E157 - Any Place Can Become a Battlefield When Men Gather

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Song
    Feeling all beat by 6 PM.
SIGN    [The Takao-san Hour Smile! Is that Good?]
[00:02] Song
    Virgins tend to be timid.
[00:05] Song
    Getting all bitchy by 6 PM.
SIGN    [The "Good?" Middle Aged Corps: Mako Mansion Ken]
[00:08] Song
    Still gonna be a virgin tomorrow.
[00:13] Song
    Kore wa pen desu.
[00:15] Song
    This is a pen.
[00:18] Song
    No shit, Sherlock!
[00:23] Song
    Yosan wo agete.
[00:25] Song
    Give me money!
[00:28] Song
    We're the only ones using 4:3 in this day and age.
[00:33] Song
    After all these years, the costs haven't changed!
[00:36] Song
    Apologizing when you don't even mean it.
[00:41] Song
    Going "give me chocolate" when a jeep shows up.
[00:43] Song
    Laugh away! Bitchin' sparking! Yay!
[00:46] Song
    There's always the next life.
[00:49] Song
    So it's all good!
[00:51] Song
    Coming straight up!
[00:54] Song
    Tomoro Taguchi!
[00:56] Song
    It's all good. It's all good.
[00:59] Song
    Tomoro Taguchi!
[01:06] Tomoro
    We'll take a commercial break now.
SIGN    ["Shocked by the Phone"]
[01:17] Tomoro
    Good evening.
[01:18] All
    Good evening!
[01:20] Tomoro
    It sure was warm today.
[01:22] All
    Sure was!
[01:23] Tomoro
    Did it rain by any chance?
[01:26] All
    Sure did!
[01:27] Tomoro
    Mention both and I've covered all the bases.
[01:29] All
    Sure have!
[01:31] Tomoro
    Since we dubbed this in April.
[01:34] All
    Sure did!
[01:36] Tomoro
    We have Ketsuno here.
[01:37] Tomoro
    It's a pleasure.
[01:39] Ketsuno
    The pleasure is all mine.
[01:42] Tomoro
    Well then...
[01:42] Tomoro
    So yesterday, we introduced Shunnosuke Oguri-kun.
[01:45] Tomoro
    He hasn't made an appearance since a scene in episode 150.
[01:50] Tomoro
    Here's the red-hot super idol, Otsu Terakado-chan!
[01:53] Tomoro
    Come on down.
[02:02] Tsu
    Tamo-san, I've finally put out a CD.
[02:07] Tomoro
    Huh, you've never released one before.
[02:09] Tsu
    Yes.
[02:10] Tsu
    In the anime, they make it sound like I'm releasing single after single,
[02:14] Tsu
    but in real life, we get all kinds of complaints after I perform.
[02:17] Tsu
    The lyrics consist of censored words to begin with...
[02:21] Tsu
    The big honchos like Ani**** are always bending over for others.
[02:25] Tsu
    The staff keeps handing off the job of deciding how to release the CD.
[02:29] Tomoro
    Let's move on.
[02:31] Tomoro
    Well, you've finally released a CD,
[02:33] Tomoro
    so let's drop the risky talk.
[02:37] Tomoro
    So let's introduce your friend...
[02:39] Tsu
    What?!
[02:40] Tsu
    Isn't it a little early?
[02:42] Tsu
    We haven't even done the hundred person survey yet.
[02:43] Tomoro
    We sang during the opening for the first time in a while,
[02:45] Tomoro
    so we're out of time.
[02:48] All
    Sure are!
[02:49] Tsu
    What the hell?!
[02:50] Tsu
    You're okay with that?!
[02:52] Tsu
    Isn't that the wrong time to agree?!
[02:53] All
    Sure is!
[02:59] Tsu
    Don't give me that shit!
[03:02] All
    Sure thing.
[06:38] Tsu
    Everybody, thank you so poop for coming to my concert today!
[06:50] Tsu
    Though it pains me, this will be the last song.
[06:56] Tsu
    Of course, I'll be singing "Your Mom's a BLEEP"!
[07:10] Song
    Your mole looks a little off-color.
[07:19] Audience
    Ne-Ne-Ne-Ne-Necromancer!
[07:26] Staff
    Thank you very much!
[07:28] Staff
    Please be careful on your way home!
[07:32] Takachin
    Wasn't that crazy, Shin-chan?
[07:34] Takachin
    Otsu-chan's concerts are the best.
[07:38] Takachin
    Nothing can replace the sense of unity in a concert hall.
[07:42] Sergeant
    If I had to find something wrong,
[07:44] Sergeant
    it'd be their use of an acoustic version of the classic,
[07:46] Sergeant
    "Your Grandpa Stands Too Much When He's Pedaling."
[07:49] Sergeant
    The arrangement wasn't bad, but personally, I'd have preferred the original.
[07:52] Member
    And for the classic, "Your Granny's Wearing Your Basketball Shoes,"
[07:55] Member
    they turned the mic to the audience so we couldn't hear Otsu-chan singing.
[07:59] Member
    Even if they wanted the audience to feel like part of the performance,
[08:02] Member
    it was rather unfortunate.
[08:04] Taka
    Hey, cut the griping, people!
[08:07] Taka
    Concerts and CDs are good in different ways!
[08:10] Taka
    Either way, Otsu-chan rules!
[08:14] Taka
    Right, Shin-chan?
[08:16] Taka
    Shin-chan?
[08:17] Sergeant
    Chief, what's wrong?
[08:19] Sergeant
    You seem a little down today.
[08:21] ---
    Considering it was an Otsu-chan concert... Is something wrong?
[08:25] Shin
    You're right.
[08:26] Shin
    Today was an Otsu-chan concert.
[08:29] Shin
    The most important day for us members of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club.
[08:32] Shin
    A special day that cannot be replaced.
[08:36] Shin
    And yet...
[08:37] Shin
    Why are there only four of us here?!
[08:41] Shin
    Sarge!
[08:41] Shin
    State the 82nd clause of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club creed!
[08:45] Sergeant
    Y-You must go to an Otsu-chan concert, even if it's the day of your parents' funeral!
[08:50] Sergeant
    Open parentheses. Sis is the exception. Closed Parentheses.
[08:53] Shin
    That's right!
[08:54] Shin
    Yet look at this showing!
[08:56] Shin
    What happened to the other members?!
[08:57] Shin
    Did you contact everybody?!
[09:00] Sarge
    Y-You've got it wrong, chief!
[09:01] Sarge
    Th-This is...
[09:03] Sarge
    C-Crap...
[09:04] Taka
    Y-You idiot, Sarge!
[09:05] Taka
    N-No, it's not what you think, Shin-chan.
[09:09] Taka
    Th-This is, uh...
[09:10] Shin
    They quit?
[09:14] Shin
    Don't tell me...
[09:17] Shin
    those guys...
[09:18] Shin
    quit...
[09:21] Shin
    the fan club...
[09:23] Shin
    without asking me?!
[09:27] Shin
    Don't give me that shit!
[09:28] Shin
    I'll kill them all!
[09:30] Taka
    Shin-chan!
[09:31] Shin
    Which idol was it?!
[09:32] Shin
    Which rotten idol did they switch to?!
[09:34] Shin
    Did they forget the 14th clause of our creed:
    "Ignore any idol who isn't Otsu-chan"?!
[09:40] Taka
    Shin-chan!
[09:41] Taka
    C-Calm down, Shin-chan!
[09:43] Shin
    I won't calm down!
[09:44] Shin
    I'll barge into every single one of their homes
[09:45] Shin
    and make them do push-ups while reciting the club creed!
[09:47] Taka
    Y-You've got it wrong, Shin-chan.
[09:49] Taka
    They didn't quit being Otsu-chan's fans by choice!
[09:52] Shin
    Then why aren't they here?!
[09:53] Shin
    What the hell happened?!
[09:55] Taka
    About that!
[09:57] Furuta
    Just let it go, Mr. Shimura.
[10:01] Kawashita
    We could never tell you.
[10:03] Fujiyama
    We didn't leave because of Otsu-chan.
[10:06] Furuta
    Mr. Shimura, we could never say that we couldn't stand your methods...
[10:11] Shin
    Wh-What's with all of you?!
[10:13] Shin
    You're creeping me out!
[10:14] Taka
    Furuta! Kawashita! Fujiyama!
[10:16] Taka
    You're all...
[10:17] Taka
    You're all people who quit!
[10:20] Taka
    What are you doing here?!
[10:21] Taka
    Don't you feel ashamed to show your face here?!
[10:24] Hijikata
    You should be the ones to feel ashamed.
[10:27] Hijikata
    Fan Clubs of hard-line idols are relics of the past
[10:31] Hijikata
    from the age of Chinko Matsuda and Bakina Nakamori.
[10:37] Hijikata
    Your methods are old-fashioned.
[10:40] Hijikata
    Nobody will follow you.
[10:42] Hijikata
    The Tsu Terakado Fan Club has fallen.
[10:47] Hijikata
    From now on, yes...
[10:49] Hijikata
    I, I shall lead the new wave...
[10:52] Hijikata
    The Tsusengumi!
[10:56] Shin
    Y-You're...
[10:58] Shin
    T-Toshi!
SIGN    ["Any Place with a Bunch of Men Gathered Around Will Turn into a Battlefield"]
[11:15] N
    Our story is set during the Warring Tsu Terakado Fan Clubs Period.
[11:19] N
    Tsu Terakado had overcome scandal and achieved the position of top idol.
[11:25] N
    Countless numbers of fan clubs engaged in a furious battle for dominance.
[11:33] N
    Men fell in battle as they strived for supreme hegemony, the title of official fan club.
[11:42] N
    On this corpse-riddled battlefield was a group of men considered the strongest.
[11:50] N
    The Tsu Terakado Fan Club.
[11:53] N
    The strongest otaku led by their brave general, Shinpachi Shimura!
[12:00] N
    Veterans among veterans who had supported Tsu Terakado back when she sang on the street.
[12:05] N
    Bound by an ironclad creed numbering 99 clauses,
[12:09] N
    they had frighteningly high morale and did not know defeat in battle.
[12:13] N
    They dominated every other faction in performance quality, energy, obnoxiousness and lack of women.
[12:24] N
    Their long history placed them nearest to the title of official,
[12:28] N
    so they were under constant attack from other factions.
[12:31] N
    But the elite forces trained by the brave general Shimura were difficult to defeat,
[12:36] N
    and the piles of their challengers' corpses grew taller.
[12:41] N
    It was difficult situation to change.
[12:44] N
    As many soldiers began laying down their weapons,
[12:48] N
    a man appeared.
[12:53] N
    The brilliant general, Toshi!
[12:56] N
    He appeared on the battlefield like a shooting star
[12:59] N
    and cleverly manipulated the deserters into his own faction named the Tsusengumi.
[13:05] N
    Unlike the others who could only revolt and fight,
[13:09] N
    he didn't fight.
[13:12] N
    He understood the workings of the heart of an otaku
[13:14] N
    and enticed one after another to join from different factions.
[13:17] N
    In no time, he had the largest force of all.
[13:21] N
    The Tsusengumi he created, which covered everything from
[13:24] N
    anime, manga, games, and other 2D media to 3D media,
[13:29] N
    was not beholden to Otsu.
[13:31] N
    A group of chosen otaku who used all kinds of media.
[13:34] N
    You could call it a Universal Media Club.
[13:38] N
    His methods, considered to be soft-line,
[13:41] N
    were refreshing to the hard-line, old-fashioned otaku who only followed Otsu.
[13:49] N
    An otaku creed began to spread.
[13:52] N
    It didn't take long for him to be considered a charismatic otaku.
[13:57] N
    And it goes without saying that the members of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club
[14:01] N
    who were forced by ironclad principles to suppress their desires were the first to fall.
[14:07] N
    They could no longer hear the voice of the brave general Shimura, who once inspired fear in all.
[14:13] N
    Once on the verge of conquering the world,
[14:16] N
    the Tsu Terakado Fan Club was now on the verge of ruin.
[14:18] N
    The arrival of a new star led to the curtain falling on this long period of war.
[14:31] Gin
    Yeah, this week's GinTama was short...
[14:33] Shin
    Why are you ending it already?!
[14:35] Shin
    It's not over!
[14:37] Shin
    The manga and fan club aren't over!
[14:39] Shin
    How is that okay?!
[14:41] Shin
    It's obviously not okay!
[14:43] Shin
    And next week's is a totally unrelated story!
[14:46] Shin
    This is just your personal wish!
[14:48] Gin
    That's enough, yeah?
[14:51] Gin
    We can end it.
[14:52] Gin
    The narration was pretty intense.
[14:55] Shin
    It can't be over!
[14:56] Shin
    Only half the episode's been used up!
[14:58] Shin
    How could it end at such a horrible juncture?!
[15:00] Gin
    Just forget it.
[15:02] Gin
    We'd just have to listen to your eternal bitching.
[15:06] Gin
    It's a pain. Don't wanna hear it.
[15:08] Gin
    Let it end. I'm begging you.
[15:11] Kagura
    Who cares about idols and whatever?
[15:13] Kagura
    Go do it by yourself.
[15:15] Kagura
    It's a waste of time, you piece of trash.
[15:17] Shin
    You don't have to put it that way!
[15:19] Shin
    I'm gonna cry!
[15:20] Shin
    You should know how much effort I've put into this fan club!
[15:26] Shin
    How much I love Otsu-chan!
[15:30] Shin
    And now, the fan club is on the verge of disbanding!
[15:33] Shin
    After cheering and supporting Otsu-chan this whole time...
[15:36] Shin
    Before anyone else did!
[15:38] Shin
    And then some random guy shows up and steals my members and status!
[15:43] Shin
    They're trying to steal my dream of becoming Otsu-chan's official fan club!
[15:48] Shin
    Unbelievable...
[15:50] Shin
    I didn't think that man would still be alive...
[15:53] Shin
    I thought he'd been destroyed by now...
[15:57] Shin
    The curse has yet to be broken...
[15:59] Shin
    That man still lived inside of Hijikata-san...
[16:03] Shin
    And he's a suped-up otaku now!
[16:09] Shin
    How can some half-assed idol otaku like us compete with that charismatic otaku?
[16:14] Shin
    Do we even stand a chance?!
[16:16] Taka
    Shin-chan!
[16:17] Taka
    You can't give up!
[16:19] Taka
    The fight isn't over yet!
[16:20] Taka
    The Tsu Terakado Fan Club hasn't died yet!
[16:23] Taka
    You still have a member!
[16:25] Taka
    Right here!
[16:27] Shin
    Takachin...
[16:28] Taka
    There should still be fan clubs that haven't been absorbed by him!
[16:31] Taka
    Let's join up with them to fight against him!
[16:34] Taka
    We'll show that guy! And the people who betrayed us!
[16:39] Taka
    Our fight has just begun!
[16:43] Gin
    As long as evil exists, their battle will continue.
[16:46] Gin
    Forever.
[16:49] Gin
    And GinTama just ended...
[16:51] Shin
    Don't end the series!
[16:53] Shin
    Why are you trying to turn this into an incomplete manga?!
[16:55] Shin
    It's true that these endings happen!
[16:57] Shin
    That most endings are this way!
[16:58] Shin
    But are you that desperate to not hear our story?!
[17:01] Shin
    You're going to end the series so you don't have to hear it?!
[17:04] Gin
    I don't really understand official fan clubs or the like.
[17:07] Gin
    What are you people trying to do?
[17:09] Gin
    What? Official?
[17:10] Gin
    So you win the war and become official.
[17:12] Gin
    Then what do you have?
[17:15] Gin
    Do you get to go out with Otsu-chan?
[17:17] Gin
    Do you get to kiss Otsu-chan?
[17:18] Gin
    Do you get to **** or XXXX or !@##%%?
[17:23] Gin
    You don't.
[17:25] Gin
    Official gets you a couple of biscuits and that's that.
[17:29] Shin
    Hell no! Why biscuits?!
[17:31] Gin
    Then I'll give you some biscuits.
[17:33] Gin
    Good enough?
[17:34] Gin
    Scram, moron. Official moron.
[17:36] Shin
    Shut up, moron!
[17:37] Shin
    Biscuit moron!
[17:38] Shin
    Official biscuit moron!
[17:39] Taka
    Hey, he has no intention of listening to us.
[17:41] Taka
    He isn't treating us like fellow humans.
[17:44] Shin
    Gin-san, it's a great honor to be acknowledged as the official fan club.
[17:51] Shin
    So far, we've been supporting Otsu-chan one-sidedly,
[17:56] Shin
    but if we become official,
[17:57] Shin
    that means that Otsu-chan is asking us to cheer for her!
[18:00] Shin
    She'll be depending on us!
[18:02] Gin
    Not much difference.
[18:04] Shin
    There is!
[18:05] Shin
    Our motivation will get a huge boost!
[18:08] Shin
    Basically, becoming official is like becoming the palace army led by the Shogun!
[18:13] Shin
    Which means that those who aren't chosen are considered rebels!
[18:17] Shin
    Could there be a greater dishonor?!
[18:19] Shin
    It's such an aggravating thing to happen after cheering for so long!
[18:23] Kagura
    Then you can just join that group.
[18:26] Kagura
    Then you can all be members of the official fan club.
[18:29] Taka
    We can't join a group with those people!
[18:31] Taka
    They're a bunch of traitors and seditionists who encouraged the traitors!
[18:37] Shin
    That's right!
[18:38] Shin
    Besides, they're following all kinds of idols besides Otsu-chan!
[18:42] Shin
    We're the ones who truly love Otsu-chan!
[18:45] Shin
    We're more fit to be official!
[18:48] Shin
    I don't need a member number below those freaks!
[18:53] Gin
    Don't be so anal.
[18:55] Gin
    It's all the same shit, yeah?
[18:57] Gin
    So just get along.
[18:59] Gin
    There isn't any difference between member #1 and member #100.
[19:01] Gin
    As far as an idol's concerned, fan club members are like smegma.
[19:06] Gin
    There isn't any difference between Smegma A and Smegma Z, yeah?
[19:09] Gin
    'Cause you're still smegma.
[19:10] Gin
    If you understand, go make up and drink a liter of soy sauce.
[19:14] Gin
    And die, you morons.
[19:15] Shin
    Gin-san!
[19:17] Hijikata
    You're going to voluntarily surrender to my troops?
[19:22] Hijikata
    I don't particularly mind,
[19:24] Hijikata
    but I recommend that you calm down and reevaluate the situation.
[19:29] Hijikata
    I may have won the battle of size,
[19:32] Hijikata
    but it appears that the title of official isn't something that can simply be won by numbers.
[19:38] Shin
    Y-You bastard...
[19:39] Shin
    How dare you show your face here?!
[19:41] Gin
    Uh, could you not walk into someone else's house without permission?
[19:44] Hijikata
    Mr. Sakata,
[19:45] Hijikata
    I recommend you turn on the TV.
[19:48] Gin
    What's with this guy?
[19:49] Gin
    He walks into somebody else's house without permission and makes recommendations all over the place.
[19:55] A
    The interview has just begun.
[19:57] A
    We'll go to reporter, Shoji-san.
[19:58] Shoji
    Yes, this is reporter, Shoji.
[20:01] Shoji
    The interview has just begun.
[20:03] Tsu
    Yes...
[20:04] Tsu
    I love all the people who listen to my songs.
[20:09] Tsu
    I consider them all irreplaceable.
[20:13] Tsu
    Which is why...
[20:16] Tsu
    I didn't want to assign ranks to my precious fans...
[20:19] Tsu
    I really didn't want that...
[20:23] Tsu
    That's why I tried to avoid having to make such decisions.
[20:28] Tsu
    But I heard that my fans were getting into big fights as a result.
[20:33] Tsu
    So I wasn't sure what I should do.
[20:36] Tsu
    That was when this program came to me and asked if I would make a decision.
[20:45] Tsu
    I'm going to make a Tsu Terakado official fan club! Strong as a diamond!
[20:51] N
    Next time on TV Mix-and-match,
[20:53] N
    The pianist battle to decide Tsu Terakado's official fan club!
[20:59] N
    Measure of knowledge!
[21:00] N
    Measure of stamina!
[21:01] N
    Measure of willpower!
[21:02] N
    Measure of effort!
[21:03] N
    Measure of finances!
[21:05] N
    Measure of Takeuchi!
[21:06] N
    Measure of influence!
[21:07] N
    Measure of super powers!
[21:09] N
    Shout out with everything that might make you popular!
[21:12] N
    Scream your love for Otsu-chan!
[21:16] N
    The long battle between the men
[21:20] N
    will finally be brought to a conclusion!
[21:26] N
    The pianist battle to decide Tsu Terakado's official fan club.
[21:30] N
    Our program is seeking applicants.
[21:33] N
    Each team will be allowed to submit four members.
[21:36] N
    Please list your team name, your members' names...
[21:37] Taka
    Shin-chan...?
[21:38] Taka
    Th-This is...
[21:41] Taka
    This is it!
[21:42] Tsu
    Everybody! I'll be waiting on the stage, elephant poop is big!
[21:47] N
    The winners will receive certificates proving them as official fan club members as well as a monetary reward.
[21:47] Gin
    Four members...
[21:52] Tsu
    Please send in your applications!
[22:04] N
    Our story is set during the Warring Tsu Terakado Fan Clubs Period.
[22:07] N
    Two tigers managed to survive the furious battle.
[22:13] N
    The Tsu Terakado Fan Club and the Tsusengumi.
[22:15] N
    Which will earn the right to be official?!
[22:19] N
    The final battle of the otaku is about to begin!
[22:24] N
    Beasts howl in the wilds!
[22:28] Shin
    Uh, Gin-san, you're really annoying.
[22:30] Shin
    Did you get hooked on the narrating thing?
SIGN    [To be continued...]
SIGN    
[24:05] Taka
    I-If we participate and win, we can still become official!
[24:12] Taka
    So we still have a chance!
[24:16] Shin
    The next episode...
[24:16] Shin
    "If a Friend Gets Injured, Take Him to the Hospital, Stat!"
SIGN    [The battle for the official Tsu Terakado Fan Club finally begins next week!!]
SIGN    [5000 people enter! Will Shinpachi's fan club make the cut?!]
SIGN    [See you next time.]