E333 - Life, Death, and Shades / All the Answers Can Be Found in the Field

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!
[01:34] Gol
    Don't do it. You'll be mincemeat
    if you fall from this high up.
[01:38] Mad
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[01:39] Mad
    I just want to know if I
    still have the wings to fly.
[01:44] Mad
    And I came here to find out, is all.
[01:49] Gol
    Life is precious. Don't throw it away.
SIGN    Life, Death, and Shades
[01:55] Mad
    Look who's talking!
[01:57] Mad
    You totally wanna lay waste to a life!
[01:59] Mad
    You're totally trying to kill someone,
    right? You're an assassin, aren't you?!
[02:02] Gol
    Don't get the wrong idea.
    I'm just here to hunt boars.
[02:04] Mad
    From how far away are you
    trying to hunt boars?!
[02:08] Mad
    Really, don't be stupid.
    Don't commit a murder.
[02:11] Gol
    I don't wanna hear that from a suicidal man.
[02:12] Mad
    I don't wanna hear that from an assassin!
[02:13] Gol
    I don't wanna hear that from a
    man wearing filthy-ass shades.
[02:15] Mad
    I don't wanna hear that from
    a man wearing lame-ass shades!
[02:17] Gol
    Your shades are more lame.
[02:18] Mad
    Nah, your shades are more lame.
[02:21] Gol
    Let me be honest.
[02:23] Gol
    I couldn't care less what kind of shades
    you wear, or when and where you wear them.
[02:26] Mad
    We're talking about shades now?!
[02:28] Gol
    Besides, do you really
    have it in you to jump?
[02:34] Gol
    You've been doing this every
    day for the past month.
[02:41] Mad
    Even though I want to die,
[02:43] Mad
    thinking about shades smashing into
    the ground makes my shades tremble.
[02:49] Mad
    You're an assassin, right?
[02:51] Mad
    Do you know a way to die that isn't scary
    or sad and doesn't hurt or break shades?
[02:55] Gol
    You're basically saying you don't wanna die.
[02:58] Mad
    If nothing else, I want my shades to live on!
[03:01] Gol
    Can't you just take them off before you die?
[03:03] Gol
    I'm an assassin, you know.
[03:04] Gol
    If I stop to think about how my
    victims feel, I couldn't do my—
[03:07] Mad
    Oh, I know!
[03:08] Mad
    I could just have you kill me!
[03:11] Gol
    Wha—
[03:11] Mad
    You could send me to heaven in one shot,
    without letting me feel any pain or fear!
[03:16] Gol
    Screw you. Do you have any idea how much
    money is involved in each of my shots?
[03:20] Gol
    I don't waste my rounds.
[03:22] Gol
    Be it when I'm killing my targets
[03:23] Gol
    or when I'm making love to women.
[03:26] Gol
    All it takes is one shot.
    It's over in an instant.
[03:29] G
    Huh? Done already, CEO?
[03:31] Gol
    That's my creed.
SIGN    One and Done
[03:33] Gol
    and that's where my moniker of
    "One and Done Synshen" comes from.
SIGN    Synshen
[03:36] Mad
    They're just mocking you for
    shooting your load early!
[03:39] Mad
    Guess I'll have to kill myself
    right here and now, then.
[03:41] Gol
    Wait, wait.
[03:42] Gol
    How about this?
[03:43] Gol
    You head to the roof of that skyscraper now.
SIGN    Welcome to Earth!!
[03:46] Gol
    My target is taking part in
    a welcoming party there.
[03:49] Mad
    You're really hunting a boar?!
[03:51] Gol
    Once I give the signal, jump off the roof.
[03:55] Gol
    When you fall into my crosshairs
    that will be aimed at my target,
SIGN    Me
SIGN    Boar
[03:58] Gol
    I will pierce you both through with one shot.
[04:00] Gol
    That should do, right?
[04:01] Mad
    Aren't you making this too hard for yourself?
[04:04] Mad
    And the shades are being
    smashed to bits anyway!
[04:08] Mad
    I guess around here is fine.
[04:10] Mad
    Now I just have to wait for the signal.
[04:13] Mad
    With this, I can finally go to heaven—
[04:14] Gol2
    Don't do it.
[04:16] Gol2
    You'll be mincemeat if you
    fall from this high up.
[04:18] Gol2
    Put yourself in the shoes of the lady
    who runs the cutlet place down there.
[04:21] Gol2
    Actually, before all that...
[04:25] Gol2
    Life is precious. Don't throw it away.
[04:27] Mad
    Really?! Here, too?!
[04:29] Mad
    There's an assassin here, too?!
[04:32] Gol2
    If you don't want to die, leave at once.
[04:35] Mad
    But I do want to die!
[04:37] Gol2
    I hear that One and Done Synshen
    is targeting this building.
[04:41] Mad
    Could he be an assassin hired
    by Synshen's enemy to kill him?
[04:45] Mad
    I have to go tell him right now, or the
    assassin who's gonna kill me will lose his...
[04:50] Mad
    Wait.
[04:54] Gol2
    I see. Synshen is on that rooftop.
[04:58] Gol2
    I must thank you for telling me.
[05:00] Mad
    Oh, you can just shoot
    me in the head in return.
[05:05] Gol2
    Sorry, but I can't do that.
[05:07] Gol2
    Even an assassin has his creed.
[05:09] Gol2
    The only people I kill are
    scumbags like Synshen.
[05:13] Gol2
    Be it targets or women,
[05:15] Gol2
    I don't go after those on
    the straight and narrow.
[05:17] G
    Huh? Done already, CEO?
[05:19] Gol2
    That's where my moniker
    "Quickdraw Synron" comes from.
SIGN    Quickdraw
SIGN    Synron
[05:22] Mad
    Your moniker has nothing
    to do with your creed!
[05:24] Mad
    Are all assassins too
    quick to shoot their loads?
[05:26] Gol2
    How about we do this?
[05:27] Gol2
    You head back to that building
[05:30] Gol2
    and lure Synshen somewhere I can snipe him
[05:34] Gol2
    using a scummy tactic.
[05:36] Gol2
    If you do that, I promise to shoot
    both you scumbags in the head.
[05:41] Mad
    This has gotten even more complicated!
[05:44] Mad
    I came here to die!
[05:46] Mad
    Why am I playing accomplice
    in an assassination?!
[05:50] Mad
    S-Synshen...
[05:52] Mad
    They got me.
[05:54] Mad
    Run away.
[05:56] Mad
    The enemy already has the
    entire city under its control.
[06:00] Mad
    I wanted to let you know that
    your life is in grave danger...
[06:06] Gol
    Hey, hang in there!
[06:08] Mad
    B-Before I die, could you take me up there?
[06:13] Gol
    Just wait.
[06:14] Mad
    Hell yeah! He fell for it!
[06:17] Gol
    I'll get you to a hospital right away.
[06:19] Mad
    No, forget that. Just take
    me up there before I die.
[06:23] Gol
    You moron! Don't be so quick
    to say you're gonna die!
[06:26] Mad
    Why is he so full of passion?!
[06:28] Gol
    I told you that I'd kill you.
[06:30] Gol
    Don't you dare die until then.
[06:31] Mad
    He's a much nicer guy than I thought!
[06:34] Mad
    W-Wait. Aren't you a professional assassin?
[06:37] Mad
    Are you sure you should
    leave your job unfinished?
[06:39] Gol
    What do you think is more important?
    A job, or a person's life?
[06:42] Mad
    And who was it that was taking
    people's lives on the job?
[06:46] Gol
    Damn those scumbags.
[06:47] Mad
    Uh, you're the scumbag.
    Don't forget where you stand.
[06:50] Gol
    First they take my sister, and now
    they want to take my friend, too?
[06:53] Mad
    When did we become friends?!
[06:56] Gol
    What's going on?
[06:58] Gol
    Is there a sniper on that rooftop, too?
[07:00] Mad
    Sorry, Synron-san!
    This is as far as I can go!
[07:02] Mad
    I mean, he's actually a really nice guy!
[07:05] Gol
    I'll be the decoy.
[07:06] Gol
    In the meantime, you use this
    to take out that sniper.
[07:09] Mad
    Asking a half-dead guy to kill someone?
[07:11] Mad
    I can't tell if he's a nice
    guy or a bad guy anymore!
[07:14] Gol
    Don't die.
[07:15] Mad
    Like I said, I came here to die!
[07:18] Mad
    What the hell is going on?!
[07:20] Mad
    I came here to die!
[07:22] Mad
    I don't care anymore! I'll kill or whatever!
[07:25] Mad
    If I actually try to kill
    Synron, I'm sure he'll kill me.
[07:30] Mad
    He's already dead!
[07:32] Mad
    Hey! What are you doing?
[07:35] Gol2
    S-Sorry, I screwed up.
[07:38] Gol2
    I panicked and rushed to kill Synshen,
    but I failed to notice my rounds were gone.
[07:43] Mad
    He took that chance to hit you?
[07:45] Gol2
    No, like I said...
[07:48] Gol2
    I lost my rounds.
[07:50] Mad
    That really is one hell of a screw-up!
[07:51] Gol2
    If I don't have any rounds, I can't kill you.
[07:55] Mad
    You don't need those round ones for that.
[07:57] Gol
    I'm no longer fit to be a sniper.
[08:00] G
    Huh? Done already, CEO?
[08:01] Mad
    You were never fit and firing there anyway!
[08:04] Gol
    But it's fine.
[08:06] Gol
    Even if I did have the rounds,
    I wouldn't have been able to fire.
[08:10] Gol
    Some scumbag he was.
[08:12] Gol
    I can't believe he acted like that in front
    of his enemy in the middle of a hit job.
[08:17] Gol
    Do you know why my boss is
    being targeted by Synshen?
[08:21] ---
    This is what people call him behind his back:
[08:24] ---
    "slave trader."
[08:26] ---
    The stuff he peddles includes people
[08:30] ---
    and Synshen's kid sister who was
    with him when he was an orphan.
[08:35] ---
    Only then did he start walking
    down the path of a scumbag.
[08:39] ---
    So when I saw him do that,
    I realized something.
[08:43] ---
    He came here as a brother
    trying to save his sister.
[08:47] ---
    Could you tell him something for me?
[08:50] ---
    "I don't have the rounds
    to shoot you with anymore,
[08:55] ---
    but I still have enough
    to unload into scumbags!"
[09:00] Mad
    Unload those into me, not scumbags!
[09:04] Mad
    I'm done with this crap!
[09:05] Mad
    I'm just gonna jump off the roof!
[09:11] Gol
    It's been 20 years since we were sold off.
[09:14] Gol
    Our appearances have changed
    completely since then,
[09:16] Gol
    and we even cast our names aside,
[09:19] Gol
    but it seems we both chose to walk down
    the same path to get our sibling back.
[09:24] Gol
    You don't have the rounds
    to shoot me with anymore?
[09:26] Gol
    Ichiko, you never had any
    round ones to begin with.
[09:31] Boar
    You siblings would've been
    better off killing each other.
[09:35] Boar
    If you two can't settle things
    yourselves, I can help.
[09:40] Gol
    You were always like that, Ichiko.
[09:43] Gol
    You loved to dress up like
    a boy and play with us.
[09:49] (Flashback) Gol2
    You're so mean, Ichiro-nii!
[09:51] (Flashback) Gol2
    I'm out of water here!
[09:55] (Flashback) Gol
    That's why I keep telling you...
[09:56] Gol
    You're too quick to shoot your load.
[09:59] (Flashback) Gol2
    Jeez! How can I win, then?
[10:02] (Flashback) Gol
    Isn't that obvious?
[10:06] Gol
    You put everything you have into one shot.
[10:11] Boar
    Is he going to shoot me
    along with his sister?
[10:14] Gol
    Get ready for my best shot.
[10:18] Gol
    Because I've already fired it.
[10:20] Mad
    If you can kill me, I'd like to see you try!
[10:36] Mad
    Man, in the end...
[10:40] Mad
    I didn't die!
[10:49] Gol
    Looks like your wings are still right there.
[10:56] Mat
    In our job, fieldwork is everything.
SIGN    Special Crash Course for Upper Management Candidates
[11:00] Mat
    But in any organization, the skilled
    employees are the first to leave the field
[11:04] Mat
    and take up leadership roles.
[11:07] Mat
    All of you master investigators will
    learn how the nectar of authority tastes.
[11:13] Mat
    But I didn't promote you just so you could rot.
[11:18] Mat
    What I'm basically trying to say is,
[11:20] Mat
    no matter how far up the ladder you climb,
[11:23] Mat
    never forget the field where you came from.
[11:25] Hij
    Pearls of wisdom from the super boss who
    spends taxpayer money on cabaret clubs.
[11:30] Kon
    Don't be like that, Toshi.
[11:32] Hij
    We don't need a crash course.
    We're drowning in fieldwork every day.
[11:39] Hij
    I mean, we're full of idiots who think
    desk work means sleeping on a desk.
[11:44] Hij
    And who is he calling master investigators?
[11:47] Hij
    These useless rich kids who landed comfy
    jobs using their family names and contacts?
[11:51] Kon
    Hey, Toshi! They can hear you!
[11:53] Hij
    I want them to.
[11:55] Hij
    Oh, sorry. You're a rich kid from
    a famous family too, aren't you...
[12:00] Hij
    Mimawarigumi Chief Sasaki-dono?
[12:03] Isa
    No need to worry, Shinsengumi
    Vice Chief Hijikata-dono.
[12:08] Isa
    Once I become director-general, I'll effect
    elite reform by the elite for the elite.
[12:14] Isa
    For starters, maybe I should
    fire that napping thorny
[12:16] Isa
    and the dummy spreading secondhand smoke.
[12:20] Isa
    Don't you agree, Nobume-san?
[12:23] Hij
    Elite reform, my ass! Your subordinate
    is napping in class, too!
[12:27] Nob
    I'm not napping.
[12:29] Nob
    I'm snacking.
SIGN    Japanese for Good Kids
[12:30] Hij
    They're both equally bad!
[12:31] Oki
    Hate to break it to ya,
    but I'm not napping, either.
[12:34] Oki
    I was pretending so people wouldn't figure
    out during recess that I have no friends.
[12:38] Hij
    Why the triumphant look?
[12:40] Hij
    Why are you two competing over school tropes?
[12:42] Hij
    Also, a guy messing with his phone during
    a lecture has no right to complain to me.
[12:46] Isa
    I'm merely noting down the important points.
[12:49] Hij
    And I'm using nicotine to clear
    my head so I can pay attention!
[12:52] Isa
    Crap, game over.
[12:54] Hij
    So you were just playing a mobile game!
[12:57] Mat
    Keep it down, you louts!
[13:00] Mat
    Beat it to the hallway
    in under three seconds,
[13:03] Mat
    or I'll blow your brains out.
[13:05] Mat
    One...
SIGN    All the Answers
    Can Be Found in the Field
[13:07] All
    What happened to two and three?!
SIGN    Special Crash Course for Upper Management Candidates
[13:11] Mat
    So, yeah...
[13:14] Mat
    We'll have these guys act as guinea pigs,
    experience a crime scene, and investigate.
[13:19] Mat
    It's just a simulation, but I want you
    all to rack your brains along with them.
[13:22] Hij
    I don't care if it's a simulation
    or whatever. Bring it on.
[13:25] Isa
    Yes, though we'd rather not be compared
    to these people. Right, Nobume-san?
SIGN    Records of the Three Kingdoms
[13:29] Nob
    If you defeat Cao Cao
    early, you lose motivation
[13:32] Nob
    and stop caring about uniting China.
[13:34] Oki
    Cao Cao can be the last boss, then.
    Whoever defeats Wei first wins.
[13:38] Kon
    Okay, he said simulation, but not that kind!
[13:40] Mat
    A fictional crime scene
    will be displayed in VR.
[13:43] Mat
    Analyze the crime using the clues at
    the scene and identify the culprit.
[13:52] Kon
    Wh-What is this?
[13:54] Kon
    It's like the real thing!
[13:56] Mat
    This is HQ, you know. We have
    all the cutting-edge tech.
[14:00] Mat
    And we have files on every
    kind of case imaginable.
[14:03] Mat
    This case, based on a massive amount of
    data, is no different from the real thing.
[14:09] Mat
    Here's the gist of it. A corpse
    was found on this river bank.
[14:13] Mat
    An old lady living nearby
    was the first to find it.
[14:16] Mat
    She testified that she was here to do laundry
    when she saw it drift by from upstream.
[14:26] Kon
    What kind of case is this?!
[14:28] Kon
    HQ's case files clearly have
    folktales from Japan mixed in!
[14:32] Mat
    I hear a similar case happened in the past.
[14:34] Kon
    Like hell it did! This is Momotaro!
[14:37] Hij
    We don't know for sure
    that this is Momotaro yet.
[14:40] Kon
    Uh, he obviously is.
    He was even inside a peach.
[14:42] Hij
    Acting on misconceptions
    can lead to mistakes.
[14:45] Kon
    The granny was here to do laundry!
[14:47] Hij
    Pops, was the peach already
    split when it was found?
[14:51] Mat
    Granny testified that she pulled it out
    in this state when it came drifting by.
[14:55] Kon
    We're actually doing this? We're
    investigating this stupid case?
[14:58] Hij
    That's weird.
[14:59] Hij
    If he came drifting by in this state,
    Momotaro's body should be wet.
[15:04] Kon
    You just called him Momotaro.
    You admitted it is him, right?
[15:06] Hij
    Also, can an old lady really drag a
    peach with an adult inside all this way?
[15:12] Hij
    There's something off here.
[15:13] Kon
    Yeah, like an adult being inside a peach!
[15:16] Hij
    The granny probably wasn't
    alone when she found this.
[15:20] Hij
    What is Gramps's alibi?
[15:21] Mat
    Cutting grass in the mountains.
[15:22] Kon
    That was an alibi?!
[15:24] Kon
    It was something that scary?
SIGN    Old Man Possession 1
SIGN    Sickle
[15:26] Hij
    Pops, get us a DNA comparison on
    Gramps's sickle and Momotaro's blood.
[15:30] Kon
    What are you thinking? That's terrifying!
[15:32] Hij
    The fatal wound matches the
    way the peach was split.
[15:35] Hij
    In other words, he was killed by the
    old couple when they split the peach.
[15:40] Kon
    What the hell kind of folktale is this?!
[15:42] Hij
    They didn't do it on purpose.
    It was an accident.
[15:45] Hij
    But that's why they fabricated alibis...
[15:47] Isa
    You're mistaken.
[15:49] Isa
    It seems you're the one who is
    shackled by the story of Momotaro.
[15:53] Isa
    That's why you overlooked
    a vital piece of evidence.
[15:56] Hij
    What?
[15:57] Isa
    You're too fixated on the man inside
    the peach, the granny's laundry,
[16:00] Isa
    and Gramps's grass cutting.
[16:02] Isa
    Hence, you assumed that this tragedy
    occurred at the start of the Momotaro story.
[16:07] Isa
    But that's a mistake. Why, you ask?
[16:11] Isa
    Ask yourself, why is Momotaro so big when
    he was only just born from the peach?
[16:16] Kon
    You're taking issue with that now?!
[16:18] Kon
    You ignore the "born from a peach"
    thing and take issue with that?!
[16:21] Kon
    And why are you shocked?!
[16:23] Isa
    Going from his filthy clothes
    and the lack of kibi dango,
[16:27] Isa
    we can tell that he'd already
    finished fighting the ogres.
[16:31] Isa
    This incident happened
    after the end of the story.
[16:34] Hij
    Then why was he inside a peach again?
[16:37] Isa
    Look at this wound.
[16:39] Isa
    There's pretty much no sign of blood loss.
[16:42] Isa
    This proves that he was already
    dead when he got the wound.
[16:46] Isa
    What that means is...
[16:48] Isa
    Somebody killed him and
    dumped him in the river
[16:51] Isa
    in order to frame that old couple for murder.
[16:54] Kon
    Why is this getting so complicated?!
[16:56] Isa
    It was all camouflage.
[16:59] Isa
    But thanks to that, we can narrow
    down the list of suspects.
[17:02] Isa
    When you consider Momotaro's
    situation after fighting the ogres,
[17:06] Isa
    the true culprit
[17:09] Isa
    can only be one of these three.
[17:12] Isa
    It is said that Momotaro's party
    brought back treasure from Onigashima.
[17:17] Isa
    But we're talking about animals
    and a peach-born monster here.
[17:20] Isa
    It's not hard to picture them
    fighting over the treasure.
[17:24] Kon
    How much must you corrupt Momotaro
    before you're satisfied?
[17:26] Isa
    Among them, the only one who can place
    such a cunning trap is the mon—
[17:29] Oki
    It wasn't the monkey.
[17:32] Oki
    Shackled by the story of Momotaro,
    you overlooked something vital.
[17:39] Oki
    Monkeys can't use money.
[17:42] Kon
    Why does Captain Obvious
    have such a smug look?!
[17:44] Kon
    Their reasoning is getting
    stupider by the minute!
[17:47] Kon
    And why do you have a look of shock?!
[17:49] Oki
    In other words, the real culprit
    is either the dog or the pheasant.
[17:54] Kon
    Dogs and pheasants can't use money, either!
[17:56] Nob
    You're wrong.
[17:58] Nob
    None of them is the culprit.
[18:01] Nob
    You're so shackled by the Momotaro
    story that you've gone blind.
[18:05] Oki
    What? How can you say for sure?
[18:08] Nob
    Because that'd be a pain.
[18:10] Kon
    She ultimately wrote it off as a pain!
[18:13] Kon
    Anyone would look shocked after that!
[18:16] Hij
    Well, they're all animals either way.
    Can't really question them.
[18:19] Hij
    Pops, I'd like to see the autopsy report.
[18:21] Hij
    There must be another fatal wound somewhere.
[18:24] Mat
    Sorry to say this, Toshi,
[18:26] Mat
    but this is the only external
    wound that stands out.
[18:29] Mat
    However, x-rays did find something
    strange in his trachea.
[18:35] Mat
    Something shaped like a dango.
[18:37] Kon
    Uh, he totally died choking on kibi dango!
[18:40] Isa
    This is why I can't stand plebs.
    That's not kibi dango.
[18:42] Isa
    It's what the monkey pooped out
    after eating the kibi dango.
[18:45] Isa
    You know how monkeys throw their own poop?
    I knew it, the monkey was the culprit.
[18:48] Isa
    I was right. An elite was right.
[18:50] Isa
    Praise the elite.
[18:51] Kon
    You're not thinking like an elite now!
[18:52] Hij
    You stupid? The gramps and gran would
    obviously be the ones feeding him.
[18:57] Hij
    Tempted by the treasure, they choked
    him to death using kibi dango.
[19:01] Hij
    The old farts really were
    the culprits. I was right.
[19:03] Hij
    Praise mayonnaise.
[19:04] Kon
    Didn't you paint them in a
    totally different light before?
[19:06] Isa
    The monkey.
[19:07] Hij
    Gramps and gran.
[19:08] Isa
    The monkey.
[19:09] Hij
    Gramps and gran.
[19:10] Isa
    The monkey's gramps and gran.
[19:11] Hij
    Gramps and gran's monkey.
[19:13] Isa
    We agreed it was the monkey just now, right?
[19:15] Oki
    Okay, fine. Let's take the middle option
    and say it was the eunuch monkey.
[19:19] Kon
    Middle option of what?
    Where'd the gramps and gran go?
[19:21] Nob
    It can be Monkey and Aska's
    gramps and gran, then.
[19:24] Kon
    Wait, what happened to Chage?
[19:25] Isa
    At this point, let's settle
    this once and for all.
[19:28] Isa
    Director-General, it doesn't
    matter if they're animals.
[19:31] Isa
    Let us question Momotaro's party.
[19:33] Mat
    Oh, if you want them...
[19:37] Mat
    They're in here.
[19:38] Kon
    All the suspects have been eaten!
[19:40] Isa
    Wait, are you saying Momotaro
    was the perpetrator?
[19:45] Isa
    I see. So that's how it is.
[19:49] Isa
    They were stranded on the
    way back from Onigashima.
[19:54] Isa
    The sad fate of his party is proof enough.
[19:58] Isa
    Instead of treasure, they fought to eat
    each other's kibi dango and bodies.
[20:04] Isa
    And almost like divine punishment,
[20:08] Isa
    the last bite, his friend's kibi
    dango, got caught in his throat.
[20:14] Isa
    The one who killed him was
    none other than himself.
[20:19] Kon
    No way... That can't be.
[20:21] Kon
    How can such a laughable cause of
    death turn into something so sad?
[20:27] Kon
    Toshi...
[20:28] Hij
    This is what the field is like.
[20:31] Hij
    It shoves harsh realities and even
    harsher truths right into our faces.
[20:37] Hij
    But we must not avert our eyes.
[20:40] Hij
    As cops, we have the duty to find the
    truth even if it's shrouded in darkness.
[20:47] Kon
    T-Toshi!
[20:51] Hij
    Look at this.
SIGN    No sneaking bites.
[20:53] Hij
    It's a bag.
[20:54] Hij
    It likely had kibi dango inside.
[20:57] Hij
    He probably didn't eat a single dango.
SIGN    No sneaking bites.
[21:02] Hij
    He must've given them all to his friends
    and chewed on his sandals or something.
[21:06] Hij
    But they went down one after another.
[21:09] Hij
    Considering how he could eat crap like this,
[21:11] Hij
    he must've ended up being the last one alive.
[21:14] Hij
    The rest of the story is as you said.
[21:17] Hij
    He chose that path in order to live.
[21:20] Hij
    You can't eat a bag like this
    unless you have extreme resolve.
[21:25] Hij
    He must've really wanted to live...
[21:26] Hij
    His friends' share of life, too.
[21:29] Kon
    Toshi...
[21:30] Isa
    Are you saying that sappy crap
    was the kind of reality you saw?
[21:35] Hij
    That's right.
[21:36] Hij
    This is the truth I believe in,
    the truth I found at this crime scene!
[21:39] Mat
    Bzzt.
[21:44] Mat
    Too bad. Close, but no cigar.
[21:48] Mat
    You got the "Momotaro was killed" part right.
[21:51] Mat
    But this isn't Momotaro.
[21:56] Mat
    It's the boss of Onigashima, who ate
    the entire Momotaro party alive.
[22:00] Mat
    Disguised as Momotaro, he came to
    the mainland to eat more humans...
[22:05] Mat
    But he died without achieving his goal.
SIGN    Cause of Death
[22:07] Mat
    Basically,
[22:10] Mat
    the real culprit is a brain tumor. That's it.
[22:15] Mat
    That's it.
SIGN    The End
[22:17] Mat
    That's it!
SIGN    3000 Leagues in Search of a Scabbard
[23:50] Gin
    Next time: "3000 Leagues
    in Search of a Scabbard."
SIGN    Sure, it's been a while since we've seen Tetsuko,
SIGN    but she has a fair amount of screen time, like in the live-action movie.
SIGN    Perhaps because he treated swords like crap at a smithy,
SIGN    Gintoki's butthole gets attacked by one!