E340 - The Line Between Godlike Games and Shitty Games Is Paper-Thin / Glasses Are a Part of the Soul

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
[01:34] Gin
    Gintama Rumble?
[01:36] Gin
    What the heck is this?
SIGN    Enjoy Gintama Rumble in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:38] Shin
    What do you mean? It's an upcoming game.
[01:41] Shin
    Following the success of
    the Gintama board game,
[01:44] Shin
    Bandai Namco went all-out to
    make another game adaptation.
[01:47] Kag
    And it's an actual action game this time,
    as you can tell from the "Rumble."
[01:51] Kag
    It's got tons more money invested
    in it than the board game.
[01:53] Gin
    What's the point of making an action game
    when we don't have any special moves?
[01:58] Gin
    Talk about living in denial.
[02:00] Gin
    At least it was kinda cute when they
    made the board game in desperation.
[02:03] Shin
    Hey, quit complaining.
[02:04] Gin
    What's even going on with the rights?
    Don't you think this is weird, Bamco?
SIGN    Sugar Content
[02:08] Shin
    Our protagonist discussing our
    game is weirder, if you ask me.
[02:12] Gin
    True, we never really talked about it before.
[02:14] Gin
    Regardless of who made games about
    us or how badly they bombed,
[02:19] Gin
    we pretended not to notice.
[02:21] Shin
    Stop being rude, or we'll
    never get another game!
[02:24] Gin
    Besides, the licensed-game genre has
    always been a hotbed of shitty games.
[02:27] Shin
    They're not shitty! They're
    made with love and affection!
[02:30] Gin
    But if we don't produce a hit soon, sponsors
    might give up on the whole franchise.
[02:37] Gin
    That could lead to a reduction of
    cross-media promotions and merch
[02:40] Gin
    and ultimately affect even the anime.
[02:42] Shin
    Uh, the anime isn't really one to talk.
[02:45] Gin
    Talk about reckless, making an action game
    while we weren't paying attention.
[02:49] Gin
    It'll be in the bargain bin
    within a few months, no doubt.
[02:52] Shin
    Don't jinx it before the release!
    It's gonna sell like hotcakes!
[02:55] Gin
    I dunno about other Jump protags,
[02:57] Gin
    but as an adult protag, I'm gonna
    point out problems when I see them.
[03:01] Shin
    You're the biggest problem here!
[03:02] Shin
    I've never heard of a protag
    meddling in his franchise's merch!
[03:06] Gin
    I'm saying I can't just sit back
    and let Bamco handle it all.
[03:10] Gin
    In this day and age, any protag worth
    his salt has to oversee all the merch.
[03:15] Gin
    On that note...
SIGN    The Line Between Godlike Games
    and Shitty Games Is Paper-Thin
SIGN    Bandai Namco
SIGN    Lab A
[03:25] Tama
    Main system successfully infiltrated.
SIGN    Authenticating
SIGN    Unlocked
[03:31] Tama
    Hacking complete.
[03:33] Gin
    Great. Let's fix up Gintama
    Rumble by ourselves.
[03:37] Shin
    Hey! What do you think you're
    doing right before the release?!
[03:39] Gin
    We're gonna do all we can to make a game
    that has a chance of selling a million.
[03:43] Shin
    Yeah, right!
[03:44] Shin
    Do you really think we're gonna get away
    with sneaking in here and doing whatever?
[03:47] Shin
    They've almost finished
    making a really fun game!
SIGN    Gintama Rumble
[03:50] Shin
    People with no game dev experience
    should keep their noses out of this!
[03:52] Gin
    Don't be naïve.
[03:55] Gin
    Sure, it might be a fun game.
[03:57] Gin
    But I wanna ask Bamco this:
[03:59] Gin
    "Do you guys really want to score a hit?"
SIGN    Gintama Rumble
[04:02] Gin
    If they were serious about it,
SIGN    Gintama Rumble
[04:06] Gin
    this is what would happen, obviously.
[04:07] Shin
    Like hell!
[04:08] Shin
    Don't try to claw your way
    into a super-hit series!
[04:10] Gin
    There's a ton of them already,
    so nobody'll notice if we slip ourselves in.
[04:13] Gin
    Can't go wrong Tales-of-ing
    basically anything in life.
[04:16] Shin
    What the hell is "Tales-of-ing"?
    What kinda verb is that?
[04:19] Gin
    Ignoring our crude original work is fine.
[04:23] Gin
    We're totally up for
    Tales-of-ing off of them.
[04:26] Shin
    More like Tales of hitching
    a ride on their backs!
[04:29] Shin
    Talk about riding on
    someone else's coattails!
[04:31] Tama
    Roger.
[04:33] Tama
    You want to be carried one way or another.
[04:35] Shin
    Hey, Tama-san!
[04:36] Tama
    So switching to a fantasy RPG, basically?
[04:41] Shin
    Wait a sec! What about the "Rumble" part?
SIGN    Gintama Rumble
[04:44] Shin
    That's the USP of this game, you know!
[04:46] Kag
    That won't be hard to work around. We can
    just name the protag Rumble or something.
[04:50] Shin
    Who? This will be a Gintama game, right?
[04:52] Gin
    Great idea. I really hate game
    protags who talk too much.
[04:58] Gin
    In order to provide the best immersion,
[05:00] Gin
    he should say nothing but
    "yes" and "no," like in DQ.
[05:04] Gin
    So Gin-san doesn't have
    to be the protag here.
[05:07] Gin
    The protag has no personality,
    only speaks when required,
SIGN    Tales of Rumble
[05:10] Gin
    and his name is Tales of Rumble.
[05:11] Shin
    But Rumble's dripping with personality!
[05:13] Shin
    Even if he doesn't say a word,
    his back tells the whole story!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Snack Otose
[05:17] Gin
    Rumble comes to Edo, joins Odd Jobs,
[05:20] Gin
    and rescues the kidnapped
    princess with us, is the story.
[05:23] Shin
    Who would self-insert
    into this rugged old man?
[05:26] Shin
    He's clearly the guy who
    normally kidnaps the princess!
SIGN    Hello, Rumble. Welcome to Odd Jobs.
[05:32] Gin
    Hello, Rumble. Welcome to Odd Jobs.
SIGN    Before you join, I'd like to know your affinity. Is that okay?
[05:36] Gin
    Before you join, I'd like to know
    your affinity. Is that okay?
SIGN    I'm S I'm M
[05:43] Shin
    What happened to "yes" and "no"?!
[05:45] Shin
    How many things could you
    respond to with that?!
[05:47] Gin
    All an RPG protag needs to
    say is whether he's S or M.
[05:52] Gin
    That'd let him choose his
    size at the armor shop, too.
SIGN    Which size armor would you like?
SIGN    I'm M
[05:56] Gin
    Rumble's L-sized, though.
[05:58] Shin
    What's the point, then? The leather
    armor would be too tight on him!
[06:01] Gin
    Also, you recover HP at Starbecks, not
    inns, giving the game a modern, hip feel.
[06:07] Gin
    The options should come in handy there, too.
SIGN    Would you like that in short, tall, or grande?
[06:12] Shin
    He can't order anything!
[06:13] Shin
    The grande and stuff is too trendy
    for him! He's freaking out!
[06:16] Gin
    Don't worry. HP might be difficult,
[06:19] Gin
    but buying rope and candles from the
    item shop will let you recover MP.
SIGN    I'm M
[06:23] Shin
    That's Masochist Points!
[06:25] Shin
    Why is "M" the only choice
    you can make in this game?!
[06:27] Shin
    Hey! Who the hell would want
    to control such a gross protag?
[06:31] Gin
    Relax. It only looks so graphic
    because this is a cinematic scene.
[06:38] Gin
    Most of the time, he'll be super-deformed.
[06:40] Shin
    The protag is practically a corpse?
[06:42] Gin
    Games these days are too reliant on FMVs.
[06:46] Gin
    Graphics only need to be
    detailed in climactic scenes.
[06:48] Gin
    The rest of the time, they should be
    left up to the player's imagination.
SIGN    Shinpachi: "Big trouble, Gin-san!"
[06:53] Shin
    What do you think you're
    leaving to imagination?!
[06:55] Shin
    What happened to the body? Are you saying
    that's a waste of resources, too?!
SIGN    Someone kidnapped the princess.
[06:59] Shin
    Hey! Why're the glasses
    dragging a coffin around?!
[07:01] Shin
    Does it mean what I think it means?!
[07:03] Kag
    With that, we've got a full party.
[07:05] Gin
    Yeah. The four of them will
    now begin their adventure.
SIGN    Gintoki Kagura Rumble Shinpachi
[07:10] Shin
    They've practically been wiped out from
    the start! Hurry up and visit the church!
SIGN    A monster appeared.
[07:15] Kag
    Look, an enemy.
SIGN    Rotten Shades (38) ATK DEF WORK
[07:17] Shin
    Why is everyone, ally or enemy, a corpse?!
[07:20] Shin
    Why is Hasegawa-san a monster?!
[07:22] Gin
    That's not Hasegawa-san.
    It's Rotten Shades (38).
[07:25] Shin
    So Hasegawa-san, then!
SIGN    Rotten Shades calls for backup...
SIGN    Rotten Shades calls for backup... but no help arrives.
SIGN    Rotten Shades calls for backup...
SIGN    Rotten Shades calls for backup... but no help arrives.
SIGN    Rotten Shades calls for backup...
SIGN    Rotten Shades calls for backup... but no help arrives, obviously.
[07:42] Shin
    Somebody help him!
SIGN    Rotten Shades is defeated.
[07:47] Shin
    What did he even show up for?
    All he's done is embarrass himself!
SIGN    Rotten Shades gets up and looks at you like he wants work. Will you give him a job?
[07:53] Shin
    "He wants work"?
    What's that supposed to mean?
[07:55] Shin
    Wait, is he gonna join the party?
    You can save the Rotten Shades?
SIGN    I'm S
[08:00] Shin
    Somebody save him!
[08:02] Shin
    I don't see a choice to
    save Rotten Shades (38)!
[08:06] Gin
    Games have gotten too indifferent
    to killing and looting, right?
[08:10] Gin
    You kill monsters for XP and open
    chests in strangers' homes for items.
[08:16] Gin
    By giving the players a
    choice in this scenario,
[08:19] Gin
    we want them to learn how much
    people sin in everyday life.
[08:22] Shin
    Can we really make kids play a game
    where they finish off a half-dead guy?
[08:26] Gin
    Our lives are being supported
    by countless deaths.
[08:29] Gin
    We wanna teach kids that through this game.
[08:32] Gin
    So the more Rotten Shades you kill,
    the more coffins you'll be dragging around.
[08:36] Shin
    We don't need any more corpses!
[08:39] Shin
    This is so depressing, it'll only
    make people lose motivation to play!
SIGN    Gintoki Kagura Rumble Shinpachi
[08:43] Kag
    We lost HP.
[08:45] Kag
    What caused it?
SIGN    Gintoki Job: NEET
[08:48] Gin
    Looks like I got infected by NEET in
    the fight against the Rotten Shades.
[08:52] Sign
    Why is NEET a poison-like status effect?
[08:55] Gin
    It reduces the motivation stat to zero,
    preventing the use of items or heals.
SIGN    ATK
    DEF
    MOT
    WALK
[09:00] Gin
    You also lose the energy to walk,
    so HP is gradually lost.
[09:04] Gin
    And eventually...
SIGN    The party is wiped out.
[09:09] Shin
    NEET is way too scary!
[09:11] Gin
    Of course it is. Being a NEET is terrifying.
[09:15] Gin
    You know how a lot of people are goofing
    off after finishing their education lately?
[09:19] Gin
    We want to show them how
    important it is to work.
[09:22] Shin
    But you're not. All you're showing
    them is an absurd fear of NEETdom!
SIGN    Enquiries
[09:26] Gin
    Don't worry. Those who are up for
    the fight will get another chance.
SIGN    This is Hello Work. We can refer you to a workplace.
[09:33] Shin
    What? You come back to life
    at Hello Work, not a church?
[09:36] Gin
    So long as you never give up,
    you can start anew over and over.
SIGN    Choose your new job.
SIGN    S, please M, please
[09:42] Shin
    Excuse me! In the end, S and M
    are the only jobs I can take!
SIGN    Choose quickly.
SIGN    Choose quickly. Could you hurry up?
[09:51] Gin
    Huh? The staff are acting weird.
SIGN    It doesn't matter which.
SIGN    It doesn't matter which. Come on...
SIGN    It doesn't matter which. Come on... Man... This is a pain.
SIGN    Hello Work is wiped out.
[10:02] Shin
    NEET is way too scary!
[10:04] Shin
    Why has it infected the
    Hello Work staff, too?!
[10:08] Gin
    Sometimes, even Hello Work
    people don't wanna work.
[10:11] Gin
    I wanted to show the player that.
[10:13] Shin
    Do you wanna make them work or not?
SIGN    Edo is wiped out.
[10:18] Gin
    At this point, all you can
    do is reset and start over.
[10:21] Shin
    Who was it that said you can start
    anew so long as you don't give up?!
[10:23] Gin
    Shaddup!
[10:24] Gin
    You think you can auto-revive when
    you're wiped out? Life ain't that easy!
[10:29] Gin
    Those of us who grew up on Wizardry
[10:31] Gin
    had to form another party to go recover
    our bodies once we got wiped out.
[10:36] Gin
    After all that trouble, we'd take
    them to the temple to revive,
[10:38] Gin
    but sometimes we'd fail and
    lose our characters forever.
[10:40] Shin
    Enough with your "back in my day" crap!
[10:41] Shin
    There's no way modern kids could
    deal with this masochistic design!
[10:46] Kag
    That's it. Making them
    reset is going too far.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Snack Otose
[10:49] Kag
    We can just make them form a
    new party to save us NEETs.
SIGN    Welcome to Kabuki District, Rumblee.
[10:55] Oto
    Welcome to Kabuki District, Rumblee.
[10:58] Shin
    Rumblee?!
[11:00] Kag
    Rumble had a kid sister.
[11:02] Kag
    She's come to Kabuki District
    in order to save him.
[11:04] Shin
    I get it! Twin protags!
SIGN    I'm impressed by your resolve to save your NEET brother.
[11:07] Oto
    I'm impressed by your resolve
    to save your NEET brother.
SIGN    But this town is overrun with NEET now.
[11:12] Oto
    But this town is overrun with NEET now.
SIGN    Rumblee,
[11:16] Oto
    Rumblee, can you really...
SIGN    Rumblee, can you really...
SIGN    save your brother?!
[11:20] Oto
    save your brother?!
SIGN    MADAO Hazard
[11:30] Voice
    MADAO Hazard.
[11:33] Shin
    It turned into a completely different game!
[11:36] Kag
    Act Two, Tales of Madao Hazard,
[11:39] Kag
    is a survival-horror game set in a
    Kabuki District taken over by NEETs.
[11:45] Shin
    Why have NEETs turned into
    a resident evil biohazard?!
[11:50] Kag
    The player must cut through
    wave after wave of NEETs.
[11:53] Shin
    What happened to the girl who
    came here to save a NEET?!
[11:56] Kag
    The objective is to reach NEET Rumble!
[12:01] Shin
    Rumble's totally become the last boss!
SIGN    Oh, no. Shinpachi's been completely consumed.
[12:06] Shin
    What do you mean, "consumed"?
    Just how terrifying is the NEET virus?
SIGN    Shinpachi... Rumble...
[12:11] Kag
    Shinpachi... Rumble...
SIGN    Don't give up! There must be a way to make them work!
[12:13] Gin
    Don't give up!
[12:15] Gin
    There must be a way to make them work!
[12:18] Shin
    How come you two get to be Rumblee's
    party members and I don't?!
SIGN    Fire that thing into their asses. It'll send them flying all the way to Hello Work.
[12:26] Mad
    Fire that thing into their asses.
[12:29] Mad
    It'll send them flying all
    the way to Hello Work.
[12:31] Shin
    Hey! Why's the NEET who caused all this
    showing up now like he's here to help?!
SIGN    However, there's only one work slot open.
[12:36] Mad
    However, there's only one work slot open.
SIGN    Unfortunately, one of the two will be erased along with the NEET virus.
[12:39] Mad
    Unfortunately, one of the two will
    be erased along with the NEET virus.
[12:43] Shin
    Say what?!
SIGN    Press A for Shinpachi-kun. Press B for Rumble.
[12:45] Mad
    Press A for Shinpachi-kun.
    Press B for Rumble.
SIGN    Press A for Shinpachi-kun. Press B for Rumble. Now, choose one!
[12:49] Mad
    Now, choose one!
[12:51] Shin
    H-How are you supposed to choose—
SIGN    I'm S
[12:59] Shin
    You too?!
[13:01] Shin
    In the end, all three NEETs got wiped out!
[13:04] Shin
    Can both siblings only speak in S and Ms?!
[13:06] Shin
    How the hell were they raised?!
[13:09] Kag
    There you have it.
[13:11] Gin
    Pretty good.
[13:13] Shin
    Like hell it is!
[13:14] Shin
    This game has nothing to do
    with even the G of Gintama!
[13:17] Shin
    And what happened to the stuff about
    the kidnapped princess, anyway?!
[13:20] Gin
    The princess doesn't exist anymore.
    Everyone turned into a NEET.
[13:24] Shin
    Just how half-assed is this story?!
[13:28] Tama
    Shinpachi-sama...
[13:29] Tama
    The kidnapped princess, and the
    slain Rumble and friends...
[13:33] Tama
    There's one way to recover them all.
[13:36] Shin
    Really, Tama-san?
[13:38] Tama
    The princess is fine.
[13:40] Tama
    Funnily enough, she escaped the NEET
    outbreak because she was kidnapped.
[13:45] Tama
    She was being held captive
    by terrifying monsters
[13:48] Tama
    in a world where no living
    person can ever set foot.
[13:58] Shin
    D-Don't tell me...
[14:00] Tama
    Yes. In order to gain tickets to
    the afterlife and save the princess,
[14:06] Tama
    Rumble and gang risked their lives
    and separated their bodies and souls.
[14:10] Tama
    Their new forms showed no traces
    of the time they spent as MADAOs.
[14:16] Tama
    History would come to know them as...
SIGN    Super MADAO Brothers
[14:22] Shin
    Forget recovering anything!
    It just made an even bigger mess!
[14:25] Shin
    Are you seriously going to start
    a third act at this point?
[14:28] Shin
    How many coattails are you
    people gonna crap on?!
[14:31] Tama
    But they've found work as plumbers now,
    and the princess will be rescued, too.
[14:36] Tama
    Everyone will be saved.
[14:37] Shin
    Not Bamco!
[14:39] Gin
    Okay, fine. We'll move on to a guy named
    Bamco Lord van Damme as the protag and—
[14:43] Shin
    Enough!
[14:47] G
    So we can either go with something like
    this or the action game showed before.
SIGN    Gintama Rumble Pitch
[14:53] G
    Which should we release, President?
SIGN    Bandai Namco
[14:59] Prez
    I'm S!
[15:11] Tae
    Take care.
[15:27] Shin
    Uh, something seems off.
SIGN    Glasses Are a Part of the Soul
SIGN    Zoff's Eyewear
[15:39] Zo
    So, what kind of glasses are you looking for?
[15:43] Zo
    Normal ones like these.
[15:45] Zo
    I broke them while half-asleep.
[15:48] Zo
    All the trendy stores are too expen—wait,
    don't take it the wrong way!
[15:52] Zo
    It's fine. We place more importance
    on visibility than appearance.
[16:00] Zo
    Glasses take the place of their
    wearer's eyes to see things.
[16:04] Zo
    They're a second pair of eyes.
[16:09] Zo
    Why don't you try these?
[16:12] Zo
    They have a bit of a rock style, though.
[16:14] Shin
    Uh, is this really rock?
[16:16] Zo
    They're called the Curr Sedd Glasses.
[16:19] Shin
    Curr Sedd Glasses?
[16:21] Zo
    These will let you see through all the
    world's truths clearly and distinctly.
[16:29] Shin
    Clearly and distinctly?
[16:30] Zo
    Indeed.
[16:32] Zo
    All of nature and creation,
    clearly and distinctly.
[16:36] Shin
    Uh, this goes beyond clearly and distinctly.
[16:38] Shin
    I'm clearly and distinctly seeing
    things that I shouldn't be seeing.
[16:42] Shin
    "Curr Sedd Glasses"?
[16:44] Shin
    These are just cursed glasses!
SIGN    Guardian Spirit
[16:50] Vo
    Guardian spirit.
[16:51] Shin
    It started analyzing things!
SIGN    Guardian spirits are spirits that follow a person or other entity and protect them. Also known as tutelary deities or guardian angels.
SIGN    Guardian spirits are spirits that follow a person or other entity and protect them. Also known as tutelary deities or guardian angels. -Extract from Vikipedia
[16:58] Shin
    It just copy-pasted from Vikipedia?!
[17:00] Shin
    Why can I see guardian spirits?
    These glasses are no joke!
[17:04] Shin
    And I can't unequip these cursed glasses!
[17:07] Shin
    That geezer!
[17:09] Shin
    What the hell does he think he's sold me?!
[17:11] Shin
    He'll pay for this!
[17:14] Shin
    Th-The store's gone...
[17:19] Shin
    No way.
[17:21] Shin
    Was that store itself an
    otherworldly eyewear store?
[17:25] Shin
    What am I to do?
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[17:28] Shin
    Gin-san!
[17:29] Shin
    Please help me!
[17:32] Gin
    What?
[17:33] Gin
    I can't deal with all
    this noise so early, man.
[17:36] Gin
    What is it? You see something scary?
SIGN    One word and you're dead.
[17:44] Shin
    N-No, it's nothing.
[17:47] Shin
    There was a huge one here, too!
[17:50] Shin
    Gin-san has one crazy guardian spirit!
[17:53] Gin
    What's wrong with you?
    Do you wanna be killed?
[17:56] Shin
    I-I'm sorry. Please don't kill me.
[17:59] Gin
    Seriously, what's gotten into you?
[18:01] Shin
    Spirit, nothing! That's practically a monster!
[18:03] Shin
    Has this thing always been by Gin-san's
    side since the anime started 10 years ago?
[18:08] Gin
    I'm busy as shit this morning, y'know.
[18:10] Gin
    I have so much to do, even an
    extra arm wouldn't be enough.
[18:13] Shin
    But you're using six arms!
[18:15] Shin
    Your guardian spirit's helping
    you with your morning stuff!
[18:18] Gin
    You should hurry up and get ready, too.
[18:22] Gin
    We're being forced to take part
    in the neighborhood sports meet.
SIGN    Chew well.
SIGN    What about rice? Want a normal serving or large?
[18:25] Shin
    What're you, a mom?!
[18:26] Shin
    And what does this look
    like without the glasses?
[18:29] Gin
    Oh, the miso soup moved.
[18:31] Shin
    A guardian spirit was behind the
    moving miso soup phenomenon?
[18:35] Gin
    I need to take a dump.
[18:36] Shin
    That's how the morning
    call of nature worked?!
[18:40] Gin
    Huh? Hey, who forgot to flush their poop?!
[18:45] Shin
    The unflushed poop was a guardian spirit's?!
[18:49] Shin
    I-I had no idea
[18:51] Shin
    that they were supporting
    our lifestyles this way.
[18:54] Shin
    But who knows what'd happen
    to me if I exposed this?
[18:58] Shin
    Anyway, I can't believe Gin-san
    had such a rugged guardian spirit.
[19:02] Shin
    No wonder he's so strong.
[19:05] Shin
    Is he an ancestor of his, or
    some god his family worshiped?
SIGN    Guardian Spirit Asuraman.
[19:09] Voice
    Guardian Spirit Asuraman.
SIGN    Guardian Spirit Asuraman.
    Sakata Gintoki's guardian spirit.
    The spirit of Ginnikuman erasers
    he got from capsule machines as a kid.
[19:12] Shin
    He was a Ginraser spirit?!
[19:14] Shin
    What the hell do you mean,
    an eraser's spirit?!
SIGN    He got seven Asuramans, so he threw away six. The vengeful malice of the six formed a spirit that plots to exact revenge on its host when it gets the chance.
[19:24] Shin
    This is no guardian spirit!
    It's just a vengeful ghost!
SIGN    Toilet
[19:28] Gin
    Hey, we're out of toilet paper!
SIGN    Special ability: making minor things disappear with its eraser.
[19:32] Shin
    That's some petty revenge!
[19:35] Gin
    Shinpachi! Bring me some TP!
SIGN    I'll kill you if you bring it!!
[19:38] Gin
    You there, Shinpachi?!
[19:40] Gin
    Hey! TP!
[19:40] Shin
    Sorry, Gin-san, but your guardian spirit
    has no intention of guarding you.
[19:42] Gin
    We're out of toilet paper, Shinpachi!
[19:45] Gin
    Wake up, Kagura!
[19:46] Gin
    Bring me toilet paper!
[19:49] AA
    Quiet. Forget that, bring me booze.
[19:54] Shin
    Who the hell is this dude?!
[19:57] AA
    Hup.
SIGN    Guardian Spirit Alchu.
[20:01] Voice
    Guardian Spirit Alchu.
SIGN    Guardian Spirit Alchu. Kagura's guardian spirit. The spirit of a pmon that's super popular with kids.
[20:03] Shin*
    What do you mean, Alchu?
    What is it, a ripoff?!
SIGN    A miraculous monster born from a collaboration between a drunkard and the Pchu stuffed toy Kagura made as a poor child who wanted to be part of the Pmon fad.
[20:11] (Flashback) Kag
    No! My Pchu!
[20:13] Shin*
    That drunkard looks familiar!
[20:15] Shin
    Actually, the spirit looks
    just like him, too!
SIGN    Swore absolute loyalty to the shochu that gave birth to him, stays with it, and protects it at all times.
[20:21] Shin
    He's just an alcoholic!
[20:22] Gin
    Kagura! TP!
[20:24] AA
    Oh, shut up.
[20:26] AA
    Gimme a sec. I'll go call Master.
[20:31] AA
    Master, shochu on the rocks.
[20:32] Shin
    Not a master bartender!
[20:35] AA
    Wake up, Master.
[20:37] AA
    We're out of shochu, Master.
[20:41] Shin
    Who wakes someone up like that?!
[20:43] Kag
    Ew, something stinks!
[20:45] Shin
    Is that why she always
    wakes up in a bad mood?!
[20:48] AA
    Master, get me sake.
[20:51] AA
    Sake, sake. Sake, okay?
[20:53] AA
    Sake, Sakay...
[20:54] Kag
    So sleepy...
[20:55] AA
    ...kay.
[20:56] Kag
    I wanna pee...
[20:57] AA
    ...kay.
[20:58] Kag
    Going to the bathroom...
SIGN    Since alcohol is his primary source of energy, he's always requesting more sake from his master.
[20:59] AA
    ...kay.
[21:00] Shin
    The 'kays were coming from you?!
[21:02] Shin
    That wasn't a verbal tic? It was
    just the ramblings of a drunkard?!
[21:09] Kag
    Hey, somebody in there? Tell me...
[21:10] AA
    ...kay.
[21:11] Kag
    What the heck? There's no response...
[21:13] AA
    ...kay.
[21:13] Shin
    Oh, I forgot about Gin-san.
SIGN    Guardian Spirit TP Knight
[21:18] Voice
    Guardian Spirit TP Knight.
[21:20] ---
    Why are you a spirit now?!
SIGN    The ill-will over a lack of TP and nobody bringing it to him brings this spirit of Sakata Gintoki to life every morning.
[21:24] Shin
    You turn into a spirit over no paper?
    You do this crap every morning?!
SIGN    While wandering to Matsuto Kiyoshi for toilet paper, it also walks Sadaharu as his makeshift guardian spirit.
[21:34] Shin**
    You were the one walking Sadaharu?!
[21:38] AA
    Take care of him.
[21:40] Shin
    My ass! You guys are totally useless!
SIGN    Kabuki District Sports Meet
[21:52] Oto
    Thank you all for taking time out of
    your busy schedules to be here today.
SIGN    Kabuki District Sports Meet
[21:59] Gin
    Jeez, why do old men and cabaret
    girls have to race one another?
[22:06] Shin
    Old men and cabaret girls
    would be one thing...
[22:11] Shin
    But all I'm seeing is a
    great underworld war!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Guardian Spirits Are Also
    a Part of the Soul
[23:49] Shin
    You know, this isn't even the
    right season for a sports meet!
SIGN    Taking part in a big sports meet
SIGN    while listening to Jingle Bells has its own charm.
SIGN    But what becomes of Pachi-boy's glasses,
SIGN    which have turned into something quite bizarre?