E153 - Sleep Helps a Child Grow

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    [New TV Show]
SIGN    [Kin Tama]
SIGN    [Episode 3]
[00:09] Kagura
    Shinpachi...
[00:15] Shinpachi
    I was dreaming...
[00:17] Kagura
    Dreaming?
[00:19] Shinpachi
    Yes... It was a happy dream...
[00:22] Shinpachi
    I was working in Kabukicho...
[00:24] Shinpachi
    I became the number one host...
[00:26] Shinpachi
    and Kintoki was next to me...
[00:31] Shinpachi
    And the owner of the place was Kagura-san...
[00:34] Shinpachi
    Such a happy dream...
[00:40] Shinpachi
    I wanted to become the number one host...
[00:44] Shinpachi
    So badly...
[00:49] Shinpachi
    I didn't choose to end up with this buttchin!
[00:54] Shinpachi
    What's so bad about having a buttchin?!
[00:56] Shinpachi
    There isn't anything wrong with a buttchin!
[00:58] Shinpachi
    There might be customers who find a buttchin attractive, who knows!
[01:03] Kagura
    Just stop!
[01:10] Shinpachi
    Everybody should end up with butt-like chins.
[01:17] Shinpachi
    All hope was lost as rain fell upon Kabukicho.
[01:22] Shinpachi
    We lost our will to fight
[01:25] Shinpachi
    and could only curse at the sky.
SIGN    [To Be Continued with the Final Episode!!]
[03:23] Kagura
    I can't sleep.
[03:25] Kagura
    I can't sleep at all.
[03:27] Kagura
    Can't sleep a wink.
[03:30] Kagura
    The harder I try to fall asleep,
[03:32] Kagura
    the more awake I feel.
[03:34] Kagura
    I don't feel like sleeping at all.
SIGN    ["Sleep Helps a Child Grow"]
[03:55] Gintoki
    What?
[03:57] Kagura
    I can't sleep.
[04:00] Gintoki
    Oh, really...
[04:02] Gintoki
    Don't stay up too late.
[04:04] Gintoki
    We have work tomorrow.
[04:10] Gintoki
    What is it?
[04:12] Kagura
    I can't sleep.
[04:14] Gintoki
    You already said that.
[04:16] Gintoki
    If you can't fall asleep, stay up until you're sleepy.
[04:19] Gintoki
    You're so annoying.
[04:21] Gintoki
    Let me sleep, okay?
[04:23] Gintoki
    I said we have work...
[04:24] Kagura
    I can't sleep.
[04:25] Gintoki
    Hey! What are you doing?!
[04:27] Kagura
    I can't sleep a wink at all.
[04:30] Gintoki
    Like I care!
[04:31] Gintoki
    Stop bugging me!
[04:32] Kagura
    I can't sleep...
[04:37] Kagura
    Put me to sleep.
[04:41] Kagura
    Use everything in your power to put me to sleep.
[04:45] Gintoki
    Just go to sleep by yourself!
[04:46] Gintoki
    Is that how you ask somebody for a favor?!
[04:48] Gintoki
    Man...
[04:49] Gintoki
    I can't put up with this.
[04:54] Kagura
    That futon looks more comfortable to sleep on.
[04:56] Kagura
    Switch with me.
[04:58] Kagura
    I'm gonna sleep there.
[05:00] Kagura
    You sleep in the closet.
[05:02] Gintoki
    Don't be so picky.
[05:03] Gintoki
    All futons are the same!
[05:05] Gintoki
    How am I supposed to sleep in that small space?!
[05:08] Kagura
    Just move outta the way.
[05:14] Kagura
    Ah, I think I can fall asleep like this.
[05:16] Kagura
    This futon might put me to sleep.
[05:19] Gintoki
    Never wake up again, stupid brat.
[05:22] Gintoki
    Man...
[05:23] Gintoki
    What is this...
[05:24] Gintoki
    I'd managed to fall asleep.
[05:26] Gintoki
    I don't wanna sleep on a cold futon.
[05:32] Kagura
    I can't sleep.
[05:33] Gintoki
    So nothing changed?!
[05:35] Kagura
    This is no use.
[05:37] Kagura
    I don't feel sleepy at all.
[05:39] Kagura
    I can't fall asleep 'cause the pillow smells like an old man.
[05:43] Gintoki
    You're the one who told me to switch with you!
[05:46] Kagura
    That futon looks more comfortable to sleep on.
[05:48] Kagura
    Switch with me.
[05:49] Gintoki
    This will never end!
[05:51] Kagura
    I can't fall asleep
[05:53] Kagura
    so I've been thinking of ways to fall asleep.
[05:57] Kagura
    And now, I'm no longer sure how I used to fall asleep.
[06:02] Kagura
    I've forgotten how to fall asleep.
[06:04] Kagura
    How do I fall asleep?
[06:06] Kagura
    How do I make my way into slumberland?
[06:09] Gintoki
    Start by shutting up!
[06:11] Gintoki
    Then close your eyes and stay still!
[06:13] Gintoki
    You'll eventually fall asleep.
[06:14] Kagura
    But Gin-chan, when you stop and think about it,
[06:18] Kagura
    what is sleep?
[06:20] Kagura
    When we close our eyes, we're just shutting our eyelids.
[06:24] Kagura
    Our eyeballs are still darting around.
[06:27] Kagura
    It's completely dark, but that's because we're looking at the inside of our eyelids.
[06:31] Kagura
    It doesn't mean we're asleep.
[06:33] Kagura
    To prove it, if you close your eyes during the day, it's completely red.
[06:37] Kagura
    What do I do with my eyeballs if I want to fall asleep?
[06:40] Kagura
    Should I just stare at the inside of my eyelids?
[06:43] Kagura
    Or should I look up?
[06:45] Kagura
    What do I do to-
[06:47] Gintoki
    Cut it out!
[06:49] Gintoki
    Now I can't fall asleep!
[06:51] Gintoki
    What are you going to do about this?!
[06:53] Gintoki
    Now that you got me thinking about it, I can't fall asleep either!
[06:56] Gintoki
    Did I look up? Did I look down?
[06:59] Gintoki
    I don't know what to do with my eyeballs!
[07:01] Kagura
    And do we breathe with our mouths when we sleep?
[07:04] Kagura
    Or with our noses?
[07:05] Kagura
    Or do we breathe in through our mouths and out through our noses?
[07:08] Kagura
    Or do we breathe in through our noses and out through our mouths?
[07:10] Gintoki
    Cut it out!
[07:11] Kagura
    Should I cross my arms?
[07:13] Kagura
    Should I leave them at my sides?
[07:14] Kagura
    Outside the covers?
[07:16] Kagura
    Inside the covers?
[07:17] Kagura
    How should the pillow be placed?
[07:19] Kagura
    Face-up?
[07:20] Kagura
    Face-down?
[07:20] Gintoki
    Cut it out!
[07:21] Kagura
    Where do we come from? Where are we going?
[07:25] Kagura
    What's beyond the edge of the universe?
[07:28] Kagura
    Why doesn't anime make lots of money?
[07:30] Gintoki
    Cut it out!
[07:32] Gintoki
    I can't sleep!
[07:33] Gintoki
    I don't feel like sleeping at all!
[07:35] Gintoki
    Was it this hard to fall asleep?!
[07:38] Gintoki
    Did we go through such an ordeal every night?!
[07:41] Kagura
    What is sleep again?
[07:43] Gintoki
    Shut up!
[07:44] Gintoki
    You'll never fall asleep if you make everything so complicated!
[07:47] Gintoki
    How much of a failure are you?!
[07:49] Gintoki
    Even Ken Takakura could do a better job!
SIGN    [Note: Actor Ken Takakura is known for the phrase, "I'm a failure."]
[07:52] Kagura
    I feel more and more awake.
[07:54] Kagura
    What do I do?
[07:55] Kagura
    At this rate, I'll never fall asleep for rest of my life.
[07:58] Gintoki
    Give me a break.
[08:00] Gintoki
    Didn't I tell you that we have work tomorrow?
[08:02] Gintoki
    It's 2:30 in the morning.
[08:05] Gintoki
    We have to wake up at 7:00 tomorrow.
[08:07] Gintoki
    We only have four and a half hours to sleep.
[08:09] Gintoki
    That'd even make Napoleon bitch when he woke up.
[08:12] Gintoki
    "My dictionary says I only sleep for three hours but read between the lines!"
SIGN    [Note: Napoleon is known for only sleeping three hours a day. He is also known for the quote "The word impossible is not in my dictionary."]
[08:17] Kagura
    What should I do?
[08:19] Kagura
    Don't fall asleep before me, Gin-chan.
[08:21] Gintoki
    For now, stop thinking about that stuff.
[08:24] Gintoki
    Don't use your head.
[08:27] Gintoki
    Okay?
[08:28] Gintoki
    Sleep isn't supposed to be something you can consciously force.
[08:35] Gintoki
    Humans who live regular lives will naturally fall asleep at night.
[08:41] Gintoki
    If you work your sweaty ass off for a whole day,
[08:44] Gintoki
    you'll be so tired you can comfortably fall asleep.
[08:46] Gintoki
    That's how sleep is supposed to work.
[08:50] Kagura
    I see...
[08:52] Kagura
    I can't fall asleep because I was lying around the whole day.
[08:56] Gintoki
    Right?
[08:58] Gintoki
    The problem is with your lifestyle, not with your sleeping style.
SIGN    ["Don't just lay there! Help me clean up the house!"]
[09:02] Kagura
    You're one to talk.
[09:04] Gintoki
    If you understand, go run a lap around town.
[09:08] Gintoki
    What you lack is fatigue.
[09:10] Kagura
    I got it.
[09:11] Kagura
    I'm going off for a run.
[09:14] Kagura
    Gin-chan, you can't fall asleep before me.
[09:17] Kagura
    You'd better stay up.
[09:23] Kagura
    Gin-chan...
[09:26] Kagura
    Hey, Gin-chan...
[09:31] Kagura
    I can't fall asleep.
[09:34] Kagura
    I did the running...
[09:36] Kagura
    But now...
[09:38] Kagura
    I'm so hot...
[09:40] Kagura
    I can't fall asleep.
[09:43] Gintoki
    Who told you to run as hard as you can?!
[09:46] Gintoki
    Of course you can't fall asleep when you're all sweaty like that!
[09:49] Kagura
    I figured I'd fall asleep faster if I was more tired,
[09:52] Kagura
    so I ran fifty laps around town.
[09:55] Kagura
    Sleep is out of the question now.
[09:56] Kagura
    It feels like all my cells have activated.
[10:00] Gintoki
    Feels like it?
[10:01] Gintoki
    Your brain cells are dying!
[10:04] Gintoki
    You can't fall asleep right after exercising so hard!
[10:07] Gintoki
    Go take a bath and cool yourself off!
[10:10] Gintoki
    You've gotten my futon all sweaty now!
[10:13] Kagura
    No.
[10:14] Kagura
    I don't have time for that.
[10:15] Kagura
    I have to fall asleep as soon as possible.
[10:23] Gintoki
    You're a busy person, huh?
[10:25] Gintoki
    First you want to sleep.
[10:27] Gintoki
    Now you're hungry.
[10:28] Gintoki
    I envy you!
[10:29] Gintoki
    It must be fun to have so many things to do!
[10:31] Kagura
    That isn't my stomach. I'm farting.
[10:34] Gintoki
    I don't care what it is! Can you be quiet?!
[10:37] Gintoki
    How long is that going to continue?!
[10:40] Gintoki
    It's so noisy I can't fall asleep.
[10:43] Gintoki
    Fine.
[10:45] Gintoki
    I'll go make you something to eat.
[10:47] Gintoki
    You go take a bath during that time.
[10:49] Kagura
    Food?!
[10:50] Gintoki
    Everybody feels like sleeping after a meal, right?
[10:52] Gintoki
    It's not very healthy, but that's a sacrifice you'll have to make.
[10:56] Gintoki
    At this rate, I won't be getting any sleep either.
[11:00] Kagura
    Gin-chan!
[11:01] Gintoki
    Man, you stink!
[11:02] Gintoki
    Stay away! Go take a bath!
[11:04] Kagura
    Thanks, Gin-chan!
[11:10] Kagura
    Gin-chan...
[11:12] Kagura
    Hey, Gin-chan...
SIGN    [Note: Kagura is using the Lamaze method of breathing for expectant mothers.]
[11:20] Gintoki
    What are you doing?
[11:22] Kagura
    I don't feel like sleeping at all.
[11:25] Kagura
    I took a bath,
[11:28] Kagura
    but I'm having trouble breathing so I can't fall asleep!
[11:31] Gintoki
    Who told you to eat so much that you'd start breathing with your diaphragm?!
[11:34] Gintoki
    Of course you can't fall asleep when your stomach's that full!
[11:36] Kagura
    But...
[11:37] Kagura
    You made all that food...
[11:41] Gintoki
    The rest of that was for breakfast!
[11:43] Gintoki
    Why did you eat my share, stupid brat?!
[11:45] Kagura
    It's no use...
[11:47] Kagura
    I'm in so much pain I can't even turn over...
[11:49] Kagura
    I'll go run myself into shape...
SIGN    [Note: "Shape Up Ran" was a JUMP manga from the 80s.]
[11:52] Kagura
    By taking a run.
[11:53] Gintoki
    Who told you to be witty?!
[11:55] Gintoki
    Cut it out!
[11:56] Gintoki
    That'll just put us back where we started!
[11:59] Gintoki
    Ah...
[12:00] Gintoki
    Fine.
[12:01] Gintoki
    You don't have to work tomorrow.
[12:03] Gintoki
    Shinpachi and I can handle it.
[12:05] Gintoki
    So don't force yourself to sleep.
[12:07] Gintoki
    Just let me sleep, okay?
[12:09] Kagura
    No!
[12:10] Kagura
    Staying up late is bad for my skin!
[12:12] Gintoki
    Someone whose stomach is sticking all the way out shouldn't be talking about skin care!
[12:16] Gintoki
    Come on.
[12:17] Gintoki
    It's already 4:00.
[12:18] Gintoki
    I have to wake up at 7:00 tomorrow.
[12:19] Gintoki
    That's in three hours.
[12:20] Gintoki
    That'd even make Napoleon bitch at his mom in the morning!
[12:24] Gintoki
    He'd probably whine about the quality of the miso soup!
[12:26] Gintoki
    "The word eggplant is not in my dictionary."
[12:32] Kagura
    Fine.
[12:34] Kagura
    I'll stop making a fuss.
[12:35] Kagura
    I won't bother you anymore.
[12:38] Kagura
    You already fed me.
[12:43] Kagura
    But if it's too quiet, I start thinking about stuff.
[12:47] Kagura
    Can I turn on the radio?
[12:49] Gintoki
    If you keep the volume down.
[12:56] Dj
    Young Night Train!
[12:58] Dj
    So let's get started!
[13:01] Dj
    This is DJ Junnijiro, who just had a kidney stone removed,
[13:05] Dj
    with stories that make you cry within three minutes!
[13:13] Dj
    Young Night Train!
[13:17] Dj
    So let's get started!
[13:20] Dj
    This is DJ Junnijiro with stories that make you cry within three minutes!
[13:24] Dj
    Allow me to introduce the first letter.
[13:26] Dj
    This letter is from Radio Name Tom.
[13:30] Dj
    "Sorry, Jerry."
SIGN    [Note: From Tom and Jerry.]
[13:35] N
    I will never forget about the first friend I ever had.
[13:39] N
    It happened during summer ten years ago.
[13:43] N
    I was a shy and quiet child who always played by myself.
[13:49] N
    So my father brought me a friend.
[13:53] N
    That was Jerry.
[14:00] N
    Jerry and I were always together.
[14:02] N
    We went everywhere together.
[14:05] N
    We did everything together.
[14:08] N
    Just like real friends.
[14:12] N
    I taught him many tricks.
[14:15] Tom
    Wait!
[14:21] N
    Jerry's best trick was to wait.
[14:23] N
    He would wait as long as I told him,
[14:25] N
    even when a feast was placed before him.
[14:31] N
    I didn't need any friends besides Jerry.
[14:34] N
    That's how I felt at the time.
[14:38] N
    But on the other hand,
[14:40] N
    an increasing number of children showed up who were interested in Jerry.
[14:46] N
    The next thing I knew, I'd made lots of friends besides Jerry.
[14:51] Tom
    Wait.
[14:57] N
    It didn't take very long for my interest to shift from Jerry to other things.
[15:03] N
    Jerry longed to play with me the way we used to.
[15:07] N
    Jerry would bark at me.
[15:10] N
    That was when his best trick would come in handy.
[15:14] N
    I would say one word to Jerry.
[15:16] N
    "Wait."
[15:17] N
    Jerry would always wait there for my return.
[15:22] N
    Without moving an inch.
[15:23] N
    He just waited for me to return.
[15:28] N
    By chance, my father's store went out of business,
[15:32] N
    and my affluent family fell to ruin.
[15:35] N
    Chased by debtors,
[15:38] N
    we were forced to escape with only the clothes on our backs.
[15:41] N
    Though I was only a child,
[15:45] N
    I was still able to understand what must be abandoned in that situation.
[15:52] N
    Perhaps he realized his own fate.
[15:54] N
    Jerry chased after me without pause.
[16:08] Tom
    Wait!
[16:10] N
    I delivered the usual word in a cold voice.
[16:17] N
    Wait.
[16:21] N
    I left Jerry behind without ever looking back.
[16:30] N
    A few months later, I returned to that spot.
[16:36] N
    I had already moved to a faraway city,
[16:39] N
    but I couldn't stop thinking about Jerry.
[16:43] N
    Jerry had to be fine.
[16:45] N
    Somebody must have taken him in.
[16:48] N
    In retrospect, I probably wanted peace of mind.
[16:53] N
    I wanted to see Jerry alive as soon as I could,
[16:58] N
    so I wouldn't have to feel guilty.
[17:05] N
    Jerry hadn't become someone else's pet or a rotting corpse.
[17:10] N
    Jerry was waiting as always.
[17:14] N
    Without moving a step.
[17:15] N
    Waiting for my return.
[17:20] Old Man
    Sad, isn't it?
[17:22] Old Man
    He was abandoned there a while back.
[17:26] Old Man
    Kind people would try to take him with them,
[17:29] Old Man
    or feed him or the like.
[17:32] Old Man
    But this boy refused to budge at all.
[17:38] Old Man
    In time, people stopped paying attention to him.
[17:43] Old Man
    He couldn't have expected his owner to return.
[17:49] Old Man
    Either way, it's a sad story.
[17:56] N
    I reached out to softly pat his head,
[17:59] N
    and his eyelids slowly parted to look up at me.
[18:04] N
    Jerry's tail wagged ever so slightly.
[18:09] N
    And then, he never moved again.
[18:15] Old Man
    Little lady...
[18:17] Old Man
    I see, you were his owner.
[18:22] Tom
    Jerry was waiting for me to come back!
[18:26] Tom
    Waiting the whole time...
[18:28] Tom
    The whole time...
[18:32] Tom
    Jerry!
[18:34] Tom
    How can I apologize to you?!
[18:37] Tom
    How many times do I need to apologize to you?!
[18:39] Tom
    You gave me so much!
[18:42] Tom
    You taught me how to shed my loneliness when I was all alone!
[18:46] Tom
    You opened up the world to me!
[18:49] Tom
    You were my first friend!
[18:52] Tom
    And yet...
[18:53] Tom
    I...
[18:54] Tom
    I did...
[18:56] Tom
    I did such a terrible thing to my precious friend!
[19:02] Old Man
    There's no need to apologize.
[19:04] Old Man
    He was always waiting for you.
[19:07] Old Man
    And you came.
[19:09] Old Man
    What else did he need?
[19:12] Old Man
    He must have been happy to meet his owner in the end.
[19:16] Tom
    That's not true! He must hate me!
[19:19] Tom
    Because I was the one who caused Jerry's death!
[19:23] Old Man
    Jerry isn't dead.
[19:25] Old Man
    He's still alive.
[19:27] Tom
    Where?!
[19:28] Tom
    Where is he?!
[19:30] Old Man
    Of course...
[19:34] Old Man
    Right behind you!
[19:44] Gintoki
    What is this?
[19:46] Gintoki
    What kind of story is this?
[19:47] Gintoki
    Why did a touching story turn into a scary story at the end?!
[19:50] Gintoki
    How would this make people cry?!
[19:52] Gintoki
    More like cry out in terror!
[19:55] Gintoki
    I can't sleep after hearing such a crazy story!
[19:58] Gintoki
    The station must be getting barraged by complaints right now!
[20:01] Gintoki
    That really caught me off guard.
[20:03] Gintoki
    Not that I was scared or anything.
[20:06] Gintoki
    Hey, Kagura!
[20:07] Gintoki
    No more radio!
[20:08] Gintoki
    I can't listen to this...
[20:13] Gintoki
    H-Huh? She fell asleep.
[20:18] Gintoki
    R-Really...
[20:20] Gintoki
    She finally fell asleep?
[20:22] Gintoki
    Way to cause so much trouble.
[20:25] Gintoki
    That's a relief...
[20:27] Gintoki
    Now I can sleep in peace.
[20:29] Gintoki
    Then I'll go to sleep, too.
[20:47] Old Man
    Right behind you!
[20:54] Gintoki
    Y-Yeah, right...
[20:57] Gintoki
    Y'know...
[20:58] Gintoki
    That crazy story isn't enough to scare me.
[21:02] Gintoki
    Though it surprised me a bit.
[21:04] Gintoki
    That was just a comedy.
[21:05] Gintoki
    There isn't much of a difference between horror and comedy.
[21:08] Gintoki
    This was totally...
[21:08] Old Man
    Right behind you!
[21:13] Gintoki
    C-Crap...
[21:15] Gintoki
    I'm starting to hear things 'cause I didn't get enough sleep.
[21:18] Gintoki
    Hey, now I can't fall asleep...?
[21:33] Gintoki
    Ah. Sorry if I woke you up, Kagura.
[21:35] Gintoki
    Looks like I'm sick.
[21:40] Gintoki
    K-Kagura-chan. You're actually awake, right?
[21:43] Gintoki
    You were wide awake just a second ago.
[21:45] Gintoki
    This isn't funny, seriously.
[21:53] Gintoki
    Kagura-chan?
[21:55] Gintoki
    Hey, are you listening?
[21:56] Gintoki
    You're awake, right?
[21:58] Gintoki
    Awake, right?
[22:03] Gintoki
    Wake up!
[22:05] Gintoki
    Don't mess with me!
[22:06] Gintoki
    How much effort do you think I spent to put you to sleep?!
[22:09] Gintoki
    You just abandon me the second you're done?!
[22:12] Gintoki
    You could at least talk with me a bit!
[22:14] Gintoki
    You could at least come with me when I go to take a piss!
[22:17] Gintoki
    Are you going to keep pretending to sleep?
[22:20] Gintoki
    I'll beat you awake...
[22:24] Gintoki
    Okay, that's good.
[22:26] Gintoki
    Bring it on!
[22:27] Gintoki
    Like you're ready to die!
[22:28] Gintoki
    If you're gonna hit me, you had better knock me out!
[22:31] Gintoki
    No, really...
[22:32] Gintoki
    Please knock me out!
[22:33] Gintoki
    Somebody put me to sleep!
[24:11] Otae
    Kyu-chan, happy th birthday.
[24:15] Kyubei**
    The next episode...
[24:16] Kyubei
    "That Person Looks Different From Usual During A Birthday Party."
SIGN    [Tojo gathered everyone together to throw a surprise birthday party for Kyubei.]
SIGN    [The truth is the characters in this show don't actually age, so just let us stick with "**th."]
SIGN    [See you next time.]