E234 - Piggy banks and trash cans

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintoki and the gang have followed the missing Elizabeth into the Renho mothership.
SIGN    The evil lord Dark Vader prepares to invade Earth. Can he be stopped?!
[01:43] Shin
    What are you doing, you three stooges?!
[01:45] Fumi
    Look out!
[01:49] Fumi
    It can't be!
[01:50] Fumi
    He was promoted for his work on Earth...
SIGN    You punks got spirit.
SIGN    Interested in becoming my men?
[01:57] Zura
    E-
[01:58] Zura
    Elizabeth!
SIGN    It appears that you Earthlings are the ones who will lose their seeds.
[02:04] Mutsu
    You're the one who faces destruction.
SIGN    I commend you for having the courage to come alone into enemy territory. I will grant you an up-close view of the destruction of Earth.
[02:05] Mutsu
    You have no right to be a leader
    when you call your comrades tools.
[02:10] Mutsu
    Don't underestimate the
    planet of the samurai.
SIGN    I don't need soldiers or citizens.
SIGN    As long as I have those, I can conquer the galaxy.
SIGN    The samurai will soon learn
SIGN    why the Renho Army soldiers
SIGN    are feared as the white devils.
[02:22] Shin
    Renho Army?
[02:23] Shin
    Don't you mean the Renho Federation?!
SIGN    Piggy Banks and Trash Cans
[02:37] Fumi
    Quiet down.
[02:39] Fumi
    We managed to sneak all the way in here.
[02:41] Fumi
    Don't waste that for the sake of a joke.
[02:43] Shin
    Uh, wait, Fumiko-san!
[02:45] Shin
    This is why you're known
    as the white devils?!
[02:49] Fumi
    These are the new white outfits that were
    developed for the invasion of Earth.
[02:53] Fumi
    The anti-samurai weapon, Gunsam!
[02:57] Fumi
    They've made incredible
    progress while I was gone.
[03:00] Shin
    Uh, in the end, this is
    just a blatant rip-off!
[03:04] Shin
    Those look very familiar!
[03:06] Fumi
    Dark Vader intends to have the Gunsams
[03:08] Fumi
    attack Earth once the rain
    has left the planet in chaos.
[03:10] Fumi
    Earth won't last long
    against such an onslaught!
[03:14] Shin
    Uh, we won't last long against a
    copyright infringement lawsuit.
[03:17] Fumi
    Both were animated by Sunrise,
    so a lawsuit would go nowhere.
[03:22] Fumi
    They planned ahead.
[03:24] Shin
    That's plain evil!
[03:26] Fumi
    In any case, we have plenty
    of incentive to destroy those.
[03:31] Kagura
    How do we do that?
[03:33] Fumi
    We'll have to think of something.
[03:35] Fumi
    Before he...
[03:37] Fumi
    Before General Eren leads his strike
    force of Gunsams to attack Earth.
[03:42] Fumi
    I never imagined that he would become
    a general in such a short time.
[03:47] Shin
    And I never imagined that we would
    become Elizabeth's subordinates.
[03:53] Kagura
    Maybe Eli recognized us?
[03:56] Fumi
    He may do his job well, but
    he's always been rather dense.
[04:01] Fumi
    He couldn't even recognize his own girlfriend
[04:03] Fumi
    when I changed to a different color ribbon.
[04:05] Shin
    Uh, how is anyone supposed to pick you out?!
[04:08] Shin
    This is harder than trying to find Waldo!
[04:10] Kagura
    I see.
[04:11] ---
    So he won't recognize Shinpachi
    since he's a different color.
[04:14] Shin
    He'll recognize me!
[04:15] Shin
    He should recognize me when
    I'm sticking out of your head!
[04:17] Fumi
    Anyway, now that we're here,
    this is the perfect chance.
[04:21] Fumi
    I'll try to find a way
    to destroy the Gunsams.
[04:24] Fumi
    You do what you can to
    disable the three stooges
[04:26] Fumi
    and other pilots who are
    part of the strike force.
[04:29] Kagura
    Be careful, Cool Lady Fumi.
[04:31] Shin
    Okay...
[04:32] Shin
    Gin-san, did you hear all that?
[04:34] Gin
    Loyal soldiers of the Renho Army!
[04:38] Gin
    Thanks to our Elizabeth Rain,
[04:40] ---
    over half of the Earthlings
    are now trapped behind signs.
[04:44] Gin
    The clouds surrounding Earth
    are a symbol of our justice.
[04:49] Gin
    The Earth's military is but
    a shell of its former self.
[04:55] Gin
    Verily, I declare them to be trash!
[04:58] Zura
    Earthlings treasure their three M's above all.
[05:02] Zura
    Their money, their mothers,
    and their manhood.
[05:06] Zura
    We start by hitting them in their manhood
[05:08] Zura
    and immobilizing them.
[05:09] Zura
    Then we take their mothers hostage
[05:11] Zura
    and seize their money!
[05:13] Zura
    We can render them helpless!
[05:16] Saka
    On the battlefield, you have to
    rely on the voices of your allies.
[05:19] Saka
    Remember to ditch your signs and provide
    your comrades with vocal support.
[05:23] Saka
    And you're only allowed to
    bring 300 yen worth of snacks.
[05:26] Saka
    Don't forget your Gelgoog bag for
    when you get mobile suit sickness...
[05:30] Shin
    Why are you people teaching
    them how to defeat Earthlings?!
[05:34] Shin
    Why are you even here?!
[05:36] Shin
    You're clearly helping the wrong side!
[05:39] Gin
    You hit me!
[05:40] Gin
    Bright-san never hit me!
[05:43] Shin
    Most people haven't been hit by Bright!
[05:47] Saka
    Sorry.
[05:48] Saka
    I fell into my old habits after getting all
    fired up about about the upcoming battle.
[05:51] Shin
    What the hell were the wars like
    back when you were fighting?!
[05:54] Shin
    That last part was more or less
    instructions for a picnic!
SIGN    Teacher! Can we take our PSPs onto the battlefield?
[05:59] Zura
    Okay, this is a battlefield, right?
[06:01] Zura
    So you should be playing battlefield
    games, if you get my drift.
SIGN    What?!
[06:05] Shin
    Why is this turning into a lecture?!
[06:07] Shin
    Who's the teacher?!
[06:08] Zura
    Fine, fine.
[06:10] Zura
    That concludes today's court-martial.
[06:13] Zura
    Everyone go outside for some Uno!
[06:15] Shin
    Why would you play Uno outside?!
[06:16] Shin
    Do you really want to play Uno?!
[06:18] Gin
    Don't worry, Alzabeth.
[06:20] Gin
    I'll move three times faster than usual.
[06:22] Shin
    That's not gonna help, you stupid Red Comet!
[06:25] Saka
    It's the job of a general to play some Uno
[06:26] Saka
    and help put the men in that zone
    between composure and passion.
[06:31] Shin
    You people are between dumb and dumber!
[06:36] Shin
    What is this?!
[06:37] Shin
    Why are you playing Uno with the invaders?!
[06:37] Gin
    I can see! I can see the enemy's hand!
[06:39] Shin
    Why are you bonding with them?!
[06:40] Kagura
    They're winning over the enemy.
[06:42] Gin
    Tsk, how can this be...
[06:43] Kagura
    They may have fallen, but they
    were stars during the Joi era.
SIGN    What a strange bunch.
[06:50] Shin
    Eli-
[06:51] Shin
    General Eren!
SIGN    You were able to sap away the tension before a battle.
SIGN    You have the odd ability to draw people in while doing stupid things.
SIGN    Or maybe they were drawn in by your Earth smell.
SIGN    You were also working as spies on Earth, right?
SIGN    The same goes for everyone in my squad.
SIGN    We were all ordered to infiltrate Earth and make contact with Earthlings.
SIGN    Uno!
SIGN    And now we're trying to destroy the people of Earth.
[07:18] Zura
    So everyone here loves Earth.
[07:21] Zura
    Otherwise, they wouldn't know the rules.
SIGN    Uno
[07:26] Shin
    Katsura-san...
SIGN    I also played a lot of Uno.
[07:34] Zura
    No!
SIGN    He would challenge me to a game whenever we had time.
[07:37] Zura
    C-Can you let me redo that...
SIGN    But he sucked... I had to let him win a few times.
SIGN    I guess I was already lying to him back then.
[07:44] Zura
    Do you regret it?
[07:46] Zura
    Then why...?
[07:48] Zura
    Everyone here found something
    important to them on Earth.
[07:52] Zura
    Everyone here has grown to care for Earth.
[07:54] Zura
    I-I am the same way.
[07:56] Zura
    So why are we invading Earth?
SIGN    ...I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
SIGN    The Renho purge all who express dissent.
SIGN    And keep your mouth shut. You won't get another warning.
[08:09] Zura
    If the general were to show a sign,
    everyone would revolt together.
[08:15] Zura
    Nobody would have to
    worry about a purge then.
[08:19] Zura
    Is that what you're saying?
SIGN    I learned many things on Earth.
SIGN    Things that I wouldn't have learned
    on this planet of cold steel.
SIGN    Defeat
SIGN    Many things that were warm to the touch.
SIGN    I learned many things from the person
SIGN    whom with I fought back-to-back.
SIGN    That's why I have no regrets.
SIGN    There is something I must protect.
SIGN    Even if it means destroying Earth.
SIGN    Even if it means fighting against him.
SIGN    A true friend will always protect a friend's back.
SIGN    That is what I learned from my friend on Earth.
[09:07] Zura
    Elizabeth...
SIGN    Attack Order In one hour, the entire armada will advance on Earth. All squadrons should immediately prepare for battle.
[09:31] Kagura
    W-We've been given the order to attack.
[09:34] Shin
    Already?!
[09:35] Shin
    What happened to Mutsu-san's negotiations?!
[09:39] Saka
    Mutsu, I see that you screwed up.
[09:41] Mutsu
    I bought you plenty of time.
[09:43] Mutsu
    You were able to come up with a plan, right?
[09:46] Saka
    You bet! The guy before me used a Draw 2,
[09:49] Saka
    so I tossed out a Draw 4,
[09:50] Saka
    but then he said that going by Earth
    rules, I could only use a Draw 2,
[09:54] Saka
    so I tore my Draw 4 in half.
[09:55] Mutsu
    The hell are you doing?!
[09:57] Mutsu
    I'm out here risking my life to buy you time!
[10:01] Mutsu
    What are we going to do?!
[10:02] Mutsu
    The Kaientai have been locked up!
[10:04] Mutsu
    We can't do anything!
[10:07] Zura
    You don't need to worry.
[10:08] Zura
    We're ready to go.
[10:10] Shin
    Katsura-san.
[10:11] Zura
    Relax...
[10:12] Zura
    Elizabeth is still Elizabeth.
[10:14] Zura
    The Elizabeth I believe in.
[10:17] Zura
    We've been separated due to our
    positions as Earthling and Renho,
SIGN    How do you write out Renho?
[10:23] Zura
    but we still believe in the same things.
SIGN    Don't look.
[10:26] Zura
    In that case, I can't let him down.
[10:30] Zura
    Not when my friend says
    that he believes in me.
[10:35] Zura
    I'll stop the Renho.
[10:38] Zura
    Even if it means cutting down Elizabeth.
[10:42] Gin
    Zura...
SIGN    What are you doing, Teacher? The general is already on his way to the front lines.
[10:46] Zura
    Yes, I'm coming.
[10:50] Zura
    I'm going to stop Elizabeth's strike force.
[10:53] Kagura
    Wait, Zura!
[10:55] Kagura
    You're going to fight Eli?!
[10:56] Saka
    Yeah, knock yourself out, Zura.
[10:58] Gin
    While you're running cover,
[11:01] Gin
    we'll take out the big boss.
[11:03] Kagura
    Gin-chan! Moldie!
[11:05] Saka
    Doesn't matter how big the serpent
    is. Cut off its head and it'll stop.
[11:08] Saka
    Then we might not have to
    cut off its tail, Kintoki.
[11:11] Saka
    Well, that's only if we don't
    get choked to death first.
[11:16] Gin
    What are you babbling about?
[11:18] Gin
    Your brain was already choked to death.
[11:23] Zura
    Don't look back.
[11:28] Gin
    I won't.
[11:34] Zura
    You got my back.
[11:51] Kagura
    I guess we don't need to worry
    about the three stooges.
[11:55] Kagura
    In that case, we should
    help delay the soldiers.
[12:00] Shin
    And how is Katsura-san going
    to stop the strike force?
[12:04] Shin
    Is he going to use that thing?
[12:06] Shin
    Can he even pilot it?
[12:09] Fumi
    Alzabeth!
[12:11] Shin
    Fumiko-san!
[12:13] Fumi
    What's going on?
[12:15] Fumi
    Why did the attack start so soon?
[12:18] Shin
    Well...
[12:19] Fumi
    I don't believe it!
[12:21] Fumi
    Just a little longer and I could
    have disabled all of the Gunsams!
[12:25] Shin
    Huh? You were able to do
    something in such a short time?
[12:28] Fumi
    You helped divert the
    attention of the guards,
[12:31] Fumi
    so while I wasn't able to do
    anything to the mothership,
[12:33] Fumi
    I managed to sabotage the Gunsams.
[12:35] Shin
    What did you do?!
[13:07] Zura
    A-Amazing...
[13:09] Zura
    No wonder Vader is so taken by these.
[13:11] Zura
    Okay! Just you wait, Elizabeth!
[13:15] Zura
    Gunsam, ready to launch!
[13:19] Zura
    Katsura, heading out!
[13:26] Fumi
    What did I do?
[13:28] Fumi
    I placed bombs in them.
[13:35] Shin
    Ka-Katsura...
[13:38] Zura
    ...blew up!
SIGN    What is it?
SIGN    W-Well...
SIGN    The Gunsam that launched suddenly blew up...
SIGN    What?!
SIGN    Could it be that...
SIGN    they have other allies...?
SIGN    Spies!
SIGN    There are Earth spies on this ship!
SIGN    The attack is off!!
SIGN    Capture any suspicious rats and make it run blood!!
SIGN    Don't let any of them escape!!
[14:16] Fumi
    In any case, we were able to delay them.
[14:19] Shin
    Uh, we lost one of our friends.
[14:22] Fumi
    But it's strange...
[14:23] Fumi
    The bomb I placed wasn't that strong, was it?
[14:27] Fumi
    It was only supposed to blow off a leg...
[14:30] Kagura
    Hm?
[14:30] Kagura
    Hey, look over there!
[14:35] Shin
    Wh-What is that?!
[14:38] Gin
    Hey, Tatsuma, don't tell me
    that you've lost your edge
[14:41] ---
    after becoming a merchant.
[14:43] Saka
    Can't really say.
[14:44] Saka
    I was always more of a peace
    lover compared to you boys.
[14:48] Saka
    My mind's sharp as a razor, but I can't be
    so confident about my ability with a blade.
[14:51] Gin
    I see.
[14:52] Gin
    So your mind and sword are both rusty.
SIGN    Hey, fools.
SIGN    What's going on?
SIGN    That's Dark Vader's office.
SIGN    What business do you have there?
SIGN    We have a message for him.
SIGN    What?! Did you find the spies?
[15:05] Saka
    No.
[15:11] Saka
    The samurai...
[15:13] Gin
    ...have invaded your planet.
SIGN    You're the ones from earlier!!
SIGN    I knew there was something suspicious about you.
SIGN    To think that you were samurai...!!
SIGN    Why are you out here in space?!
[15:23] Saka
    You people didn't do enough research.
[15:27] Saka
    The samurai weren't wiped off Earth.
[15:30] Gin
    Have you forgotten the names of
    the Amanto's most dreaded enemies?
[15:35] Gin
    With our swords, we kept...
[15:37] Saka
    ...our country...
[15:38] Gin
    ...our friends...
[15:39] Saka
    ...our souls safe from the aliens.
[15:43] Saka
    The Joi patriot, Sakamoto Tatsuma.
[15:46] Gin
    Sakata Gintoki.
[15:49] Both
    We'll take you on!
[15:57] Gin
    This is a one night ceremony!
[15:59] Gin
    Tatsuma, show them that you
    haven't lost your edge!
[16:04] Saka
    Yeah, got it!
[16:06] Saka
    Time to go wild!
SIGN    Sakamoto Tatsuma
[16:10] Saka
    Excuse me, I'm Sakamoto Tatsuma,
    chief logistics officer for the Joi.
[16:15] Saka
    It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
[16:22] Saka
    I believe that you're one of the Double
    Dragons who lead this jolly group.
[16:25] Saka
    Are you on the right or left?
SIGN    I'm the right Dragon.
[16:28] Saka
    Oh, that must be rough.
[16:30] Saka
    You have to deal with the random gusts
    in right field at Koshien Stadium.
[16:36] Saka
    Well, I'm sure you have
    a story or two to tell.
[16:42] Gin
    What are you doing?!
[16:45] Saka
    Don't mind me. Carry on with your fun.
[16:48] Saka
    I have my own way of going wild.
SIGN    Prepare yourself!
[16:52] Gin
    Your own way of going wild?
[16:54] Gin
    I'm the only one fighting here!
SIGN    What are you trying to pull?
[16:59] Saka
    Well, just between you and me,
[17:02] Saka
    I was only pretending to
    want to protect Earth.
[17:06] Saka
    Truth is that I came all
    the way here to do business.
SIGN    Business?
[17:11] Saka
    Yes, I consider space to be home.
[17:16] Saka
    So I feel no attachment to Earth.
SIGN    You're going to sell Earth? That's what your subordinate said when you first snuck on board.
[17:21] Saka
    Please, she's a fledgling who
    knows nothing about business.
[17:25] Saka
    She always snaps when a
    deal doesn't go her way.
[17:28] Saka
    However, now I know what you people want.
SIGN    What?
[17:32] Saka
    You want a weapon that will be more useful
[17:35] Saka
    than those white devils
    for the invasion of Earth.
[17:37] Saka
    Isn't that right?
[17:38] Saka
    I have the perfect thing!
[17:42] Saka
    Yes!
[17:43] Saka
    To counter your white devils,
    I offer a white demon.
[17:47] Saka
    The White Yaksha.
[17:49] Saka
    I've colored him completely
    white to satisfy your needs.
[17:55] Gin
    What the hell are you talking about?!
[17:58] Saka
    And I'll even include the weapon
    of self destruction, Zura,
[18:01] Saka
    and the adult toy, Sakamoldie.
[18:04] Saka
    It's an amazing deal!
SIGN    Is this some kind of joke?
[18:09] Saka
    I would never joke about selling my friends.
[18:11] Saka
    Why not have the White Yaksha
    and White Devil fight it out?
[18:15] Saka
    That man doesn't give a damn about Earth.
SIGN    Now to finish him!
[18:20] Saka
    He's a demon who's capable of
[18:22] ---
    crushing an Earth or two for
    the sake of his friends.
[18:26] Saka
    If you don't buy him,
    he'll crush your planet.
[18:30] Saka
    But if we join forces, we can take over
    Earth or any planet of your choice.
SIGN    Nonsense! After invading our planet, you now offer to help us take Earth?
[18:40] Saka
    Sure thing.
[18:42] Saka
    If we keep fighting, we'll just
    weaken our forces for nothing.
[18:46] Saka
    If you provide another place
    for the Earthlings to live,
[18:51] Saka
    we'll give you Earth in a split second.
[18:54] Saka
    Planets are just a place
    for people to stand on.
[18:57] Saka
    A planet is just a rock.
[18:59] Saka
    Takes people to make it a world.
[19:01] Saka
    You can have all the piggy banks you want.
[19:05] Saka
    I'm only interested in what's inside.
[19:08] Saka
    Well, there definitely isn't gold inside.
[19:11] Saka
    Just a bunch of old scarred steel.
[19:15] Saka
    But I consider that steel the greatest
    treasure there could ever be.
SIGN    Joi patriots?
SIGN    They weren't in the data provided by the advance scouts.
SIGN    Reinforce our troops.
SIGN    Grind the Earthlings into space dust.
SIGN    M-My lord!!
SIGN    B-Behind you!!
[19:45] Shin
    Th-That's...
SIGN    What...?
SIGN    ...is that?
[19:55] Shin
    E-Earth is...
SIGN    Smiling.
[20:06] A
    Huh? Your face is...
[20:08] B
    And you're talking.
[20:10] A
    Y-You're right! My voice!
[20:11] A
    My face is back to normal!
[20:15] B
    This is a rain from the heavens!
[20:16] A
    The gods haven't abandoned us yet!
[20:20] Hana
    Are you watching this?
[20:22] Hana
    The people who lost their
    voices are recovering!
[20:26] Hana
    It's wonderful! So wonderful!
SIGN    Th-This is!!
SIGN    M-My Lord!!
[20:29] Hana
    Wonderful for me!
[20:30] Hana
    Wonderful for you!
[20:31] Hana
    Wonderful for everyone!
[20:32] Shin
    Th-The clouds...
[20:35] Shin
    The clouds that were covering
    Earth have dissipated...
SIGN    To my home planet.
SIGN    To my friend.
SIGN    From Space,
SIGN    with love.
SIGN    It appears that those rats weren't the only ones with a trick up their sleeves.
[21:30] Katsura
    That's...
SIGN    You fooled me.
[21:33] Eli
    I fooled no one.
[21:36] Eli
    The words written on that planet aren't
[21:38] ---
    the words of a spy, a general, or a Renho.
[21:41] Eli
    They're Elizabeth's first
    and last words of truth!
[21:49] Zura
    Elizabeth!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:30] Eli
    Dark Vader finally reveals his
    true power and attacks the Gunsam.
[23:34] Eli
    The battles that ensue inspires terror
[23:37] Eli
    that Katsura and Eren have
    never experienced before!
[23:40] Eli
    Next time: Empty planet.
SIGN    Empty Planet
[23:42] Eli
    Will you survive?
SIGN    Speaking of which, will this anime be able to survive?
SIGN    When we first started Gintama, we figured there would never be any mecha.
[3:04:10] ---
    -