E155 - The Other Side of the Other Side of the Other Side would be the Other Side

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Gin
    Well, I've got an important announcement from TV Tokyo.
[00:06] Gin
    The current analog broadcast will be ending on July 24, 2011 and switching
[00:12] Gin
    to a terrestrial digital broadcast.
[00:15] Gin
    Once that has happened, analog televisions will...
[00:18] Shin
    Gin-san.
[00:20] Gin
    What?
[00:24] Shin
    They didn't ask for this today.
[00:30] Gin
    Really?
[02:18] Drunk
    Shuddap...
[02:19] Mana
    This Perowne stuff is good.
[02:21] Manb
    Can't deny that.
[02:23] Manc
    You'll take anything, huh?
[02:35] Madao
    After all these years of being called DORK,
[02:37] Madao
    Gin-san, I'm gonna do it.
[02:41] Madao
    A life that keeps sputtering on...
[02:44] Madao
    An endless loop of finding bad things on the other side...
[02:47] Madao
    I'm going to break free of this DORK Spiral today!
[02:52] Gin
    That's right.
[02:53] Gin
    All you need is a chance to turn your life around.
[03:00] Gin
    We'll be taking off from this place today.
[03:04] Gin
    Let's go, Hasegawa-san.
[03:06] Madao
    Yeah!
[03:08] Madao
    Win, win, and win more!
[03:11] Madao
    No more DORK!
SIGN    ["The other side of the other side of the other side would be the other side."]
[03:34] Madao
    Horse racing is a mind game.
[03:36] Madao
    The result comes from a number of intertwined factors.
[03:40] Madao
    Quite frankly, anybody who doesn't use their head is an idiot.
[03:44] Gin
    I don't understand the nitty-gritty stuff,
[03:46] Gin
    but you just have to pick the winning horse, right?
[03:48] Madao
    Too naive.
[03:49] Madao
    There are notes about records, news, times, training, pedigrees, jockeys, trainers...
[03:55] Madao
    The wealth of information written here narrows down the choices.
[04:00] Madao
    Naturally, you can't take what's written at face value.
[04:02] Madao
    You have to read between the lines to spot the hidden signs and arrive at the only possible truth.
[04:10] Madao
    That's how you predict...
[04:12] Gin
    God, that's long!
[04:13] Gin
    That's a long-ass explanation!
[04:15] Gin
    I'm a beginner, so I don't understand all that crap.
[04:18] Gin
    So which horse has it coming? Which horse is it?
[04:21] Madao
    Like I was saying, the predicting is the epitome of horse racing!
[04:26] Madao
    If you think it's too much effort, just go with your gut!
[04:29] Madao
    There's always beginner's luck.
[04:32] Gin
    I see. Go with my gut...
[04:46] Hasegawa
    Hey! What's that?!
[04:47] Hasegawa
    The date?!
[04:48] Hasegawa
    It wouldn't be so hard if you could win like that!
[04:50] Gin
    Don't worry.
[04:52] Gin
    Weren't you talking about beginner's luck just now?
[04:55] Gin
    The stars are aligned for me today.
[04:57] Gin
    I can see the star of victory shining above me.
[05:00] Gin
    Yeah, can't you see that shining star next to the Big Dipper?
[05:06] Hasegawa
    No, you don't want to see that one.
[05:09] Hasegawa
    People have died after seeing that.
[05:20] Madao
    That's odd...
[05:21] Madao
    I had a pretty good feeling this time...
[05:23] Gin
    That's odd...
[05:24] Gin
    I had a pretty good feeling this time...
[05:27] Madao
    Wait, you weren't even predicting anything.
[05:30] Madao
    You just went with the date.
[05:32] Gin
    You're one to talk.
[05:34] Gin
    Your ticket was completely wrong, too.
[05:36] Madao
    No, don't lump me together with you.
[05:38] Madao
    My prediction was on a whole different scale from yours.
[05:41] Madao
    I stayed up for seven hours last night simulating possible outcomes.
[05:47] Madao
    And that lead to this result.
[05:49] Gin
    Hey, don't you feel empty when you say that?
[05:51] Gin
    How much time are you wasting?
[05:53] Gin
    And yeah, didn't you have anything else to do?
[05:56] Madao
    I didn't.
[05:58] Gin
    I'm sorry.
[06:02] Gin
    W-Well, let's pull ourselves together and try another race, Hasegawa-san.
[06:06] Madao
    You're right.
[06:08] Madao
    We only lost one race.
[06:10] Madao
    The game's just begun!
[06:12] Gin
    That's right!
[06:20] Madao
    Go! Go!
[06:28] Gin
    That's it! Run your ass off!
[06:31] Gin
    The whip! Use the whip!
[06:43] Madao
    Lost everything...
[06:44] Gin
    Yeah...
[06:45] Gin
    Even had the hairs on my ass plucked off...
[06:47] Gin
    I don't even have enough for the train-ride back.
[06:54] Gin
    What's wrong?
[06:56] Gin
    Did you snap after losing so much.
[06:58] Madao
    Nah.
[06:59] Madao
    It just seems like this is how it's always been since we met.
[07:03] Gin
    Really?
[07:05] Madao
    'Cause you know, I may be like this now,
[07:08] Madao
    but before I met y'all, I was a top level bureaucrat in the Bakufu.
[07:17] Madao
    Weren't you ever taught to obey authority?
[07:21] Gin
    You're from the Bakufu?
[07:23] Madao
    We're from Immigration.
[07:26] Madao
    We've got a job for you, Odd Jobs.
[07:29] Madao
    I was shooting my way up the ladder...
[07:32] Madao
    Despite appearances...
[07:34] Madao
    But...
[07:35] Shin
    Gin-san!
[07:37] Gin
    Shinpachi!
[07:40] Madao
    I told you not to act arbitrarily!
[07:42] Shin
    It's gonna eat me!
[07:43] Gin
    Bastard...
[07:45] Madao
    I'm fully aware that we won't be able to capture it in one piece.
[07:49] Madao
    A little sacrifice is necessary for the stupid prince to understand that fact.
[07:53] Shin
    Hey! Are you listening to me?!
[07:56] Gin
    So you want to use my sidekick as bait so you can get permission to dispose of that?
[08:00] Gin
    You people are rotten to the core.
[08:03] Madao
    Like I said, we have to learn to live with them.
[08:07] Madao
    Rotten or not, I'm protecting this country in my own way.
[08:12] Madao
    That's my kind of samurai code.
[08:15] Gin
    I see.
[08:17] Gin
    Then, I'll follow my own samurai code!
[08:24] Madao
    Wait up!
[08:26] Gin
    So what if the Bakufu or the country collapses?!
[08:30] Gin
    I'll live tall until the day this body falls apart!
[08:44] Madao
    That bastard's gone and done it.
[08:49] Guy
    Hasegawa, what is the meaning of this?!
[08:51] Hata
    I told you to capture him without hurting him!
[08:55] Hata
    This is an international issue!
[08:57] Madao
    Live tall...
[09:00] Madao
    Sounds like a goal a kid would set.
[09:03] Madao
    That's right. My mother used to say...
[09:07] Madao
    "You're hunched over. Stand up straight."
[09:12] Madao
    Mom, am I standing up straight right now?
[09:17] Hata
    -gawa!
[09:18] Hata
    Hasegawa!
[09:19] Hata
    I'm going to report this incident to my father!
[09:23] Madao
    Shut it.
[09:25] Madao
    Shut it!
[09:28] Madao
    I told you to shut your mouth, you blob-headed alien!
[09:31] Madao
    That was where everything started going wrong.
[09:39] Madao
    Before that point, I was Taizo Hasegawa.
[09:43] Madao
    People called me by my real name.
[09:46] Madao
    But ever since...
[09:51] Kagura
    Why were you fired, old-timer?
[09:56] Madao
    Well... Because...
[10:00] Madao
    It's because I lost my head once and just followed my bliss.
[10:04] Madao
    A young girl like you should always think about the consequences of your actions.
[10:10] Madao
    Life is long, you know.
[10:12] Kagura
    I don't want to hear that from a loser like you.
[10:18] Kagura
    See ya, you Dumb Old Retarded Kook!
[10:20] Kagura
    Or "DORK" for short!
[10:24] Madao
    Yes...
[10:25] Madao
    I became DORK...
[10:46] Gin
    Hasegawa-san...
[10:48] Gin
    Let's go...
[10:49] Gin
    Our battle's over now...
[10:54] Gin
    Looking back, the two of us have never come out ahead when we gamble together.
[11:01] Gin
    When we play pachinko, we end up losing the money for the next day's meals...
[11:09] Gin
    When we go to the casino...
[11:10] Lady
    Everybody's ready?
[11:17] Both
    Even!
[11:21] Gin
    We leave without the clothes on our backs.
[11:24] Gin
    Enough already...
[11:28] Madao
    Gin-san, today's different.
[11:33] Madao
    Tomorrow is Hatsu's birthday.
[11:38] Gin
    I see... Your wife's...
[11:41] Madao
    Even after everything that's happened,
[11:43] Madao
    I still want to look good for Hatsu.
[11:48] Madao
    Well, I at least want to be a husband who manages to scrape by,
[11:51] Madao
    despite being a failure.
[11:55] Madao
    That's what's kept me floundering around this whole time.
[11:58] Madao
    I worked my ass off to find a job.
[12:02] Madao
    I struggled in vain to escape this lifestyle.
[12:06] Madao
    But my efforts always ended in failure...
[12:09] Madao
    Is this the DORK Spiral?
[12:12] Madao
    Now, I don't even have a place to live, let alone a job.
[12:17] Madao
    Er, wait.
[12:18] Madao
    Looking back now, all of my failures were because of you guys...
[12:24] Gin
    It's just your imagination.
[12:28] Madao
    I talk to Hatsu every now and then on the phone,
[12:31] Madao
    but the trial was the last time I saw her in person.
[12:36] Gin
    Sorry.
[12:38] Gin
    He didn't wear the suit you prepared.
[12:43] Gin
    What a stubborn bastard.
[12:46] Gin
    Or no, what a stubborn couple.
[12:50] Gin
    You're perfect for each other in those dirty clothes.
[12:54] Madao
    Hatsu...
[12:56] Judge
    I will now deliver the committee's verdict.
[12:58] Judge
    The accused, Taizo Hasegawa,
[13:02] Judge
    is found guilty.
[13:06] Judge
    Of the crime of making his wife cry.
[13:09] Judge
    Go after her right away.
[13:11] Judge
    That's your sentence.
[13:12] Madao
    Magistrate!
[13:15] Judge
    As for D.A. Haga, we shall punish him accordingly once we've learned the details.
[13:21] Judge
    The DVDs in the possession of the accused have been deemed a dangerous substance,
[13:26] Judge
    so I shall take custody of them personally.
[13:28] Madao
    Why?!
[13:29] Madao
    How badly do you want to watch those DVDs?!
[13:31] Judge
    And so, this case is closed.
[13:38] Madao
    Hatsu!
[13:39] Madao
    Wait! Hold on!
[13:41] Madao
    I need to tell you something!
[13:46] Shin
    You did it, Hasegawa-san!
[13:48] Kagura
    DORK! We'll get your compensation for you!
[13:52] Madao
    Hatsu!
[13:56] Madao
    I've made her suffer so much...
[13:59] Madao
    I want to at least buy her a present.
[14:05] Madao
    Makes you wanna laugh, right?
[14:06] Madao
    Go ahead.
[14:08] Madao
    Everything's fallen apart.
[14:11] Madao
    Thanks to the DORK Spiral, I have no job, no money... I have nothing left...
[14:18] Madao
    Still...
[14:19] Madao
    I can't back down.
[14:23] Madao
    You can go home, Gin-san.
[14:25] Madao
    I can't force you to stay here any longer.
[14:28] Madao
    But, I...
[14:29] Gin
    Go home?
[14:31] Gin
    Don't be ridiculous.
[14:33] Gin
    I'm finally getting the hang of it.
[14:36] Madao
    Gin-san...
[14:39] Gin
    We're staying to the end.
[14:41] Gin
    I'll watch your battle all the way through.
[14:51] Madao
    I won't give up.
[14:52] Madao
    As long as there's a 1% chance...
[14:55] Madao
    As long as I still have my underwear...
[14:58] Madao
    I'll break free of this DORK Spiral, for Hatsu... For our future!
[15:05] Gin
    Whether you like it or not, this is the last shot.
[15:08] Gin
    Make sure you have no regrets.
[15:09] Madao
    Gin-san...
[15:11] Gin
    Hasegawa-san...
[15:13] Both
    It's on!
[15:17] Madao
    Yes...
[15:18] Madao
    When gambling, the question is what you bet.
[15:22] Madao
    The cost varies depending on the risk.
[15:27] Madao
    The fleeting thrill of betting money and putting yourself on the line...
[15:33] Madao
    The ardor and frustration from empathizing with the horse and jockey...
[15:40] Madao
    Different people bet different things.
[15:43] Madao
    But I
[15:45] Madao
    will bet my life on this horse!
[15:49] Madao
    Everything on number 13 winning!
[15:51] Lady
    Gotcha.
[15:52] Lady
    300 yen on number 13.
[15:59] N
    Today's final race is made up of older horses with a ten million yen earnings limit.
[16:03] N
    The race will be 1800 meters on turf with all sixteen gates occupied.
[16:07] N
    The horses are entering their gates one by one without any incident.
[16:11] Madao
    I'm counting on you, Justaway...
[16:13] Madao
    I'm staking everything on your explosive speed!
[16:17] N
    Finally, Patek of Visa has entered its gate.
[16:20] N
    All horses in.
[16:21] N
    The race has begun.
[16:23] N
    A clean start.
[16:25] N
    The horses are now battling for position.
[16:27] N
    Who will have the early advantage?
[16:29] N
    In front, we have Arcade Humming.
[16:31] N
    Cheap Impact is holding its position at third.
[16:33] N
    Bono Machan is in the middle of the pack.
[16:41] Madao
    Hatsu...
[16:42] Madao
    I have a feeling I can change if I win this race...
[16:48] Madao
    Hatsu!
[16:50] N
    Arcade Humming is still in front.
[16:53] N
    The trailers are slowly cutting down on his lead.
[16:56] N
    They've just turned the third corner and are on their way to the fourth.
[16:59] Madao
    No, I have to change...
[17:03] Madao
    For Hatsu's sake, I have to win! Win and change!
[17:07] N
    They've turned the fourth corner and hit the last stretch.
[17:10] N
    Arcade Humming in front.
[17:11] N
    Cheap Impact bearing down from the outside.
[17:14] Madao
    Gin-san, you're rooting for Hatsu and me, right?
[17:18] Gin
    Go! Cheap Impact!
[17:21] N
    He's pulled ahead! It's Cheap Impact!
[17:23] Gin
    Aw, yeah!
[17:24] Madao
    Uh, wait. What are you doing, Gin-san?!
[17:27] Madao
    You said you'd watch my battle all the way through!
[17:30] Gin
    Yeah, I will.
[17:32] Gin
    But I have my own battle going on at the same time.
[17:34] Gin
    Go! All the way through!
[17:37] Madao
    That's wrong! And dishonest!
[17:38] Madao
    And you're supposed to be the main character?!
[17:40] Gin
    Exactly!
[17:41] Gin
    As the main character, I have to win my battles!
[17:44] Gin
    This was the method I arrived at!
[17:47] Gin
    Think about it.
[17:49] Gin
    You're falling down a serious DORK Spiral.
[17:52] Gin
    It didn't matter what your prediction was.
[17:54] Gin
    The result would always be another step ahead.
[17:56] Gin
    So I decided to bet
[17:59] Gin
    on your tendency to have things backfires.
[18:01] Madao
    Wh-What does that mean?
[18:03] Gin
    I bet everything on the horse you crossed out first, Cheap Impact.
[18:09] Gin
    Don't hold a grudge.
[18:10] Gin
    I'm sick of losing everything with you when we gamble together!
[18:15] Gin
    This time, I'll use you as a stepping stone
[18:19] Gin
    to become a winner!
[18:23] Madao
    Gin-san, you've forgotten one critical thing.
[18:27] Madao
    I'm not the only one who suffers from the DORK Spiral backfiring.
[18:32] Madao
    Gin-san, it's the same for you!
[18:34] Gin
    You're such a poor loser.
[18:36] Gin
    Look at how my horse is leading...
[18:39] N
    Where are the others?
[18:40] N
    Bearded Miracle is coming from the inside.
[18:41] N
    Making a run on the outside is
[18:42] N
    Justaway!
[18:43] N
    Justaway has closed the gap!
[18:45] N
    Incredible speed!
[18:46] N
    What explosive speed!
[18:48] Madao
    Here it comes!
[18:50] Gin
    What?!
[18:51] Madao
    Gin-san, this is no longer an ordinary horse race.
[18:55] Madao
    It's the DORK Cup's final match to determine if I can escape this DORK Spiral!
[19:03] Madao
    Go, Justaway!
[19:05] Madao
    Cross the line, Justaway!
[19:06] Gin
    Escape, Cheap Impact!
[19:08] Gin
    Run away from Justaway!
[19:10] N
    Cheap Impact is in front!
[19:11] N
    Cheap Impact has a three length lead.
[19:13] N
    Justaway is closing in!
[19:14] N
    200 meters to go!
[19:16] Gin
    Keep going! Keep going! Keep going! Keep going!
[19:18] Madao
    Pass him! Pass him! Pass him! Pass him!
[19:21] N
    Will it be Cheap Impact?
[19:22] N
    Or Justaway?
[19:23] N
    Cheap Impact or Justaway?
[19:24] N
    They're neck and neck!
[19:25] N
    An epic match!
[19:26] Madao
    Please! Please! Please! Please!
[19:31] N
    Cheap Impact?!
[19:32] N
    Justaway?!
[19:33] N
    Cheap Impact or Justaway?!
[19:51] N
    Cheap Impact?! Justaway?!
[19:53] N
    Cheap Impact or Justaway?!
[20:01] N
    Cheap Impact?! Justaway?!
[20:03] N
    Cheap Impact?! Justaway?!
[20:04] N
    Justaway breaks ahead and they cross the finish line!
[20:08] N
    Justaway has won!
[20:22] Madao
    H-Here it comes...
[20:24] Madao
    Finally, it's come...
[20:28] Gin
    Man! I can't take this anymore!
[20:29] Gin
    Damn it! Damn it! I demand a do over!
[20:33] Madao
    I did it...
[20:34] Madao
    I did it, Gin-san...
[20:36] Madao
    I've finally escaped the DORK Spiral...
[20:41] Madao
    I can finally graduate from being DORK...
[20:48] Gin
    Isn't that nice?
[20:52] Madao
    Hatsu...
[20:54] Madao
    Now I can go see you with my head held high...
[20:58] N
    A deliberation is being held regarding the fourth corner of Oedo Horse Race number 12.
[21:08] N
    The result of the deliberation is that Justaway went outside the boundary
[21:12] N
    at the fourth corner, blocking Bono Machan's path, and will be disqualified.
[21:16] N
    Justaway went outside the boundary at the fourth corner...
[21:18] Madao
    Wh-What was that?
[21:20] Madao
    I couldn't hear what he said.
[21:21] Madao
    What does it say on the screen?
[21:22] Madao
    My eyes are all teared up, so I can't see clearly.
[21:25] Gin
    Which means...
[21:29] Gin
    My ticket won!
[21:32] Gin
    What the hell is this?!
[21:34] Gin
    What did I do to deserve this?
[21:35] Gin
    Why did this have to happen?!
[21:37] Gin
    Why me?! Why?!
[21:40] Gin
    Hasegawa-san, what is this?!
SIGN    [Suicide Note]
[21:49] Gin
    Hasegawa-san!
SIGN    [Always remembered...]
[23:46] Madao
    I'm not dead!
[23:47] Madao
    It's a gag anime, so I can't die!
[23:50] Madao
    God...
[23:51] Madao
    The staff is made up of a bunch of heartless bastards
[23:53] Madao
    who kill somebody off because they can't come up with a punch line!
[23:55] Madao
    Weren't you ever taught that crickets and worms
[23:57] Madao
    are still living creatures so you just treat them with care?!
SIGN    [Always remembered...]
[23:59] Madao
    Hey! Give it up already!
SIGN    [The End]
SIGN    
[24:05] Gin
    What? It's okay for me to bitch a bit?
[24:07] Gin
    Well, after three years, I've got a whole list of stuff to bitch about.
[24:10] Gin
    Even if I'm the main character of a JUMP series, I've got plenty of stuff to unload.
[24:13] Gin
    Actually, on second thought, I'm bitching all the time, so once you tell me to bitch,
[24:15] Gin
    I can't really think of anything.
SIGN    ["It Takes a Bit of Courage to Enter a Street Vendor's Stand"]
[24:17] Gin
    Hell, am I the only main character who bitches all the time?
SIGN    [And the name of that stand is "Guchiriya."]
SIGN    [Let's go vent all those pent-up complaints we've been saving every day.]
SIGN    [See you next time.]