E50 - "Once Upon a Time in China-Girl Gintama"" or “Pending Means Pending, It’s Not Final"

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Shinpachi
    Well, Gin Tama the anime has finally begun its second year.
[00:05] Gintoki
    But it's not like we're actually starting... More like we somehow slyly snuck into this.
[00:09] Kagura
    Correct! This is just the first step!
[00:11] Shinpachi
    Huh? We're not all set for the year?
[00:13] Gintoki
    You fool! Don't you know how many times Gin Tama was almost pulled?
[00:18] Kagura
    Low television ratings, changes in time slot and sponsorship, complaint letters...
[00:22] Shinpachi
    That's true. Thank goodness, we didn't get cancelled.
[00:24] Gintoki
    Before we started airing, everyone was saying,
[00:26] Gintoki
    "Hey, this is great. We'll be a hit in prime time."
[00:29] Gintoki
    But the moment ratings went down, they turned on us!
[00:34] Kagura
    Grown-ups are all dirty! I hate grown-ups!
[00:37] Shinpachi
    They sure took us off prime time fast.
[00:40] Gintoki
    In a flash... What's this, "Isn't it a better time for JUMP viewers?"
[00:45] Gintoki
    No matter how you put it, we got kicked outta prime!
[00:47] Kagura
    What if we keep getting bounced around and end up next to "Ladies 4"?!
[00:52] Shinpachi
    By the way, Otsu's song was banned from broadcast because of licensing issues.
[00:55] Gintoki
    If sponsors drop off because of such claims, this program's done for!
[00:59] Gintoki
    They'll say they want to up ratings, announce that Gin Tama is good for diets and we're done for!
[01:05] Kagura
    You're right!
[01:06] Shinpachi
    Watching anime as a diet?! There's no such thing!
[01:08] Kagura
    The producer said his stomach hurts and looks skinnier every time I see him!
[01:11] Shinpachi
    That wasn't from a diet. Anyway, Gin-san, don't scare us! Our second season is about to start!
[01:17] Gintoki
    Shut up! That's the very reason I'm saying we can't let down our guard!
[01:20] Gintoki
    If we think, "Oh boy, we can coast for one more year," we'll be dropped in six months!
[01:24] Shinpachi
    Huh?! Seriously?!
[01:25] Kagura
    Gin-chan, is Gin Tama going to end?
[01:28] Gintoki
    That's why we have to do whatever we can!
[01:32] Shinpachi
    Have to do...
[01:32] Kagura
    ...whatever we can?
[01:33] Gintoki
    That's...!
[01:33] Shinpachi/Kagura
    That's?
[01:34] Gintoki
    That comes after the commercial.
SIGN    [Gin Tama the anime's second year has begun. But there's something we have to do.]
[01:49] Gintoki
    Since the anime Gin Tama is beginning its second year, there is something we must do!
[01:55] Shinpachi
    Something we...
[01:56] Kagura
    ...must do?
[01:58] Gintoki
    That's...
[01:59] Shinpachi/Kagura
    That's?
[02:00] Gintoki
    Put some boost in it!
SIGN    [Put some boost in it!]
[02:04] Narrator
    Put some boost in it! The words mean just that.
[02:09] Narrator
    Programs that have slumped or programs that didn't get a swift start get some boost...
[02:13] Narrator
    and strategies are instigated to hike up its popularity.
[02:17] Narrator
    However,
SIGN    [However]
[02:19] Narrator
    it can get rather difficult with writers in an uproar, and sometimes the boost fails.
[02:24] Narrator
    And any action can be too late. So success is never guaranteed.
[02:32] Gintoki
    So speak up if you have any good ideas about how to make Gin Tama better.
[02:38] Shinpachi
    Well... The easiest and fastest solution is to change the title of the program.
[02:44] Shinpachi
    For example...
[02:54] Shinpachi
    Gin Tama 2.
[03:02] Shinpachi
    Or Gin Tamas.
[03:05] Shinpachi
    There's also Z and X or Second Season.
SIGN    [Note: X and Z, as in Dragon Ball X, etc.]
SIGN    [Note: Turn A as in Turn A Gundam.]
[03:09] Kagura
    What's the meaning of G, V and Turn A?
[03:12] Shinpachi
    Yeah, I think V stands for something.
[03:14] Gintoki
    How about we add something sad to make it seem like it's the final one?
[03:18] Gintoki
    Like "Farewell," or "Forever," or "Complete Version"?
SIGN    [Note: This refers to the anime Battleship Yamato]
[03:22] ---
    We just have to say, "A new journey begins," and start over again.
[03:26] Shinpachi
    Hey Gin-san... They're still fighting about that, so don't bring it up.
[03:29] Kagura
    I know! Let's get Makki to sing the theme song!
SIGN    [Note: This refers to pop singer Noriyuki Makihara.]
[03:32] Shinpachi
    I said they're still fighting about that!
[03:34] Gintoki
    Then how about we use, "More of" or "Again" like the Abunai series?
[03:37] Kagura
    In that case, "Tamatama Gin Tama" sounds better.
[03:40] Shinpachi
    What does that mean?!
[03:41] Gintoki
    Hmm... Well, just changing the title won't fool viewers these days.
[03:47] Gintoki
    If we're gonna do something, we have to go all out.
[03:50] Gintoki
    Like changing to a main robot or inventing new weapons. Power up in a way that's obvious.
[03:54] Shinpachi
    This anime has no robots or transformers.
[03:57] Gintoki
    Oh...
[03:57] Shinpachi
    Come on! You're hopeless. Maybe it's not the robot we should change, but the main character!
[04:03] Gintoki
    Are you serious?
[04:06] Shinpachi
    Kagura-chan?
[04:07] Kagura
    Changing main characters sounds good.
[04:09] Gintoki/Shinpachi
    Huh?!
[04:10] Kagura
    From next week on, I'll be the main character! We'll go forth with Gin Tama like this!
[04:20] Narrator
    The man swore his eternal love.
[04:22] Narrator
    And the woman swore to return his love.
[04:25] Narrator
    But then...
[04:27] Kagura (N)
    A single gun shot...
SIGN    ["Once Upon a Time in China-Girl"] [Gin Tama]
[04:35] Kagura (N)
    A chance encounter.
[04:39] Kagura (N)
    Two people fall in love...
[04:41] Kagura (N)
    And live a simple life.
[04:45] Kagura (N)
    But then...
[04:46] Kagura (N)
    One single bowl of noodles...
[04:48] Gintoki
    She's still eating that!
[04:52] Narrator
    The flow of time separates the two...
[04:58] Gintoki
    Kagura!!
[05:00] Kagura
    Gin-chan!
[05:02] Narrator
    Then the stage turns towards outer-space.
[05:05] Narrator
    What could Catherine be scheming?
[05:06] Catherine
    I said I, Catherine, will rule!
[05:10] Narrator
    And, what is this? The plan to destroy earth by Otose of Teradaya?!
[05:14] Narrator
    A young girl tossed around by fate!!
[05:18] Narrator
    The best in the Edo film world have been gathered to create this epic drama,
SIGN    [Directed by: Sonomanma Miyazaki (Puke Wars)] [Screenplay by: Kenta Nukesaku (Alien vs Yakuza)] [Music by: Joe Hisaishi (My Neighbor Pedro)] [Original Story by: Gasuko Hajida (Life is full of demons, curse you!)]
[05:23] Narrator
    Gin Tama: Once Upon a Time in China-Girl.
[05:28] Narrator
    You have yet to know the real Gin Tama.
SIGN    [Broadcast starts next week.]
[05:31] Kagura
    Oh, so touching!
[05:33] Otose
    Quit using my name without permission!
[05:36] Otose
    Hey, what's this? At times like these, why don't you come to me for help?
[05:41] Shinpachi
    Otose, when'd you get here?
[05:43] Otose
    Running a store and an anime are basically the same things.
[05:45] Otose
    You give customers what they want. And supplement whatever's missing.
[05:49] Shinpachi
    What's missing?
[05:51] Otose
    I've been thinking, the things you do are childish.
[05:55] Otose
    Fools are fine. But it gets pretty boring after a while.
[05:58] Catherine
    She means you lack a refreshing sexiness.
[06:02] Otose
    Evoke dreams, evoke happiness... That's the kind of story you must create.
[06:09] Otose
    Oh no!
[06:10] Catherine
    I'm late, I'm late!
[06:15] Catherine
    Oww!
SIGN    [Note: Japanese School Girl slang for Catherine]
[06:16] Otose
    Owww! No way! It's Cassapee!
[06:20] Catherine
    Otossechi, are you late too?
SIGN    [Note: Japanese School Girl slang for Otose]
[06:22] Narrators
    These two attend Kabukicho middle school...
[06:25] Narrators
    ...and are childhood friends.
[06:26] Narrators
    They're average girls, but...
[06:28] Narrators
    They have a secret, which is...
[06:31] Otose
    Oh no...
SIGN    [Note: In folklore, kappa or water imps will suck out your entrails/life force from your anus.]
[06:32] Catherine
    There's someone about to get their soul sucked out of their butt.
[06:37] Otose/Catherine
    Collecting debts! No mercy!
[06:41] Narrator
    Yes! These two are...
SIGN    [Note: Pretty Cure parody.]
[06:45] Otose/Catherine
    Magical Mature Females! We are Tama Cure Silver Soul!
[07:00] Otose
    We...
[07:02] Catherine
    ...will not lose!!
[07:03] Otose/Catherine
    Nuts, Kiss Chocolates, Persimmon Seeds!
[07:05] ---
    We'll fix things that are dried and old!
[07:16] Otose/Catherine
    The customer's always right!
[07:27] Narrator
    The friendship these two share will protect the world!
[07:30] Narrator
    We are Tama Cure Silver Soul!
[07:33] Gintoki
    Do you want us all to vomit to death?!
[07:35] Kagura
    You can keep fighting till the end of the century!
[07:38] Kagura
    You're revolting!
[07:40] Gintoki
    Instead of evoking dreams, you're evoking fear and despair!
[07:43] Katsura
    I agree.
[07:45] Gintoki
    Zura...
[07:47] Katsura
    It's not Zura. It's Katsura.
[07:49] Shinpachi (M)
    How long has he been sitting here? And he's totally ready to join the conversation.
[07:53] Katsura
    If you're going for it, you need something cutting edge. How about this?
SIGN    [Check it out!]
[08:12] Gintoki
    Yo Zura... Wazzup?
[08:17] Katsura
    It ain't Zura. It's Katsura.
[08:19] Gintoki
    What about work?
[08:20] Katsura
    I work at a ramen shop right now.
[08:24] Katsura
    Huh? Fired?
[08:26] Sachan
    I'm going to save up my money and leave this town someday.
SIGN    [You're genius.]
SIGN    [Your dreams will certainly come true.]
[08:36] Katsura
    Love... It can be so strong...
[08:44] Gintoki
    Love... It can be so sweet...
SIGN    [The Pork Back Rib (Rose) of Versailles]
[09:02] Katsura (N)
    If you believe, dreams will always come true.
SIGN    [Takarazura Opera Company -Gin Tama-]
[09:07] Katsura
    How about something like that?
[09:10] Shinpachi
    Something like that won't work. Just what is your dream, anyway?
[09:16] Shinpachi
    Huh? Sister!
[09:18] Shinpachi
    How unusual for the three of you to be together.
[09:20] Otae
    We're not together, Shin-chan.
[09:22] Sachan
    We just met up by chance.
[09:24] Sachan
    I don't meet up with anyone other than Gin-san around town.
[09:27] Gintoki
    I've never heard that before. And what?
[09:29] Gintoki
    More troublesome guys? What're you doing here?
[09:33] Otae
    Isn't it obvious?
[09:35] Hasegawa
     I heard you're thinking of a boosting strategy. The least you could've done was called me.
[09:41] Shinpachi
    What? You have an idea?
[09:43] Hasegawa
    This sort of thing is my specialty. I mean, I'm boosting my life, you know?
[09:48] ---
    Now listen, the way you change...
[09:50] Sachan
    Stimulation! Stimulation brings on more stimulation. That's the base power of boosting!
[09:54] ---
    For the second year, you need masochism. This era is crying out for sadism!
SIGN    [Banned in 42 states in the United States.]
SIGN    [A chilling, suspenseful thriller.]
SIGN    [NEVER watch this movie alone.]
[10:46] Sachan
    If pushing won't work, trying pulling. How about my idea for sadism? And shoot for prime ti--!
[10:52] Shinpachi
    That's not going to make us better. You'll only get us moved to fringe late-night programming!
[10:57] Gintoki
    Besides, how can something like that be approved, you idiot?!
[10:59] Sachan
    Oh... I think I prefer masochism, after all.
[11:02] Hasegawa
    Hey, just leave these things to me. Huh?!
[11:06] Otae
    That just won't do, Sarutobi-san.
[11:08] Sachan
    What?
[11:10] Otae
    What this program lacks is Struggle.
[11:13] ---
    Victory and Friendship.
[11:14] ---
    And when we defeat a foe, a stronger one is waiting in the wings.
[11:17] ---
    That's the kind of exciting adventure grabbing kids these days.
[11:24] Narrator
    From ancient times, there have been tales about the seven gems...
[11:29] Narrator
    and the six brave warriors who searched for them.
SIGN    [Note: This refers to the famous legend "Satomi Hakkenden."]
[11:34] Otae
    Let's go!!
[11:43] Narrator
    The warm friendship of youth...
[11:45] Katsura
    Never mind me, go!
[11:47] Otae
    I will not fail to protect you!
[11:54] Otae
    Bankai!
SIGN    [Note: reference to a term from the anime "Bleach."]
[11:58] Otae
    Gum-gum!
SIGN    [Note: reference to a term from the anime "One Piece."]
[12:03] Narrator
    The ultimate fantasy of the year!
[12:07] ---
    Gin Tama the Movie: DragonBleaPeace!
[12:11] Shinpachi
    No way! There's way too many risky references!
[12:15] Otae
    We'll capture the hearts of the youth with this!
[12:18] Gintoki
    And before that, the higher-ups will grab hold of our hearts and crush them.
[12:22] Hasegawa
    That's why...just leave it to me.
[12:26] Hasegawa
    At times like these, you need a glowing success story.
SIGN    ["You can't watch this masterpiece without bawling your eyes out." - Daily Edo Newspaper]
[12:31] Narrator
    The entire world cried.
SIGN    ["Bravo!! This movie will definitely change history." - O-Edo Weekly Newspaper]
[12:34] ---
    The touching success story...Madao.
SIGN    [A must see for the broken-hearted. I've never seen such a compelling human drama." - Edo Times Newspaper]
[12:40] Official
    Starting tomorrow, you don't have to come in.
[12:50] Narrator
    A man who has lost all hope...
[12:52] Narrator
    and a man who forgot about love.
[12:54] Narrator
    For them, a strange journey begins.
[13:31] Narrator
    The true way of life is found here. A Dumb Old Retarded Dork...
[13:36] Narrator
    Madao. Road of Gin Tama.
[13:39] Hasegawa
    What the heck?!
[13:40] Hasegawa
    Who changed my delusions?! It's not a success story at all.
[13:45] Kagura
    No, this may turn into a hit.
[13:48] Gintoki
    It may boost the image of social commentary anime.
[13:52] Hasegawa
    No one told me!!
[13:53] Otose
    Let's go with Tama Cure!
[13:55] Kagura
    No way! We should use my story.
[13:57] Hasegawa
    Hey, no one's heard my sto--!
[13:58] Sachan
    The age for sadism is now!
[13:59] Otae
    It's perseverance and courage!
[14:01] Hijikata
    The jig is up!
[14:03] Gintoki
    Hey, hey... What's the big idea? Were you invited? Or are you here to make trouble?
[14:08] Gintoki
    Really. No one called any one of you here.
[14:11] Hijikata
    We got word that Katsura is here. Where is he?
[14:15] Gintoki
    I dunno. Go home! Who gave you permission to stay?!
[14:19] Hijikata
    I don't know. Anyway, turn over Katsura! Otherwise, we'll haul all of you in!
[14:24] Gintoki
    We'll haul you guys! Don't think you can do whatever you please just because you're the police!
[14:29] Hijikata
    What?!
[14:31] Okita
    Anyway, what are you all discussing?
[14:35] Shinpachi
    Well, Gin Tama is going into its second year and we were discussing what should be done.
[14:42] Hijikata
    How stupid!
[14:43] Shinpachi
    Don't be so blunt! Unless we boost up ratings and succeed, we're all going down!
[14:48] Kagura
    You won't be able to suck on your beloved mayonnaise!
[14:51] Hijikata
    Boost it up?
SIGN    [World Gin Tama Cooking Show]
[14:56] Hijikata
    Welcome to the World Gin Tama Cooking Show. Now I'm going to introduce some great dishes.
[15:01] ---
    First, get some mayonnaise ready. Right on a plate.
[15:12] Hijikata
    Steve, Steve, I know, I know. Don't keep tasting it, right?
[15:18] Hijikata
    Then you put more mayonnaise and...It's done.
[15:22] Audience
    Oh!
[15:26] Hijikata
    This is the Gin Tama Cooking Show! See you next week
[15:32] Kagura
    That's it? You coward!
[15:36] Hijikata
    I'll ask the Chief about this!
[15:37] Shinpachi
    Kondo-san? Well, I don't think he needs to know.
[15:41] Kagura
    Forget about the gorilla.
[15:43] Kondo
    No, don't be shy. I fully understand all your concerns!
[15:47] Gintoki
    Not another troublemaker.
[15:50] Kondo
    Just relax and leave it to me
[15:54] Kondo
    Boosting it up is done like this...
[15:58] Kondo (N)
    One night, due to the pressures and worries of his work, Isao Kondo ran away from the Shinsengumi.
SIGN    [Isao Kondo, Shinsengumi Chief]
[16:04] Kondo (N)
    And he encountered a girl in town.
SIGN    [Tae Shimura, Press Reporter]
[16:10] Kondo (N)
    Upon discovering the man was the Chief of the Shinsengumi,
[16:13] Kondo (N)
    she took him to Kabukicho hoping for the scoop of the century.
[16:20] Kondo (N)
    However...
[16:21] Narrator
    The time to part had arrived.
[16:26] Kondo (N)
    At the very end, the two exchange words as their true selves.
[16:30] Otae
    I have a question for the Chief. What is your favorite town?
[16:34] Kondo
    Kabukicho. It's definitely Kabukicho.
[16:38] Narrator
    Romantic Love Story
[16:41] ---
    Roman Gin Tama.
SIGN    [Note: Refers to "Roman Holiday" with Gregory Peck, as the reporter, and Audrey Hepburn, as the princess.]
[16:43] Kondo
    How's that? Huh?!
[16:49] Kagura
    Roman Gin Tama?! Are you crazy?!
[16:51] Gintoki
    More like the "Escape of the Gorilla!"
[16:52] Shinpachi
    Besides, it isn't Rome! It's Kabukicho!
[16:54] Kondo
    Wait, wait, wait! I have another idea too.
[16:59] Kondo
    Otae-san! Oh, Otae-san! Wherefore art thou, Otae-san?!
[17:05] Kondo (N)
    Otae and Kondo:
[17:07] ---
    The Story of Two Star-Crossed Lovers.
SIGN    [Otae and Kondo]
[17:09] Shinpachi
    Enough!
[17:10] Gintoki
    He's taking the princess's lines!
[17:12] Kagura
    He's not a princess, he's a gorilla!
[17:15] Otae
    Oh, Kondo-san!
[17:17] Otae
    You're being rude to Shakespeare...
[17:19] Otae
    Not only that...
[17:20] Otae
    But it's also a supreme insult to me!
[17:23] Otae
    I sentence you to death!
[17:26] Okita
    Chief, if it's not shocking and exciting, it won't sell.
[17:31] Okita
    I have an excellent idea.
SIGN    [We're not able to show you the rest. Please wait a moment.]
[17:48] Kondo
    Poinsettia!
[17:50] Shinpachi
    S-Sorry! I didn't say it on purpose.
[17:54] Kagura
    Kamonanba kamonanba kamonanba.
[17:57] Gintoki
    Everyone, hang in there! It's just a psychological attack on our senses!
[18:00] Gintoki
    Grab onto something!
[18:02] Gintoki
    I'm sorry.
SIGN    [Note: "Ginpatsu" means "Silver Hair."]
[18:04] Prince Hata
    What is it, Ginpatsu?
[18:06] Gintoki
    Oh, you were just so close.
[18:08] Prince Hata
    You guys were so noisy, Koro ran away while we were taking a walk. What's the big fuss?
[18:14] Shinpachi
    Well...
[18:16] Prince Hata
    I see...trying to get some boost, eh? Then I'll give you a brilliant idea.
[18:20] Shinpachi
    No, I didn't say anything. I'm not finished explaining.
[18:24] Prince Hata
    It's news. What the people of the world need is love...
[18:28] ---
    and peace.
[18:31] Prince (N)
    An expansive meadow...
[18:34] Prince (N)
    A secret jungle...
[18:38] Narrator
    It is there, a prince...
[18:39] Narrator
    was born...
[18:43] Narrator
    Months and years pass and the prince grows up into a fine young man.
[18:54] Narrator
    But one day...
[18:59] Narrator
    In the peaceful jungle...
[19:01] Narrator
    ...danger approaches.
[19:10] ---
    All right.
[19:15] Narrator
    Now, with vast space as his stage,
[19:19] Narrator
    the Prince of the Jungle begins a new journey to find new friends!
[19:28] Narrator
    The Prince of Jungle.
[19:30] Shinpachi
    And where's the "love and peace"?! You abandoned your friends!
[19:33] Prince Hata
    In life, you have to know when to give up.
[19:35] Gintoki
    Hey! A monkey? You made me a monkey?!
[19:37] Kagura
    I don't want that either! Shinpachi is the only monkey!
[19:39] Shinpachi
    Only me?! What do you mean?!
[19:41] Kondo
    My story is still the best.
[19:43] Catherine
    That's why I hate amateurs! Speak for yourself!
[19:46] Katsura
    I think when we look at all the options, my idea is the best.
[19:51] Hijikata
    Just who are you?
[19:52] Katsura
    Just passing by, I'm Captain Katsura.
[19:54] Hijikata
    Whoever you are, my idea has the most heart and effort.
[19:57] Okita
    Isn't it going to be just another "The Dog Food of the World" kind of program?
[19:59] Hijikata
    Shut up! Hey!
[20:01] Kondo
    Toshi, stop! My idea is the best.
[20:03] Otae
    No way, gorilla! My idea is best.
[20:06] Otose
    No, we should go by age and that's me.
[20:08] Prince Hata
    No, my idea is the best.
[20:10] Sachan
    No, mine...
[20:11] Hasegawa
    My success story is...!
[20:12] Shinpachi
    Hey everyone... I haven't even had a word in edgewise.
[20:15] Kagura
    Shut up, four-eyes! You don't even have any character goods on sale, so shut up!
SIGN    [Note: Character goods as in tie-in merchandise.]
[20:20] Shinpachi
    And that's been really bothering me, too...
[20:29] Gintoki
    Shut up!!
[20:32] Gintoki
    I'd expected it, but this is really turning into a lot of drama.
[20:36] ---
    Anyway, since I'm the main character, I will decide!
[20:40] Kagura
    Gin-chan...
[20:42] Shinpachi
    You're right. You should make a firm decision right now!
[20:45] Gintoki
    Leave it to me. This is my answer!
[20:49] ---
    Sit and watch!
[23:51] Openingending Creditsgintoki
    Huh?
[23:53] Kagura
    Nothing's started.
[23:55] Shinpachi
    Not only did it not start, the ending is already over.
[23:58] Elizabeth
    Oh... See? Nothing's settled.
[24:01] Elizabeth
    I figured as much. It was a bad idea to leave it up to you guys in the first place.
[24:06] Katsura
    What're you saying, Elizabeth?
[24:09] Elizabeth
    I'm not Elizabeth today.
[24:12] Katsura
    Huh? Who are you?
[24:14] Gintoki
    C-Could you be...the direc...?
[24:17] Elizabeth
    That's right. I'm sorry. I'll do it right from next week on. I'm really sorry.
SIGN    
[24:25] Gintoki
    No way. This can't be happening. You've gotta be kidding!
SIGN    ["Milk Should be Served at Body Temperature."]
SIGN    [Gin-san has an illegitimate child?! Is he guilty?!]
SIGN    [We did it because I was upset. Now we apologize. Next time we're aiming for a serious Gin Tama.]