E79 - "Four Heads are Better than One"

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    [Shinpachi's Kodokan team and the Yagyu clan battle it out to bring back Otae.]
SIGN    [Minamito, who asked for a second chance, was ruthlessly eliminated by Tojo.]
[01:39] Tojo
    Having someone like you around would only disgrace the name of the dojo.
[01:45] Tojo
    I, Ayumu Tojo, head of the Four Yagyu Aces will not forgive anyone
[01:48] Tojo
    who tarnishes our Young Lord's name.
[01:53] Kyubei
    Wait, Tojo.
[01:55] Kyubei
    I'm going, too.
[01:56] Kyubei
    I thought they were just a bunch of hooligans,
[02:01] Kyubei
    but it seems they're actually quite skilled.
[02:04] Kyubei
    This is getting interesting.
[02:05] Tojo
    There's no need for you to go, Young Lord.
[02:07] ---
    I will defeat all five of them myself.
[02:10] Kyubei
    Never mind. I said I'm going.
[02:13] Tojo
    But if you get injured, I will have to commit harakiri.
SIGN    [Note: Harakiri is ritual suicide by disembowelment.]
[02:18] Kyubei
    So you think they're better than I am?
[02:21] Tojo
    Absolutely not. You are invincible, Young Lord.
[02:24] Tojo
    You are the hope of the Yagyu clan.
[02:25] Tojo
    All right, then...
[02:28] Tojo
    Just put these on and go... It looks like rain...
SIGN    ["Four Heads are Better than One"]
[02:39] Kyubei
    Cut it out! Can you please stop smothering me?
[02:42] Tojo
    Ever since you were a baby, Young Lord,
[02:45] Tojo
    it's been my duty to protect and care for you.
[02:47] Tojo
    You are so very dear to me!
[02:50] Tojo
    Please try to understand how I feel!
[02:55] Tojo
    Young Lord! Look out!
[02:59] Tojo
    Damn crow!
[03:01] Tojo
    How dare you poop on my Young Lord!
[03:03] ---
    I'll skewer and roast you like chicken!
[03:10] Hijikata
    I see...so they got Sogo.
[03:13] Hijikata
    Serves him right.
[03:16] Shinpachi
    Hijikata-san, that's not a cigarette.
[03:18] Shinpachi
    Where'd you get that?
[03:20] Shinpachi
    Come on. Pull yourself together. Are you all right?
[03:23] Shinpachi
    You're bleeding a lot.
[03:25] Hijikata
    Seems we both underestimated each other...
[03:28] ---
    I assumed it'd be easier.
[03:29] Shinpachi
    Hijikata-san, it's burning.
[03:31] Hijikata
    I thought they only knew dojo swordplay, but I was totally wrong.
[03:34] Hijikata
    If their flunkies can fight like that, I worry about what's waiting for us.
[03:36] ---
    Hijikata-san, that's very pretty.
[03:39] Hijikata
    Where the hell is your leader, anyway?
[03:43] Shinpachi
    Beats me.
[03:44] Hijikata
    Probably got taken out a long time ago.
[03:46] Shinpachi
    Kondo-san hasn't come back from the bathroom either. Is he okay?
[03:51] Shinpachi
    Are you sure you're okay, Hijikata-san?
[03:56] Shinpachi
    Yagyu...!
[03:58] Hijikata
    The big boys are finally making their move.
[04:00] Shinpachi
    Hey! They're headed straight this way.
[04:02] Hijikata
    What's going on? How did they spot us?
[04:06] Shinpachi
    Look at what you've got in your mouth!
[04:08] Hijikata
    This is bad. Let's retreat for now.
[04:11] Shinpachi
    Right!
[04:13] Shinpachi
    Kondo-san, hurry up!
[04:14] Shinpachi
    Come on out. We've got to run! The enemy is...
[04:18] Shinpachi
    Kondo-san?
[04:21] Shinpachi
    There's no answer? Did he leave?
[04:24] Kondo (M)
    Pa-Pa...!
[04:26] Kondo (M)
    The paper!
[04:28] Shinpachi
    Hijikata-san! Looks like Kondo-san's not here anymore.
[04:31] Hijikata
    We have no choice. Let's go!
[04:32] Shinpachi
    Right.
[04:33] Kondo
    W-Wait! Toshi!
[04:36] Kondo
    The paper's forsaken me! I'm still in here!
SIGN    [Note: Pronunciation for "paper" is the same as "god."]
[04:40] Kondo
    There's no toilet paper. I haven't wiped my butt yet!
[04:45] ---
    This can't be! Did you really?! Did they really leave?
[04:48] ---
    Shinpachi-kun! Toshi!
[04:53] Kondo (M)
    This sucks! I'm stranded in enemy territory with crap on my butt!
SIGN    [Note: Spoof of Mobile Suit Gundam 0079.]
[04:57] Kondo (M)
    This is like when Garma got his ass shot by White Base.
[05:02] Kondo (M)
    What am I supposed to do?!
[05:03] Kondo (M)
    If I don't quickly do something, the enemy will find me!
[05:05] Kondo (M)
    I need something to wipe with!
[05:06] Kondo (M)
    Wait! Calm down, Isao!
[05:09] Kondo (M)
    This is a bathroom.
[05:10] Kondo (M)
    There are three other stalls.
[05:13] Kondo (M)
    The odds of all four being out of toilet paper are astronomical!
[05:19] Kondo (M)
    There's got to be a few sheets...somewhere!
[05:24] Kondo (M)
    Someone's in here!
[05:27] Kondo (M)
    Someone is crapping in here besides me. What luck!
[05:31] Kondo
    I need help!
[05:34] Kondo
    I'm trapped in here! And I ran out of toilet paper.
[05:36] Kondo
    Please... Can you please spare me a little?
[05:44] Gintoki
    The God of toilet paper has abandoned this place.
[05:46] Kondo
    Huh? What did you just say? You're kidding, right?
[05:50] Gintoki
    Shut up, Gorilla, or I'll throw shit at you.
[05:52] Kondo
    Huh? That voice?! Are you, Odd Jobs?!
[05:55] Kondo
    Hey! What're you doing here?!
[05:58] Gintoki
    You know. We both came for the same reason.
[06:01] Kondo
    What? You mean...
[06:03] ---
    I was wondering where you were,
[06:05] ---
    but does that mean you've been here for three episodes?!
[06:07] ---
    Do you realize the rest of us have been locked in a desperate struggle?
[06:11] Gintoki
    Do you realize I've been locked in a desperate struggle of my own?
[06:15] ---
    I think the bean bun I ate this morning was bad.
[06:18] ---
    I shouldn't have bought so much when it was on sale.
[06:22] Kagura
    You really like bean buns, Gin-chan.
[06:25] Gintoki
    Just when I thought I got it all out of my system, this happens.
[06:29] Gintoki
    I'm detoxed and depressed...
[06:32] Kondo
    You can't be serious!
[06:33] Kondo
    We have to get out of here.
[06:35] ---
    There's got to be some paper in one of these stalls.
[06:40] Binbokusai
    Paaaaper...
[06:46] Gintoki
    What's the matter?
[06:48] Kondo
    A g-ghost...! There's a ghost! Like a miniature Yoda.
[06:53] Gintoki
    That's the toilet specter.
SIGN    [Note: Spoof of the Japanese spirit "Zashiki Warashi" which lives in a house, but this one lives in a toilet.]
[06:56] Binbokusai
    Was it Otae-chan? I think it was her cooking.
[06:56] Kondo
    The toilet specter?!
[06:58] Gintoki
    It's what happens to people who get trapped in a bathroom with no way of wiping.
[07:00] Binbokusai
    After I ate her cooking, it started spewing out...
[07:02] Kondo
    Are you serious?
[07:03] ---
    We're going to end up toilet specters too!
[07:06] Gintoki
    That's right. So hurry up and find some paper.
[07:09] Kondo
    You want me to go out there with my butt exposed?
[07:11] Gintoki
    Better if you take everything off.
[07:13] Gintoki
    If anyone asks, just say, "I'm Bigfoot, got a problem with that?" Be natural.
[07:17] Kondo
    Why don't you go?! All you've done this whole time is detox, anyways!
[07:21] Kondo
    Make yourself useful!
[07:22] Gintoki
    All you've been doing is providing commentary on other people's battles.
[07:27] Kondo
    How dare you! Commentary is a thing of value!
[07:30] Gintoki
    A monkey can do commentary.
[07:32] Kondo
    What?!
[07:33] Tojo
    My, my. Sorry to interrupt.
[07:37] Tojo
    We don't usually use these restrooms.
[07:41] Tojo
    That's why we haven't restocked the paper.
[07:44] Tojo
    And from a green perspective, we use toilet paper without tubes.
[07:50] Tojo
    So of course it's impossible to unwind the core and use that to wipe with.
[07:57] Tojo
    You are trapped like rats. How shall I finish you off?
[08:06] Shinpachi
    Hijikata-san, are you okay?
[08:08] Hijikata
    Damn...maybe I should quit smoking.
[08:10] Shinpachi
    Shape up!
[08:12] Hijikata
    That guy's awfully fast.
[08:14] Hijikata
    We can't outrun him.
[08:24] Hijikata
    Go.
[08:26] Shinpachi
    Hijikata-san?!
[08:27] Hijikata
    Don't worry. I'm not doing this for you.
[08:29] ---
    I told you. I just came here to fight.
[08:33] Hijikata
    If you're defeated, we lose the fight.
[08:37] Hijikata
    Go find your sister.
[08:39] ---
    Even if we win this battle, if your sister won't change her mind,
[08:43] ---
    it will all have been for nothing.
[08:47] Shinpachi
    The mayonnaise...will be on me.
[08:55] Kyubei
    So that's your captain?
[08:57] ---
    Such a sorry captain-running off and leaving his injured teammate behind.
[09:02] Kyubei
    Just so you know, you cannot defeat our captain.
[09:06] ---
    Grandfather taught me the sword.
[09:08] Kyubei
    He's a master swordsman considered the greatest the Yagyu clan has ever produced.
[09:18] Binbokusai
    Uh...I'm Bigfoot... Do you have any toilet paper?
[09:24] Tojo
    What're you doing, Binbokusai-sama?
[09:34] Binbokusai
    That didn't work at all!
[09:36] Gintoki
    Idiot. You actually tried it? You're an idiot.
[09:38] Tojo
    Binbokusai-sama, we can't have our captain wandering around by himself.
[09:43] Tojo
    It could keep us from winning.
[09:46] Kyubei
    I'm afraid this battle was decided before it ever began.
[09:51] Kyubei
    By now, Tojo has probably defeated the rest of your team.
[09:54] Kyubei
    He is the most skilled of the Four Aces.
[09:57] ---
    There's no comparison between him and the other three who beat you so badly.
[10:05] Tojo
    Damn Granny! I knew that egg this morning was bad!
[10:11] Hijikata
    We live everyday not knowing when we might bid farewell to this life.
[10:17] ---
    I don't care if one of my comrades bites the dust.
[10:20] ---
    I'll just kill that many more to make up for it.
[10:23] Hijikata
    They don't need any sad words. All I can do for them is...
[10:27] Hijikata
    keep fighting until I croak too...and give my best, like they did.
[10:37] Gintoki/Tojo
    ...Is this our best?
SIGN    [Today's menu Omelet, Egg and...]
[10:52] Otaki
    Koshinori-sama, you mustn't!
[10:54] ---
    Men are forbidden!
[10:56] ---
    You may be the lord of the Yagyu, but this is a sacred sanctuary for women only!
[11:01] Mmm Koshinori
    Granny, this is no time for that. Out of my way!
[11:05] Mmm Koshinori
    Otae-chan! Summon Otae-chan!
[11:08] Otaki
    What? That girl again?!
[11:11] ---
    First you want her thrown out and now you want to summon her?
[11:13] ---
    Make up your mind!
[11:15] Otaki
    If she doesn't leave, then I will.
[11:18] ---
    Choose that girl, or choose me!
[11:21] Maids
    Right! Right!
[11:22] Mmm Koshinori
    Don't talk like you're my girlfriend!
[11:23] Mmm Koshinori
    That's disgusting, you old hag!
[11:25] Otaki
    With all due respect, the Young Lord cannot rein in that woman.
[11:29] Otaki
    She is an incorrigible tomboy!
[11:31] Otaki
    She will bring disaster to the Yagyu clan.
[11:34] Mmm Koshinori
    We already have a disaster.
[11:36] ---
    I don't know if they're dojo busters or what, but I'm at my wit's end.
[11:39] Mmm Koshinori
    Kyubei and those wild Four Aces are wreaking havoc.
[11:43] Mmm Koshinori
    They're tearing up the place.
[11:45] Mmm Koshinori
    What's more, one of the ones who barged in here is calling himself Otae-chan's brother.
[11:50] Mmm Koshinori
    I don't know what's going on! I need to talk to her!
[11:53] Otaki
    Her brother?! How frightening!
[11:55] ---
    They are all of barbarian blood, after all!
[11:58] Maids
    How scary!
[11:59] Otae
    Out of my way!
[12:02] Mmm Koshinori
    That's...!
[12:04] Mmm Koshinori
    Otae-chan!
[12:06] Otaki
    Stop! Hellion!
[12:08] Otae (M)
    Shin-chan... Everyone...
[12:11] Kondo
    I never imagined the enemy captain would be an old man.
[12:15] ---
    But we won't go easy on you. Let's settle this like men.
[12:19] Binbokusai
    What're you talking about?
[12:21] Binbokusai
    You don't stand a chance against me. I guarantee it.
[12:26] Gintoki
    Right back at you, old man.
[12:29] ---
    Don't you see? You're already trapped like a rat.
[12:34] Tojo
    There's no rush. We'll butcher all of you.
[12:37] ---
    But first things first.
[12:41] All Four
    Somebody! Bring us toilet paper!
[12:44] Kondo
    This is ridiculous!
[12:46] ---
    Their captain is within striking distance and we can't do a thing!
[12:48] ---
    Tojo-san, was it? What's your problem, anyway?
[12:52] Kondo
    Weren't you gloating a moment ago?
[12:54] Tojo
    I couldn't hold it in.
[12:56] ---
    I feel much better now.
[12:59] Tojo
    Oh no!
[13:00] Gintoki
    Do you know why we have two hands? It's so that...
[13:03] Kondo
    Don't go there, Odd Jobs! Don't lose hope.
[13:06] Tojo
    Binbokusai-sama?
[13:08] ---
    You aren't talking. Are you all right?
[13:10] ---
    The enemy is trying to trick you!
[13:12] Gintoki
    Hold on. This is no time to be talking about enemy this and enemy that.
[13:16] ---
    We can't do shit if we're stuck in here.
[13:19] Kondo
    Don't use the word "shit"! I'm upset enough as it is!
[13:22] Gintoki
    The main priority is to get some toilet paper.
[13:25] ---
    What do you say we postpone the match until we've wiped our butts?
[13:28] ---
    So let's call a truce.
[13:29] Tojo
    Team up with the enemy? Do you think I'd fall for that?
[13:32] Gintoki
    That stinks! How long are going to keep letting it out?!
[13:36] Binbokusai
    Tojo, we have no choice.
[13:38] ---
    Let's forget about the match and concentrate on wiping our butts.
[13:42] Kondo
    You say cooperate...but do you have any ideas, Odd Jobs?
[13:45] Gintoki
    We don't have paper, but we have our minds.
[13:47] Gintoki
    Four adults together should be able to come up with something.
[13:50] Kondo
    We're four adults, but we're four adults with poop on our butts.
[13:54] Kondo
    What can adults like us do? Are we even adults?
[13:58] Binbokusai
    Don't belittle yourself.
[14:00] ---
    These are the times when you need to keep the integrity of your spirit.
[14:02] ---
    Human beings must never lose their dignity.
[14:06] Gintoki
    Those are fine words, but the guy who said it has miso on his butt, too.
[14:11] Tojo
    Let's start by examining our situation.
[14:14] Tojo
    This stall has no toilet paper...nor does any stall.
[14:18] Tojo
    Because it is normally not used, it's unlikely that anyone will come.
[14:22] Tojo
    We can't even put on our hakama without wiping our bottoms.
SIGN    [Note: A hakama is a Japanese traditional skirt.]
[14:25] Tojo
    So we cannot go and get help.
[14:29] Gintoki
    You're saying we're on our own?
[14:32] ---
    Start by taking out everything you've got.
[14:35] Gintoki
    That's not what I meant.
[14:38] Kondo (M)
    I don't have any paper.
[14:40] ---
    If I did, I'd have wiped my bottom and killed them all.
[14:44] Kondo (M)
    The same is true for them. They all know that.
[14:48] ---
    So why did he bring that up?
[14:51] ---
    Odd Jobs must know something.
[14:54] Tojo (M)
    Under these extreme circumstances,
[14:56] Tojo (M)
    working together will create a strong sense of camaraderie between us.
[15:01] ---
    The enemy is trying to trick us into thinking they're not our enemy by working together with us.
[15:08] Tojo (M)
    They're doing it to put us off guard so they can attack.
[15:12] ---
    There isn't a single one among us who plans to cooperate.
[15:17] Tojo (M)
    If I show any opening, they'll get me.
[15:19] ---
    Not only that...
[15:20] Tojo (M)
    I have to outwit them and wipe my butt first.
[15:24] ---
    If they beat me to it, they'll get me for sure.
[15:26] Tojo (M)
    Paper...
[15:28] Gintoki (M)
    Paper...
[15:29] Binbokusai (M)
    Paper...
[15:30] Kondo (M)
    Paper...
[15:32] All Four (M)
    Paper...
[15:35] All Four (M)
    Whoever gets his hands on some first wins the match!
[15:40] Gintoki
    Found anything useful?
[15:42] Tojo (M)
    How should I respond?
[15:44] Kondo
    Nope.
[15:44] Tojo
    Nothing here, either.
[15:46] Tojo (M)
    Should I go along with their plan?
[15:48] Tojo (M)
    I'll show an opening, and when they attack, I'll...
[15:51] Binbokusai
    Hey, will this work?
[15:53] Tojo (M)
    Binbokusai-sama?!
[15:54] Binbokusai
    I have sandpaper.
[15:57] Tojo (M)
    Sand...
[15:58] Kondo (M)
    Did he say sandpaper?
[15:59] Tojo/Kondo (M)
    Don't be ridiculous! It would rip our anuses apart!
[16:02] Tojo (M)
    Normally, that's what I would say...
[16:04] Kondo (M)
    But in this situation, sandpaper...
[16:06] Kondo (M)
    seems like the high-end lotion tissue "SCoTchie" with anti-bacterial moisturizers...
[16:13] Tojo/Kondo (M)
    I want it bad!
[16:15] Gintoki
    Don't be ridiculous, old fart!
[16:17] Gintoki
    Wiping with that will make us bloody all over!
[16:20] Kondo (M)
    Wait! Calm down, Odd Jobs! Don't let him fool you!
[16:24] Kondo (M)
    Don't let the word "sand" trick you.
[16:25] Kondo (M)
    It's sand, but the word "paper" comes after it.
[16:28] Kondo (M)
    It's the paper we're dying to get.
[16:32] Tojo (M)
    No, could it all be an act so we don't notice that he wants the sandpaper?!
[16:38] Kondo (M)
    I see. It's still in enemy hands.
[16:41] ---
    If they see that I want it, it'll show weakness.
[16:44] ---
    By skillfully hiding that, and refusing,
[16:47] ---
    Gin defuses the old man's interest in the sandpaper and intends to cunningly get it from him.
[16:51] Kondo (M)
    He's several moves ahead of us all.
[16:55] Kondo (M)
    I've been going against such an incredible fellow all this time?
[17:00] Kondo (M)
    But today, he's my ally.
[17:03] Kondo (M)
    I couldn't ask for a more dependable ally. I'm going to back him up.
[17:08] Kondo
    Cut it out, old fart! Sandpaper?
[17:11] ---
    Try sanding your brain!
[17:13] Tojo (M)
    I won't let you win!
[17:14] ---
    Bimbokusai-sama, what we need is paper.
[17:17] ---
    Sandpaper's no good to us.
[17:20] ---
    Flush it down the toilet and yourself along with it.
[17:23] Binbokusai
    What?!
[17:24] ---
    In this situation,
[17:24] ---
    sandpaper is equal to the high-end lotion tissue "SCoTchie" with anti-bacterial moisturizers...
[17:29] Tojo
    "SCoTchie"? Oh, don't be so presumptuous.
[17:32] Kondo
    Don't let the word "paper" fool you!
[17:34] Kondo
    The word "sand" is in there too, you old fart!
[17:36] Gintoki
    Hey, you two, that's going too far!
[17:39] Gintoki
    There might be a way to use it.
[17:42] Gintoki
    Old man, let me have a look at that.
[17:45] Tojo (M)
    H-H-H-He's...
[17:47] Tojo (M)
    playing Tsundere?!
SIGN    [Note: Slang for a character that at first seems mean and nasty but later turns out to be nice. Commonly appears in Visual Novels as seen below.]
[17:53] Gintoki
    Oh come on, let me see it!
[17:56] Tojo (M)
    He was cold before and now he's turned nice!
[17:59] Tojo (M)
    If he did that at the right moment...
[18:02] Tojo (M)
    Even a battle-hardened bar hostess would fall for him!
[18:05] ---
    It's incredible! To use such a gambit...
[18:07] ---
    This man...
[18:10] Kondo (M)
    That's right. This man had everything figured out.
[18:14] ---
    He knew we would read his strategy, imitate it, and insult the old man.
[18:17] ---
    He had it all figured out, and used it to his advantage...
[18:21] Tojo (M)
    This can't be!
[18:23] ---
    That would mean this man played me for a fool!
[18:32] Tojo (M)
    This... That...and finished!
SIGN    [Seipoop Taisei] [Note: Spoof of Seiben Teisei, the Monkey King.]
[18:37] Tojo (M)
    Like...
[18:39] Tojo (M)
    I'm like Seiten Taisei struggling on the Buddha's palm.
SIGN    [Note: Seiben Teisei, or the Monkey King is a mischievous character from a Chinese legend.]
[18:42] Tojo (M)
    What an incredible man... He's in a league of his own.
[18:46] Tojo (M)
    We lost. We've been completely crushed...
[18:51] Tojo (M)
    Sandpaper?
[18:53] Kondo
    Sandpaper!
[18:54] Gintoki
    Now all four of us have some.
[18:56] Tojo (M)
    What? What's going on?
[18:59] Kondo (M)
    Old man! Odd Jobs! Are you really cooperating?
[19:04] Kondo (M)
    It's three-times rougher than I thought! And it's two-sided!
[19:08] Kondo (M)
    If I wipe my bottom with this, it'll rip the skin right off!
[19:12] Binbokusai
    In the end, we have no choice but to wipe with this.
[19:15] Binbokusai
    Not that I'd recommend it, though.
[19:17] Kondo (M)
    Is he...?
[19:20] ---
    No way...
[19:22] Kondo (M)
    The old man...couldn't be...
[19:24] Kondo (M)
    He's wiping! No doubt about it! With this sandpaper!
[19:28] Kondo (M)
    I-It's unbelievable!
[19:30] Kondo (M)
    Even with my thick butt hairs, this scares the hell out of me.
[19:36] Kondo (M)
    He's a sage...
SIGN    [Note: Like Pervy sage in NARUTO.]
[19:37] Kondo (M)
    A man who has toughened his butt on the burning sands of some remote eastern land...
[19:41] Kondo (M)
    over and over and over again.
[19:44] Kondo (M)
    A sage with thick butt hairs.
[19:49] Tojo (M)
    Binbokusai-sama...that was brilliant.
[19:52] Tojo (M)
    This was all a ploy to apply psychological pressure.
[19:56] ---
    In this situation, without toilet paper,
[19:59] ---
    they'd be pressured into making a decision whether to wipe or not to wipe.
[20:02] ---
    Once they've lost their presence of mind, they'd be at our mercy.
[20:07] Gintoki
    Old man, this is incredible! It's awesome!
[20:10] Tojo (M)
    Huh?
[20:10] ---
    Coarse...so coarse! It really hits the spot!
[20:11] ---
    No, he's fooling.
[20:13] Tojo (M)
    Wait a minute...no way...
[20:16] Tojo (M)
    Is he wiping? No, he couldn't be.
[20:20] ---
    No, he is... He's wiping with it!
[20:22] Tojo (M)
    Th-That's absurd!
[20:25] Tojo (M)
    If he wipes with this, he'll never be able to sit down again!
[20:31] Tojo (M)
    He's a Count...
[20:37] Tojo (M)
    In the far west...
[20:39] Tojo (M)
    there was a man who whipped his butt with a hot sausage...
[20:47] Tojo (M)
    called the Count of Butt Hair. Is that who he is?!
SIGN    [Note: Spoof of The Castle of Cagliostro.]
[20:51] Kondo (M)
    What should I do? Do I wipe?
[20:53] ---
    Must I wipe? Am I leaning towards wiping?
[20:55] Tojo (M)
    No way, no way, no way.
[20:57] ---
    I'll bungee jump, I'll sky dive...anything but this...
[20:59] ---
    No, nix bungee jumping.
[21:01] Kondo (M)
    But if I don't wipe, he'll get me.
[21:03] Tojo (M)
    To win...for the sake of the one I love...
[21:07] Kondo (M)
    Otae-san...
[21:09] ---
    I came here to see your smile one last time. For that, I'll...
[21:13] Tojo (M)
    Young Lord...
[21:15] ---
    I am prepared to do anything to protect and support you.
[21:23] Kondo/Tojo (M)
    This is paper!
[21:26] Kondo (M)
    No! Just a minute!
[21:27] ---
    Am I going to wipe my butt on Otae-san's face?
[21:29] ---
    It'd be a turn-on in a way, but I can't!
[21:32] ---
    Nor can I use the sandpaper!
[21:33] Tojo (M)
    Young Lord...
[21:34] ---
    I would allow you to poo in my face. But to use your face for...
[21:38] ---
    I can't do it! Nor can I use the sandpaper.
[21:40] Kondo (M)
    Otae-san. Sandpaper.
[21:41] Tojo (M)
    Young Lord. Sandpaper.
[22:02] Tojo
    My duty is to protect the Young Lord and further his ambitions.
[22:07] Tojo
    I have done a very disrespectful thing to lead you to victory, Young Lord...
[22:11] Tojo
    In the end, I...
[22:13] Tojo
    ...was weak.
[22:17] Tojo
    But the next time...
[22:20] Tojo
    No, I could never use...the sandpaper.
[22:25] Kondo
    Otae-san...I'm sorry...
[22:28] Kondo
    I came this far to see your smiling face, but...
[22:34] Kondo (M)
    But this is as far as I got.
[22:39] Kondo (M)
    I am such...a fool...
SIGN    [The next episode...]
SIGN    [Gintoki vs. Binbokusai]
[24:24] Gintoki
    "When someone who wears glasses takes them off, it looks like something's missing."
SIGN    [Shinpachi's love... Otae's feelings...]
SIGN    [Kyubei's past revealed.]