] Kyubei
    I...can never become a man, no matter what I do.
[16:41] ---
    But I'll...
[16:44] Kyubei
    become stronger than any man or woman, for you, Otae-chan...
[16:49] Kyubei
    and I'll protect you, I promise.
[16:54] Otae
    Forgive me, Kyu-chan... I'm so sorry...
[16:59] ---
    I will be your left eye.
[17:06] Kyubei
    We're attracted to each other by something that transcends gender-something more pure.
[17:11] Kyubei
    I will keep the promise I made long ago.
[17:14] ---
    I am the one who should be by Otae-chan's side.
[17:17] Binbokusai
    Otae-chan said it didn't bother her, but she probably felt she owed him.
[17:23] ---
    That can't be helped.
[17:26] Binbokusai
    Kyubei needs Otae-chan, and Otae-chan wants to support Kyubei.
[17:33] Binbokusai
    They may both be women, but they do share a kind of love.
[17:37] Kyubei
    You cannot defeat me because you're crippled by your own definitions of gender.
[17:43] ---
    Take this man.
[17:45] Kyubei
    He lost his edge the moment he realized I was a woman.
[17:48] Kyubei
    How can someone so weak-spirited protect what's important to him?
[17:52] Binbokusai
    They say the path of love is a rocky one,
[17:55] Binbokusai
    but the path those two tread is strewn with boulders.
[17:58] ---
    We're the ones who set them on that path.
[18:01] Binbokusai
    It's our job to see it through to the end.
[18:06] Shinpachi
    Don't go...
[18:07] Shinpachi
    mouthing off...
[18:08] Gintoki
    selfish...excuses!!
[18:12] Shinpachi
    "She was hiding something behind her smile"?!
[18:14] ---
    If you knew that...
[18:15] Shinpachi
    why can't you see she's hiding something from you right now?!
[18:19] Gintoki
    A kind of love?
[18:20] ---
    Don't go saying such sick things...
[18:22] Gintoki
    without even trying to understand how the other person feels!
[18:27] Shinpachi
    "An attraction that transcends gender," you say?!
[18:29] Gintoki
    I don't give a damn, you fool!
[18:33] Shinpachi
    Someone who makes his or her beloved cry...
[18:36] Gintoki
    isn't a man or a woman!!
[18:38] Shinpachi
    It's called a jerk!!
[18:38] Gintoki
    It's called a jerk!!
[18:39] Shinpachi
    Idiot!
[18:39] Gintoki
    Idiot!
[18:43] Shinpachi
    That's why I hate guys who can't get girls!
[18:45] ---
    Right, Gin-san?
[18:48] Gintoki
    Absolutely, Shinpachi-kun.
[18:51] Koshinori
    I won't let you sully the name of the Yagyu clan any further!
[18:56] Koshinori
    Get them!
[18:58] Kondo
    Outta my way!!
[19:01] Kondo
    I won't let you interfere with a duel between two men...er, a man and a woman...between samurai!
[19:05] ---
    I, Isao Gorilla, will not allow it!
[19:07] Otae
    Kondo-san!
[19:08] Okita
    Boss, I can only last five minutes max on one leg.
[19:11] Okita
    So please hurry it up!
[19:13] Hijikata
    Why am I your horse?!
[19:16] Kagura
    Big Sis, men are unreliable, so I came to help!
[19:23] Okita
    China girl!
[19:24] ---
    Don't steal my thunder!
[19:27] Koshinori
    There are only four of them! What's the problem?!
[19:31] Shinpachi
    I can't see...
[19:32] Gintoki
    Shinpachi!
[19:33] ---
    Open your eyes!
[19:36] Shinpachi
    Easy for you to say...
[19:43] Otae
    I want to go back...
[19:46] ---
    I...
[19:48] ---
    want to go back to everyone.
[19:56] Gintoki
    Don't move!
[20:01] Shinpachi
    Gin-san!
[20:04] Kyubei
    Funny isn't it, Shinpachi-kun?
[20:06] ---
    To think that you're the one holding back your team.
[20:10] Kyubei
    You must've known...that in the end, someone was going to rescue you.
[20:17] Kyubei
    That's why you took on a fight you had no chance of winning.
[20:21] Kyubei
    You've always been like that.
[20:24] ---
    You've always hidden behind others-protected.
[20:26] ---
    But you never try to understand the feelings of the people who are protecting you.
[20:30] Kyubei
    Do you know why Tae-chan developed that fake smile?
[20:35] ---
    It's because you are weak!
[20:38] Kyubei
    If I had been by Tae-chan's side, this would never have happened!
[20:45] Shinpachi
    Gin-san...
[20:51] Kyubei
    I'm the only one who can protect her.
[20:55] Gintoki
    Don't talk as if you know.
[21:01] Gintoki
    What do you know about this guy?!
[21:11] Gintoki
    I don't want to hear someone like you bad-mouthing...my friend!
[21:30] Gintoki
    Shinpachi!
[21:32] Binbokusai
    Your captain is finished.
[21:34] ---
    It's over.
[21:41] Gintoki
    Old man.
[21:44] Gintoki
    Your grandchild doesn't seem to realize that...
[21:46] Gintoki
    people have been protecting her, her whole life.
[21:56] Binbokusai
    Where's...
[21:58] Binbokusai
    your wooden sword?
[22:00] Gintoki
    Uh-oh...
[22:01] ---
    Where could it have gone?
[22:06] Binbokusai
    Kyubei?!
[22:13] Shinpachi
    Ahh...I finally found them.
[22:15] Gintoki
    Shinpachi.
[22:18] Shinpachi
    You can see clearly now, right?
[22:21] ---
    What you're fighting to protect?
[22:22] ---
    What's important?
[22:25] Shinpachi
    I can see just fine now!
SIGN    [The next episode...]
SIGN    [The final showdown]
[24:27] Shinpachi
    "A Woman's Best Make Up is Her Smile."
SIGN    [Who will emerge victorious? Will Otae marry, and leave everyone?]
SIGN    [Will Kondo and Princess Bubbles be wed? Next time: the climax of the Yagyu Arc!]