E73 - "Think for a Minute Now, Do Matsutake Mushrooms Really Taste All That Good?"

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    [OTOSE SNACK HOUSE]
[00:01] Catherine
    Otose-san, did you hear?
[00:03] ---
    It seems we had a lot of complaints about last week's episode.
[00:07] Otose
    Well, GinTama will be off the air soon.
[00:08] ---
    It won't be easy keeping GinTama on the air if it makes an enemy out of the PTA.
[00:13] Catherine
    It happened when they cast a naturally wavy-haired guy,
[00:15] Catherine
    a beastly girl and a stupid four-eyes as the main characters.
[00:19] Otose
    That's right.
[00:20] Otose
    It's an aging society with a falling birth rate.
[00:22] Otose
    From now on, it'll be an anime for senior citizens.
[00:24] ---
    A mature woman like me would be a great main character.
[00:27] Catherine
    Please consider a cat-eared woman as a mascot.
[00:30] Otose
    It's a deal. It'll be a new show starting in the fall season.
[00:33] ---
    Catherine, go collect the last rent payment from those guys.
[00:37] Catherine
    All right. I'm going!
SIGN    [Entering the mountains to look for matsutake mushrooms... Gintoki and the others feel like they're on a picnic.]
SIGN    [Blame the Odd Jobs Trio... Who's this mysterious man?!]
[02:19] Catherine
    Sakata-san, Sakata-san.
[02:23] Catherine
    I came to collect the rent for Otose-san.
[02:27] Catherine
    Please open up. I know you're there.
[02:31] Catherine
    Sakata-san, stupid Sakata-san.
[02:34] Shinpachi
    Ah, that's why I told you we should've gotten an earlier start.
[02:37] Gintoki
    Shh, be quiet. Erase any traces of your presence.
[02:41] Gintoki
    And become one with nature.
[02:43] Gintoki
    You're part of the universe, and the universe is a part of you.
[02:47] Kagura
    The universe is a part of me? That's great!
[02:50] Kagura
    All my worries will become insignificant!
[02:53] Gintoko
    You're too loud! Be quiet!
[02:55] Shinpachi
    You're the loudest one here!
[02:56] Gintoki
    No! Your punch line is the loudest!
[03:02] Gintoki
    It got quiet all of a sudden. Did she leave?
[03:05] Catherine
    I'm as excited as if we were on a school trip.
[03:11] Catherine
    Wait.
[03:14] Gintoki
    Open sesame!
[03:20] Gintoki
    Let's go.
[03:20] Shinpachi
    Ah, wait...
[03:23] Otose
    Catherine's specialty is "lock picking."
[03:26] Otose
    Even if you hid in a safe box, you couldn't escape her.
[03:32] Shinpachi
    O-Otose-san...
[03:34] Catherine
    Call me "Latchkey Catherine."
[03:37] Otose
    Hey, mop head! Today I'm collecting my rent from you!
[03:42] Otose
    If you don't have any money, earn some by selling your organs or your balls!
[03:45] Otose
    You bastard!
[03:48] Gintoki
    Now!
[03:50] Catherine
    Otose-san! Otose-san!
[03:57] Otose
    Hey, pay me the rent!
[04:00] Sinpachi
    Gin-san, is it true we can gather enough matsutake mushrooms to pay the rent?
[04:03] Kagura
    Otherwise, we won't be able to come back.
[04:06] Gintoki
    Don't worry. Believe in what I say.
[04:09] All
    Whoa!
[04:11] Three
    Mushroom Hunting!!
SIGN    ["Think for a Minute Now, Do Matsutake Mushrooms Really Taste All That Good?"]
[04:24] Marinosuke
    People often compare climbing a mountain to life.
[04:30] Marinosuke
    Accomplishing something in life is like reaching the top of the mountain.
[04:38] Marinosuke
    But mountains...
[04:39] Marinosuke
    ...aren't that simple.
[04:43] Marinosuke
    If you don't have some place to come back to, you'll die in a ditch.
[04:48] Marinosuke
    Once you've come back down the mountain,
[04:50] Marinosuke
    you can say you've really accomplished something.
[05:00] Gintoki
    Everybody, come over!
[05:06] Gintoki
    Line up!
SIGN    [Note: Spoof of a Drifters comedy sketch.]
[05:08] Gintoki
    Listen up!
[05:09] Gintoki
    Don't expect to be climbing down any mountains until we find some Matsutake mushrooms!
[05:13] Gintoki
    Mountain climbing doesn't end until you return home and say, "I'm back."
[05:16] Gintoki
    Don't get so excited! The mountain is always playing tricks on you!
[05:20] Kagura
    What kind of mountain tricks?
[05:22] Gintoki
    What?! That's uh... They're similar to the tricks of summer.
[05:26] Gintoki
    It's like: Don't follow suspicious strangers when having fun at the beach.
[05:30] Gintoki
    Or like the warnings you hear in homeroom right before summer vacation...
[05:32] Shinpachi
    You're the one who's the most excited, Gin-san.
[05:36] Marinosuke
    You guys...this mountain is dangerous. Climb back down as soon as possible.
[05:46] Marinosuke
    Really... In autumn, there're so many people who don't understand the harsh dangers of nature.
[05:52] Marinosuke
    Well, but I...
[05:53] Marinosuke
    ...came here without knowing anything, either. I never thought I...
[06:00] Marinosuke
    Hey, you! What the hell are you doing?!
[06:02] Gintoki
    Well, you know... I drank too much yesterday, so I thought I might return to the natural world.
[06:08] Gintoki
    And I exposed the lower half of my body so I can feel at one with nature.
[06:11] Marinosuke
    You should return to the soil!
[06:13] Shinpachi
    Ah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, somehow!
[06:17] Marinosuke
    What do you mean "somehow"? You should feel completely sorry!
[06:21] Kagura
    Gin-chan!
[06:22] Gintoki
    Huh?
[06:25] Kagura
    Is this a matsutake mushroom?
[06:27] Gintoki
    No, no. That's the kiddy size.
[06:29] Gintoki
    The adult version looks much bigger.
[06:32] Kagura
    Like about 30cm?
[06:35] Gintoki
    Well... I want to say that. But it makes me feel like I'm showing off...
[06:40] Shinpachi
    Huh?
[06:41] Marinosuke
    Ow, ow, ow!
[06:46] Marinosuke
    You guys will be in danger if you don't climb down the mountain like I said.
[06:52] Gintoki
    In danger...
[06:54] Shinpachi
    It doesn't sound too convincing when you were the one that got stuck on my hook.
[06:59] Marinosuke
    Anyway, believe me. You should go home as soon as possible.
[07:10] Kagura
    Who's that guy?
[07:11] Shinpachi
    Was he trying to warn us about something?
[07:13] Gintoki
    I don't know...
[07:15] Gintoki
    Forget about that guy, and let's go find some matsutake mushrooms!
[07:18] Kagura/Shinpachi
    Oi!
[07:22] Shinpachi
    No, no, no, no! Just look at it! It's obviously poisonous!
[07:26] Gintoki
    Don't make me repeat myself.
[07:29] Gintoki
    The uglier something looks, the better it tastes.
[07:31] Gintoki
    Like salted fish guts and crab guts.
[07:33] Shinpachi
    But that weird color is a warning.
[07:36] Shinpachi
    It's like, "I'm poisonous, so don't even get close to me."
[07:40] Gintoki
    Come on, it's always the edgiest, scariest guys who turn out to be the biggest teddy bears.
[07:45] Gintoki
    You saw that scene where the juvenile delinquent picks up an abandoned kitten
[07:48] Gintoki
    and protects it in his school uniform in the rain, right?
[07:52] Gintoki
    It's kind of a tradition in this country.
[07:54] Shinpachi
    I've never seen anything like that.
[07:58] Gintoki
    In spring, he bumps into a girl on the street corner
[08:00] Gintoki
    who has bread in her mouth on the morning of the school's opening ceremony...
[08:03] Gintoki
    In rainy season, a juvenile delinquent puts an abandoned kitten in his school uniform...
[08:06] Gintoki
    And in fall, it's time for love confessions at the annual school festival.
[08:08] Gintoki
    Those are the traditions created by our ancestors.
[08:11] Shinpachi
    What kind of four seasons are you talking about?!
[08:14] Gintoki
    Am I right, Sadaharu?
[08:19] Gintoki
    Oh, that smells good!
[08:20] Gintoki
    This is an excellent quality mushroom, even better than matsutake mushrooms.
[08:23] Gintoki
    You're amazing, Gin-san.
[08:24] Shinpachi
    Why are you doing your own dubbing? He obviously rejected it.
[08:28] Gintoki
    Shut up, four-eyes! Don't talk back to Gin-san.
[08:31] Gintoki
    After all, you've only eaten shiitake mushrooms, huh?
SIGN    [Note: A shiitake mushroom is an ordinary mushroom, less expensive than a matsutake mushroom.]
[08:33] Shinpachi
    How about you? You can only afford to eat nameko soup, right?
SIGN    [Note: Nameko is a small, amber-brown mushroom. It's even less expensive than shiitake mushrooms.]
[08:36] Shinpachi
    You dirt-poor samurai!
[08:37] Kagura
    Gin-chan! Shinpachi! Look! Look!
[08:39] Kagura
    Here, I found a big one, uh-huh.
[08:42] Kagura
    Can we eat this, too?
[08:45] Shinpachi
    Wh-Where did you pick up something like that?! Don't get so close!
[08:49] Gintoki
    Go back to where you came from and take it with you!
[08:50] Gintoki
    And marry it so it won't come back!
[08:53] Kagura
    Oh, my! You two are really excited. Don't worry we'll split it equally.
[08:58] Shinpachi
    I don't want any part of that!
[09:00] ---
    What is it, anyway? Is it dead?
[09:02] Kagura
    I don't know.
[09:07] Kagura
    Well, it was just lying over there.
[09:09] Gintoki
    I told you to stop picking up everything.
[09:12] Shinpachi
    This is a bear, right? It has a mushroom growing on its head.
[09:15] Gintoki
    That's because it didn't use its brain much.
[09:18] Gintoki
    You know Kishibe-san, who lives on 3rd Street?
[09:20] Gintoki
    That old man had one on his head, too.
[09:22] Kagura
    Is that right? I'd better be careful.
[09:24] Shinpachi
    These wounds...don't look like they were inflicted by a hunter...
[09:28] ---
    Like that man suggested, maybe we should climb down the mountain.
[09:33] Gintoki
    Idiot! Don't lose your nerve!
[09:36] Gintoki
    We haven't even found a single matsutake mushroom.
[09:38] Gintoki
    You know, "Unless you enter the tiger's den, you cannot steal her cubs."
[09:41] Gintoki
    How can we pick mushrooms if we're afraid of bears, damn it?!
[09:44] Kagura
    How can you have an affair if you're scared of your wife, damn it?!
[09:48] Gintoki/Kagura
    Matsutake, la la la...
[09:53] Shinpachi
    Gin-san... Look up! Up there!
[09:53] ---
    Matsutake...
[10:03] Shinpachi
    No! No way! Playing dead doesn't work!
[10:06] Shinpachi
    It's just an old wives' tale. Superstition!
[10:09] Kagura
    Gin-chan, he's saying it's a superstition.
[10:14] Kagura
    Ah, that's not fair! You are playing dead without me.
[10:18] ---
    Mr. Bear, this guy is still alive!
[10:21] Kagura
    See, he's still alive!
[10:22] Gintoki
    Don't talk so loud!
[10:24] Gintoki
    If you focus on pretending to be dead, it'll work, even on a bear.
[10:28] Kagura
    Okay. G'night, Gin-chan.
[10:39] Sinpachi
    Gin-san! Kagura-chan!
[10:41] Marinosuke
    Hey, hey, playing dead nowadays... You guys are really old-fashioned.
[10:47] Gintoki
    Wait, wait, wait, wait!
[10:49] Gintoki
    Time out, time out!
[10:51] Gintoki/Kagura
    Ah...
[10:56] Marinosuke
    Yo! Over here!
[11:08] Marinosuke
    That bear is Masamune.
[11:11] Marinosuke
    In other words, he's in charge of this mountain.
[11:13] Gintoki
    I wonder who you are...
[11:23] Marinosuke
    The name's Marinosuke. I'm hunting him.
[11:38] Marinosuke
    Ah? Mushroom hunting?
[11:41] Marinosuke
    Don't you know how dangerous this mountain is?
[11:43] Kagura
    You're only saying that because you want the matsutake mushrooms all to yourself!
[11:46] Shinpachi
    Kagura-chan, how can you say something like that to someone who rescued us?!
[11:49] Shinpachi
    Marinosuke-san, please come over and have some food.
[11:54] Gintoki
    That huge bear you said was in charge of the mountain... Did something happen to it?
[11:59] Marinosuke
    As you saw...
[12:01] ---
    There's a strange mushroom on Masamune's head.
[12:05] Marinosuke
    I don't know which planet it came from,
[12:07] Marinosuke
    but anyone infected by that parasitic mushroom becomes its living food source.
[12:14] Marinosuke
    You lose control of yourself
[12:18] Marinosuke
    and turn into a ravenous monster that lives to fulfill the appetite of that mushroom.
[12:21] Marinosuke
    The dead bear you saw was probably killed by Masamune.
[12:25] Gintoki
    It even kills fellow bears...
[12:28] Marinosuke
    I heard it ravaged the crops and ate people in the village at the foot of the mountain.
[12:32] Marinosuke
    The damage was devastating.
[12:35] Marinosuke
    So, that's why I'm here.
[12:38] Marinosuke
    I'm really good at this and the only one who can handle that huge bear.
[12:42] Gintoki
    Are you doing it for a reward? How much would you get if you beat him?
[12:47] Marinosuke
    It's not like that.
[12:49] ---
    Let's just say...he and I go way back.
[12:52] Gintoki
    If there's such a monster here, it's a lousy time to be matsutake mushroom hunting.
[12:57] Gintoki
    We have no other choice but to climb down the mountain!
[12:59] Shinpachi
    But Gin-san! There's a mushroom growing on your head!
[13:02] Gintoki
    Huh?
[13:04] Gintoki
    Whoa!
[13:05] Kagura
    It's because you're not using your head enough every day.
[13:08] Shinpachi
    Hey, you've got one, too!
[13:10] ---
    And, what?! Me, too?!
[13:12] Marinosuke
    I told you. You've all been infected by the parasite.
[13:15] Marinosuke
    This is what happens when amateurs go where they don't belong.
[13:18] Gintoki/Kagura/Shinpachi
    So do you!
[13:19] Marinosuke
    What?! Why?! Hey, you guys, what did you put in this soup?!
[13:23] Kagura
    That's impolite! You criticizing my cooking?!
[13:26] Kagura
    You don't have many opportunities to eat a mushroom growing on a bear's head, uh-huh!
[13:30] Gintoki
    Why did you do that?!
[13:31] Gintoki
    How could you put a mushroom growing out of a corpse into the pot!
[13:35] Shinpachi
    This is terrible! What's gonna happen to us?!
[13:37] Marinosuke
    If we don't do something, we'll end up like that bear.
[13:40] Gintoki
    Right. If we don't do something, we'll end up in Mario's World.
[13:43] Marinosuke
    No, that's not right.
[13:45] Kagura
    If everything goes well, we'll be in the next Mario series.
[13:48] Shinpachi
    No, we won't!
[13:48] Gintoki
    Mamma Mia!
[13:49] Marinosuke
    But there's no need to panic.
[13:50] Marinosuke
    If you get treated in the village during the early stages, you'll be okay.
[13:54] Marinosuke
    Until then, don't touch the mushroom on your head.
[13:56] Marinosuke
    Listen to what I say!
[13:59] Shinpachi
    Whoa! It multiplied!
[14:02] Gintoki
    Hey, why are you smiling? It's not like you're better because you have more.
[14:06] Shinpachi
    Marinosuke-san, what should we do?
[14:08] Shinpachi
    Can do you something about it?! You can do something about it, right?!
[14:11] Marinosuke
    Don't talk to me like I'm Professor Mushroom or something!
[14:18] Shinpachi
    No way! This is terrible! Why does he have to show up now?!
[14:22] Gintoki
    This may be our last meal. We might as well eat.
[14:23] Kagura
    That's my ambition, to die with a full stomach.
[14:25] Shinpachi
    Why are you eating at a time like this?!
[14:34] Marinosuke
    This is why amateurs keep my hands full.
[14:37] Marinosuke
    Marinosuke-san!
[14:43] Marinosuke
    I can take care of this myself. You guys head down to the village.
[14:46] Marinosuke
    This fight is just between us. I don't need any help.
[14:51] Marinosuke
    Right, Masamune?
[14:56] Marinosuke
    Go now! Hurry up!
[14:58] Shinpachi
    B-But...Gin-san.
[15:00] Gintoki
    Whoa! They're multiplying somehow!
[15:02] Kagura
    It's like "infinite 1-UP" I feel like, even if I die, I can be revived!
[15:06] Shinpachi
    I hope you die then!
[15:08] Marinosuke
    Hey, four-eyes! Quickly get those fools outta here! Or it'll be too late.
[15:12] Shinpachi
    All right.
[15:14] ---
    Marinosuke-san! You better not die!
[15:19] Marinosuke
    Who knows...
[15:22] Marinosuke
    Sorry for making you wait, Masamune.
[15:24] Marinosuke
    Either I pull this trigger or you'll take off my head...
[15:31] Marinosuke
    Fight me!
[15:59] Marinosuke (M)
    Now!
[16:06] Marinosuke
    Damn it...
[16:14] Marinosuke
    Hey, hey, hey, where are you taking me?
[16:16] Marinosuke
    Let me go. I gotta settle this with him once and for all.
[16:20] Gintoki
    What are you thinking?! Do you want to die?!
[16:23] Marinosuke
    Shut up! Leave me alone! This has nothing to do with you guys.
[16:27] Kagura
    He's coming!
[16:29] Shinpachi
    Gin-san! Over there!
[16:42] Marinosuke
    What's going on? I thought you guys went down the mountain!
[16:45] Gintoki
    We can climb down the mountain anytime.
[16:47] Gintoki
    But we just couldn't leave a guy who can't even climb down his own mountain.
[16:57] Marinosuke
    You're saying... I climbed up my mountain, but can't climb down?
[17:02] ---
    That might be true.
[17:04] Marinosuke
    It's true that I climbed this mountain by myself...
[17:07] Marinosuke
    And it was different from any mountain I've climbed before...
[17:13] Marinosuke
    A long time ago there was a village of hunters.
[17:19] Marinosuke
    They lived in harmony with nature.
[17:22] Marinosuke
    Thus, they had a great respect for nature over all other things.
[17:27] Marinosuke
    The village had rules.
[17:30] Marinosuke
    Other than the scared hunt, interfering with the natural cycle of life and death was forbidden.
[17:34] Marinosuke
    And you couldn't kill or come to anything's rescue.
[17:38] Marinosuke
    But there was a man who was swayed by his emotions and broke that rule.
[17:44] Marinosuke
    The man felt happy.
[17:46] Marinosuke
    He'd never known anything but "Sacred killing"...
[17:50] Marinosuke
    But now he'd saved a life, no matter how small...
[17:55] Marinosuke
    And the man realized
[17:59] Marinosuke
    that he was being supported by that small life...
[18:05] Marinosuke
    But the pact-keepers showed no mercy and ripped that small life away from him.
[18:12] Marinosuke
    The man was overwhelmed by rage and grief, but couldn't do anything.
[18:20] Marinosuke
    From that day on, he was unable to raise his gun at anything ever again.
[18:27] Marinosuke
    And one day, the man heard a rumor about a huge one-eyed bear laying waste to a village.
[18:36] Gintoki
    It doesn't look like it'll last long...
[18:39] ---
    Both this tree and us.
[18:41] Marinosuke
    He's taking his revenge against humans.
[18:44] Marinosuke
    For the way they'd torn his parents from him and then mercilessly discarded him.
[18:49] Marinosuke
    The foolish man who turned him into such a monster was me.
[18:55] Marinosuke
    So the least I can do is try to kill him, or die by his hand... That's all I can do.
[19:02] Marinosuke
    But no matter how many times I tried, I couldn't pull the trigger.
[19:07] Marinosuke
    I believed that it was the right thing to climb this mountain, but I don't know how to climb down.
[19:14] Marinosuke
    And so I might as well...
[19:15] Marinosuke
    It wouldn't be so bad if I died in a ditch atop the mountain.
[19:19] Gintoki
    You've got it wrong.
[19:22] Gintoki
    Nobody knows where to go back down after they've climbed up the mountain. However...
[19:31] Gintoki
    ...if you don't climb down, you won't know if you can ever climb another mountain.
[19:38] Gintoki
    If you want to die in a ditch, you can do it after you climb down this mountain, okay?
[19:42] Marinosuke
    You...
[19:45] Shinpachi
    Whoa! It's the end!
[19:47] Marinosuke
    Move!
[19:56] Marinosuke
    No effect at all, eh?
[19:58] Marinosuke
    I guess the only way to save you is to blow that mushroom off your head.
[20:03] Marinosuke
    Masamune!
[20:10] Marinosuke (M)
    Did I end it...?
[20:31] Marinosuke
    You guys...
[20:33] Shinpachi
    Marinosuke-san!
[20:59] Marinosuke (M)
    Masamune...
[21:08] Marinosuke (M)
    Forgive me...
[21:19] Marinosuke
    Goodbye, Masamune.
[21:25] Marinosuke
    It looks like I've caused you nothing but trouble.
[21:29] Marinosuke
    What are you guys going to do now?
[21:31] Gintoki
    Well, we're tired of mushroom hunting.
[21:34] Kagura
    We'll go grape picking next!
[21:37] Marinosuke
    You guys will never learn.
[21:40] Gintoki
    ...So, what are you going to do?
[21:42] Marinosuke
    Finally, I climbed down my mountain.
[21:45] Marinosuke
    I'll look for my next mountain and live freely.
[21:48] Marinosuke
    I'll live for him, too.
SIGN    
SIGN    Wow, "Kochikame" has been running for 31 years already.
SIGN    [Note: Kochikame (Kochira Katsushika-ku Kameari Kōen-mae Hashutsujo) is the longest-running manga series in history.]
SIGN    I hope GinTama lasts that long and becomes a national manga and they build a statue of me.
[23:41] ---
    The next episode… "The Manga Writer Becomes a Pro, After Doing a Stock of Manuscripts."
[23:46] Gintoki
    Well, next is the King Kong twosome. Thanks.
[23:57] Gintoki
    Well, next is the King Kong twosome. Thanks.
[24:03] Gintoki
    Oops! It looks like I've arrived at the wrong time.
[24:08] Shinpachi
    Sensei, please stop acting so blatant in trying to fill time.
[24:11] Gintoki
    I already told you this isn't a cigarette. It's a lollipop.
[24:15] Shinpachi
    Don't try to laugh it off!
[24:18] Gintoki
    It's smoking because I’m licking it so fast.
[24:24] Gintoki
    Finally… Next is the King Kong twosome. Thanks.
SIGN    [Whether people watch "King Kong Hills." Or whether those who don't will keep watching this channel.]