E113 - “Cleaning the Toilet Cleanses the Soul”
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:07] Tama (N)
Robot maid,
SIGN [Note: Parody of Masked Rider V3.]
[00:08] Tama (N)
Tama 3!
SIGN [Robot Maid Tama 3]
[00:17] Tama (N)
Robot maid Tama is the mechanical
doll of your dreams.
[00:20] Tama (N)
She was destroyed in the coup d'etat incident
brought on by the Fuyo Project,
[00:24] Tama (N)
but underwent three reconstructions at
the hands of Gengai of the Odd Jobs
[00:27] ---
family to be reborn as a new
robot maid version 3!
[00:33] Teacher/Children
Make fists, open them
up, clap your hands...
[00:45] Tama
Stop right there.
[00:47] Monster
You people are...!
[00:51] Tama
Transform! Tama 3!
SIGN [Note: Tama's pose is from Masked Rider V3]
[00:55] Shinpachi/Kagura
Transform!
SIGN [Note: Kagura and Shinpachi are posing as the first and second Masked Rider.]
[00:58] ---
Go!
[01:04] ---
Tama 3!
[01:17] Tama
Tama 3!
[01:20] ---
Monster who threatens peace!
Prepare to meet your end!
[01:24] Monster
I shall finish you instead!
[01:26] Gintoki
Wait! Wait! Wait!
[01:28] Gintoki
Hold it right there.
[01:30] Gintoki
What're you doing here?!
[01:34] Gintoki
How many times are you going
to make me say this?!
[01:36] Gintoki
Regardless of how much
you want to help people,
[01:37] Gintoki
you don't have to go around protecting world
peace each and every time you get a day off!
[01:41] Gintoki
That goes for you guys, too!
[01:43] Shinpachi
Ouch!
[01:44] Kagura
We did a cool transformation,
so we're okay!!
[01:46] Young Man
So this is where you were, Monster!
[01:49] Monster
You!
[01:49] Young Man
I'm coming for you! Ginbat!
SIGN I'll leave it in your hands, Kapu.
SIGN [Note: Parody of Kibatto from Masked Rider Kiba. He and Gintoki share the same voice actor.]
[01:54] Monster
Muuaaahhh! I'll crush you all!
[02:01] Kagura
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Gin-chan, is it okay for that hero to fight?
SIGN [What's wrong with having all sorts of heroes?!]
SIGN [What audience is GinTama made for? We're reflecting on that even now.]
SIGN [We were scolded last week. So this week, we're cleaning toilets as an apology.]
SIGN [Also, there's a new ending today. Please watch the show to the very end, okay?]
SIGN [Shinsengumi Headquarters]
[03:59] Hijikata
Here is this week's cleanup duty roster.
[04:03] Hijikata
Squad 3: dojo. Squad 2: kitchen.
Squad 5: patrol cars. Squad 1...
[04:10] Hijikata
toilets...
SIGN [Toilets]
[04:16] Squadmember B
Gross...I feel sick.
[04:20] ---
We're going to spend the next
week with these filthy toilets.
[04:24] ---
I feel depressed.
[04:25] Squadmember B
It splashed on my face!
[04:27] Squadmember D
Let's call it a day and
get back to our jobs.
[04:29] Seizo
That wouldn't be right.
[04:32] Seizo
What do you people think cleaning is?
[04:35] Seizo
Have you heard this story?
[04:38] ---
When the graffiti-covered subways in
a crime-filled city were cleaned up,
[04:43] ---
the vandals who did the graffiti disappeared
and crime decreased.
[04:50] Seizo
Don't you see?
[04:52] Seizo
Filthy surroundings soil the soul.
[04:55] Seizo
A healthy soul is nurtured
by healthy surroundings.
[05:00] Seizo
Keeping our surroundings clean...
[05:02] Seizo
This is also a part of the
Shinsengumi's job.
[05:05] Squadmember F
Seizo-san...
[05:06] Squadmember C
Seizo?
[05:08] Squadmember B
Seizo Kumanaku. He joined Squad 1 during
the recent reorganization of squads.
SIGN [Note: Seizo Kumanaku is a play on "kumanaku seiso" which means to completely clean something.]
[05:12] Squadmember A
He's well known for his
extreme fastidiousness.
[05:16] Seizo
Listen, everyone.
[05:18] Seizo
Clean until you'd be willing
to lick the urinal.
[05:21] Seizo
Make it your responsibility
to clean your urinal.
[05:24] Seizo
Okay. One, two.
[05:26] Seizo
One, two.
[05:28] Seizo
How does it feel?
[05:29] Seizo
Don't you feel your soul becoming cleaner
as the filth washes away from the urinal?
[05:34] Seizo
That's right. Cleaning is an
act that polishes your soul.
[05:37] Okita
You're right. It's as though
my soul is being cleansed.
[05:41] Okita
One, two. One, two. Cleaning
is a lot of fun, Seizo-san.
[05:49] Seizo
Captain, what are you doing?
[05:52] Okita
Well, there was a booger
on your forehead.
[05:55] Seizo
That's a mole.
[05:56] Okita
But I got if off.
[05:57] Seizo
What have you done?!
[05:59] Okita
That was a mole? Sorry about that.
[06:03] Seizo
Why'd you flush it down?!
[06:05] Seizo
My mole...
[06:08] Squadmember A
Hey, now's our chance...
[06:10] Seizo
Just a minute! You haven't
finished cleaning!
[06:13] Seizo
Wait...
[06:16] Okita
Oh, they're gone.
[06:18] Okita
They're hopeless.
[06:20] Okita
What're you going to do?
Shall we leave, too?
[06:25] Seizo
Captain, even though only men live here,
these conditions are abhorrent.
[06:30] ---
No one tries to keep the
urinals clean when they use them.
[06:32] Seizo
No one tries to clean the toilets.
[06:35] Seizo
They dribble urine outside the urinals as
though that's how it's supposed to be.
[06:38] Seizo
They don't wash their hands.
[06:41] Seizo
They walk about headquarters
covered with germs and
[06:44] Seizo
touch everything with their
germ-covered hands.
[06:48] Seizo
The germs are transmitted
from person to person
[06:49] Seizo
and from objects to people,
and multiply...
[06:52] Seizo
This headquarters is
a germ-infested den.
[06:57] Seizo
The stagnation caused by the germs
[06:59] Seizo
will eventually cloud the soul
of the Shinsengumi.
[07:03] Seizo
A revolution is needed.
[07:05] Seizo
The Shinsengumi must change, starting
here at its source: the toilets.
[07:10] Seizo
That's right...
[07:11] Seizo
A toilet revolution!
SIGN ["Cleaning the Toilet Cleanses the Soul"]
[07:21] Hijikata
Huh?
[07:22] Hijikata
You want new toilets?
[07:25] Okita
Yes. It's a suggestion by my squad
member, Seizo Kumanaku.
[07:30] Okita
He requests that we at least
change the faucets
[07:31] Okita
from handle-type to sensor-type.
[07:35] Hijikata
We don't have the funds or the time
to spend on such useless projects.
[07:39] Hijikata
If you have free time to
spend cleaning toilets,
[07:41] Hijikata
spend it cleaning the Anti-Foreigner
Faction in the city.
[07:44] Seizo
Begging the Vice-Chief's pardon,
[07:46] Seizo
but do you wash your hands
after doing your business?
[07:50] Hijikata
Huh? Yeah, I wash them.
[07:52] Seizo
Then let me ask you: why
do you wash your hands?
[07:54] Seizo
Why do your hands become dirty
when you do your business?
[07:58] Hijikata
You know damn well-I don't
feel right unless I wash them.
[08:01] Seizo
Don't try to hide it.
[08:03] Seizo
To be more precise,
[08:04] Seizo
it's because you touched something
that is certainly filthy, isn't that right?
[08:06] Seizo
What is it? What did you touch?
What is it that's filthy?
[08:11] Hijikata
Well it's...
[08:13] Hijikata
you know...that.
[08:14] Seizo
That's right
[08:15] Seizo
No matter how a man does it,
[08:17] Seizo
he has to touch that filthy something that
[08:19] Seizo
hangs between his legs when
he does his business!
[08:21] Seizo
In other words,
[08:22] Seizo
the act of washing one's hands
after doing one's business
[08:24] Seizo
is a way of resetting oneself
after touching that thing.
[08:26] Seizo
It is an important rite of purification
for going on with one's life!
[08:30] Seizo
However!
[08:31] Seizo
Are you aware that here at the
Shinsengumi Headquarters,
[08:33] Seizo
people think they're performing this
rite when in fact, they are not?!
[08:38] Seizo
All right.
[08:39] Seizo
Let's call the germs that
get on your hands
[08:42] Seizo
when you touch your thing, tamakin!
SIGN [Note: Tama (balls) + kin (germ).]
[08:44] Seizo
You do your business. And your
hands are covered with tamakin.
[08:48] Hijikata
Hey, cut it out. Don't use
me as an example.
[08:52] Seizo
You're going to wash your
tamakin-covered hands,
[08:54] Seizo
so you turn the handle on the faucet.
You wash off the tamakin.
[09:00] Seizo
Indeed, your hands are clean
at this point.
[09:03] Seizo
However! However! Take a step back
and think about it.
[09:07] Seizo
Okay? What did you do just now to
wash off the tamakin, Vice-Chief?
[09:11] Hijikata
Hey, you're getting a little too friendly.
[09:14] Seizo
That's right!
[09:15] ---
To turn on the water,
[09:16] ---
you turned the handle of the faucet
with your tamakin-covered hand!
[09:18] ---
Of course, a large number of tamakin
are now on the faucet!
[09:21] Seizo
Then, after washing off the tamakin,
Vice-Chief, what did you do?!
[09:23] Seizo
What did you do with those clean hands?
[09:26] Seizo
You turned the tamakin-covered handle
once more to turn off the water!
[09:31] Seizo
Vice-Chief, ultimately, you've
helped spread the tamakin!
[09:36] Hijikata
Don't make it sound so bad!
[09:38] Hijikata
Why're you making it sound as though
I'm the only one who does it?!
[09:40] Hijikata
If that's the case,
[09:40] Hijikata
then all of you who use that faucet
are covered with tamakin, as well!
[09:44] Okita
Too bad, Hijikata-san.
[09:46] Okita
I don't wash my hands after
doing my business.
[09:49] Okita
I just leave the toilet.
[09:50] Hijikata
You're directly spreading the tamakin!
[09:53] Seizo
Vice-Chief, do you understand now?
[09:56] Seizo
The way things are, the Shinsengumi
is covered with tamakin.
[09:59] Seizo
The only way to break through
this situation is to change
[10:01] Seizo
the faucets from handle-type
to sensor-type.
[10:05] Hijikata
You think too much. You can't go about
your life if you worry about germs.
[10:11] Hijikata
Utterly ridiculous!
[10:13] Yamazaki
Vice-Chief.
[10:15] Yamazaki
We're grilling corn on the cob.
Would you like to join us?
[10:24] ---
What the-!!
[10:30] Hijikata
What is that?!
[10:31] Seizo
Did you see it, Vice-Chief?
[10:34] Seizo
Tamakin...
[10:36] Hijikata
Tamakin?! You mean that?!
[10:41] Hijikata
That can't be...it's everywhere...
[10:44] Hijikata
It's...
[10:46] Kondo
Hey, Toshi. What're you doing?
[10:48] Kondo
C'mon, let's eat. Sogo, Seizo-san,
you guys want to join us?
[10:54] Hijikata
Hey! Kondo-san...Kondo-san's covered
in an enormous amount of tamakin!
[10:58] Seizo
It's probably because he touches
his thing an awful lot.
[11:01] Seizo
The eggs have completely hatched.
[11:03] Seizo
That's no longer Kondo-san. He's nothing
but a walking, talking tamakin.
[11:08] Hijikata
How can we bring him back to normal?
[11:11] Seizo
A toilet revolution...it's the only way.
SIGN [Toilets]
[11:16] Seizo
That settles the installation
of sensor-type faucets.
[11:18] Seizo
However, there remains
a mountain of problems.
[11:21] Seizo
Look at this. We just cleaned it moments
ago, but look how bad it is.
[11:25] Seizo
I can understand a few stray drops,
but this completely missed the mark.
[11:29] Hijikata
Seeing it again, it certainly
does look terrible.
[11:31] Seizo
It's probably the result of
using the toilet together.
[11:34] Seizo
When people go to the toilet in a group,
[11:35] Seizo
they talk and laugh and tend
to forget about what's below,
[11:38] Seizo
causing urine to fly in all directions.
[11:41] Seizo
Our first priority will be to establish
a "no group urination" rule.
[11:44] Hijikata
Leave that to me. I'll add it to our rules.
[11:46] Seizo
However, even a single person
is still cause for worry.
[11:50] Hijikata
I've got it!
[11:51] Hijikata
What if we soil the urinal
before they use it?
[11:55] Hijikata
Think about how you urinate
in a Western-style toilet.
[11:58] Hijikata
If there's something stuck to the bowl...
[12:00] Hijikata
you know how you unconsciously
aim at it to shoot it off?
[12:06] Hijikata
We'll use that psychology and make
it so they'll aim into the urinal.
[12:10] Okita
Hijikata-san, you've just casually
revealed an embarrassing habit.
[12:14] Okita
Is that what you always do?
[12:16] Hijikata
No, I don't do that. I heard
about it somewhere.
[12:20] Seizo
No, I think it's a great idea.
[12:23] Okita
Okay, then...
[12:24] Okita
How about this?
[12:26] Hijikata
Huh? What is that, Sogo?
[12:28] Seizo
That's my mole!
[12:30] Okita
I felt bad about what I did, so I
only pretended to flush it down.
[12:34] Okita
I was hoping I'd find a good
use for it somewhere.
[12:36] Seizo
How is this a "good" use?!
[12:38] Seizo
You want someone to aim
his urine at my mole?
[12:41] Okita
I see. Sorry about that.
[12:44] Seizo
Don't flush it down! You have no
respect for a person's body parts!
[12:47] Hijikata
C'mon, never mind that.
Dirty it up a bit. Anything will do.
[12:53] Okita
Oh...then I'll use this.
[12:55] Hijikata
What's the meaning of that?!
[12:57] Okita
It's the dirt of the Shinsengumi.
[12:58] Hijikata
Dirty is what you are on the inside! Quit
monkeying around-take that off!
[13:02] Seizo
Someone's coming. Hide!
[13:07] Okita
Do you think it's going to work?
[13:08] Hijikata
Don't be silly! That's not going to work!
[13:15] Okita
Okay, they left.
[13:17] Okita
Oh...it didn't work.
[13:19] Hijikata
You see.
[13:21] Okita
They did a number two.
[13:22] Hijikata
What happened?!
[13:24] Okita
It worked too well.
[13:25] Okita
It would seem their hatred of
the object was too great.
[13:29] Okita
This photo has a hole poked through it.
[13:31] Hijikata
What kind of urine does that?!
Do they hate me that much?!
[13:34] Okita
We can't have them doing number twos when
we want them to clean up this place.
[13:38] Okita
And it's no use if they don't see it as dirt.
[13:41] Okita
What do you say we use
reverse psychology?
[13:44] Okita
We don't make them urinate in the urinal.
[13:46] Okita
We make it so that they can't
urinate anywhere else.
[13:49] Okita
In other words,
[13:50] Okita
we create a situation where they can't
ever dribble urine on the floor.
[13:52] Hijikata
What kind of situation is that?!
[13:54] Seizo
Someone's coming.
[13:55] Squadmember G
Ah, I'm gonna pee my pants...
[14:05] Okita
You were pretty good.
[14:10] Seizo
You weren't bad yourself.
[14:11] Okita
I wonder how many years it's been
since I've seen the stars like this?
[14:15] Okita
I'd forgotten the sky was this big.
[14:17] Seizo
It's kind of neat to do this sort
of thing every once in a while.
[14:21] Hijikata
Who'd be able to urinate?!
[14:24] Okita
No one would interrupt a friendly
moment between two guys.
[14:28] Hijikata
That's no good! In fact, it's infuriating.
[14:30] Hijikata
Are you two planning to repeat
that crummy skit of yours
[14:33] Hijikata
every time someone comes to pee?!
[14:37] Okita
Then...
[14:38] ---
What if we put holes in this plywood
sheet, so they can stick their...
[14:43] Hijikata
What sort of perverted play is this?!
[14:44] Hijikata
Listen, a lot of different guys are
going to stick their things in!
[14:48] Hijikata
It's unsanitary!
[14:50] Okita
They'll be fine with it.
[14:51] Okita
I'll draw a woman's face here so
they won't be uncomfortable.
[14:54] Hijikata
Hey! Now it's turning into something
totally different!
[14:58] Hijikata
I told you, it's unsanitary!
For both body and mind!
[15:00] Hijikata
Kumanaku, say something...
[15:01] Seizo
Can you make the hole
a little larger for me?
[15:04] Hijikata
What're you adjusting the
size for?! Forget the ego!
[15:08] Hijikata
The problem is not the
hole. It's the mouth!
[15:10] Hijikata
Do you think we can broadcast this?!
[15:13] Okita
I see. If that's the problem...
[15:16] Okita
If we turn it around, no problem.
[15:19] Hijikata
Hey, that doesn't solve the
sanitation issue at all!
[15:22] Okita
Now, now...
[15:24] Seizo
Somebody's coming.
[15:25] Seizo
Hide.
SIGN [Two minutes later]
[15:35] Hijikata
It's awfully quiet.
[15:36] Okita
What's he doing?
SIGN [Five minutes later]
[15:40] Hijikata
When's he going to leave? Take a peek.
[16:08] Kondo
...I'm...stuck.
[16:34] Yamazaki (M)
I don't know why.
[16:36] Yamazaki (M)
I don't know the reason,
[16:39] Yamazaki (M)
but our Shinsengumi Headquarters was suddenly
taken over by mysterious germs.
[16:45] Yamazaki (M)
Upon waking one morning,
[16:47] Yamazaki (M)
we were attacked without
warning by the germs.
[16:55] Yamazaki (M)
It happened, I believe,
[16:57] Yamazaki (M)
several days after the Vice-Chief
began talking some nonsense
[17:01] Yamazaki (M)
about a toilet revolution or something.
[17:04] Yamazaki (M)
Because of the excessiveness
of the revolution,
[17:06] Yamazaki (M)
everyone became afraid
of going near the toilet.
[17:10] Yamazaki (M)
But no one can stop their
bodily functions.
[17:13] Yamazaki (M)
Headquarters became a horrible mess.
[17:17] Yamazaki (M)
It was a lawless area, with no God
or Buddha. A wretched hell.
[17:25] Yamazaki (M)
Perhaps that was to blame.
[17:42] Yamazaki (M)
Wrath...
[17:43] Yamazaki (M)
Yes, it was wrath...
[17:46] Yamazaki (M)
the toilet god's wrath brought
down a hammer of retribution
[17:49] Yamazaki (M)
upon us for desecrating the toilet.
[18:00] Hijikata
My god...is this our headquarters?!
[18:04] Okita
Seizo-san, what do we do?
[18:08] Seizo
Cut it down at its roots!
[18:09] Seizo
In other words, we have no choice
but to attack the germs' origins.
[18:13] Hijikata
Origins?
[18:14] Seizo
The toilet! The toilet is
the root of all evil!
[18:17] Okita
Let's go, Hijikata-san.
[18:19] Hijikata
Okay.
[18:20] Hijikata
Charge!
SIGN [Toilet]
[18:40] Hijikata
My god!
[18:41] Okita
Can't even tell where the urinals
and toilet bowls are...
[18:47] Hijikata
What's that?!
[18:48] Seizo
The core! That's the tamakin!
[18:51] Hijikata
You say it's the tamakin, but...
[18:53] Seizo
It's probably because he touches
his thing an awful lot.
[18:56] Seizo
The eggs have completely hatched.
[18:58] Seizo
That's no longer Kondo-san.
[19:00] Seizo
He's nothing but a walking,
talking tamakin.
[19:02] Hijikata
Then that means it's...!
[19:13] Hijikata
Kondo-san!
[19:21] Yamazaki (M)
Two months later.
[19:24] Yamazaki (M)
The tamakin grew at an incredible rate.
[19:27] Yamazaki (M)
It swallowed Kabukicho
[19:29] Yamazaki (M)
and eventually enveloped all of Edo.
SIGN [Shut Down]
[20:05] Yamazaki (M)
A fierce battle of survival began between
the human race and tamakin.
SIGN [Shin]
[20:37] Hijikata
That's...!
[20:38] Kondo Ohmu
Kondoooo
SIGN [Note: Parody of the Ohmu from Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind.]
[20:39] Kondo Ohmu
ooohmu!
[20:44] Hijikata
Kondo-san...?!
[20:45] Okita
There's so many.
[20:47] Seizo
It's the worst possible scenario.
[20:49] Hijikata
Kumanaku!
SIGN [Note: Parody of the costumes from Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind.]
[20:51] Seizo
I'm guessing that the cells
rapidly continued to divide.
[20:55] Seizo
The host's-our chief's-metabolism
couldn't keep up,
[20:59] Seizo
resulting in the host himself dividing.
[21:02] Seizo
This stampede is identical to
the run of the lemmings.
[21:07] Seizo
This stampede won't stop until
it destroys the entire world.
[21:11] Hijikata
You idiot! Think of something!
This all started because you...
[21:20] Matsudaira
Katakuriko Matsudaira, The God
of Destruction, has arrived!
SIGN [Note: Parody of a costume from Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind.]
[21:22] Matsudaira
Our targets are those god-knows-what
caterpillars! Forward!
[21:27] Hijikata
Pops Matsudaira.
[21:31] Matsudaira
Fire cannons!
[21:42] All
Pops!
[21:43] Hijikata
Sogo...It's up to you and me-
[21:46] Hijikata
Shinsengumi members from the
very beginning-to stop this.
[21:49] Okita
Is that so? In that case,
I'll use my secret ability.
[21:53] Okita
You see I am the descendent of the
most evil tribe ever to walk the Earth.
SIGN [Note: Parody of Giant Warrior from Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind.]
[22:05] Yamazaki
I think he's melting!
[22:06] Seizo
It's been getting hot recently.
[22:08] Hijikata
That's irrelevant!
[22:24] Yamazaki
He did it! We might have a chance.
[22:25] Hijikata
Okay, once more!
[22:32] Hijikata
Hey! You're spent after just one shot?!
[22:40] Yamazaki
Vice-Chief!
SIGN [Note: Parody of the glider from Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind.]
[23:04] Hijikatahijikata
Kondo-san! Please stop!
[23:06] Kondo Ohmu
Kondo-Ohmu.
[23:09] Hijikata
Kondo-san!
[23:12] Seizo/Yamazaki
Vice-Chief!
[23:50] Yamazaki
Vice-Chief...
SIGN [Toilet]
SIGN
[26:38] Kuriko
Could you be...Mayo-sama?
[26:41] Hijikata
The next episode... "They Say Soy Sauce
On Pudding Tastes Like Sea Urchin,
[26:44] Hijikata
But Soy Sauce On Pudding Only Tastes
Like Pudding and Soy Sauce."
SIGN [Chief of Police Katakuriko Matsudaira's daughter, Kuriko Matsudaira makes an appearance after a long absence.]
SIGN [The fateful reunion with Mayo 13.
(Administrative message) Mu-san, thank you for your hard work! See you again next time!]
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