E252 - We're Sorry

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[00:01] Kagura
    Man, the year's already over, huh?
[00:04] Gin
    That was fast.
[00:05] Gin
    Really sucks, doesn't it?
[00:07] Gin
    The years pass faster as we get older.
[00:12] Gin
    At this rate, will the years
    be passing at Formula 1 speeds
[00:17] ---
    when I'm an old geezer?
[00:19] Kagura
    I've still got a long ways to go.
[00:23] Gin
    Well, I'm already up to Ben
    Johnson speed, I'd say.
[00:29] Gin
    Cause my johnson can't keep up.
[00:32] Gin
    Don't get too cocky because
    you're all still young.
[00:34] Gin
    Your johnson will fall
    behind soon enough.
[00:36] Kagura
    For real?
[00:37] Kagura
    Johnson?
[00:39] Kagura
    I prefer Lewis over Johnson.
[00:41] Kagura
    He's cooler.
[00:42] Gin
    Whatever.
[00:44] Gin
    Didn't we have a good time this year?
[00:50] Shin
    Hell no!
[00:52] Shin
    This is the worst time to be reusing
    this segment for the fifth time!
[00:58] Gin
    You have a point.
[02:41] Gin
    Good evening.
[02:42] Gin
    I'm Gintoki Sakata.
[02:44] Shin
    I'm Shinpachi Shimura.
[02:47] Kagura
    I'm Kagura.
[02:49] Shin
    I'm sure some of you are already aware
[02:52] Shin
    that this will be the final
    episode of the Gintama anime.
[02:57] Kagura
    It's been six years since
    the show first began.
[03:00] Kagura
    After numerous accidents,
    complaints, fake endings,
[03:04] Kagura
    plenty of toilet humor, and censorship...
[03:06] Gin
    After surviving multiple
    fatal blunders, this show is
[03:10] ---
    finally coming to an end.
[03:12] Kagura
    So we did some brainstorming...
[03:15] Shin
    ...to decide how we should end this show!
[03:19] Gin
    Here is our answer!
SIGN    We're Sorry
[03:28] Shin
    So, like the episode title says,
[03:30] Shin
    we will be using this episode
[03:33] Shin
    as an opportunity to apologize
[03:37] Shin
    to everyone this show may have offended.
[03:40] Gin
    Such as Capcom, who laughed it off;
[03:43] Gin
    Mr. Miyazaki, who didn't even notice;
[03:45] Gin
    and ex-producer Azuma who
    moved onto a stress free role.
[03:48] Kagura
    There were also many other
    staff who were affected.
[03:52] Kagura
    Such as Sket Dance, which
    pulled some weird stuff
[03:55] Kagura
    and -san.
SIGN    We're sorry. Sob...
[03:57] Gin
    And most importantly, our viewers.
[03:59] All*
    We're very sorry!
[04:04] Gin
    Well, Shinpachi.
[04:06] Gin
    Time to commit seppuku.
[04:08] Gin
    You're dressed in white
    so you're ready to die.
[04:10] Shin
    Why only me?!
[04:11] Shin
    We're all dressed in white!
[04:13] Kagura
    What's wrong?
[04:14] Kagura
    It's time for you to take responsibility
[04:16] Kagura
    for turning the eighth
    episode of the second series
[04:18] Kagura
    into a weak recap episode!
[04:20] Shin
    How is that my fault?!
[04:22] Gin
    People want to see major characters
    die in the last episode.
[04:25] Gin
    It's standard practice.
[04:27] Gin
    You need to die to make
    this show legendary.
[04:29] Shin
    Are you telling me to
    throw my life away?!
[04:30] Shin
    And there wouldn't be
    any drama if I died now!
[04:32] ---
    I would die for nothing!
[04:33] Kagura
    Don't worry. If it doesn't work,
[04:34] ---
    we'll bring you back to life
    like those other shows did.
[04:37] Shin
    We just started apologizing and
    we're already offending more people!
[04:41] Kagura
    Oh, that's right.
[04:42] Kagura
    There's something we
    forgot to apologize for.
[04:44] Kagura
    Well, I'm sure everybody's
    figured it out,
[04:49] Kagura
    but we won't be showing the story
    that was in last week's preview.
[04:51] Kagura
    We wanted to, but there wasn't any time.
[04:54] Kagura
    I guess we got your hopes up for nothing.
[04:56] All
    We're sorry!
[04:59] Shin
    You did it on purpose!
[05:01] Both
    Shut up!
[05:03] Kagura
    Stupid!
[05:04] Kagura
    You actually thought the staff members
    could handle two long arcs in a row?!
[05:08] Kagura
    Don't overestimate them!
[05:08] Gin
    Yeah! And we already
    apologized last week!
[05:12] Shin
    When did you do that?!
[05:13] Gin
    Are you blind?
[05:15] Gin
    Look at his lips move.
SIGN    We're sorry.
[05:20] Shin
    Who would get that?!
[05:21] Shin
    That's just plain evil!
[05:23] Shin
    And you guys aren't even
    sincere about apologizing!
[05:25] ---
    That's not true.
[05:27] Okita
    Don't get too worked up.
[05:29] Okita
    We'll take over from here.
[05:32] Shin
    The Shinsengumi members!
[05:33] Okita
    If you need some apologizing
    done, we got Hijikata,
[05:37] ---
    the master of cleaning up messes.
[05:39] Toshi
    Hold on.
[05:40] Toshi
    Why do I have to clean up their mess?
[05:43] Toshi
    Hey, Yamazaki. Since
    you're dressed in white,
[05:45] Toshi
    you might as well disembowel yourself.
[05:46] Toshi
    Or else I'll kill you.
[05:47] Yama
    Huh?! Why me?!
[05:49] Yama
    And all I did this time around was
    say anpan over and over again!
[05:51] Yama
    I didn't do anything to offend anyone!
[05:53] Okita
    Hijikata-san, in that case, I also...
[05:57] Okita
    I'll jam it right up your .
[05:59] Okita*
    ...did nothing to offend anyone.
[06:02] Toshi
    That's bullshit! You've offended
    everyone under the sun!
[06:06] Kondo
    It's the last episode,
    so stop fighting, boys!
[06:09] Toshi
    Kondo-san...
[06:10] Kondo
    I'll apologize for the Shinsengumi.
[06:13] Kondo
    I'll lay myself bare and apologize
    for all the trouble we've caused.
[06:20] Kondo
    We're sorry.
[06:21] Toshi
    You're literally bare now!
[06:23] Toshi
    You were planning on doing
    this from the start!
[06:25] Gin
    Hey, gorilla.
[06:27] Gin
    Considering everything you've done,
    an ordinary apology won't cut it!
[06:31] Toshi
    What's ordinary about
    stripping buck naked?!
[06:33] Gin
    For the last episode, you have to
    reveal more than before and apologize!
[06:36] Kondo
    What's left to reveal?
[06:38] Gin
    Your ass hair.
[06:39] Kondo
    What?!
[06:40] Okita
    You're very perceptive, big guy.
[06:43] Gin
    Okay, let's shave it all off!
[06:45] Kondo
    S-Stop it!
[06:46] Okita
    And you need to humiliate
    yourself when you apologize.
[06:48] Okita
    Prostrating yourself isn't enough.
[06:49] Kondo
    You must be joking!
[06:50] Yama
    Chief, can I stick anpan here?
[06:54] Kondo
    And so, I would like to
    lay myself completely bare
[07:00] Kondo
    and apologize for everything
    we may have done.
[07:04] Kondo
    We're sorry!
[07:06] Gin
    One more time!
[07:07] Kondo
    We're sorry!
[07:09] Okita
    One more time.
[07:10] Kondo
    We're sorry!
[07:10] Gin
    One more time!
[07:11] Kondo
    We're sorry! We're sorry!
[07:12] Okita
    One more time.
[07:13] Toshi
    Cut it out!
[07:18] Toshi
    I'm really sorry about this!
SIGN    Apologize to the camera!!
[07:25] Sa
    I've been hiding here for six years
[07:27] Sa
    while watching Gin-san *** and !
[07:31] Sa*
    I'm sorry for being such
    a naughty girl, Bolshoi!
[07:34] Tsu
    I'm sorry for being a naughty girl
[07:36] Tsu
    who gets drunk in the middle of
    the day and embarrasses herself.
[07:39] Tsu
    Just kidding, stupid!
[07:43] Tsu
    I need booze to get me
    through this final episode!
[07:46] Tojo
    I'm sorry for being a naughty boy
    who needs kinky play to get it up!
[07:52] A
    Wait up!
[07:53] B
    Pay up!
[07:55] Madao
    I-I'm sorry!
SIGN    Gintama
    Confessional
[08:03] Hata
    Come in, sinful lambs. Make it quick.
[08:09] Hata
    You failed to properly apologize
    at the beginning of the show.
[08:13] Hata
    Now repent.
[08:15] Kagura
    I'll go first.
[08:16] Kagura
    Dear Lord, I'm supposed
    to be the cute heroine,
[08:21] Kagura
    but I'm always throwing up.
[08:26] Kagura
    I'm sorry...
[08:27] Shin
    She threw up before God!
[08:31] Kagura
    The memories made me throw up.
[08:32] Kagura
    Well, God can see everything inside me,
[08:35] Kagura
    so I spilled everything.
[08:36] Shin
    Uh, you're not supposed to
    actually spill your guts.
[08:38] Hata
    Are you done repenting?
[08:40] Hata
    It smells bad, so let's stop.
[08:43] Gin
    No, we haven't been throwing up for
    years without learning anything.
[08:48] Gin
    There is a way to counter barf.
[08:50] Hata
    Really? But it's the last episode.
[08:53] Gin
    Shut up!
[08:54] Gin
    Behold the results of our attempts
    to continuously improve!
[08:56] Gin
    Kagura, it's not your
    fault for throwing up.
[08:59] Gin
    It's a bodily process.
[09:01] Gin
    Like when you suddenly get hard in class.
[09:02] Gin
    So the key is what you
    do after you get hard.
[09:04] Kagura
    So after I throw up, I
    should use weird light
[09:07] ---
    to cover it up like those other shows do?
[09:09] Shin
    Uh, what is this image?!
[09:11] Shin
    It's disgusting!
[09:12] Shin
    And why are you covering
    Hedoro-san's chest?!
[09:14] Shin
    That's not needed!
[09:15] Gin
    Hide. That's certainly an option.
[09:17] Gin
    But when it comes to barf...
[09:21] Kagura
    Oh, sound effects!
[09:22] Kagura
    You can use sound effects to cover it up!
[09:24] Kagura
    I'll give it a try!
[09:29] Shin
    Shit, watching them throw
    up makes me want to...
[09:51] Hata
    Cut it out! You're standing before God!
[09:54] Gin
    Wait, you still want us to repent?
[09:57] Hata
    You bet!
[09:58] Hata
    Look!
[09:59] Hata
    This geezer's sick of
    standing in the same pose!
[10:02] Hata
    He's gonna die! Hurry up!
[10:06] Kagura
    We've been throwing up the entire show.
[10:08] All
    We're sorry!
[10:11] Hata
    Now pray.
SIGN    Apologize to the camera!!
[10:30] Otae
    Nobody cares that I want to
    restore our father's dojo now.
[10:35] Otae
    I'm sorry for ever mentioning it.
[10:39] Tojo
    I'm sorry for climaxing-ray!
[10:44] Kyu
    I'm sorry for sending a
    person to the afterlife.
[10:52] Madao
    I-I'm sorry...
[10:55] Zura
    I present the Joi Apology Seminar for
    the shy person who doesn't know how to apologize!
SIGN    Applause Cheers!!
[11:01] Shin
    What is this?
[11:02] Zura
    As a refined warrior, I believe
    I should teach everyone
[11:06] ---
    the proper way to apologize.
[11:09] Shin
    I see. That'll really help!
[11:11] Zura
    First, I'll teach you how to
    make stubborn men apologize.
[11:18] Shin
    Oh, it's Smile.
[11:19] Shin
    Are you saying that they
    should use alcohol?
[11:21] Otae
    Welcome.
[11:23] Otae
    You look so young.
[11:24] Otae
    How old are you?
[11:26] Zura
    Let's say that I'm in my late twenties.
[11:29] Zura
    You should never answer,
    "How old do I look?"
[11:33] Zura
    That's the reply most customers will use,
[11:34] ---
    so the escorts are sick of hearing it.
[11:37] Shin
    Uh, did we need that explanation?
[11:39] Shin
    This is turning into a
    hostess club seminar.
[11:41] Otae
    Oh, forgive me.
[11:43] Otae
    I forgot to introduce myself.
[11:44] ---
    My name is Tae.
[11:46] Zura
    O-Oh.
[11:48] Zura
    It's bad manners to ask
    for her e-mail address or
[11:50] ---
    phone number at this point.
[11:51] Zura
    Wait until she's about to leave.
[11:53] Shin
    We don't need that information!
[11:55] Shin
    And my sister already apologized first!
[11:59] Otae
    Oh, no!
[12:00] Otae
    Did I get your clothes wet? Are you okay?
[12:02] Shin
    Oh, here we go.
[12:03] Shin
    You finally get a chance to apologize.
[12:05] Zura
    No.
[12:06] Shin
    Huh?
[12:07] Zura
    Hey!
[12:09] Zura
    These glasses are hard to hold.
[12:11] A
    I'm very sorry!
[12:12] Shin
    Huh? You aren't going to apologize?
[12:14] Shin
    And you're a pretty nasty customer.
[12:16] Otae
    Sorry, I'll make you a new
    one, so please wait...
[12:21] Otae
    Excuse me, would you like a smoke?
[12:24] Zura
    Sorry, I don't smoke.
[12:26] Shin
    That wasn't an apology!
[12:28] Shin
    And it didn't even make sense!
[12:34] Zura
    I-I'm sorry...
SIGN    That made sense!
[12:37] Shin
    That's the punch line?!
SIGN    Apologize to the camera!!
[12:41] Saka
    I was too late for Ryomaden and Jin,
[12:43] Saka
    but at least I didn't miss
    the Year of the Dragon!
[12:45] Saka
    And wait, Zuraki-san!
[12:46] Saka
    How could you go to Smile without me?!
[12:48] Saka
    I'm sorry Oryo-chan.
[12:50] Saka
    I promise to visit this year!
[12:54] Kamui
    What? Apologize?
[12:56] Kamui
    Are you talking to me?
[12:57] Kamui
    I who only appeared in one episode
    in the second series?
[13:02] Kamui
    I'll kill you.
[13:04] Otose
    Don't be sad because
    it's the last episode!
[13:06] Cath
    You still have We are Old TamaCure!
[13:10] ---
    Empty Smile Ultra Peace!
SIGN    Apologize to the camera!!
[13:14] Tama
    I'm sorry for offending so many
    people in a matter of seconds.
[13:24] Madao
    I'm sorry.
[13:28] Mata
    This is great, Shinsuke-sama!
[13:30] Mata
    We made it in time!
[13:32] Bansai
    It seems that they want us to apologize.
[13:35] Takechi
    I believe we should do
    as they want this time.
[13:45] Mata
    Well, I understand how you feel!
[13:48] Mata
    I understand how you feel, but we
    barely get any screen time as it is!
[13:51] Bansai
    The Kiheitai episode was a little bloody.
[14:01] Taka
    I'm sorry.
[14:03] Taka
    I shouldn't be so violent.
[14:06] Taka
    But I really want to destroy...
[14:10] Taka
    ...the Greater Edo Ordinance Regarding
    the Healthy Development of Youths!
[14:21] Kagura
    This turned into a
    typical random episode.
[14:24] Kagura
    We got all these people here and
    we still can't make it work?
[14:27] Kagura
    Are you zeros?
[14:28] Kagura
    Total zeros?
[14:29] Kagura
    Are you going to spend the
    rest of your lives as zeros?
[14:31] Gin
    Kagura-chan, don't say that.
[14:34] Gin
    We're trying the best we can!
[14:36] Shin
    Exactly! Tell it like it is, Gin-san!
[14:40] Shin
    It's been a mess, but
    we've been apologizing!
[14:42] Kagura
    What are you talking about?
[14:44] Kagura
    We haven't done any apologizing.
    The producers have...
[14:46] Shin
    Hey! Stop talking!
[14:48] Shin
    That's a delicate issue!
[14:49] Shin
    It's gotten pretty touchy!
[14:51] Gin
    Think about it, Kagura.
[14:53] Gin
    We've done some stupid things,
    but we've always apologized.
[14:59] Kagura
    Really?
[15:01] Gin
    Sure!
[15:02] Gin
    Let's look back!
[15:04] Shin
    I-I'm sorry.
[15:06] Shin
    We're sorry! We're really sorry!
[15:08] Shin
    We'll lick your boots, so forgive us!
[15:13] Gin
    Sorry about that.
[15:14] Gin
    I got too cocky.
[15:15] Gin
    I'm sorry!
[15:17] Madao
    I'm very sorry.
[15:18] Sa
    Sorry...
[15:20] Sa
    Sorry.
[15:21] Sa
    Sorry.
[15:22] Sa
    Please forgive me.
[15:25] Zura
    Teehee, I got caught.
[15:29] Zura
    Sorry!
[15:32] Toshi
    I'm sorry!
[15:34] Toshi
    I'm sorry!
[15:35] Toshi
    Please! Please spare my life!
[15:38] Matsu
    Sorry. Bye.
[15:40] All
    We're sorry!
[15:42] Cath
    I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[15:44] Shin
    I'm sorry!
[15:45] Toshi
    My bad.
[15:46] Kondo
    Oh. Sorry.
[15:47] A
    I'm sorry!
[15:48] B
    I'm terribly sorry.
[15:49] C
    Sorry.
[15:49] Gin
    Yeah, sorry about that.
[15:50] A
    Sorry.
[15:52] B
    I'm sorry.
[15:57] Gin
    We deeply apologize.
[16:02] Kagura
    Oh, we've done more
    apologizing than I realized.
[16:05] Shin
    No idea who we were apologizing to, though.
[16:07] Gin
    Yeah, everybody's forgotten that
    we can be serious at times.
[16:11] Gin
    I'm sure you've all forgotten
    my touching apology.
[16:15] Both
    Touching apology?
[16:16] Gin
    Yes, my touching apology!
[16:22] Gin
    Damn old man!
[16:26] Jirocho
    Kid!
[16:36] Gin
    I'm sorry.
[16:37] Jirocho
    No, I'm the one who's sorry.
[16:46] Gin
    I will keep my promise and survive.
[16:49] Gin
    In return...
[16:51] Jirocho
    You will keep your promise and...
[16:55] Gin
    No, first...
[16:57] Both
    I'm sorry.
[16:59] Gin
    Right?
[17:01] Shin
    The hell are you on?!
[17:02] Shin
    That never happened!
[17:03] Shin
    Don't start rewriting history!
[17:05] Kagura
    You ruined a good scene! Don't
    put words in Jirocho's mouth!
[17:09] Toshi
    I guess this is it.
[17:11] ---
    I'm surprised they even lasted this long.
[17:13] Okita
    Let's go drink.
[17:15] Okita
    Without Hijikata-san.
[17:16] Toshi
    Eh?!
[17:17] Kyu
    Tae-chan, please come drink at my place.
[17:20] Otae
    Oh, that's a good idea.
[17:21] Madao
    Yay! Free food!
[17:23] Tojo
    Lady! I already booked us at !
[17:27] Otose*
    Tama, if Gintoki drinks himself
    cold, take all his possessions.
[17:30] Tama
    Understood, Lady Otose.
[17:32] Cath
    We won't leave a single ass hair.
[17:34] Sa
    Hey! Gin-san's ass hair is mine!
[17:36] Tsu
    What are you fighting about? Foolishness.
[17:40] Zura
    I guess I'll go home and
    take a Joi by myself.
[17:43] Yama
    Don't you mean, take a bath?!
[17:45] Yama
    And you realize that you're
    surrounded by cops!
[17:47] Kondo
    Zaki, that's enough for today.
[17:49] Yama
    Huh?
[17:49] Kondo
    We should go drink instead of wasting
    our time on this Odd Jobs mess.
[17:53] Toshi
    That's true.
[17:55] Toshi
    Well, let's call it a wrap.
[18:00] All
    Huh?
[18:03] Gin
    Th-That's...
[18:05] Gin
    The gorilla author!
SIGN    Me
[18:14] Gin
    That stinks!
[18:17] Gin
    What is this?
[18:18] Shin
    It looks like a letter.
[18:20] Gin
    Kagura, you don't have to stay in
    character, so read this letter.
[18:23] Kagura
    Okay.
[18:26] A
    We would like to thank everyone
[18:29] A
    who has supported the Gintama
    anime this entire time.
[18:34] A
    This show will be ending for now,
[18:40] A
    but it has nothing to do with
[18:44] A
    any trouble we may have caused.
[18:46] A
    And it has nothing to
    do with the fact that
[18:49] A
    the animation staff faithfully
    adapted every dirty joke.
[18:55] A
    And it has nothing to do with the fact
    that I can no longer eat fried chicken.
[19:00] A
    And it has nothing to do with the fact
    that director Fuji** got divorced.
[19:07] A
    There was never any internal strife.
[19:10] A
    The only strife was in
    director Fuji**'s household.
[19:14] A
    If you want a reason, it's because the
    producer suddenly shaved his head,
[19:20] A
    so we could no longer sacrifice
    his hair as a way to apologize
[19:22] A
    when something went wrong.
[19:25] A
    So you don't need to be sad.
[19:28] A
    We promise that when
    his hair is long enough
[19:31] A
    for him to be frequenting
    hostess clubs again,
[19:34] A
    we'll return and shave his head again.
[19:40] A
    So wipe away those tears. Cheer up.
[19:44] A
    We ask someone out there to send director
    Fuji** arranged marriage proposals.
[19:49] A
    This isn't the end.
[19:52] A
    So we don't intend to say goodbye.
[19:55] A
    There's only one thing for us to say.
[19:59] A
    We're sorry!
[20:02] A
    If we ever meet again,
    we'll have reflected
[20:05] ---
    upon our behavior and cleaned up our act,
[20:08] A
    to bring you a powered-up Gintama.
[20:10] A
    That's what it will take.
[20:14] A
    On behalf of the Gintama
    staff, I promise you this.
[20:18] A
    No matter what happens,
[20:21] A
    the Gintama staff and Gintama
[20:24] A
    will never give up (on dirty jokes)!
[20:29] Sorachi
    I want to be a cheese steamed bun!
[20:34] Shin
    Gin-san, the gorilla left.
[20:36] Kagura
    Should we beat him up later?
[20:41] Gin
    Stupid.
[20:42] Gin
    You should know the answer.
[20:44] Gin
    We just kind of popped back up,
[20:46] Gin
    so when it's time to close down,
[20:48] Gin
    we'll pop out!
[20:50] Both
    Yeah!
[20:51] All
    So long, everyone!
[20:54] All
    Sorry that we'll never
    give up (on dirty jokes)!