E34 - Love Doesn’t Require a Manual

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:07] Takachin
    "The promising young pop star, TAMA. Her cat ears are so cute..."
[00:11] Takachin
    Wasn't she the one with the debut song that beat out Otsu's?
[00:15] Takachin
    She's the one who pushed Otsu-chan to eighth place on the Edocon, wasn't it?
SIGN    [Note: Edocon is a parody of the Oricon, a Japanese music sales ranking.]
[00:17] ---
    This makes me sick. What's so great about her?
[00:20] ---
    If she didn't have ears, she'd be just like any typical pop star.
[00:23] Sergeant
    Tell me about it. Cat ears are an abomination.
[00:26] Sergeant
    But if Otsu-chan had cat ears, her popularity would go through the roof.
[00:33] Takachin
    What are you saying, Sergeant?!
[00:34] Takachin
    Otsu-chan doesn't need cat ears! Right now, she's at her best and her cutest.
[00:38] Sergeant
    Takachin, it's a fact that a large number of people are attracted to cat ears.
[00:44] Sergeant
    In other words, this discussion begins with the acknowledgement of that fact.
[00:49] Sergeant
    Indeed, Otsu-san is cute and has a beautiful voice.
[00:53] Sergeant
    But it's an undeniable fact that these qualities alone are not enough to sustain an idol in times like these.
[00:59] Takachin
    Aren't you the one who's denying the facts?!
[01:03] Takachin
    I saw you buying TAMA's photo collection.
[01:07] Sergeant
    Th-That was just...
[01:11] Members
    President!!
[01:13] ---
    President!!
[01:14] Shinpachi
    Sergeant!! Tell me what Article 14 of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club Regulations is!!
[01:19] Sergeant
    M-Members shall worship no other idols, but Otsu!!
[01:25] Shinpachi
    That's exactly right!!
[01:26] Shinpachi
    Sergeant!! You were one of the club's top officials, but you broke this regulation!
[01:30] Shinpachi
    Therefore, you will receive the Nose Hook Destroyer as punishment!
[01:32] Passenger A
    Honestly. Young people these days... What are they thinking?
[01:37] Eromesu
    Hey! Stop.
[01:39] Matsudaira
    Come on.
[01:41] Matsudaira
    Have a drink with me, toots.
[01:44] Eromesu
    Hey, let go.
[01:46] Matsudaira
    Don't ignore me, sweet cheeks. I just want you to listen to me.
[01:50] Passenger A
    Honestly. A drunk now? Adults these days... What's this world coming to?
[01:51] Eromesu
    Stop! Let go of me!
[01:57] Matsudaira
    I'm really in a jam. My subordinates are all useless. And my daughter...
[02:03] Eromesu
    Stop. Get away from me. You stink!
[02:06] Matsudaira
    There's no need to say that.
[02:10] Eromesu
    Stop!
[02:11] Matsudaira
    Hey...
[02:11] Eromesu
    No! Someone!! Somebody, help me!
[02:25] Shinpachi
    Who cares about cat ears?
[02:28] Shinpachi
    There's a girl with cat ears...
[02:30] Shinpachi
    living downstairs from us. Her room smells like a litter box!
[02:35] Shinpachi
    I don't give a crap about cat ears!! Who cares about fetishes?! All cat ears should be burned!!
[02:39] Eromesu
    Umm...
[02:40] Shinpachi
    What is it?! I'm busy right now!!
[02:42] Eromesu
    Umm, thank you for saving me.
[02:45] Eromesu
    You sure are brave. That was very chivalrous of you.
[02:52] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Cat ears should...
[02:55] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Cat ears should...
[02:59] Shinpachi
    Cat ears should be adored!!
SIGN    [Shinpachi saved a lovely cat-eared girl on the train!!]
SIGN    [How will this otaku's love turn out? Isn't it a little late for a story like this?]
SIGN    ["Love Doesn't Require a Manual"]
[04:48] Omittedotae
    Shin-chan.
[04:51] Otae
    Shin-chan, those are your nostrils.
[04:53] Otae
    What is that? Is that your silent way of telling me you won't eat my cooking?
[04:57] Shinpachi
    No... It's not like that. Sorry... I was spaced out.
[05:01] Otae
    What's wrong, Shin-chan? You've been acting strange lately.
[05:05] Otae
    I heard from Gin-san that your witty comments are loosing their edge.
[05:09] ---
    You've got to get a hold of yourself.
[05:11] ---
    If you don't play the straight man, then this whole world will implode from an excess of funny men.
[05:16] Shinpachi
    Sorry...
[05:17] Otae
    Honestly... Don't apologize. You were supposed to make a comment there.
[05:21] ---
    You should've said something like "Dude! It's jokes like those that are destroying the world!"
[05:24] Shinpachi
    Sorry... I'll say it now.
[05:27] Shinpachi
    Dude, it's jokes-
[05:29] Otae
    Who are you calling a "dude"?!
[05:37] Shinpachi (Mono)
    What's wrong with me?
[05:39] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Ever since then, that girl's face won't leave my head.
[05:43] Shinpachi (Mono)
    My heart aches. It's painful...
[05:46] Shinpachi (Mono)
    No matter what I do, I can only think of that cat-eared girl...
[05:50] ---
    I never thought I would have feelings for a girl who's not Otsu-chan...
[05:54] ---
    Cat ears really are formidable.
[05:55] Shinpachi (Mono)
    No, no, no, no, no!!
[05:57] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I have only Otsu-chan. I won't ever cheat on her.
[06:02] Eromesu
    Umm... I'd like to repay your kindness. Can I have your address?
[06:08] Shinpachi (Mono)
    She said that, but was she telling the truth?
[06:10] Shinpachi (Mono)
    How is she going to repay me? Does she want to marry me?
[06:14] Shinpachi (Mono)
    No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!!
[06:16] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I am Captain Shinpachi Shimura of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club!!
[06:20] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I cannot be unfaithful!
SIGN    [Odd Jobs Gin]
[06:23] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I must stop having silly daydreams.
[06:26] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Nothing so sweet as this has ever come up during the sixteen years I've been alive.
[06:31] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Keep both feet on the ground. Dream appropriate dreams.
[06:35] ---
    Yes...
[06:36] Shinpachi (Mono)
    A guy as unexciting as me doesn't...
[06:40] Shinpachi
    Good morning!
[06:42] Kagura
    Meow!!
[06:44] Kagura
    What do you think of this, Gin-chan? Don't you think this is a good look?
[06:47] Gintoki
    Hey, don't put those on without permission.
[06:49] Gintoki
    They're for Shinpachi. Put it back in the box, right away.
[06:52] Kagura
    But you're eating the cake that was in the box.
[06:57] Gintoki
    Food is fine. The evidence is destroyed once it's in your stomach.
[07:02] Gintoki
    Oh, oh no. Shinpachi's going to be here any minute. I'd better put it back.
[07:05] Kagura
    Hey! That's not fair. I still haven't had a bite yet.
[07:11] Kagura
    Wow. This is good.
[07:13] Gintoki
    Aww... That's not good.
[07:15] Gintoki
    You've ruined my plan to eat it in a way that would make it seem as if it was always like this.
[07:21] Gintoki
    Oh well. I'll take a bit off here. You help, too.
[07:25] Kagura
    Okay.
[07:26] Gintoki
    Make it round. Make it a small round cake.
[07:30] Kagura
    Okay.
[07:31] Gintoki
    No, not round like that, make it cylindrical...
[07:33] Kagura
    Okay.
[07:35] Kagura
    Gin-chan, this is bad. This looks as short-lived as a pochi.
SIGN    [Note: Pochi is a parody of Pocky, a Japanese snack.]
[07:38] Gintoki
    Do you know why pochi tastes so good? It's because it's short-lived.
[07:41] Kagura
    Oh? So that's why Yakulko tastes so good.
SIGN    [Note: Yakulko is a parody of Yakult, a probiotic drink.]
[07:45] Gintoki
    It's the same as life.
[07:46] ---
    All right. Let's put this away.
[07:48] Shinpachi
    I'll put you away!!
[07:50] Shinpachi
    What are you doing, opening other people's mail?!
[07:53] Shinpachi
    There are things people should and shouldn't do!!
[07:56] Gintoki
    Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow... Shinpachi.
[07:58] Gintoki
    If you were there, you should say so. Was this some sort of trap?
[08:02] Kagura
    That's underhanded. You're terrible!
[08:04] Shinpachi
    You're the ones who are underhanded and terrible!!
[08:07] Gintoki
    Umm... Well, we didn't see anything. We just ate your cake.
[08:12] Kagura
    Yeah. We didn't read the letter or anything.
[08:14] Shinpachi
    Letter?!
[08:15] Gintoki
    Umm... Here.
[08:17] Gintoki
    It's a little ripped, but don't get the wrong idea. It came like that.
[08:21] Gintoki
    We didn't look inside.
[08:23] Kagura
    Yeah. We don't know anything about your date.
[08:25] Shinpachi
    Date?!
[08:28] Eromesu
    In appreciation for your help the other day,
[08:30] Eromesu
    I've sent you something that I believe will suit you.
[08:35] Eromesu
    It's not much, but I'd be happy if you wore it.
[08:39] Eromesu
    If it's possible, I'd like to see you again, so I can properly thank you.
[08:44] Eromesu
    Contact me when you feel like it.
[08:47] Eromesu
    I'll be waiting for your call. Eromesu.
SIGN    [Note: Eromesu is a pun on Hermes (the female lead in Train Man), only in this case, "ero" for erotic and "mesu" for female cat.]
[08:50] Shinpachi (Mono)
    No way! It's that girl!! No way! She wants to meet me? On a date?
[08:55] Shinpachi (Mono)
    W-W-W-W-What should I do?! I've never been on a date before.
[08:58] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I don't know what to do... Wait! That aside, is this really a date?
[09:03] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Wait! Should I go on the assumption that this is a date?
[09:07] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I'm the captain of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club...
[09:09] ---
    Wait! Tsu Terakado's totally beyond my reach!
[09:13] ---
    Am I going to pass up a real girl for a fantasy?
[09:16] ---
    Wait! That aside, is this really a date?!
[09:18] Shinpachi (Mono)
    No, wait! I'm not being unfaithful at all! This is just research!
[09:22] ---
    The Sergeant was bewitched by cat ears.
[09:25] ---
    I must investigate and experience their terror first hand so such a tragedy will never happen again!
[09:30] ---
    Yes! This is just research!
[09:32] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Unfortunately, I have no experience in love!
[09:35] Shinpachi (Mono)
    There's a strong possibility that...
[09:37] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I'll be shot down before I experience cat ears.
[09:42] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I need a manual!!
[09:44] ---
    It's not as if I want her to like me. This is research! I need a manual...
[09:47] Shinpachi (Mono)
    From someone who has a lot of experience!
[09:52] Shinpachi (Mono)
    But Gin-san looks like he's never had a wholesome romantic encounter in his life,
[09:56] Shinpachi (Mono)
    and Kagura-chan is just a girl who eats a lot.
[09:59] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Sis works at a cabaret bar, but she's a complete amateur at love.
[10:04] ---
    She says that she's going to protect her chastity until she gets married,
[10:06] ---
    but she'll probably never get married.
[10:09] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Aside from them... Huh?
[10:11] ---
    Someone close to me that I can confide in...
[10:15] Shinpachi (Mono)
    There isn't anyone?!
SIGN    [Train Samurai]
SIGN    [Note: This is a parody of Train Man (Densha Otoko)]
[10:21] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I saved a girl from a drunken molester on the train
[10:24] Shinpachi (Mono)
    and I'm meeting her because she says she wants to thank me.
[10:26] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Is this a date?
[10:27] ---
    And what goes on during a date?
[10:31] Shinpachi (Mono)
    In this case, regular people from far away are better than the idiots nearby.
[10:34] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I'm not good with computers, but I have no choice.
[10:37] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I can ask for opinions from all sorts of people here...
SIGN    [Internet Teahouse]
[10:39] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Furthermore, I can't talk to the people I know about love...
SIGN    [Samurai Chat Room]
[10:42] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Because it's too embarrassing.
[10:45] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Oh! There's a message already.
[10:47] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Amazing. People are actually reading my message.
[10:51] Shinpachi
    Online name: Fruit Punch Samurai?
[10:54] Katsura
    Train Samurai, this is not a sissy chat room where people discuss love.
[10:58] ---
    This is a place where samurai declare their beliefs.
[11:01] ---
    You're on the wrong board. Leave immediately.
[11:04] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Whoa! He's really angry.
[11:06] Shinpachi (Mono)
    With a name like Fruit Punch Samurai, too...
[11:08] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Sorry, Fruit Punch Samurai-san.
[11:10] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I'm not really good with this stuff.
[11:13] Shinpachi (Mono)
    But I'm really worried about this.
[11:15] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Could you please help me, Fruit Punch Samurai-san?
[11:19] Katsura
    I'm not Fruit Punch Samurai!! I'm Katsura!
[11:22] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Then what's the point in using a screen name?! And it's someone I know!!
[11:26] Shinpachi
    What the hell is he doing on this message board?
SIGN    [Fruit Punch Samurai. Occupation: Terrorist]
[11:29] Shinpachi
    What is a fruit punch samurai anyway?!
[11:31] Katsura
    Commit seppuku, commit seppuku, commit seppuku, commit seppuku...
[11:33] ---
    Fruit Punch Samurai is really getting hostile!
[11:35] Shinpachi (Mono)
    What a jerk. I'd like to fruit punch him right through the screen.
[11:39] Shinpachi
    Oh, a new person. Fallen Angel Samurai?
[11:44] Hasegawa (Woman)
    Hey, cut it out. This is a free board where samurai can talk about anything.
[11:50] Hasegawa (Woman)
    By the way, I'm a beautiful, slutty and flirty female swordsman. I'm known as the Fencing Beauty.
[11:55] Shinpachi (Mono)
    A woman. She might listen to me.
[11:59] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Fallen Angel Samurai-san, I'm a pathetic man who has never had a girlfriend in sixteen years.
[12:04] ---
    I don't know how to deal with women.
[12:07] ---
    What should I do? I'd appreciate your feminine opinion.
[12:11] Hasegawa (Woman)
    What a cute boy.
[12:13] Hasegawa (Woman)
    Fine, I'll teach you everything.
[12:18] Hasegawa
    This guy's an idiot. He thinks I'm a woman.
SIGN    [Fallen Angel Samurai. Occupation: Part-time worker]
[12:20] Customer
    Hey! Just work the register.
[12:23] Hasegawa
    Would you like to meet me offline?
[12:25] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Woah! What's with her? She's kind of creepy.
[12:28] Kondo
    Where do you want to meet?
[12:31] Shinpachi
    Fruit Punch Samurai guy went for it!!
[12:33] Shinpachi
    Wasn't this a place for samurai to discuss their beliefs?!
[12:36] Hasegawa
    I'm a guy, you moron! Wallow in porn for rest of your life!!
[12:39] Kondo
    Just kill yourself. Just kill yourself. Just kill yourself...
[12:41] Shinpachi (Mono)
    What are they doing?
[12:43] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Huh?! Looking closely...
SIGN    [Fruit Chinpo Samurai]
SIGN    ["Punch" is "ponchi" in Japanese. "Ponchi" spelled backwards is "Chinpo" which means "penis."]
[12:46] Shinpachi (Mono)
    It's not Fruit Punch Samurai.
[12:50] Yamazaki
    Commander, bad news.
[12:52] Yamazaki
    Matsudaira has been arrested for sexual harassment on the train.
[12:55] Kondo
    I'm busy right now! Tell me later!
SIGN    [Fruit Chinpo Samurai. Occupation: Shinsengumi Special Police]
SIGN    [Fruit Punch Samurai]
[12:58] Katsura (Mono)
    Who are you?!
[12:59] Katsura (Mono)
    You're using a name that's almost the same as mine, you horrible swine!
[13:02] Kondo (Mono)
    It's confusing. Change your name right now!!
SIGN    [Fruit Chinpo Samurai]
[13:05] Kondo (Mono)
    Commit seppuku!
[13:05] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Hey! Gee how old are these dopes?
[13:07] Katsura (Mono)
    You commit seppuku!
[13:07] Kondo (Mono)
    No, you commit seppuku!
[13:08] Katsura (Mono)
    No, you!
[13:09] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Aw, this is hopeless.
[13:12] Shinpachi (Mono)
    In this day and age, people are so indifferent with each other.
[13:17] Shinpachi (Mono)
    No one's going to listen to my petty woes.
[13:19] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I'm really beginning to hate myself.
[13:22] ---
    I'm an unimaginative dweeb who can't make a move without getting advice from other people.
[13:27] Shinpachi (Mono)
    A person like me has no right to fall in love.
SIGN    [Silver Samurai]
[13:33] Gintoki (Mono)
    Train Samurai, what are you so afraid of?
[13:37] Gintoki (Mono)
    Why are you so scared?
[13:38] Shinpachi
    Could it be...?
[13:39] Gintoki (Mono)
    Are you afraid your date is going to fail? Are you afraid of being rejected?
[13:44] Gintoki (Mono)
    Are you that afraid of getting hurt?
[13:48] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Gin-san... Why? How do you know about this?
[13:51] ---
    Can it be? Are you here?
[13:55] Gintoki (Mono)
    There are two things people are afraid of: death and embarrassment.
[13:59] Gintoki (Mono)
    Only fools try to overcome death.
[14:03] Gintoki (Mono)
    But it takes real guts to conquer embarrassment.
[14:06] ---
    That's my kind of fool.
[14:09] ---
    Go get her...
[14:10] Gintoki (Mono)
    Train Samurai. Tackle it head-on...
[14:13] Gintoki (Mono)
    Train Samurai. Make a fool of yourself.
[14:17] Gintoki (Mono)
    It will make you stronger. Go...
[14:19] Gintoki (Mono)
    Train Samurai!
[14:25] Gintoki (Mono)
    By the way, I, Gin-san, got a cute girlfriend by doing that.
[14:30] Satchan (Mono)
    She's an assassin. She wears glasses and is really good looking.
[14:34] Satchan (Mono)
    She's incredibly cute. Seriously. She's begging by my side right now. Heart.
SIGN    [Silver Samurai. Occupation: Assassin]
[14:41] Satchan (Mono)
    By the way, anyone who sees this message
[14:44] Satchan (Mono)
    has to make 10,000 posts in the thread titled "Sachan is going out with Gin-san."
[14:48] Satchan (Mono)
    If not, Sachan will kill you four days later at midnight. This is no joke.
[14:52] Satchan (Mono)
    One of my friends went missing on the fourth day after reading this.
[14:57] Kondo
    Are you serious?!
[15:00] Kondo (Mono)
    Umm... Fruit Punch, did you see that?
[15:02] Kondo (Mono)
    If you did, well, maybe we should work together...
[15:04] Kondo (Mono)
    We could each write 5,000 messages!
[15:07] Katsura (Mono)
    Good idea. We need to discuss the details.
[15:10] Katsura (Mono)
    Why don't we meet in person. Tomorrow at 1:00 PM.
[15:13] Katsura (Mono)
    I'll be waiting in front of the Ieyasu statue.
[15:15] Kondo (Mono)
    All right. I'll have fruit punch in my left hand.
[15:19] Kondo (Mono)
    You wait there with fruit punch in your right hand.
[15:22] Katsura (Mono)
    All right.
[15:24] Kondo
    No!!
[15:34] Gintoki
    Hey, does he think he's going to war?
[15:38] Gintoki
    He sure is giving off a weird vibe.
[15:40] Otae
    I see. So this is why he was acting strange.
[15:44] Kagura
    According to the letter, the girl should be showing up any minute now.
[15:47] Gintoki
    So that's that. Feel better now? Let's go and let them have their date.
[15:52] Otae
    No. That girl may one day bear the Shimura family's future heir. I want to see her with my eyes.
[15:59] Gintoki
    You're getting hasty. You're acting like a sister-in-law.
[16:02] Otae
    What would you do if that girl's name was Ken?
SIGN    [Note: Ken Shimura is a Japanese comedian.]
[16:06] Otae
    It would be the birth of a great comedian.
[16:09] Gintoki
    No woman is named Ken!
[16:11] Kagura
    Oh! Here she comes!
[16:14] Eromesu
    Shimura-san!
[16:20] Eromesu
    Sorry.
[16:22] Eromesu
    It seems I made you wait...
[16:26] Otae
    Hey... What is that?
[16:28] Otae
    They're cat ears!! I never heard anything about that!
[16:31] Gintoki
    Well, love transcends even the stars.
[16:35] Otae
    No way! I hate cats! I'm a dog person!
[16:38] Gintoki
    Wait, wait.
[16:39] Gintoki
    Dogs and cats are pretty similar. Those might actually be dog ears.
[16:44] Otae
    If she's a dog, then she's a dog that's been wed to the Shimura family.
SIGN    [Note: The Japanese character for dog can be read as "ken."]
[16:47] Otae
    It would be the birth of Ken Shimura!!
[16:49] Gintoki
    Who knows? Maybe she'll drop a whole litter of Shimura pups!
[16:52] Gintoki
    In the end, you're still way too attached to your brother!
[16:55] ---
    I always thought it was Shinpachi who couldn't break free from you.
[16:58] ---
    But...now I get it! You have a brother complex!
[17:01] Otae
    Who are you calling a burakon?!
SIGN    [burakon= brother complex]
[17:02] Otae
    I'm not an easy woman who can be controlled by a remote!
SIGN    [rajikon= "radio control"]
[17:05] Gintoki
    That's a rajikon!!
[17:09] Kondo
    Umm, Fruit Punch Samurai-san?
[17:13] Kondo
    Oh, you were right next to me.
[17:15] Katsura
    You told me you were going to hold your fruit punch in your left hand, but you were holding it in your right.
[17:19] Kondo
    Oh, sorry. I was thinking about it from the viewer's point of view.
[17:23] Katsura
    Well, sorry for being so rude in cyber space. I'm Fruit Punch Samurai.
[17:29] Kondo
    This is a nightmare. How can we possibly write 10,000 in three days?
[17:34] ---
    Oh, I'm Fruit C...
SIGN    [Blue Sky Cafe]
[17:42] Waitress
    Here's your lemon tea. Enjoy.
[17:46] Gintoki
    Following them to a place like this...
[17:49] Gintoki
    Isn't it kind of boorish to stick our necks into someone else's love life?
[17:53] Kagura
    I am being quiet! Scandals are achieved through legwork!!
[17:53] Otae
    Be quiet!! The future of the Shimura family is at stake.
[17:56] Gintoki
    Shut up. Don't talk at the same time!!
[17:59] Eromesu
    Who are those people?
[18:03] Eromesu
    Shinpachi-san?
[18:04] Eromesu
    That's your eye, Shinpachi-san.
[18:09] Eromesu
    Sh-Shinpachi-san!!
[18:12] Eromesu
    Are you all right? What's wrong? Did you get burned?
[18:16] Shinpachi
    N-No. I'm all right.
[18:19] Shinpachi (Mono)
    No, I'm not all right...
[18:22] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Your fervent gaze has scorched my heart.
[18:23] Eromesu
    What's wrong?
[18:26] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Crap! That's dirty, you cat-eared girl.
[18:28] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Why are such cute things on such a cute girl? They're like a secret weapon.
[18:33] ---
    Well, this one is a weapon in a different kind of way.
[18:37] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Sergeant! Right now, I understand why you fell for cat ears.
[18:41] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Cat ears are amazing! Praise cat ears!
[18:44] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I'm an idiot!! I didn't understand anything.
[18:47] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I was the one who needed to get hit, Sergeant.
[18:51] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I'm a coward. I really have no right to be doing this.
[18:58] Eromesu
    Umm, Shinpachi-san.
[19:00] Eromesu
    Thank you very much for the other day.
[19:03] Eromesu
    I never thought you would come. I'm really happy.
[19:08] Eromesu
    I wanted to meet you and thank you... Or rather, I actually... Once more...
[19:14] Shinpachi
    That's your eye.
[19:16] Eromesu
    Huh? Oh no! What am I doing?!
[19:19] Eromesu
    Sorry. What's gotten into me?
[19:22] Eromesu
    That's odd.
[19:23] ---
    My heart's racing.
[19:30] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Stop! Please stop making such cute gestures!!
[19:33] ---
    It's getting to me. You're hitting all my pressure points like a chiropractor.
[19:38] Gintoki
    What are you doing?
[19:39] Eromesu
    You're wearing the cat ears I gave you. I'm glad. I took the time to pick them out.
[19:45] Eromesu
    It was always my dream to walk with someone I admired wearing matching clothes.
[19:49] ---
    Oh! I said it...
[19:53] Gintoki
    What are you doing? Hey... Cut it out.
[19:56] Gintoki
    Umm... Are you lis...
[19:57] Otae
    What is this? What is this feeling?!
[19:59] Otae
    That girl is making me really annoyed!
[20:01] Otae
    What should I do?! What should I do?!
[20:04] Kagura
    There's something black in my heart! Get rid of it! Purge the darkness!
[20:10] Shinpachi
    Oh. There's no need to make a big fuss about walking. Why don't we do that right now?
[20:15] Eromesu
    Huh? Really?! Is that all right?
[20:18] Eromesu
    Thank goodness I gathered up all my courage.
[20:20] ---
    Huh? What's going on? Things are getting misty.
[20:25] Otae
    Shall I make you blind forever?!
[20:27] Gintoki
    Why me?! Do this to her!!
[20:30] Eromesu
    Umm... Can I hold your hand?
[20:33] Shinpachi
    Oh... Well...
[20:35] ---
    Here.
[20:41] Shinpachi (Mono)
    No matter how I look at this, this is a date.
[20:44] Shinpachi (Mono)
    We're holding hands and my heart is racing.
[20:48] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Huh? We ended up wandering down an awkward street.
[20:51] ---
    On no.
[20:53] ---
    She'll think that I want to be alone with her or that I want to go somewhere without any people.
[20:57] Shinpachi
    U-Umm, Eromesu-chan, this street isn't really interesting.
[21:03] Shinpachi
    Why don't we go down a main road?
[21:05] Eromesu
    Shinpachi-san, I moved around too much, I'm feeling a little tired.
[21:10] Eromesu
    My house is nearby. Care to go there to rest?
[21:14] Shinpachi
    Huh?
[21:16] Eromesu
    My parents aren't home, either.
[21:20] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Really?! No way! Huh? What? This already?!
[21:24] Shinpachi (Mono)
    We've just met... Huh? It that what's going on?
[21:24] Eromesu
    What should I do? I said it... Oh dear...
[21:28] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I had heard that young people are wild nowadays,
[21:31] Shinpachi (Mono)
    but this is as wild as the feudal era!!
[21:33] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I can't! I can't do it!
[21:36] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I'd be glad if I can do it with a cute girl like her...
[21:39] Shinpachi (Mono)
    But I'm still a boy and this time slot is anime time for children.
[21:43] Shinpachi (Mono)
    We were already demoted from golden hour.
[21:46] ---
    If the PTA sends in a flood of complaints, the show will be canceled...
SIGN    [Eromesu's House]
[21:53] Shinpachi (Mono)
    What?
[21:55] Eromesu
    What's wrong? Is there something wrong with my house?
[21:58] Shinpachi
    N-No! Nothing at all!
[22:00] Eromesu
    Well then...
[22:05] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Oh no! This is bad! Not good!
[22:07] ---
    We're going to get cancelled if I don't do something...
[22:11] Eromesu
    Umm... You can go in... I'll be waiting in bed...
[22:18] Eromesu
    Forever.
[22:21] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I don't care about getting cancelled!!
[22:23] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I won't back down after coming this far!!
[22:25] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Who cares if this is anime time for children!!
[22:27] Shinpachi (Mono)
    The staff will cheat by showing what happens like it's a science lesson...
SIGN    
SIGN    
SIGN    
[22:32] Shinpachi (Mono)
    It'll be all right! It'll definitely be all right!!
[22:36] Shinpachi (Mono)
    I...
[22:37] Shinpachi (Mono)
    Shinpachi Shimura, will become a real man!!
SIGN    [To be continued]
SIGN    
[24:17] Shinpachi
    Oh no! We've run out of time this week!
[24:21] Shinpachi
    We're going to continue next week! Huh? The next episode?
[24:24] Shinpachi
    Just cut that out! It's disgraceful for a man to turn down a woman's favor!!
SIGN    ["Love Doesn't Require a Manual (Continued)"]
SIGN    [Next week's episode: "You Can't Judge a Person by His Appearance, Either."]
SIGN    [...will be pushed back. Please understand. (Maximum extension is thirty minutes.)]