E19 - Why’s the Sea So Salty? Because You City Folk Pee Whenever You Go Swimming!

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    ["Tell us, Ginpachi Sensei"]
[00:00] All
    Tell us,
[00:02] All
    Ginpachi Sensei.
SIGN    [Question & Answers - Ginpachi Sakata]
[00:05] Ginpachi Sensei
    Well, this question is from someone pen-named, "Go to hell, Onishi-san."
[00:09] Ginpachi Sensei
    Gin-san always wears the same kimono. Does he only have one outfit?
[00:13] ---
    The answer is...
[00:16] Ginpachi Sensei
    In fact, he has four of the same kimonos, and he washes and wears them in turns.
[00:22] Ginpachi Sensei
    What? Why does he have four of the same kimono?
[00:26] Ginpachi Sensei
    You know... Because it's confusing if the main character changes his costume a lot.
[00:31] Ginpachi Sensei
    Lupin the 3rd always wears the same jacket, you know.
[00:35] Ginpachi Sensei
    Besides, in anime, if the costume is different every episode, you need to draw up a new setting and stuff!
[00:39] Ginpachi Sensei
    It's a pain in the ass!
[00:41] ---
    So, Onishi, go stand in the hallway!
SIGN    [And so we decided to go full out and change their looks for this episode.]
SIGN    [Please enjoy the summer fashion for the Odd Jobs family.]
SIGN    [Pachinko Jumbo]
[02:39] Boyhousewife
    Stop crying... I'm not going to come over there! Come over here quickly!
[03:00] Hasegawa
    Hey.
[03:02] Gintoki
    Oh...yeah... You're here, too. What's the matter with you? You're sweating like a pig.
[03:07] Gintoki
    Did you lose?
[03:09] Hasegawa
    No.
[03:10] ---
    It's hot today.
[03:11] Hasegawa
    You're sweating pretty badly, too. Did you lose?
[03:16] Gintoki
    Hot! It's hot today!
[03:19] Gintoki
    Hey, sun! Take a paid day off, idiot!
[03:21] Hasegawa
    I see. I thought I had cold sweats.
SIGN    ["Why is the Sea So Salty? Because You City Folk Pee Whenever You Go Swimming!"]
[03:53] Hasegawa
    Looks like a guy never comes to any good trying to get rich quick, eh?
[04:01] Hasegawa
    Money earned through your own sweat just naturally stays in your hands longer.
[04:07] Gintoki
    If I had stopped right there...
[04:11] Gintoki
    I could've won.
[04:14] ---
    Why didn't I stop at that point...?
[04:20] Hasegawa
    Are you listening to me?
[04:24] ---
    I used to be a hopeful kid with a lot of dreams.
[04:27] ---
    How would that kid feel if he saw me now?
[04:30] Hasegawa
    A grown-up snarfing an ice pop he bought with money he scrounged off the street.
[04:35] Gintoki
    If only I had stopped then...
[04:38] Gintoki
    I could be having all-you-can-eat parfaits right now... If only I had stopped then...
[04:45] Hasegawa
    Are you listening to me?
[04:46] Gintoki
    Oh, Hasagawa-san.
[04:50] Gintoki
    Have you heard of any easy money-making opportunities around?
[04:54] Hasegawa
    Because of the recession, everyone is eating ice pops for all three meals.
[04:57] Gintoki
    I can't eat ice cream three times a day. I prefer having a snack bar for lunch.
[05:01] Woman B
    Hey, stop...
[05:04] Woman B
    Come on! You said you were going to take me to the beach.
[05:08] Hasegawa
    Sounds good. I want to go to the beach.
[05:10] Woman B
    I already bought my swimsuit.
[05:13] Gintoki
    Sounds good. A bikini sounds really good!
[05:17] Man C
    Idiot. If we go to the beach right now, we can't swim.
[05:22] Man C
    I heard that some mysterious space creature might appear.
[05:25] Man C
    I don't know if it's a man-eating shark, squid or octopus,
[05:29] Man C
    but it's dangerous and people can't swim at the beach.
[05:31] Man C
    So they've posted a bounty on the monster.
[05:35] Woman B
    Oh, no! How scary!
[05:39] Hasegawa
    This summer...
[05:40] Gintoki
    ...we'll do some pole-and-line fishing for the alien!
[05:42] Woman B
    What? Who are these people?
SIGN    [Kabukicho Station]
[05:50] Gintoki
    So, you guys, let's go for it!
[05:53] All
    Yeah!
[05:54] Gintoki
    We're not going there for fun! We're going to fight!
[05:59] Gintoki
    We're about to ride the wild waves...
[06:03] Gintoki
    You guys look like you're going to a picnic!
[06:06] Gintoki
    You're allowed to buy snacks totaling 300 yen.
    300 yen is nothing for kids these days!
[06:10] Gintoki
    Do you understand?!
[06:12] Kagura
    Captain! You can buy 400 Tasty sticks.
[06:15] Hasegawa
    Really?! I can buy that many?
[06:17] Shinpachi
    Kagura-chan, your calculation isn't quite right.
[06:20] ---
    And Hasegawa-san, this is not the time to act surprised!
[06:22] Otae
    Shin-chan, don't you need to point out Gin-san's outfit?
[06:27] Gintoki
    Shut up. I didn't expect anything like that.
[06:29] ---
    By the way, what are you doing here?
[06:32] Otae
    I heard you're going to the beach, right?
[06:34] Gintoki
    Don't make me say that again.
    We're going to work!
[06:38] Otae
    I heard you're going to the beach, right?
[06:42] Gintoki
    Not again...
[06:43] Hasegawa
    Hey, Gin-san, holding nonsensical conversations won't do us any good.
[06:47] Hasegawa
    Let's just go to the beach.
[06:50] Hasegawa
    I hope nobody will beat us there.
[06:53] Kagura
    What?! We don't have a car?
[06:56] Kagura
    Gin-chan!
[06:57] Gintoki
    Where's the money for it?
[06:59] Kagura
    What?! It took me all night to make a music tape.
SIGN    [My Best]
[07:03] Gintoki
    How old are you?
[07:06] Gintoki
    It's not like you're going on your first date or getting your first driver's license in your 30s.
[07:09] Shinpachi
    Cassette tape players aren't built in cars anymore.
[07:13] Kagura
    I worked really hard to make "My Best" tape.
[07:16] Gintoki
    We don't have time. Let's go.
[07:17] Shinpachi
    Gin-san! A ticket, a ticket!
[07:19] Gintoki
    We can't even afford to buy a train ticket. Can't you understand?
[07:24] Shinpachi
    Then how can we...?
[07:26] Kagura
    Ride stealing, ride stealing. We have to cheat on the train fare, uh-huh.
[07:29] Shinpachi
    But that's a crime! How about buying discount fares at least?
[07:33] Gintoki
    We have no choice. We'll take a taxi...
[07:36] Shinpachi
    Hey, hey! This man changes his mind in the same breath!
[07:39] Hasegawa
    How about that? Let's take that for now.
[07:47] Shinpachi
    It's impossible. We can't even get probation.
[07:50] ---
    I don't know what to do.
[07:52] Otae
    Oh, well. You guys are really high-maintenance.
[07:57] Otae
    You should be thankful someone like me has common sense.
[08:01] Gintoki
    It can't be... You...
[08:03] Kagura
    You have money?
[08:05] Otae
    Don't worry. My budget is still strapped.
[08:08] Otae
    So let's find out how we can get to the beach on the cheap.
[08:17] Gintoki
    You sounded like you had some sort of great idea, but you're suggesting we hitchhike?
[08:21] Kagura
    I know that! You can stop a car with a sexy wink, right?
[08:25] Hasegawa
    All right! My thighs will shoot them down.
[08:28] Shinpachi
    Stop it, Hasegawa-san. No cars will stop for your hairy legs.
[08:35] Otae
    I have no choice...
[08:39] Otae
    First, put both hands on your head...
[08:44] Otae
    and suck in your stomach...
[08:48] Otae
    then stoop forward to show off your ample cleavage...
[08:57] Otae
    Go!
[09:09] Otae
    Here we go...
[09:12] Kagura
    Can you turn up the air conditioner?
[09:18] Otae
    Thank you. We're so lucky...
[09:21] Otae
    ...that we happened to be going the same way.
[09:24] Kagura
    Hey, can you play my tape?
[09:27] Shinpachi
    Ow! Kagura-chan, you're hurting me! Don't move!
[09:31] Shinpachi
    Your knee is pushing into my cut.
[09:32] Gintoki
    Hey, don't you think we should be treated a little better since we stopped the car with our lives?
[09:35] Hasegawa
    It's hot! Hot and stinky! You put in too much pomade!
[09:39] Kagura
    Play "My Best" now!
[09:39] Shinpachi
    Why can't you sit in the front seat, Sister?
[09:41] Gintoki
    Hey, driver, can you make it any cooler?
[09:42] Otae
    Don't worry about the small stuff, Shin-chan.
[09:43] Hasegawa
    It stinks! I can't breathe!
[09:45] Shinpachi
    Whoa! Warm liquid!
[09:47] Kagura
    Sadaharu, was that your pee?
[09:52] Hasegawa
    It stinks! O-Open the window!
[09:54] Kagura
    "My Best"!
[09:55] Gintoki
    Air conditioner!
[09:56] Shinpachi
    Warm liquid is on my leg!
[10:08] Driver
    Oh, my goodness...
[10:09] Gintoki
    Man, what a useless car.
[10:12] Kagura
    So true! I can't believe there's a car that can't play a cassette tape these days!
[10:15] Kagura
    That's crap!
[10:16] Shinpachi
    That's not true.
[10:20] Otae
    I made a big effort to get a taxi,
    but you were all too excited...
[10:24] Gintoki
    You sound like you stopped the car.
[10:31] Gintoki
    Ah. We still haven't arrived at the beach.
[10:36] Gintoki
    I feel like we've at least made it 200 kilometers.
[10:41] Otae
    Stop complaining and keep walking.
[10:43] Otae
    Just to let you know, we haven't even walked three kilometers yet.
[10:49] Shinpachi
    Give me some water...
[10:50] Kagura
    There's some water in the barrel attached to Sadaharu's neck.
[10:57] Shinpachi
    Th-This is...
[10:59] Kagura
    Oh, yeah. Raw water isn't healthy, so I made something like this.
[11:03] Shinpachi
    I can't drink it...
[11:10] Shinpachi
    G-Give me water...
[11:14] Gintoki
    Why are you talking like a boxer who's begging for a drink of water but needs to make his weight?
[11:21] Gintoki
    When it's hot, it doesn't do any good to say how hot it is, right?
[11:28] Hasegawa
    That's right. If he can speak out like that, he's fine.
[11:33] Hasegawa
    But if he can't speak clearly...
[11:40] Gintoki
    You're awesome, Hasegawa-san.
[11:43] Gintoki
    It reminds me of what the president of some company said:
[11:45] Gintoki
    "A man should lean forward even when falling down."
[11:48] Kagura
    Burning asphalt... It smells like those cheeks are burning.
[11:53] Hasegawa
    I'm really hot! Please help me!
[11:56] Hasegawa
    Seriously, my cheeks are hot and it smells like something's burning.
[11:59] Hasegawa
    I can't move anymore... Are you listening to me?
[12:05] Otae
    Oh, there's the beach!
[12:23] Gintoki
    Guys, let's go.
[12:25] All
    Yeah!
SIGN    [Danger! Swimming is prohibited!]
[12:49] Oyaji
    Oh? An alien hunt? Huh? Someone actually showed up?
[12:53] Oyaji
    Really?
[12:56] Oyaji
    This will be a big help!
[12:58] Oyaji
    Summer time is the busiest season, you know,
[13:01] Oyaji
    and we're not getting any customers because of the alien! We're really in trouble.
[13:05] Gintoki
    Um... Is that...
[13:08] Hasegawa
    ...you who posted the bounty...?
[13:10] Oyaji
    Right. That's me.
[13:14] ---
    But I didn't expect anyone to come.
[13:17] Oyaji
    I was kind of joking about it over drinks.
[13:22] ---
    So I never thought somebody would actually come.
[13:28] Gintoki
    Joking over drinks?! Hey, we're serious about making money for a living.
[13:35] Gintoki
    A man's gotta put his life on the line even when he's joking-
[13:38] Gintoki
    and we're gonna make sure you keep your end of the deal.
[13:40] Oyaji
    Hey, wait! Calm down!
[13:42] Oyaji
    Don't worry! I'll pay you. I have money.
[13:50] Kagura
    You liar! Your yakisoba noodles are pathetic.
[13:54] Kagura
    There's no way a guy like you has any money.
[13:57] Kagura
    I bet your life must be one big fried noodle.
[14:00] Kagura
    That's right, go ahead and say it - noodle!
[14:06] Kagura
    Noodle!
[14:08] Oyaji
    Hey! You can't just eat!
    You have to pay for it!
[14:10] Oyaji
    Listen, I'm a man of the sea.
[14:13] Oyaji
    It's true I don't have any money, but I can give you something just as valuable!
[14:16] Gintoki
    Hmm... Then I need to see it first.
    We'll get rid of the alien after that.
[14:22] All
    Right!
SIGN    [Beach Samurai]
[14:29] Shinpachi
    Cool shirt, Gin-san.
[14:31] Gintoki
    Right. If I'd worn this as a teenager, it may have been enough to push my mother to domestic violence.
[14:37] Oyaji
    That shirt is
[14:39] Oyaji
    rare and not for sale. Only my staff can wear it.
[14:43] Oyaji
    Now you are all fellow men of the sea!
[14:46] ---
    So release me now! Men of sea don't do this kind of thing!
[14:50] Shinpachi
    Gin-san, what are we going to do now?
[14:54] Gintoki
    Well...
[14:55] Hasegawa
    We've got no choice but to do it.
[14:58] Gintoki
    We have to do what?
[14:59] Hasegawa
    You've got a deserted beach,
[15:01] Hasegawa
    one alien, ..and three beach samurai.
[15:06] Hasegawa
    Who'll protect the beach if we don't?
[15:11] Hasegawa
    When you're down, how do you pick yourself up?
[15:16] Hasegawa
    People fall into two categories...depending on how they pick themselves up.
[15:24] Hasegawa
    The first kind of person...
[15:26] Hasegawa
    comforts himself by seeing somebody who's worse off and thinking,
[15:28] Hasegawa
    "Hey, at least I'm better off than that guy."
[15:31] Hasegawa
    And the second kind of person...
[15:33] Hasegawa
    sees a challenge and tries to raise himself to it.
[15:39] Hasegawa
    I belong to the second group.
[15:40] Hasegawa
    Since the olden days, whenever I've gotten into trouble, I always come to the ocean.
[15:44] Hasegawa
    Helps me realize how tiny I am.
[15:47] ---
    By the way, I met my first wife, Hatsu, at the ocean.
[15:53] ---
    What I'm trying to say is, it's like the sea is my textbook and teacher.
[16:00] Hasegawa
    Everyone has some place in their heart they can fall back on when they need to.
[16:04] Hasegawa
    Even if I drift from job to job,
[16:06] Hasegawa
    my heart is always here.
[16:09] Hasegawa
    And those jobs are the ways I define myself.
[16:14] Hasegawa
    Money doesn't matter. I believe that this job is my calling.
[16:18] Hasegawa
    Do you understand my feelings?
[16:24] Hasegawa
    Huh?
[16:27] Shinpachi
    Is that right, sister?
[16:29] Otae
    I reached a settlement with the community association.
[16:31] Otae
    If we get rid of the alien, they'll give us something in return.
[16:34] Hasegawa
    Hey, please listen to me...
[16:36] Gintoki
    Then we gotta be fired up!
[16:37] Hasegawa
    M-My feelings...
[16:39] Gintoki
    Let's go.
[16:40] Shinpachi
    Right!
[16:50] Oyaji
    But why do I have to do this?
[16:54] Oyaji
    Did I do something wrong?
[16:57] Oyaji
    I was just cooking fried noodles!
[17:04] Oyaji
    Give me a break! My legs are wrinkly. Please help!
[17:13] Gintoki
    I can't catch a thing.
[17:14] Shinpachi
    I wonder if it's not in the sea anymore...
[17:19] Hasegawa
    I don't think so.
[17:21] Hasegawa
    I have a feeling the alien is still in the sea.
[17:23] ---
    I can feel it.
[17:27] Hasegawa
    This alien is prepared to fight us. A fight between men.
[17:33] Hasegawa
    Breathtaking offense and defense.
[17:34] Hasegawa
    And...
[17:36] Hasegawa
    It's about man's romance with the sea!
[17:42] Hasegawa
    The alien must be waiting for just the right time!
[17:51] Hasegawa
    You understand how I feel...
[17:58] Hasegawa
    Miss, do you understand my feelings?
[18:01] Otae
    Yes, I do.
[18:03] Hasegawa
    Oh, thank you, Miss...
[18:10] Otae
    Would you like to have one? I made this omelet this morning.
[18:20] ---
    Um...
[18:21] Otae
    You can't fight if you're hungry.
[18:40] Otae
    How about another one?
[18:42] Hasegawa
    Um...I've had enough...
[18:46] Hasegawa
    Miss, do you understand... how I feel?
[18:50] Kagura
    I wish I could swim like them.
[18:57] Hasegawa
    I see... You're sensitive to the sun, so you can't go swimming.
[19:02] Hasegawa
    But it's best you not be out there.
[19:04] Otae
    Don't be shy.
[19:06] Hasegawa
    The alien might appear. Are they all right?
[19:11] Hasegawa
    Oh, well. If they can't listen to a guy's story then they deserve to die.
[19:16] Kagura
    Must be nice to swim.
[19:19] Hasegawa
    Miss? What are you going to do? Where did you find that?
[19:23] Kagura
    Don't want to watch someone else be happy.
[19:26] Kagura
    I want to just end their happiness.
[19:29] Hasegawa
    Everyone! Run away! This girl is crazy! She's really weird!
[19:39] Hasegawa
    Shoot! It's a double punch!
[19:42] Hasegawa
    Hey, run away, everybody!
[19:44] Hasegawa
    Double punch! Two dangers approach you!
[19:49] Gintoki
    What?!
[19:50] Shinpachi
    Double pants? Did he forget his trunks, maybe?
[19:54] Hasegawa
    Behind you! Shimura, behind you!
[19:56] ---
    Miss, you'd better wait a bit.
[20:00] Gintoki
    What?
[20:13] Gintoki
    It's here! Seriously! Like...right here!
[20:17] Gintoki
    Agh! I can't make this thing go any faster!
[20:22] Gintoki
    Wait, Shinpachi!
[20:24] Gintoki
    How come you can swim so fast?!
[20:26] Gintoki
    It's not like you!
[20:27] Gintoki
    You're the character who can't do anything right except set up my jokes, right?
[20:31] Shinpachi
    Ow! My eyes are gonna pop out, my eyes are gonna pop out!
[20:35] Oyaji
    You bastards!
[20:37] Oyaji
    You made a big mess.
[20:39] Oyaji
    I'll teach you to fear a man of the sea!
[20:43] Gintoki
    Uohhh! It's coming! They teamed up somehow!
[20:46] Kagura
    Gin-chan! Shinpachi!
[20:47] Otae
    Kagura-chan! Hit them back with that rock.
[20:49] Kagura
    All right.
[20:54] Hasegawa
    Miss, wait, wait, wait! I'm on it!
[20:58] Hasegawa
    I agree you should throw this rock, but not when I'm on it...
[21:01] Kagura
    There!
[21:05] Shinpachi
    Oh?
[21:06] Gintoki
    Hey, that...
[21:12] Kagura
    Whoops.
[21:18] Hasegawa
    Hey, is everyone all right?
[21:33] Hasegawa
    Eat me if you want....
[21:35] Hasegawa
    I wouldn't mind traveling around the sea inside your stomach.
[21:48] Hasegawa
    You...
[21:59] Hasegawa
    That's the story.
[22:02] Hasegawa
    I think he understood how much I loved the sea.
[22:07] Gintoki
    It's not about the mind, though.
    A man...speaks with his soul.
[22:14] Hasegawa
    His appearance was frightening, but I guess he just wanted to have some fun with us.
[22:23] Hasegawa
    I can tell. Because only good people can live in the sea.
[22:30] Hasegawa
    While you soak in the sea, it washes away all the dirt and scum.
[22:37] Gintoki
    ...scum...
[22:39] ---
    It looks like the scum stayed on the beach.
SIGN    [Big Hit! Marine Fun Park: Come Play with a Monster!]
[22:46] Gintoki
    Whatever.
[24:22] Ending Creditgin
    There's a ghost in the Shinsengumi headquarters?
SIGN    
[24:25] Ending Creditgin
    Don't be silly!
[24:26] Ending Creditgin
    There's no such thing in this world... Agh! It does exist!
[24:31] Ending Creditgin
    Help me!
[24:33] Ending Creditgin
    The next episode: "Watch Out for Conveyor Belts!"
[24:36] Gin
    Conveyor Belts--!
SIGN    [Who is this red kimono-wearing ghost that appears in the Shinsengumi headquarters every night?]
SIGN    [Another exciting episode of Gintama coming up next! Get excited!!]
[24:50] Gin
    Should I wear a different kimono every once in a while?