E150 - If You Can’t Beat Them, Join Them

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:35] Gintoki
    Good evening.
[00:36] Gintoki
    I'm Gintoki Sakata.
[00:38] Shinpachi
    I'm Shinpachi Shimura.
[00:40] Kagura
    I'm Kagura.
[00:42] Gintoki
    Well, I realize we just announced that the Gin Tama anime has been extended
[00:47] Gintoki
    for a fourth year on this program last month...
[00:49] Shinpachi
    I'm sure some of you are already aware that the company producing this anime, Sunrise Inc.,
[00:56] Shinpachi
    has suffered from the global economic crisis caused by last year's subprime lending problems in America,
[01:02] Shinpachi
    and just a few days ago...
[01:06] Kagura
    As a result, the company has decided that it is no longer feasible to produce this show.
[01:15] Gintoki
    And so, today will be the abrupt final episode of the Gin Tama anime.
SIGN    [Gin Tama - Finale]
[03:05] Shinpachi
    Uh, as mentioned at the beginning of the show, there has been a change in today's programming,
[03:12] Shinpachi
    and we will be showing an emergency special program entitled "Looking Back at the Gin Tama Anime."
[03:19] Gintoki
    We deeply apologize for changing the program from the original listing in the TV guide.
[03:29] Shinpachi
    Now that we suddenly find ourselves on the final episode...
[03:33] Shinpachi
    How do you feel, Kagura-san?
[03:35] Shinpachi
    When you look back at three years of the Gin Tama anime?
[03:39] Kagura
    I feel pretty empty right now.
[03:42] Kagura
    Everything seems so stupid.
[03:45] Kagura
    Just last month, we were all excited about a having fourth year and how to buy time.
[03:53] Kagura
    And after all that talk about not having budget,
[03:55] Kagura
    and not caring about sales, look at us now.
[03:59] Kagura
    Like a bunch of idiots.
[04:02] Kagura
    I never expected it to end this way...
[04:08] Shinpachi
    Kagura-san...
[04:09] Shinpachi
    You're right.
[04:12] Shinpachi
    We got carried away because of decent DVD sales.
[04:17] Shinpachi
    When the decision was made to announce that we would be entering the final stage of the show,
[04:22] Shinpachi
    there was a flood of phone calls and letters.
[04:24] Shinpachi
    It was a circus at TV Tokyo and Sunrise.
[04:27] Shinpachi
    The people in charge were like, "Man, it was hard to cope with that," and smiled,
[04:34] Shinpachi
    but their eyes weren't smiling.
[04:36] Gintoki
    Well, it's too late to do anything.
[04:38] Gintoki
    I never expected Sunrise to end up like this.
[04:41] Gintoki
    Nobody could have predicted this.
[04:43] Gintoki
    We managed to survive low ratings, a new time slot, complaints,
[04:47] Gintoki
    and many other factors which threatened the end,
[04:49] Gintoki
    but this is how it goes when it's finally over.
[04:52] Kagura
    That's right.
SIGN    [Note: Space Battleship Yamato and Mobile Suit Gundam]
[04:54] Kagura
    Famous series like "Space Ba*******" and "Mobile S***" were also cut short.
[05:01] Gintoki
    Yes.
[05:02] Gintoki
    And now we join those great works.
[05:05] Gintoki
    Let's be positive.
[05:07] Gintoki
    So here's the final episode.
[05:10] Gintoki
    We can't change what's already been settled.
[05:12] Gintoki
    There's no point in whining about it.
[05:15] Kagura
    We will now show the original final episode that would have been shown at the end of the fourth year.
[05:22] Shinpachi
    Please enjoy yourself.
[05:25] Gintoki
    And now we present the final episode of the Gin Tama anime.
SIGN    ["All's Well That Ends Well."]
[06:11] Takasugi
    Yo, Gintoki...
[06:14] Takasugi
    Our long relationship
[06:18] Takasugi
    ends here.
[06:22] Gintoki
    Takasugi, you bastard...
[06:25] Takasugi
    Allow me to end
[06:28] Takasugi
    the long nightmare you've been having.
[06:35] Takasugi
    Didn't I tell you, Gintoki?
[06:37] Takasugi
    I simply destroy.
[06:43] Takasugi
    ...Everything!
[06:52] Shinpachi
    Gin-san!
[07:12] Kagura
    Afterwards, all kinds of things happened and everything was finally settled.
[07:17] Kagura
    No matter what anyone else might say, things were settled.
[07:21] Kagura
    And today is the day Shinpachi is leaving on his journey.
[07:25] Kagura
    Shinpachi!
[07:27] Shinpachi
    Kagura-chan.
[07:29] Otae
    Oh, she's finally here.
[07:31] Otae
    You're late, Kagura-chan.
[07:33] Kagura
    Sorry about that.
[07:35] Kagura
    I had to go buy this.
[07:37] Shinpachi
    What is this?
[07:38] Kagura
    Pickled seaweed.
[07:39] Kagura
    They won't sell this where you're going.
[07:42] Shinpachi
    Pickled seaweed...
[07:44] Shinpachi
    Thanks, Kagura-chan!
[07:47] Kagura
    Huh? Where's Gin-chan?
[07:49] Otose
    He's nowhere to be found.
[07:52] Otose
    Who knows what he's doing?
[07:54] Catherine
    It's almost departure time.
[07:57] Kondo
    That stupid Odd Jobs man picked a great day to go missing...
[08:00] Shinpachi
    It's fine.
[08:02] Shinpachi
    Gin-san already told me everything he has to say.
[08:09] Shinpachi
    Yes, not using words...
[08:13] Shinpachi
    But with his broad shoulders.
[08:18] Shinpachi
    Gin-san...
[08:20] Shinpachi
    I understood every single word you were trying to say.
[08:26] Shinpachi
    Which is why I'll be able to move forward on my own.
[08:31] Shinpachi
    Gin-san, I'm going now.
[08:34] Shinpachi
    With the spirit of a samurai in my heart...
[08:41] Kagura
    Gin-chan never showed up.
[08:47] Kondo
    No, that's not true.
[08:53] Otose
    Honestly, he never changes...
[08:57] Otose
    that guy...
[09:00] Shinpachi
    Gin-san!
[09:04] Shinpachi
    G-Gin-san...
[09:08] Gintoki
    Shinpachi!
[09:09] Gintoki
    These are the last words I have for you!
[09:18] Gintoki
    Shinpachi...
[09:20] Gintoki
    You're... a XXX.
[09:26] Gintoki
    Okay?
[09:34] Shinpachi
    Gin-san...
[09:38] Shinpachi
    I have no idea what you said.
SIGN    
[09:44] Shinpachi
    Hey, wait!
[09:46] Shinpachi
    What is this?!
[09:47] Shinpachi
    What is this mess?!
[09:48] Shinpachi
    Who's going to accept a final episode like this?!
[09:50] Kagura
    Feels like they just glossed over the important stuff and dragged out the pointless stuff.
[09:54] Gintoki
    It can't be helped!
[09:56] Gintoki
    The original work's still running, so the anime can't make stuff up.
[10:01] Gintoki
    Grown-ups have their own circumstances to deal with.
[10:03] Gintoki
    Everybody, this is what you're going to get from the final episode of a show
[10:06] Gintoki
    based on something that's still running!
[10:08] Shinpachi
    Don't be so blunt about it!
[10:10] Shinpachi
    Hey!
[10:11] Shinpachi
    The final episode felt pretty good until we hit the commercial break,
[10:14] Shinpachi
    so do a proper job of it!
[10:16] Kagura
    Seriously.
[10:17] Kagura
    Shinpachi had so much screen time it was pissing me off.
[10:19] Shinpachi
    Wait, there wasn't anything wrong with that.
[10:22] Gintoki
    Fine, I get it.
[10:24] Gintoki
    We just have to redo it, right?
[10:26] Gintoki
    Then we'll start over from the top.
[10:28] Gintoki
    Take it away, big guy.
[10:29] Shinpachi
    And now we present the final episode of the Gin Tama anime...
[10:33] Kagura
    One more time...
[10:35] Gintoki
    Here we are.
SIGN    ["All's Well That Ends Well" - Alt]
[10:55] Takasugi
    Didn't I tell you, Gintoki?
[10:58] Takasugi
    I simply destroy.
[11:02] Takasugi
    Over and over again!
[11:04] Gintoki
    Takasugi, you bastard!
[11:12] Shinpachi
    Gin-san!
[11:34] Shinpachi
    Why did this happen...?
[11:37] Shinpachi
    Gin-san.
[11:39] Shinpachi
    Kagura-chan!
[11:47] Shinpachi
    Gin-san...
[11:51] Shinpachi
    Kagura-chan.
[11:54] Shinpachi
    Katsura-san, Elizabeth!
[11:57] Shinpachi
    Okita-san! Hijikata-san! Kondo-san!
[11:59] Shinpachi
    Hasegawa-san!
[12:02] Shinpachi
    It can't be... It can't be...
[12:13] Shinpachi
    Why...?
[12:14] Shinpachi
    Why did this happen...?
[12:16] Shinpachi
    This wasn't the end I wanted.
[12:20] Shinpachi
    I just wanted to follow in my father's footsteps and restart his dojo.
[12:25] Shinpachi
    I just wanted to become a strong samurai.
[12:29] Otae
    But you're the one who chose to follow Gin-san, Shin-chan.
[12:33] Katsura
    To be a samurai, one must seek death.
[12:37] Hijikata
    You're regretting it now because you weren't ready to die.
[12:42] Otose
    You should just give up on that half-assed dream.
[12:47] Okita
    Nothing to say, so pass.
[12:48] Kondo
    Shinpachi-kun.
[12:50] Kondo
    As long as you're Otae-san's little brother, you're a strong samurai in my eyes.
[12:54] Hasegawa
    A DORK like me has managed to survive this long.
[12:58] Hasegawa
    Things will work out.
[12:59] Kagura
    Don't worry.
[13:01] Kagura
    After all these years, the audience has already forgotten about the dojo thing
[13:03] Kagura
    and everything else that was part of your original background.
[13:06] Shinpachi
    Is it really okay?
[13:08] Shinpachi
    If I forget my original purpose, won't I just be a straight man with glasses?
[13:13] Otsu
    You idiot! You're popular enough.
SIGN    [Note: First part is a famous scene from Neon Genesis Evangelion and the second part is the Japanese title for Diff'rent Strokes]
[13:16] Otsu
    You really shined when you were cheering me on.
[13:21] Otsu
    Your character stood out!
[13:23] Shinpachi
    I see.
[13:24] Shinpachi
    It's okay...
[13:25] Shinpachi
    I don't have to be a samurai.
[13:29] Shinpachi
    I have Otsu-chan!
[13:35] Otae
    Congratulations.
[13:37] Katsura
    Congratulations.
[13:38] Hijikata
    Congratulations.
[13:40] Catherine
    Congrazz.
[13:41] Otose
    Congratulations.
[13:43] Okita
    Congratulations.
[13:44] Kondo
    Congratulations.
[13:46] Hasegawa
    Congratulations.
[13:47] Kagura
    Congratulations.
[13:49] Gintoki
    Grats.
[13:53] Shinpachi
    Thank you!
SIGN    [Thank you, Otsu]
SIGN    [Goodbye, Gintoki]
SIGN    [And to all the Shinpachis (Lame Four-eyes)]
SIGN    [Congratulapoop. (Note: Otsu phrase = Congratulations + Corn Poop)]
[14:05] Shinpachi
    That was a blatant rip-off!
[14:07] Gintoki
    Huh? Of what?
[14:08] Shinpachi
    Don't you "of what", me!
[14:09] Shinpachi
    This is, you know...
[14:10] Shinpachi
    Obviously a straight copy of E**!
SIGN    [Note: Last episode of Neon Genesis Evangelion TV series]
[14:12] Gintoki
    Really?
[14:13] Shinpachi
    Really, my ass!
[14:14] Gintoki
    If we end it like this, you can say that the real last episode will be in the form of a movie,
[14:18] Gintoki
    and we'll have another business opportunity.
[14:21] Shinpachi
    How desperate are you?!
[14:23] Shinpachi
    Do you have no shame or respect?!
[14:24] Kagura
    Gin-chan, Shinpachi still had so much screen time it was pissing me off.
[14:29] Shinpachi
    Well, that can't be helped...
[14:30] Kagura
    And so, this would be a better final episode.
[14:33] Kagura
    Start.
SIGN    ["All's Well that Ends Well" - Alt Ver.2]
[14:48] Shinpachi
    Gin-san!
SIGN    
[14:56] Hasegawa
    Here's your order.
[14:58] Hasegawa
    How are you feeling?
[15:01] Katsura
    I still haven't fully recovered from the injuries from that battle.
[15:04] Katsura
    It'll be a while before I'm back to top form.
[15:07] Hasegawa
    I see.
[15:08] Katsura
    But I'm relieved.
[15:10] Katsura
    Elizabeth was able to survive by becoming a cyborg.
[15:16] Hasegawa
    Before we knew it, it's already been quite a while.
[15:20] Okita
    I wonder what that guy's doing now.
[15:23] Hijikata
    Don't mention him, Sogo.
[15:27] Kondo
    Knowing him, he probably hasn't changed.
[15:31] Hasegawa
    His dream was to fly around the world.
[15:35] Katsura
    He can do it.
[15:58] Gintoki
    Come on.
[15:59] Gintoki
    Here I go, Shinpachi...
SIGN    [Death]
[16:05] Shinpachi
    That's creepy!
[16:06] Shinpachi
    It's supposed to say Fin or End!
[16:08] Shinpachi
    What the hell is death supposed to mean?!
[16:09] Shinpachi
    And what was with that final episode?!
[16:11] Shinpachi
    You just wanted to kill me, didn't you?!
[16:13] Kagura
    How did you know?
[16:14] Shinpachi
    It's damn obvious when you look at the lame story!
[16:16] Shinpachi
    I refuse to accept that as the final episode!
[16:19] Shinpachi
    Then the real final episode will be this one!
SIGN    [The Real - "All's Well That Ends Well." - Alt Ver.2]
[16:31] Takasugi
    Like I said...
[16:33] Takasugi
    I destroy over and over again...
[16:40] Kagura
    This is bad!
[16:41] Kagura
    At this rate, everyone will...!
[16:42] Kagura
    We have to...
[16:43] Kagura
    We have to do something!
[16:45] Kagura
    Pachie!
[16:48] Pachie
    What do I do?
[16:49] Pachie
    I can save everyone if I use that power...
[16:52] Pachie
    But I...
[16:55] Papa
    Do you understand, Pachina?
[16:57] Papa
    If any humans find out that you're a witch,
[17:01] Papa
    you will never be allowed to return to the human world.
[17:07] Pachi
    But... But!
[17:10] Pachi
    I'm the only one who can save everyone!
[17:17] Shinpachi
    Magical Yun Yun Pachina!
[17:20] Shinpachi
    I'll use my Lame Four-eyes Power to make the world a peaceful place!
[17:41] Gintoki
    What the hell is this?!
[17:47] Gintoki
    Takasugi...?
[17:49] Gintoki
    What's with that getup?
[17:56] Pachie
    I'm sorry.
[17:58] Pachie
    I can no longer be with everyone.
[18:01] Gintoki
    No, that's not what I...
[18:03] Pachie
    Even if we live in different worlds, we'll always be friends!
[18:07] Gintoki
    Hey! Listen to me!
[18:08] Pachie
    Goodbye!
[18:13] Pachie
    Buh-bye.
SIGN    [Bye-bye]
[18:18] Gintoki
    Hey!
[18:19] Gintoki
    If you're the funny man, this'll never end!
[18:22] Kagura
    For real!
[18:23] Kagura
    Now you're just a lame four-eyes who's lost his identity as a straight man!
[18:26] Shinpachi
    Who cares?!
[18:27] Shinpachi
    Isn't this the final episode?!
[18:29] Shinpachi
    So what if I play dumb?!
[18:33] Jump
    Uh, excuse me.
[18:36] Jump
    Uh, can I have a moment?
[18:41] Jump
    Hey!
[18:42] Jump
    You, stop ignoring me!
[18:49] Gintoki
    Wh-What?!
[18:51] Jump
    I've been standing here listening to y'all for a while now...
[18:55] Jump
    Today's the final episode of the Gin Tama anime?
[18:59] Jump
    Who gave you permission to say that?
[19:02] Gintoki
    You're...
[19:03] Shinpachi
    That face is...
[19:04] Kagura
    The famous...
[19:07] All
    Thing from JUMP!
[19:10] Jump
    I'll ask you one more time.
[19:12] Jump
    Who gave you permission to make this the final episode?
[19:16] Gintoki
    Well...
[19:17] Gintoki
    It can't be helped.
[19:19] Gintoki
    After what happened to Sunrise...
[19:21] Jump
    Don't lie to me!
[19:23] Jump
    I know the truth.
[19:24] Jump
    You're running out of original material to work with,
[19:27] Jump
    so you're going to force the broadcast to end while the manga goes on.
[19:32] Jump
    That's the plan, right?
[19:34] Jump
    This guy coughed up the whole story.
[19:37] Gintoki
    Elizabeth!
[19:39] Gintoki
    I mean, the supervisor!
[19:40] Elizabeth
    Sorry, they found out.
[19:43] Jump
    Now look here.
[19:45] Jump
    This fake final episode that came out of your scheme to end the show
[19:49] Jump
    is not something grown adults should be broadcasting over the air!
[19:53] Gintoki
    But isn't it okay now?
[19:55] Gintoki
    We've worked hard for three years.
[19:57] Kagura
    We've still got the Mito Komon plan where we're off half the year.
[20:01] Shinpachi
    With the current budget, the fourth year will be hard to pull off, you know?
[20:05] Kagura
    That's right.
[20:07] Kagura
    Why don't we start rebroadcasting popular episodes next week?
[20:11] Kagura
    If you change the opening and ending, nobody will notice!
[20:14] Gintoki
    That sounds good.
[20:15] Gintoki
    And we'll be able to stock up on budget and original material!
[20:23] Elizabeth
    Ouch.
[20:25] Jump
    Well?
[20:26] Jump
    Are you going to do the fourth year next week?
[20:29] Jump
    Or not?
[20:41] Gintoki
    Shinpachi!
[20:43] Shinpachi
    Yes!
[20:44] Gintoki
    Kagura!
[20:46] Kagura
    Oh, yeah!
[20:48] Gintoki
    Let's go!
[20:49] Gintoki
    Our journey has only begun!
[20:54] Shinpachi
    Wait, now this actually feels like the final episode.
SIGN    [To be continued a little longer]
SIGN    ["If You Can't Beat Them, Join Them." - Fin]
SIGN    [Thanks for all your support over these three years.]
SIGN    [We look forward to entertaining you for another year.]
SIGN    [-From the Entire Staff.]
SIGN    
[24:10] Kagura
    And so, the final stage of the fourth season will begin next week!
[24:15] Shinpachi
    Give up already!
[24:15] Shinpachi
    Nobody believes you anymore!
[24:17] Shinpachi
    And it's the final stage before it's even started?!
[24:19] Gintoki
    The next episode...
[24:19] Gintoki
    "A conversation with a barber during a haircut is the most pointless thing in the world."
SIGN    [Gin-san decides to let a barber shop cut his hair for some reason...]
SIGN    [And that's how we kick off the fourth season of the Gin Tama anime!! Who ever thought we'd make it this far?!]
SIGN    [See you next time!]