# E54 - Mothers Everywhere Are All the Same
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6490M98Y/mothers-everywhere-are-all-the-same)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:13] Mom**
You! How long are you going to sleep?! Good grief!
**[00:16] Mom**
Come on! Get up! Breakfast is ready!
**[00:19] Gintoki**
Leave me alone. I don't want breakfast.
**[00:21] Mom**
Don't be silly! Breakfast gives your brain energy for the whole day!
**[00:26] Mom**
Monta Mino said so on TV!
***SIGN*** [Note: An afternoon talk show host]
**[00:31] Gintoki**
W-Wait...really, gimme a break. I have a hangover.
**[00:35] Mom**
You shouldn't drink so much at your age. Pull yourself together!
**[00:40] Kagura**
What's with all the noise so early in the morning?
**[00:45] Mom**
Good grief! You've got too much sleep in your eyes, girl. Go wash your face.
**[00:49] Kagura**
Shut up. I don't take orders from anyone.
**[00:53] Mom**
Then you leave me no choice. Come on, turn this way.
**[00:56] Kagura**
Phew! Stinky!
**[00:57] Mom**
There, all better. Girls have to keep themselves clean.
**[01:04] Mom**
You're such hopeless kids.
**[01:07] ---**
How much rice? A large serving? Medium?
**[01:09] Gintoki**
Okay, medium.
**[01:11] Mom**
What's the matter with you?! You're too thin!
**[01:14] ---**
Boys are healthy when they're just a bit chubby!
**[01:17] Gintoki**
Then don't ask me in the first place. Quit nagging me.
**[01:19] Mom**
Don't talk back!
**[01:21] ---**
You're always trying to trip me up!
**[01:24] Shinpachi**
Good morning.
**[01:26] ---**
Huh? Something smells good.
**[01:27] Mom**
Oh, 'morning.
**[01:29] Shinpachi**
Good morning.
**[01:31] Mom**
Are you people taking proper care of this puppy?!
**[01:33] Mom**
You have to look after living creatures until they die, you know!
**[01:36] Shinpachi**
Oh, I'm sorry.
**[01:38] Mom**
Never mind. Eat quickly.
**[01:40] Shinpachi**
Uh...okay...
**[01:42] Mom**
How much rice? Medium? Large?
**[01:44] Shinpachi**
No, thank you. I already ate.
**[01:46] Mom**
What're you talking about?
**[01:47] ---**
You wear glasses! Your eyes are bad because you don't eat enough!
**[01:51] Shinpachi**
No, I don't think glasses have anything to do with it.
**[01:53] Mom**
Don't talk back! You're always trying to trip me up!
**[01:59] Mom**
Don't leave anything in your bowls!
**[02:01] Mom**
I'll go put out the garbage.
**[02:09] Shinpachi**
Gin-san.
**[02:10] Gintoki**
Huh?
**[02:11] Shinpachi**
Who is that?
**[02:13] Gintoki**
You know. Mom.
**[02:15] Shinpachi**
What? Yours?
**[02:17] Gintoki**
No, no. I have no family. She's yours, right? I appreciate it.
**[02:22] Shinpachi**
I should tell you that my mother died before I was old enough to remember her.
**[02:25] ---**
She's Kagura-chan's, right?
**[02:27] Kagura**
My mommy is a lot prettier. And she's in heaven now.
**[02:31] Mom**
Don't talk when you're eating!!
**[02:33] Shinpachi**
Uh, I'm sorry.
**[02:34] Mom**
And chew it up! 20 times before swallowing!
**[02:39] Gintoki/Shinpachi/Kagura**
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...
***SIGN*** [Gin-san has a hangover, Shinpachi wears glasses, Kagura sleeps in the closet.]
***SIGN*** [Chew your food 20 times before swallowing... Who is she? Whose mother is she?!]
***SIGN*** ["Mothers Everywhere Are All the Same"]
**[04:31] Mom**
I'm a mother. Hachiro's mother.
**[04:33] Gintoki**
Who the heck is Hachiro?
**[04:35] Gintoki**
More importantly, why is Hachiro's mother acting like our mother?
**[04:38] Mom**
Out in the country where I come from, a mother is everyone's mother
**[04:42] Mom**
and a child is everyone's child.
**[04:44] Gintoki**
A Great Mother? With a face like that, you're more like "Great Masa"...
***SIGN*** [Note: "Great Masa" is a pro wrestler in Japan]
**[04:47] ---**
Hey, what're you doing? Why're you eating that?
**[04:49] ---**
Why're you eating my rice?
**[04:53] Mom**
I came here from the country to see my son.
**[04:56] Mom**
But the city is so unfamiliar that I got confused.
**[04:59] ---**
The subways are like a maze. Like Wizardry.
***SIGN*** [Note: Wizardry is a puzzle game that's been around for decades.]
**[05:03] Gintoki**
Hey, how many bowls are you gonna eat?
**[05:05] ---**
Where'd you get that perm? What kind of hairstyle do you call that?
**[05:10] Mom**
I found myself lost and I didn't know what to do until I came across your sign.
**[05:14] Mom**
I'll be relying on your help from now on, so I thought I'd fix breakfast for you
**[05:18] Mom**
while you were asleep.
**[05:20] Gintoki**
Hey, that's my pudding!
**[05:22] ---**
Is that a button? That thing above your eyebrows.
**[05:25] ---**
Is that a self-destruct button? If I push it, will you disappear?
**[05:29] Mom**
This is my son Hachiro.
**[05:32] Mom**
He came to Edo five years ago, and I haven't heard from him since.
**[05:36] Mom**
I know for a fact that he's working in this town. Won't you help me find him?
**[05:41] Gintoki**
If it's a job, we'll take it.
**[05:44] Gintoki**
But lady, you do have money, right?
**[05:50] Mom**
I was keeping this for Hachiro to eat, but I guess I have no choice.
**[05:54] Gintoki**
Hey lady, is this how you show your sincerity?
**[05:57] Mom**
I see...so that's how it is, huh? Corrupt, that's what this Edo megalopolis is.
**[06:03] Mom**
I get it. Suit yourself. But let me say one thing.
**[06:08] Mom**
You'll never get true love from me!!
**[06:11] Gintoki**
Don't you try to read me! You make me sick, you old hag! Money! It's about money!
**[06:17] Gintoki**
Well...
**[06:17] Gintoki**
I suppose we'll get the mega rewards from her son.
**[06:21] ---**
So, have you seen him?
**[06:22] Otose**
Never seen him.
**[06:24] Gintoki**
His name's Hachiro Kuroita.
**[06:26] Otose**
Here in Kabukicho, names don't mean a thing.
**[06:31] ---**
There are a lot of guys living here who've discarded their name and their past.
**[06:35] Mom**
Just a minute, madam.
**[06:37] Mom**
Are you suggesting that my son is doing something fishy?
**[06:41] Otose**
No, no. I only said there's a lot of people like that in this town.
**[06:45] Mom**
No way! Hachiro isn't like that!
**[06:48] Mom**
From the time he was little, that boy was smart, earnest and a devoted son.
**[06:52] Mom**
I have always been so proud of him!
**[06:54] Mom**
Five years ago, he came out to Edo by himself because his father suddenly died
**[06:58] Mom**
and he wanted to help our poor family.
**[07:01] ---**
That boy...
**[07:05] Mom**
...would never...
**[07:07] Mom**
...become a treasure hunter.
**[07:09] Otose/Shinpachi**
How is that smart?!
**[07:11] Mom**
No! I'm sure what my boy really meant was that
**[07:15] Mom**
he was going to hunt for the treasure called "happiness"!
**[07:17] ---**
Anyway, that boy...
**[07:19] Mom**
is working an honest job, I'm sure of it!
**[07:21] ---**
He's working diligently, as hard as he can, with everything he's got, in a corner of this greedy town!
**[07:25] ---**
Please, I'm begging you!
**[07:26] Mom**
Take me to him!
**[07:29] Mom**
I just want to see him, and ask him, "Are you doing okay?"
***SIGN*** [Town Doctor Whitejack] [Note: A play on Blackjack, a manga doctor]
**[07:35] Nurse**
That's all I know.
***SIGN*** [Notice: No insurance accepted. No complaints allowed. ~Clinic Director]
**[07:38] Gintoki**
I see... Thanks. Let me know if you hear anything.
**[07:46] Shinpachi**
Gin-san.
**[07:48] Kagura**
Gin-chan.
**[07:49] Shinpachi**
Nothing on my end.
**[07:50] ---**
Not even a clue...
**[07:52] Kagura**
No luck here, either.
**[07:53] Kagura**
This is so full of granny's scent that it's affected Sadaharu's nose.
**[07:59] Shinpachi**
How about you, Gin-san?
***SIGN*** [Town Doctor Whitejack.]
**[08:02] Shinpachi**
This is...that underground doctor...
**[08:04] Shinpachi**
You're not thinking...?
**[08:05] Gintoki**
Seems the devoted son has changed the face he got from his parents two or three times.
**[08:10] Shinpachi**
Plastic surgery? But why?
**[08:13] Gintoki**
And not just from here. Seems he's had work done at numerous places.
**[08:17] Gintoki**
We can't rely on this anymore.
**[08:19] Kagura**
Changing his face over and over... That's just like a criminal.
**[08:23] Shinpachi**
Gin-san, maybe we shouldn't get too deeply involved in this case.
**[08:27] ---**
Even if we found out anything more, Hachiro-san might not like it.
**[08:31] ---**
Maybe it's better if his mother didn't know anything.
**[08:33] Gintoki**
That's not for us to decide. At any rate, we'll discuss it after we find her son.
**[08:40] Shinpachi**
But we can't use the photo anymore... How will we find him?
**[08:43] Gintoki**
Plastic surgery doesn't change the facial bone structure much, right?
**[08:46] Gintoki**
Surgically altered beauties all have the same sort of look.
**[08:50] Gintoki**
We can at least take a guess.
**[08:52] ---**
Like this, maybe?
**[08:53] Shinpachi**
Just a minute, what're you doing? That's not plastic surgery. That's just a toupee.
**[08:56] Kagura**
I watched Beauty Ariake Coliseum every week. Let me try.
**[09:01] Kagura**
Done!
**[09:02] Shinpachi**
Hey! This isn't a picture in some textbook!
**[09:04] Gintoki**
That can't be right. What're we going to do? This is our only copy.
**[09:08] Kagura**
We'll just cover it up from here to here.
**[09:10] Gintoki**
Huh? This might be it, eh?
**[09:13] Shinpachi**
Yes...it looks possible. There're lots of people like this around Odaiba.
**[09:17] Shinpachi**
No, there aren't!
**[09:19] ---**
No one anywhere looks like this!
**[09:20] ---**
Even if he did look like this, he couldn't even step outside!
**[09:21] Gintoki**
No, there are. There are lots of them around Neverland.
**[09:24] Shinpachi**
There's no Neverland!
**[09:25] Shinpachi**
Even if there was, he couldn't go out looking like that!
**[09:27] ---**
This isn't plastic surgery! You just added hair!
**[09:31] Shinpachi**
Let's just give up! Let's quit!
**[09:33] ---**
Let's quit this job!
**[09:38] Hachiro (Hanako)**
Wassup. This is Hachiro.
**[09:40] ---**
Okay, got it.
**[09:42] Hachiro (Hanako)**
I'm on my way to meet you now.
**[09:47] Shinpachi/Gintoki (M)**
He... He does exist!
**[09:49] Gintoki**
Is this for real? There he is!
**[09:52] Shinpachi**
Wh-What'll we do? What should we do?!
**[09:55] Gintoki**
Calm down!
**[09:56] ---**
For now, call the old hag! Call her over here!
**[09:57] Shinpachi**
Mom!
**[09:59] ---**
Huh? What's she doing? Huh...
**[10:02] Kagura**
She's staring down those gals.
**[10:04] Gintoki**
Old lady!
**[10:06] Gintoki**
I'll take care of it. You follow Hachiro!
**[10:09] Shinpachi/Kagura**
Right!
**[10:10] Girl A (Osaki)**
What's with you, old hag? You're like seriously pissing me off.
**[10:13] ---**
You're like staring at me. And you're too close to me.
**[10:17] ---**
You make me like totally sick.
**[10:18] Mom**
Ambulance!
**[10:20] Mom**
Somebody! Call an ambulance right now!
**[10:20] Girl B**
What're you screaming that for? What's the big idea?!
**[10:24] ---**
These girls have turned brown and they're complaining of nausea!
**[10:28] Girl B**
You're the one who's sick, old lady! You're seriously pissing me off!
**[10:31] Gintoki**
Hey, Mom, hurry over here.
**[10:34] ---**
Sorry. She's from the country, so give her a break.
**[10:37] Mom**
Stop that, Gin-san. Look at those girls' faces!
**[10:40] Mom**
That's the same complexion my husband had before he died!
**[10:42] Gintoki**
Oh yeah, that. They were born in a manure pool.
**[10:46] Girl A (Osaki)**
What's that supposed to mean, you?!
**[10:47] Gintoki**
Just that. I'm busy, so go back to your manure pool.
**[10:50] Kankichi**
Hold up. Hold up. What's going on?
**[10:53] Kankichi**
Osaki-chan, is there trouble?
**[10:56] Girl A (Osaki)**
Kankichi-san!
**[10:57] Girl A (Osaki)**
This lame mother and son are giving us a hard time.
**[11:01] Kankichi**
C'mon, who are these two? Country hicks?
**[11:07] Kankichi**
I don't know what mountain you two came down from,
**[11:10] Kankichi**
but if you press your luck around here, I'll kill you. I mean it.
**[11:14] Mom**
Gin-san.
**[11:16] Mom**
There...that man...
**[11:19] Mom**
He's got short legs.
**[11:20] Kankichi**
It's the fashion!
**[11:21] Gintoki**
I'm sorry. She's from the country, so give her a break.
**[11:25] ---**
We're busy, so we'll be going now.
**[11:27] ---**
Hey, stop doing that.
**[11:28] ---**
That's a fashion trick to take your eyes off his short legs.
**[11:32] Kankichi**
You're the rudest of all!
**[11:33] Kankichi**
Hey, hold it!
**[11:35] Kankichi**
If you keep screwing around like that, I don't care if it's an old lady or what...
**[11:38] Kankichi**
I'll show you no mercy.
**[11:41] Gintoki**
Hey, I said I was busy. Didn't you hear me, boys?
**[11:45] Gintoki**
I don't give a darn about you wearing your toed socks or skirts loose,
**[11:48] Gintoki**
but don't raise your hand to an old lady!
**[11:52] Gintoki**
Wear your toed socks loose,
**[11:53] Gintoki**
but do the right thing!
**[11:57] Gintoki**
Pull up your pants, dummies!
**[12:00] Mom**
Pull up your toed socks!
**[12:01] Gintoki**
Learn from Sho Bro! Learn from his role on "Death Match"!
***SIGN*** [Note: Sho Bro is short for Aikawa Sho, a famous Japanese actor known for playing Yakuza Boss-type roles.]
**[12:06] Kyoshiro**
That's enough!
**[12:11] Kyoshiro**
Kankichi. What're you doing out here?
**[12:15] Kankichi**
Ky...
**[12:16] Kankichi**
Kyoshiro-san!
**[12:19] Gintoki**
Who're you?
**[12:21] Gintoki (M)**
Ha-Hachiro?!
**[12:24] Hachiro (Hanako)**
You nimwits!
**[12:27] Hachiro (Hanako)**
You may be peons, but you're employees of our club
**[12:29] Hachiro (Hanako)**
and you've smeared dirt on Kyoshiro-san's reputation!
**[12:34] Hachiro (Hanako)**
You're fired! Don't ever step foot in Kabukicho again!
**[12:39] Gintoki (M)**
Huh? What? What's going on?
**[12:44] Woman A**
It's Kyoshiro-san and Hachiro-san!
**[12:47] Woman B**
So that's Kabukicho's top host, Kyoshiro Honjo?
**[12:51] Woman C**
He's cool, but don't you think he looks a little scary?
**[12:52] Gintoki**
Host? Huh? What's a host?
**[12:53] Woman A**
That's what's great about him.
**[12:56] Mom**
What is that guy? What's a host? Hey.
**[13:00] Gintoki**
Uh, you know. The guy version of a hostess.
**[13:03] Gintoki**
Only the few chosen handsome ones...
**[13:06] Gintoki (M)**
Host? Huh? What's a host?
**[13:10] Gintoki (M)**
Only the few chosen handsome ones...
**[13:13] Gintoki (M)**
Huh? Host?
**[13:15] Gintoki (M)**
He's...a host? A host?!
**[13:19] Gintoki (M)**
Her...
**[13:20] Gintoki (M)**
...son is a...
**[13:22] Gintoki**
Host?!
**[13:30] Hachiro (Hanako)**
I'm terribly sorry for the trouble my boys caused.
**[13:33] Hachiro (Hanako)**
Were you injured?
**[13:35] Mom**
No, I'm fine. This is nothing.
**[13:37] Hachiro (Hanako)**
I would really like to make this up to you.
**[13:39] Hachiro (Hanako)**
Won't you come to our club?
**[13:42] Mom**
Club?
***SIGN*** [Takamagahara]
**[13:45] Hachiro (Hanako)**
Yes. This is our club: Takamagahara.
**[13:57] Kagura**
Okay, then why don't you bring us some Dom-Peri?
**[14:01] Host A**
Yes, but Miss, I think juice would be more...
**[14:03] Kagura**
Mind not making me angry?
**[14:06] Kagura**
Don't call me Miss. Call me Your Highness, Queen.
**[14:09] Host A**
I'm terribly sorry! Queen of Kabukicho!
**[14:12] Kagura**
It's laughable that a Kabukicho host doesn't even know how to treat a lady.
**[14:17] ---**
An older woman enjoys being treated like a younger woman,
**[14:20] Kagura**
but a very young woman should be treated like an adult.
**[14:23] Kagura**
That's common sense.
**[14:25] ---**
If I say bring Dom-Peri,
**[14:27] ---**
bringing a cup of milk without saying anything more would be the smart thing to do,
**[14:29] ---**
wouldn't you say?
**[14:31] Host A**
Forgive me, Your Highness!
**[14:33] ---**
Bring a cup of milk!
**[14:34] Kagura**
What's bringing an actual cup of milk going to do?!
**[14:37] Kagura**
Do you think I'm the type of woman who would be satisfied with just milk?
**[14:40] Kagura**
I'm already an adult. I can already handle Koronamin C.
***SIGN*** [Note: A play on the energy drink Oronamin C.]
**[14:44] Host B**
I would have expected nothing less.
**[14:45] Host B**
You can already drink Koronamin C.
**[14:47] Kagura**
My last boyfriend said kids shouldn't drink Koronamin C.
**[14:51] Kagura**
He said even adults could only handle one bottle per day.
**[14:55] Kagura**
I wonder what he's doing these days...?
**[14:59] Kagura**
Oh, I already finished two bottles...
**[15:02] Shinpachi**
So this is what a host club is like.
**[15:05] Gintoki**
I feel really uncomfortable...
**[15:07] Shinpachi**
I know, it feels like this is no place for a man to be.
**[15:09] Gintoki**
Well, whatever, we're here for the free drinks anyway.
**[15:12] ---**
You'd better not drink anything. I'll let you have anything up to a Koronamin C.
**[15:15] Mom**
How dare you!
**[15:16] Mom**
You touched me! This boy just touched me!
**[15:20] Host C**
No, I didn't. I only poured your drink.
**[15:23] Mom**
No, you touched me. You touched my breasts with your elbow.
**[15:26] Mom**
And you... You've been glancing at me with that lecherous stare!
**[15:31] Host D**
No, I haven't been looking.
**[15:32] Mom**
Yes you were! At my body! That's harassment-
**[15:35] Mom**
sexual harassment!
**[15:37] Gintoki**
Hey, old lady, shut up! Your face is sexual harassment.
**[15:40] Mom**
I've had enough. Gin-san, what is this place?!
**[15:43] Mom**
Didn't we come here to find Hachiro?! Are you saying he's at a place like this?!
**[15:47] Gintoki**
Now, now, calm down.
**[15:49] Gintoki**
You guys can go. We'll drink by ourselves.
**[15:53] Shinpachi**
Gin-san.
**[15:55] Shinpachi**
Seems she still hasn't realized it yet.
**[15:58] Gintoki**
That's obvious.
**[15:59] Gintoki**
He's changed so much-even if he really is her son...
**[16:02] ---**
Hachiro is a common name.
**[16:05] Gintoki**
I understand why it'd be so hard to speak out given how much he's changed...
**[16:11] ---**
But then why did he go out of his way to invite us here in the first place?
**[16:14] Gintoki**
Human beings aren't about what's logical.
**[16:17] ---**
Even if your mother is annoying,
**[16:19] ---**
if you see her being attacked right in front of you, isn't it a son's instinct to help her?
**[16:22] Shinpachi**
Attacked? I'd say you were the ones doing the attacking.
**[16:25] Kyoshiro**
Excuse me.
**[16:27] Kyoshiro**
Is everyone enjoying themselves?
**[16:30] Shinpachi**
Kyoshiro-san.
**[16:31] Gintoki**
It doesn't feel right to be served drinks by guys.
**[16:34] Kyoshiro**
I'm sorry. This is a host club, so this is the best we can do.
**[16:39] ---**
Would you like something to eat?
**[16:41] Gintoki**
Okay, then I'll have this cavia...
**[16:43] Mom**
We don't need anything like that. I brought something from home.
**[16:46] Mom**
Boiled beans! Eat as many as your age, okay?
**[16:49] Gintoki**
You brought that in here?!
**[16:50] Gintoki**
Don't do that! It reeks of poverty!
**[16:53] Mom**
These beans will cure that angry disposition!
**[16:56] Mom**
You with the flashy clothes, try some, too!
**[16:58] Kyoshiro**
Huh? Uh...all right.
**[17:00] Shinpachi**
Kyoshiro-san, there's something I'd like to ask you.
**[17:03] Kyoshiro**
Huh? What is it?
**[17:05] Shinpachi**
You're also the owner of this club, aren't you, Kyoshiro-san?
**[17:08] Kyoshiro**
Yes...
**[17:09] Shinpachi**
That guy with the humongous afro...
**[17:11] ---**
When did he start working at this club?
**[17:14] Kyoshiro**
You mean Hachiro?
**[17:16] Kyoshiro**
He's a close friend of mine who's been with me since we started this club.
**[17:22] Kyoshiro**
I used to work at another club, but two years ago,
**[17:25] Kyoshiro**
the two of us decided to start our own club.
**[17:28] Kyoshiro**
He also used to be a host, but now he works behind the scenes.
**[17:32] Kyoshiro**
He had a slight mishap with plastic surgery.
**[17:35] Shinpachi**
A mishap with plastic surgery? What sort of mishap?
**[17:36] Shinpachi**
Did the operating room blow up or something?
**[17:39] Shinpachi**
Um...is what happened this afternoon part of Hachiro-san's job, as well?
**[17:43] Kyoshiro**
Well...yes... He does some bodyguard duties...
**[17:46] ---**
This is a dangerous town, so he sometimes does that sort of thing...
**[17:50] Kyoshiro**
To make it...
**[17:51] Kyoshiro**
to the top in this town, you need more than just appearances.
**[17:56] Kyoshiro**
I've become known as the top host in Kabukicho,
**[18:00] Kyoshiro**
but I've lost more than I've gained.
**[18:04] Kyoshiro**
It's embarrassing to say this, but...
**[18:05] ---**
We're all people who cannot look our parents in the eyes.
**[18:17] Bald Yakuza**
Aniki!
***SIGN*** [Note: Aniki refers to Big Brother or Boss]
**[18:19] Bald Yakuza**
Found him. This guy is Hachiro.
**[18:21] Katsuo**
That so? Then we'll bring him back with us.
**[18:24] Katsuo**
I don't want to trouble the club or its guests.
**[18:26] Kyoshiro**
Hachiro!
**[18:27] Gintoki**
Hey, who are those guys?
**[18:29] Katsuo**
I'm terribly sorry for the commotion.
**[18:31] Katsuo**
Don't pay any mind to us, everyone. Please continue what you were doing.
**[18:42] Katsuo**
Too bad, they're all running away.
**[18:45] Katsuo**
Sorry about that, Kyoshiro-han. Please don't report us for obstructing business.
**[18:49] Kyoshiro**
Katsuo-san, you again?
**[18:51] Kyoshiro**
Please let Hachiro go. Stop this harassment.
**[18:55] Katsuo**
That's not what we're doing at all.
**[18:57] Katsuo**
I'm not here about such a small matter, Kyoshiro-han.
**[18:59] ---**
I'm tired of having to come out here to deal with incidents like the other day.
**[19:03] Katsuo**
My dachshund is about to give birth. I want to be there when she does.
**[19:09] Katsuo**
I really don't have time to get involved in a childish fight.
**[19:12] Kyoshiro**
A childish fight?
**[19:14] Katsuo**
Yeah...
**[19:15] Katsuo**
Your bodyguard beat up a kid on the street.
**[19:20] Katsuo**
Hosts nowadays sure are impolite!
**[19:23] Kyoshiro**
That was one of the young ones.
**[19:25] Kyoshiro**
He did something stupid, so we taught him a lesson. It has nothing to do with you.
**[19:29] Katsuo**
But it does.
**[19:31] ---**
Right, Kanshichi-kun?
**[19:32] Kankichi**
No. It's Kankichi.
**[19:34] Katsuo**
Kanpachi-kun here is a relative of our big boss.
**[19:38] ---**
So we need to settle this our way.
**[19:41] Kyoshiro**
The Big Boss's?
**[19:42] Katsuo**
I don't know. Might be a very distant relative.
**[19:46] Katsuo**
I hear he's a relative of a relative of a relative of a relative.
**[19:49] Kyoshiro**
Stop making false accusations.
**[19:51] Katsuo**
It's not a false accusation.
**[19:53] Katsuo**
Right, Kankuro-san?
**[19:54] Kankichi**
Y-Yes. I'm a relative of a relative of a relative.
**[19:57] Katsuo**
You're missing one relative!
**[20:02] Katsuo**
He's mistaken.
**[20:03] Katsuo**
He's a relative of a relative of a relative of a relative of a relative of my big boss.
**[20:07] Henchman A**
Boss, that's one relative too many.
**[20:10] Katsuo**
Never mind.
**[20:11] Katsuo**
What I'm trying to say is that
**[20:13] Katsuo**
all human beings are relatives born from the maternal ocean.
**[20:16] Shinpachi**
Gin-san, who are these people?
**[20:19] Gintoki**
That's probably Katsuo the Black Piece of the Gutter Rat Gang.
**[20:23] Gintoki**
He's a junior boss of one of the four kings of Kabukicho, Jirocho Doromizu.
**[20:27] Gintoki**
What's the deal behind the club's dispute with such a troublesome fellow?
**[20:31] Kagura**
Money. It's money. I heard those liars mention it earlier.
**[20:34] Kagura**
The Gutter Rat Gang's been demanding money to take over the protection gig.
**[20:38] Kagura**
After Kyoshiro-san turned them down, they've been harassing the club.
**[20:42] Gintoki**
Man, from one thing to the next, that son is a handful. Isn't he, Mom?
**[20:47] Gintoki**
Huh? Where's the old lady?
**[20:48] Kagura**
Now that you mention it, she's gone.
**[20:50] Mom**
Hey! What do you think you're doing?!
**[20:53] Mom**
He's covered with blood!
**[20:55] Katsuo**
Who's the old lady?
**[20:55] ---**
Just a minute! Just a minute!
**[20:58] ---**
Hey, umm! Just a minute! Just a minute!
**[21:00] ---**
What're you talking about?
**[21:01] Mom**
Rice crackers and peanuts go well with drinks, but you mustn't eat too much.
**[21:04] Katsuo**
No one bleeds this much from eating too many peanuts!
**[21:07] Mom**
I told you to eat six parts rice crackers to four parts peanuts!
**[21:11] Katsuo**
That's enough, old lady. Don't try to make fools of us.
**[21:15] Katsuo**
Everyone knows the ratio of rice crackers to peanuts...
**[21:17] Katsuo**
is seven to three!
**[21:20] Katsuo**
Everything in this world works out if divided by seven to three!
**[21:24] Katsuo**
7:3. It's the Golden Ratio that forms the basis for the entire Universe. You idiot!
**[21:29] Mom**
You're only saying 7:3 because you want to eat more rice crackers!
**[21:33] Mom**
Read the "Monkey vs. Crab" for the rest of your life. You idiot!
**[21:36] Katsuo**
Stupid!
**[21:37] Katsuo**
This ratio is the Golden Ratio that enhances both the rice crackers and peanuts.
**[21:41] Katsuo**
You ugly idiot!
**[21:42] Mom**
You're just infatuated with the words "Golden Ratio."
**[21:46] Mom**
Why don't you forget about reason and live tomorrow like you were dead? You idiot!
**[21:49] Katsuo**
Fine, old lady. Tonight, we'll debate rice crackers and peanuts till dawn.
**[21:53] Mom**
Let's settle it once and for all!
**[21:57] Underling A**
Boss, what did we come here for?
**[21:59] Katsuo**
How would I know, stupid?!
**[22:01] Katsuo**
Hey, you guys. Don't just stand there...
**[22:04] Katsuo**
Hurry up and bring us drinks!
**[22:08] Katsuo**
What's wrong with this place?
**[22:10] Katsuo**
You're a host club, yet you don't know how to serve your customers?
**[22:14] Gintoki**
Forgive us.
**[22:17] Gintoki**
We'll be right with you.
**[22:24] Shinpachi**
We're delighted to welcome you to host club Takamagahara.
**[22:28] Shinpachi**
I am Shin, one of the club's top three.
**[22:32] Gintoki**
I am Gin. Just do it.
***SIGN*** [Note: Spoof of the Nike slogan.]
**[22:35] Kagura**
Gura here.
***SIGN*** [Note: Spoof of Eikou Kano, a Japanese Comedian.]
**[22:43] Gintoki**
Just do it!
***SIGN*** [To Be Continued]
**[24:23] Ending Themeshinpachi Mother/Mom**
The next episode... "Don't Make Munching Noises When You Eat."
***SIGN*** [Katsuo the Black Piece, junior boss of the Gutter Rat Gang threatens Kyoshiro's Club, Takamagahara.]
***SIGN*** [The Odd Jobs trio turned into hosts. Okay! With my life.]
***SIGN*** [By the way, has Lake Toya arrived yet? Hasn't it? Has it arrived?]