E119 - "Within Each Box of Cigarettes, Are One or Two Cigarettes That Smell Like Horse Dung"

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Okita
    Smoking increases a person's risk of
    developing pulmonary emphysema.
[00:07] Okita
    In addition, smoking by minors
[00:10] Okita
    is forbidden because it leads to severe
    health issues and nicotine addiction.
[00:16] Okita
    Never smoke, even if asked to by others.
[00:23] ---
    ...Do you understand?
SIGN    [Inhale, puff puff... Inhale, puff puff...]
SIGN    [Hijikata-san, too much smoking is bad for your health.]
[02:05] Okita
    10 votes in favor, versus 1 against.
[02:08] Okita
    Everyone except Hijikata-san voted
    in favor, so this bill is approved.
[02:13] Okita
    The Shinsengumi headquarters
[02:15] Okita
    will no longer allow smoking
    in all areas starting today.
[02:17] Hijikata
    H-Hey, the whole headquarters
    is going too far.
[02:20] Hijikata
    It's like you're purposely keeping
    smokers out of here.
[02:24] Hijikata
    At least make arrangements for
    a designated smoking area.
[02:27] Okita
    What are you saying, Hijikata-san?
[02:30] Okita
    Smoking is worse than athlete's foot.
[02:33] Okita
    Even though it's not prohibited by
    law, nicotine is actually a drug.
[02:37] Okita
    A drug!
[02:38] Okita
    Everyday, you inhale and
    exhale, inhale and exhale,
[02:41] Okita
    you become addicted.
[02:42] Hijikata
    So, what's wrong with that?
[02:44] Okita
    Even if this is a personal matter for you,
[02:46] Okita
    you can't run with this line of argument.
[02:48] Okita
    Anyone near a smoker is forced to
    become second-hand smokers.
[02:54] Hijikata
    But... But...
[02:57] Okita
    You're Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi.
[03:00] Okita
    Please think about the other
    people around you.
[03:02] Okita
    If a Vice-Chief can't even quit smoking
    or halt a nicotine addition,
[03:06] Okita
    it sets a bad example for everyone else.
[03:13] Hijikata
    H-Hey, Harada. You sometimes
    smoke, don't you?
[03:17] Hijikata
    Are you all right with this smoking ban?
[03:18] Harada
    Yeah...I completely quit smoking,
    so it doesn't matter to me.
[03:26] Okita
    It's already been decided.
[03:32] Unit Member
    Man, even with Okita-san's proposal,
    that was a productive meeting.
[03:36] Unit Member
    Yeah. Speaking of smokers,
    Vice-Chief was the only one.
[03:41] Harada
    It was so smoky and awful in there.
[03:43] Harada
    My clothes are covered in
    that stinky smoke odor.
[03:45] Unit Member
    Any person who practices a martial
    art knows smoking is unhealthy.
SIGN    ["Within Each Box of Cigarettes, Are One or Two Cigarettes That Smell Like Horse Dung"]
[04:03] Hijikata
    ...gimme a break.
[04:07] Hijikata
    Is he seriously intending to keep
    me out of the Shinsengumi?
[04:10] Hijikata
    Damn it. I might as well inhale as much
    nicotine as possible while I'm outside.
SIGN    [Smoking on the street is prohibited.]
SIGN    [BATTLE ROYAL HOST]
[04:37] Hijikata
    Ah, excuse me.
[04:39] ---
    Do you have an ashtray?
[04:42] Clerk A
    I'm sorry. This restaurant prohibits
    smoking in the whole facility.
[04:52] Hijikata
    What's with this city?
[04:54] Hijikata
    Signs everywhere say "No
    Smoking," "No Smoking."
[04:58] Clerk
    I'm sorry, but smoking
    isn't allowed in here.
[05:03] Old Lady
    Hey! Your cigarette!
[05:04] Clerk C
    Cigarettes are...
[05:15] Woman A
    Oh, no! What's he doing?!
[05:17] Woman B
    Don't stare.
[05:21] Hijikata
    Let me smoke!
[05:24] Hijikata
    Damn it.
[05:26] Hijikata
    I didn't even notice but
    now I can see there's
[05:29] Hijikata
    no places for us smokers to go anymore.
[05:31] Hijikata
    I want to smoke even more
    when I'm told not to.
[05:34] Hijikata
    It's hopeless. I can't stand it anymore.
    In this situation... I... I...
SIGN    [SMOKING AREA]
[05:49] Hijikata
    That's it!
[05:53] Hijikata (M)
    I found it! I finally found an oasis!
[05:58] Kusano
    Here's our next story.
[06:00] Kusano
    The universal environment
    conservation meeting
[06:04] Kusano
    will be held one week from today.
[06:06] Kusano
    It'll talk about environment-related
    issues in the whole universe.
[06:11] ---
    And the Bakufu is taking this opportunity
    to ask the nation to start thinking about
[06:14] ---
    the environment as it launches the micro-environmental
    protection campaign for one week from today.
[06:19] Matsudaira
    Let's put aside the big problems of ozone
    depletion and global warming.
[06:26] Matsudaira
    It's important for each person
    to do their own part,
[06:29] Matsudaira
    no matter how small, to
    help the environment.
[06:33] Matsudaira
    All your small efforts will start to pile up
    into one big push to save the earth.
[06:38] Matsudaira
    Yeah, right...
[06:40] Matsudaira
    What this old man is trying to say is, before
    you go saving the huge Earth...
[06:45] Matsudaira
    ...you should first save yourself.
[06:46] Matsudaira
    Someone who can't even save himself
    won't be able to save the earth.
[06:51] Matsudaira
    Someone who can't even save himself
    and is disliked by his daughter...
[06:58] Matsudaira
    ...won't be able to save the earth.
[07:02] Matsudaira
    Well, we'll explore all of
    that a week from today.
[07:05] Matsudaira
    All of Edo...
[07:07] Matsudaira
    ...will assist in helping implement
    the smoking ban.
[07:12] Kusano
    We repeat.
[07:14] Kusano
    Currently, an emergency smoking ban
    is in effect throughout all of Edo.
[07:18] ---
    Smokers are asked to please throw
    away all cigarettes immediately.
[07:23] Hijikata
    Ci...Ciga...rette...
[07:23] Kusano
    Also, please never approach cigarette
    vending machines or smoking areas.
[07:29] Kusano
    It'll lead to sever punishment.
    We repeat...
[07:43] Passenger
    Are you taking a trip through
    the universe, too?
[07:45] Passenger
    Man, times are sure changing.
[07:48] Passenger
    I never thought we'd see the day when
    we could travel between planets.
[07:54] Passenger
    So, which planet are you going to?
[07:57] Hijikata…
    Planet Hamek.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Planet Namek from Dragon Ball.]
[07:58] Passenger
    Planet Hamek? There's nothing
    to see in that countryside.
[08:02] Passenger
    It's nothing but tobacco fields.
    Why are you going there?
[08:05] Hijikata
    ...Naturally...
[08:08] Hijikata
    ...to smoke some cigarettes!
[08:10] Hijikata
    Don't underestimate a smoker.
[08:12] Hijikata
    They claimed the cigarette was edited
    out of the manga cover because
SIGN    [Note: Cigarette images were removed from GinTama manga vol.8 and vol.16 covers.]
[08:15] Hijikata
    I looked like a high
    school student smoking.
[08:18] Hijikata
    They also said it was never a good
    idea to show smokers on the cover.
[08:21] Hijikata
    And they ended up not using
    someone smoking.
[08:24] Hijikata
    And we deceptively said it was a pocky chocolate
    snack when it was really a cigarette,
[08:27] Hijikata
    or else we'd be forced to give up airing the
    show in prime time in North America,
[08:29] Hijikata
    or be stuck with an R rating.
[08:32] Hijikata
    And yet I still haven't given up smoking!
[08:35] Hijikata
    Once the smoking ban starts,
    I'll smoke outside Earth!
[08:39] Hijikata
    If cigarettes run out, I'll even
    travel to their place of origin!
[08:42] ---
    Don't underestimate a smoker!
[08:48] Minister
    I see, I see.
[08:50] Minister
    I'm so glad to hear that
    you came all the way to
[08:53] Minister
    Planet Hamek to smoke our cigarettes.
[08:58] Minister
    Unfortunately, this planet
    has been turned into
[09:03] Minister
    a scorched field by the evil
    emperor, Breeza.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Frieza from Dragon Ball.]
[09:09] Minister
    So cigarettes are no longer...
[09:17] Minister
    This is the last one.
[09:23] ---
    Is that all right? Just one...?
[09:29] Delde
    Stop it, Grandpa!
[09:30] Minister
    Hey, Delde! Take your hands off me!
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Dende from Dragon Ball.]
[09:33] Delde
    That's...! That's the last
    cigarette my dad made!
[09:38] ---
    It's a memento of my dad,
    who was killed by Breeza.
[09:44] Delde
    Dad! Dad!
[09:48] Delde
    Dad!
[09:54] Delde’S Father
    Delde!
[10:36] Delde
    ...Da...Dad...
[10:49] Delde
    Da...! Dad!
[10:51] Delde
    Dad!
[11:15] Delde
    Dad...
[11:22] Delde
    Da... Dad's...
[11:26] Minister
    Shut up, Delde!
[11:28] Minister
    Cigarettes exist to be smoked.
[11:30] Minister
    Cigarettes that you can't smoke shouldn't
    even be called cigarettes at all!
[11:33] Minister
    What do you think would please
    your father the most?
[11:36] Minister
    To let the cigarette get moist in a
    drawer or let someone smoke it?
[11:46] Delde
    Da...Dad's cigarette...
[11:49] Delde
    ...please enjoy smoking it...
[12:00] Passenger
    Oh! What a coincidence!
[12:03] Passenger
    Well, were you able to smoke?
    Are you on your way home?
[12:08] Hijikata
    No.
[12:09] Passenger
    What? Where are you going then?
[12:11] Hijikata
    I'm going to defeat Breeza!
[12:14] Passenger
    Huh? Breeza? What? Aren't
    you going there to smoke?
[12:18] Hijikata
    There's no way I can smoke
    something like that!
[12:20] Passenger
    What?!
[12:21] Hijikata
    I'll kill Breeza and smoke afterwards!
[12:24] Hijikata
    He definitely has cigarettes.
[12:26] Hijikata
    Next time, I'll definitely smoke
    cigarettes, damn it!
[12:33] Breeza
    I never suspected that
    you were against me.
[12:36] Breeza
    But I admire your rashness.
[12:52] Master Game
    Hijikata's quest to smoke
    a single cigarette started
SIGN    [Note: A parody of Master Roshi's narrations from Dragon Ball.]
[12:57] Master Game
    because of the Shinsengumi's
    smoking ban.
[13:01] Master Game
    The trip has been full of hardships.
[13:04] Matsudaira
    Well, we'll explore all of
    that a week from today.
[13:07] Matsudaira
    All of Edo will assist in helping
    implement the smoking ban.
[13:13] Master Game
    But finally he heads off into the universe.
[13:17] Hijikata
    To smoke some cigarettes!
[13:20] Master Game
    However, when he arrives
    on Planet Hamek,
[13:24] Master Game
    he finds it was turned into a
    scorched field by Breeza.
[13:39] Delde
    Da...Dad!
[13:41] ---
    Dad!
[13:45] Game
    The young boy Delde's tears...
[13:47] Game
    Hijikata channels his anger into power
    and he heads toward the final battle.
[13:54] Hijikata
    Hey! Why am I suddenly having flashbacks
    of the previous episode?
[13:56] Hijikata
    This isn't Dragon BLEEP!
[13:57] Hijikata
    It's taking too long! I'm in a hurry!
    Let's get to the main episode now!
[14:11] Breeza
    I never suspected that
    you were against me.
[14:16] Breeza
    But I admire your rashness.
[14:22] Breeza
    But when you see my power, I wonder
    if you'll still have the same attitude.
[14:31] Breeza
    Well, I'll show you.
[14:33] ---
    My full power!
[14:57] Breeza
    How about that? You look like
    you're scared speechless.
[15:05] Breeza
    Get ready for it.
[15:09] ---
    Here I come.
[15:15] Hijikata
    Hey, give me a cigarette.
[15:17] Hijikata
    I know you have some.
[15:19] Hijikata
    You destroyed Planet Hamek,
    didn't you? Where are they?
[15:22] Breeza
    I, Breeza-sama, was knocked down
    by a monkey like you.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Super Saiyan from Dragon Ball.]
[15:26] Breeza
    It can't be...you're a legendary
    Super Earthling.
[15:30] Hijikata
    Shut up, already. Just
    give me a cigarette.
[15:32] Hijikata
    I'm grumpy now thanks
    to nicotine withdraw.
[15:34] Breeza
    You're the Super Earthling
    who woke up irritated.
[15:37] Breeza
    Don't tell me you're the
    son of that Earthling
[15:42] Breeza
    who was the only one to
    challenge me back then?
[15:44] Hijikata
    Huh, who's this? I don't
    look nothing like him.
[15:47] Hijikata
    You're totally wrong.
[15:48] Breeza
    Can it be that you're searching
    for the same thing I was?
[15:52] Hijikata
    Huh?
[15:53] Breeza
    Whatever. I praise you for defeating me,
[15:56] Breeza
    the emperor of the universe,
    so I will give you this.
[15:59] Breeza
    Here, take it.
[16:01] Hijikata
    That's not what I asked for!
[16:03] Hijikata
    I said, give me some cigarettes!
[16:05] Hijikata
    What's this ball? It's so disgusting!
[16:07] Breeza
    It's an Ooey-gooey ball.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Dragon Ball from Dragon Ball.]
[16:10] Breeza
    When you collect all seven of those balls,
[16:11] Breeza
    the Ooey-gooey dragon will appear
[16:13] Breeza
    and make everything you want
    turn Ooey-gooey.
[16:15] Breeza
    It's a really mysterious ball.
[16:16] Hijikata
    Why Ooey-gooey? I think
    you're lying to me!
[16:20] Breeza
    If there's anything you
    want but can't find,
[16:23] Breeza
    you should collect six more balls
    and have your wishes granted.
[16:29] Hijikata
    Hey! Why are you making that kind
    of face made by the super villain
[16:32] Hijikata
    right before he dies in the big scene
    at the end of the episode?
[16:34] ---
    Anyway, why do I have to do all
    of this just to get a cigarette?!
[16:38] Hijikata
    Give me a break.
[16:40] Hijikata
    It'll be a lot faster if I just
    go to another planet
[16:42] Hijikata
    and buy a pack of cigarettes
    at a vending machine.
[16:44] Hijikata
    That's right. I should've done
    that earlier. I'll go do that.
[16:50] Kobayashi
    Grillin! Open your eyes, Grillin!
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Krillin & Goku from Dragon Ball.]
[16:53] Kobayashi
    Damn it! If only I had
    all the Ooey-gooey balls!
[16:58] Kobayashi
    Grillin!
[17:04] Passenger
    ...Hey, what are you doing?
[17:07] Hijikata
    I'm trying to revive Grillin.
[17:10] Passenger
    Who the heck is Grillin?!
[17:12] Passenger
    You came to smoke some
    cigarettes, right?
[17:14] Passenger
    And who's that sitting right next to you?!
[17:15] Kobayashi
    Yo! I'm Kobayashi! I'm so excited!
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Goku and Yamcha from Dragon Ball.]
[17:18] Passenger
    Kobayashi?! I'm not excited
    about that name at all!
[17:21] Passenger
    You're Bulma's ex-boyfriend,
    aren't you?
SIGN    [Note: Refers to Bulma from Dragon Ball. She dated Yamcha in the series.]
[17:23] Hijikata
    Shut up!
[17:24] Hijikata
    You know, Grillin might
    have some cigarettes!
[17:28] Hijikata
    I'll definitely smoke next time, damn it!
[17:35] Celo
    I'm Celo!
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Cell from Dragon Ball.]
[17:39] Hijikata
    That's enough! You're so persistent.
[17:40] Hijikata
    I know it's going to take a long time.
[17:42] Hijikata
    I get bored easy. Hey, just give me
    some balls. You have some, right?
[17:47] Celo
    Why? Why does he have
    so much power?
[17:50] Hijikata
    Shut up!
[17:51] Hijikata
    Hurry up and give me some balls so I can
    revive Grillin and smoke a cigarette.
[17:54] Celo
    I can't believe I lost after taking
    cells from the Super Earthling...
[18:00] Hijikata
    Who is this guy? What's with the
    scouter rip-off? It pisses me off!
SIGN    [Note: Parody of the scouter device from Dragon Ball.]
[18:04] Celo
    You defeated me, the perfect form, after
    I took in every cell and powered up.
[18:10] Celo
    Your attack deserves to be rewarded.
[18:14] Celo
    As you wish, I'll give you my balls.
[18:21] Celo
    Take these.
[18:22] Hijikata
    You hid these in there?!
    They're disgusting and dirty!
[18:27] Celo
    Use these balls to summon the dragon
    and make a wish for me.
[18:35] Celo
    My wish is
[18:36] ---
    "To graduate from being a virgin..."
[18:39] Hijikata
    Why are you making it sound like
    I'm helping you grant your wish?!
[18:42] Hijikata
    And why did you make
    such a useless wish?!
[18:46] Hijikata
    Anyway, now that I've collected
    all seven balls.
[18:49] Hijikata
    Hurry up and revive Grillin
    so I can smoke a cigarette!
[18:52] Kobayashi
    What's this? Can I eat this?
[18:55] Hijikata
    There's no way you can eat that disgusting
    thing! What about Grillin?
[18:59] Kobayashi
    Oh, that's right!
[19:00] Hijikata
    Hurry up and summon the dragon
    so it can revive Grillin!
[19:04] Hijikata/Kobayashi
    Come out Ooey-gooey Dragon!
    Please make my wish come true!
[19:11] Hijikata
    ...Huh?
[19:13] Hijikata
    Nothing happened. There're seven
    balls all together. What's going on?
[19:18] Kobayashi
    Oh? Taking a closer look, this one
    isn't an Ooey-gooey ball at all!
[19:22] Hijikata
    What?
[19:23] Kobayashi
    The other six balls are real Ooey-gooey
    balls. But this one is...
[19:28] Kobayashi
    ...a Sticky-icky ball!
[19:29] Hijikata
    It's pretty much the same!
[19:31] Hijikata
    What's the difference between
    that and an Ooey-gooey ball?!
[19:33] Kobayashi
    Yo. It's a Sticky-icky ball!
[19:35] Hijikata
    That's just a technicality!
[19:39] Hijikata
    See?! Something is coming out!
[19:41] Hijikata
    They're all Ooey-gooey balls, after all.
[19:52] Numelon
    Great job in collecting all
    the Slimy-grimy balls.
[19:56] Hijikata
    It's not Ooey-gooey, nor Sticky-icky!
[19:58] Hijikata
    That's the least of our problems.
    Hey, hurry up and save Grillin.
[20:02] Kobayashi
    I see. It's not Ooey-gooey.
    Then I don't care.
[20:06] Hijikata
    Why?! How much loyalty do
    you have for Ooey-gooey?!
[20:09] Hijikata
    How badly do you want to
    make Grillin Ooey-gooey?!
[20:11] Hijikata
    Just ask him! It doesn't matter
    if he's Slimy-grimy!
[20:15] Hijikata
    He's your friend, right?
[20:16] Kobayashi
    If it's Slimy-grimy, I prefer
    something else.
[20:18] Hijikata
    What do you mean, something else?
[20:24] Kobayashi
    Give me some gal's panties!
SIGN    [Note: A famous line from Dragon Ball when they first met Shen Long, the dragon.]
[20:26] Hijikata
    Hey!
[20:28] Hijikata
    A gal's Slimy-grimy panties?!
[20:30] Hijikata
    That's such a gross wish!
[20:32] Hijikata
    Don't request a pair of dirty panties
    and give up your friend!
[20:35] ---
    Never mind! Forget it!
[20:37] Numelon
    Hurry up. Or the Slimy-grimy will dry up.
[20:42] Hijikata
    Wait! Hold on a second!
[20:44] Hijikata
    If I have a Slimy-grimy cigarette,
    I can't smoke it.
[20:47] Hijikata
    What should I wish for?
[20:49] Numelon
    I'm about to dry up!
[20:54] Hijikata
    I know!
[20:56] Hijikata
    I'll get the last one.
[21:06] Minister
    You're...
[21:09] Minister
    Why are you here again?
[21:11] Hijikata
    I've changed my mind...
    I want the last cigarette.
[21:19] Hijikata
    I know that's an important memento
    from your dad. But...
[21:26] Hijikata
    ...you don't need a memento anymore
    if you have your dad back.
[21:31] Delde
    Don't tell me... Da...
[21:36] Hijikata
    Yeah. It's your dad.
[21:39] Delde
    Whose dad is he?!
[21:41] ---
    What's with this Ooey-gooey?!
[21:42] Hijikata
    No, it's not Ooey-gooey, it's Slimy-grimy!
[21:45] Minister
    There's a limit to disgracing the dead!
[21:47] Hijikata
    No, it's true. Even if it's
    Slimy-grimy, he's real...
[21:57] Passenger
    It's you again.
[21:59] Passenger
    Were you able to smoke
    a cigarette, after all?
[22:00] Passenger
    Where will you go next?
[22:04] Hijikata
    I've decided...
[22:08] Hijikata
    ...to quit smoking.
[23:48] Master Game
    After Hijikata returned to earth,
[23:51] Master Game
    he wasn't able to give
    up smoking, after all.
[23:55] Master Game
    In order to get the legendary cigarette,
    Hijikata works hard at training.
[24:01] Master Game
    And a new powerful enemy appears before him.
[24:06] Master Game
    Next episode will be Ooey-gooey
    ball, episode 120.
[24:09] Hijikata
    Cut it out! This can't be right!
[24:11] Kobayashi
    Everyone! Please watch it!
SIGN    [Note: Parody of next week remark from Dragon Ball.]
[24:13] Hijikata
    I said, shut up!
SIGN    
SIGN    Oh, good for you, Hasegawa-san.
SIGN    I heard you'll head up the conveyor belt sushi restaurant all by yourself, after all.
SIGN    The next episode... "Once you've chosen a dish, you can't give it back."
[24:26] Gintoki
    Have some sushi!
SIGN    
SIGN    [The plan is to sneak into an Amanto restaurant, but for some reason, Prince Hata was working there.]
SIGN    [See you next time.]