E335 - The Super Sadist and the Super Sadist

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:15] Oki
    Show yourself.
[00:17] Oki
    There's no point in hiding.
[00:21] Oki
    Mine's howling, too.
[00:42] Oki
    Senbe the Manslayer.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    The Super Sadist and the Super Sadist
SIGN    Smithy
SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!
[02:29] Tet
    There. All done.
[02:31] Kag
    You finished reforging?
[02:33] Shin
    The reborn Kusanagi-san is finally complete?
[02:37] Tet
    Yeah. I'm glad I somehow finished
    in time for the battle tomorrow.
[02:42] Tet
    As a smith, I've done everything I can.
[02:45] Tet
    Now, depending on his wielder, he can
    become an incredible sword or a blunt one.
[02:50] Tet
    Gin-san,
[02:51] Tet
    the rest is up to you.
[02:59] Kus
    Uh, ya haven't finished at all!
[03:01] Kus
    Talk about hasty patchwork!
[03:03] Kus
    What was all that clangin' I heard
    earlier? This ain't the work of a smith!
[03:07] Kus
    It's a DIY disaster!
[03:09] Gin
    Great job, Tetsuko.
[03:11] Gin
    He was so blunt before, but now
    his retorts are razor sharp.
[03:14] Kus
    Yer impressed with that?
    Why make me so tiny?!
[03:18] Kus
    I can't even fit in Scabberina
    like this, let alone win the duel!
[03:22] Kus
    It'd be so loose! She'd think I'm impotent!
[03:24] Gin
    Quit nitpicking.
[03:26] Gin
    Even if you hadn't broken here,
    you were already broken inside.
[03:30] Gin
    Besides, your wife was always a loose
    sut anyway. You're a perfect fit.
[03:34] Kus
    Who're ya callin' a sut?!
[03:36] Tet
    S-Sorry. I did what I could, but...
[03:40] Gin
    Don't worry, Tetsuko.
[03:43] Gin
    You already granted my wish
    to get this guy outta my ass.
[03:46] Gin
    An impotent sword like this would lose
    even before getting to the love hotel,
[03:50] Gin
    so we've gotta boycott the duel...
[03:52] Kus
    Not on my watch.
[03:55] Gin
    D-Damn you...
[03:56] Gin
    You can remotely control your broken bits?!
[04:01] Kus
    Ya just wanted ta get me outta ya, eh?
[04:04] Kus
    That ain't gonna fly.
[04:06] Kus
    Take responsibility for turnin' me
    inta this and win that duel tomorrow!
[04:09] Gin
    Screw you!
[04:11] Gin
    How am I supposed to fight with
    an impotent sword like you?
[04:14] Kus
    Shaddup!
[04:15] Kus
    Length doesn't make a man! Speed does!
[04:17] Gin
    You finish quick, too? Damn,
    there's nothing good about you!
[04:20] Kag
    Don't worry, Gin-chan. It's not length
    or speed that makes a man.
[04:24] Kag
    It's how many rounds he can fight!
[04:26] Kag
    To boost your regenerative ability,
[04:28] Kag
    stick your sword in burned sand and iced
    water alternatively in this special drill!
[04:32] Shin
    What sword are you drilling?!
[04:35] Shin
    What now, Tetsuko-san?
[04:37] Tet
    It'll be hard for him to
    be a longsword again.
[04:39] Tet
    Even if I want to reforge him as a short one,
    I don't know if his body can take it.
[04:45] Tet
    Part of the reason he broke was that
    his blade had grown weak with age.
[04:50] Tet
    But it seems an old wound played a part, too.
[04:54] Shin
    An old wound?
[04:55] Tet
    Kusanagi...
[04:57] Tet
    That's why you've become so blunt, right?
[05:02] Kus
    I really can't hide anythin'
    from ya, eh, Tetsuko-han?
[05:06] Kus
    The truth is...
[05:09] Kus
    I already fought ta take Scabberina
    back once a long time ago.
[05:16] Gin
    What's with that woman?
[05:18] Gin
    She'd gotten it on with some other sword
    in the past, too? Shameless hussy, much?
[05:22] Kus
    Take that back!
[05:23] Kus
    That ain't it. That ain't it at all.
[05:26] Kus
    Scabberina wasn't originally
    my scabbard. She was his.
[05:31] Kus
    In other words, she and I are... uh...
[05:34] Shin
    You were the one who stole her originally?!
[05:37] Kus
    Anyone'd assume that.
    Maybe this is all karma.
[05:43] Kus
    But back then, I just
    couldn't leave her alone.
[05:49] ---
    Her husband was a masterpiece
    known ta all on Planet Excalibur:
[05:54] ---
    the cursed sword, Maganagi.
[05:56] ---
    A mad sword whose name made others run
    with their blades between their legs.
[06:00] ---
    He wasn't feared 'cause of his sharpness
    alone, but also for his savagery.
[06:09] ---
    We excaliburlings do our work by being
    used as bloodsucking biological weapons.
[06:15] ---
    But Maganagi is worse.
[06:19] ---
    His staple food is swords, meaning...
[06:23] ---
    He's a cannibal.
[06:26] ---
    He maintained his absurd sharpness
    by suckin' the energy of his own.
[06:32] ---
    All the scabbards chosen ta
    house him met with tragic ends.
[06:37] ---
    Each and every day, they had their
    energy sucked out and were left ta rot.
[06:42] ---
    And once they ran out, they were dumped.
[06:45] ---
    Ta him, Scabberina may have just been
    his latest of hundreds of scabbards,
[06:50] ---
    but ta me, she was an irreplaceable,
    dear childhood friend.
[06:55] ---
    I just couldn't sit there and watch her cry,
[07:01] ---
    even if it meant goin' up against
    the cursed sword Maganagi.
[07:06] Tet
    Oh, is that when you got that wound?
[07:09] Kus
    I couldn't beat him, of course,
[07:11] Kus
    but I barely managed ta survive
    and take Scabberina back.
[07:15] Kus
    We came ta Earth ta get away from him, too.
[07:20] Kus
    I never thought things would end up this way.
[07:23] Kus
    What's worse, even Maganagi's...
[07:25] Gin
    Maganagi's what? What're you talking about?
[07:28] Kus
    Ya guys saw him, too...
[07:30] Kus
    That ominous form of his.
[07:35] Oki
    Never expected you to
     have one of those, too.
[07:38] Sen
    You took the words right out of my mouth.
[07:41] Sen
    I'm in luck today.
[07:43] Sen
    After I spent years and years
    looking for those two,
[07:46] Sen
    I found them both in one day.
[07:51] Sen
    I was planning to devour him first,
[07:56] Sen
    but whatever.
[07:59] Sen
    If I grab what you've got there,
    he'll come to me himself.
[08:05] Oki
    Not sure what you're talking about,
    but it seems my Scarlett is pretty popular.
[08:11] Oki
    And I was having trouble sleeping because
    my blood's been itching for action.
[08:15] Oki
    You won't exactly make for a
    great warm-up before the boss,
[08:22] Oki
    but I hope you'll at least be
    a light appetizer, Senbe-san.
[08:28] Sen
    Senbe? Who the heck is that?
[08:34] Gin
    Wait, was it the sword that guy
    was carrying this afternoon?
[08:37] Kus
    No doubt about it.
[08:39] Kus
    I'm sure he noticed me, too.
[08:42] Kus
    It's only a matter of time before
    he also locates Scabberina.
[08:45] Kus
    This is no time ta be
    worryin' about old wounds.
[08:48] Gin
    He may be a terrifying sword or whatever,
[08:52] Gin
    but whether he's harmful
    is up to his wielder, no?
[08:54] Kus
    Normally, yeah.
[08:56] Kus
    But not with him.
[08:58] Kus
    Unlike me, he doesn't stick himself inta
    filthy asses and get cozy with his wielder.
[09:03] Mag
    Don't misunderstand.
[09:06] Mag
    I'm not Senbe or whatever.
[09:11] Mag
    My name is...
[09:18] Mag
    Maganagi.
[09:21] Mag
    Cursed Sword Maganagi!
[09:24] Kus
    His wielder's body is
    nothin' but a tool to him.
[09:28] Kus
    He wields himself.
[09:30] Kus
    Maganagi's blade doesn't
    pierce any filthy asses.
[09:36] Kus
    It pierces people's very souls
    and makes them his own!
[09:43] Mag
    Huh?
[09:49] Oki
    Sorry, Senbe-san.
[09:50] Oki
    I forgot Rakugo Masters was
    airing today. I'll just go home.
[09:55] Mag
    What?!
[09:55] Oki
    Jeez, why do all rakugo programs
    air late nights or early mornings?
[09:56] Mag
    Wait a second. We dragged this out
    from last week, so what's this?
[09:59] Mag
    I acted all cool, and this is how it ends?
[10:02] Mag
    And what's with that guy?
[10:05] Mag
    He took me, Maganagi,
    out with just one swing!
[10:08] Mag
    W-Wait, Okita Sogo.
[10:12] Mag
    Hey, forget about rakugo for now!
[10:14] Mag
    If you want Rakugo Masters,
    I've got it on DVD!
[10:17] Mag
    Listen to me for a second!
[10:18] Mag
    Hey, wait!
SIGN    World Clash Tournament Venue
[10:31] Kon
    Odd Jobs sure is late.
SIGN    World Clash Tournament Venue
[10:34] Kon
    Please don't tell me he got cold feet.
[10:37] Ymz
    You know that's never
    happening with the boss.
[10:40] Ymz
    Probably hasn't gotten that
    sword out of his ass yet.
[10:42] Kon
    Oh, I don't see Sogo or Toshi, either.
[10:45] Kon
    What's going on here? Are we
    the only ones up for this?
[10:48] Ymz
    Captain Okita has been gone since yesterday.
[10:51] Ymz
    Vice Chief heard this morning that Senbe
    the Manslayer was passed out on the street,
[10:55] Ymz
    so he went to check that out.
[10:56] Kon
    Senbe was what?
[10:58] Ymz
    Arresting him was well and good,
    but he's been acting strange.
[11:01] G
    Oh, he's here!
[11:03] Kon
    There you are. Looks like
    your bum sword is usable now.
[11:10] Gin
    My bum sword?
[11:11] Gin
    Oh, you mean this Alienslayer?
[11:14] Kon
    Lies!
[11:16] Gin
    Huh? What do you mean?
[11:17] Kon
    Don't give me that! There's no way that
    massive thing was stuck in your ass!
[11:21] Gin
    Quit harping. The part that was
    inside was actually this big.
[11:25] Kon
    You're the one harping! This duel will
    decide which sword deserves the scabbard!
[11:29] Kon
    You made the rules!
SIGN    It was far too large to be called
    a sword stuck in my ass.
[11:32] Gin
    It was far too large to be called
    a sword stuck in my ass.
[11:37] Gin
    It was a far too large, thick, heavy,
SIGN    It was a far too large, thick, heavy,
    and much too crude a lie.
[11:40] Gin
    and much too crude a lie.
[11:42] Kon
    Don't use Berserk's narration
    to announce your regrets!
[11:45] Gin
    You're such a nag.
[11:46] Gin
    I have the one that was stuck in
    my ass right here as a short sword.
[11:50] Gin
    Samurai always carried two swords, anyway.
[11:54] Gin
    Let me at least act like a samurai
    during a real-sword fight.
[11:57] Kon
    Spouting BS like that is
    completely unlike a samurai!
[11:59] Tet
    Gin-san...
[12:00] Tet
    That's really not going to work.
[12:03] Kag
    This is much better.
[12:05] Kon
    That's not the issue here!
[12:06] Kon
    All you did was switch from Berserk to FF!
[12:09] Gin
    Not interested.
[12:11] Gin
    It was far too advanced
    to be called FF anymore.
SIGN    It was far too advanced
    to be called FF anymore.
[12:15] Gin
    I liked the fantasies like 3 and 4 better.
SIGN    I liked the fantasies like 3 and 4 better.
[12:19] Kon
    What're you even on about?!
[12:20] Oki
    Now, now. Let him do as he pleases.
[12:24] ---
    Sogo!
[12:25] Oki
    If we're gonna fight to the death,
[12:27] Oki
    going all-out with our weapons
    of choice would be more fun.
[12:32] Oki
    Right, boss?
[12:35] Gin
    Lucky! We made it through somehow.
[12:37] Kus
    This could work! This might just work!
[12:40] Oki
    Besides...
[12:42] Oki
    I found myself a new weapon too, actually.
[12:48] Oki
    Right, Senbe-san?
[12:49] Mag
    L-Look, I'm not Senbe.
[12:51] Mag
    I'm telling you I'm Cursed
    Sword Maganagi, sir.
SIGN    Edo Hospital
[13:02] Hij
    Senbe.
[13:04] Hij
    Hey, Senbe.
[13:07] G
    He's been like this ever since
    he regained consciousness.
[13:10] G
    Could it be his wound?
[13:12] Hij
    It didn't reach his brain.
[13:15] Hij
    Somebody spotted a Shinsengumi
    member fighting him last night.
[13:21] Hij
    One thrust was apparently all it took.
[13:23] Hij
    He defeated Senbe the
    Manslayer with one strike.
[13:25] Hij
    And he barely kept him alive
    by the skin of his teeth.
[13:30] Hij
    It could only have been one guy.
[13:35] G
    Captain Okita?
[13:36] G
    So that total sadist terrorized
    him into this state.
[13:40] Hij
    Nah. The way I see it, this guy
    wasn't broken anytime recently.
[13:45] G
    Are you saying he went around
    slaying people in this state?
[13:50] Hij
    Probably not.
[13:53] Hij
    That means this guy wasn't
    Senbe the Manslayer.
[13:57] G
    But Vice Chief, he's definitely...
[13:59] Hij
    Oh, he's Senbe, all right.
[14:02] Hij
    But he probably wasn't
    the one slaying people.
[14:06] Hij
    Where's his weapon?
[14:08] Hij
    The sword he was carrying.
[14:10] G
    Oh, we actually haven't found it yet.
[14:15] G
    Senbe? What's wrong?!
[14:17] Sen
    N-No! I don't want to be consumed anymore!
[14:22] G
    Calm down, Senbe!
[14:24] Sen
    It's that guy's turn to be consumed now.
[14:28] Sen
    He'll become the manslayer now!
[14:32] G
    Vice Chief?!
[14:34] Hij
    My bad feeling was on the mark.
[14:36] Hij
    Anybody else would laugh it off,
[14:39] Hij
    but I know how terrifying swords can be.
[14:42] Hij
    Because I experienced the
    curse of the Muramasha.
[14:46] Hij
    That man wasn't Senbe the Manslayer.
[14:48] Hij
    It was his sword!
[14:52] Hij
    This is bad news.
[14:53] Hij
    That thing is likely in the hands of
    someone far more terrifying than Senbe!
[14:59] Hij
    If he got his hands on that cursed sword,
[15:02] Hij
    then forget manslayer, he'd become
    a world-conquering overlord!
[15:07] Shin
    I-Is that...
[15:09] Shin
    Could that sword be...
[15:11] Shin
    Maganagi!
[15:14] Shin
    It's Cursed Sword Maganagi!
[15:18] Kus
    Why? Why does that bro have Maganagi?!
[15:22] Oki
    I happened to acquire it last night.
[15:25] Oki
    It insisted on becoming my sword of choice.
[15:28] Oki
    Having only my scabbard be from Excalibur
    didn't sit right with me, anyway.
[15:33] Oki
    Three excaliburlings on Earth.
    In Edo alone, no less.
[15:37] Oki
    This must be fate at work.
[15:40] Mag
    Indeed.
[15:42] Mag
    Who would've thought I'd find the
    two I was looking for right here?
[15:46] Mag
    Don't you agree, Kusanagi?
[15:49] Mag
    I hear this is a duel over a scabbard?
[15:55] Mag
    This is fate, Kusanagi.
[15:58] Mag
    The moment you tricked me,
    your fates were sealed!
[16:03] Mag
    Die and return to the earth.
[16:10] Oki
    Hey, lady, your dog pooped.
[16:13] Oki
    Don't you know an owner is supposed
    to clean up after their pet?
[16:16] W
    Oh, I'm so sorry!
[16:19] Mag
    What are you doing?!
[16:20] Mag
    Do you really think you can stab
    crap like this with a cursed sword?!
[16:24] Oki
    Quit complaining.
[16:27] Oki
    I don't mind making this
    your scabbard, you know.
[16:31] Oki
    You can be an excaliturd.
[16:33] Oki
    This duel isn't between you swords.
[16:35] Oki
    It's between the boss and me
    to decide who is stronger.
[16:39] Mag
    Y-You don't have to be so cruel.
[16:41] Mag
    Didn't we promise to do
    our best together, Master?
[16:44] Mag
    A sword like me and a wielder like
    you would be invincible together.
[16:48] Mag
    We could conquer the world...
[16:51] Oki
    Boss, what say we clean this
    place up before we duel?
[16:55] Mag
    There's dog poop everywhere.
[16:55] Mag
    I'm sorry, Master! I'll keep my
    mouth shut, so please spare me!
[16:59] Kus
    I-I don't believe it.
[17:01] Kus
    That cursed sword is
    totally under his control.
[17:04] Kus
    Just how scary a guy is that bro?
[17:07] Gin
    Looks like the one sword
    we really wanted to avoid
[17:11] Gin
    showed up in the hands of the
    one guy who shouldn't wield it.
[17:15] Kus
    This is awful!
SIGN    World Clash Tournament Venue
[17:17] Kus
    I was hopin' I could figure something
    out before fightin' him...
[17:20] Kus
    If we lose this duel, both
    Scabberina and I are done for!
[17:24] Gin
    This is fine, really.
[17:27] Gin
    In real-sword fights, the one
    who clings to hope loses.
[17:30] Gin
    Hope isn't something you'll
    find lying ahead in your path.
[17:35] Gin
    You'll find it hanging from the ass
    of the guys who live in the moment.
[17:42] Gin
    It's basically a goldfish turd.
[17:46] Gin
    Right now, having a blade stuck
    in my ass would be perfect.
[17:51] Oki
    What, that thing was all for show?
    That's just your usual wooden sword.
[17:55] Oki
    Well, whatever. If that's how you wanna play,
[17:58] Oki
    I'll stop thinking about a future
    where I sheathe my sword.
[18:04] Oki
    Until that goldfish turd of yours
    hangs from the tip of my sword,
[18:09] Oki
    it will remain drawn!
[18:11] Kon
    But it already is! You'll cause
    a mess if you sheathe it!
[18:15] Gin
    Bring it on. Let's see
    whose turd will hang first.
[18:20] Kus
    Why're you swingin' turds around, too?!
[18:28] Bo
    Let's fight fair and square!
[18:37] Shin
    What the hell are you two doing?!
[18:40] Shin
    They started picking up poop!
[18:44] Kus
    W-Wait...
[18:45] Shin
    What's going on here?
    What are they competing over?
[18:46] Shin
    Is this how this duel was supposed to go?
[18:48] Mag
    Wait, stop! I can't breathe!
[18:52] Shin
    Your swords are the only ones suffering!
[18:54] Shin
    What's wrong with you sadists?!
[18:57] Bo
    Eat this!
[18:59] Shin
    Eat this, my ass! What are you, cavemen?!
[19:07] Shin
    They're using amazing moves!
[19:08] Shin
    They're both going insane!
[19:11] Shin
    But why poop?!
[19:20] Oki
    In the poop's shadow?
[19:22] Oki
    But this is also...
[19:25] Oki
    a feint!
[19:28] Gin
    Not there.
[19:30] Gin
    Over here.
[19:34] Oki
    Not there.
[19:36] Oki
    Over here.
[19:38] Gin
    Not here. There.
[19:40] Oki
    Not there. There.
[19:42] Gin
    Not there. Manure.
[19:44] Shin
    Why are you having a high-level
    back and forth with poop?!
[19:47] Shin
    And just how much poop is
    on this riverbank, anyway?
[19:50] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[19:52] Kag
    Just wait! I'll provide
    covering fire for you!
[19:54] Shin
    That's not covering! That's just dumping!
[19:57] Oki
    You really are fun, boss.
[19:59] Oki
    Your technique's all over the place.
[20:01] Oki
    There's no way to tell
    where you'll attack from.
[20:04] Shin
    Hey! The camera's focusing
    on the wrong thing!
[20:07] Gin
    You won't look so relaxed for too long.
[20:10] Gin
    I can't wait to see what your face
    will look like in the next cut.
[20:13] Shin
    It looks like something ridiculous already!
[20:15] Shin
    Totally looks like two turds
    having a conversation!
[20:17] Kon
    Th-This is an outrageous duel.
[20:20] Kon
    I never expected it to get so heated.
[20:22] Shin
    You're more outrageous right now!
[20:26] Kag
    You've got poop on your head, Gorilla!
[20:28] Kag
    Barrier! Barrier!
[20:30] Kon
    I had my barrier up, too!
[20:32] Shin
    You're all covered in shit!
[20:35] Shin
    Knock it off already.
[20:36] Shin
    The screen's been filled
    with nothing but poop!
[20:40] Shin
    Wait, who put my glasses on poop?!
[20:49] Kus
    Insane.
[20:52] Kus
    Gintoki-han is insane.
[20:56] Kus
    He's fightin' that cursed sword
    Maganagi on equal footin'.
[21:00] Mag
    I was right.
[21:04] Mag
    This guy is on a whole
    different level than Senbe.
[21:08] Mag
    At last...
[21:10] Mag
    At last, I found it.
[21:12] Mag
    A vessel befitting me, Maganagi.
[21:16] Mag
    Kusanagi.
[21:18] Mag
    The man you found is a
    special talent himself.
[21:21] Mag
    However!
[21:30] Mag
    Even if the vessels are equal,
[21:37] Mag
    their swords are like night and day!
[21:46] Kon
    H—
[21:47] Kon
    His sword vanished?!
[21:51] Oki
    Nothing vanished.
[21:54] Oki
    They're right here in my belly.
[22:00] Oki
    Both your sword
[22:03] Oki
    and this man.
SIGN    Preview
[23:40] Kus
    This is awful! Maganagi took over that bro!
[23:43] Kus
    I-It's all over!
[23:45] Gin
    Don't give up, Kusanagi!
[23:46] Kus
    But Kudo—I mean, Gintoki-han!
[23:49] Gin
    You still have my blood
    and my scabbard, foo'.
SIGN    The Strongest Sword, and the Dullest Ass
SIGN    We're really sorry if you were watching while having dinner.
SIGN    The Gintoki vs. Okita & Swords story ends next week!
SIGN    The next C*nan Hint is...
SIGN    "Subtly Off-Color."