E48 - The More You're Alike, the More You Fight

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    [Today's opening is a short one! This episode has a lot going on.]
SIGN    [Sorry, Yo-King-san. We couldn't do a second part next week.]
[00:27] Third Son
    What? You mean even Matsumura, Degawa and the others were arrested?
[00:32] Third Son
    Damned Shinsengumi.
[00:35] Second Son
    From what I've heard, even Katsura and Takasugi left Edo to escape their pursuit.
[00:41] Third Son
    Cowards, all of 'em.
[00:43] Third Son
    Have they forgotten the Yamato spirit that drives us to save our country without the fear of death?
[00:47] Second Son
    But... This may be a good opportunity.
[00:50] ---
    If we, The Three Parco Brothers, act now,
[00:54] ---
    we could be the leaders of the Anti-Foreginer Faction before Katsura and Takasugi return.
[00:57] Eldest Son
    They may be called the special police, but they're just a bunch of old country samurai.
[01:03] Eldest Son
    If we take out their leader, they'll become like sheep without a shepherd.
[01:09] Eldest Son
    Our target is the Shinsengumi's brains, the demon vice-chief, Toshiro Hijikata.
SIGN    ["The More You're Alike, the More You Fight"]
[01:19] Hijikata
    Pops, the usual.
[01:21] Owner
    Okay.
[01:22] Owner’S Wife
    Oh, this is the first time I've seen you without your uniform, Hijikata-san.
[01:26] Hijikata
    I'm off today.
[01:29] ---
    When you're single, it's hard to find things to do.
[01:32] Owner
    Better than having a wife nag you all day.
[01:34] Hijikata
    Really?
[01:35] Owner’S Wife
    Stop that, Dear.
[01:38] Third Son (M)
    The demon vice-chief is totally off guard.
[01:41] Third Son (M)
    It'd be easy to get rid of him.
[01:44] ---
    Shall we do it?
[01:47] Owner
    Here you go! The Hijikata special!
[01:54] Mituo (U)
    What the heck is he eating?
[01:58] Mituo (U)
    Makes me sick just watching.
[02:00] Proprietor
    Here you are. Uji Gintoki Bowl!
[02:05] Third Son (M)
    What?! Red bean jam on rice?!
[02:07] Hijikata/Gintoki
    Huh?
[02:08] Third Son
    What kind of diner is this?! Nothing but weirdos here!
[02:11] Gintoki
    Hey hey. Pardon me, but you with the mayonnaise dish-mind leaving?
[02:17] Gintoki
    Seeing you slop that into your mouth is gonna ruin my appetite. Right, buddy?
[02:21] Third Son
    Me?
[02:22] Hijikata
    If that's the case, then I think it'd be best if you left.
[02:25] Hijikata
    Anyone with such a messed up sense of taste, who puts red bean jam on rice,
[02:29] Hijikata
    has no right to eat in a diner. Right, buddy?
[02:32] Third Son
    Well, I...
[02:33] Gintoki
    Don't you know that since times long past, rice goes great with sweets?
[02:37] Gintoki
    Like an-pan and cakes. Right, buddy?
[02:41] Third Son
    Huh? I don't know.
[02:43] Hijikata
    Don't you know that a sophisticated palate
[02:45] Hijikata
    requires contrasting flavors to bring out a dish's distinctions?
[02:49] Hijikata
    Adding salt or tartness brings out the original flavor.
[02:53] Hijikata
    In other words, a ton of mayo.
[02:54] Hijikata
    Right, buddy?
[02:55] Third Son
    No...stop asking me. I'm not part of this.
[02:59] Gintoki
    Don't compare my red bean jam rice to your dog food.
[03:02] Gintoki
    This is a historic dish created by the Sandwich Shogun,
[03:07] Gintoki
    who was too lazy to eat dinner and dessert separately.
[03:11] ---
    Right, buddy?
[03:12] Third Son
    Who? Wouldn't Sandwich Shogun have invented sandwiches?
[03:15] Third Son
    That's rice.
[03:16] Hijikata
    Oh Yeah? Well, mine was created by General Barbarosa who grew tired
[03:20] Hijikata
    of eating rice and mayonnaise separately and created...
[03:23] Third Son
    Who the hell are these people?!
[03:25] Third Son
    And mayonnaise isn't a necessary food to have with every meal.
[03:28] Gintoki
    All right then, shall we compare which tastes better:
[03:32] Gintoki
    Uji Gintoki Bowl or your dog food special?
[03:35] ---
    Right, buddy?
[03:36] Third Son
    What do you mean, "Right, buddy"?
[03:37] Hijikata
    Bring it on! Right, buddy?
[03:39] Third Son
    Hold it! It's not all right! What is this?! Why should I have to eat it?!
[03:43] Gintoki
    We need an objective opinion. That's why it has to be done by a complete stranger.
[03:47] Gintoki
    Right, buddy?
[03:48] Hijikata
    We're counting on you. Right, buddy?
[03:49] Third Son
    Right buddy?! You make it sound like its my name...
[03:54] Gintoki
    How is it, eh buddy? Isn't mine a lot tastier?
[03:57] ---
    Huh? Right buddy?
[03:58] Hijikata
    Right buddy!
[04:01] Proprietor
    Thank you very much.
[04:04] Eldest Son
    Tsk, we didn't anticipate such interference.
[04:07] Second Son
    Big Brother, who was that silver-haired guy?
[04:09] Eldest Son
    No idea.
[04:10] ---
    That's all right, Jiro.
[04:12] Eldest Son
    It's your turn. Don't blow it.
[04:16] Hijikata (M)
    I feel awful.
[04:17] Hijikata (M)
    Why'd I have to run into him of all people on my day off.
[04:21] Hijikata (M)
    I was thinking of catching a movie, but...
[04:24] Hijikata
    It's for kids... I don't feel like watching it.
SIGN    [My Neighbor Pedro]
SIGN    [Note: This movie is obviously a play on "My Neighbor Totoro"]
[04:28] Girl
    Pedro, please help me!
[04:31] Girl
    My younger sister, Oshizu, is lost.
[04:34] Girl
    She's crying by herself somewhere.
[04:36] Girl
    Please, Pedro.
[04:38] Pedro
    You try calling the cops?
[04:41] Girl
    Please, Pedro!
[04:43] Pedro
    They cut my phone off.
[04:45] Girl
    Please, Pedro!
[04:47] Pedro
    You're just like all the rest.
[04:48] Pedro
    You only come asking, "Pedro, Pedro" when you need help.
[04:51] Pedro
    The other day, you were playing Ping-Pong Dash. I know everything!
[04:56] Hijikata
    It's really getting to me...
[04:58] Hijikata
    This kids' movie speaks to adults, too. It's a movie all adults should see.
[05:03] Second Son (M)
    Is he seriously crying over this?
[05:05] ---
    But this darkness will make the job easier.
[05:08] Second Son (M)
    Right from behind.
[05:10] Second Son (M)
    One stab.
[05:11] Gintoki
    Hey. You there!
[05:12] ---
    Your sniveling is too loud.
[05:15] ---
    I can't hear a thing.
[05:16] ---
    What did Pedro just say?
[05:18] ---
    What was it about Ping-Pong Dash?
[05:19] Hijikata
    Sorry. Seems Pedro and that girl are about to...
[05:23] Hijikata
    You again! What's with you?!
[05:26] Hijikata
    Showing up everywhere I go!
[05:28] Gintoki
    That's my line, stupid!
[05:30] ---
    What? You desperate for friends or something?!
[05:32] ---
    You wanna be friends?
[05:33] Hijikata
    Idiot!
[05:34] Hijikata
    I wondered who the annoying guy munching on popcorn behind me was!
[05:38] Hijikata
    Get out! Get out right now!
[05:39] Gintoki
    Shut up!
[05:40] Gintoki
    I was just trying to get some popcorn out from between my teeth!
[05:43] ---
    Now you've made me lose track of the whole story!
[05:48] ---
    I may as well just finish my popcorn and leave!
[05:52] Hijikata
    That's what happens when a samurai eats such frivolous foods.
[05:56] ---
    You an idiot or something?
[05:57] ---
    Popcorn head! I hope your head pops!
[06:01] Gintoki
    I don't want to hear that from a mayo samurai!
[06:03] Gintoki
    How do you set that slicked-down hair of yours?!
[06:06] Gintoki
    With mayonnaise or something?!
[06:09] Hijikata
    Step outside! What offering do you want me to put by your gravestone?
[06:12] Hijikata
    Red beans? Popcorn?
[06:14] Gintoki
    What?!
[06:15] Second Son
    Ow ow ow ow. That hurts!
[06:16] Moviegoer A
    Hey! Keep it down, you guys!
[06:18] Moviegoer B
    If you're gonna fight, take it outside.
[06:20] Moviegoer B
    You're bothering people!
[06:23] Gintoki
    What's the matter with you losers?
[06:25] Gintoki
    Watching this crappy movie in the middle of the day.
[06:28] Gintoki
    Go to work, lazy people.
[06:29] Gintoki
    That's what this guy in the sedge hat said.
[06:31] Second Son
    Huh?!
[06:32] Hijikata
    "I'm pissed. Come up here and fight!" He said that too.
[06:36] Second Son
    Wait! Why would I...?!
[06:37] Moviegoer C
    Fine! Let's do this!
[06:39] Moviegoer C
    Get him!
[06:44] Second Son
    Ow ow ow! Just a minute!
[06:46] Second Son (M)
    Now's my chance. If I can use the confusion to...
[06:48] Second Son (M)
    ...finish him...
SIGN    [Note: Satou Youko, the Art Director of this Episode, is listed in the credits]
[06:55] Hedero
    Everyone.
[06:57] Hedero
    Let's just quietly watch the movie.
SIGN    
[07:04] Gintoki
    This movie makes me cry.
[07:09] Eldest Son
    Damn Hijikata and that silver-haired guy.
[07:12] Eldest Son
    I'll get them for sure next time.
[07:14] Eldest Son
    I will avenge my younger brothers.
[07:16] Hijikata (M)
    Why do I have to be so exhausted on my day off?
[07:20] Hijikata (M)
    Everywhere I go, I run into that bastard.
[07:23] ---
    I hate to admit it, but it seems we almost think alike.
[07:32] Hijikata (M)
    I feel like taking a hot bath and a nap in a massage chair.
[07:36] Hijikata (M)
    But I won't be tricked again.
[07:38] Hijikata (M)
    The fact that I'm thinking this now means he's probably thinking the same thing.
[07:41] Hijikata (M)
    So I should say the opposite and go where he doesn't want to go...
[07:45] Hijikata (M)
    but he's probably thinking that too,
[07:47] Hijikata (M)
    so I have to use reverse psychology and head straight for the Spa Land.
[07:51] ---
    Huh? Did I just write a composition? He's thinking the same thing, so...
[07:55] Hijikata
    I'll do the opposite of the opposite!
[08:00] Gintoki
    Hijikata-kun, cut it out already.
[08:06] Gintoki
    I thought you'd show up again at the place I wanted to go,
[08:10] Gintoki
    so I thought of going where I didn't want to go,
[08:13] Gintoki
    but I didn't like the idea of going where I don't want to go because of you,
[08:16] Gintoki
    so I'll be true to myself and...
[08:17] Gintoki
    Then, I thought, "Was that just a composition?" And came here.
[08:20] Hijikata
    Dammit. Only the "composition" part matched.
[08:23] ---
    I was a fool to try to read too deeply into your psyche.
[08:26] Gintoki
    Well, never mind.
[08:27] Gintoki
    It must be some kind of destiny that we keep meeting like this.
[08:30] Gintoki
    Now get outta here.
[08:31] Hijikata
    Why do I have to take directions from you?
[08:34] Hijikata
    If someone's leaving, it should be you.
[08:36] Gintoki
    Hey, are you a primary school kid or something?
[08:39] Gintoki
    If we keep meeting like this, we'll get into a fight,
[08:42] Gintoki
    so it'd be best if we didn't meet at all.
[08:43] Gintoki
    It's a very mature idea.
[08:46] Hijikata
    So you should be the one to leave.
[08:48] Gintoki
    Look, you, don't say that!
[08:50] Gintoki
    I was thinking of leaving,
[08:52] Gintoki
    but if I leave after you tell me to, then it's as though I followed your orders!
[08:55] Gintoki
    Now I can't leave!
[08:57] Gintoki
    Try to understand, brat!
[08:58] Hijikata
    Shut up! You're a brat!
[08:59] Gintoki
    Let me make this clear: I'm not leaving until you do.
[09:02] Hijikata
    Who're you kidding! I'm not leaving either.
[09:04] Eldest Son (M)
    Their stupidity is so alike.
[09:07] Gintoki
    Never mind. Just get out.
[09:07] Eldest Son (M)
    You can both keep on arguing in here.
[09:09] Hijikata
    You get out!
[09:11] Eldest Son
    Waste away.
[09:12] Eldest Son
    I'll just put this here.
[09:13] Eldest Son (M)
    Until you shrivel up.
[09:16] Hijikata
    Hey, enough already.
[09:19] Hijikata
    You're covered with sweat.
[09:21] Hijikata
    You'll collapse from dehydration.
[09:23] Hijikata
    I'm fine, though.
[09:24] Gintoki
    I'm not so weak.
[09:27] Gintoki
    Your smile's twitching.
[09:29] Gintoki
    You need a drink of water, don't you?
[09:30] Gintoki
    I'm fine, though.
[09:32] Hijikata
    No, I'm more okay than you.
[09:35] Gintoki
    No, my okay is better than your okay.
[09:39] Hijikata
    That's what you say, but I know you're struggling.
[09:42] Hijikata
    I can see right through you.
[09:44] Gintoki
    Don't be ridiculous.
[09:46] Gintoki
    I love saunas.
[09:48] Gintoki
    I love to steam.
[09:50] Gintoki
    The other day, I steamed buns for Shinpachi.
[09:53] Gintoki
    I get carried away.
[09:54] Gintoki
    Shall I raise the temperature in here?
[09:57] Gintoki
    I like it hotter, you see.
[10:00] Eldest Son (M)
    What?! He raised the temperature even higher.
[10:04] Hijikata
    Not enough. Pour the entire bucket in.
[10:07] Eldest Son (M)
    Those fools!
[10:09] Eldest Son (M)
    You're sealed in there, you know! You can't get out!
[10:14] Gintoki
    Hijikata, Paradise!
[10:16] Gintoki
    What an adrenaline rush.
[10:16] Eldest Son (M)
    Now, you'll really go to Paradise.
[10:18] Gintoki
    Nothing like risking your life!
[10:21] Gintoki
    Don't force yourself.
[10:23] Gintoki
    Aren't you just about unconscious yet?
[10:25] ---
    Give up, you.
[10:27] ---
    Just so you know, I'm not giving up. Really.
[10:28] Eldest Son (M)
    Hey! Who does he think he's talking to?!
[10:31] Eldest Son (M)
    Who're you talking to?!
[10:33] Hijikata
    Looks like you've reached your limit.
[10:35] ---
    Huh? This cigarette has no taste.
[10:37] Eldest Son (M)
    That's not a cigarette!
[10:40] Gintoki
    Seriously, give it up already.
[10:43] Hijikata
    What? What is it with you?
[10:45] Hijikata
    You plan on dying here?
[10:47] Hijikata
    Because of your stupid stubbornness?
[10:49] Gintoki
    Even a guy like you has a lot of people who would mourn your death!
[10:52] Gintoki
    If you still won't give up, it's just your ego!
[10:55] Gintoki
    You're an idiot!
[10:57] Gintoki
    For your own good, give up!
[10:59] Gintoki
    Please. I'll give you 300 yen.
[11:01] Hijikata
    Who'd give up for 300 yen?!
[11:04] Eldest Son (M)
    They are such fools.
[11:07] Eldest Son (M)
    So why, why is it...
[11:09] ---
    Why am I so moved by these fools?
[11:12] Eldest Son (M)
    We samurai of the Anti-Alien Faction risk our lives for our country.
[11:15] Eldest Son (M)
    These men who can put their lives on the line for something this silly... Is it any different?
[11:20] Gintoki
    Hey...
[11:23] Gintoki
    Man, you are a piece of work...
[11:26] Gintoki
    I give up. Looks like this match...
[11:29] Gintoki
    is yours.
[11:34] Hijikata
    Hey!
[11:36] Gintoki
    S-Sorry to impose, but tell those guys...
[11:42] Gintoki
    Bye-Bye.
[11:46] Hijikata
    You...
[11:47] Hijikata
    That's too much work for me.
[11:50] Hijikata
    Go tell them yourself.
[11:52] Eldest Son (M)
    I can't do it. I can't kill such courageous men...
[11:57] ---
    I can't.
[11:58] Eldest Son
    Hey!
[11:59] ---
    You guys! Quickly get out!
[12:02] Gintoki
    Just kidding! Sucker!
[12:04] Gintoki
    What?!
[12:05] Hijikata
    I told you-I can read you like a book!
[12:11] Gintoki
    Owwww...
[12:13] Hijikata
    Tsk, a draw.
[12:15] Gintoki
    No, you totally got out first!
[12:18] Hijikata
    No, you did!
[12:21] Gintoki
    What?
[12:22] Hijikata
    Who is this guy?
SIGN    
[12:31] Yot-Chan
    Kagura-chan, found you!
[12:33] Yot-Chan
    I kicked...
[12:35] Yot-Chan
    the can!
[12:39] Shin-Chan
    Yot-chan!
[12:42] Shin-Chan
    Get a hold of yourself, Yot-chan!
[12:44] Ken-Chan
    Hey, dummy!
[12:45] Ken-Chan
    The rule is no kicking if one of us is within one meter of the can!
[12:49] Kagura
    Never heard of such a wimpy rule.
[12:52] Yot-Chan
    Forget it! She doesn't know how to hold back!
[12:55] Ken-Chan
    You go way too far for kick the can. Stupid!
[12:58] Yot-Chan
    We won't play with you anymore. Stupid. Stupid.
[13:02] Kagura
    Hmph.
[13:03] ---
    Wimps.
[13:04] ---
    Going all out is what makes a game fun.
[13:07] Master
    Well said. That's exactly right.
[13:11] Master
    Because when you go all out, you perform at a level above your abilities.
[13:15] Master
    If you try as hard as you can at everything you do, even the boring becomes fun.
[13:19] Master
    Everything in the world is just one big game.
[13:22] Master
    Young lady, how about it? Want to play "kick the can" with me?
[13:26] Kagura
    Gin-chan says I shouldn't play with strange men I don't know.
[13:30] Master
    But it's okay if it's an old guy you don't know, right?
[13:32] Kagura
    No. All men are scum.
[13:34] Master
    You're young, but very street smart.
[13:37] Master
    I like you even more now.
[13:39] Master
    Then how about we ask your folks to join us, eh?
[13:42] Kagura
    Don't treat me like a kid, you old fart!
[13:44] Shinpachi
    Isn't that Kagura-chan?
[13:46] Gintoki
    Yeah, there she is. Hey!
[13:51] Woman
    I was shocked.
[13:53] Woman
    He seemed so healthy just a while back.
[13:56] Hattori
    He suddenly collapsed two nights ago.
[13:58] Hattori
    We were surprised, but I think he was even more surprised.
[14:02] Woman
    So true. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring, that's for sure.
[14:07] Woman
    Please don't let this depress you too much, Zen-chan.
[14:10] Hattori
    Yes. Thank you very much.
[14:13] Hattori
    This is such a drag.
[14:16] ---
    Why do I have go through all these suffocating formalities for my stinking old man?
[14:21] Gintoki
    Kick the can?
[14:22] Kagura
    Yeah. The old man wants us all to play together. Let's do it.
[14:27] Gintoki
    What're you saying?
[14:29] Gintoki
    I told you until my underarms went sour, do not talk to men you don't know.
[14:32] Gintoki
    You're a fool. Do you want to get kidnapped?
[14:34] Master
    He's not any man, he's an "old" man. Isn't that okay?
[14:37] Gintoki
    Quiet. Men are all scum.
[14:40] ---
    Let's go.
[14:41] ---
    Better an old woman you know than an old man you don't.
[14:43] ---
    She's treating us to yakiniku. That doesn't happen too often.
[14:46] ---
    In these times, old ladies are better than old men.
[14:49] ---
    Old ladies are awesome, you know.
[14:51] Gintoki
    In times of pain... In such times... You can rely on a granny. In other words...
[14:51] ---
    
[14:52] ---
    
[14:54] ---
    
[14:55] ---
    
[14:55] Otose
    That spells "Old Bitch," you idiot!
[14:57] Master
    Hey!
[14:59] Master
    It's okay, let's play. Just kick the old hag. Er can!
[15:03] Catherine
    How dare you! You old fart!
[15:04] Gintoki
    Hey, leave it alone!
[15:07] Catherine
    You want me to kick it? I'll kick it for ya!
[15:13] Catherine
    Bring that back within twenty seconds, and we'll play with you, old fart.
[15:17] Shinpachi
    You're evil. Pure evil!
[15:19] Kagura
    Catherine, don't abuse the elderly!
[15:22] Catherine
    Shut up. I've got to eat. I need some protein.
[15:26] Catherine
    Come on, let's go before the old hag changes her mind!
[15:28] Otose
    Catherine, get out of here and watch the shop.
[15:31] Otose
    If you're not nice to the elderly, don't expect the elderly to be nice to you.
[15:36] Catherine
    What are you saying?
[15:37] Catherine
    You're not a senior citizen, Otose-san.
[15:40] Catherine
    You're still young and vibrant.
[15:42] Master
    Okay, I got the can!
[15:44] ---
    Let's start the game!
[15:48] Go
    It's a pity we lost such a great man.
[15:51] Go
    Even the most formidable warrior of the Oniwabanshu could not defeat old age.
[15:54] Hattori
    What're you talking about?
[15:56] Hattori
    He was nothing more than a good-for-nothing old perv who was out all year long.
[15:59] Hattori
    You don't know how much trouble he caused me.
[16:02] Go
    No, no. No mere pervert could be a teacher at Ninja School.
[16:07] Go
    All the renowned ninja in Edo these days were brought up by your father.
[16:13] Go
    You call him a good-for-nothing, but I loved that mischievous side of him.
[16:19] Sachan
    Master!
[16:23] Sachan
    Wh...huh? I got here as fast as I could when I heard he was in critical condition.
[16:28] Hattori
    Dad already died. The critical night was two nights ago.
[16:31] Sachan
    What? That can't be!
[16:33] Sachan
    Master! Damn crucial night!
[16:35] Hattori
    Hey, the guy being bent in half under your feet might be in a crisis too.
[16:38] Hattori
    He's in a V-shape.
[16:40] Sachan
    Oh...
[16:43] Otose
    Let's just quickly end this.
[16:46] Master
    I just love this tension.
[16:49] Master
    I feel like I'm a kid again.
[16:52] ---
    Are y'all ready, boys and girls?!
[16:54] ---
    Here comes the old man!
[16:56] Gintoki
    Where're you headed? The afterlife?
[16:58] ---
    Man, why do we have to play with an old geezer we don't even know?
[17:02] Shinpachi
    All I wanted was to eat yakiniku.
[17:04] Shinpachi
    I'm starving.
[17:07] Shinpachi
    I'm sorry, old guy, but I'll just let myself get caught so we can end this game quickly.
[17:11] Kagura
    How dare you say such a thing!
[17:12] Kagura
    You're choosing to lose without even trying?
[17:14] Kagura
    You call yourself a soldier?!
[17:16] Kagura
    We call people like you losers!
[17:19] Kagura
    Sergeant, please refer this loser to the military tribunal.
[17:22] Gintoki
    Don't bark so loud, Private Chihuahua.
[17:24] Gintoki
    If we have to play...we're not gonna lose.
[17:27] Kagura
    Yakiniku tastes way better after a win than a defeat, Sergeant.
[17:30] Gintoki
    You said it, PFC Chihuahua.
[17:32] Gintoki
    Kick the can is but a child's game.
[17:35] Gintoki
    You win if you topple that can before you're spotted by "It".
[17:38] Gintoki
    You need a strategy to knock it over without being detected.
[17:41] Gintoki
    With that in mind...
[17:43] Gintoki
    Get ready to fire.
[17:44] Kagura
    Aye aye, Sir!
[17:44] Shinpachi
    Is that what you call kick the can, Sergeant?
[17:46] Gintoki
    It's kick the can in its purest form.
[17:49] Gintoki
    Remember your childhood days.
[17:51] Gintoki
    Remember when you were the kid who cried
[17:53] Gintoki
    because the hostages he caught were freed when the wind blew over the can.
[17:56] Gintoki
    If that can happen, then so can this.
[17:58] Shinpachi
    You can't do that. That was just an act of nature!
[18:01] Kagura
    You're too soft!
[18:03] Kagura
    The whole joy of kick the can is to knock the can over by any means necessary
[18:06] Kagura
    and then enjoy watching "It" cry in despair!
[18:09] Kagura
    I don't know how many times the can got knocked over,
[18:14] Kagura
    and how many times I cried as I pretended to count to 100 while everyone hid.
[18:21] Kagura
    It's a game of triumph and tears...
[18:25] Kagura
    That's kick the can!
[18:36] Shinpachi
    Hey! This isn't kick the can, it's murder!
[18:39] Shinpachi
    Pure murder!
[18:41] Gintoki
    Chihuahua! Who ordered you to hit the old man?
[18:44] Kagura
    Sergeant! Begging the Sergeant's pardon, but that grenade was thrown by you!
[18:48] ---
    This is a matter for the military tribunal!
[18:50] Shinpachi
    This isn't fantasyland!!
[18:51] Shinpachi
    You've killed him!!
[18:52] Gintoki
    Wait a minute!
[18:54] Master
    Up we go.
[18:55] Gintoki
    He got up like nothing happened!
[18:57] Kagura
    Tsk!
[18:58] Kagura
    Die, old man!
[19:00] Shinpachi
    You're not playing kick the can anymore!
[19:05] Shinpachi
    He's guarding the can with his cane!
[19:06] Kagura
    Tsk.
[19:07] Gintoki
    How is he moving like that?
[19:08] Master
    I see you. There you are.
[19:11] Gintoki
    Yikes! A kunai!
[19:14] Gintoki
    Wh...Who is he?
[19:17] Sachan
    What? Kick the can?
[19:18] Kaoru
    Oh, have you forgotten?
[19:20] Kaoru
    We played it a lot in Master's class.
[19:22] ---
    Kick the can demanded the ability to hide yourself and make instantaneous decisions.
[19:26] ---
    Making it exactly like an agent's work.
[19:29] Kaoru
    So as part of our ninja training, we played kick the can a lot, remember?
[19:34] Sachan
    Oh that. We did.
[19:36] Sachan
    Now that you mention it. It was fun.
[19:40] Kaoru
    If you can't remember, don't pretend like you do, okay?
[19:42] ---
    And why'd you come to the funeral dressed like that?
[19:45] Sachan
    I thought tonight was the crucial night and came straight over.
[19:48] Sachan
    I looked at it like taking a drive, you know, because it was "over the hill."
[19:52] Kaoru
    It was the crucial night, but you came dressed like that?
[19:55] Kaoru
    Anyway, I can't forget the smile on Master's face as he played kick the can.
[20:01] Kaoru
    I think he had more fun than we did.
[20:04] Kaoru
    He really was like a big kid.
[20:06] Kaoru
    I'm sure that's why all the kids loved him.
[20:10] Hattori
    What're you all of you talking about?
[20:18] Master
    You're wasting your time!
[20:19] Master
    Did you think you could beat me with your legs?
[20:22] Master
    Found you, four-eyes!
[20:24] Shinpachi
    You fell for my trap.
[20:27] Shinpachi
    A classic error in kick the can... over-pursuing one target!
[20:32] Master
    Dang...
[20:33] Gintoki
    That can is wide open!
[20:37] Gintoki
    Scraped my head! My head's been grated!!
[20:40] Master
    Fools! Found you, too, Silver Hair!
[20:43] Gintoki
    Shinpachi!
[20:44] Shinpachi
    Here!
[20:45] Master
    Now, I step on the ca...
[20:51] Gintoki
    Over my dead body!
[20:56] Master
    Found you, four-eyes and Silver Hair.
[20:59] Master
    I stepped on the can.
[21:01] Hattori
    Uh... My father loved playing kick the can.
[21:06] Hattori
    When I was little we often played it together.
[21:10] Hattori
    What a wonderful father he was to me.
[21:12] Hattori
    But he didn't pay too much attention to me, and it got in the way of his work.
[21:16] ---
    That was how I saw at it.
[21:19] Hattori
    Even after I became an adult, he'd invite me to play.
[21:23] ---
    I'd think, "What? That's odd? It was just Dad who wanted to play."
[21:27] ---
    That's how it seemed.
[21:29] Hattori
    Really, it's like he went straight from being a kid to being an old man.
[21:33] Hattori
    He always seemed happy.
[21:36] Hattori
    Which used to bother me when I was a teenager, but...
[21:39] Hattori
    on the other hand, I envied him.
[21:41] Master
    Kagura-chan, I see you.
[21:47] Hattori
    It's rather simple for people to become adults,
[21:51] Hattori
    but... it's not so easy to maintain a kid-like spirit
[21:54] Hattori
    where you can enjoy everything.
[21:57] Hattori
    And for that, yes, I must admire him.
[22:01] ---
    There is just one thing, however, that I can never forgive...
[22:04] Hattori
    That bastard sold all my JUMP to a used book store
[22:08] Hattori
    and bought a shit-load of porno DVDs!
[22:10] Hattori
    That makes me so angry!
[22:13] Hattori
    Oh, forgive me for losing it.
[22:16] Hattori
    But it makes me so angry, it brings tears to my eyes...
[22:20] Hattori
    I've said many things, but in summary, he was a crappy father.
[22:25] Hattori
    That's how he was, so he might come to your place and haunt you.
[22:30] Hattori
    When he does,
[22:32] Hattori
    please play kick the can with him.
[22:41] Sachan
    Huh?
[22:42] Hattori
    What is it?
[22:43] Sachan
    I thought I just saw him smile a little.
[22:47] Hattori
    What're you talking about? He's always had a smile.
[22:51] ---
    His face always ticked me off.
SIGN    
[24:25] Gintoki
    The next episode... "Life Without Gambling Is Like Sushi Without Wasabi!"
SIGN    [The Legendary Tsukiyomi no Kanbei is no small fry.]
SIGN    [Kada the Princess Peacock reigns over the casino. She is one of the Four Emperors of Kabukicho.]