E54 - Mothers Everywhere Are All the Same

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:13] Mom
    You! How long are you going to sleep?! Good grief!
[00:16] Mom
    Come on! Get up! Breakfast is ready!
[00:19] Gintoki
    Leave me alone. I don't want breakfast.
[00:21] Mom
    Don't be silly! Breakfast gives your brain energy for the whole day!
[00:26] Mom
    Monta Mino said so on TV!
SIGN    [Note: An afternoon talk show host]
[00:31] Gintoki
    W-Wait...really, gimme a break. I have a hangover.
[00:35] Mom
    You shouldn't drink so much at your age. Pull yourself together!
[00:40] Kagura
    What's with all the noise so early in the morning?
[00:45] Mom
    Good grief! You've got too much sleep in your eyes, girl. Go wash your face.
[00:49] Kagura
    Shut up. I don't take orders from anyone.
[00:53] Mom
    Then you leave me no choice. Come on, turn this way.
[00:56] Kagura
    Phew! Stinky!
[00:57] Mom
    There, all better. Girls have to keep themselves clean.
[01:04] Mom
    You're such hopeless kids.
[01:07] ---
    How much rice? A large serving? Medium?
[01:09] Gintoki
    Okay, medium.
[01:11] Mom
    What's the matter with you?! You're too thin!
[01:14] ---
    Boys are healthy when they're just a bit chubby!
[01:17] Gintoki
    Then don't ask me in the first place. Quit nagging me.
[01:19] Mom
    Don't talk back!
[01:21] ---
    You're always trying to trip me up!
[01:24] Shinpachi
    Good morning.
[01:26] ---
    Huh? Something smells good.
[01:27] Mom
    Oh, 'morning.
[01:29] Shinpachi
    Good morning.
[01:31] Mom
    Are you people taking proper care of this puppy?!
[01:33] Mom
    You have to look after living creatures until they die, you know!
[01:36] Shinpachi
    Oh, I'm sorry.
[01:38] Mom
    Never mind. Eat quickly.
[01:40] Shinpachi
    Uh...okay...
[01:42] Mom
    How much rice? Medium? Large?
[01:44] Shinpachi
    No, thank you. I already ate.
[01:46] Mom
    What're you talking about?
[01:47] ---
    You wear glasses! Your eyes are bad because you don't eat enough!
[01:51] Shinpachi
    No, I don't think glasses have anything to do with it.
[01:53] Mom
    Don't talk back! You're always trying to trip me up!
[01:59] Mom
    Don't leave anything in your bowls!
[02:01] Mom
    I'll go put out the garbage.
[02:09] Shinpachi
    Gin-san.
[02:10] Gintoki
    Huh?
[02:11] Shinpachi
    Who is that?
[02:13] Gintoki
    You know. Mom.
[02:15] Shinpachi
    What? Yours?
[02:17] Gintoki
    No, no. I have no family. She's yours, right? I appreciate it.
[02:22] Shinpachi
    I should tell you that my mother died before I was old enough to remember her.
[02:25] ---
    She's Kagura-chan's, right?
[02:27] Kagura
    My mommy is a lot prettier. And she's in heaven now.
[02:31] Mom
    Don't talk when you're eating!!
[02:33] Shinpachi
    Uh, I'm sorry.
[02:34] Mom
    And chew it up! 20 times before swallowing!
[02:39] Gintoki/Shinpachi/Kagura
    1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...
SIGN    [Gin-san has a hangover, Shinpachi wears glasses, Kagura sleeps in the closet.]
SIGN    [Chew your food 20 times before swallowing... Who is she? Whose mother is she?!]
SIGN    ["Mothers Everywhere Are All the Same"]
[04:31] Mom
    I'm a mother. Hachiro's mother.
[04:33] Gintoki
    Who the heck is Hachiro?
[04:35] Gintoki
    More importantly, why is Hachiro's mother acting like our mother?
[04:38] Mom
    Out in the country where I come from, a mother is everyone's mother
[04:42] Mom
    and a child is everyone's child.
[04:44] Gintoki
    A Great Mother? With a face like that, you're more like "Great Masa"...
SIGN    [Note: "Great Masa" is a pro wrestler in Japan]
[04:47] ---
    Hey, what're you doing? Why're you eating that?
[04:49] ---
    Why're you eating my rice?
[04:53] Mom
    I came here from the country to see my son.
[04:56] Mom
    But the city is so unfamiliar that I got confused.
[04:59] ---
    The subways are like a maze. Like Wizardry.
SIGN    [Note: Wizardry is a puzzle game that's been around for decades.]
[05:03] Gintoki
    Hey, how many bowls are you gonna eat?
[05:05] ---
    Where'd you get that perm? What kind of hairstyle do you call that?
[05:10] Mom
    I found myself lost and I didn't know what to do until I came across your sign.
[05:14] Mom
    I'll be relying on your help from now on, so I thought I'd fix breakfast for you
[05:18] Mom
    while you were asleep.
[05:20] Gintoki
    Hey, that's my pudding!
[05:22] ---
    Is that a button? That thing above your eyebrows.
[05:25] ---
    Is that a self-destruct button? If I push it, will you disappear?
[05:29] Mom
    This is my son Hachiro.
[05:32] Mom
    He came to Edo five years ago, and I haven't heard from him since.
[05:36] Mom
    I know for a fact that he's working in this town. Won't you help me find him?
[05:41] Gintoki
    If it's a job, we'll take it.
[05:44] Gintoki
    But lady, you do have money, right?
[05:50] Mom
    I was keeping this for Hachiro to eat, but I guess I have no choice.
[05:54] Gintoki
    Hey lady, is this how you show your sincerity?
[05:57] Mom
    I see...so that's how it is, huh? Corrupt, that's what this Edo megalopolis is.
[06:03] Mom
    I get it. Suit yourself. But let me say one thing.
[06:08] Mom
    You'll never get true love from me!!
[06:11] Gintoki
    Don't you try to read me! You make me sick, you old hag! Money! It's about money!
[06:17] Gintoki
    Well...
[06:17] Gintoki
    I suppose we'll get the mega rewards from her son.
[06:21] ---
    So, have you seen him?
[06:22] Otose
    Never seen him.
[06:24] Gintoki
    His name's Hachiro Kuroita.
[06:26] Otose
    Here in Kabukicho, names don't mean a thing.
[06:31] ---
    There are a lot of guys living here who've discarded their name and their past.
[06:35] Mom
    Just a minute, madam.
[06:37] Mom
    Are you suggesting that my son is doing something fishy?
[06:41] Otose
    No, no. I only said there's a lot of people like that in this town.
[06:45] Mom
    No way! Hachiro isn't like that!
[06:48] Mom
    From the time he was little, that boy was smart, earnest and a devoted son.
[06:52] Mom
    I have always been so proud of him!
[06:54] Mom
    Five years ago, he came out to Edo by himself because his father suddenly died
[06:58] Mom
    and he wanted to help our poor family.
[07:01] ---
    That boy...
[07:05] Mom
    ...would never...
[07:07] Mom
    ...become a treasure hunter.
[07:09] Otose/Shinpachi
    How is that smart?!
[07:11] Mom
    No! I'm sure what my boy really meant was that
[07:15] Mom
    he was going to hunt for the treasure called "happiness"!
[07:17] ---
    Anyway, that boy...
[07:19] Mom
    is working an honest job, I'm sure of it!
[07:21] ---
    He's working diligently, as hard as he can, with everything he's got, in a corner of this greedy town!
[07:25] ---
    Please, I'm begging you!
[07:26] Mom
    Take me to him!
[07:29] Mom
    I just want to see him, and ask him, "Are you doing okay?"
SIGN    [Town Doctor Whitejack] [Note: A play on Blackjack, a manga doctor]
[07:35] Nurse
    That's all I know.
SIGN    [Notice: No insurance accepted. No complaints allowed. ~Clinic Director]
[07:38] Gintoki
    I see... Thanks. Let me know if you hear anything.
[07:46] Shinpachi
    Gin-san.
[07:48] Kagura
    Gin-chan.
[07:49] Shinpachi
    Nothing on my end.
[07:50] ---
    Not even a clue...
[07:52] Kagura
    No luck here, either.
[07:53] Kagura
    This is so full of granny's scent that it's affected Sadaharu's nose.
[07:59] Shinpachi
    How about you, Gin-san?
SIGN    [Town Doctor Whitejack.]
[08:02] Shinpachi
    This is...that underground doctor...
[08:04] Shinpachi
    You're not thinking...?
[08:05] Gintoki
    Seems the devoted son has changed the face he got from his parents two or three times.
[08:10] Shinpachi
    Plastic surgery? But why?
[08:13] Gintoki
    And not just from here. Seems he's had work done at numerous places.
[08:17] Gintoki
    We can't rely on this anymore.
[08:19] Kagura
    Changing his face over and over... That's just like a criminal.
[08:23] Shinpachi
    Gin-san, maybe we shouldn't get too deeply involved in this case.
[08:27] ---
    Even if we found out anything more, Hachiro-san might not like it.
[08:31] ---
    Maybe it's better if his mother didn't know anything.
[08:33] Gintoki
    That's not for us to decide. At any rate, we'll discuss it after we find her son.
[08:40] Shinpachi
    But we can't use the photo anymore... How will we find him?
[08:43] Gintoki
    Plastic surgery doesn't change the facial bone structure much, right?
[08:46] Gintoki
    Surgically altered beauties all have the same sort of look.
[08:50] Gintoki
    We can at least take a guess.
[08:52] ---
    Like this, maybe?
[08:53] Shinpachi
    Just a minute, what're you doing? That's not plastic surgery. That's just a toupee.
[08:56] Kagura
    I watched Beauty Ariake Coliseum every week. Let me try.
[09:01] Kagura
    Done!
[09:02] Shinpachi
    Hey! This isn't a picture in some textbook!
[09:04] Gintoki
    That can't be right. What're we going to do? This is our only copy.
[09:08] Kagura
    We'll just cover it up from here to here.
[09:10] Gintoki
    Huh? This might be it, eh?
[09:13] Shinpachi
    Yes...it looks possible. There're lots of people like this around Odaiba.
[09:17] Shinpachi
    No, there aren't!
[09:19] ---
    No one anywhere looks like this!
[09:20] ---
    Even if he did look like this, he couldn't even step outside!
[09:21] Gintoki
    No, there are. There are lots of them around Neverland.
[09:24] Shinpachi
    There's no Neverland!
[09:25] Shinpachi
    Even if there was, he couldn't go out looking like that!
[09:27] ---
    This isn't plastic surgery! You just added hair!
[09:31] Shinpachi
    Let's just give up! Let's quit!
[09:33] ---
    Let's quit this job!
[09:38] Hachiro (Hanako)
    Wassup. This is Hachiro.
[09:40] ---
    Okay, got it.
[09:42] Hachiro (Hanako)
    I'm on my way to meet you now.
[09:47] Shinpachi/Gintoki (M)
    He... He does exist!
[09:49] Gintoki
    Is this for real? There he is!
[09:52] Shinpachi
    Wh-What'll we do? What should we do?!
[09:55] Gintoki
    Calm down!
[09:56] ---
    For now, call the old hag! Call her over here!
[09:57] Shinpachi
    Mom!
[09:59] ---
    Huh? What's she doing? Huh...
[10:02] Kagura
    She's staring down those gals.
[10:04] Gintoki
    Old lady!
[10:06] Gintoki
    I'll take care of it. You follow Hachiro!
[10:09] Shinpachi/Kagura
    Right!
[10:10] Girl A (Osaki)
    What's with you, old hag? You're like seriously pissing me off.
[10:13] ---
    You're like staring at me. And you're too close to me.
[10:17] ---
    You make me like totally sick.
[10:18] Mom
    Ambulance!
[10:20] Mom
    Somebody! Call an ambulance right now!
[10:20] Girl B
    What're you screaming that for? What's the big idea?!
[10:24] ---
    These girls have turned brown and they're complaining of nausea!
[10:28] Girl B
    You're the one who's sick, old lady! You're seriously pissing me off!
[10:31] Gintoki
    Hey, Mom, hurry over here.
[10:34] ---
    Sorry. She's from the country, so give her a break.
[10:37] Mom
    Stop that, Gin-san. Look at those girls' faces!
[10:40] Mom
    That's the same complexion my husband had before he died!
[10:42] Gintoki
    Oh yeah, that. They were born in a manure pool.
[10:46] Girl A (Osaki)
    What's that supposed to mean, you?!
[10:47] Gintoki
    Just that. I'm busy, so go back to your manure pool.
[10:50] Kankichi
    Hold up. Hold up. What's going on?
[10:53] Kankichi
    Osaki-chan, is there trouble?
[10:56] Girl A (Osaki)
    Kankichi-san!
[10:57] Girl A (Osaki)
    This lame mother and son are giving us a hard time.
[11:01] Kankichi
    C'mon, who are these two? Country hicks?
[11:07] Kankichi
    I don't know what mountain you two came down from,
[11:10] Kankichi
    but if you press your luck around here, I'll kill you. I mean it.
[11:14] Mom
    Gin-san.
[11:16] Mom
    There...that man...
[11:19] Mom
    He's got short legs.
[11:20] Kankichi
    It's the fashion!
[11:21] Gintoki
    I'm sorry. She's from the country, so give her a break.
[11:25] ---
    We're busy, so we'll be going now.
[11:27] ---
    Hey, stop doing that.
[11:28] ---
    That's a fashion trick to take your eyes off his short legs.
[11:32] Kankichi
    You're the rudest of all!
[11:33] Kankichi
    Hey, hold it!
[11:35] Kankichi
    If you keep screwing around like that, I don't care if it's an old lady or what...
[11:38] Kankichi
    I'll show you no mercy.
[11:41] Gintoki
    Hey, I said I was busy. Didn't you hear me, boys?
[11:45] Gintoki
    I don't give a darn about you wearing your toed socks or skirts loose,
[11:48] Gintoki
    but don't raise your hand to an old lady!
[11:52] Gintoki
    Wear your toed socks loose,
[11:53] Gintoki
    but do the right thing!
[11:57] Gintoki
    Pull up your pants, dummies!
[12:00] Mom
    Pull up your toed socks!
[12:01] Gintoki
    Learn from Sho Bro! Learn from his role on "Death Match"!
SIGN    [Note: Sho Bro is short for Aikawa Sho, a famous Japanese actor known for playing Yakuza Boss-type roles.]
[12:06] Kyoshiro
    That's enough!
[12:11] Kyoshiro
    Kankichi. What're you doing out here?
[12:15] Kankichi
    Ky...
[12:16] Kankichi
    Kyoshiro-san!
[12:19] Gintoki
    Who're you?
[12:21] Gintoki (M)
    Ha-Hachiro?!
[12:24] Hachiro (Hanako)
    You nimwits!
[12:27] Hachiro (Hanako)
    You may be peons, but you're employees of our club
[12:29] Hachiro (Hanako)
    and you've smeared dirt on Kyoshiro-san's reputation!
[12:34] Hachiro (Hanako)
    You're fired! Don't ever step foot in Kabukicho again!
[12:39] Gintoki (M)
    Huh? What? What's going on?
[12:44] Woman A
    It's Kyoshiro-san and Hachiro-san!
[12:47] Woman B
    So that's Kabukicho's top host, Kyoshiro Honjo?
[12:51] Woman C
    He's cool, but don't you think he looks a little scary?
[12:52] Gintoki
    Host? Huh? What's a host?
[12:53] Woman A
    That's what's great about him.
[12:56] Mom
    What is that guy? What's a host? Hey.
[13:00] Gintoki
    Uh, you know. The guy version of a hostess.
[13:03] Gintoki
    Only the few chosen handsome ones...
[13:06] Gintoki (M)
    Host? Huh? What's a host?
[13:10] Gintoki (M)
    Only the few chosen handsome ones...
[13:13] Gintoki (M)
    Huh? Host?
[13:15] Gintoki (M)
    He's...a host? A host?!
[13:19] Gintoki (M)
    Her...
[13:20] Gintoki (M)
    ...son is a...
[13:22] Gintoki
    Host?!
[13:30] Hachiro (Hanako)
    I'm terribly sorry for the trouble my boys caused.
[13:33] Hachiro (Hanako)
    Were you injured?
[13:35] Mom
    No, I'm fine. This is nothing.
[13:37] Hachiro (Hanako)
    I would really like to make this up to you.
[13:39] Hachiro (Hanako)
    Won't you come to our club?
[13:42] Mom
    Club?
SIGN    [Takamagahara]
[13:45] Hachiro (Hanako)
    Yes. This is our club: Takamagahara.
[13:57] Kagura
    Okay, then why don't you bring us some Dom-Peri?
[14:01] Host A
    Yes, but Miss, I think juice would be more...
[14:03] Kagura
    Mind not making me angry?
[14:06] Kagura
    Don't call me Miss. Call me Your Highness, Queen.
[14:09] Host A
    I'm terribly sorry! Queen of Kabukicho!
[14:12] Kagura
    It's laughable that a Kabukicho host doesn't even know how to treat a lady.
[14:17] ---
    An older woman enjoys being treated like a younger woman,
[14:20] Kagura
    but a very young woman should be treated like an adult.
[14:23] Kagura
    That's common sense.
[14:25] ---
    If I say bring Dom-Peri,
[14:27] ---
    bringing a cup of milk without saying anything more would be the smart thing to do,
[14:29] ---
    wouldn't you say?
[14:31] Host A
    Forgive me, Your Highness!
[14:33] ---
    Bring a cup of milk!
[14:34] Kagura
    What's bringing an actual cup of milk going to do?!
[14:37] Kagura
    Do you think I'm the type of woman who would be satisfied with just milk?
[14:40] Kagura
    I'm already an adult. I can already handle Koronamin C.
SIGN    [Note: A play on the energy drink Oronamin C.]
[14:44] Host B
    I would have expected nothing less.
[14:45] Host B
    You can already drink Koronamin C.
[14:47] Kagura
    My last boyfriend said kids shouldn't drink Koronamin C.
[14:51] Kagura
    He said even adults could only handle one bottle per day.
[14:55] Kagura
    I wonder what he's doing these days...?
[14:59] Kagura
    Oh, I already finished two bottles...
[15:02] Shinpachi
    So this is what a host club is like.
[15:05] Gintoki
    I feel really uncomfortable...
[15:07] Shinpachi
    I know, it feels like this is no place for a man to be.
[15:09] Gintoki
    Well, whatever, we're here for the free drinks anyway.
[15:12] ---
    You'd better not drink anything. I'll let you have anything up to a Koronamin C.
[15:15] Mom
    How dare you!
[15:16] Mom
    You touched me! This boy just touched me!
[15:20] Host C
    No, I didn't. I only poured your drink.
[15:23] Mom
    No, you touched me. You touched my breasts with your elbow.
[15:26] Mom
    And you... You've been glancing at me with that lecherous stare!
[15:31] Host D
    No, I haven't been looking.
[15:32] Mom
    Yes you were! At my body! That's harassment-
[15:35] Mom
    sexual harassment!
[15:37] Gintoki
    Hey, old lady, shut up! Your face is sexual harassment.
[15:40] Mom
    I've had enough. Gin-san, what is this place?!
[15:43] Mom
    Didn't we come here to find Hachiro?! Are you saying he's at a place like this?!
[15:47] Gintoki
    Now, now, calm down.
[15:49] Gintoki
    You guys can go. We'll drink by ourselves.
[15:53] Shinpachi
    Gin-san.
[15:55] Shinpachi
    Seems she still hasn't realized it yet.
[15:58] Gintoki
    That's obvious.
[15:59] Gintoki
    He's changed so much-even if he really is her son...
[16:02] ---
    Hachiro is a common name.
[16:05] Gintoki
    I understand why it'd be so hard to speak out given how much he's changed...
[16:11] ---
    But then why did he go out of his way to invite us here in the first place?
[16:14] Gintoki
    Human beings aren't about what's logical.
[16:17] ---
    Even if your mother is annoying,
[16:19] ---
    if you see her being attacked right in front of you, isn't it a son's instinct to help her?
[16:22] Shinpachi
    Attacked? I'd say you were the ones doing the attacking.
[16:25] Kyoshiro
    Excuse me.
[16:27] Kyoshiro
    Is everyone enjoying themselves?
[16:30] Shinpachi
    Kyoshiro-san.
[16:31] Gintoki
    It doesn't feel right to be served drinks by guys.
[16:34] Kyoshiro
    I'm sorry. This is a host club, so this is the best we can do.
[16:39] ---
    Would you like something to eat?
[16:41] Gintoki
    Okay, then I'll have this cavia...
[16:43] Mom
    We don't need anything like that. I brought something from home.
[16:46] Mom
    Boiled beans! Eat as many as your age, okay?
[16:49] Gintoki
    You brought that in here?!
[16:50] Gintoki
    Don't do that! It reeks of poverty!
[16:53] Mom
    These beans will cure that angry disposition!
[16:56] Mom
    You with the flashy clothes, try some, too!
[16:58] Kyoshiro
    Huh? Uh...all right.
[17:00] Shinpachi
    Kyoshiro-san, there's something I'd like to ask you.
[17:03] Kyoshiro
    Huh? What is it?
[17:05] Shinpachi
    You're also the owner of this club, aren't you, Kyoshiro-san?
[17:08] Kyoshiro
    Yes...
[17:09] Shinpachi
    That guy with the humongous afro...
[17:11] ---
    When did he start working at this club?
[17:14] Kyoshiro
    You mean Hachiro?
[17:16] Kyoshiro
    He's a close friend of mine who's been with me since we started this club.
[17:22] Kyoshiro
    I used to work at another club, but two years ago,
[17:25] Kyoshiro
    the two of us decided to start our own club.
[17:28] Kyoshiro
    He also used to be a host, but now he works behind the scenes.
[17:32] Kyoshiro
    He had a slight mishap with plastic surgery.
[17:35] Shinpachi
    A mishap with plastic surgery? What sort of mishap?
[17:36] Shinpachi
    Did the operating room blow up or something?
[17:39] Shinpachi
    Um...is what happened this afternoon part of Hachiro-san's job, as well?
[17:43] Kyoshiro
    Well...yes... He does some bodyguard duties...
[17:46] ---
    This is a dangerous town, so he sometimes does that sort of thing...
[17:50] Kyoshiro
    To make it...
[17:51] Kyoshiro
    to the top in this town, you need more than just appearances.
[17:56] Kyoshiro
    I've become known as the top host in Kabukicho,
[18:00] Kyoshiro
    but I've lost more than I've gained.
[18:04] Kyoshiro
    It's embarrassing to say this, but...
[18:05] ---
    We're all people who cannot look our parents in the eyes.
[18:17] Bald Yakuza
    Aniki!
SIGN    [Note: Aniki refers to Big Brother or Boss]
[18:19] Bald Yakuza
    Found him. This guy is Hachiro.
[18:21] Katsuo
    That so? Then we'll bring him back with us.
[18:24] Katsuo
    I don't want to trouble the club or its guests.
[18:26] Kyoshiro
    Hachiro!
[18:27] Gintoki
    Hey, who are those guys?
[18:29] Katsuo
    I'm terribly sorry for the commotion.
[18:31] Katsuo
    Don't pay any mind to us, everyone. Please continue what you were doing.
[18:42] Katsuo
    Too bad, they're all running away.
[18:45] Katsuo
    Sorry about that, Kyoshiro-han. Please don't report us for obstructing business.
[18:49] Kyoshiro
    Katsuo-san, you again?
[18:51] Kyoshiro
    Please let Hachiro go. Stop this harassment.
[18:55] Katsuo
    That's not what we're doing at all.
[18:57] Katsuo
    I'm not here about such a small matter, Kyoshiro-han.
[18:59] ---
    I'm tired of having to come out here to deal with incidents like the other day.
[19:03] Katsuo
    My dachshund is about to give birth. I want to be there when she does.
[19:09] Katsuo
    I really don't have time to get involved in a childish fight.
[19:12] Kyoshiro
    A childish fight?
[19:14] Katsuo
    Yeah...
[19:15] Katsuo
    Your bodyguard beat up a kid on the street.
[19:20] Katsuo
    Hosts nowadays sure are impolite!
[19:23] Kyoshiro
    That was one of the young ones.
[19:25] Kyoshiro
    He did something stupid, so we taught him a lesson. It has nothing to do with you.
[19:29] Katsuo
    But it does.
[19:31] ---
    Right, Kanshichi-kun?
[19:32] Kankichi
    No. It's Kankichi.
[19:34] Katsuo
    Kanpachi-kun here is a relative of our big boss.
[19:38] ---
    So we need to settle this our way.
[19:41] Kyoshiro
    The Big Boss's?
[19:42] Katsuo
    I don't know. Might be a very distant relative.
[19:46] Katsuo
    I hear he's a relative of a relative of a relative of a relative.
[19:49] Kyoshiro
    Stop making false accusations.
[19:51] Katsuo
    It's not a false accusation.
[19:53] Katsuo
    Right, Kankuro-san?
[19:54] Kankichi
    Y-Yes. I'm a relative of a relative of a relative.
[19:57] Katsuo
    You're missing one relative!
[20:02] Katsuo
    He's mistaken.
[20:03] Katsuo
    He's a relative of a relative of a relative of a relative of a relative of my big boss.
[20:07] Henchman A
    Boss, that's one relative too many.
[20:10] Katsuo
    Never mind.
[20:11] Katsuo
    What I'm trying to say is that
[20:13] Katsuo
    all human beings are relatives born from the maternal ocean.
[20:16] Shinpachi
    Gin-san, who are these people?
[20:19] Gintoki
    That's probably Katsuo the Black Piece of the Gutter Rat Gang.
[20:23] Gintoki
    He's a junior boss of one of the four kings of Kabukicho, Jirocho Doromizu.
[20:27] Gintoki
    What's the deal behind the club's dispute with such a troublesome fellow?
[20:31] Kagura
    Money. It's money. I heard those liars mention it earlier.
[20:34] Kagura
    The Gutter Rat Gang's been demanding money to take over the protection gig.
[20:38] Kagura
    After Kyoshiro-san turned them down, they've been harassing the club.
[20:42] Gintoki
    Man, from one thing to the next, that son is a handful. Isn't he, Mom?
[20:47] Gintoki
    Huh? Where's the old lady?
[20:48] Kagura
    Now that you mention it, she's gone.
[20:50] Mom
    Hey! What do you think you're doing?!
[20:53] Mom
    He's covered with blood!
[20:55] Katsuo
    Who's the old lady?
[20:55] ---
    Just a minute! Just a minute!
[20:58] ---
    Hey, umm! Just a minute! Just a minute!
[21:00] ---
    What're you talking about?
[21:01] Mom
    Rice crackers and peanuts go well with drinks, but you mustn't eat too much.
[21:04] Katsuo
    No one bleeds this much from eating too many peanuts!
[21:07] Mom
    I told you to eat six parts rice crackers to four parts peanuts!
[21:11] Katsuo
    That's enough, old lady. Don't try to make fools of us.
[21:15] Katsuo
    Everyone knows the ratio of rice crackers to peanuts...
[21:17] Katsuo
    is seven to three!
[21:20] Katsuo
    Everything in this world works out if divided by seven to three!
[21:24] Katsuo
    7:3. It's the Golden Ratio that forms the basis for the entire Universe. You idiot!
[21:29] Mom
    You're only saying 7:3 because you want to eat more rice crackers!
[21:33] Mom
    Read the "Monkey vs. Crab" for the rest of your life. You idiot!
[21:36] Katsuo
    Stupid!
[21:37] Katsuo
    This ratio is the Golden Ratio that enhances both the rice crackers and peanuts.
[21:41] Katsuo
    You ugly idiot!
[21:42] Mom
    You're just infatuated with the words "Golden Ratio."
[21:46] Mom
    Why don't you forget about reason and live tomorrow like you were dead? You idiot!
[21:49] Katsuo
    Fine, old lady. Tonight, we'll debate rice crackers and peanuts till dawn.
[21:53] Mom
    Let's settle it once and for all!
[21:57] Underling A
    Boss, what did we come here for?
[21:59] Katsuo
    How would I know, stupid?!
[22:01] Katsuo
    Hey, you guys. Don't just stand there...
[22:04] Katsuo
    Hurry up and bring us drinks!
[22:08] Katsuo
    What's wrong with this place?
[22:10] Katsuo
    You're a host club, yet you don't know how to serve your customers?
[22:14] Gintoki
    Forgive us.
[22:17] Gintoki
    We'll be right with you.
[22:24] Shinpachi
    We're delighted to welcome you to host club Takamagahara.
[22:28] Shinpachi
    I am Shin, one of the club's top three.
[22:32] Gintoki
    I am Gin. Just do it.
SIGN    [Note: Spoof of the Nike slogan.]
[22:35] Kagura
    Gura here.
SIGN    [Note: Spoof of Eikou Kano, a Japanese Comedian.]
[22:43] Gintoki
    Just do it!
SIGN    [To Be Continued]
[24:23] Ending Themeshinpachi Mother/Mom
    The next episode... "Don't Make Munching Noises When You Eat."
SIGN    [Katsuo the Black Piece, junior boss of the Gutter Rat Gang threatens Kyoshiro's Club, Takamagahara.]
SIGN    [The Odd Jobs trio turned into hosts. Okay! With my life.]
SIGN    [By the way, has Lake Toya arrived yet? Hasn't it? Has it arrived?]