E111 - “Definitely Do Not Let Your Girlfriend See The Things You Use For Cross-dressing" / "There's Almost a 100% Chance You’ll Forget Your Umbrella and Hate Yourself For It”

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    [Today, there'll be two episodes again. "OKAMA in love" and "Kagura and the umbrella."]
SIGN    [Note: "Okama" means cross-dresser
    or drag queen in Japanese.]
SIGN    [And "Katsura Enrichment Week" Part III, is going on. You'll see more details after the show's ending song!]
[01:42] Shinpachi
    We're doing this to earn back payments
    on our rent, Gin-san.
[01:46] Gintoki
    It's not Gin-san. I'm Pako right now.
[01:48] Gintoki
    Today, I forget all about the pride of being a man
    and the thing that hangs between my legs.
[01:51] Saigo
    Hey, you two aren't smiling. Smile!
[01:55] Baneko
    That's right. Right now you guys are...
[01:57] Wakame
    ...splendid butterflies
    dancing in the night.
[01:59] Agomi
    This special dancing team...
[02:01] Saigo
    You're a member of Kamaxile!
SIGN    [A parody of Exile, a 14-member Japanese pop music band. And "Kama," short for "okama" (drag queen).]
[02:04] Drunk
    Hey! Dance better!
[02:06] Gintoki
    You shut up! I'll kill you, Baldy!
[02:08] Baneko
    Hey, you, he's our customer!
SIGN    ["Definitely Do Not Let Your Girlfriend See The Things You Use For Cross-dressing"]
SIGN    [GIRLY BOY CLUB]
SIGN    [PAYMENT]
[02:18] Siago
    Here's the payment for
    both Pako and Pachie.
[02:22] Shinpachi
    Thank you very much.
[02:24] Saigo
    You were a mess, but thank you for helping
    us out when we were short on staff.
[02:28] Baneko
    You can officially join KAMAXILE and
    be a real member if you'd like.
[02:33] Gintoki
    Shut up. Who would wanna
    join your toad-ugly group?!
[02:37] Baneko
    Hey, that's so rude of you!
    Who's an ugly toad?
[02:39] Baneko
    We know we're beautiful, so
    stop being jealous, already!
[02:42] Wakame
    That's right! He's jealous
    of us! He's envious!
[02:44] Gintoki
    Hey, you guys, it's too late to think positively
    after you look in the mirror.
[02:48] Baneko/Wakame
    What?!
[02:51] Agomi
    Good work today.
[02:52] Shinpachi
    Ah, Agomi-san.
[02:54] Agomi
    It's not Agomi. My name is Azumi.
[02:59] Shinpachi
    For some reason, she seems depressed.
[03:00] Wakame
    She's been like that lately.
[03:02] Baneko
    She's all right at work, but right after
    she finishes, she gets like that.
[03:06] Gintoki
    Ah, I guess all her energy
    goes right to her chin.
[03:10] Wakame/Baneko
    Maybe so.
[03:15] Wakame
    Get home safe.
[03:17] Shinpachi
    Have a nice night.
[03:18] Gintoki
    There's no scarier place than that.
[03:21] Kagura
    That's true. It's like "Scary
    Face Safari Park."
[03:24] Agomi
    Hey, wait!
[03:26] Shinpachi
    Agomi-san.
[03:28] Agomi
    My name is Azumi.
[03:29] Agomi
    I have something to ask you, Odd Jobs.
SIGN    [RAMEN DAIGAKUIN]
[03:35] Agomi
    ...It was two weeks ago...
[03:37] Agomi
    As usual, I stopped by my favorite
    ramen shop after work.
[03:42] Waiter
    Here's your boiling stone
    bowl ramen special!
[03:46] Agomi
    Wow! It looks so yummy!
[03:48] Agomi
    Let's eat!
[03:54] Agomi
    It's hot!!
[03:56] Agomi
    Owwww!
[04:04] Jurota
    Are you...all right?
[04:07] ---
    At that moment, I realized it.
[04:12] Agomi
    That's right.
[04:14] ---
    It was love at first sight!
[04:20] Agomi
    Hey! Are you listening to me?!
[04:22] Gintoki
    I guess I'm lacking sleep.
    I feel dizzy, Shinpachi-kun.
[04:26] Shinpachi
    Don't worry. I'm really
    dizzy, too, Gin-san.
[04:30] Kagura
    I feel like I'm pregnant. I feel like
    throwing up so bad, Gin-chan.
[04:35] Gintoki
    Don't worry. I'm about to
    throw up, too, Kagura.
[04:38] Agomi
    His name is Jurota.
[04:40] Agomi
    He's a rookie host at Takamagahara,
    a well-known club in Kabukicho.
[04:45] Shinpachi
    Takamagahara... That's
    Kyoshiro-san's...
[04:48] Agomi
    I'm just another hostess...
    And he's a host...
[04:51] Agomi
    That's right. An innocent young girl
    like me is destined to play around.
[04:57] Gintoki
    I think I'm suffering from
    auditory hallucinations.
[04:59] Gintoki
    It sounded like he described himself as
    an innocent young girl, Shinpachi-kun.
[05:02] Shinpachi
    Don't worry, he really did say
    "innocent girl," Gin-san.
[05:07] Gintoki
    Are you all right, Kagura?
[05:09] Shinpachi
    Kagura-chan.
[05:10] Agomi
    I've never suffered so much over
    a passionate love affair before.
[05:14] Agomi
    So I need your help!
[05:16] Agomi
    I'm really suffering. It almost makes me want to die.
[05:19] Gintoki
    All right, here we go!
[05:21] Agomi
    Hey! Why are you going to kill me?!
[05:24] Gintoki
    Well, you said you wanted to die, so I
    was going to help you on your journey.
[05:28] Gintoki
    I was going to be the travel agent for hell.
[05:31] Agomi
    That's not what I meant!
[05:32] ---
    I want you to help lead me to love!
[05:35] ---
    I want you to put me on an
    international flight of love!
[05:38] Gintoki
    That kind of international
    flight is impossible!
[05:40] ---
    Even if you had a spaceship that
    can travel at warp speed,
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Space Battleship Yamato.]
[05:42] ---
    an old man's love would
    never reach that host!
[05:45] Agomi
    Who's the old man in love?!
[05:47] Three
    It's you!
[05:50] Agomi
    If I don't do something, I'll go crazy.
[05:53] Agomi
    I feel like I'm going to turn
    into a love monster!
[05:56] Shinpachi
    Well, you already are a monster, I guess.
[06:00] Agomi
    If you can't help me out,
    comfort me at least!
[06:03] Gintoki
    No way! No, no!
[06:04] Gintoki
    Healing the loneliness of
    an innocent old man
[06:06] Gintoki
    isn't on the list of the
    Odd Job's job duties!
[06:08] Agomi
    Then what do you think I should do?!
[06:11] Shinpachi
    Gin-san...
[06:14] Gintoki
    I guess we have no choice.
SIGN    [Three days later...]
[06:16] Gintoki
    We can try asking Kyoshiro.
[06:20] Agomi
    Welcome to the host
    club, Takamagahara.
[06:25] Agomi
    That's right. I started working
    as a new host
[06:28] Agomi
    in a black suit under the
    name Agonosuke.
[06:30] Agomi
    I locked away my true self deep
    in the bottom of my heart.
[06:34] Agomi
    Of course, it was a painful choice.
[06:36] Agomi
    I know... It doesn't mean the distance between
    our hearts is getting any closer.
[06:41] Gintoki
    Hey, you look like you're down! A-go-mi!
[06:43] Agomi
    Huh? Is that so?
[06:45] Gintoki
    You idiot!
[06:49] Gintoki
    Really... You showed your true colors
    so quickly after I called you by name.
[06:52] Kagura
    Are you even trying, you bastard?!
[06:55] Gintoki
    Hey, listen up.
[06:56] Gintoki
    We're gonna act like angry customers
    and pick a fight with Jurota.
[07:00] Gintoki
    You protect him from us.
[07:03] Gintoki
    Then the distance between
    your hearts will shrink.
[07:07] Agomi
    Pako...
[07:09] Agomi
    I...If I wasn't falling in love with him,
    I would fall in love with you guys.
[07:13] Three
    Please don't!
[07:17] Jurota
    Hello, I'm Jurota, the person you
    requested. It's nice to meet you.
[07:21] Gintoki
    Wow! You're so cute!
[07:24] Shinpachi
    So true! I'm going to fall for you!
[07:26] Kagura
    Hey, give us more services!
[07:29] Jurota
    Hey, wait...miss!
[07:31] Gintoki
    We do get more, right?!
[07:33] Shinpachi (M)
    Agomi-san, now is the time!
[07:34] Gintoki (M)
    You're using us as steppingstones to build
    up a trusting relationship with him!
[07:39] Agomi
    That smooth skin... I want to eat it...
[07:44] Gintoki
    You messed up!
[07:47] Shinpachi (M)
    We have no choice, Gin-san!
[07:48] ---
    Let's go to plan B!
[07:51] Shinpachi
    Well now, let's lighten the mood
    a bit. Chug that!
[07:54] Jurota
    Well, but this is too...
[07:56] Kagura
    Show us how cool you are!
[07:59] Gintoki (M)
    That's right. The customer who
    forces a host to drink is...
[08:02] Gintoki (M)
    ...a real troublemaker!
[08:04] ---
    Agomi, this is your chance!!
[08:07] Agomi
    Excuse me, Jurota-san...
[08:09] Agomi
    ...let me have that drink.
[08:13] Jurota
    Agonosuke-san...
[08:16] Agomi (M)
    Here we go...Azumi...
[08:23] Agomi (M)
    I can do this!
[08:25] Agomi (M)
    Men have courage!
[08:26] Agomi (M)
    Women are lovable! But cross-dressers
    are the most passionate!
[08:37] Jurota
    Agonosuke-san!
[08:39] Jurota
    A-Are you all right?!
[08:42] Jurota
    I'm so relieved...
[08:44] ---
    You saved me, Agonosuke-san.
[08:52] Host
    Thanks for coming.
[08:54] Shinpachi
    Well, all kinds of things were happening,
    but it was good for Agomi-san.
[08:57] Gintoki
    Sort of.
[08:59] Saigo
    Wait.
[09:02] Shinpachi
    Saigo-san.
[09:06] Host
    Hey, Agonosuke, when you're free,
[09:08] Host
    can you clean up the locker
    room for your fellow hosts?
[09:10] Agomi
    Certainly.
SIGN    [HOST LOCKER ROOM]
[09:15] Saigo
    What are you guys doing with him?
[09:18] Gintoki
    Nothing really.
[09:22] Gintoki
    It's what Agomi wanted. So we're
    just giving him a supportive push.
[09:26] Saigo
    But you do know, right?
[09:29] Saigo
    In the end, Agomi's love won't
    ever be reciprocated.
[09:32] Saigo
    Besides, he's an ordinary host,
    especially around them.
[09:34] Saigo
    If you do something unnecessary, and
    it hurts him, what are you going to do?
[09:39] Saigo
    Don't tell me you think things
    will work out between them.
[09:45] Gintoki
    No need to worry.
[09:47] Gintoki
    It's like Agomi is more a young girl
    in love than a real girl right now.
[09:51] Gintoki
    Just looking at a man from a
    distance gives him a fantasy.
[09:55] Gintoki
    But men in the real world
    are always nasty.
[09:58] Gintoki
    And not only in the way
    they treat woman...
[10:00] Gintoki
    ...but also in their lifestyle, the
    way they smell, everything.
[10:03] Gintoki
    If Agomi finds out about their real lives,
    his fantasies will be crushed.
[10:09] Gintoki
    Then she'll...
[10:11] Gintoki
    ...realize that she has to move
    on for the sake of tomorrow.
[10:14] Shinpachi
    Gin-san...
[10:18] Agomi
    No!
[10:20] Agomi
    This is...
[10:21] Agomi
    This is...
[10:22] Agomi
    ...Jurota-kun's...
[10:24] ---
    ...smell!
[10:27] Agomi
    Is this Jurota-kun's locker?
[10:29] ---
    Oh, yes! Oh, sweet!
[10:31] ---
    What's this? Nice smell! Oh, no! I'm
    going up! I'm rising to heaven!
[10:42] Jurota
    It's not like that!
[10:43] Jurota
    Well, see you later!
[10:46] Jurota
    Wow! Great!
[10:49] Jurota
    Agonosuke-san must be working
    really hard to clean up!
[11:00] Jurota
    A-Agonosuke-san...
[11:02] Agomi
    That's right... You found out...
[11:05] Agomi
    And so I might as well...
[11:15] Shinpachi
    It looks like Agomi-san quit the
    club after disgracing himself.
[11:19] Kagura
    It ended up being his hopeless love.
[11:22] Gintoki
    Serious feelings sometimes have
    a cruel ending, you know.
[11:27] ---
    But Agomi will move on for the
    sake of a new tomorrow.
[11:30] Jurota
    Thanks for waiting!
[11:32] Agomi
    Oh, no! I didn't wait at all.
[11:36] Agomi
    Well, let's go!
[11:37] Jurota
    Yeah, Azumi-san.
[11:39] Shinpachi
    Gin-san...What's...that?
[11:42] Gintoki
    Well, you know... He moved on for
    the sake of a new tomorrow...
[11:46] Gintoki
    ...with Jurota-kun.
[11:48] Kagura/Shinpachi
    What the...?!
[11:56] Gintoki
    It's raining today, too...
[11:59] Gintoki
    When rainy days come so often,
    it makes my heart gloomy as well.
[12:04] Kagura
    Rainy day, rainy day, more rainy days...
    It makes my brain moldy, too.
[12:10] Gintoki
    It was already like that.
[12:12] Gintoki
    How many days have
    we not seen the sun?
[12:16] ---
    It looks like mushrooms are
    growing on my crotch.
[12:17] Kagura
    It was already like that.
[12:20] Gintoki
    There are no clients. I don't feel
    like going out in the rain.
[12:24] Gintoki
    There's no money.
[12:25] Gintoki
    Sadaharu stinks and my feet stink,
    too, and so does Shinpachi.
[12:29] Shinpachi
    What do you mean, "so does Shinpachi"?
    Don't compare me to your feet.
[12:33] Shinpachi
    Why are you two being
    so negative? Cheer up!
[12:37] Shinpachi
    The rainy season will be over soon.
[12:39] Shinpachi
    Then you can get as much
    sunlight as you want.
[12:43] Gintoki
    ...That's why I hate the rainy season.
[12:46] Gintoki
    I'm kind of dubious about the
    name "Tsuyu," anyway.
SIGN    [Note: Tsuyu means rainy season.]
[12:49] Gintoki
    Just hearing to it makes me feel down.
[12:52] Gintoki
    Just listening to it makes me feel down.
[12:54] Shinpachi
    It can't be helped because
    it's the rainy season.
[12:57] Gintoki
    Why don't we call it by a different name?
[12:59] Gintoki
    Something with a more exhilarating tone.
[13:01] Gintoki
    How about "Happy Birthday To You?"
SIGN    [Note: Japanese pronounce "to you" like tsu-yu. Tsuyu = rainy season.]
[13:05] Shinpachi
    ...Isn't that a little long?
[13:06] Kagura
    It's too difficult to say.
    I prefer "Girl's Day."
SIGN    [Note: Kagura refers to the day of a girl's menstrual period.]
[13:10] Shinpachi
    No, that sounds like a different day.
[13:11] Shinpachi
    That's even more difficult to say.
[13:12] Shinpachi
    And it's not even an appropriate word
    for a show in this timeslot.
[13:14] Gintoki
    Then let's adopt the middle viewpoint
    and call it "Independence Day."
[13:18] Shinpachi
    Why is that the middle?
[13:21] Gintoki
    From now on, call "Tsuyu"
    "Independence Day."
[13:26] Shinpachi
    Anyway...well... "Independence Day"
    will be over soon, so let's cheer up!
[13:34] Gintoki
    Man, I really hate "Tsuyu"!
[13:36] Kagura
    I don't feel like doing anything.
[13:39] Shinpachi
    ...Huh? Aren't you going to
    use "Independence Day"?
[13:41] Shinpachi
    I felt a bit embarrassed saying that.
[13:43] Gintoki
    Huh? Shinpachi-kun, did you just say
    "Indepen...something"? What's that?
[13:48] Shinpachi
    No-No, I didn't... I didn't
    say that! What's that?!
[13:51] Gintoki
    Yeah, you just said it. "Indepen...something."
[13:54] Gintoki
    Isn't it popular right now?
    Is it something cool?
[13:56] Shinpachi
    I didn't say that! I don't
    even know what it is!
[13:58] Kagura
    You guys are too noisy!
[14:01] Kagura
    Stop annoying me and just shut up!
[14:02] Shinpachi
    Who do think is the most
    annoying person?
[14:05] Shinpachi
    You guys are just taking
    your stress out on me!
[14:07] Gintoki
    Not really. I don't take
    my stress out on you.
[14:09] Gintoki
    I'm not annoying at all, either.
[14:11] Kagura
    Don't talk! I'm so annoyed
    listening to you guys talk!
[14:14] Gintoki
    You're the one who shouldn't
    be talking! What's that?
[14:16] Gintoki
    Those mini gongs on your head! There's
    something ugly on your head!
[14:18] Kagura
    Oh? Why do you wear only
    one sleeve of that robe?!
[14:20] Kagura
    Why don't you wear it properly?!
[14:22] Shinpachi
    Good grief! I give up! I don't care
    about you guys anymore!
[14:25] Gintoki
    Shut up!
[14:25] Kagura
    Shut up, Four-eyes!
[14:26] ---
    Who you calling Four-eyes?!
SIGN    ["There's Almost a 100% Chance You'll Forget Your Umbrella and Hate Yourself For It"]
[14:38] Gintoki
    Why do I have to go out with you
    guys on such a rainy day?
[14:42] Shinpachi
    When we stay in the house and
    brood, we get depressed.
[14:47] Shinpachi
    We should go out at such times.
[14:49] ---
    And this isn't so bad, you know.
[14:53] Shinpachi
    An Edokko should enjoy each
    season's highlights.
SIGN    [Note: Edokko is a Japanese term referring to a person born and raised in Edo/Tokyo.]
[14:56] Shinpachi
    For example, look! Here come some
    girls walking with umbrellas.
[15:00] Shinpachi
    Aren't they pure and beautiful?
[15:25] Gintoki
    We see girls with umbrellas
    all throughout the year.
[15:29] Gintoki
    And girls with wet see-through
    T-shirts are more...
[15:34] Gintoki
    Hey, what are you doing?
[15:36] Shinpachi
    Kagura-chan, you'll catch a cold.
[15:40] Kagura
    ...It's broken.
[15:42] Gintoki
    Huh?
[15:43] Kagura
    My umbrella is broken.
[15:47] ---
    Just leave me alone.
[15:48] Kagura
    Women sometimes want
    to walk in the rain.
[15:52] Gintoki
    Hey. Your head is what's broken!
[15:55] Shinpachi
    What's with her?
[15:56] Gintoki
    Just leave her alone.
[15:57] Gintoki
    Brats like rain, storms, typhoons
    and all that kind of stuff.
[16:07] Shinpachi
    By the way, we ran out
    of laundry detergent.
SIGN    [OEDO STORE]
[16:25] Kagura
    Gin-chan, did you buy
    my pickled seaweed?
[16:28] Gintoki
    Buy it yourself, brat.
[16:31] Gintoki
    Here.
[16:35] Kagura
    I-I don't want it.
    That umbrella is too flashy.
[16:39] Gintoki
    Who said it was for you?
[16:42] Gintoki
    This is for me. Just use that dirty one.
[16:46] Shinpachi
    Wow, nice umbrella, Gin-san.
    It looks cool and chic.
[16:51] Gintoki
    This is nice, isn't it?
    Even though it only costs 100 yen.
[16:56] Kagura
    Hey, wait! That's weird. It's weird if a
    man uses it! I can take it if you like.
[17:02] Gintoki
    That's all right. It's all right
    if women walk in the rain.
[18:34] Gintoki
    It's raining again today...
[18:36] Shinpachi
    Whenever it rains,
    Kagura-chan goes out.
[18:40] Shinpachi
    She really is a girl at heart.
[18:42] Gintoki
    Humph. Brats like rain, storms, typhoons,
    and all that kind of stuff.
[18:46] Shinpachi
    That reminds me, the rain is supposed
    to get worse today.
[18:50] Shinpachi
    I wonder if she'll be all right.
[19:16] Gintoki
    It's raining again today...
[19:17] Shinpachi
    Kagura-chan is out today again?
    After all, she's a girl.
[19:22] Gintoki
    Brats like rain, storms, typhoons
    and all that kind of stuff.
[19:26] Shinpachi
    By the way, the 7th typhoon is going to
    hit Edo. I wonder if she'll be all right.
[19:57] Shinpachi
    Kagura-chan.
[19:59] Kagura
    ...What?
[20:01] Shinpachi
    The weather was really rough,
    so we were worried about you.
[20:04] Shinpachi
    You're all drenched. Are you all right?
[20:10] Shinpachi
    Kagura-chan, make sure you completely
    dry off with a towel, okay?
[20:14] Kagura
    All right.
[21:56] Gintoki
    Hey, young lady. Young lady!
[21:59] Gintoki
    You have such a cool umbrella.
[22:02] Gintoki
    Would you mind letting us under it?
    Because ours broke.
[22:10] Gintoki
    Boy, "Independence Day" makes me feel
    really gloomy. That's why I hate it.
[22:17] Kagura
    No, I think "Independence
    Day" isn't all that bad.
SIGN    [ANTI-FOREIGNER FACTION EMPLOYMENT EXAM MAKEUP TEST]
SIGN    [Because my birthday will be next week. -Kotaro]
[24:05] Katsura
    Then, here's the question.
[24:07] Katsura
    In today's episode, I showed
    up four times.
SIGN    [Note: Opening, Ending. This
    part won't be counted.]
[24:11] ---
    Which parts were those?
[24:13] ---
    You'll see the answer in
    next week's episode.
SIGN    
SIGN    Gintoki-sama, I have some vacation time.
SIGN    But I have no idea what I should do during my vacation.
[24:22] Gintoki
    Well, days off mean not doing anything.
[24:26] Tama
    The next episode... "Lucky Is a Man
    Who Gets Up and Goes to Work."
SIGN    [Next week, after a long absence, robot maid, Tama, appears.]
SIGN    [The origin of the name "Tama" is from the egg-cracker. Will you remember that?]
SIGN    [See you next time.]