E256.C - Gintama Classic - It Takes a Bit of Courage to Enter a Street Vendor's Stand

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    It's starting!
SIGN    [Note: Written on Elizabeth's sign.
    Parody of an MGM silent film.]
SIGN    Elizabeth's first errand
SIGN    Starring
SIGN    Elizabeth
    
    
    Kotaro Katsura
SIGN    All the people in Edo
SIGN    Katsura: Elizabeth, I need you to run an errand.
SIGN    An errand?
SIGN    Katsura: There's a sale on shampoo at the Oedo Mart.
SIGN    Why me?
SIGN    Katsura: I'm a wanted member of the Anti-Foreigner Faction, though I may not look the part.
SIGN    Katsura: I can't go shopping at a supermarket in broad daylight...
SIGN    You can keep the change.
SIGN    Hostess Bar
    Only 2000 yen!!
SIGN    Hostess Bar Old Lady Paradise
SIGN    Nakamura Restaurant
SIGN    Flower Shop
SIGN    Hemorrhoids. Your Worries
SIGN    Katsura: Elizabeth isn't back yet...
SIGN    Where's the Oedo Store again?
SIGN    Where is the Oedo Store?
SIGN    Michael: I can't read Japanese.
SIGN    I'm trying to get to the Oedo Store.
SIGN    Old Man: My eyes aren't too good.
SIGN    Where is the Oedo Store located??
SIGN    Pedro: How about you listen to my story instead?
SIGN    Pedro: This weird kid showed up at my place again last night.
SIGN    Pedro: They ring my doorbell and say...
SIGN    20 minutes later
SIGN    Pedro: So yeah, this story doesn't really have a punch line or anything.
SIGN    Where is the Oedo Store located?
SIGN    Pedro: Huh? Oedo Store?
SIGN    Pedro: Never heard of it.
SIGN    Kagura: Elizabeth, what's up?
SIGN    Big Sale
SIGN    ...My spare sign...
SIGN    is gone.
SIGN    What do I do?
SIGN    What do I do?!
[04:15] Elizabeth
    Excuse me.
SIGN    [Note: Voice by supervisor,
    Shinji Takamatsu.]
[04:16] Elizabeth
    Where's the Oedo Store?
SIGN    Kagura: Over there.
SIGN    Katsura: Oh!! What a relief, Elizabeth.
SIGN    Katsura: This is...
SIGN    conditioner.
SIGN    Katsura: Unbelievable!! This is unbelievable!!
SIGN    Katsura: I expected you to be a little more useful.
SIGN    Katsura: What are you going to do if my long hair becomes all dry?!
SIGN    Katsura: I don't want to end up with dandruff. I'll have a hard time leading my men if my head's covered with flakes.
SIGN    Katsura: Everyone will be staring at the dandruff instead of listening to what I say. Ahh, I expected you to be a little more useful. A preschooler could run this errand for me. I saw it on TV the other day, and I almost cried. But no, look at you.
SIGN    Whoohoo!
SIGN    ["It Takes a Bit of Courage to
    Enter a Street Vendor's Stand"]
SIGN    
[07:07] Man
    Welcome!
[07:09] Gin
    Man, it's freezing today, old man.
[07:12] Man
    It sure is.
[07:14] Man
    It might snow soon.
[07:17] Man
    They keep talking about global warming,
[07:19] Man
    but Earth's only getting
    warmer on the outside.
[07:23] Gin
    Got that right.
SIGN    [Note: "Warm action" refers to getting
    some more money in his wallet.]
[07:24] Gin
    When will I get some
    warm action going on?
[07:28] Man
    Warm yourself up with
    some of this, big guy.
[07:31] Gin
    Sorry, but I'm looking
    for something sweeter.
[07:36] Man
    Sweeter?
[07:37] Gin
    Sorry, but could you mix a little
    coffee milk or strawberry milk in there?
[07:41] Gin
    Can you fix one up?
[07:43] Man
    Absolutely, but you have
    unique tastes, big guy.
[07:48] Gin
    You know what they say.
[07:49] Gin
    Something sweet helps
    when you're exhausted.
[07:53] Man
    That's right, big guy.
    You look awfully tired.
[07:56] Man
    And your hair's all white.
[07:58] Man
    Did something happen?
[08:00] Gin
    I was born this way.
[08:02] Man
    If you've got something on your
    mind, why not let it out here?
[08:07] Gin
    Huh?
[08:07] Man
    Men are vain creatures.
[08:10] Man
    They never complain, whether
    at work or at home.
[08:13] Man
    Some things can only
    be told to a stranger.
[08:16] Man
    Men need a place like this.
[08:21] Gin
    There really isn't
    anything on my mind...
[08:25] Gin
    Besides, the audience is watching.
[08:27] Man
    Don't worry. This place protects
    the privacy of its customers.
[08:32] Man
    Like how they can't even see your face.
[08:35] Gin
    Ah, I see.
[08:36] Man
    Yeah.
[08:37] Man
    It'll be like this the entire episode,
    so nobody will know who you are.
[08:42] Man
    Feel free to say anything.
[08:44] Gin
    Ah, I see.
[08:45] Man
    By the way, the practice here
[08:47] Man
    is to pretend you don't recognize
    each other if you're acquaintances.
[08:52] Man
    First: Complain all you want.
[08:56] Man
    Second: Come alone.
[08:58] Man
    Third: Pretend you don't recognize
    each other if you're acquaintances.
[09:02] Man
    Fourth: Forget everything you hear
    in this place and do not tell a soul.
[09:07] Man
    A place where you can
    feel free to complain.
[09:11] Man
    That's what this stall is for.
[09:14] Man
    Come on, big guy. Don't think too
    much and just spill your guts today.
[09:20] Man
    Brush off all the dirt
    from this sad world
[09:22] ---
    so you can feel refreshed
    tomorrow, yeah?
[09:25] Man
    Okay, coffee milk with shochu.
[09:27] Gin
    Complain, you say?
[09:29] Gin
    Actually, I'm complaining all the time,
    so I don't really have anything...
[09:32] Hijikata
    'Sup.
[09:33] Man
    Hey, welcome!
[09:35] Man
    Ah, sorry, big guy.
[09:36] Man
    Could you slide over a bit?
[09:38] Man
    Give this handsome samurai a seat.
[09:41] Hijikata
    Ah, sorry.
[09:42] Gin
    Not at all. Go ahead.
[09:45] Hijikata
    Whew, I can finally warm myself up.
[09:48] Gin
    It's freezing out there.
[09:49] Gin
    Came out of nowhere, really.
[09:51] Gin
    It wasn't this bad yesterday.
[09:54] Hijikata
    Indeed.
[09:55] Hijikata
    We're pretty much guaranteed
    to have snow...
[10:01] Man
    Eh? Why did the two of you
    suddenly stop talking?
[10:07] Man
    Don't tell me...
[10:11] Gin
    Ah, no. It's nothing.
[10:14] Hijikata
    Hey, pops.
[10:15] Hijikata
    Give me hot sake.
[10:16] Hijikata
    [Note: Fish cakes and tofu fritters
    are popular items in an Oden hotpot.]
[10:16] Hijikata
    And a fish cake, a tofu
    fritter, and an egg.
[10:18] Man
    Gotcha.
[10:18] Hijikata
    And the usual...
[10:21] Man
    Gotcha. Mayonnaise, right?
[10:25] Gin
    Uh, do you come here often?
[10:28] Hijikata
    Huh?
[10:29] Gin
    Well, you just asked for the usual...
[10:32] Gin
    Do you have a lot of complaining to do?
[10:35] Hijikata
    Nah, only once in a while.
[10:37] Hijikata
    Only been here two or three times, yeah.
[10:39] Man
    You've been here at least fifty times.
[10:41] Hijikata
    Uh, pops?
[10:42] Hijikata
    Could you butt out? Please stop.
[10:44] Gin
    Huh? You're here today
    to complain again?
[10:46] Hijikata
    No, I'm just here for a drink today.
[10:49] Man
    Is it that gorilla boss of yours again?
[10:52] Hijikata
    Pops, keep your mouth shut.
[10:54] Hijikata
    Stop it!
[10:55] Gin
    Huh, your boss is a gorilla?
[10:58] Gin
    Sounds hard... No wonder
    you want to complain.
[11:01] Hijikata
    No, you've got it wrong.
[11:03] Hijikata
    Though he's a gorilla.
[11:05] Hijikata
    It's not like I'm badmouthing
    him all the time.
[11:08] Man
    That's right. Instead of badmouthing
    him all the time, you just go...
[11:11] Man
    "Die!" usually.
[11:14] Hijikata
    Pops!
[11:15] Hijikata
    Die!
[11:16] Hijikata
    You die!
[11:17] Man
    No, listen to me, big guy.
[11:19] Man
    The mayo samurai's boss is
    always pestering this woman.
[11:24] Man
    And this guy has to clean
    up afterwards every time.
[11:28] Gin
    I see. That sounds rough.
[11:31] Gin
    Sounds rough, but "Die!"
    was a little shocking.
[11:34] Hijikata
    No, when I say die...
[11:37] Hijikata
    It's like a figure of speech...
[11:40] Hijikata
    Like an expression of love...
[11:43] Hijikata
    If I really wanted him to die,
    I wouldn't tell him to die.
[11:49] Hijikata
    Hey, you understand, right?
[11:51] Hijikata
    Pops, raise the sign
    again. One more time.
[11:56] Hijikata
    You understand, right?
[11:58] Hijikata
    Look carefully. Look carefully
    at the fourth item!
[12:01] Hijikata
    Stare long and hard!
[12:02] Gin
    I got it. I got it. I got it.
[12:03] Gin
    Don't worry. Don't worry.
[12:06] Hijikata
    You understand, right?
[12:08] Hijikata
    Hold on, big guy.
[12:09] Hijikata
    Look carefully at the third item.
[12:10] Kondo
    Hey, pops! I'm back!
[12:15] Man
    Ah, Gori-san. It's been a long time.
[12:18] Man
    What a troublemaker.
[12:19] Man
    You're drunk already, aren't you?
[12:21] Kondo
    Well, it was freezing out there today.
[12:24] Kondo
    So I had a drink over there.
[12:26] Kondo
    But now is when I get serious!
[12:28] Kondo
    Oh, we've got ourselves a bunch
    of complainers here today!
[12:31] Kondo
    This looks fun!
[12:37] Kondo
    Ah?
[12:38] Man
    Eh? What's wrong, Gori-san,
    Mayo Samurai-san?
[12:42] Man
    You look pale.
[12:44] Man
    Come on, what are you doing?
[12:45] Man
    Slide over. Slide over.
[12:47] Man
    Gori-san's got a big body,
    so make plenty of room.
[12:51] Man
    Well, we were just enjoying ourselves.
[12:55] Man
    Listening to the mayo samurai's story.
[12:57] Hijikata
    No, no, pops.
[12:58] Hijikata
    Can't we drop that subject already?
[13:00] Hijikata
    Can't we drop it already?
[13:01] Kondo
    Huh? What? What story?
[13:03] Man
    Fact is, this guy's boss is a gori-
[13:06] Hijikata
    Ah! What?! Is that UFO?!
[13:09] Kondo
    Uh, you realize that UFOs are flying
    around all the time in this world.
[13:12] Man
    And that gorilla's always
    pestering this woman and
[13:15] ---
    he thinks the gorilla should just die-
[13:17] Hijikata
    Look!
[13:18] Hijikata
    That's definitely a UFO!
[13:19] Hijikata
    Hey, let's go check it out!
[13:22] Kondo
    Heh...
[13:24] Kondo
    That kinda sounds rough...
[13:27] Kondo
    Your boss is a gorilla, huh?
[13:29] Kondo
    What a coincidence.
[13:30] Kondo
    I have the same nickname as that person.
[13:32] Man
    Ah, that's right, Gori-san.
[13:36] Man
    Huh?
[13:36] Man
    Gori-san, are you crying?
[13:40] Kondo
    I'm not!
[13:42] Kondo
    Not at all! Just got
    something in my eye!
[13:45] Kondo
    I have allergies!
[13:46] Hijikata
    Uh, can I leave now?
[13:49] Man
    Eh?
[13:50] Hijikata
    I'm feeling sick after
    drinking too much.
[13:53] Man
    Hold on, Mayo Samurai-san.
[13:56] Man
    Listen to what Gori-san has to say.
[13:59] Man
    This gorilla's completely
    different from yours.
[14:02] Kondo
    No, no, no, no, no! It's okay!
[14:04] Kondo
    They don't need to hear my story!
[14:05] Man
    This gorilla's in a relationship
    with a hostess girl right now.
[14:10] Kondo
    Ah, wait!
[14:11] Man
    And this gorilla is always
    watching over her as a bodyguard.
[14:16] Gin
    Wow... That's impressive.
[14:17] Gin
    He's her bodyguard...
[14:19] Gin
    A bodyguard that hides
    under eaves and stuff...
[14:22] Man
    Great man, right?
[14:24] Man
    You won't find anyone else
    like this these days.
[14:26] Gin
    You won't.
[14:27] Gin
    You won't find a bodyguard like that.
[14:29] Gin
    That wouldn't be called a bodyguard.
[14:31] Man
    But even after everything
    Gori-san has done,
[14:35] ---
    this woman hasn't let him do...
[14:37] Kondo
    Ah! Isn't that Kazuo Umezu?!
SIGN    [Note: Kazuo Umezu is considered the
    godfather of Japanese horror manga.]
[14:40] Man
    He's going as a customer,
    so you'd think she could
[14:43] ---
    show her appreciation by letting him...
[14:45] Kondo
    Look!
[14:46] Kondo
    That has to be Kazuo Umezu!
[14:48] Kondo
    Let's all go and do
    the famous hand sign!
SIGN    [Note: "Guwashi!" is a handsign used in
    the manga "Makoto-chan" by Kazuo Umezu.]
[14:50] Man
    Don't you find this woman pathetic?
[14:53] Man
    She's a terrible match
    for Gori-san here.
[14:57] Man
    I keep telling him to break up with her,
[15:01] Man
    but he's such a nice guy.
[15:03] Tae
    Good evening.
[15:04] Man
    Ah, welcome, Pony-chan.
SIGN    [Note: Nicknamed that
    after her ponytail.]
[15:08] Man
    Er? Do you have the night off?
[15:10] Tae
    Yes, I was just stopping by
    on my way back from shopping.
[15:13] Tae
    Um, I made too many omelets,
[15:17] Tae
    so I thought I might offer my
    appreciation for imposing all the time.
[15:19] Man
    Ah, ah...
[15:21] Man
    Thanks as always, Pony-chan...
[15:28] Tae
    Um...
[15:28] Man
    Ah! Have a seat. Have a seat.
[15:31] Man
    Come on, men!
[15:32] Man
    Slide over!
[15:33] Man
    We've finally got a woman here.
[15:38] Man
    Did you hear what we were
    talking about, Pony-chan?
[15:41] Tae
    No, I didn't hear a thing.
[15:42] Man
    Ah, isn't that great, Gori-san?
[15:44] Man
    You didn't lose your chance.
[15:46] Man
    Why not switch over to this lady?
[15:48] Man
    She's a good girl.
[15:52] Man
    Huh?
[15:53] Man
    What's wrong, everyone?
[15:55] Man
    You're all pale as ghosts.
[15:58] Man
    Gori-san...
[15:59] Man
    Huh?
[16:00] Man
    Gori-san's foaming at the mouth.
[16:02] Tae
    My, I wonder what's wrong.
[16:04] Tae
    Are you okay?
[16:05] Man
    Huh? Something's growing
    out of his back?
[16:08] Tae
    Onion? It's a green onion.
[16:10] Man
    Green onion growing from his back...
[16:12] Man
    Or no, more than growing,
    it's burrowing in!
[16:16] Hijikata
    Gori-san!
[16:17] Man
    This is terrible!
[16:19] Tae
    It must be a phantom killer.
[16:20] Tae
    The work of a phantom killer.
[16:22] Tae
    How terrifying...
[16:23] Hijikata
    I've never heard of a killer that
    stabs people with green onions!
[16:26] Gin
    This must be the work of a real monster.
[16:29] Gin
    To harden a sprig of green onion to such
    a degree and stab without being noticed...
[16:33] Gin
    They must be an enhancer
    type of nen power.
SIGN    
[16:36] Man
    I should probably close up soon.
[16:39] Tae
    Don't worry.
[16:41] Tae
    The target's been
    eliminated, so the killer
[16:43] ---
    won't return to the scene of the crime.
[16:45] Tae
    Come, let's drink.
[16:47] Hijikata
    Pops, I'm taking Gori-san
    to the hospital!
[16:49] Hijikata
    I'm off then!
[16:51] Man
    Sorry about this, Mayo Samurai-san.
[16:53] Gin
    Hey! Wait!
[16:55] Gin
    You're going to leave me alone here?!
[16:56] Gin
    Leave me alone in a cage
    with an enraged monster?!
[17:00] Tae
    What are you talking about?
[17:02] Gin
    N-No, I was worried about Gori-san,
[17:05] ---
    so I was thinking about tagging along...
[17:07] Tae
    But they're already gone.
[17:09] Gin
    That was fast!
[17:10] Gin
    All the way over there in no time!
[17:12] Tae
    Just forget about it.
[17:14] Tae
    Why not have a drink with me?
[17:17] Man
    Oh, Pony-chan?
[17:19] Man
    You prefer this guy over Gori-san?
[17:23] Tae
    I'll pour the sake for you.
[17:25] Man
    That's nice. Quite a pretty picture.
[17:27] Man
    You two look great together.
[17:32] Gin
    You think?
[17:33] Tae
    Do you come to this place often?
[17:36] Gin
    No, this is my first time here.
[17:39] Gin
    Uh, does P-Pony-ch...
[17:41] Gin
    Does Pony-sama come
    here to complain often?
[17:45] Man
    It's been this long I'd say.
[17:46] Gin
    Ah, five times.
[17:48] Gin
    That's more than what I was expecting...
[17:50] Man
    She's been coming here for five years.
[17:52] Gin
    Holy cow!
[17:53] Gin
    How much pent-up hate does she have?!
[17:55] Gin
    How much complaining has she done?!
[17:58] Man
    The first time was when she came along
[17:59] ---
    with her late father long ago,
[18:01] ---
    who often came here to complain.
[18:05] Gin
    A bona-fide whinery!
[18:07] Gin
    A whinery specialist!
[18:08] Man
    She's been through a lot, though
    she may not look that way.
[18:11] Man
    She lost her parents when she was young
[18:13] Man
    and she's watched over her little
    brother by herself this whole time.
[18:17] Man
    That little brother is the problem.
[18:20] Man
    Most of her complaining these days
    is about that little brother.
[18:23] Gin
    Ah, he must be an undependable
    little brother.
[18:27] Gin
    I can already picture it.
[18:29] Gin
    Glasses and that whole package.
[18:31] Man
    Oh, the problem isn't with her brother
[18:33] ---
    but with the people around him.
[18:36] Man
    Her brother seems to have
    joined a bad bunch of people.
[18:39] Man
    Pony-chan, what was it about
    that permanently white-haired,
[18:42] ---
    always broke, and irresponsible...
[18:44] Tae
    Smegma Samurai.
[18:46] Man
    Ah, that's it.
[18:47] Man
    Smeggy Sammy.
[18:48] Gin
    Uh, is there really a
    need to abbreviate it?
[18:50] Gin
    Isn't that a little too cruel?
[18:52] Man
    Her brother's gotten
    weird ever since he
[18:56] ---
    started working for Smeggy Sammy.
[18:59] Man
    Tissues all over the place in his room.
[19:03] Man
    Washing his underwear by
    himself in the morning.
[19:06] Man
    He didn't used to be that way.
[19:09] Gin
    That's got nothing to
    do with Smeggy Sammy.
[19:11] Gin
    That's a part of nature.
[19:13] Tae
    Oh? Really?
[19:14] Tae
    What kind of nature would this be?
[19:16] Gin
    Well, I'm sure that Smeggy Sammy
    is working hard in his own way.
[19:20] Gin
    The fact that the brother follows
    him when he has no money
[19:23] Gin
    shows how much he cares
    for the brother...
[19:26] Tae
    What could you possibly
    know about Smeggy Sammy?
[19:28] Gin
    I know more than you do!
[19:30] Gin
    I understand Smeggy Sammy 100%!
[19:33] Man
    Well, she keeps complaining
    about how she can't
[19:36] ---
    do anything about Smeggy Sammy these days.
[19:39] Man
    Well, it might be considered
    plotting instead of complaining.
[19:42] Gin
    What do you mean by plotting?
[19:44] Gin
    That sounds really scary...
[19:46] Man
    Well, he seems to be very skillful,
[19:49] ---
    so she has to create her own opening.
[19:51] Man
    Like letting him drink until
    he's completely smashed.
[19:54] Gin
    Hey!
[19:55] Gin
    What are you two plotting?!
[19:56] Gin
    What are you going to
    do to Smeggy Sammy?!
[19:58] Tae
    Oh, the green onion I bought is gone.
[20:01] Tae
    Excuse me, I need to go buy another one.
[20:04] Gin
    She just went to procure a weapon!
[20:06] Gin
    It was her!
[20:08] Gin
    She's going to leave a green onion
    sticking out of Smeggy Sammy's back!
[20:11] Gin
    O-Old man, I just remembered
    something I have to take care of.
[20:14] Gin
    I'll leave the money here.
[20:15] Man
    Ah, hold on, big guy.
[20:18] ---
    What?
[20:19] Man
    I have something to tell you.
[20:22] Man
    I've been listening to people
    complain for decades.
[20:25] Man
    I've heard thousands, tens
    of thousands of complaints.
[20:30] Man
    Badmouthing people, problems at
    work, stuff that gets you down.
[20:34] Man
    But I was able to bear
    it all for decades.
[20:40] Man
    That's because there's love
    behind every complaint.
[20:43] Man
    Why won't things go my way when
    I'm working so hard at my job?
[20:48] Man
    That's how it was with
    those other guys, right?
[20:50] Man
    Complaints are just an expression of
    love when something doesn't go your way.
[20:56] Man
    Like a form of bragging.
[21:00] Man
    You should understand what
    I'm trying to say, big guy.
[21:03] Man
    No, Smegma Samurai.
[21:06] Man
    Take good care of Pony-chan.
[21:15] Tae
    Oh? He already closed.
[21:18] Gin
    Y-Yeah, something came up.
[21:23] Tae
    I see.
[21:26] Gin
    Wanna get a drink?
[21:28] Tae
    Huh?
[21:29] Gin
    I'm saying that if you still
    wanna drink, I'll tag along.
[21:34] Tae
    Are you sure?
[21:39] Tae
    You may have to listen to
    my complaints until morning.
[21:45] Gin
    That's fine.
[21:54] Gin
    Since I understand the true
    meaning of a complaint.
[22:02] Kondo
    Wait!
[22:03] Kondo
    I won't forgive you for
    holding hands with Pony-chan!
[22:06] Hijikata
    Gori-san! Don't force yourself!
[22:08] Hijikata
    The green onion's still in your back!
[22:17] Gin
    Who was that?
[22:18] ---
    
SIGN    The second movie will be released in 2013!!
    Sorachi Hideaki will be writing a completely new story
[23:51] ---
    The second movie will
    be released in 2013.
SIGN    DEADLINE!!
[23:54] ---
    Hey, gorilla!
[23:55] ---
    Stop celebrating about the
    bananas you got last week!
[23:57] ---
    If you don't get to work,
    the movie's going to have
[23:59] ---
    to have a bunch of cheap
    live action segments too!
[24:01] ---
    They'll have Mogi Kenichiro
    playing Gin-san!
[24:03] ---
    Ew, that stinks!