E133 - Gin and His Excellency’s Good For Nothing

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    [Buwahahaha, a request from your Excellency. Turn on the room lights and keep your distance from the TV when watching the show.]
[00:00] Gintoki
    Why? Why must this happen to me?
[00:05] Gintoki
    Did I do something wrong?
[00:07] Gintoki
    I'm forced to work in some inn for Stands. I'm told I'm useless and I'm tired,
[00:12] ---
    but I can't sleep because of them playing UNO every single night.
[00:15] ---
    If that weren't bad enough, I've been living on rice crackers and peanuts!
[00:18] ---
    I can't take it anymore. I can't stay quiet.
[00:22] ---
    I'm going to do it. "His Excellency" and crap don't matter anymore.
[00:26] ---
    I'm going to crush this hot spring inn!
[00:37] Gintoki
    Brief Trio, you've double-crossed me...
[00:40] Okami
    If you want to defeat me, you need the help of the most powerful Stand.
[00:46] Okami
    But that's impossible. There isn't anyone in Senbokyo who will help you.
[00:54] ---
    I'm going to have you work here until you die.
[00:59] Gintoki
    The most powerful Stand. The most powerful ally.
[01:04] Gintoki
    Such a person...
[01:06] Shinpachi
    Huh? What are you doing here?
[01:08] Kagura
    Are you awake?
[01:10] Otae
    You stink. What is that smell?
[01:18] Gintoki
    They're in front of me!
[03:01] Okami
    Stay in here for a while to cool down, Rei.
[03:06] Okami
    I can't believe what you did. I never thought you'd double-cross me.
[03:13] Rei
    I didn't double-cross you.
[03:16] Okami
    Don't get carried away!
[03:18] Okami
    Who do you think made you stay here?
[03:23] Rei
    I wasn't working here because I wanted to.
[03:26] ---
    Okami, you're the one who started all of this...
[03:27] Okami
    Hush!
[03:29] Okami
    We've been together for a long time, so you're getting off easily.
[03:34] ---
    Otherwise, I would have killed you off and your little soul, too!
[03:38] ---
    You should be thankful I had mercy on you!
[03:45] Rei
    This is wrong.
[03:48] Okami
    What?
[03:49] Rei
    I said, this is wrong. You used to be...
[03:54] Okami
    Cut it out now.
[03:57] Okami
    If you don't, I won't be able to forgive you.
[04:01] Rei
    Okami, you and this place have changed.
[04:06] Okami
    Nothing has changed.
[04:09] Okami
    In fact, we purposely tried not to change.
[04:15] Rei
    It's useless!
[04:16] Rei
    Even if you confine me in here, you can't stop him!
[04:19] Rei
    Gin... Gin will do something to save this inn!
SIGN    [Seal]
[04:24] Okami
    Sorry to say this, Rei...
[04:28] Okami
    ...he's become...
[04:30] Okami
    ...a pet dog without fangs.
SIGN    ["Gin and His Excellency's Good-for-nothings."]
SIGN    [Banquet Hall]
[04:49] Nobunaga
    Way to go, Taishogun!
[04:51] Nobunaga
    It's as if you were drinking in the whole country! We admire you!
[04:56] Hideyoshi
    Hey! Bring more sake! We need more!
[05:00] Nobunaga
    Lord Ieyasu, have another shot.
[05:02] Ieyasu
    Thank you, but have some yourself, Sir Nobunaga.
[05:05] Ieyasu
    Let me pour some for you.
[05:06] Nobunaga
    No, I'll pour more for you.
[05:08] Ieyasu
    No, no. Let me do it.
[05:10] Mitsuhide
    Hey, bring more food and sake!
[05:12] Ghost A
    Boy, we're so busy.
[05:13] Ghost B
    Indeed. We need all the help we can get.
[05:17] Otose
    How're my young people doing?
[05:19] Otose
    Have they've been somewhat helpful?
[05:21] Okami
    I did ask you to send a lively guy.
[05:25] Okami
    But I don't remember asking for a mad dog that bites its owner, Otose.
[05:32] Otose
    Oh, is he a little wilder than you expected?
[05:34] Otose
    But I thought you needed a bulldog, not a calm little lap dog.
[05:41] Okami
    Maybe. But he continually bit me severely.
[05:45] Okami
    So, I'll only pay you half of the referral fee.
[05:48] Otose
    That's not the way I remember it!
[05:49] Otose
    That's your fault!
[05:51] Otose
    Although we were shorthanded, I sent them all to you.
[05:55] Otose
    You need to pay as we agreed.
[05:58] Okami
    You sent me a defective worker, and I disciplined him.
[06:02] Okami
    I'd say you should pay me instead.
[06:05] Otose
    "Disciplined him?"
[06:06] Okami
    Right! I punished him a bit, and then he became completely obedient.
[06:13] Okami
    He seems to like my place.
[06:15] Okami
    And he said he didn't want to go back to you. What should I do?
[06:19] Otose
    Wait. I told you that you could have them for only ten days.
[06:24] Okami
    But that's what he wants. I can't do anything about it.
[06:29] Otose
    Oiwa, have you...
[06:32] Otose
    ...fallen for him?
[06:39] Okami
    Otose, I can't hide anything from you, can I?
[06:42] Okami
    Where did you find that man?
[06:46] Okami
    He's allied himself with my most trusted worker in a short period.
[06:49] Okami
    And then he plotted to revolt against me. No ordinary man can achieve such a thing.
[06:54] Okami
    Right now he's a useless good-for-nothing.
[06:59] Okami
    But with a bit of training, he'll become a fearsome monster.
[07:04] Okami
    I can't think of anyone better to take over for me.
[07:10] Okami
    Otose...
[07:16] Okami
    Back then,
[07:18] ---
    you stole away your husband-to-be.
[07:23] Okami
    But this time, I get to take the man.
[07:27] Okami
    He's my dog now.
[07:29] Okami
    That man will have to work the rest of his life in this inn.
[07:37] Otose
    That helps me.
[07:42] Otose
    As long as you send the woman and child back to me, it's fine.
[07:46] Otose
    You can do whatever you want to him.
[07:48] ---
    If I can get rid of that lousy slacker who doesn't pay his rent,
[07:50] ---
    then there's nothing happier than this.
[07:54] Otose
    But let me point out one thing. That man is fierce.
[08:02] Okami
    I already disciplined him.
[08:04] Okami
    Even if he wanted to bite me, he doesn't have fangs anymore.
[08:08] Otose
    Oiwa, it doesn't matter how many fangs you broke.
[08:13] Otose
    You can discipline a beast, but he's not just a beast. He's worse.
[08:20] Otose
    He's a wild animal.
[08:22] Ghost C
    Okami! Gin broke out of the punishment room and escaped!
[08:27] Otose
    That's what I told you. You'd better be careful.
[08:33] Okami
    Find him!
[08:34] Okami
    It would have been impossible for him to go down the mountain!
[08:37] Okami
    He must be somewhere in this inn!
[08:39] Okami
    Look everywhere!
[08:42] Okami (M)
    Gin, how did he manage to slip out of the punishment room?!
[08:45] Okami (M)
    I trapped Rei in the spell bind cell.
[08:47] Okami (M)
    And the others are supposed to be possessed by Stands, playing UNO.
[08:51] Okami (M)
    He couldn't have had any help. So how did he do it?!
[08:59] Okami (M)
    This is...
[09:00] ---
    Don't tell me...
[09:04] Shinpachi
    Oh, here we go, here, here.
[09:05] Kagura
    Here we go, here, here!
[09:09] Okami (M)
    This is... Why are they here?!
[09:13] Okami (M)
    They're supposed to be possessed by Stands, playing UNO!
[09:17] Okami (M)
    No, they're Stands?!
[09:20] ---
    It can't be! How could they be Stands when they're not even dead?!
[09:27] Okami (M)
    Can it be, that they helped Gin?!
[09:29] Tagosaku
    They're living ghosts.
[09:31] Tagosaku
    Being possessed by a Stand means to have a foreign spirit enter your body.
[09:38] ---
    And because of it,
[09:39] ---
    their original Stands rejected themselves from the body, escaping as living ghosts.
[09:46] Okami
    No.
[09:48] Okami
    Even if this place is one of the foremost spiritual sites in Japan,
[09:51] Okami
    that can't be the only reason for them to become Stands.
[09:56] Okami
    Don't tell me,
[09:58] Okami
    they went out of their way to become Stands because they wanted to help him?!
[10:02] Okami
    It can't be!
[10:04] Ieyasu
    Oh, how fun this is!
[10:06] Ieyasu
    This is the most fun party I've ever been to since I was born.
[10:10] Gintoki
    What are you talking about?
[10:12] Gintoki
    It's not since you were born. Don't you mean since you've died?
[10:19] Ieyasu
    Shoot, you're right!
[10:23] Okami (M)
    What?!
[10:24] Okami (M)
    Lord Ieyasu has disappeared!
[10:27] Okami (M)
    And the other guests are disappearing!
[10:30] Okami (M)
    It can't be! That man found out how to defeat the Stands?!
[10:36] Okami (M)
    That's right.
[10:37] Okami (M)
    You don't defeat Stands by holding them down by physical force,
[10:42] Okami (M)
    or to trick them by using your head.
[10:45] Okami (M)
    Defeating Stands means
[10:47] Okami (M)
    sending them to heaven.
[10:49] Okami (M)
    The Stands wander this world because of their regrets.
[10:52] Okami (M)
    Only when they feel satisfied and happy can they go into heaven.
[10:56] Okami (M)
    Yes. You don't need muscle and intelligence to defeat Stands.
[11:00] Okami (M)
    All you need is...
SIGN    [Sympathy] [Consideration] [Kindness]
[11:03] Okami (M)
    sympathy, consideration or kindness.
[11:06] Okami (M)
    The kind of things you learn in class become the ultimate weapons!
SIGN    [Ask not until we have won the war.]
[11:13] Gintoki
    Everyone!
[11:14] Gintoki
    I won't forget any of you after you enter the afterlife!
[11:18] Gintoki
    May you rest in peace!
[11:20] Gintoki
    I'm going to sing a song.
[11:24] Gintoki
    "A Thousand Winds"
SIGN    
    
[11:40] Gintoki
    Do not stand at my grave
SIGN    
[11:47] ---
    and weep,
SIGN    
[11:53] Gintoki
    I am not
SIGN    
[11:59] Gintoki
    not sleep
SIGN    
SIGN    
[12:05] Okami
    Ahh! My guests are going to heaven!
[12:05] Gintoki
    I am a thousand winds
[12:08] Okami
    Stop them! Somebody! Stop them!
SIGN    
[12:13] Okami
    Brief Trio, go stop them! Or else all of our guests will disappear!
[12:17] Hideyoshi
    Please wait! Sir Mitsuhide has already made a stairway to heaven!
[12:17] Gintoki
    that blow,
[12:22] Okami
    What the hell are you doing?!
[12:24] Nobunaga
    Come on, Mitsuhide!
[12:25] Mitsuhide
    Stop! Stop feeding me those heartwarming words.
[12:28] Mitsuhide
    Or I'm gonna come... I'm gonna come...
[12:30] Okami
    Just go now!
[12:34] Gintoki
    I am a thousand winds
[12:44] Nobunaga
    Damn it! Where did they go?
[12:46] Mitsuhide
    I hear "A Thousand Winds" from all sides.
[12:50] Mitsuhide
    I don't think I can hold it anymore.
[12:52] Hideyoshi
    Sir Mitsuhide, think of when I killed you!
[12:55] Hideyoshi
    You hate me don't you? You hate me!
[12:59] Mitsuhide
    Sorry, but I have something to tell you before I go.
[13:05] Mitsuhide
    Will you listen to me?
[13:10] Mitsuhide
    My lord, I'm sorry about Hononji Temple.
[13:17] Nobunaga
    Stop! Shoot!
[13:18] Nobunaga
    Stop saying, "I have something to say before I go!"
[13:20] Nobunaga
    Oh shit, oh shit! I'm close to tears. You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?!
[13:24] Hideyoshi
    My lord! Hold on!
[13:29] Nobunaga
    Hideyoshi!
[13:31] Nobunaga
    I have one thing to say before I go.
[13:36] Hideyoshi
    Stop! Stop! I don't want to hear it! I don't!
[13:41] Nobunaga
    Please return "Armageddon" to the Tsutaya video rental store for me.
[13:44] Hideyoshi
    Apologize! Say you're sorry for calling me a monkey!
[13:47] Hideyoshi
    Sir Mitsuhide!
[13:49] Hideyoshi
    Sir Mitsuhide went to heaven from hearing "Armageddon"! What's going on?!
[13:53] Kagura
    Hey!
[13:54] Kagura
    Oh, I'm sorry. I've confused you with Jean-Claude Van Damme.
[13:58] Hideyoshi
    Ahh!
[14:00] Hideyoshi
    Jean-Claude Van Damme! He's so cool!
[14:03] Nobunaga
    Calm down, monkey! You don't look like him at all!
[14:06] Nobunaga
    You're completely Asian!
[14:07] Kagura
    No, not you. I was referring to you, Mr. Nobunaga.
[14:10] Nobunaga
    Ahh! He's awesome! Jean-Claude!
[14:13] Hideyoshi
    My lord! Please calm down. I'm Jean-Claude!
[14:17] Shinpachi
    Kagura, that's enough. Let's go.
[14:20] Kagura
    Should I finish it?
[14:22] Nobunaga
    Oh?
[14:23] Nobunaga
    You looked like a really simple guy at first glance,
[14:24] Nobunaga
    but you're much better looking without glasses.
[14:26] Shinpachi
    Arghhh!
[14:28] Otae
    Shin!
[14:29] Shinpachi
    They got me! They got me, but I feel kinda happy!
[14:32] Nobunaga
    I did it!
[14:33] Hideyoshi
    Good job, my lord!
[14:35] Nobunaga
    Ahhh! Don't say good job!
[14:39] Hidoyoshi
    M-M-My lord!
[14:43] Hideyoshi
    No! Hold on! That's enough! It's over! Hey!
[14:47] Otae
    Let's go.
[14:53] Hideyoshi
    Oh? Did anyone ever tell you that you looked like a celebrity?
[14:56] Hideyoshi
    Um, who was it? Mi Ito...
[15:02] Shinpachi
    Wow, sis, his words didn't move you a bit!
[15:07] Otae
    Why should they? It's the truth.
[15:20] Gintoki
    I am a thousand...
[15:23] Okami
    It's useless.
[15:24] Okami
    It won't work on my husband.
[15:27] Gintoki
    Is that so?
[15:28] Gintoki
    Actually to tell you the truth, except for the main bars, I only vaguely know this song.
[15:32] Okami
    You sure have done it.
[15:34] Okami
    Just what I'd expect from the man I've set my sight on.
[15:38] Okami
    But you did a bit too much.
[15:41] Gintoki
    Heh. What's wrong with sending dead people to heaven?
[15:45] Gintoki
    Dead people go to the afterlife. It's their natural providence.
[15:49] Gintoki
    Yet you keep them here for no reason.
[15:54] Gintoki
    What do you want to do with them, anyway, old hag?
[16:00] Gintoki
    I don't know what the deal is here, but let's stop licking on each other's wounds.
[16:09] Gintoki
    I'll send all of you to the afterlife.
[16:14] Okami
    Let's just see who will be sent to the afterlife.
[16:30] Okami
    Gin, I'll show you what a real Stand user is...
[16:34] Okami
    ...in the worst way possible!
[16:40] Gintoki (M)
    The most powerful Stand, Tagosaku, has finally shown up!
[16:44] Gintoki (M)
    I can feel it even before the battle! This evil aura I feel...
[16:48] Gintoki (M)
    He's totally different from the other Stands!
[16:53] Gintoki (M)
    I mean, I see something like "Gogogogo"!
[16:56] Gintoki (M)
    That's the same "Gogogogo" I see in that manga, right?
[16:59] Okami
    Yes...
[17:01] Okami
    My husband is not just any Stand.
[17:05] Okami
    You can't just sing and send him to heaven like everyone else.
[17:09] Okami
    He's completely different from other Stands.
[17:13] Gintoki
    Because he has an obsession with this world? Or a grudge?
[17:17] Okami
    No, it's because of the bond between two people.
[17:21] Okami
    For example, a lawyer and defendant, a coach and player,
[17:26] Okami
    or Guncannon and Gundam, or Tonkatsu and cabbage, or Mana and Kana!
[17:30] Gintoki
    Hey! The last couple of examples fall short, don't they?!
[17:33] Okami
    Humph. It means our bond is something that cannot be severed so easily.
[17:37] Gintoki
    Keep that kind of sappy talk to yourself, you old hag!
[17:42] Okami
    What? Don't you have a sweetheart? How pathetic!
[17:48] Gintoki
    Oh, leave me alone, you bitch!
[17:51] ---
    I...
[17:58] Okami
    Don't take your time if you don't have any!
[18:00] Gintoki
    Shut up! Don't make me miserable!
[18:03] Gintoki
    I tend to drag stuff like this out! It really hurts me, you know!
[18:07] Okami
    Anyway, it'll be over soon.
[18:12] Okami
    No matter when or what it is, Tagosaku will protect me.
[18:18] Okami
    Ever since that time...
[18:29] Okami
    Yes...
[18:31] Okami
    He has always protected me.
[18:48] Okami
    Always...
[18:55] Gintoki (M)
    Is she taking the Stand into her own body?
[18:59] Okami
    You have it all wrong.
[19:01] Okami
    A Stand user is not just about controlling the Stands as you command.
[19:06] Okami
    Being able to take in the Stand within your own body,
[19:09] Okami
    yet still retaining your own consciousness,
[19:12] Okami
    and controlling that immense power.
[19:15] Okami
    That's a true Stand user.
[19:17] Okami
    Gin, can you possibly do this?
[19:20] Gintoki (M)
    The old lady's body is transforming into someone else.
[19:24] Gintoki (M)
    This is...a true Stand user?!
[19:27] Gintoki
    But you're just His Excellency!
[19:32] Okami
    I'll turn you into a wax dummy, too!
[19:40] Gintoki
    D-Don't underestimate me, you old hag!
[20:34] Okami
    Is that it? We're just getting started here.
[20:39] Okami
    Don't tell me you're down already.
[20:48] Okami
    Just as I thought, you still have the energy left to move around.
[20:52] ---
    So,
[20:53] Okami
    this will be the final blow!
[21:04] Okami
    Even this isn't enough to atone your sins for wrecking my inn!
[21:09] Okami
    An ignorant brat like you talking like you know it all!
[21:13] Okami
    It's providence that a dead person goes to the next world. Yes, that's right!
[21:18] Okami
    But not everyone can go to heaven.
[21:22] Okami
    Some people can't go there!
[21:26] Okami
    There're people who can't stop thinking about this world.
[21:29] Okami
    Or there're people who have deep scars that have yet to heal.
[21:32] Okami
    This is the only place for people like them!
[21:36] Okami
    You...
[21:38] Okami
    You have no right to take it from them!
[21:59] Gintoki
    If that's true,
[22:01] Gintoki
    you don't have the right to keep them here, either, do you?
[22:07] Gintoki
    What keeps them here is not their failure to go to heaven.
[22:10] Gintoki
    Okami, it's because of you!
[22:15] Okami (M)
    N-No way.
[22:18] Okami (M)
    It can't be!
[22:19] Okami (M)
    This is...
[22:20] Okami (M)
    This is...
[22:25] Gintoki
    You old, dirty hag!
SIGN    [Tou (Sugar)]
[22:28] Gintoki
    I'll make sugar candy out of you!
SIGN    [To be continued]
SIGN    [His Excellency VS His Excellency]
SIGN    [Final Round!!]
[24:14] Gintoki
    Buwahahaha!! The next episode:
[24:16] Gintoki
    "Be Careful When Using Ghost Stories"
SIGN    [On the morning of our Shinto purification, an unanticipated situation has occurred.]
SIGN    [If we knew this was going to happen, we should've gone sooner...]
SIGN    [See you again next time!]