E21 - If You Go to Sleep With the Fan On, You’ll Get a Stomachache, So Be Careful
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN [Ebina-san lived in the pond. He kept his promise forever.]
SIGN [The evil land shark Ibaraki family plots to turn the pond into a golf course.]
SIGN ["If You're a Man, Try the Swordfish!"]
[01:45] Shinpachi
Hooked one!
[01:47] Shinpachi
Oh! It's definitely a big one.
[01:50] Shinpachi
You're not getting away.
[01:56] Shinpachi
What's this?
[01:58] Shinpachi
Since the Amanto came, the Earth's ecosystem has gotten so...weird.
[02:02] Gintoki
Never mind that. Put it in the bucket.
[02:04] Shinpachi
What?! You're going to eat this?!
[02:06] Gintoki
Of course I am.
[02:08] ---
Anko's tasty and Natto's tasty, right?
[02:10] ---
The more grotesque it looks, the better it tastes when you eat it.
[02:12] Gintoki
Even an ugly a woman always has one or two good points.
[02:15] Kagura
Gin-chan, Gin-chan!
[02:17] Kagura
I caught a huge one. Look, look!
[02:20] Ebina
Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!
[02:23] ---
Huh? Maybe it doesn't hurt?
[02:25] ---
No, it does hurt! Ow-ow-ow!
[02:27] Kagura
Say, can we eat it, too?
[02:34] Kagura
My dinner!
[02:36] Gintoki
Forget what you saw just now, okay?
[02:38] Shinpachi
Gin-san, wasn't that a kappa?
SIGN [Kappa, A.K.A. water imp, a mythical water creature]
[02:41] Gintoki
No such thing.
[02:43] ---
It was just, you know, a regular bald old dude who lives in the pond.
[02:46] Shinpachi
Just the fact that he lives in the pond makes him not a "regular old dude."
[02:48] ---
And besides, he was green.
[02:50] Gintoki
That's because...You know...He's got an alcohol addiction.
[02:54] Shinpachi
Nobody'd drink sake if alcohol did that to them!!
[02:58] Ebina
You bastards broke my glasses, dammit!
[03:02] ---
Call your parents! I'm making them pay for this!
[03:06] Shinpachi
It's alive!
[03:09] Shinpachi
Come back here, you guys!
[03:11] Ebina
You're not getting away! Tell me your names and addresses!
[03:23] Ebina
Look, if you had apologized at the start, I wouldn't be so angry.
[03:27] Ebina
If you do something wrong, the right thing to do is to apologize.
[03:30] ---
Am I wrong? Why did you run?
[03:33] Gintoki
Well, because you're a kappa.
[03:35] Ebina
A kappa? What's that? Don't try to trick me by talking nonsense!
[03:40] Kagura
You're the one who's making the least sense!
[03:42] Ebina
What is it about me that doesn't make sense? Tell me, young girl!
[03:45] ---
And don't call me "you." Call me Ebina-san.
[03:48] Shinpachi
We're sorry, Ebina-san.
[03:50] ---
I'll break my glasses, too, so please forgive us.
[03:55] Ebina
Good. That was a fine apology, son.
[03:57] ---
Have a biscuit as a reward.
[03:59] Shinpachi
No thanks, you beast!
[04:02] Ebina
Well, it's a good thing it was only my glasses that broke.
[04:04] Ebina
If it had been my dish that broke, this old man would have lost it.
[04:08] ---
I'd have beaten you all to a pulp.
[04:13] Omittedebina
Understand this: nobody lays a finger on this dish.
[04:19] Shinpachi
The dish broke!
[04:21] Gintoki
Oh man! The dish broke!
[04:23] ---
I don't know what's so awful about it, though.
[04:25] Ibaraki
Oh, I'm so sorry.
[04:27] Ibaraki
I was practicing my golf swing when it just slipped out of my hands!
[04:30] Ibaraki
This is why I told you to leave this place.
[04:33] ---
This isn't your home. This is my property.
[04:36] Ibaraki
Because I bought this entire area...
[04:40] Ebina
Shut up!
[04:41] ---
I've been living here since back when you were still in your father's jewels!
[04:45] ---
Why should I have to leave?!
[04:47] ---
Stop staring at me! It's embarrassing!
[04:50] Ebina
No cameras please. Really.
[04:52] Shinpachi
He's gotten a bit shy after his dish cracked.
[04:54] ---
What's with that dish, anyway?
[04:56] Ibaraki
I plan to build a huge golf course on this land.
[05:00] ---
And this pond is in the way!
[05:02] Ibaraki
I'll find you another pond where you can live, so would you please just leave?
[05:07] Ebina
That's not the issue!
[05:12] Ebina
This pond doesn't belong only to me.
[05:15] ---
It's also her...
[05:17] Ibaraki
I don't really understand you, pal.
[05:19] Ibaraki
But if you're going to cause me any more trouble, you'd better be prepared for what's coming.
[05:23] ---
You never know when the next golf ball is gonna come flying at you.
[05:35] Kagura
There, it's fixed, old man.
[05:39] Ebina
Huh?! Did you hear a cracking noise?
[05:41] Shinpachi
It's just your imagination.
[05:43] Gintoki
Old man, if you're going to move, we'll help.
[05:46] Ebina
It's none of your business, fool!
[05:52] Ebina
Look over there.
[05:54] Ebina
See that odd-looking island?
[05:56] ---
That's the spaceship I rode here on a long time ago.
[05:59] Shinpachi
Ebina-san, you're an Amanto?
[06:02] Ebina
Our species can't live without clean water.
[06:06] ---
Long ago, our planet lost all its water in a catastrophic natural disaster.
[06:11] ---
We set out to find a new home.
[06:14] Ebina
I found my way to this water planet, Earth.
[06:20] Ebina
I was shocked to find such a lovely planet.
[06:25] ---
At the time, there were hardly any Amanto,
[06:27] Ebina
so I felt as though I had this jewel all to myself.
[06:32] Ebina
But earthlings only saw me as a monster.
[06:37] Ebina
I was persecuted and forced to return to this pond to live in solitude.
[06:45] Ebina
But you know, you only feel alive when you're connected to other people.
[06:52] ---
I found a safe place to live...But it was like being dead.
[06:56] Ebina
Until I met her, that is...
[07:02] Ebina
She appeared one day along the pond bank.
[07:05] ---
She didn't do anything; she just stared out at the water.
[07:09] Ebina
At first, I hid from her, but after a while it just seemed silly.
[07:15] Ebina
You there, why do you always just sit there?
[07:18] Ebina
The girl looked at me, and was a bit surprised, but...
[07:21] Girl
I'm lonely and bored in my bedroom, so I thought, "why not be alone out here?"
[07:28] Girl
But there are two of us now.
[07:31] Ebina
The girl had a sickness in her lungs.
[07:34] Ebin A
A contagious disease.
[07:36] ---
She snuck out of the room where she was kept isolated because no one wanted to be near her.
[07:42] Ebina
She didn't care who I was; she just wanted someone to talk to.
[07:46] ---
And so did I.
[07:49] Ebina
Ever since then, the only time I really felt alive was when I was talking with her.
[07:54] ---
We talked about silly things, but it was fun.
[08:03] Girl
You're lucky, mister.
[08:05] Ebina
How so?
[08:06] Girl
You can swim free in such lovely water.
[08:10] Girl
I've been frail since childhood, so I've never been able to swim.
[08:16] Girl
Just once, I wish I could swim freely...
[08:20] Girl
In that clear world...
[08:25] Ebina
Strengthen your body.
[08:27] Girl
That's impossible. I've been like this all my life.
[08:30] Ebina
Silly girl! Life is long.
[08:33] ---
I'll protect this place until you're strong and healthy.
[08:37] ---
I'll keep it just as beautiful as it is now.
[08:39] Ebina
So, hurry up and get well.
[08:44] Girl
All right. It's a promise, mister.
[08:48] Ebina
You bet.
[09:03] Gintoki
A promise? But that was decades ago.
[09:07] Shinpachi
Perhaps. But...
[09:09] Shinpachi
The ship he came on looks like it's been there a long time.
[09:12] Shinpachi
One thing's for sure, that girl is long...
[09:15] Gintoki
This borders on the insane. I can't go along with this.
[09:26] Ibaraki
Okay! Everything ready? Get to it.
[09:29] Nojima
Right.
[09:31] Ibaraki
I've just about had it with that rotten kappa.
[09:35] ---
I'm going to bury the entire lake in dirt.
[09:37] Onishi
But are you sure it's okay? What about the kappa's curse?
[09:41] Ibaraki
You idiot!
[09:42] ---
There's no kappa! That's just an Amanto.
[09:47] Nojima
Man, why do we have to do this in the dead of night?
[09:51] Nojima
What's going on? It stopped...
[09:56] Kagura
I'm Saburo, the kappa. Got a cucumber, mister?
[10:02] Worker A
What's going on with Nojima?
[10:04] Worker A
Hey, what's going on?
[10:06] ---
Did the bulldozer snag your jewels or something?!
[10:10] Shinpachi
It is I, Kappa Jiro!
[10:16] Ibaraki
What's with all that screaming?
[10:18] ---
Did your jewels get caught in the bulldozer or something?
[10:21] ---
Onishi! Take a look at...
[10:25] Ibaraki
Onishi...?
[10:32] Ibaraki
Wh-Who're you?
[10:34] Gintoki
I have come from Lake Toya in Ezo.
[10:36] Gintoki
I am the eldest of the three kappa brothers, Kappa Taro.
[10:39] Gintoki
Leave this property right now, or the kappa's curse will...
[10:44] Ibaraki
No...not that!
[10:46] ---
Kappa, what do you want? Cucumbers, right?
[10:49] ---
Tell me what you want! I don't have much hair, but I have plenty of money!
[10:52] Gintoki
What we like? Let's see...
[10:57] Gintoki
Sweets, and guys who take things to extremes, I guess.
[11:04] Ebina
What? You guys are back?
[11:06] Gintoki
I heard...
[11:08] ---
Seems this land was put up for sale.
[11:10] ---
After this, I think you'll be okay for a while.
[11:12] Ebina
Oh, looks like some real kappa appeared.
[11:16] Gintoki
Now that's scary.
[11:18] Ebina
Could it be? You...
[11:22] Gintoki
Oh!
[11:24] Gintoki
So there are beautiful fish like that that living in this pond?
[11:28] ---
Ha-ha. They sure seem to be having a ball!
[11:40] Shinpachi
462.
[11:42] Gintoki
What's that?
[11:44] Shinpachi
The number of people who collapsed this summer from heatstroke.
[11:48] Gintoki
Are you serious?
[11:49] Shinpachi
Gin-san, let's buy an air conditioner after all.
[11:52] ---
This year's intense heat is too much to get by with just a senpuki.
SIGN [Senpuki = a Japanese electric fan. ]
[11:55] Gintoki
Don't be ridiculous. Where are we going to find that kind of money?
[11:59] Gintoki
If you have the time to condition our air, learn how to condition your mind.
[12:04] ---
Suppress your mind to a state of nothingness and even the south pole can be as cool as the north pole.
[12:07] Shinpachi
Gin-san, just so you know,
[12:09] Shinpachi
they call it the "south" pole, but that doesn't mean it's always summer there.
[12:13] Gintoki
Huh? I know that.
[12:15] Gintoki
There's no way the south pole is an endless summer paradise.
[12:18] ---
What I'm trying to say is that even if you suppress your mind to a state of nothingness...
[12:21] ---
Huh? That doesn't change anything, does it?
[12:23] Shinpachi
How embarrassing!
[12:24] ---
You contradicted your own argument just to cover up your error!
[12:27] ---
You're awful! So much for our argument!
[12:30] Gintoki
In the first place, try going out on a day like this.
[12:32] ---
You'll collapse before you can buy an air conditioner.
[12:34] ---
On a day like this, the best thing to do is lay around the house doing nothing.
[12:38] Shinpachi
Our only hope is the senpuki...
[12:42] ---
Let's all use it with care.
SIGN ["If You Go to Sleep with the Fan On You'll Get a Stomachache, So Be Careful"]
[13:01] Gintoki
I can't stand it! What's hot is hot even if I suppress my mind to a state of nothingness.
[13:06] Gintoki
Why do I have to go and buy a senpuki on a hot day like this?
[13:10] ---
What a pain in the ass.
[13:11] Gintoki
This sucks. Maybe I'll switch and buy an air conditioner instead.
[13:14] ---
What do you say, old man? Should I upgrade to an air conditioner?
[13:18] Man A
Huh? Well, I don't see why not.
[13:21] Gintoki
That won't do!
[13:22] ---
Where am I going to find the money to buy an air conditioner?!
[13:24] ---
Mind your own business!
[13:25] Gintoki
Why do I have to get totally sweaty to go and buy a machine that makes me cooler?
[13:31] Gintoki
It's like digging for buried gold with buried gold.
[13:34] ---
Like drinking before drinking.
[13:36] Gintoki
When the next senpuki arrives, I'm going to ignore it.
[13:39] ---
For three days and three nights, I'm going to let it blow against the wall.
[13:42] ---
This really ticks me off. Should I really buy an air conditioner?
[13:44] ---
But I don't have any money.
SIGN [Tsukamoto Electric]
[13:47] Clerk A
Huh? A senpuki?
[13:49] Clerk A
I'm sorry, we don't have anything like that.
[13:52] ---
These days, people use air conditioners, you know?
[13:54] Clerk A
How about it, mister?
[13:55] ---
Why not use this opportunity to upgrade to an air conditioner?
[13:57] ---
I'll make it cheap.
[13:58] Gintoki
You mean that? Okay, then. Uh...
SIGN [1000 yen or roughly $10 USD]
[14:01] Gintoki
Can you sell me one for this much?
[14:04] Clerk A
Come one, come all! It's our big summer sale!
[14:06] Gintoki
Huh? Mister?
[14:07] ---
That's strange. He won't make eye contact with me anymore.
[14:10] ---
Mister!
SIGN [Nawa Electric]
[14:14] Clerk B
A senpuki? Nope, nope. Maybe you should try an antique shop?
[14:21] Clerk C
What? You're using a senpuki in this day and age?!
[14:25] ---
Isn't that dangerous? What are you some kind of throwback?
[14:30] Takamatsu
A senpuki?
[14:31] Takamatsu
Ow-ow-ow-ow! What're you doing?! I haven't said anything yet!
[14:35] Gintoki
Shut up! You probably don't have one anyway. I know that.
[14:38] ---
I did some research...at the back alley shops.
[14:42] Gintoki
Grrr, this is really pissing me off!
[14:45] Gintoki
Even that beautiful blue sky ticks me off! And it's so blue!
[14:48] Gintoki
Why am I soaking with sweat and passed around from store to store just to buy a measly senpuki?!
[14:52] ---
Hey, mister, can I go home now? Can I go home already?
[14:56] Man B
Huh? I guess it's okay to go home.
[14:59] Gintoki
I can't do that! I feel like I've been through a sauna!
[15:02] ---
You don't know a thing!
Don't talk like you do!
[15:05] Gintoki
Damn. This is wrong, so wrong.
[15:08] ---
I'm here to buy a senpuki. I came to cool off!
[15:11] Gintoki
But I'm just getting hotter and hotter!
[15:13] Gintoki
It ticks me off!
[15:15] ---
I really should've gotten an air conditioner!
But I don't' have the money.
SIGN [Recycled Goods Shop: Earth Defense Army Base]
[15:29] Woman
My, it's unusual to have a samurai customer. Welcome.
[15:34] Gintoki
A senpuki...You have a senpuki, don't you? Get me one!
[15:42] Woman
A senpuki...How nostalgic.
[15:46] Woman
Where did you hear about it?
[15:49] Gintoki
Never mind, hurry and get one for me!
[15:51] Woman
Now hold on. You're the first customer who's come this far.
[15:56] ---
At least tell me your name.
[15:58] Gintoki
What? Is that for a receipt? Just write "customer."
[16:01] Woman
Customer? That's a fine name.
[16:05] Woman
I'll be seeing you, then, Customer!
[16:07] Gintoki
Whoa!
[16:08] Gintoki
Wh-Wha-What'd you do that for, you freak!
[16:10] ---
I want to speak with your manager.
Call the manager!
[16:13] Woman
Let go of me! I'll never let an evil syndicate like yours have a senpuki!
[16:17] Gintoki
What nonsense are you talking about?
[16:19] ---
Calm down. Maybe you're mistaking me for a thief?
[16:22] Gintoki
I just came to buy a senpuki.
[16:27] Gintoki
Hey! What's the matter...?!
[16:28] ---
Blood?!
[16:29] ---
Manager! Call the manager!
[16:33] Leader
Found it at last.
[16:34] Leader
The sewer rat's nest.
[16:37] Leader
We didn't think anyone other than that woman survived.
[16:42] Leader
But your luck just ran out today,
Earth Defense Army.
[16:48] Gintoki
What? Are you talking to me?
Earth Defen...Say what?
[16:52] Leader
Don't play dumb, damn you! You're a remnant of the Earth Defense Army!
[16:56] Gintoki
Earth Defense...?
[16:58] ---
I did once build a bookshelf from milk cartons to be nice to the Earth, but...
[17:02] Leader
Don't give me that! Hand over that senpuki right now!
[17:05] Gintoki
I get it, you're here to buy a senpuki, too?
[17:08] ---
Is there a retro boom going on or something?
[17:11] ---
I didn't know they were such a fad.
No wonder I can't buy one.
[17:15] Woman
I'm not letting...
[17:17] Woman
anyone have the senpuki...
[17:19] Woman
I'll never let you have it!
[17:23] Leader
Th-This is...a grena...
[17:37] Gintoki
Why...does this have to happen to me?
[17:40] ---
All I did was come to buy a senpuki.
[17:44] Woman
I don't know who you are, but you don't seem to be a bad person.
[17:49] Gintoki
I told you, I just came to buy a senpuki.
[17:52] Woman
I'd rather give it to you than hand it over to those guys.
[17:56] ---
Will you take care of this for me?
[17:58] Gintoki
Hey, are you listening? I said I only came to buy a senpuki.
SIGN Recycled Goods Shop:
Earth Defense Army Base
SIGN Street
SIGN Liquor Store
SIGN Here
[18:02] Woman
The senpuki is sealed at that address.
[18:05] Woman
I want you to go there and destroy the senpuki.
[18:08] Gintoki
You're telling someone who came to buy a senpuki, to destroy it?!
[18:11] Woman
It's an evil machine that destroys human souls.
[18:14] ---
It's not something people should be allowed to have.
[18:17] Gintoki
What do you mean?
[18:18] ---
Are you talking about how your hand gets caught if you stick it in?
[18:21] ---
That does hurt. Everyone does that at least once.
[18:23] Woman
My father was one of the top mechanical engineers in Edo.
[18:27] Woman
People sought his skills and made my father build that thing.
[18:31] Woman
But it was the last machine my father ever built.
[18:35] ---
I managed to retrieve the senpuki from those men, but I was unable to destroy it this whole time.
[18:40] ---
All because I was weak.
[18:42] Woman
If that falls into their hands, it's all over.
So please, take that senpuki and...
[18:48] Woman
Hurry and go now!
[18:49] Gintoki
But...
[18:51] Woman
Save Edo...and the Earth!
[18:55] Gintoki
I keep telling you, I only came here to buy a senpuki!
[19:03] Gintoki
Something's wrong. Very wrong!
[19:06] Gintoki
I came to buy a senpuki! So why is this happening to me?!
[19:10] Leader
Stop!
[19:11] Gintoki
Hey, old man! Why is this happening to me?!
[19:14] ---
What's going on? Tell me!
[19:16] Old Man C
Huh? I don't know.
[19:17] Gintoki
I don't know, either! Moron!
[19:20] Gintoki
Go to hell!
[19:22] Gintoki
I've come too far to turn back now!!
[19:26] Gintoki
The senpuki...
[19:29] Gintoki
is mine!
[19:34] Leader
Wh-What?! Who is that guy?!
[19:37] Leader
Was there such a monster in the Earth Defense Army?!
[19:40] Leader
After him! Don't let him get away!
[19:42] ---
We must get the senpuki at any cost!
[19:50] Gintoki
What is this place? There's nothing but junk.
[19:54] Gintoki
The senpuki... Where's the senpuki?!
[19:57] Gintoki
What? This huge storefront cat give me the creeps.
[20:04] Gintoki
Upsa. And... down...
[20:12] Gintoki
Are these...
[20:13] Gintoki
gold coins?
[20:16] Leader
Surprised, are you?
[20:18] Leader
This was built by the brilliant mechanical engineering prodigy, Juttoku.
[20:21] Leader
It's the robotic gold-coin counterfeiting machine no. 3.
[20:23] Leader
In other words, this is a machine that gives a reward to all of you
[20:28] Leader
who worked to make the syndicate rich by minting counterfeit coins just as it planned.
[20:32] ---
We call it senpuki, for short!
[20:35] Leader
Thank you for showing us the way here.
[20:39] Leader
Now hand over the senpuki! You'll do it if you value your comrade's life!
[20:44] Woman
Never mind me! Quickly destroy it!
[20:48] Gintoki
Where's the part that spins?
[20:50] Leader
What?
[20:51] Gintoki
I mean, not like this, but the part that whirs around...
[20:56] ---
I'm asking you where that is!
[21:02] Leader
What have you done?!
[21:04] ---
The senpuki... Do you have any idea what that's worth...?
[21:08] Gintoki
Giving it such a confusing name!
I'll phone the JARO on you bastards.
SIGN [JARO = Japan Advertisement Review Organization]
[21:13] ---
I'm soaking with sweat... I've had to work so hard...and even trashed my mo-ped.
[21:19] Leader
Curse you... Damned Earth Defense Army! You won't get away with this!
[21:23] ---
Now that it's come to this, I'll use my greatest secret weapon to put an end to you.
[21:28] Gintoki
This thing...
[21:30] Gintoki
I knew I should've bought an air conditioner.
[21:32] ---
Air conditioners are the way of the future.
[21:35] Gintoki
Oh yeah, I don't have any money.
[21:39] Leader
Die!
[21:40] Leader?
What?!
[21:42] Gintoki
You...bastard!
[22:03] Woman
Wait!
[22:05] Woman
Thank you.
[22:06] ---
You are a hero who saved Edo.
[22:10] ---
I don't have much, but, but I do have an air conditioner at home.
[22:16] Gintoki
I don't want an air conditioner.
[22:19] Gintoki
Like I said from the beginning, I...
[22:22] Gintoki
Well, you know.
[22:24] Gintoki
It took blood and guts to get this senpuki, you see.
[22:28] Gintoki
Look at this brilliant luster.
[22:31] Shinpachi
Doesn't that look a little filthy?
[22:34] Gintoki
That's because your eyes are a little filthy, Shinpachi-kun.
[22:37] ---
Now this time, use it with care so you don't break it.
[22:40] Shinpachi
No, you were the one who broke it.
[22:42] Gintoki
What? What?
[22:44] Gintoki
What? That's odd. It won't turn on.
[22:47] Shinpachi
You! I'll bet you picked that up from the dump!
[22:50] ---
You made up that story.
[22:52] ---
There's no Earth Defense Army.
Your story was too long!
[22:55] Kagura
Liar! You big, fat liar!
[22:58] ---
What did you use the money you brought with you for? Pachinko?!
[23:01] Gintoki
Ow-ow.
[23:01] ---
Just a minute! It really is the truth!
[23:03] ---
I destroyed an evil organization!
[23:05] Gintoki
I really did save the world!
SIGN [To Customer, from Earth Defense Army]
SIGN [The next episode: "Marriage Is Prolonging an Illusion for Your Whole Life"]
SIGN [Female ninja, Assassin Sachan, makes her appearance! Her charm points are her glasses and natto.]
SIGN [Does Gin-chan finally decide to get married? He'd better pay his respects to his future father-in-law.]
[24:50] ---
Ibaraki! Stop going to the Cabaret club so often!
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