E209 - Nothing lasts forever, etc.

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Gin
    Greetings, everyone.
[00:03] Gin
    Today's ****** was ******* because
    of the ******* ************,
[00:10] Gin
    so we have a ******
    special that's basically a !
SIGN    Nothing Lasts Forever, Including Parents, Money, Youth, Your Room, Dress Shirts, Me, You, and the Gintama Anime
[01:51] Shin
    Uh, excuse me.
[01:52] Shin
    I had no idea what you said
[01:54] ---
    at the beginning because of all the censoring.
[01:55] Gin
    Read between the lines, Pachi-boy.
[01:58] Gin
    Just look at what we're wearing.
[02:00] Gin
    And a kotatsu in May?
[02:02] Gin
    They're reusing old footage
    for this conversation.
[02:05] Gin
    Eight episodes into the new show and
[02:07] ---
    we're already resorting to cheap tricks.
[02:08] Gin
    And eight's supposed to be a lucky number?
[02:10] Gin
    No wonder your name has
    Japanese word for eight in it.
[02:11] Shin
    What's that supposed to mean?!
[02:13] Kagura
    The success of the movie led to the
    TV series returning after one year.
[02:16] Kagura
    Everything was going too smoothly.
[02:17] Kagura
    This show is always on the
    verge of falling apart.
[02:19] Kagura
    The second series could end at any time.
[02:22] Kagura
    We might as well air the same episode
    eight times, starting next week.
[02:25] Kagura
    Since Shinpachi's name has
    the word for eight in it.
[02:26] Shin
    We can't do that!
[02:29] Shin
    And first, we have to figure out
[02:31] ---
    what we're doing for the rest of this episode!
[02:32] Shin
    If we keep reusing old footage
    while babbling about nothing,
[02:35] Shin
    the producers who were
    so happy about the show
[02:37] ---
    coming back will have to go back to apologizing to everyone.
[02:40] Gin
    Well, let's play a song for now?
[02:42] Gin
    A song for the valiant efforts
    of Hasegawa-san, who's managed
[02:45] ---
    to survive despite his dark future, much like this show.
[02:47] Gin
    Take it away.
SIGN    Cardboard...
SIGN    "The God of Cardboard" MADAO
SIGN    Cardboard...
SIGN    They've taken everything away.
SIGN    My home, my job, my salary.
SIGN    I couldn't fight back
SIGN    as I lost everything.
SIGN    And then I...
SIGN    became a middle-aged dumb-ass oldie.
SIGN    They've taken everything away,
SIGN    but the God of Cardboard gives stuff to me.
SIGN    Cardboard can be transformed
SIGN    into a bed.
SIGN    At night,
SIGN    cardboard keeps away the cold.
SIGN    Cardboard...
SIGN    O, God of Cardboard.
SIGN    Cardboard...
SIGN    I softly closed my eyes and went to sleep.
SIGN    They've taken everything away.
SIGN    My pride, my savings, my assets.
SIGN    I couldn't fight back
SIGN    as I wore down.
SIGN    And then I...
SIGN    Was still a middle-aged dumb-ass oldie.
SIGN    They've taken everything away.
SIGN    But the God of Cardboard gives stuff to me.
SIGN    Cardboard can be transformed
SIGN    into a house.
SIGN    Cardboard keeps away prying eyes.
SIGN    Cardboard...
SIGN    O, God of Cardboard.
SIGN    Cardboard...
SIGN    I softly curled up into a ball.
SIGN    Cardboard...
[06:17] Kagura
    Who exactly benefited from this?
SIGN    Special Announcement
SIGN    The Gintama Movie Production Committee
[07:11] Zura
    Is this the end?
[07:13] Zura
    Instead of falling into enemy hands,
[07:16] Zura
    we should finish this like warriors
[07:19] Zura
    and cut open our bellies.
[07:23] Gin
    Don't be a fool.
[07:27] Gin
    Stand.
[07:33] Gin
    If you have time to plan out a pretty death,
[07:36] Gin
    why not live a pretty life to the very end?
[07:46] Gin
    Let's do this, Zura.
[07:48] Zura
    It's not Zura.
[07:51] Zura
    It's Katsura.
[07:52] Katsura
    The man's silver hair was lined with blood.
[08:03] Katsura
    He tore across the battlefield...
[08:10] Katsura
    ...like a Yaksha.
SIGN    Gintama the Movie II
SIGN    Birth of the White Yaksha
SIGN    Preview
[08:26] Tendo
    This blessed land
[08:29] Tendo
    should not be wasted on those barbaric apes!
[08:33] Sakamoto
    Charge!
[08:36] Takasugi
    Kiheitai! Follow my lead!
[08:45] Sakamoto
    You just charged in by yourself.
[08:47] Sakamoto
    You crazy in the head?
[08:49] Katsura
    You shouldn't be talking.
[08:52] Sakamoto
    Got that right.
[08:54] Takasugi
    Here.
[08:56] Takasugi
    Need a hand, Gintoki?
[08:59] Gin
    Shut up!
[09:00] Gin
    I don't need your help!
[09:11] Sakamoto
    I've made up my mind.
[09:13] Sakamoto
    I'm going into space.
[09:15] Sakamoto
    This war is killing off my friends.
[09:21] Sakamoto
    I'm sick of...
[09:23] Sakamoto
    ...watching friends die.
[09:38] Takasugi
    I see...
[09:40] Takasugi
    You were the one who...
[09:50] Takasugi
    Gintoki!
[09:51] Gin
    This guy is mine!
[09:54] Takasugi
    Tsk!
[09:55] Takasugi
    Back off!
[09:56] Gin
    Shut up!
[10:21] Gin
    Ma...
[10:24] Gin
    Master Shoyo!
SIGN    This is when it all began.
SIGN    Coming next spring.
SIGN    Also screening: Shinsengumi - Arrival in Kyoto -
SIGN    Preorder Bonus
    Everyone who preorders their tickets will receive Elizabeth 3D glasses!
[10:51] Shin
    Man, I didn't expect the second movie
[10:54] ---
    to cover this storyline.
[10:56] Gin
    You bet.
[10:57] Gin
    They're following up the success of
[10:59] ---
    Gintama the Movie: Benizakura Arc the New Translation.
[11:02] Gin
    And this isn't a rehash of one
    of the arcs from the TV series.
[11:05] Gin
    This is a completely original story.
[11:08] Kagura
    No one thought that the fake movie scam
[11:11] ---
    from Jump Anime Tour 2008 would become real.
[11:14] Gin
    Grown-ups are scum.
[11:16] Gin
    They're quick as lightning to ride on
[11:19] ---
    the coattails of success.
[11:21] Shin
    Fastest in the world, or so they claim.
[11:23] Kagura
    At this rate, we can do a movie every year.
[11:26] Kagura
    If this one is an original story,
[11:27] ---
    the next one can be another remake of a TV arc.
[11:29] Kagura
    After "Birth of the White Yaksha,"
[11:31] ---
    we can do "Kagura and the Steel Troops."
[11:33] Shin
    That arc doesn't exist!
[11:35] Shin
    And you clearly copied that
    title from someone else!
[11:37] Gin
    Oh, I'm pretty sure that the
    audience has noticed by now.
[11:41] Shin
    Huh? Noticed what?
[11:43] Gin
    Well, we're sitting here talking
    about a second movie...
[11:48] Gin
    ...but it ain't gonna happen.
[11:50] Kagura
    Life ain't easy for this series.
[11:56] Shin
    I knew it.
[12:00] Shin
    Wait!
[12:02] Shin
    Stop lying through your teeth!
[12:04] Shin
    We had a successful movie run
    and the series is back on TV,
[12:08] Shin
    and you're still trying to pull that crap?!
[12:10] Kagura
    The successful movie only made
    1/4 of what One Piece did.
[12:14] Gin
    You know...
[12:16] Gin
    The success of Gintama the Movie:
    Benizakura Arc the New Translation
[12:19] Gin
    was somewhat because we spent
[12:20] ---
    four years lying about making a movie on the TV show.
[12:24] Gin
    We aren't big daddies here.
[12:26] Gin
    Can't plant our seed on an annual basis.
[12:27] Shin
    What kind of metaphor is that?!
[12:29] Gin
    So we'll need to spend time
    setting up the next movie.
[12:34] Gin
    In three years, when the next World Cup is.
[12:38] Kagura
    Though this show might not make
[12:39] ---
    it past the preliminaries for movie consideration.
[12:43] Shin
    You guys aren't even trying, are you?
[12:47] Okita
    Chief.
[12:48] Okita
    Either way, the second movie
    won't use this storyline.
[12:52] Shin
    Okita-san.
[12:53] Hijikata
    Birth of the White Yaksha?
[12:55] Hijikata
    The Shinsengumi will look even worse.
[13:01] Okita
    Exactly.
[13:03] Okita
    So if there's a second movie,
[13:04] ---
    it should be "Gintama the Movie: Okita Becomes a Sadist,
[13:07] ---
    Hijikata Dies in the Wasteland."
[13:09] Hijikata
    What kind of subtitle is that?!
[13:11] Hijikata
    Why are you kind of copying
    the title from someone else?!
[13:13] Hijikata
    Why are you killing me off?!
[13:14] Kondo
    Calm down, Toshi.
[13:16] Kondo
    It doesn't matter if three years
    pass until the next movie.
[13:19] Kondo
    It doesn't matter if we
    don't play a major part.
[13:20] Kondo
    We will stay the course and
[13:22] ---
    stand upright like true samurai!
[13:24] Hijikata
    You need to change your course!
[13:27] Shin
    Wait!
[13:28] Shin
    Why are you naked again?!
[13:30] Kondo
    Well, in a movie, an actress is
[13:34] ---
    supposed to provide a nipslip or, I mean,
[13:37] ---
    a little sexual tension!
[13:38] Shin
    Kondo-san!
[13:39] Shin
    S-Sis!
[13:40] Otae
    Please, Shin-chan.
[13:42] Otae
    We don't need any more movies
[13:44] ---
    after the Benizakura Arc movie
[13:45] ---
    where I was somewhat the main heroine.
[13:48] Shin
    How selfish can you be?
[13:50] Kyubei
    I strum a melody for Otae-chan.
[13:53] Kyubei
    There is no other way.
[13:54] Shin
    What are you talking about, Kyubei-san?!
[13:56] Kagura
    Boss lady!
[13:57] Kagura
    Let me be the heroine next--
[14:04] Zura
    In the TV series, I may play a fool,
[14:05] Zura
    but in the movies, I cut a dashing figure!
[14:09] Zura
    All according to the law of movie-Gian!
[14:12] Okita
    Takeshi!
[14:15] Hijikata
    Wait up, Takeshi!
[14:18] Madao
    Oh, sorry about that.
[14:20] Madao
    The title of the next movie is
    "MADAO and the Steel Troops."
[14:26] Madao
    It was a lie?
[14:28] Kagura
    I want to have a go at being the heroine.
[14:30] Otae
    Then the three of us can be the
    main characters of the next movie,
[14:32] ---
    "Three for the Kill."
[14:33] Kyubei
    I'll play Sengoku...
[14:35] Sa
    You can't satisfy me by making me an extra!
[14:37] Gin
    Stop it, stupid!
[14:38] Katsura
    I am Gian!
[14:40] Hijikata
    You stupid bully!
[14:41] Shin
    Hey!
[14:42] Shin
    What the hell's going on?!
[14:43] Shin
    How are we supposed to stop this circus?!
[14:45] Gin
    How would I know, fool?!
[14:46] Elizabeth
    Man, look at you all whining.
SIGN    Quit Smoking
[14:50] Elizabeth
    That's why you're One Piece Quarter.
[14:53] Elizabeth
    Actually, it took four years
    to make 1/4 the amount.
[14:57] Elizabeth
    So if you want to be number one,
[15:00] Elizabeth
    you'll have to spend sixteen years preparing.
[15:02] Gin
    Huh?
[15:04] Gin
    What kind of logic is that?
[15:06] Elizabeth
    Hey, Luffy Quarter.
[15:08] Gin
    Huh?
[15:09] Elizabeth
    Finish this.
[15:10] Gin
    Hey!
[15:10] Gin
    That's impossib--
[15:11] Elizabeth
    Bye.
[15:12] Gin
    Don't run away, dammit!
[15:14] Shin
    Wh-What do we do, Gin-san?
[15:19] Gin
    Can't help it.
[15:21] Gin
    Everyone gather round!
[15:22] Gin
    We'll have to go with that!
[15:27] Gin
    Here we go!
[15:29] All
    Three!
[15:30] All
    Two!
[15:31] All
    One Peace!
[15:52] Gin
    Ask Mr. Ginpachi!
[15:55] All
    Is back!
[15:58] Gin
    Okay, it's been a while.
[16:00] Gin
    Let's go straight to the first question.
[16:03] Gin
    From someone with the pen name YNG:
[16:06] Gin
    In episode 197, "Not Losing to the Storm",
[16:09] Gin
    there was a scene where
    Gin-san was hit in the balls.
[16:13] Gin
    I'm a girl, so I don't
    know how much that hurts,
[16:17] Gin
    but a certain person said that
[16:19] ---
    "it hurts as much as a direct ignore-defense attack
[16:22] Gin
    on the abdominal area after a body blow
[16:23] ---
    removed all of the abs and other protection down there."
[16:28] Gin
    I don't understand what that means.
[16:29] Gin
    Could you give me a simple
    explanation of how much it hurts?
[16:33] Gin
    This question has been
    keeping me up at night.
[16:37] Gin
    Okay, here's your answer.
[16:40] Gin
    Abdominal area without
    any abs makes no sense.
[16:43] Gin
    Since you have abs,
[16:44] Gin
    but no balls,
[16:46] Gin
    it's hard to understand.
[16:48] Gin
    I'll use a metaphor that's more romantic
[16:51] ---
    so the girls will understand.
[16:53] Gin
    Now, let us pretend
[16:55] Gin
    that you are drinking tea
    in a field of flowers.
[17:00] Gin
    And then your pet bunny escapes.
[17:04] Gin
    You run after it,
[17:08] Gin
    but a prince on a white
    horse happens to pass by.
[17:10] Gin
    However, he doesn't have
    enough time to react,
[17:14] Gin
    and the white horse stomps on you.
[17:16] Gin
    However, you were wearing
    a helmet, so you're fine.
[17:20] Gin
    But then the prince loses his
    balance and is thrown off the horse
[17:25] Gin
    and is about to hit the ground,
[17:28] Gin
    when your butler catches him in mid-air
[17:30] Gin
    since your butler used to be a gymnast.
[17:31] Gin
    But since your butler strained
    himself, his back gives,
[17:35] Gin
    leaving him in excruciating pain.
[17:39] Gin
    Your butler screams in pain.
[17:41] Gin
    But then he wakes up.
[17:43] Gin
    Yes, it was all his dream
[17:47] Gin
    in a crappy book that left you in pain
[17:51] Gin
    and your mother in more
    pain as she watches you,
[17:53] Gin
    and your father in even more pain
    after he accidentally hit his balls.
[17:56] Gin
    That kind of pain.
[18:00] Gin
    After a long suspension, he's finally back.
[18:05] Gin
    Yes, bringing chaos and
    destruction back to class 3-Z...
[18:13] Takasugi
    I simply destroy.
[18:16] Takasugi
    Heartless and hardcore.
[18:17] All
    Takasugi-kun!
SIGN    Final Episode
[18:21] Gin
    Hey.
[18:22] Gin
    Close your textbooks.
[18:24] Gin
    Now, Mr. Kakashi from class N
[18:27] ---
    had his Sharingan stolen after school yesterday.
[18:30] Gin
    There are quite a few suspects,
[18:33] Gin
    but it's too much effort so I'm going
    to pick someone from this classroom.
[18:37] Gin
    Does anyone know anything?
[18:39] Kondo
    Teach! Takasugi-kun looks suspicious!
[18:43] Kondo
    He must be hiding the Sharingan
    under that eye patch!
[18:46] Kondo
    He wants to copy my Ninja Centerfold!
[18:49] Gin
    Is that true, Takasugi?
[18:51] Gin
    Kondo's centerfold is just above his hairy ass.
[18:54] Gin
    You'll only be copying a bunch of ass hair.
[18:57] Takasugi
    Heh, who would want that?
[19:00] Gin
    There you have it.
[19:01] Gin
    Well, I understand why the delinquent
    Takasugi would be a suspect,
[19:05] Gin
    but he doesn't need the Sharingan
    to improve his image.
[19:09] Gin
    After all, Takasugi already has
    plenty of emo kiddie tendencies,
[19:12] Gin
    such as being a delinquent,
    wearing an eye patch,
[19:16] ---
    and having a desire to destroy everything.
[19:18] Takasugi
    You want me to destroy you?
[19:21] Gin
    Well, I recommend that you refrain
    from picking up new personality traits
[19:24] Gin
    to boost your popularity
    in the character rankings.
[19:28] Gin
    You'll only confuse the audience
    by adding to your character.
[19:32] Gin
    New additions frequently fail hard.
[19:35] Gin
    It happens all the time in anime sequels.
[19:37] Kagura
    That's right.
[19:38] Kagura
    Those characters tend to be written off
[19:40] ---
    at the end of the second season.
[19:43] Shin
    Teach, I feel sick.
[19:45] Shin
    Can I go to the nurse's office?
[19:47] Shin
    Shimura.
[19:49] Shin
    You're going straight to the faculty office.
SIGN    The End
[19:58] Shin
    And so, did you enjoy the
    Celebrating the 8th Episode
[20:01] ---
    of the New Series with Another Boring Recap Special?
[20:03] Gin
    Next week's episode will be
[20:04] ---
    Celebrating the 9th Episode of the New Series with Another Recap.
[20:07] Shin
    The hell it will!
[20:08] Shin
    And yeah...
[20:09] Shin
    If you're curious about next week,
[20:10] Shin
    stick around after the ending credits.
[20:12] Kagura
    Are you talking about Piramekino?
[20:14] Shin
    No!
[20:15] Shin
    If we aired a recap this week
    and Piramekino next week,
[20:17] Shin
    it wouldn't be a joke anymore!
[20:18] Shin
    The show would be on the verge of fading out!
[20:21] Gin
    Now, now.
[20:22] Gin
    In any case, as long as nothing happens,
[20:25] ---
    same time next week.
[20:27] All
    Be there!
SIGN    Preview
[21:56] Bar
    What?
[21:57] Bar
    You want to know who the strongest
    person in the Kabuki District is?
[22:00] Bar
    There are four monsters
    on a level of their own.
[22:04] Bar
    The Fierce and Divine Mademoiselle Saigo.
[22:07] Bar
    Jirocho Doromizu the Gallant.
[22:09] Bar
    Peacock Princess Kada.
[22:11] Bar
    Empress Otose.
[22:14] Bar
    The Kabuki District Four Devas
SIGN    The Kabuki District Four Devas Arc
[22:18] Bar
    are in control of the Kabuki District.
[22:21] Pirako
    I have come to join Odd Jobs.
[22:24] Pirako
    My name is Pirako Chin.
[22:25] Gin
    Huh?! A killer?!
SIGN    The arrival of one girl...
[22:27] Gin
    This little twit?!
[22:28] Shin
    This little girl works for the underworld?!
SIGN    Signals trouble for the Kabuki District -
[22:31] Pirako
    I only know how to decorate with flowers.
[22:34] Pirako
    I'm here to turn the town where Jirocho is...
[22:37] Pirako
    To turn the Kabuki District
    into a garden of bright red!
[22:41] Kada
    There is no reason for us to fight.
SIGN    Four factions -
[22:44] Kada
    After all, isn't our enemy Jirocho?
SIGN    In an all-out war.
[22:48] Saigo
    You bastards ready to have
    your balls ripped out?!
SIGN    Jirocho Doromizu the Gallant
SIGN    drops in unexpectedly.
[22:56] Jirocho
    You think you can take
    my balls by teaming up?
[23:01] Otose
    I don't have any members in my faction.
SIGN    Emotions intertwine...
[23:06] Otose
    They serve no use at all.
SIGN    I'm sick of waiting for you to pay the rent. Take your fools and scram. Never come back to this town. -Otose
[23:09] Otose
    They just happen to be...
[23:11] Otose
    ...my family.
[23:13] Gin
    Gran!
[23:16] Jirocho
    So you're the White Yaksha?
SIGN    Two warriors who refuse to back down...
[23:18] Jirocho
    There are plenty more like you out there.
[23:24] Gin
    Crush us if you can.
[23:26] Gin
    The Otose Family will
[23:29] ---
    be paying our respects.
SIGN    A Lawless Town Tends to Attract
    a Bunch of Whoohooey Folk
SIGN    -Otose