E265 - Dog Food Doesn't Have As Much Flavor As You'd Think

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Dog Food Doesn't Have As Much Flavor As You'd Think
[01:41] Gin
    What's that look for?
[01:43] Gin
    Got a problem?
[01:45] Gin
    If it's not enough, eat the meatballs
    on the bottoms of your feet.
SIGN    meatball (paw pads)
SIGN    Sorry, Sadaharu.
[01:49] Kag
    You'll have to make do with this today.
[01:51] Kag
    Odd Jobs is going through
    a food shortage right now.
[01:54] Kag
    We're all starving.
[01:58] Kag
    That's a good boy.
[02:00] Kag
    Gin-chan, Sadaharu understands.
[02:02] Gin
    Good.
[02:03] Gin
    Then the three of us can split this.
[02:07] Both
    Thanks.
[02:10] Shin
    What the hell?!
[02:12] Shin
    Don't you have any human dignity?!
[02:15] Shin
    You shouldn't steal food from your
    pet, no matter how hungry you are!
[02:17] Shin
    You should be ashamed!
[02:19] Gin
    Can you blame us?
[02:20] Gin
    It's been ages since
    we last had a client,
[02:22] Gin
    so we don't have a single
    grain of rice left.
[02:26] Gin
    The situation's so grim
[02:27] ---
    that we may go from eating dog
    food to eating the dog for food.
[02:30] Shin
    Eating the dog for food?!
[02:31] Shin
    You're moving from pissing off the
    PTA to pissing off PETA now?!
[02:35] Gin
    What's that about PETA?
[02:37] Gin
    Does the PTA eat PETA?
[02:39] Kag
    The PTA only eats up
    teachers with an attitude.
[02:42] Shin
    That's completely different!
[02:44] Gin
    Quit your bitching.
[02:45] Gin
    Whose fault do you think this is?
[02:49] Gin
    It's because of this large animal
    that eats a lot and never works,
[02:53] Gin
    and the glasses boy who just
    wears glasses and never works.
[02:57] Shin
    Hey! You've crossed the line now!
[02:59] Shin
    Apologize! Apologize to my glasses!
[03:01] Gin
    Seriously, you should
    try to understand
[03:04] ---
    how hard it is for me to
    take care of you all.
[03:07] Gin
    Hey, you're sporting some
    yummy-looking wings.
[03:10] Shin
    They're not wings!
    They're greasy glasses!
[03:13] Shin
    And they're not greasy!
[03:14] Kag
    You're wearing shellfish to be fashionable?!
[03:17] Kag
    Are you supposed to be Takeda Kumiko?!
[03:18] Shin
    Wait!
[03:19] Shin
    These people are so hungry
    that they're hallucinating!
[03:22] Kag
    Hand that over!
[03:23] Shin
    Hey, what are you doing?!
[03:25] Shin
    Those are my glasses!
[03:26] Shin
    You can't eat them!
[03:27] Shin
    Hey!
[03:28] Shin
    Why are you grilling them?!
[03:31] Gin
    You should try to understand how hard
    it is for me to take care of you all.
SIGN    Please take me home.
[05:08] Gin
    Enough already!
[05:10] Gin
    Egg on rice again?!
[05:12] Gin
    Why do you waste food like this?!
[05:15] Kag
    What food? The fridge was empty.
[05:18] Gin
    Your head is empty!
[05:20] Kag
    Sadaharu puts up with the meager
    servings of cheap food we give him.
[05:24] Kag
    Shut up and eat.
[05:26] Gin
    Ah, is that so?
[05:27] Gin
    Here you go then.
[05:28] Kag
    Gin-chan! Sadaharu isn't
    your garbage disposal!
[05:31] Kag
    And there's no food left
    if you refuse to eat that.
[05:34] Gin
    Sorry, but unlike the rest
    of you, I'm a gourmet.
[05:38] Gin
    You animals can have your pet food.
[06:18] A
    I-It's so cute!
[06:21] A
    What is this?!
[06:22] A
    Where did you find it, Captain Okita?!
[06:25] Kon
    Hold on, Sogo...
[06:26] Kon
    Isn't that the Odd Jobs dog?
[06:29] Oki
    I don't know if he was
    dumped or if he ran away,
[06:31] ---
    but he was urinating in the streets.
[06:32] Kon
    Uh, so why did you bring him here?
[06:35] Oki
    Oh, you remember how we screwed up
[06:37] ---
    the last time we tried to boost
    our image with a mascot?
[06:39] Oki
    We should give it another try.
[06:41] Oki
    We can make some money by dumping him
[06:44] ---
    and Hijikata-san at the South Pole
[06:46] Oki
    and making the one who
    returns alive our mascot.
[06:47] Hiji
    That wouldn't be a mascot!
    It'd be a scum-cot!
[06:51] Hiji
    Give me a break.
[06:52] Hiji
    We don't need any symbols
    of weakness like mascots.
[06:56] Hiji
    Besides, we already have a
    mascot in Kondo-san, you fool.
[06:59] B
    He's no mascot! He's a shit-cot!
[07:01] Kon
    Who was that?! Who
    called me Ridley Scott?!
[07:04] Kon
    Thank you!
[07:04] Hiji
    Nobody had anything
    nice to say about you.
[07:06] Hiji
    And why do we have to take
    in their used goods?
[07:10] Hiji
    He'll interfere with our work.
[07:11] Hiji
    Get rid of him.
[07:12] A
    Vice-Chief, are you telling us to
    throw out this adorable creature?!
[07:15] Hiji
    Adorable, my ass.
[07:17] ---
    I'll have you all commit seppuku
    for failing as warriors.
[07:19] A
    Then you throw it out!
[07:20] Hiji
    Fine, you fools.
[07:30] Hiji
    Kondo-san...
[07:31] Hiji
    I just remembered that we
    don't have any police dogs.
[07:33] A
    You commit seppuku!
[07:34] Hiji
    Shut up!
[07:35] Hiji
    I'm just saying that
    we need police dogs!
[07:37] Hiji
    There's nothing adorable
    about this furball!
[07:40] Hiji
    First, we'll run some tests to
    see if it's qualified enough!
[07:43] Hiji
    And I won't go easy on dogs, dammit!
[07:46] Hiji
    Listen up! Police dogs
    depend on their noses.
[07:49] Hiji
    They need to be able to sniff out
    suspects, drugs, and all kinds of stuff.
[07:54] Hiji
    So here's a test.
[07:55] Hiji
    Half-fat, quarter-fat,
    non-cholesterol, non-oil, mustard.
[08:00] Hiji
    Can you tell the difference?
[08:01] A
    They're all mayonnaise!
[08:04] A
    Hey, what are you planning on
    using these police dogs for?!
[08:05] A
    What kind of crime are
    you preparing for?!
[08:07] Hiji
    First, identify my favorite type.
[08:09] A
    Uh, nobody knows what you
    like! And nobody cares!
[08:12] Hiji
    Ah, the quarter-fat?
[08:14] Hiji
    An excellent choice.
[08:16] Hiji
    But right now, I'm in the
    mood for some non-oil.
[08:18] A
    Your preference changes?!
[08:20] Hiji
    But I like your taste.
[08:22] Hiji
    Here's your reward.
[08:24] Hiji
    Enjoy.
[08:24] A
    You just wanted to feed
    the dog mayonnaise!
[08:27] Hiji
    Don't be shy.
[08:29] Hiji
    Hurry up and eat.
[08:31] Hiji
    Hurry up.
[08:38] Sa
    Yes, there, there.
[08:40] Sa
    Honestly, I don't know what happened,
[08:43] Sa
    but you should probably make up soon.
[08:46] Sa
    I know.
[08:47] Sa
    Gin-san isn't the kind of person
    who would kick you out.
[08:51] Sa
    You probably left because he
    was being nasty as usual.
[08:56] Sa
    Unfortunately, I won't be
    able to keep you here.
[09:00] Sa
    You already have a home, after all.
[09:04] Sa
    But if you plan on making up soon,
    you can stay here until then.
[09:09] Sa
    I can't let Gin-san's precious
    pet die on the streets.
[09:17] Sa
    Stop, that tickles.
[09:19] Sa
    I envy you.
[09:21] Sa
    Do you do this with
    Gin-san all the time?
[09:23] Sa
    I wish I could have been
    born as Gin-san's pet.
[09:27] Sa
    Just kidding.
[09:29] Sa
    I'll go make something to eat.
[09:31] Sa
    You must be hungry.
[09:32] Sa
    Wait here.
[09:40] Sa
    The moment I've been waiting
    for has finally come!
[09:45] Sa
    This is my chance to
    become Gin-san's pet!
[09:48] Sa
    His white fur will be my wedding dress!
[09:53] Sa
    Hold on, Gin-san.
[09:54] Sa
    Your cute pet will be coming
    back to you soon.
[10:05] Zura
    Ah, I see.
[10:07] Zura
    It must have been difficult
    to have such a lazy owner.
[10:10] Zura
    But Sadaharu, I knew that
    you would wake up one day.
[10:14] Zura
    The spirit of the Joi burns within you.
[10:17] Zura
    I knew that it would guide
    you to your true leader.
[10:20] Zura
    That you would find me.
[10:22] Zura
    And that is why
[10:24] Zura
    I've been waiting here since
[10:26] ---
    that game of Kick the Can
    two months ago.
[10:28] Zura
    You can't have an episode about
    Master Shoyo without me.
[10:33] Zura
    I managed to adjust my
    schedule so I could squeeze in,
[10:36] Zura
    but I didn't expect this to take so long.
[10:39] Zura
    I'm an expert at hiding,
[10:41] Zura
    but it's been so long
[10:42] ---
    that I had to wonder if
    the game was already over.
[10:45] Zura
    If anyone had even noticed
    that I was playing...
[10:49] Zura
    I felt like crying for a moment.
[10:51] Zura
    Runaway Kotaro tried a
    little too hard there.
[10:55] Zura
    I caused everyone so much trouble.
[10:57] Zura
    Well, everyone's probably been
    worried and looking for me.
[11:00] Zura
    I should probably head back.
[11:05] Zura
    Crap...
[11:06] Zura
    After staying in this position for two
    months, my body is stiff as a rock!
[11:09] Zura
    Zabeth, call for a doctor!
[11:12] Zura
    How could this happen?
[11:14] Zura
    I don't think I can last long
    enough for sensei to arrive.
[11:16] Zura
    S-Sadaharu-kun...
[11:17] Zura
    I apologize.
[11:19] Zura
    I won't be able to keep my promise
    to become your owner.
[11:22] Zura
    And can you please relay a
    message when the doctor comes?
[11:25] Zura
    Tell him to charge any taxi or
    any other transportation costs
[11:30] Zura
    to sensei.
SIGN    Please take me home.
[12:02] Shin
    Did you see him around here?
[12:03] A
    Yeah, it was a really big dog,
    so it must have been him.
[12:06] A
    He was dragging a little puppy around.
[12:10] Kag
    Sadaharu...
[12:13] Kag
    Sadaharu, where are you?!
[12:16] Kag
    Say something if you're there!
[12:18] Kag
    Please come back!
[12:20] Kag
    Sadaharu!
[12:39] Shin
    What? Work?
[12:41] Gin
    Yeah, we finally have a client.
[12:43] Gin
    No more eating dog food.
[12:46] Shin
    Weren't you supposed to
    be looking for Sadaharu
[12:48] Shin
    instead of wasting time?
[12:50] Gin
    Wasting time? Want me to punch you?
[12:53] Shin
    Aren't you worried about him, Gin-san?
[12:55] Shin
    Sadaharu hasn't been home in two days.
[12:59] Shin
    He was starving when he left,
[13:01] Shin
    and we don't know if he's
    gotten anything to eat
[13:02] Shin
    Sadaharu!
[13:03] ---
    or if something's happened to him.
[13:05] Shin
    How can you expect us to work?
[13:05] Shin
    Come back, Sadaharu!
[13:08] Gin
    That's not good, Shinpachi-kun.
[13:09] Gin
    You're thinking like a NEET now.
[13:13] Gin
    Nothing's happened to him.
[13:15] Shin
    Huh?
[13:15] Gin
    He left because he
    couldn't get any food.
[13:19] Gin
    It's that simple.
[13:22] Gin
    An animal doesn't understand
    the concept of family.
[13:26] Gin
    Besides...
[13:28] Gin
    I'm not interested in keeping
    anyone around who isn't
[13:30] ---
    willing to share when times are tough.
[13:32] Gin
    Even if he's just an animal.
[13:34] Gin
    There you go.
[13:35] Gin
    If you like dog food, you can eat
    it for the rest of your life.
[13:38] Gin
    I'll go make some money and
    have a chocolate parfait.
[13:41] Shin
    W-Wait, Gin-san!
[13:44] Shin
    Gin-san!
SIGN    Edo Animal Hospital
[13:48] A
    It's a mononoke!
[13:49] A
    The dog god Moro has come
    to hunt down our patients!
[13:53] B
    Scram, mountain dog!
[13:54] B
    This is where humans live!
[13:56] B
    Mononoke should go back
    to the mountains!
[14:02] A
    It released something!
[14:04] B
    Be careful!
[14:04] B
    You'll die if you touch that stuff!
[14:21] Kag
    Sadaharu!
SIGN    1 Fourth St.
SIGN    1 Fourth St.
[14:46] Gin
    So the owner of this house is dead?
[14:49] B
    Yes, he died all alone.
[14:53] B
    He kept a lot of dogs, and there were
[14:55] B
    many complaints from the neighbors
    about the smell and noise.
[14:59] B
    There was a relative who liked
    dogs and visited occasionally,
[15:03] B
    but it appears that they grew distant.
[15:06] C
    And the number of dogs was declining.
[15:08] ---
    There was only one left when he died.
[15:12] C
    When the neighborhood association
    cleaned his place,
[15:13] ---
    she didn't know what to do
    with it, so she threw it out.
[15:16] D
    W-Well, it was a mutt, sick and
    frail, so nobody wanted it.
[15:22] C
    There have been rumors that
    he's been wandering around.
[15:26] C
    We've been receiving complaints
    from various pet owners.
[15:29] C
    They're worried it may
    get their pets sick.
[15:32] B
    So could you catch it and
    dispose of it for us?
[15:37] Gin
    Is that even necessary? It probably
    died already if it was sick.
[15:41] B
    I hope so, but if we wait for it to
    become a problem, it'll be too late.
[15:45] B
    If it's dying anyway, does it matter
    if it happens a little sooner?
[15:48] C
    Honestly...
[15:49] C
    That old man left us a
    big mess to clean up.
[15:55] A
    What's this huge dog?!
[15:59] Gin
    Hey, hey.
[16:01] Gin
    This stray's bigger than I was expecting.
[16:04] Gin
    It'll take some effort to dispose of it.
[16:07] Gin
    You know the puppy they're
    talking about, right?
[16:10] Gin
    If you turn it over,
    I'll let you come home.
[16:13] Gin
    The reward will buy us plenty of
    food, so everyone will be happy.
[16:17] Gin
    Do you see a problem?
[16:22] C
    Wait up!
[16:23] B
    Odd Jobs, catch that monster!
[16:27] B
    Why are you standing there?
    Hurry up already!
[16:35] Gin
    If you turn it over,
    I'll let you come home.
[17:02] Gin
    Then the three of us can split this.
[18:56] B
    It stinks!
[18:57] D
    What's going on?!
[18:58] D
    Who would do such a thing?!
[19:00] C
    So many fish...
[19:04] Gin
    It was our dog.
[19:06] Gin
    It looked like he was taking
    care of that puppy,
[19:09] Gin
    so I tampered with the
    food he was bringing it.
[19:13] Gin
    Look. See this?
[19:16] Gin
    My dog is very bright.
[19:18] Gin
    He fed the puppy poisoned
    food to do my job for me.
[19:26] Gin
    So can you pay up now?
[19:34] Gin
    Yo, you awake?
SIGN    General Animal Hospital
[19:37] Gin
    You were suffering from malnutrition.
[19:39] Gin
    They told me I shouldn't have
    a pet if I can't feed it.
[19:44] Gin
    Although you're the one who
    ran off and starved yourself.
[19:48] Gin
    But you helped deal
    with the puppy for me.
[19:54] Gin
    You can eat all you want today.
[20:00] Gin
    What?
[20:01] Gin
    I thought you might understand
    how it feels to be an owner
[20:04] ---
    after taking care of that puppy.
[20:06] Gin
    Were you hoping for fish tails?
[20:08] Gin
    Or is the portion too small,
    considering the reward?
[20:14] Gin
    Don't blame me.
[20:15] Gin
    There were a lot of expenses
    associated with this job,
[20:18] Gin
    so I used up most of
    the money we received.
[20:21] Gin
    Besides, the Sakata family always
    shares when times are tough.
[20:27] Gin
    We share the food
[20:31] Gin
    and the pain.
[20:37] Gin
    Thanks for sharing.
[20:43] A
    Thank you so much!
[20:45] A
    You kept Grandpa's dog safe.
[20:47] Shin
    Well, you should thank
    the big dog inside.
[20:57] Doc
    Hold on!
[20:58] Doc
    You haven't paid for all the
    medicine you fed the puppy!
[21:02] Doc
    Hey!
[21:04] Doc
    Sakata-san! Wait!
[23:36] Shin
    Hold on a sec!
[23:37] Shin
    What's this Final Act business?!
[23:39] Shin
    This is news to me!
[23:40] Kag
    Well, they're probably just fooling
    around again with a fake!
[23:44] Gin
    Or they're pretending that it's fake.
[23:45] Kag
    Or it is fake.
[23:46] Gin
    That's what they want you to think.
[23:47] Kag
    But it's really fake.
[23:48] Shin
    You're not making any sense at all!
SIGN    We only lasted half a year this time,
SIGN    but thank you for all the support.
SIGN    The movie is coming up in July,
SIGN    so please continue to support Gintama!!
[23:59] ---
    See you sometime...