E293 - The Two Apes

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] G
    You moron!
[00:04] G
    I've had it with your incompetence.
    I'm disowning you!
[00:07] G
    You're never setting foot in this dojo again!
[00:10] Kon
    Music to my ears.
[00:11] Kon
    I'll be glad to not have to
    inherit this run-down dojo.
[00:16] G
    Is that so?
[00:18] G
    I bet a rascal like you is more suited
    to thievery than teaching swordsmanship,
[00:23] G
    Isao!
[02:06] Kon
    Huh? Where am I?
SIGN    Gorilla Isao's request: Watch this program in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:12] Kon
    Damn. I can't believe I fell
    asleep during my patrol.
[02:18] Kon
    That's right. I'm on my patrol.
[02:20] Kon
    I'm definitely not a stalker.
[02:26] E
    Impressive.
[02:28] Kon
    Who goes there?
[02:29] Kon
    I like your agility, and your
    ability to hide your presence.
[02:34] Kon
    With your skills, becoming a notorious
    thief wouldn't be a pipe dream.
[02:38] Kon
    What do you say?
[02:40] Kon
    Would you like to succeed me
    and become the second Ape Boy?
SIGN    The Two Apes
[02:55] Hij
    Kondo-san.
[02:58] Hij
    What were you up to last night?
[03:01] Hij
    Our old friend showed up again.
    Things got pretty crazy.
SIGN    Oedo Financing
[03:06] Hij
    As usual, the victims were loan sharks.
SIGN    Ape Boy was here.
[03:08] Hij
    The brilliant MO of acrobatically
    stealing from the targets
[03:11] Hij
    while simultaneously
    exposing their evil deeds,
[03:14] Hij
    the beast-like agility,
[03:17] Hij
    and the practice of turning
    the stolen goods into bananas
[03:21] Hij
    and distributing them to the poor...
[03:24] Hij
    It's the Ape Boy.
[03:26] Hij
    The notorious thief who'd been laying
    low for a while is back in action.
[03:30] (Flashback) Gin
    Wait, what's the meaning of this?
[03:33] Hij
    Some call him chivalrous
    or heroic and idolize him,
[03:36] Hij
    but a thief's a thief.
[03:39] Hij
    We'd better catch him quickly.
[03:42] Kon
    Yeah. I swear on the Shinsengumi's
    honor that I'll definitely catch...
[03:47] Kon
    ...that monkey's tail.
[03:52] E
    I'm amazed you mastered a monkey's
    movements in such a short time.
[03:58] E
    You have the innate talent
    to be a robber and a monkey.
[04:01] Kon
    I can't tell him!
[04:03] Kon
    I can't tell him I'm a cop!
[04:05] Kon
    I can't tell anyone that a thief
    took me, a cop, under his wing!
SIGN    Japanese Macaque
[04:09] Kon
    But I'm too embarrassed to tell
    him I was simply a stalker!
[04:13] Kon
    W-Wait up, Gramps!
[04:16] Kon
    I-I'm actually a...
[04:18] E
    No need to say it.
    Did you think I hadn't noticed?
[04:21] E
    You can't be a thief unless you
    have a keen, observing eye.
[04:27] E
    You're a wild gorilla, aren't you?
[04:29] Kon
    No, that's not it!
[04:30] E
    Relax. Gorillas are like brothers to monkeys.
[04:33] E
    You can be Ape Boy, no problem.
[04:35] Kon
    That's not the issue here!
[04:36] E
    You're saying it's weird to
    call a gorilla a boy, right?
[04:39] E
    You can get a name change to
    "Gorilla Man (Large)" if you want, then.
[04:42] Kon
    That'd just make me a large
    man who looks like a gorilla!
[04:44] Kon
    A-Anyway, there's a reason
    why I can't succeed you—
[04:49] Hij
    You two there. What are you doing?
[04:53] Kon
    T-Toshi!
[04:55] Hij
    I came to check 'cause I heard some suspicious
    men were trespassing here every night,
[04:58] Hij
    and what do I find but
    a monkey boss in hiding?
[05:01] Kon
    This sucks!
[05:02] Kon
    If I get caught here, my life will be ruined!
[05:05] E
    Talk about a perfect situation for training.
[05:08] E
    Let's go, Gori Boy.
[05:09] Kon
    Wait a minute!
[05:10] E
    Rules of Thievery, No. 1:
[05:12] E
    Consider darkness your friend,
    and light your enemy.
[05:17] E
    Target the enemy's lights!
[05:19] Kon
    Screw it.
[05:20] Kon
    Whatever!
[05:25] G
    Vice Chief!
[05:27] Kon
    Toshi!
[05:29] E
    Taking away not their light,
    but their sight? You're good.
[05:34] Hij
    Damn those apes! I'm gonna
    turn them into monkey hotpot!
[05:37] E
    Rules of Thievery, No. 2:
[05:39] E
    Howl with the wind, and stop with the wind.
[05:44] E
    Use every kind of sound
    to conceal your actions!
[05:46] Kon
    Easier said than done!
[05:48] E
    If you can't use the wind, make some
    kind of noise to distract them.
[05:53] Kon
    I've got it. I'll throw a stone at that cage!
[06:01] Kon
    Toshi!
[06:03] E
    Using the sound of the
    enemy's bones breaking?
[06:06] E
    I've never thought of that before!
[06:09] Kon
    Wait, wait. I'm innocent, Toshi!
[06:12] E
    Last rule of thievery!
    This is the most important one!
[06:15] Hij
    Hold it right there!
[06:18] Hij
    I'm not letting you escape!
[06:21] Kon
    Toshi?!
[06:22] E
    If no amount of running can save you,
[06:25] E
    then abandon your friends and
    everything you're carrying!
[06:27] Kon
    Huh?
[06:28] Kon
    What?!
[06:30] Kon
    Wait—
[06:32] Hij
    This is the end for you,
[06:33] Hij
    you damn apes!
[06:43] Kon
    I abandoned my friends and everything I had.
[06:47] E
    You're incredible.
[06:48] E
    You trained gorillas to act
    as your sacrificial pawns?
[06:51] E
    There's no doubt about it.
[06:53] E
    You'll surely be able to...
[06:55] E
    succeed...
[06:57] Kon
    H-Hey, Gramps?
[07:00] Kon
    Gramps!
[07:07] E
    Guess I went too wild for someone my age.
[07:11] Kon
    Gramps, are you...
[07:14] E
    Yeah.
[07:15] E
    At best,
[07:17] E
    I'll only last a month...
[07:19] Kon
    Oh my God.
[07:21] Kon
    He's serious.
[07:22] Kon
    He's seriously trying to make me succeed him.
[07:26] Kon
    From now on,
[07:29] Kon
    you have to distribute bananas
    as the second Ape Boy, okay?
[07:34] Kon
    It's like this is his dying wish!
[07:36] Kon
    It's getting even harder to refuse!
[07:39] E
    The government's lapdogs
    will probably catch me soon.
[07:42] E
    After all the bad things I've done,
[07:44] E
    it's only right that I breathe
    my last behind bars.
[07:48] E
    When that time comes,
[07:52] E
    offer bananas over there in my stead.
SIGN    Hiyoshi Monkey
    God Shrine
[07:57] E
    It's the second Ape Boy's job.
[08:00] E
    I'm counting on you.
[08:14] Kon
    Hands off, apes!
[08:16] Kon
    These are offerings!
[08:17] Kon
    Don't underestimate a gorilla's grip.
    I'll crush you to bits!
[08:21] Kon
    Is this it? The Monkey God
    that the old man worships?
[08:25] Kon
    Huh? Where have I...
[08:28] Hij
    Do you find it unusual?
[08:30] Hij
    Monkeys have long been considered
    the familiars of Hiyoshigami.
[08:33] Hij
    There are more than a few
    places that worship them.
[08:36] Kon
    Toshi! What are you doing—
[08:38] Hij
    We both chased a monkey here, right?
[08:44] Kon
    Y-Yeah, that's right!
[08:46] Kon
    I was investigating Ape Boy on my
    own, and the trail led me here.
[08:48] Kon
    But first, how'd you get those wounds?
[08:50] Kon
    Who did that to you?
[08:51] Kon
    They'll pay for this! I'll make them pay!
[08:55] Hij
    Oh, I just played along with
    an undercover investigation.
[09:00] Hij
    I had no idea you were capable
    of such masterful acting.
[09:05] Hij
    I almost wanted to kill you.
[09:08] Hij
    And was it really an
    undercover investigation?
[09:11] Hij
    What if it wasn't? Tell me it was.
[09:14] Hij
    That was an undercover investigation, right?
[09:16] Kon
    O-Of course!
[09:18] Kon
    Never heard of the saying, "To deceive
    your enemy, first deceive your Toshi"?
[09:21] W
    My, my. Not every day we
    have so much commotion here.
[09:26] W
    What brings you to this rundown shrine
    that doesn't even have a priest anymore?
[09:30] W
    Could you be the one leaving bananas
    and money here every now and then?
[09:35] Hij
    Gran, that's not a monkey.
[09:38] Hij
    Someone comes here to offer money?
[09:40] W
    Yes. Not that I've ever seen him.
[09:43] W
    How eccentric.
[09:45] W
    But thanks to him, the Monkey God
    revived after being burned down once.
[09:49] Hij
    Burned down? Was there a fire?
[09:51] W
    It happened a long time ago.
[09:53] W
    Back then, the priest gathered the
    neighborhood kids and ran a temple school,
[09:57] W
    but there was this one problem child.
[10:00] W
    He was a rowdy kid and a serial thief.
[10:02] W
    There were even rumors that
    he was raised by monkeys.
[10:07] W
    But he stopped stealing once the
    priest took him under his wing.
[10:13] W
    He was a kind man, you see.
[10:15] W
    That very kindness would
    prove to be his downfall,
[10:17] W
    as loan sharks took advantage of it
[10:19] W
    and took away not only the
    shrine, but also the children.
[10:23] W
    The problem child tried to
    repay his debt to the priest
[10:27] W
    by charging into their base and stealing
    the kids and the deed to the shrine.
[10:31] W
    But the sharks took their revenge,
[10:34] W
    razing the shrine to the ground.
[10:40] Hij
    What happened to that problem child?
[10:42] W
    Who knows?
[10:43] W
    I haven't seen him since.
[10:46] Hij
    Hear that, Kondo-san?
[10:49] Hij
    As we thought, this place
    is connected to the Ape Boy.
[10:54] Hij
    That problem child has to be
[10:57] Hij
    him.
[10:59] Kon
    Toshi, you're wrong.
[11:00] Kon
    I think that kid...
[11:04] (Flashback) W
    I hear that brat was up to no good again.
[11:06] (Flashback) W
    Apparently he stole radishes
    from Takosaku-san's farm.
[11:09] (Flashback) W
    What a horrible child.
[11:11] (Flashback) W
    They say he was raised by monkeys.
[11:15] (Flashback) E
    Don't let it get to you.
[11:17] (Flashback) E
    You're not a monkey.
[11:20] (Flashback) E
    If anything, you're a gorilla,
[11:22] (Flashback) E
    Isao.
[11:23] (Flashback) Kon
    I'm not even human?!
[11:27] Kon
    ...was probably me.
[11:31] Kon
    I thought this place looked familiar.
[11:34] Kon
    I see.
[11:35] Kon
    It was rebuilt after the fire, huh?
[11:36] Hij
    Why'd you show up in the story?!
[11:39] Kon
    Well, I was made to attend both
    the dojo and the temple school.
[11:44] Kon
    Rather than a problem child, I was
    just going through my thorny phase.
[11:46] Kon
    Everything about the world turned me on.
[11:49] Hij
    Thorny? More like horny!
[11:52] Kon
    For some reason, radishes
    got me especially aroused.
[11:54] Kon
    I didn't steal.
[11:55] Kon
    I was just yanking them all out.
[11:58] Kon
    And yet they called me a monkey's child...
[12:00] Hij
    Yanking? You mean wanking!
[12:04] W
    Wait, are you Isao-kun?
[12:08] Kon
    I thought it might be you...
[12:10] Hij
    Wait, do you know each other?
    Was she your teacher?
[12:13] Hij
    Loan Shark lady!
[12:15] W
    Isao-kun!
[12:17] Hij
    You're having a touching reunion with
    the one who burned down your school?
[12:20] W
    You got it all wrong.
[12:21] W
    I was the class madonna,
    Kori Hanako, a.k.a. Loanie Sharko.
SIGN    Kori Hanako (Loanie Sharko)
[12:24] W
    You're as bad with names as ever, I see.
[12:26] Hij
    How'd a classmate age so much?!
[12:28] Hij
    Also, that's not Kondo-san!
[12:31] Kon
    Sorry, sorry.
[12:31] Hij
    And you haven't gotten over radishes yet?!
[12:34] Hij
    Hey! In the end, who is Ape Boy?
[12:37] Hij
    Did this shrine have nothing to do with him?
[12:40] Kon
    Nah.
[12:42] Kon
    The answer is clear to see.
[12:45] Kon
    There was one person who loved this place,
[12:47] Kon
    and worshipped the Monkey
    God, more than anyone.
[12:55] Kon
    None other than Sensei.
[13:02] (Flashback) E
    Who cares if they call you
    a monkey or a gorilla?
[13:05] (Flashback) E
    Look.
[13:07] (Flashback) E
    You need only be like the Sun Monkey God,
[13:09] (Flashback) E
    and become a man as warm as sunshine.
[13:14] (Flashback) Kon
    Can I? Am I really capable of that?
[13:17] (Flashback) E
    You can.
[13:19] (Flashback) E
    In this school, you definitely can.
[13:23] (Flashback) E
    So don't steal anymore.
[13:28] (Flashback) G
    Sensei!
[13:31] (Flashback) L
    If you won't hand over the land,
    then you leave us no choice.
[13:34] (Flashback) L
    Come by when you've made up your mind
    to trade the shrine for these kids,
[13:38] (Flashback) L
    Sensei.
[13:46] (Flashback) G
    Isao-kun!
[13:47] (Flashback) Kon
    What are you doing? Run away already!
SIGN    Hiyoshi Shrine Deed
[13:53] (Flashback) G
    The deed!
[14:03] (Flashback) G
    S-Sorry, Sensei. We...
[14:09] (Flashback) E
    Don't tell Isao... about this.
[14:12] (Flashback) E
    You haven't done anything to apologize for.
[14:18] (Flashback) E
    You simply tried to protect this
    place in the Monkey God's stead.
[14:22] (Flashback) E
    I'm the one who must apologize.
[14:26] (Flashback) E
    Forgive me.
[14:28] (Flashback) E
    I'm no teacher or Monkey God.
[14:32] (Flashback) E
    Just a powerless ape.
[14:39] W
    I still can't forget Sensei's
    expression from back then.
[14:44] W
    Even he disappeared somewhere after that.
[14:48] G
    How much longer, Sensei?
[14:50] W
    Oh, dear.
[14:52] Hij
    Looks like his temple school was still going.
[14:56] Hij
    Even after losing everything
    and becoming Ape Boy,
[15:01] Hij
    he hid his identity and the source of the money
[15:04] Hij
    and continued to protect this place.
[15:09] Kon
    It's not just the shrine.
[15:11] Kon
    Sensei...
[15:15] (Flashback) G
    Where are you going?
[15:17] (Flashback) G
    He said he didn't want you
    coming to the shrine anymore.
[15:21] (Flashback) G
    Said he doesn't want a hooligan
    like you coming around.
[15:28] G
    Sensei was protecting me, too.
[15:31] G
    And to do it, he even dabbled in
    the thievery he despised so much.
[15:35] Hij
    That might be his way of atoning for his sins.
[15:40] Hij
    But things can't stay like this.
[15:43] Hij
    We've gotta end this.
[15:48] Kon
    What crimes did he commit?
[15:50] Kon
    All he did was protect the people
    being oppressed by villains!
[15:56] Kon
    More than that, Sensei
    doesn't have much time left.
[16:01] Kon
    We could at least let him
    breathe his last in peace—
[16:03] Hij
    You're saying that?
[16:06] Hij
    After making a promise to him,
[16:09] Hij
    are you really going to say that?
[16:13] Kon
    Toshi...
[16:15] Kon
    I...
[16:20] Hij
    What's up?
[16:22] Hij
    What? The Ape Boy?
[16:28] P
    Find him! Sniff him out!
[16:38] E
    How the mighty have fallen.
[16:40] E
    Looks like a bunch of rides are here
    to pick me up earlier than expected.
[16:45] E
    But I still have something to do—
[16:49] G
    No need to worry, Gramps.
[16:52] G
    We're not letting the
    officials have your head.
[17:01] C
    The Ape Boy showed up again.
[17:03] C
    By the time we got here, it was too late.
[17:05] Hij
    You even let the small fry get away?
[17:08] Hij
    Get your white robes ready.
[17:11] Hij
    Check all the shady financiers in the area.
    There has to be an accomplice somewhere.
[17:15] C
    About that...
[17:16] C
    Every single one of them
    is completely deserted.
[17:21] C
    It would appear they joined forces and placed
    traps all over Edo to capture Ape Boy.
[17:28] C
    At this point, we police aren't
    the only ones chasing him.
[17:31] C
    Criminals all over Edo are after his head.
[17:36] Hij
    Step on it!
[17:39] Hij
    Kondo-san...
[17:41] Hij
    Policeman, or a thief's disciple...
[17:43] Hij
    Feel free to pick whichever you want.
[17:46] Hij
    Wherever you go, I...
[17:49] Hij
    We're ready to follow in your footsteps.
[17:55] (Flashback) Kon
    I get it, Dad.
[17:57] (Flashback) Kon
    I won't ask about the shrine anymore.
[18:01] (Flashback) Kon
    In the end, I couldn't protect a thing, right?
[18:06] (Flashback) Kon
    But in return, I have a favor to ask.
[18:10] (Flashback) Kon
    I want to be strong.
[18:12] (Flashback) Kon
    Strong enough to protect everything.
[18:19] Hij
    One monkey defied his own teachings and
[18:23] Hij
    became a notorious thief to
    protect all that he cared about.
[18:28] Hij
    The other monkey
[18:30] Hij
    adhered to his teachings and became a
    policeman to protect all that he cared about.
[18:37] G
    Wh-Who are you?
[18:40] Hij
    That's the only difference between you two.
[18:43] Hij
    Both of you tried to protect
    something as simply...
[18:47] Kon
    An ape.
[18:55] G
    He took out the lights!
[18:57] G
    Q-Quit freaking out!
[18:58] G
    There's only one enemy. Get him!
[19:08] G
    Wh-What's going on here? Is he really alone?
[19:16] G
    What are you doing?
    Turn on the light already!
[19:19] G
    What's wrong?
[19:28] G
    Y-You bastards...
[19:30] G
    You can't be a cop or a thief
    unless you have good night vision.
[19:35] G
    But petty thieves like you,
    who simply prey on the weak,
[19:43] G
    have no right to live in the day or night!
[19:46] Kon
    Throw them all behind bars!
[19:55] Kon
    Hey, Gramps!
[19:57] Kon
    Pull yourself together!
[19:58] Kon
    Can you hear me? Can you see me?
[20:00] Kon
    Gramps!
[20:01] E
    I can't see a thing...
[20:06] Kon
    Gramps!
[20:07] E
    But I recognize that annoying voice.
[20:12] E
    I'm amazed you overcame that
    numerical disadvantage.
[20:15] E
    That's the second Ape Boy for you.
[20:21] Kon
    Weren't you the one who taught
    me the rules of thievery?
[20:26] Kon
    But I'm sorry.
[20:28] Kon
    I couldn't abandon my friends, after all.
[20:33] Kon
    I couldn't leave you as a thief.
[20:38] Kon
    I'm a failure as a disciple.
[20:42] E
    You're not a failure at all.
[20:44] E
    I was also the one who taught
    you not to steal, wasn't I?
[20:49] E
    You came to stop me this time, right?
[20:55] E
    I knew all along.
[20:59] E
    A nincompoop like you could never be a thief.
[21:04] E
    But you've grown into a fine man,
[21:08] E
    Isao.
[21:11] E
    Now, cuff me before I die,
[21:15] E
    with your own hands.
[21:18] Kon
    What are you talking
    about, you senile geezer?
[21:22] Kon
    I've had you cuffed for a long time now.
[21:28] Kon
    I'm not letting you escape
    anymore, you hear me?
[21:36] Kon
    Sensei...
[21:40] E
    That so?
[21:42] E
    These sure are some
[21:45] E
    warm... cuffs...
[22:55] G
    Sensei!
[22:56] G
    Look, there are offerings again!
[22:58] G
    But we missed him again!
[23:00] G
    And here we wanted to find
    out who he was this time...
[23:03] W
    This isn't a human's doing.
[23:05] G
    What? Is it a demon?
[23:07] G
    A monster monkey?
[23:08] G
    A Saiyan?!
[23:10] W
    It's nothing like that.
[23:15] W
    Welcome home,
[23:18] W
    Monkey God.
SIGN    Afros of Life and Death
[23:35] Gin
    Infiltrate the Shinsengumi? Seriously?
[23:38] Kat
    A samurai is always serious, whether
    he has straight long hair or an afro.
SIGN    Preview
[23:42] Gin
    And you're telling me a new character
    shows up 294 episodes in?
[23:46] Kat
    I won't lose, no matter what
    kind of afro may appear!
SIGN    When Katsura Kotaro infiltrates the Shinsengumi,
SIGN    finally, at long last, after what seems like an eternity,
SIGN    the Shinsengumi Third Squad Captain, Saito Shimaru, appears before him!!
SIGN    Actually, his name's been mentioned in the show for quite a while now.