E12 - People Who Make Good First Impressions Usually Suck

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Gintoki (Narration)
    Francesca is the princess of Norsteinberg, a small country in Europe.
[00:05] ---
    Bored and sheltered, she escapes her butler's watchful eyes while traveling.
[00:11] ---
    She meets a thief, Don Pierre.
[00:14] ---
    Francesca keeps fighting with this playboy,
[00:17] ---
    but she accidentally discovers that he really is her blood brother.
[00:21] ---
    Now, the secret society "Black Rose Squad" is after them!
[00:25] ---
    Will Francesca be able to adjust to society after being a slacker for so long?
[00:29] ---
    What about Jyunichi and Satoru's forbidden love?
[00:32] Shinpachi (Off)
    That is totally not true! Not even close!
[00:35] Kagura (Off)
    Ohh... Anime is such a wonderful thing!
[00:38] Kagura (Off)
    Hey!
SIGN    [New Staff at Snack House Otose, moe character with cat ears?]
SIGN    [Is Shinpachi afraid of fried eggs? Kagura is always drowsy.]
[02:23] Ryoko Kinomiya
    The flower-lined path to the stage of the floating world
SIGN    
[02:26] Ryoko Kinomiya
    has both a top side, and a bottom side.
[02:30] Ryoko Kinomiya
    Those whose lives blossom have their songs,
[02:34] Ryoko Kinomiya
    and for those whose lives do not, songs are all they have.
[02:38] Ryoko Kinomiya
    Today, as everyday, lonely men and women
[02:42] Ryoko Kinomiya
    wander about, bringing their cold bodies together at a place
[02:45] Ryoko Kinomiya
    where they laugh while hiding their tears with their drinks.
SIGN    [Snack House]
[02:52] Ryoko Kinomiya
    A tiny snack house.
[02:56] ---
    Light spilling through its door.
SIGN    [Snack House]
[02:59] ---
    The music sinks deeply into their hearts.
SIGN    [Kabukicho 1st Street]
[03:16] Officer A
    Stop! You bastard!
[03:18] Mu
    Man, I'm so drunk.
[03:23] Otose
    Watch your step, Mu.
[03:26] Otose
    You've had quite a lot to drink.
[03:29] Mu
    That's nothing!
[03:30] ---
    You can't even call that "drinking."
[03:34] Mu
    I'll come back again.
[03:35] ---
    You're the only one, Otose, who listens to my stories.
[03:39] Otose
    I don't know what you're talking about. I turn away boring customers!
[03:43] Mu
    Yes, yes, I know.
[03:53] Catherine
    Meow.
[03:56] Otose
    Oh, it's just a stray cat.
[03:58] Otose
    Are you hungry?
[04:01] ---
    Come on in.
[04:02] ---
    If the bar's leftovers are okay with you, then I'll feed you some.
SIGN    [People Who Make Good First Impressions Usually Suck]
[04:16] Otose
    Can't your mouth say anything other than "wait on the rent"?
[04:20] Otose
    I'm sick and tired of hearing that.
[04:22] ---
    At least once in a while, couldn't you say, "advance payment,"
[04:24] ---
    or "thank you," or "you're looking beautiful as usual."
[04:27] ---
    You're so inconsiderate.
[04:29] Gintoki
    If all I have to do is say it, I'll say it all you want.
[04:31] ---
    It's just "You're looking beautiful...as usual."
[04:35] Gintoki
    I can't do it. My mouth is saying "No, no, no!"
[04:38] Otose
    Such a useless mouth. You should sew it shut!
[04:41] Otose
    Shall I do it for you? With a kite string and a needle?
[04:45] Gintoki
    Go away! My mouth is for strawberry milk and chocolate parfaits.
[04:51] Otose
    If you have the time to drink baby stuff like that, then cough up some of the rent you owe!
[04:57] Gintoki
    My life is more important than rent.
[05:01] Otose
    You're an idiot.
[05:03] Otose
    An idiot with "stupid" on top for good measure.
[05:06] Otose
    I'll add "shitty" too, if you like. You shitty stupid idiot.
[05:11] Gintoki
    Oh yeah! It takes one to know one, you know!
[05:15] Gintoki
    Idiot, idiot, idiot.
[05:16] Otose
    It's not just your taste buds. Are your brains at the level of a preschooler, too?
[05:23] Kagura
    Extra helpings?
[05:27] Otose
    This ain't no lunch counter, you get me?
[05:27] Gintoki [Simultaneous]
    Stop drinking your rice!
[05:28] ---
    For a while now, you haven't been eating your rice, you've been drinking it!
[05:29] ---
    This is a place for creepy old men to
[05:31] ---
    simultaneously drink themselves sick and indulge their sick minds.
[05:32] ---
    A meal isn't a sport!
[05:32] ---
    A "Snack" house, If you catch my meaning!
[05:34] Kagura
    If you put charcoal inside and cook it, the chlorine smell goes away.
[05:37] Kagura
    It's a pearl of wisdom from my grandmother.
[05:39] Otose
    Are you trying to suck up to me?
[05:42] ---
    In a roundabout way, you're saying it doesn't taste good.
[05:45] Gintoki
    Normally, the sound you make when you eat rice is pakupaku,
[05:49] Gintoki
    but in your case...
[05:49] Shinpachi
    Oh!
[05:51] Gintoki
    You fool!
[05:52] ---
    The most expensive thing here is not the smile that seals a lie.
[05:57] ---
    It's those dried garnishes!
[06:01] Otose
    I'll add it separately to your rent.
[06:05] Shinpachi
    N-No way...
[06:08] Otose
    For guys who can't wipe their own backsides, helping other people is ludicrous.
[06:13] Gintoki
    I never could reach around back there.
[06:17] ---
    You could at least leave a little for us.
[06:20] Otose
    I didn't mean it literally.
[06:21] Kagura
    Dried foods make me thirsty.
[06:24] ---
    Oolong tea, please.
[06:25] Catherine
    Yes.
[06:26] Shinpachi
    Why drink oolong tea here when you can get it at the supermarket
[06:30] Shinpachi
    in a plastic bottle for 358 yen?!
[06:32] Shinpachi
    That's as outrageous as some rich guy who burns a wad of bills
[06:35] Shinpachi
    in the foyer looking for his shoes!
[06:37] ---
    Do something about her!
[06:39] ---
    At this rate, all the money in the world isn't going to be enough!
[06:42] Shinpachi
    Not that we ever had any.
[06:45] Gintoki
    Yeah, you're right.
[06:46] Shinpachi
    We could work honest jobs!
[06:48] Gintoki
    Yeah.
[06:50] Shinpachi
    Or we could seriously walk out on our bills!
[06:52] Gintoki
    Yeah.
[06:54] Shinpachi
    At this point, I'm desperate!
[06:55] ---
    I'll kill you and take my own life, too!
[06:58] Gintoki
    Calm down.
[07:02] Shinpachi
    How apathetic can you be?!
[07:06] Shinpachi
    You can't even decide to run away,
[07:08] Shinpachi
    much less have the courage to stand up to something!
[07:10] ---
    The stress of modern education without a father is showing up here!
[07:12] Gintoki
    Aw, shut up!
[07:14] ---
    Once you've come of age, it isn't your parents' fault anymore.
[07:16] ---
    Do something about it yourself.
[07:18] Shinpachi
    You haven't done anything about the rent!
[07:22] Kagura
    Pipe down.
[07:27] Kagura
    Even if your parents die, you still have to eat and rest.
[07:30] Otose
    Good grief.
[07:31] Shinpachi
    Blood! Blood!
[07:33] Shinpachi
    Blood!
[07:35] Catherine
    Uh...are you all right?
[07:39] Catherine
    Press on it with this.
[07:41] Gintoki
    Haven't seen your face before. You new here?
[07:45] Catherine
    Yes. I've been working here from a while back. I'm Catherine.
[07:50] Otose
    She came to earth to make some money.
[07:53] ---
    She works hard to send money back home.
[07:56] Catherine
    Pleased to meetchu.
[07:59] Otose
    She's good with the customers, and does a good job.
[08:03] Catherine
    It's no big deal at all.
[08:06] Gintoki
    That's impressive.
[08:08] Gintoki
    And she even has a great sense of humor.
[08:11] Shinpachi
    Oh? Really?
[08:13] Gintoki
    Someone around here has absolutely no talent for humor.
[08:17] Gintoki
    The other one lives only to satisfy her hunger.
[08:23] Kagura
    I can't eat any more.
[08:25] Everyone
    Of course not.
[08:27] Gintoki
    Well, there may be difficult moments, tough moments and unbearable moments,
[08:32] Gintoki
    but hang in there.
[08:33] Catherine
    Thank you very much.
[08:35] Gintoki
    You might think things are difficult now,
[08:37] Gintoki
    but in the future, it's gonna get a lot worse.
[08:39] Gintoki
    If you keep that in mind, you can endure it.
[08:41] Shinpachi
    What are you, a genuine masochist?
[08:51] Mama
    Come back soon.
[08:56] Mama
    You golden parachute bastard!
[09:07] Mama
    The money!
[09:11] Ramen Peddler
    Th-The money...
[09:17] Host A
    The money!
[09:48] Shinpachi
    I'm so hungry...so hungry.
[09:52] Gintoki
    Shut up.
[09:53] ---
    Then why don't you just go home!
[09:56] Gintoki
    You probably have food there.
[09:59] Shinpachi
    My sister is home today.
[10:03] Shinpachi
    My sister's there, cooking.
[10:13] Otae
    Shin, today we're having fried egg
[10:18] Otae
    and fried egg and fried egg.
[10:22] Shinpachi
    Sis's fried eggs make me see things I'm not supposed to see.
[10:29] Shinpachi
    Did you know, Gin?
[10:32] Shinpachi
    A kind of canned herring called Surströmming
[10:35] Shinpachi
    has a smell that even cats run away from.
[10:38] ---
    They say smelly things taste good.
[10:42] Shinpachi
    Gin, did you know?
[10:44] ---
    The Inuit people, after killing a caribou,
[10:48] ---
    apparently eat even the gunky contents of the stomach.
[10:53] ---
    It must be warm and delicious.
[11:00] Shinpachi
    Gin, did you know?
[11:02] ---
    When an owl catches a baby mouse,
[11:04] ---
    it feeds it to fatten it in its nest before eating it.
[11:09] ---
    It must be plump and juicy for sure.
[11:13] Shinpachi
    There are so many delicious things in the world.
[11:20] Shinpachi
    When I think about it, the rent here isn't all that low, is it?
[11:25] ---
    There must be a ton of other places that are cheaper than this.
[11:28] Shinpachi
    You know, Gin...
[11:31] Shinpachi
    What the?!
[11:34] Shinpachi
    Our emergency funds!
[11:37] Shinpachi
    That borderline-diabetic rat bastard!
[11:41] Mu
    I thought I got into a really great company!
[11:47] Mu
    At that time anyway.
[11:50] Mu
    Huh? Where're my cigarettes?
[11:52] Otose
    Oh come now. You just sent Catherine out to buy some.
[11:56] Mu
    What? Did I?
[11:58] Otose
    Yes, you did. You're too much.
[12:03] Otose
    She sure is taking long, though. How far did that girl go?
[12:16] Gintoki
    Hey.
[12:18] Gintoki
    On an errand? That old hag is a real taskmaster.
[12:23] Catherine
    Y-Yes, I am. I came to buy Mu's cigarettes...
[12:27] Gintoki
    I see.
[12:29] Catherine
    I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[12:33] Gintoki
    Anyway, this area is
[12:37] Gintoki
    like a garbage dump where the trash piles up.
[12:41] Gintoki
    What I want to say is...
[12:44] ---
    the two of us are alike, we're both trash.
[12:46] ---
    No, trash isn't the right word.
[12:49] ---
    We're both boogers in the same nostril.
[12:51] Gintoki
    In the same pot...pan...spoon.
[12:55] Catherine
    I understand.
[12:56] ---
    You're a good person. All of you are good people.
[13:05] Officer
    You both from around here?
[13:07] Gintoki
    What's it to you?
[13:10] Officer
    Have a look.
[13:13] Gintoki
    So?
[13:14] Officer
    Can I get you to cooperate with an investigation?
[13:19] Officer
    Is this everyone?
[13:21] Otose
    Did something happen?
[13:23] Officer
    Yes, there have been
[13:26] Officer
    several robberies in the vicinity.
[13:32] Officer
    Sixteen since the start of this month.
[13:35] Gintoki
    That's pretty troubling.
[13:38] Shinpachi
    Says the thief who stole the money!
[13:41] ---
    It's obvious by that sweet breath of yours?
[13:44] Officer
    The perp appears to be an Amanto.
[13:46] ---
    It's still under investigation.
[13:47] ---
    I thought you might have heard any disturbing rumors.
[13:50] Gintoki
    In that case, I have heard one.
[13:52] Gintoki
    She's your suspect.
[13:59] Gintoki
    What the hell did you do that for?!
[14:02] Kagura
    Man who makes bad jokes get finger broken.
[14:05] Gintoki
    Never heard of that!
[14:07] Gintoki
    I was just trying to show you a way to return to your hometown for free.
[14:12] Officer
    Deportation isn't free.
[14:14] Kagura
    No sir, I'd be returning home in disgrace.
[14:19] Gintoki
    You're in no position to be choosy!
[14:21] Kagura
    Worst comes to worst, I'll just hold onto the side of ship and go home like that.
[14:25] Launch Staff A
    5...4...3...2...1...
[14:28] Launch Staff B
    No!
[14:30] Launch Staff A
    Zero!
[14:34] Kagura
    Did that on the trip here!
[14:37] Kagura
    I'll manage!
[14:39] Shinpachi
    That's a cold calculation.
[14:42] Gintoki
    I'll be fine.
[14:43] Gintoki
    Even if she's thrown out into space, she'll have no problem surviving.
[14:45] Kagura
    I'm not a cockroach!
[14:47] Gintoki
    How dare you say that!
[14:50] Gintoki
    Apologize to the cockroaches!
[14:51] ---
    Apologize to the cockroaches, the greatest survivors on Earth!
[14:55] Kagura
    No way!
[14:55] Officer
    Am I...in the way here?
[14:57] Otose
    Anyway, we don't have the kind of money that someone would steal.
[15:03] Otose
    Well, if anything does happen, we'll let you know.
[15:05] Officer
    Please do.
[15:16] Gintoki
    The inside of my mouth tastes awful!
[15:19] Gintoki
    I shouldn't drink sweet milk beverages just before going to bed.
[15:23] ---
    Okay, I've taken another step up towards becoming an adult.
[15:27] Gintoki
    But I'm going down the steps.
[15:29] Gintoki
    Why am I doing my own two-man comedy routine?
[15:35] Gintoki
    What? Working overtime?
[15:38] Gintoki
    Couldn't be.
[15:41] Shinpachi
    I'm starving.
[15:46] Shinpachi
    I'm sooooo sorry!
[15:48] Shinpachi
    Forgive me for interrupting your midnight tryst!
[15:51] ---
    I'll disappear. Please enjoy your dazzling world of pleasure!
[15:54] Gintoki
    Hey.
[15:56] Kagura
    Dopes.
[15:58] Kagura
    Prostrate yourselves before my power.
[16:03] Gintoki
    You're sleepwalking.
[16:05] ---
    What was that dream? What's it about?
[16:06] ---
    A brandy glass and cat?
[16:08] Kagura
    How empty a man's life is.
[16:11] Gintoki
    Hey!
[16:12] Shinpachi
    So what evil sheriff was that?
[16:15] Kagura
    Huh?
[16:17] Gintoki
    That looks like my scooter.
[16:20] Catherine
    You're all good people.
[16:23] Kagura
    Now that you mention it, the umbrella in the back looks exactly like mine.
[16:28] Shinpachi
    That's the bar's cash register!
[16:29] Otose
    What the hell are you doing at this hour of the night?
[16:47] Otose
    Catherine?!
[16:49] Catherine
    Bye, rotten old hag.
[16:51] Catherine
    Moor-ons!
[16:55] Gintoki
    That ugly pig-faced cow!
[16:55] Kagura
    Tonight, I drink your blood!
[17:03] Driver
    Wh-What the?!
[17:06] Woman
    Help! Seiya!
[17:08] Host
    Give me a break!
[17:11] Shinpachi
    Just a minute. What're you guys doing?
[17:14] Shinpachi
    Where are you going?
[17:17] Shinpachi
    Waaaaaait!
[17:20] Driver
    They're gone.
[17:23] Driver
    They drove off! Dammit!
[17:24] Woman
    Seiya! I'm scared!
[17:25] Host
    Shut up! Old hag!
[17:41] Ramen Peddler
    What's that?
[17:47] Shinpachi
    I hate cats!
[17:53] Shinpachi
    Hey! I think we just moved past Catherine in the felony count!
[17:58] Kagura
    There!
[17:59] Kagura
    Catherine!
[18:01] Kagura
    Die!
[18:04] Kagura
    Cath...er...ine!
[18:16] Kagura
    Deaaatthhhhh!
[18:23] Kagura/Gintoki/Shinpachi
    What? What?!
[18:35] Otose
    Too bad.
[18:37] Otose
    I rather liked you.
[18:42] Otose
    That part about you supporting your family. Was that a lie, too?
[18:46] Catherine
    Otose. You're a good person. But you're such a dope.
[18:53] Catherine
    It's okay to like helping people.
[18:55] ---
    But if you overdo it, bad people like me will take advantage of you.
[18:59] Otose
    It's part of my character. Too late to change.
[19:07] Otose
    It's how I got to meet some interesting people.
[19:13] Otose
    Want to hear about it?
[19:15] Otose
    No, hear me out. It's the least you can do.
[19:22] Otose
    There was a man, you see.
[19:28] Otose (N)
    It was a cold, snowy day.
[19:32] Otose (N)
    On a whim, I went out to visit my late husband's grave.
[19:48] Gintoki
    Hey, Granny!
[19:51] Gintoki
    Mind if I eat those dumplings?
[19:53] ---
    I'm so hungry I'm about to croak.
[19:56] Otose
    These aren't for me. I gave them to my husband. Ask him.
[20:01] Gintoki
    Oh yeah?
[20:02] ---
    Okay, then...
[20:08] Otose
    What did my husband say?
[20:12] Otose (N)
    When I asked him, do you know what he said?
[20:17] Catherine
    Don't know.
[20:18] Catherine
    I have no interest in the rambling of strangers.
[20:21] Gintoki
    "Dead men don't talk," he said.
[20:27] Gintoki
    "I won't ever forget this debt."
[20:31] Gintoki
    "After all, you're an old lady. Probably going to kick the bucket soon."
[20:35] Otose
    "But until that happens, I'll watch over her for you," he said.
[21:05] Otose
    You're going to watch over me?
[21:11] Otose
    Let's see what you can do, then.
[21:17] Gintoki
    Nice way to show her gratitude to you for giving her a job.
[21:20] ---
    People who can't keep their obligations are simply hideous, old hag.
[21:26] Otose
    Like someone who lives on the second floor of someone's house without paying rent?
[21:32] Gintoki
    People are all kind of hideous, in a way.
[21:35] Otose
    You're talking nonsense.
[21:38] Officer
    Thank you for cooperating with our investigation.
[21:42] Otose
    You turned out to be quite the stray cat.
[21:47] Otose
    Cats are animals that claw at things, though.
[21:53] Gintoki
    You hit the nail on the head.
[21:55] Otose
    It's too late for you to change now.
[21:57] ---
    But if you're down and out and need a meal in the future, come by the back of the shop.
[22:00] Otose
    I'll let you have some leftovers.
[22:04] Catherine
    Otose, you're a fool.
[22:09] ---
    However...
[22:13] Gintoki
    It's the first time I've seen you not get angry when someone called you a fool.
[22:17] Otose
    I have my moments.
[22:19] ---
    Since you did me a favor today. I'll let you have this month's rent free.
[22:23] Gintoki
    You serious?!
[22:24] Gintoki
    Thanks, granny!
[22:25] ---
    I'll be sure to pay the month after next!
[22:27] Otose
    Heck, I'll write off all of the late rent you owe me. And the month after next to boot.
[22:32] Gintoki
    Yippee! Yippee!
[22:33] Otose
    Stop trying to act cute.
[22:36] Ryoko Kinomiya
    A light and fleeting act of compassion...
[22:39] ---
    when it touches you, you feel a warmth.
[22:42] ---
    A penetrating, heartfelt song...
[22:46] ---
    that warms one's frozen fingertips.
SIGN    [Location: Kabukicho]
SIGN    [Preview]
[24:25] Gintoki(Narration)
    While looking for Ham for our client,
[24:28] Gintoki(Narration)
    we got involved in a tight situation.
[24:30] Gintoki(Narration)
    "Harusame", the biggest crime syndicate in the galaxy?!
[24:33] Gintoki(Narration)
    Who do you think you are, Frieza?! Butthead!
[24:35] ---
    The next episode:
[24:36] ---
    "If You're Going to Cosplay, Go All Out"
SIGN    [He said looking for Ham, but it's really a person.]
SIGN    ["Harusame", the Biggest Crime Syndicate in the galaxy. Going into a serious episode of Gintama?]
SIGN    [Moe~]
[24:50] Catherine
    I'm a cat-eared moe character, too.