E53 - Stress Makes You Bald, but It's Stressful to Avoid Stress, so You End Up Stressed Out Anyway, so in the End There's Nothing You Can Do

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Shinpachi
    "Land of the Samurai."
[00:03] ---
    The days when our country was called that are long past...
[00:07] Gintoki
    Hey, what's with that?
[00:09] Kagura
    Makes it seem like a rerun...
[00:11] Shinpachi
    A viewer who just started watching said they didn't understand what was going on.
[00:16] Gintoki
    They should buy the original comics or the DVD.
[00:21] Kagura
    That's right. It's a business opportunity.
[00:23] Shinpachi
    What's with that?!
[00:25] Kagura
    Women and anime are more appealing if they're a bit mysterious.
[00:28] Gintoki
    So, the people who don't understand should do something on their own.
[00:32] Shinpachi
    This anime's hopeless....
SIGN    [Spring is the season of new beginnings. People marry, start new jobs...]
SIGN    [To those people, we offer the following words: "Life is like a soap bubble."]
SIGN    ["Stress Makes You Bald, but It's Stressful to Avoid Stress, so You End Up Stressed Out Anyway, so in the End There's Nothing You Can Do"]
[02:22] Gintoki (M)
    What is right?
[02:24] Gintoki (M)
    What is wrong? In this mixed-up world...
[02:29] Gintoki (M)
    deciding what is right and wrong is not easy.
[02:34] Gintoki (M)
    You can't just go by somebody else's rules. If you let yourself be controlled like that...
[02:42] Gintoki (M)
    you'll just become a puppet that can't make decisions on its own.
[02:46] Gintoki (M)
    In the end, the only choice is to decide for yourself.
[02:52] Gintoki (M)
    You have to live by your own rules.
[02:56] Gintoki
    It should be okay to put JUMP with the combustible trash. Reading it always lights my fire.
[03:00] Otose
    You're the only thing that's on fire!
[03:05] Otose
    I keep telling you that magazines go out with Wednesday's recyclable trash!
[03:09] Otose
    When are you ever going to learn how to separate your trash?
[03:13] Otose
    You throw everything in the combustible trash pile!
[03:15] Gintoki
    I hate non-combustible trash!
[03:17] Gintoki
    What's non-combustible, anyway? That makes it sound like this won't burn!
[03:21] Gintoki
    This can be burned! Those sanitation workers are just too lazy to do it.
[03:25] Otae
    You some kind of overzealous teacher or something?!
[03:27] Otae
    Anyway, take that back home with you.
[03:29] Otae
    Recently, there've been a lot of arsons at trash collection sites,
[03:32] Otae
    so they're much stricter with the rules.
[03:34] Gintoki
    What a pain.
[03:36] Gintoki
    Oh well, then. Maybe I'll just use it for toilet paper...
[03:40] Gintoki
    Huh? Hey, whoa! A fire? Here?
[03:44] Gintoki
    That hag! She tossed her cigarette!
[03:48] ---
    This is bad! Water! Water! No water!
[03:52] Gintoki
    Pull yourself together, pal. You can do this... Believe in yourself... You can do it...
[04:00] Tatsumi
    Caught you in the act at last!
[04:03] Tatsumi
    Serial arsonist.
[04:06] Tatsumi
    Now that I, Tatsumi of the ME team, have found you, don't expect to escape with your life!!
SIGN    [Note: ME team is a play on ME-gumi no Tatsugoro of "Abarenbo Shogun."]
[04:12] Gintoki
    Excuse me, please stop staring.
SIGN    [ME-Team HQ]
SIGN    I'm trying to tell you.
[04:21] Gintoki
    I was just trying to put out the fire with my "holy water."
[04:26] Tatsumi
    Stop lying, you perverted arsonist!
[04:29] Tatsumi
    Showing me your filthy thing! You've traumatized me, you perv!
[04:32] Gintoki
    You know, this experience will only make you stronger.
[04:37] Tatsumi
    I don't want to hear that from the guy who traumatized me!
[04:39] Gintoki
    You mustn't be so passive about it!
[04:42] Gintoki
    When you saw my crotch, you became a live witness to a man in battle!
[04:47] Gintoki
    Think positive!
[04:50] Tatsumi
    Damn you. Don't make fun of me just because I'm a woman!
[04:53] Tatsumi
    From the day I became a firefighter,
[04:55] Tatsumi
    I rolled up my gender in a wad of tissues and threw it in the trash, you jerk.
[04:58] Gintoki
    Then seeing a crotch or two shouldn't be a problem at all!
[05:03] Gintoki
    Just wrap it up in a tissue and throw it away! It was embarrassing for me, too, you know.
SIGN    [Note: The scroll reads: "Don't play with fire"]
SIGN    This isn't about you! This is about arson!
[05:10] Gintoki
    Like I told you, I didn't do it! This was the only liquid I had!
[05:14] Tatsumi
    Get away from there, dammit!
[05:16] Chief
    What's going on? You sure are noisy.
[05:19] Chief
    I was resting up so I'd be ready in case of an emergency. Keep quiet, stupid!
[05:25] Tatsumi
    Everyone! I captured the arsonist!
[05:27] Chief
    Probably the wrong one again, right?
[05:29] Chief
    You've hauled in eight innocent people this week alone.
[05:33] Chief
    Enough of this "Nancy Drew" crap.
[05:38] Chief
    Don't you ever do anything foolish like trying to catch the arsonist again, idiot.
[05:42] Tatsumi
    A firefighter's job is to also prevent fires!
[05:45] Tatsumi
    I'm positive he's the one! He was setting fires at a trash pickup site just like the arsonist.
[05:50] Announcement
    Fire at the tofu shop at 3-chome.
[05:53] Announcement
    Origin appears to be a trash pickup area next to the store.
[05:56] Announcement
    Proceed immediately. Repeat. Fire at the tofu shop at 3-chome...
[05:57] Chief
    Okay! Guys, let's roll!
[05:59] Men
    Right!
[06:00] Tatsumi
    That can't be...
[06:01] Gintoki
    I told you. I told you.
[06:05] Chief
    Tatsumi...
[06:06] Chief
    I realize you're a woman trying as hard as you can to keep up with the guys.
[06:11] Chief
    But you're chasing your own tail!
[06:13] Chief
    By the time you realize you've been blown around by the winds of life, it'll be too late.
[06:17] Chief
    So don't try to live the same life we lead.
[06:20] Tatsumi
    Telling me that won't change my mind!
[06:23] Chief
    Then let me convince you. A woman can't be a firefighter.
[06:27] Tatsumi
    Wha...?
[06:35] Tatsumi
    I called your home. Your family should be coming to get you soon.
[06:40] Gintoki
    Huh? That wasn't necessary!
[06:44] Tatsumi
    Sorry.
[06:46] Tatsumi
    My mistake got you into this mess.
[06:49] Gintoki
    Don't worry about it. I showed you something embarrassing, so let's call it even.
[06:54] Tatsumi
    Damn you! Since we met, all you've talked about is your crotch!
[06:56] Tatsumi
    Man, you are a weird guy.
[06:59] Gintoki
    Hey, where're you going?
[07:01] Tatsumi
    To catch the arsonist, of course.
[07:03] Tatsumi
    I'm not the type to give up just because something like this happened.
[07:05] Gintoki
    You don't give up.
[07:07] Gintoki
    Don't blame me when you vanish like a soap bubble being blown around by the wind.
[07:11] Tatsumi
    Shut up! Someday I'll be the greatest firefighter in Edo.
[07:15] Tatsumi
    I won't let those clowns or an arsonist defeat me!
[07:25] Kagura
    You good-for-nothing son!
[07:27] Kagura
    Where did you learn to play with fire?! That's not how we brought you up!!
[07:31] Shinpachi
    Come on, stop that, Kagura-chan! What're you doing? He'll die! You're killing him!
[07:35] Kagura
    Hey! Men are soap bubbles!
[07:39] ---
    I'm disgusted with you! You're just like your father, aren't you?!
[07:43] ---
    Hey!
[07:44] ---
    Hey!
[07:44] Shinpachi
    Kagura-chan, where'd you come up with those lines?
[07:47] Kagura
    "The city that never sleeps: Edo Hacchobori: 24 hours."
[07:50] Kagura
    It's a quote from "Battle of the Pickpocket vs. The G-men."
[07:52] Gintoki
    Spare me the quote! You learn nothing but the strangest things!
[07:55] Gintoki
    You can forget about growing up into a decent adult!
[07:57] Ken-Chan
    Yo-chan! Check out the weirdo!
[08:00] Yo-Chan
    What're you doing messing around back here?
[08:04] Tatsumi
    Be good little boys and go away for a while. I'm busy right now, you know...
[08:10] Ken-Chan
    Sitting inside a trashcan? What are you, an idiot?!
[08:13] Tatsumi
    Cut it out, you brats!
[08:14] Yo-Chan
    You want to go back inside your mother's womb?! You want to soak in amniotic fluid again?!
[08:19] Ken-Chan
    You can stay in there till ya rot! Idiot!
[08:23] Yo-Chan
    Idiot!
[08:24] Tatsumi
    I'll remember this! I swear I'll shave off all your hair! Idiots!
[08:29] Tatsumi
    Dammit. Those brats....
[08:33] Tatsumi (M)
    The arsonist's fires have all been set at trash pickup sites in Kabukicho.
[08:39] Tatsumi (M)
    Instead of running about aimlessly,
[08:40] Tatsumi (M)
    I'd have better luck catching the culprit by waiting patiently in one location.
[08:44] Gintoki
    Don't blame me when you vanish like a soap bubble being blown around by the wind.
[08:49] Tatsumi
    Damn... I'm not getting blown around... because I want to.
[09:02] Voice A
    Poor kid... Lost both parents, I hear.
[09:06] Voice B
    I wonder how she's going to make it at her age.
[09:09] Voice A
    If you're so worried, why don't you take her in?
[09:12] Voice B
    Don't be silly. We haven't got the money to afford that.
[09:25] Chief
    Hey...
[09:27] Chief
    You there, we went through the trouble to save your life.
[09:31] Chief
    At least look happy, you dummy.
[09:35] Chief
    If you can't do that, then at least lash out at me.
[09:40] Chief
    Lash out and say, "It's your fault my mom and dad are dead!"
[09:45] Tatsumi
    Bastard.
[09:47] Tatsumi
    Why'd you have to save me?
[09:50] Tatsumi
    You should've let me die with my parents.
[09:57] Chief
    Fool!
[09:59] Chief
    Don't you ever say that again.
[10:02] Firefighter A
    What? You're going to take in that brat?
[10:05] Firefighter A
    What're you thinking, Chief?!
[10:07] Firefighter B
    You gonna take in every child who's orphaned by fire, now?!
[10:10] Firefighter A
    There'll be no end to it!
[10:12] Chief
    Shut up! Leave me alone, idiot!
[10:15] ---
    Don't tell me that!
[10:19] Chief
    Brat. From this day on, the ME team is your home.
[10:24] Chief
    We firefighters are like a big family, so adding one little brat isn't a big deal.
[10:31] Chief
    But remember, even if one brat disappears, there's someone here who'll be sad about it.
[10:50] Tatsumi
    Dang! I fell asleep!
[10:53] Gintoki
    All quiet on the western front.
[10:56] Gintoki
    Yo... Sweet dreams, Sis?
[10:58] Tatsumi
    You...Why?!
[11:01] Tatsumi
    Ow ow ow ow...
[11:02] Gintoki
    The arsonist has caused me trouble, too.
[11:06] Gintoki
    I can't clear out my JUMP, you see.
[11:10] Gintoki
    And besides...
[11:13] Gintoki
    I wanted to see how high a soap bubble riding on the wind could fly.
[11:18] Tatsumi
    You mean...
[11:29] Gintoki
    No question about it. That's the arsonist...
[11:31] Tatsumi
    What makes you say that?
[11:33] Gintoki
    A guy who lives an honest life wouldn't be sneaking around like that.
[11:37] Tatsumi
    You're sneaking around!
[11:40] Gintoki
    It's not enough that he's sneaking around; he's got shifty eyes, too!
[11:43] ---
    Scary! I'm scared!
[11:44] Tatsumi
    Shut up!
[11:45] Tatsumi
    Huh? Wait a minute...
[11:48] Tatsumi
    I know that emblem...!
[12:06] Gintoki
    Hey, isn't that the bald guy from your place?
[12:09] Tatsumi
    Chief... What's he doing here?
[12:13] Chief
    Enough of this "Nancy Drew" crap.
[12:17] Chief
    Don't you ever do anything foolish like trying to catch the arsonist, idiot.
[12:21] Tatsumi
    It can't be...!
[12:23] Tatsumi (M)
    Chief wouldn't...!
[12:26] Chief
    Maybe I shouldn't throw them away, after all. I do like this one a lot.
[12:30] Gintoki
    Looks like he came to throw away his porno mags.
[12:32] Chief
    Ack...! Tatsumi!
[12:34] Chief
    What the hell are you doing here?!
[12:36] Tatsumi
    What about you? You came all this way to throw away your filthy magazines?!
[12:40] Chief
    You've got it all wrong! I came to throw away my JUMP!
[12:44] Tatsumi
    Don't lie to me! That's a lame excuse!
[12:46] Gintoki
    Tell me about it. I hope I don't turn out like this creepy old guy.
[12:49] Tatsumi
    Hey! You're already on your way. You're already soaked hip-deep.
[12:52] Gintoki
    I've got a lot of adolescent kids at home, so I can't bring these back with me.
[12:56] Chief
    Idiot! Teenagers need this stuff more than anyone!
[13:00] Tatsumi
    Society doesn't need people like you jerks!!
[13:02] Chief
    More importantly, what are you doing here?
[13:05] Chief
    Not poking your nose where it doesn't belong again...
[13:07] Tatsumi
    I'm not gonna quit... No matter what some porno reading geezer tells me!
[13:11] Chief
    Quit, dammit! Don't you realize nobody wants a little girl like you involved in this?
[13:16] Tatsumi
    Stop calling me a little girl.
[13:18] ---
    I grew up watching you firefighters. I can help.
[13:22] Chief
    Whatever it was you grew up watching, I don't recall raising you to be a firefighter.
[13:29] Chief
    Fire can turn even the most precious things into ashes in an instant.
[13:33] Chief
    You know better than anyone...
[13:34] Chief
    how frightening it is...
[13:39] Chief
    Firefighters don't just battle the flames.
[13:42] Chief
    The weight of all those burned up ashes pile up inside them.
[13:46] Chief
    All the fellow firefighters who've died; the people they couldn't save.
[14:01] Chief
    I'm filled with ashes.
[14:06] Chief
    Do you think you can carry a load like that on your frail shoulders?!
[14:12] Tatsumi
    You're not still upset about my father and mother dying, are you?
[14:16] Chief
    It's like I killed your father and mother, myself. If you got killed because of me, I...
[14:23] Tatsumi
    What're you talking about, baldy?!
[14:24] ---
    Dad and Mom died because of the fire! It's not your fault!
[14:27] ---
    And more importantly, you saved my life!
[14:31] Tatsumi
    You raised me into what I am!
[14:33] Tatsumi
    What's wrong with paying back my debt of gratitude?!
[14:36] Tatsumi
    What's wrong with wanting to help?!
[14:41] Chief
    I didn't raise you out of love or anything like that.
[14:44] Chief
    I was paying back my debt. For my crime of leaving your parents to die!
[14:56] Chief
    There's no reason to become a firefighter anymore, right?
[14:59] Chief
    Now, go find yourself a boyfriend somewhere and live like a normal girl.
[15:04] Arsonist
    You there...
[15:07] Rrr
    Today is combustible trash day. Why are porno books being thrown out?
[15:12] Gintoki
    It's obvious. Because after you read them, you get "hot."
[15:15] Gintoki
    Huh?
[15:20] Arsonist
    You have a good understanding...
[15:22] ---
    They talk about segregating the trash...
[15:24] ---
    But all trash burns once you set fire to it.
[15:31] Arsonist
    Who needs stupid rules.
[15:35] Arsonist
    We should just burn all trash.
[15:39] Gintoki
    Hey wait, you!
[15:41] Chief
    He must be the arsonist.
[15:43] Tatsumi
    Out of my way!
[15:48] Gintoki
    Stop!
[15:52] Tatsumi
    Yikes! The fire is spreading!
[15:54] Tatsumi
    Somebody! Fire!
[15:55] Tatsumi
    Run! Fire!
[15:58] Tatsumi
    Old man, can you hear me?! There's a fire!
[16:01] Old Man
    Huh? Throw the castella cake hard against the wall? Okay, gotcha.
[16:06] Tatsumi
    You don't understand at all! Are you wearing ear plugs?
[16:10] Old Man
    That's right.
[16:10] Old Man
    If I had to say which, I prefer a love where I do the chasing rather than being chased.
[16:14] Old Man
    I want to chase! Say, that starred Yoko Minamino, didn't it?
SIGN    [Note: Refers to "Oikaketai no!" Fuji-TV show of the late 1980s.]
[16:17] Tatsumi
    I don't know what you're talking about!
[16:19] Tatsumi
    Your house is on fire! Can't you see the smoke?!
[16:22] Tatsumi
    Hurry and run away, you stupid old fart!!
[16:23] Old Man
    Who're you calling an old fart?! You wanna die?!
[16:25] Tatsumi
    Why can you only hear the bad things?!
[16:29] Tatsumi
    Oh no! It ignited the gas pipe.
[16:31] ---
    This is getting me nowhere.
[16:35] Chief
    Wait, Tatsumi!
[16:37] Chief
    I'll drag the old guy out. You call the ME team!!
[16:41] Tatsumi
    Shut up! You don't give me orders! Go spread your baldness elsewhere!
[16:45] Chief
    No way! Even if I were bald, my hair wouldn't scatter!
[16:48] Chief
    It's a very neat bald!
[16:55] Chief
    This is dangerous. The fire's raging out of control!
[16:58] Tatsumi
    What's wrong with this...?
[17:02] Tatsumi
    Old man! What're you waiting for?! I said the place is on fire!
[17:05] Old Man
    I'm not going to an old folks home!
[17:07] ---
    I'm going to be a burden to you until the day I die! Serves you right!
[17:11] Tatsumi
    What're you, high?!
[17:12] Tatsumi
    Dammit! It's like preaching to a horse!
[17:15] Old Man
    Who're you calling a deer?!
[17:17] Tatsumi
    You're no deer! You're a fool!
SIGN    [Note: A play on "baka", the Japanese word for fool. The direct interpretation of the kanji for baka is someone who can't tell a horse from a deer.]
[17:21] Chief
    You fool! You're still...?
[17:37] Firefighter A
    Don't let the fire spread any further!
[17:39] Firefighter B
    Quick! Bring the water!
[17:41] Firefighter A
    Hurry!
[17:42] Firefighter B
    Hey! Where'd the Chief go?
[17:47] Tatsumi
    Damn! It won't budge! Why did you protect me? You should've left me!
[17:53] Chief
    Never mind me. Grab the old man and evacuate. Tatsumi...
[17:56] Tatsumi
    Don't give me that crap!
[17:58] Chief
    Tatsumi, if you call yourself a firefighter, you know what your priority is, don't you?
[18:04] Chief
    If you hesitate, you won't be able to save those who need to be saved.
[18:08] Chief
    Firefighters are...
[18:11] Chief
    You don't understand that!
[18:13] Tatsumi
    Shut up! It's true that I tried becoming a firefighter because I lived with you.
[18:18] Tatsumi
    I wanted to repay my debt of gratitude. But, that's not all...
[18:36] Tatsumi (M)
    Just like how you rescued me that day...
[18:40] Tatsumi (M)
    I want to rescue someone!
[18:43] Tatsumi
    That's why regardless of what you say, I'll do whatever I want.
[18:47] Chief
    You're a stupid...woman... I want you... I want you to live...
[18:55] Chief
    That's right. As I told you, I took you in at first because I wanted to repay my debt.
[19:01] Chief
    But somewhere along the way...
[19:05] Chief
    It wasn't about making amends anymore. I just enjoyed watching you grow up.
[19:10] Chief (M)
    After seeing people die before my eyes so many times,
[19:13] Chief (M)
    I had become an unstable soap bubble.
[19:15] ---
    I felt as though I would be blown away by the wind and burst at any moment.
[19:22] Chief (M)
    But, because you were here, I managed to stay afloat instead of bursting.
[19:28] ---
    Because you smiled, I was able to rush to the fires...
[19:50] Chief
    Before you came along, I carried only ashes.
[19:54] Chief
    But you taught me what it means to carry the responsibility of a family.
[19:58] Chief
    I can't allow you to get burdened with our way of life! That's why...
[20:02] Chief
    You have to get away, Tatsumi! I don't want to carry my daughter's ashes too!
[20:09] Tatsumi
    You're such a stupid old man...
[20:11] Chief
    What?
[20:13] Tatsumi
    I don't want to carry my parent's ashes either! Stupid.
[20:18] Tatsumi
    So wait here...
[20:20] ---
    I'll be right back, Dad...
[20:33] Chief (M)
    Life is like a soap bubble...
[20:38] Chief (M)
    Riding on the wind, tossed back and forth...
[20:41] ---
    Before you realize it, it's gone...
[20:44] ---
    In the instant it's about to disappear, you think it could fly higher into the sky,
[20:50] Chief (M)
    but by that time, it's always too late.
[20:53] Chief (M)
    Forgive me, Tatsumi... But don't you think someone like me flew high enough?
[20:59] Firefighter A
    Wait! Who're you?!
[21:01] Firefighter B
    What're you doing? It's too dangerous! Too dangerous!
[21:09] Gintoki
    Yo. Glad you're okay.
[21:12] Gintoki
    You haven't burst yet, soap bubble.
[21:15] Gintoki
    Well, at your age, you probably can't fly very far anyway, but...
[21:20] Gintoki
    She can fly! If you keep blowing behind her...
[21:25] Gintoki
    Actually, you know that better than anyone, don't you?
[21:28] Gintoki
    You've watched her longer than anyone...
[21:33] Gintoki
    The only thing I can do for you is...
[21:53] Chief
    Who're you?
[21:59] Gintoki (M)
    This is me, too...
[22:03] Gintoki (M)
    A soap bubble that wants to fly higher than anyone.
[22:09] Shinpachi
    Gin-san!
[22:10] Shinpachi
    Clean this place up! It looks like we're living in a dumpster!
[22:14] Gintoki
    Yeah, since I can't figure out how to separate the trash,
SIGN    [Note: This is a reference to the Japanese TV drama, "Injured Angel."]
[22:18] Gintoki
    I've decided to live carelessly, like a fallen angel.
[22:21] Shinpachi
    What part of you is a fallen angel?!
[22:24] Shinpachi
    Look at this stack of newspapers!
[22:26] Shinpachi
    Good grief!
[22:27] Gintoki
    Hey, don't touch my stuff. Leave it there.
[22:30] Shinpachi
    Are you hiding porno or something?
[22:32] Kagura
    Shinpachi, leave him alone. Gin-chan's going through an awkward stage.
[22:36] Kagura
    Men are like soap bubbles.
SIGN    ["The Town Beauty Fireman!
    Tatsumi of ME Team."]
[22:38] Gintoki
    I don't want to hear that from you!
SIGN    
SIGN    Mother? Of whom?
[24:19] ---
    Why're you acting like our mother?
[24:21] ---
    You're bothering me with your "Chew your food 20 times before swallowing"!
SIGN    The next episode... "Mothers Everywhere Are All the Same."
SIGN    [A mother suddenly shows up at the Odd Jobs. She's searching for her lost son.]
SIGN    [She hires them and the investigation begins! It's been a long time since they've done any real work.]