E221 - Jugem
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:31] A
Hey, did you hear?
[01:33] A
There was a messenger from the shogun.
SIGN Yagyu Dojo
[01:36] A
It seems that the shogun wishes for the Yagyu to take custody of a key man.
[01:42] B
It must be someone of Tokugawa blood.
[01:46] B
If not, it will surely be someone from a noble family.
[01:50] B
The Yagyu used to be responsible for providing instruction to the shogun.
[01:54] B
It will be an honor to train alongside a relative of the shogun.
[01:58] B
Still, I wonder who it's supposed to be.
[02:04] Papa
I'm sure that you've heard the rumors.
[02:06] Papa
The shogun has requested that we take custody of a key man.
SIGN Celebrity Life
[02:14] Papa
We are supposed to drill him in the teachings of the Yagyu
[02:16] Papa
and raise him to become a proper celebrity.
[02:19] Papa
And so...
[02:20] Papa
I want to put you in charge of his upbringing.
[02:24] Papa
As you know, my father, Binbokusai Yagyu
[02:26] Papa
once instructed the shogun's father in the art of the sword.
[02:32] Papa
Now it is your turn.
[02:34] Papa
You will stay with our guest at all times,
[02:37] Papa
while training him to become a warrior and keeping him safe.
[02:41] Papa
Can I count on you?
[02:42] Kyubei
Understood.
[02:44] Kyubei
I, Kyubei, swear to fulfill my duty to the Yagyu...
[02:47] Kyubei
No, to fulfill my duty to the shogun, Father.
[02:50] Papa
Yes, an excellent response.
[02:52] Papa
But...
[02:54] Papa
It's not Father, it's Papa!
[02:55] Papa
Or Daddy if you insist!
[02:57] Papa
You must act like a celebrity!
SIGN Celebrity Life
[03:00] Kyubei
I-I'm sorry, Papa!
[03:03] Papa
Listen, you will be teaching him more than how to use a sword.
[03:06] Papa
You must teach him to behave like a celebrity,
[03:08] Papa
to live the celebrity life!
[03:10] Papa
If anything happens to him,
[03:12] ---
seppuku will only be the beginning of our punishment.
[03:14] Papa
Protect him with all of your might and
[03:16] ---
raise him to become a worthy celebrity!
[03:18] Papa
Failure will not be allowed.
[03:20] Kyubei
Yes, sir.
[03:22] Papa
Then Kyubei, you must introduce yourself.
[03:26] Kyubei
Introduce myself?
[03:28] Kyubei
To who?
[03:29] Papa
What are you talking about?
[03:31] Papa
He's right there.
[03:37] Kyubei
Papa, this is...
[03:40] Papa
A key-mon.
SIGN Jugem
[03:50] Gin
What's this?
[03:51] Gin
Are we supposed to laugh?
[03:52] Gin
Will you spare us if we laugh?
[03:54] Shin
So what is going on here, Kyubei-san?
[03:56] Kyubei
The shogun bought his younger sister a monkey as a pet,
[04:00] Kyubei
and this is that monkey's son.
[04:02] Kyubei
However, this monkey is a mischievous prankster who refuses to listen.
[04:07] Kyubei
The retainers were at their wits' end,
[04:09] ---
so they decided to assign its training
[04:12] Kyubei
to the Yagyu.
[04:14] Gin
So they're passing along the hard work.
[04:17] Gin
The former instructors of the shogun have
[04:19] ---
been reduced to monkey tamers.
[04:21] Gin
The prosperous must decay, huh?
[04:26] Gin
This stinks! What is it?!
[04:28] Kyubei
Be careful.
[04:29] Kyubei
The second this guy senses that someone is insulting him,
[04:30] Kyubei
he launches poop as fast as Eastwood.
[04:33] Kyubei
He has the pride of a celebrity, at least.
[04:36] Gin
Where would you find a celebrity that throws shit around?!
[04:38] Gin
Roppongi Hills?!
[04:39] Otae
Kyu-chan, Gin-san is right.
[04:41] Otae
The shogun's retainers just wanted to be rid of it.
[04:44] ---
They won't come back for it.
[04:46] Kyubei
That may be the case, but an order is an order.
[04:48] Kyubei
I must obey.
[04:50] Shin
You're going to keep on looking after this key-mon?
[04:53] Kyubei
He may be naughty, but he's learned how to apologize.
[04:56] Kyubei
Now apologize.
[04:59] Shin
He threw poop while he was apologizing.
[05:01] Shin
He looks as guilty as a regular shoplifter who's gotten caught again.
[05:04] Kyubei
Now that he's my responsibility,
[05:06] Kyubei
I intend to raise him into a celebrity monkey who
[05:08] ---
can stand with the best of them.
[05:10] Kyubei
But there's one problem.
[05:12] Kyubei
This monkey doesn't have a name yet.
[05:16] Kyubei
They intended to give him to one of the shogun's relatives,
[05:19] Kyubei
so they were going to leave the naming to them.
[05:23] Kyubei
But that idea fell through, so he has no name.
[05:26] Kyubei
Since I'll be taking care of him, it would help if he had a name.
[05:30] Kyubei
I would prefer a lucky name that he can be proud of
[05:33] Kyubei
once he returns to the shogun's family.
[05:35] Gin
It doesn't matter what you name a monkey.
[05:37] Gin
How's Monkiki sound?
[05:39] Kyubei
He doesn't like it.
[05:40] Gin
Hey! He doesn't know how to express himself without using shit?!
[05:43] Gin
And how much shit is he packing?!
[05:46] Kyubei
Plain old Monkey would be better than Monkiki
[05:49] Kyubei
since the name change hurt his popularity.
[05:50] Shin
Who are you talking about?
[05:52] Otae
A lucky name?
[05:54] Otae
How about Jugem?
[05:56] Shin
What's that?
[05:57] Otae
It's a way of wishing for someone to have a long life.
SIGN Jugem
[06:02] Kyubei
Oh, he likes it, Tae-chan.
[06:03] Gin
What the hell?
[06:04] Gin
He still throws shit when he agrees?
[06:06] Gin
And why am I always the target?
[06:07] Gin
I have a feeling he just doesn't like me.
[06:10] Gin
Let's call him Shit-Tosser!
[06:12] Kyubei
If it brings luck, it'll work.
[06:15] Shin
It'll bring a lot more than luck. That's for sure.
[06:18] Shin
The name's not subtle enough.
[06:20] Shin
We should try for something that's more fluid.
[06:22] Kagura
Runny Diarrhea?
[06:24] Shin
That's not what I meant!
[06:25] Shin
I didn't mean that the poop should be more fluid!
[06:27] Shin
I was saying that we should try for a name
[06:28] ---
that flows better and isn't so obvious!
[06:30] Gin
Hey! Now he's throwing shit that's more fluid!
[06:32] Gin
Do something about this!
[06:34] Otae
Isn't so obvious...
[06:35] Otae
Oh, then...
[06:37] Otae
How about Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear?
[06:39] Shin
They were dirty?!
[06:41] Shin
Why are you telling everybody this?!
[06:44] Kagura
That would be mean.
[06:46] Kagura
Let's just name him Shinpachi's Sorry Life.
[06:49] Shin
Now you're making it sound like I'm covered in shit!
[06:53] Gin
Hey! Enough already!
[06:55] Gin
I'm the one who's covered in shit!
[06:57] Kyubei
I see.
[06:58] Kyubei
Then let's go with Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life of
[07:01] Kyubei
Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear Runny Diarrhea.
[07:05] Shin
That's long!
[07:06] Shin
Why did you combine them all?!
[07:08] Kyubei
Well, everybody was helping me brainstorm.
[07:11] Kyubei
And it can't hurt to have too many lucky names.
[07:14] Shin
None of those are lucky names!
[07:15] Shin
Most of them involve poop in one form or another!
[07:17] Kyubei
However, this name may be lucky, but it lacks class.
[07:21] Kyubei
We should try to make his name something that is more socially acceptable.
[07:24] Shin
You want to keep going?!
[07:25] Shin
It'll be damn hard to turn that into something socially acceptable!
[07:27] Shin
It'd be like turning the last boss into the hero!
[07:30] Shin
That Runny Diarrhea part will be the hardest to spin!
[07:33] Shin
You don't have any chance of finding a hero
[07:36] ---
that can add class to that name!
SIGN Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear Runny Diarrhea
[07:38] Shin
We'll need a really cool name to make it work!
[07:40] Kagura
How about Balmung Fezalion?
[07:43] Shin
That's so juvenile!
[07:45] Shin
This is supposed to be the name of a monkey!
[07:47] Kagura
Balmung Fezalion.
[07:49] Kagura
Also known as the Black Wind.
[07:50] Kagura
Captain of the Fakinaway dark knights.
[07:52] Kagura
He is normally a composed person,
[07:54] Kagura
but when his comrades are in trouble,
[07:56] Kagura
he loses sight of his surroundings and goes berserk.
[07:57] Kagura
A minus.
[07:58] Kagura
His dreaded enemy, the Demon Emperor Runny Diarrhea, is his father.
[08:01] Kagura
A third eye appears on his forehead when his true powers awaken.
[08:04] Kagura
Later became the Brutal Emperor Kaiser Fakinaway.
[08:06] Shin
Who are you talking about?!
[08:07] Shin
Nobody's asked to...
[08:09] Kagura
His ultimate attack is Dark Fakinaway.
[08:11] Kagura
It only works when his third eye is open.
[08:13] Kagura
Hell Fakinaway.
[08:14] Kagura
It only works when it's that time.
[08:16] Shin
Why are there commands for his ultimate attacks?!
[08:18] Shin
And when is that time?!
[08:20] Otae
He sounds pretty cool,
[08:21] ---
but he seems to be depending too much on Fakinaway.
[08:24] Shin
Uh, that has nothing to do with his name!
[08:27] Otae
And it's not very lucky to rely on the powers of darkness.
[08:32] Shin
Nobody's using any powers of darkness!
[08:34] Shin
They don't exist!
[08:35] Otae
How does this sound?
[08:38] Otae
Issac Schneider.
[08:40] Otae
Also known as the Prince of Light.
[08:41] Otae
Balmung's younger twin brother.
[08:43] Otae
While his brother was abandoned at young age,
[08:45] ---
Issac was able to live in comfort.
[08:46] Otae
He realizes his father's dark intentions
[08:48] Otae
and achieves peace with Balmung after the Ragnarok Shepherd War.
[08:52] Otae
Then they form a band, which is now known as B'z.
[08:54] Shin
Now known as B'z, my ass!
[08:56] Shin
Stop lying through your teeth!
[08:58] Shin
Why would they ignore their father's evil and start a band?!
[09:01] Otae
Special card ability:
[09:03] Otae
Bad Communication.
[09:04] Otae
Return all opponent's attack cards to their hands.
[09:06] Otae
My selfish love won't let met me hurt you.
[09:09] Otae
My selfish love destroys all cards that aren't Matsumoto.
[09:12] Shin
Hey!
[09:13] Shin
Is this supposed to be a card game or a fighting game?!
[09:16] Kagura
You're awesome, boss lady!
[09:17] Kagura
You've helped to turn Balmung back to the side of light!
[09:20] Shin
Are you sure?!
[09:21] Shin
Are you sure she didn't just turn him into a band member?!
[09:23] Kyubei
Yes, the threat of Runny Diarrhea has been avoided.
[09:26] Shin
The hell it has!
[09:27] Shin
They ignored it!
[09:28] Shin
They ignored it and started B'z instead!
[09:31] Kyubei
Okay, time to get serious.
[09:33] Kyubei
What should we try next?
[09:34] Shin
You still want to continue?
[09:36] Shin
His name is too long already.
[09:38] Otae
Yes, let's try...
[09:41] Kyubei
Okay, finished.
[09:43] Kyubei
Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
[09:45] Kyubei
Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[09:48] Kyubei
Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[09:50] Kyubei
1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[09:54] Kyubei
Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[09:57] Kyubei
Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[10:00] Kyubei
This Is a Different Dogfish, I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark
[10:02] Kyubei
Kaluga Angler Ray
[10:03] Kyubei
Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe
[10:08] Kyubei
Runny Diarrhea.
[10:09] Shin
That's frickin' long!
[10:10] Shin
And it turned into a game of Shiritori halfway through!
[10:13] Shin
And look at the last part!
[10:15] Shin
That's just a Spell of Resurrection!
[10:17] Shin
What happened to all that talk about class?
[10:20] Kyubei
A true name represents the name of your soul.
[10:22] Kyubei
If someone were to learn your true name,
[10:23] ---
they would have free reign over your soul.
[10:26] Kyubei
But since your name is this long,
[10:27] ---
nobody will be able to profane your soul.
[10:30] Kyubei
Isn't that wonderful,
[10:31] Kyubei
Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
[10:33] Kyubei
Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[10:36] Kyubei
Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[10:38] Kyubei
1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[10:42] Kyubei
Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[10:45] Kyubei
Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[10:48] Kyubei
This Is a Different Dogfish, I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark
[10:50] Kyubei
Kaluga Angler Ray
[10:51] Kyubei
Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe
[10:55] Kyubei
Runny Diarrhea.
[10:56] Shin
It's frickin' long!
[10:57] Shin
It's obviously too frickin' long!
[10:58] Shin
You just ate up thirty seconds!
[11:00] Otae
The road ahead will be tough, so hang in there.
[11:03] Otae
Let her take good care of you,
[11:04] Otae
Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing
[11:06] Otae
the Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[11:08] Otae
Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider 1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail...
[11:12] Shin
Enough! Enough already!
[11:13] Shin
You don't have to say his entire name!
[11:16] Kagura
Don't spend all your time throwing poop around,
[11:18] Kagura
Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
[11:20] Kagura
Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[11:22] Kagura
Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider 1/3...
[11:24] Shin
Hey! Cut that out!
[11:26] Shin
We aren't going to get anywhere like this!
[11:28] Shin
And you guys have really good memories!
[11:29] Kyubei
Thank you, everyone.
[11:31] Kyubei
I will raise him to be a celebrity monkey!
[11:34] Kyubei
Let's go, Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life...
[11:36] Shin
Leave already!
[11:38] Shin
Please leave already!
[11:40] Shin
W-Was it really such a good idea
[11:42] ---
to give him that long-ass name?
[11:45] Otae
I'm sure that Kyu-chan will be fine with
[11:47] Otae
Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
[11:48] Otae
Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[11:50] Otae
Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[11:52] Otae
1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[11:56] Otae
Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[11:59] Otae
Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[12:01] Shin
Enough!
SIGN Otae-chan Love
[14:19] Tojo
They're incredibly close.
[14:21] Tojo
She treats him like her own little brother.
[14:26] Tojo
Dammit!
[14:29] Tojo
How could I, Ayumu Tojo, be foolish enough to let a monkey one-up me?!
[14:33] Tojo
Before he came, I was always the one at my lady's side!
[14:37] Gin
More like you were always watching her from the shadows.
[14:39] Tojo
I was the one meant to rest upon her shoulder like a chirping bird!
[14:43] Gin
More like you were meant to rest in a soapland.
[14:46] Tojo
My only refuge is in the corner
[14:47] ---
of the loft next to a sliding shower curtain ring!
[14:50] Tojo
I'm like a leftover sliding shower curtain ring!
[14:53] Tojo
The curtain has no room for me!
[14:55] Tojo
But when it slides left or right, I still get pushed along!
[14:57] Tojo
Sliding between the dojo and the loft!
[14:59] Tojo
I'm like a sliding ring that slides until it dies!
[15:03] Tojo
I'm sliding!
[15:04] Tojo
But it's a slidin' shame!
[15:06] Tojo
'Cause I slide!
[15:07] Gin
Enough with the slidin' already!
[15:09] Gin
Why did you come here?!
[15:12] Gin
Nothing's changed at all!
[15:14] Gin
Go slide yourself off in a soapland!
[15:16] Shin
That's right.
[15:17] Shin
How can you be jealous of a monkey?
[15:20] Shin
And this is a good experience for Kyubei-san.
[15:24] Shin
You were the one who wanted her to act more like a girl.
[15:27] Kagura
That's right! Kyu-chan's never looked like this before!
[15:31] Tojo
Shut up!
[15:32] Tojo
What would you know?!
[15:35] Tojo
In that case, tell me this!
[15:37] Tojo
A monkey's ass looks cute in anime,
[15:41] Tojo
but in real life, it's all rough and gross!
[15:44] Tojo
It's damn sick!
[15:46] Shin
What is he even talking about?
[15:48] Tojo
When I think about how that filthy ass
[15:50] ---
has been rubbing up against the lady's shoulder,
[15:52] Tojo
I just... I just...
[15:55] Tojo
Feel so jealous.
[15:57] Gin
Hey, Kagura. Make his ass all rough and gross.
[16:01] Tojo
That hurts!
[16:03] Tojo
Hey, this isn't funny!
[16:05] Tojo
I'm sorry! Forgive me!
[16:06] Tojo
Not there!
[16:08] Tojo
Regardless, I long to turn that monkey into monkey soup.
[16:12] Tojo
However, he is a member of the shogun's family.
[16:15] Tojo
I can not lay a finger on him.
[16:17] Tojo
It pains me to admit this, but the monkey may
[16:19] ---
be having a positive effect on the lady.
[16:22] Tojo
But I haven't told her this yet...
[16:26] Tojo
I have bad news for her.
[16:28] Tojo
Though it's good news for me.
[16:31] Tojo
The shogun's family has requested the return of the monkey.
[16:36] Tojo
You heard that the monkey was supposed to be a gift to a relative, right?
[16:42] Tojo
Apparently, they've heard that the monkey has been trained,
[16:48] Tojo
so they have requested that the monkey be gifted to them.
[16:53] Kagura
I-It's not fair to ask for him now!
[16:55] Kagura
They're the ones who didn't want him!
[16:57] Tojo
But we knew this from the beginning.
[17:00] Tojo
They requested that we train the unruly beast.
[17:02] Shin
But Kyubei-san will be...
[17:04] Tojo
I wouldn't have been worried about the lady before.
[17:08] Tojo
But now that she's grown so attached to that monkey...
[17:12] Tojo
I beg you!
[17:13] Tojo
Could you please break this news to the lady?!
[17:17] Kagura
Huh?! How can you even ask such a thing?!
[17:20] Tojo
Because!
[17:21] Tojo
She'll hate me if I'm the one who tells her!
[17:23] Tojo
Lords Binbokusai and Koshinori are so mean!
[17:26] Tojo
They always give me the tough jobs!
[17:28] Tojo
If I tell her to return the monkey, she'll stop talking to me again!
[17:40] Kyubei
I see...
[17:42] Kyubei
They want their monkey back...
[17:45] Tojo
L-Lady...?
[17:47] Shin
Kyubei-san...
[17:52] Kyubei
I am relieved.
[17:53] Kyubei
I was able to fulfill my duty.
[17:57] Tojo
Huh?
[17:58] Kyubei
Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
SIGN Fast Forward
[18:00] Kyubei
Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[18:02] Kyubei
Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[18:04] Kyubei
1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[18:07] Kyubei
Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[18:09] Kyubei
Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[18:12] Kyubei
This Is a Different Dogfish, I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark
[18:13] Kyubei
Kaluga Angler Ray
[18:13] Kyubei
Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe
[18:15] Kyubei
Runny Diarrhea will no longer cause trouble for anyone.
[18:19] Shin
Uh, that long-ass name could cause a lot of trouble.
[18:23] Kyubei
I've taught him to throw his poop into a toilet instead of at people.
[18:29] Gin
You might wanna teach him that I'm not a toilet.
[18:32] Kagura
But Kyu-chan, are you okay with parting with him?
[18:36] Kyubei
I don't see what the problem is.
[18:38] Kyubei
That was the job.
[18:40] Kyubei
I am his teacher, not his owner.
[18:45] Kyubei
My duty is to return him to the shogun once he's trained.
[18:56] Kyubei
This will be our last night together, but I can't let you sleep with me.
[19:01] Kyubei
Tomorrow, you'll be sleeping somewhere else.
[19:06] Kyubei
You need to get used to it.
[19:08] Kyubei
A celebrity samurai must be able to fall asleep in any location.
[19:20] Kyubei
Well, good night.
[19:29] Kagura
But they didn't even want him!
[19:32] Kagura
And now they change their minds?!
[19:34] Kagura
And you gave him a wonderful name and took such good care of him!
[19:39] Kagura
I'm sure that he'll miss you.
[19:44] Kyubei
I am simply following my orders from the Bakufu.
[19:49] Kyubei
I do not feel any particular affection for this monkey.
[19:59] Kyubei
Quiet. Go to sleep.
[20:04] Kyubei
Quiet.
[21:00] Kyubei
You don't need to feel sad.
[21:02] Kyubei
It doesn't matter if we're separated by a screen...
[21:06] Kyubei
Doesn't matter how far apart we are...
[21:10] Kyubei
I'll always be by your side,
[21:16] Kyubei
Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life of
[21:20] Kyubei
Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[21:23] Kyubei
Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[21:26] Kyubei
1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[21:30] Kyubei
Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[21:33] Kyubei
Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[21:36] Kyubei
This Is a Different Dogfish, I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark
[21:40] Kyubei
Kaluga Angler Ray
[21:40] Kyubei
Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe
[21:44] Kyubei
Runny Diarrhea.
SIGN His name is so long that we'll have to continue this in the next episode.
SIGN Next Episode
[23:21] Tojo
D-Damn it all!
[23:22] Tojo
After that monkey toyed with the lady's feelings, he ran away!
[23:26] Tojo
How dare he abuse her kindness!
[23:28] Tojo
I'm so jealous!
[23:30] Kyubei
Shut up.
[23:30] Tojo
Yes, ma'am!
SIGN The Name Reveals the Person
[23:31] Kyubei
Next time:
[23:32] Kyubei
The name reveals the person.
[23:33] ---
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