E175 - No Matter How Old You Get, You Still Hate the Dentist

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:43] Gintoki
    Hurry it up...
[01:47] Gintoki
    I'm begging ya.
[01:49] Gintoki
    Make it quick.
[01:52] Gintoki
    Please...
[01:54] Gintoki
    Hurry...
[01:55] Gintoki
    End my suffering!
[01:58] Gintoki
    Why don't you finish me off?
[02:00] Gintoki
    Why must you waste time?
[02:04] Gintoki
    Kill me!
[02:05] Gintoki
    Just get it over with!
[02:07] Gintoki
    Do you enjoy torturing me?!
[02:10] Gintoki
    Please!
[02:12] Gintoki
    I can't stand just sitting here
    waiting for my death!
[02:15] Gintoki
    I'll go insane!
[02:17] Gintoki
    I beg ya!
[02:19] Gintoki
    Quick!
[02:20] Gintoki
    Kill me!
[02:24] Nurse A
    Um, Sakata-san.
[02:26] Nurse A
    Excuse me, but could you keep it down?
[02:31] Nurse A
    You're disturbing the other patients.
SIGN    [Namu Dental Clinic]
[02:35] Gintoki
    Sorry about that...
SIGN    ["People Of All Ages Hate The Dentist!"]
[02:47] Gintoki
    No...
[02:48] Gintoki
    I hate going to the dentist.
[02:50] Gintoki
    That distinctive odor...
[02:52] Gintoki
    That shady easy listening music...
[02:55] Gintoki
    The echoing whir of the drill...
[02:57] Gintoki
    And the wait... It's like waiting
    for your death sentence...
[03:01] Gintoki
    Damn! I SO wanna go home!
[03:03] Gintoki
    Go home, latch on to Sadaharu,
    and cuddle in his fur!
[03:06] Gintoki
    But my tooth hurts...
[03:08] Gintoki
    No, but I'm scared of the treatment...
[03:10] Gintoki
    How many times have
    I gone through this?
[03:12] Gintoki
    Just put me out of my misery.
[03:15] Gintoki
    Sure, a candy lover is doomed
    to a life of cavities,
[03:19] Gintoki
    but that aspect of my character's
    been forgotten, you know?
[03:23] Gintoki
    There was no scene of me
    eating sweets lately.
[03:26] Gintoki
    They're gonna drill.
[03:28] Gintoki
    They'll stick that thing in my mouth for sure.
[03:30] Gintoki
    A drill doesn't belong in your mouth.
[03:33] Gintoki
    It's the last thing you
    should stick in there!
[03:34] Gintoki
    That's not what a doctor's
    supposed to do.
[03:36] Gintoki
    What do I do?
[03:37] Gintoki
    Will I die if I sneeze when
    the drill's in my mouth?
[03:40] Gintoki
    Am I gonna die?
[03:42] Gintoki
    What do I do?
[03:43] Gintoki
    Will I die if that sucking tube
    thing gets my tongue?
[03:47] Gintoki
    Am I gonna die?!
[03:51] Gintoki
    Stop, stop!!
[03:52] Gintoki
    Enough already!!
[03:53] Gintoki
    I'll stop thinking about it.
[03:56] Gintoki
    I'll read a magazine or something
    to take my mind off that.
[03:59] Gintoki
    JUMP... JUMP...
SIGN    [Note: "Weekly Shonen Magazine" published from Kodansha.]
[04:01] Gintoki
    What? This place prefers Magazine?
[04:03] Gintoki
    I guess it can't hurt every
    once in a while...
[04:13] Gintoki
    Here to clean your tobacco
    stains? You nicotine addict!
[04:15] Hijikata
    Can't you tell from my face?
[04:17] Hijikata
    An old silver cap decided to rot on me.
[04:21] Hijikata
    Damn, anything with the word
    "silver" in it is bound to fail.
SIGN    [Note: Part of Gintoki's name is "Gin", which is silver in Japanese.]
[04:23] Gintoki
    Let go. I grabbed it first.
[04:26] Hijikata
    No, we touched it at the same time.
[04:27] Hijikata
    And don't you prefer JUMP?
[04:28] Hijikata
    Let this Magazine fan have it.
[04:30] Gintoki
    It's a good idea to check
    out the enemy at times.
[04:34] Gintoki
    So what if it's the 50th anniversary?
[04:36] Gintoki
    Why are you teaming up with Sunday?
SIGN    
[04:39] Gintoki
    Something's up there.
[04:40] Hijikata
    What, are you jealous?
[04:41] Hijikata
    You want in or something?
[04:43] Hijikata
    You upset about not being
    invited to the party?
[04:45] Gintoki
    Heck no.
[04:45] Gintoki
    Go enjoy it yourselves.
[04:46] Gintoki
    It's easier for us to go solo.
[04:49] Gintoki
    No point in cooperating when you
    guys have no chance against us.
[04:51] Hijikata
    You've got it backwards.
[04:53] Hijikata
    Don't you understand that
    everyone hates you?
[04:55] Hijikata
    Can't you tell that you're being shunned?
[04:57] Nurse A
    Please keep it down.
[04:57] Gintoki
    What? Pretending to be popular?
[04:58] Nurse A
    You're disturbing the other patients...
[04:59] Gintoki
    Haven't you realized that Sunday's only
    pretending to be a buddy to Magazine?
[05:02] Gintoki
    He was trashing you on the way
    home from school the other day.
[05:04] Hijikata
    Sunday would never do that!
[05:06] Hijikata
    Don't make shit up.
[05:07] Gintoki
    Go ask Champion.
SIGN    [Note: "Weekly Shonen Champion" is manga magazine from Akita Shoten.]
[05:09] Gintoki
    He heard it too.
[05:10] Hijikata
    Shut up!
[05:10] Hijikata
    What do you know about Sunday?!
[05:12] Gintoki
    Keep on pretending to be all tight!
[05:13] Gintoki
    Too bad you're anything but!
[05:14] Nurse A
    Hey! I told you to
    shut the hell up!
[05:14] Gintoki
    Everybody knows already!
[05:15] Gintoki
    Gangan and Ace know too!
SIGN    
[05:23] Hijikata
    I just had to run into this jerk.
[05:25] Gintoki
    Why did I have to bump
    into him of all people?
[05:29] Hijikata
    I have to act calm.
[05:31] Gintoki
    I can't let him know my weakness.
[05:35] Both
    I can't let him know that I still
    hate the dentist at this age!
[05:42] Gintoki
    Hey, can you cut that out?
[05:46] Gintoki
    Constantly fidgeting...
[05:48] Gintoki
    How many times are you
    going to cross your legs?
[05:50] Gintoki
    You're making me nervous.
[05:52] Hijikata
    And what about you?
[05:53] Hijikata
    Your leg's been tapping like crazy.
SIGN    
[05:56] Hijikata
    Could you cut it out?
[05:57] Hijikata
    You're gonna make me poor like you.
[05:59] Gintoki
    I'm all irritated because of your fidgeting.
[06:02] Gintoki
    Oh?
[06:03] Gintoki
    Is that it?
[06:04] Gintoki
    Are you scared?
[06:05] Gintoki
    The Demon Vice-Chief?
[06:07] Hijikata
    Huh? What?
[06:08] Hijikata
    No idea what you're talking about.
[06:09] Hijikata
    Scared of what?
[06:10] Hijikata
    Was there something scary
    about the dentist?
[06:13] Gintoki
    No, not really.
[06:14] Gintoki
    Nothing at all.
[06:15] Hijikata
    You said that because there's
    something to be scared of.
[06:18] Hijikata
    Which means you're the
    one who's scared?
[06:20] Gintoki
    Hell no.
[06:21] Gintoki
    You know how people say that the
    sound of a drill can be scary?
[06:25] Gintoki
    Not that I would understand.
[06:27] Hijikata
    I don't get it either.
[06:28] Hijikata
    Hell, I want a drill in my
    mouth every week;
[06:31] Hijikata
    come in to get plaque removed
    on a regular basis.
[06:34] Gintoki
    What? You don't do that?
[06:35] Gintoki
    I have the whole package
    done every three days.
[06:39] Gintoki
    My mouth feels all icky if I
    don't get that drill in there.
[06:42] Hijikata
    Oh, really.
[06:43] Hijikata
    I have my own drill at home so
    I don't have to come here.
[06:47] Hijikata
    Since I'm a driller.
[06:49] Gintoki
    Driller?!
[06:51] Gintoki
    What the hell's a driller?!
[06:52] Gintoki
    Why do you have your own drill?!
[06:54] Gintoki
    He's crazy!
[06:54] Gintoki
    No fear of drills!
[06:57] Gintoki
    Oh, you're also a driller?
[07:00] Gintoki
    What a coincidence.
[07:01] Gintoki
    Interested in entering a
    drill contest with me?
[07:04] Hijikata
    Drill contest?!
[07:06] Hijikata
    No way! I don't wanna do that crap!
[07:09] Hijikata
    This guy enters a contest like that?!
[07:11] Hijikata
    He's a monster!
[07:13] Hijikata
    Sure, if I'm off that day.
[07:15] Hijikata
    Well, I'll try to keep my schedule open.
[07:18] Hasegawa
    Huh? What are you two
    doing here together?
[07:22] Gintoki
    Hasegawa-san.
[07:24] Hasegawa
    You guys are also having
    teeth problems?
[07:26] Hijikata
    I was taking a walk and decided
    to stop by for a drilling.
[07:29] Hasegawa
    A drill? What are you talking about?
[07:31] Gintoki
    Are you also here for a drilling?
[07:33] Hasegawa
    A drilling? Well, I'm here to get treated.
[07:35] Hasegawa
    I just stepped out for a bathroom break.
[07:38] Hasegawa
    But man...
[07:40] Hasegawa
    The treatment here really hurts.
[07:47] Gintoki
    O-Oh, really...
[07:50] Gintoki
    I hate those month-long treatments that require
    you to keep going back to the dentist.
[07:53] Gintoki
    I heard that they did it in one shot here.
[07:56] Hasegawa
    Sure, they're fast, but it hurts.
[08:00] Hasegawa
    I felt like screaming so many times.
[08:03] Assistant
    Hasegawa-san!
[08:04] Assistant
    Are you finished?
[08:05] Hasegawa
    Oh, sorry! I'm on my way.
[08:07] Hasegawa
    I'll be going then.
[08:09] Hasegawa
    You'd better prepare yourselves.
[08:15] Gintoki
    I-I see...
[08:17] Gintoki
    It hurts...
[08:18] Gintoki
    W-Well, dental treatments are
    supposed to hurt.
[08:21] Hijikata
    Th-That's right...
[08:23] Hijikata
    To the point where you wonder
    if it worked if it didn't hurt.
[08:26] Gintoki
    Hmm? You look a little pale?
[08:29] Hijikata
    Not at all.
[08:31] Assistant
    Hasegawa-san, don't struggle!
[08:34] Assistant
    It's dangerous so you have to stay still!
[08:35] Dr. Yabuta
    Hold Hasegawa-san down.
[08:37] Dr. Yabuta
    Tie him down to the seat.
[08:38] Dr. Yabuta
    Ah, yes. Like that.
[08:40] Hijikata
    Doesn't this sound a little too painful?
[08:44] Gintoki
    What kind of treatment is this?!
[08:46] Assistant
    Doctor! Hasegawa-san's pulse!
[08:48] Dr. Yabuta
    Perform CPR. If it doesn't work,
    bring out the defibrillator.
[08:51] Hijikata
    Defibrillator?!
[08:52] Hijikata
    Why would a dentist need that?!
[08:53] Assistant
    Doctor! His pulse is back,
[08:55] Assistant
    but the shock threw "that" loose!
[08:57] Gintoki
    Threw "that" loose?!
[08:58] Gintoki
    What's "that"?! What's loose?!
[08:59] Dr. Yabuta
    Oh, it's okay. We won't
    be using that again.
[09:02] Dr. Yabuta
    Dip it in the ponzu sauce.
SIGN    [Note: Ponzu sauce is a citrus based sauce often used as dip for shabu-shabu.]
[09:03] Gintoki
    Dip it in the ponzu sauce?!
[09:04] Gintoki
    What are they doing?!
[09:05] Assistant
    Wouldn't this go better
    with sesame sauce, Doc?
[09:08] Hijikata
    Sesame sauce?!
[09:09] Hijikata
    Are they having shabu-shabu?!
[09:10] Hijikata
    They're having shabu-shabu, right?!
[09:11] Dr. Yabuta
    Okay, that should do it.
[09:13] Hijikata
    It's over?!
[09:14] Hijikata
    They finished it with a ponzu sauce?!
[09:16] Dr. Yabuta
    How do you feel, Hasegawa-san?
[09:18] Hasegawa
    Man, it's like the pain's completely gone.
[09:21] Gintoki
    Not just your pain, but like a part
    of your body's also gone!
[09:23] Gintoki
    It's been dunked in ponzu sauce!
[09:25] Dr. Yabuta
    You'll be able to eat anything you
    want now, just like before.
[09:28] Hasegawa
    Man... Thank you very much, Doc.
[09:32] Assistant
    We've included some painkillers and
    a toothbrush specially made by us.
[09:36] Hasegawa
    Thanks for being so considerate.
[09:39] Assistant
    Take care now.
[09:40] Hasegawa
    Thank you very much!
[09:44] Hasegawa
    Man, I'm completely better now.
[09:47] Hasegawa
    It was damn painful, but the
    dentist was pretty good.
[09:50] Hasegawa
    Look, they even included a toothbrush!
[09:55] Both
    Included as in literally included?!
[09:58] Gintoki
    Wait!
[09:59] Gintoki
    Your teeth are fine now, but you lost
    something more important instead?!
[10:02] Hijikata
    That's way beyond an
    equivalent exchange!
[10:04] Nurse A
    You should come in for a new toothbrush
    if the bristles wear out.
[10:07] Hasegawa
    May I say something...?
[10:09] Gintoki
    Yeah! Speak your mind! Sue them!
[10:11] Hijikata
    That's one crazy quack!
[10:12] Hasegawa
    I need a hard toothbrush
    to get the job done.
[10:16] Both
    That's not the issue here!
[10:18] Nurse A
    Yes, no problem.
[10:19] Nurse A
    We included a hard toothbrush
    on your crotch to be safe.
[10:22] Nurse A
    It'll get hard when you play around with it.
[10:24] Gintoki
    That's not the point!!
[10:26] Gintoki
    How are you supposed to
    brush your teeth with it?!
[10:28] Gintoki
    Only your wife can reach down
    there to brush with it!
[10:29] Dr. Yabuta
    Well, you take care now.
[10:32] Kondo
    Oh, it's Toshi!
[10:34] Kondo
    You guys are also here to get treated?
[10:36] Hijikata
    Kondo-san...
[10:37] Kondo
    Man, this dentist does good work!
[10:40] Kondo
    I'm completely better now!
[10:41] Kondo
    They even included an...
[10:43] Kondo
    electric toothbrush.
[10:46] Hijikata
    Electric toothbrush...?
[10:48] Gintoki
    Isn't that Hasegawa-san's arm?
[10:51] Kondo
    Well, it smells like ponzu sauce,
    but it's pretty useful.
[10:54] Gintoki
    Hey! It's obviously Hasegawa-san's!
[10:57] Hasegawa
    Really? I don't like the idea of
    letting machines do the work.
[11:01] Hasegawa
    You have to brush your teeth
    with your own hands.
[11:03] Hijikata
    Yeah, that'd be your hand right there.
[11:05] Hijikata
    And hasn't your hand been
    replaced by a toothbrush?
[11:07] Nurse A
    If Hasega...
[11:09] Nurse A
    The electric toothbrush starts to rot,
    please come in to get it replaced.
[11:12] Gintoki
    She was about to say Hasegawa-san's
    arm, wasn't she?!
[11:14] Kondo
    Excuse me...
[11:15] Kondo
    I'm having a hard time getting
    the brush to reach my mouth.
[11:19] Kondo
    Is that okay?
[11:20] Nurse A
    It's fine.
[11:21] Nurse A
    If it doesn't reach, use a toothbrush in
    your own hand to brush your teeth.
[11:24] Hijikata
    Why'd you include the arm then?!
[11:26] Hijikata
    That's just harassment!
[11:27] Nurse A
    Take care now, you two.
[11:30] Gintoki
    Take care, my ass!
[11:31] Gintoki
    Why don't you take care
    of your patients first?!
[11:34] Hijikata
    This isn't dental care. They're
    modifying your body!
[11:38] Gintoki
    This dentist is crazy!
[11:40] Gintoki
    It's way too insane!
[11:49] Hijikata
    H-Hey...
[11:50] Hijikata
    What are you doing? Get outta here!
[11:53] Hijikata
    This is no dental clinic.
[11:55] Hijikata
    It's Shocker HQ.
SIGN    
[11:56] Gintoki
    Stop being stubborn and scram.
[11:58] Gintoki
    Hey, what are you doing?
[12:00] Gintoki
    Go home, please!
[12:01] Gintoki
    I'll give you 300 yen.
[12:02] Hijikata
    What's wrong with this guy?
    Why doesn't he run?
[12:05] Gintoki
    Get a clue!
[12:06] Gintoki
    I can't leave until you do, fool!
[12:10] Nurse A
    Could the next patients
    please step inside.
[12:12] Nurse A
    Two at a time.
[12:14] Hijikata
    No way. You're kidding.
[12:16] Gintoki
    Are we seriously going?
[12:18] Gintoki
    Well, let's see how deep
    that drill will go this time.
[12:23] Gintoki
    Will it reach my soul?
[12:25] Gintoki
    No! I don't wanna go!
[12:27] Gintoki
    How would a drill reach my soul?!
[12:29] Gintoki
    I have no idea what I'm saying!
[12:31] Hijikata
    Why do people dig?
[12:33] Hijikata
    Because they have drills.
[12:35] Hijikata
    What was that?!
[12:37] Hijikata
    Am I an idiot?! An idiot?!
[12:39] Hijikata
    Stop pretending to be
    a man and run for it!
[12:42] Gintoki
    Hey! Somebody!
[12:44] Hijikata
    Anybody!
[12:45] Both
    Stop us!!
[12:59] Dr. Yabuta
    Hello.
[13:01] Dr. Yabuta
    I'm Yabuta of the Namu dental clinic.
[13:04] Dr. Yabuta
    Sakata-san and Hijikata-san, right?
[13:06] Dr. Yabuta
    I'll be taking care of you today.
[13:08] Dr. Yabuta
    Don't be so nervous.
[13:11] Dr. Yabuta
    It won't hurt.
[13:12] Dr. Yabuta
    Well, just relax. C'mon, relax.
[13:17] Both
    A-A crime scene?!
[13:20] Gintoki
    Is a dental operation room supposed
    to be this red?
[13:22] Gintoki
    Wasn't it supposed to be whiter?
[13:24] Gintoki
    All spic-and-span?
[13:26] Hijikata
    Was dental care always so bloody?
[13:29] Hijikata
    Weren't the instruments more compact?
[13:31] Hijikata
    Was there a chainsaw involved?
[13:37] Both
    Is this how going to the dentist was like?!
[13:40] Dr. Yabuta
    Well, you've both got
    some swollen faces.
[13:44] Dr. Yabuta
    Why did you leave it alone so long?
[13:46] Dr. Yabuta
    That's no good.
[13:47] Dr. Yabuta
    The mouth is like the
    entrance to a human.
[13:50] Dr. Yabuta
    Also the first step to
    getting to know a person.
[13:54] Dr. Yabuta
    You can judge a person by their teeth.
[13:59] Dr. Yabuta
    Yeah, most people with
    dirty teeth are slobs.
[14:03] Dr. Yabuta
    People who keep their teeth clean
    probably listened to their parents.
[14:07] Dr. Yabuta
    Yep, that's why I always tell my
    young patients the following.
[14:12] Dr. Yabuta
    When you go on a group date, looks
    and personality don't matter.
[14:16] Dr. Yabuta
    Check their boobs first.
[14:19] Both
    Doc, the door to your entrance
    has fallen off its hinges...
[14:23] Dr. Yabuta
    You can judge a person
    after seeing their boobs.
[14:26] Hijikata
    This Doc is terrible!
[14:27] Dr. Yabuta
    Women with big areolae on their breasts have big
    hearts that are more forgiving of adultery.
[14:29] Hijikata
    He's talking about boobs!
[14:31] Gintoki
    The door's fallen loose,
[14:32] Gintoki
    and there's a toilet-like smell coming out!
[14:35] Gintoki
    Like Niwa-kun's place where you go
    in the door and it smells like a toilet!
[14:38] Gintoki
    The toilet is his entrance!
[14:41] Dr. Yabuta
    And women with small areolae on
    their breasts tend to be smothering.
[14:45] Dr. Yabuta
    You've gotta be careful.
[14:47] Hijikata
    Nobody would want to smother you!
[14:49] Dr. Yabuta
    Areolae are the key to women.
[14:51] Dr. Yabuta
    Nothing else matters.
[14:52] Gintoki
    What kind of a group date would involve
    looking at their areolae?!
[14:54] Gintoki
    What kind of group date did you go to?!
[14:58] Dr. Yabuta
    Okay...
[14:59] Dr. Yabuta
    Let's get down to business.
[15:01] Dr. Yabuta
    I'll have an assistant take
    a quick look at you.
[15:04] Dr. Yabuta
    Well, it's possible that my assistants
    will be able to take care of you.
[15:08] Gintoki
    G-Good... He's not doing the treatment.
[15:11] Dr. Yabuta
    Hey! You two!
[15:14] ---
    Yes!
[15:16] Nakayama
    Yes.
[15:20] Dr. Yabuta
    Nakayama-san and Battle
    Fairy Shazzan-san.
[15:23] Dr. Yabuta
    Which do you want?
[15:24] Gintoki
    Nakayama-san!
[15:25] Hijikata
    Definitely Nakayama-san!
[15:27] Gintoki
    Anybody but Shazzan-san!
[15:29] Nakayama
    Ooh, what to do?
[15:31] Nakayama
    Which one do you like?
[15:32] Nakayama
    I prefer the one with black hair.
[15:34] Hijikata
    And what the hell is that?
[15:35] Hijikata
    Why is Battle Fairy Shazzan
    working in a dental clinic?!
[15:38] Hijikata
    What the hell is Battle Fairy Shazzan?!
[15:39] Dr. Yabuta
    Which do you want to look at you?
[15:41] Both
    I want Nakayama-san!
[15:41] Both
    I want Nakayama-san!
[15:43] Dr. Yabuta
    Sakata-san was a little faster.
[15:46] Dr. Yabuta
    Then Sakata-san will
    have Nakayama-san.
[15:47] Hijikata
    Wait!
[15:48] Hijikata
    Uh, hold on!
[15:50] Gintoki
    Right on...
[15:52] Gintoki
    I dodged a bullet there.
[15:55] Nakayama
    The name's Nakayama.
[15:57] Nakayama
    I'll be taking care of you, Sakata-san.
[15:59] Gintoki
    Y-You're Nakayama?!
[16:02] Gintoki
    Wait!
[16:03] Gintoki
    Hold on!
[16:04] Gintoki
    You totally look like a
    Battle Fairy Shazzan!
[16:06] Gintoki
    You're obviously not Nakayama-san!
[16:09] Hijikata
    Suck on that.
[16:11] Hijikata
    I don't know what's going on,
[16:11] Hijikata
    but I guess this lady was Battle
    Fairy Shazzan-san.
[16:16] Hijikata
    W-Well, I'm all yours, Shazzan-san.
[16:28] Shazzan
    I am Battle Fairy Shazzan.
[16:30] Shazzan
    I'll be taking care of you.
[16:32] Hijikata
    Why?!
[16:34] Assistant
    Well, Nakayama-san, Shazzan-san,
    do your best.
[16:37] Both
    Roger.
[16:38] Hijikata
    So Nakayama-san and Shazzan-san
    are both battle fairies?!
[16:42] Nakayama
    Then, we shall explain this clinic's system
    before we commence treatment.
[16:47] Gintoki
    Before you do that, explain how you've
    ended up as battle fairies!
[16:51] Shazzan
    Our clinic will treat your dental maladies,
[16:53] Shazzan
    and also provide operating services
    to prevent any future cavities.
[16:58] Hijikata
    That's way beyond a dentist's job!
[17:00] Nakayama
    Then we'll move on to an explanation
    of your options.
[17:04] Nakayama
    Option A provides treatment of your cavity
    and surgery to modify your body.
[17:08] Nakayama
    Option B provides surgery to modify
    your body and comes with free drinks.
[17:12] Gintoki
    Option B has nothing to do with my teeth!
[17:15] Gintoki
    Why are there free drinks?!
[17:17] Gintoki
    Uh, excuse me.
[17:18] Gintoki
    Isn't there an option that skips the surgery
    and gets my cavity treated?
[17:22] Nakayama
    You'll save money by choosing Option A instead
    of getting the treatment and surgery separately.
[17:27] Gintoki
    No, I don't want the surgery.
[17:29] Gintoki
    I just want to get this cavity treated!
[17:31] Nakayama
    Then I would recommend
    either Option Z or X.
[17:35] Gintoki
    What are those?
[17:37] Nakayama
    Option Z includes a massage when
    you get your cavity treated.
[17:41] Nakayama
    Option X includes a salad bar
    when you get treatment.
[17:44] Gintoki
    A-Ah, then I'll take Option Z.
[17:47] Nakayama
    With the massage?
[17:49] Gintoki
    Yea, whatever. That'll do.
[17:51] Nakayama
    Roger.
[17:53] Gintoki
    Whew... I managed to avoid the surgery.
[17:59] Betty
    I'm Betty. I'll be taking care of you, boss.
[18:03] Gintoki
    They attached a massage girl!
[18:06] Gintoki
    I ended up getting modified!
[18:08] Gintoki
    And this has nothing to do
    with preventing cavities!
[18:11] Gintoki
    This thing has no intention
    of doing its job!
[18:13] Gintoki
    Couldn't they give me a higher
    quality girl at least?!
[18:18] Nakayama
    Allow me to explain.
[18:20] Nakayama
    Pleasure Fort Betty and Sakata-san
    have been neurologically connected,
[18:24] Nakayama
    which means that the robot
    Pleasure Fort Betty
[18:27] Nakayama
    appears as an actual massage
    girl to Sakata-san.
SIGN    [In Actuality]
SIGN    [Through Gintoki's Eyes]
[18:31] Nakayama
    Our service is perfect.
[18:33] Hijikata
    That was close!
[18:35] Hijikata
    I was about to end up the same way!
[18:38] Hijikata
    But I already learned that I should think
    carefully from the battle fairy deal.
[18:43] Hijikata
    Option X!
[18:44] Hijikata
    Treatment with a salad bar service.
[18:46] Hijikata
    This is the right answer.
[18:48] Hijikata
    Uh, I'll have Option X.
[18:52] Shazzan
    Roger.
[18:53] Hijikata
    No way you can attach
    a salad bar to a body.
[18:57] Hijikata
    Thanks. Your failure saved me
    from making the same mistake.
SIGN    [Note: "Baa" here is used to mean "old lady" not "bar"]
[19:08] Hijikata
    Th-They gave me a Salad Baa!
[19:11] Hijikata
    They got me!
SIGN    [In Actuality]
[19:12] Hijikata
    This is what they meant
    by a "salad bar"?!
[19:14] Hijikata
    And what's the point of this?!
SIGN    [Through Hijikata's Eyes]
[19:16] Hijikata
    She's just sitting there eating salad!
[19:18] Hijikata
    And she's using dressing
    instead of mayonnaise!
[19:21] Hijikata
    This just sucks!
[19:22] Hijikata
    I'll have to watch this old lady eat salad
    without mayo for the rest of my life?!
[19:26] Nakayama
    Okay, that should take care
    of the preparations.
[19:29] Gintoki
    Preparations?!
[19:31] Gintoki
    What could this possibly prepare us for?!
[19:32] Shazzan
    Then we'll begin the actual
    treatment now.
[19:35] Hijikata
    Treat my body before you treat my teeth!
[19:38] Hijikata
    Give me back my original body!
[19:39] Nakayama
    Open wide.
[19:42] Nakayama
    Please relax.
[19:43] Nakayama
    There's nothing to be scared of.
[19:45] Gintoki
    You're damn scary!
[19:47] Shazzan
    Open wide.
[19:49] Shazzan
    Your face will be blown
    off if it touches the drill.
[19:52] Hijikata
    That huge-ass drill can't fit in my mouth!
[19:58] Nakayama
    Don't worry.
[20:00] Nakayama
    The modifications mean that your body
    will suffer less from the treatment.
[20:05] Shazzan
    Well? There shouldn't be much pain.
[20:09] Gintoki
    Now that you mention it...
[20:10] Hijikata
    It doesn't hurt at all.
[20:13] Nakayama
    Our clinic specializes in swift care,
[20:16] Nakayama
    but that puts a heavier
    burden on the patient.
[20:18] Shazzan
    The surgery modifies your body to cope with
    the care and allow for safe treatment.
[20:26] Gintoki
    Uh, safe?
[20:28] Gintoki
    This stopped being safe when
    you modified our bodies!
[20:31] Both
    Hold on a second...
[20:34] Both
    Is all the damage being
    shifted over to them?!
[20:37] Shazzan
    They bear most of the pain,
    so relax as we treat you.
[20:42] Hijikata
    Uh, that's no ordinary pain.
SIGN    [Through Hijikata's Eyes]
[20:45] Hijikata
    It's pretty hard to relax
    while that's going on.
SIGN    [In Actuality]
[20:48] Nakayama
    If it weren't for them, you would
    be feeling even more pain.
SIGN    [Through Gintoki's Eyes]
[20:52] Gintoki
    So we don't feel any pain, but whatever's happening
    to our body causes that much pain?
SIGN    [In Actuality]
[20:56] Gintoki
    Is that okay?! Huh?!
SIGN    [Through Gintoki's Eyes]
[20:58] Gintoki
    No! Stop!
[20:59] Gintoki
    Don't look at me like that!
SIGN    [In Actuality]
[21:00] Gintoki
    What? Is it my fault?!
[21:02] Gintoki
    Was I wrong?!
SIGN    [Through Hijikata's Eyes]
[21:04] Hijikata
    This isn't my fault.
SIGN    [In Actuality]
[21:06] Hijikata
    Yeah, I have nothing to do with this!
[21:09] Gintoki
    Huh? What is this?
[21:11] Gintoki
    I've got this weird image in my mind.
[21:14] Gintoki
    Hey! What is this?
[21:15] Gintoki
    Like my life is flashing before my eyes?
[21:17] Gintoki
    Or is this Betty's life?
[21:19] Gintoki
    And what's with the fake memories?!
[21:22] Gintoki
    I don't remember anything
    like that happening!
[21:24] Gintoki
    Stop! Don't show me that creepy stuff!
[21:26] Gintoki
    I didn't do anything wrong!
[21:27] Gintoki
    This has nothing to do with me!
[21:28] Gintoki
    I'm the one who was modified
    and getting screwed!
[21:32] Hijikata
    Huh? What is this?
[21:33] Hijikata
    Strange images are flowing
    into my mind.
[21:37] Hijikata
    Hey, are these flashbacks...?
[21:39] Hijikata
    The salad old lady's life is
    flashing before my eyes?!
[21:41] Hijikata
    And she has no actual memories!
[21:43] Hijikata
    It's all about vegetables!
[21:45] Hijikata
    Are you okay with this?!
[21:47] Hijikata
    Dying without any decent memories...
[21:48] Hijikata
    No, I want to get my cavity treated.
[21:50] Hijikata
    I don't give a damn about
    a salad old lady!
[21:54] Both
    It's not my fault! It's not my
    fault! It's not my fault!
[21:58] Both
    It's not my fault! It's not my
    fault! It's not my fault!
[22:01] Both
    Yeah!
[22:02] Both
    We didn't do anything...
[22:04] Both
    WROOOOOONG!!
[22:09] Nurse B
    Um, excuse me.
[22:11] Nurse B
    This isn't a dental clinic.
[22:15] Gintoki
    I know.
[22:16] Nurse B
    Well, you obviously have cavities.
[22:19] Nurse B
    You should go see a dentist.
[22:21] Hijikata
    We don't care about the cavities.
[22:23] Hijikata
    It'll rot and fall out soon enough.
[22:25] Nurse B
    Then why are you here?
[22:30] Both
    Please fix her...
[22:30] Both
    Please fix her...
SIGN    
[24:05] Gintoki
    Okay, people.
[24:06] Gintoki
    Clean out your ears and listen good!
[24:09] Both
    Okay!
    Will do!
[24:10] Gintoki
    Next time on GinTama the anime...
    "Countdown Begins"!
[24:14] Gintoki
    Huh? Why isn't there any reaction?
[24:17] Shinpachi
    Come on...
SIGN    ["Countdown Begins"]
[24:18] Kagura
    We're not falling for that again.
SIGN    [The countdown finally begins for GinTama the anime.]
SIGN    [See you next time.]