E192 - Kabukicho Stray Cat Blues

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] Hoichi
    Can't you tell...?
[01:32] Hoichi
    I used to be a human, same as you guys.
[01:36] Hoichi
    Until that point, I had taken away many
    things that could never be replaced.
[01:40] Hoichi
    But I would use this body,
[01:42] Hoichi
    the precious body he gave me,
[01:44] Hoichi
    to protect those things that
    can never be replaced.
[01:49] C
    This town doesn't need a boss.
[01:51] C
    We're gonna live free!
[01:53] Gin
    An uprising?
[01:55] Hoichi
    I'm leaving the rest to you.
[02:02] Gin
    Hoichi!
[02:11] Zura
    What are you doing?! Hurry up!
[02:13] Kondo
    We're leaving the rest to you, Odd Jobs!
[02:15] Zura
    Grant the stray cats of Kabukicho!
[02:17] Kondo
    And their proud king!
[02:20] Both
    True freedom!
SIGN    
[02:32] Katsuo
    Well, that should do it.
[02:34] Katsuo
    We've captured most of
    the strays in Kabukicho.
[02:39] Amb
    Thank you for your cooperation.
[02:42] Amb
    Well? Are there any to your liking?
[02:52] Man
    B-Bro...
[02:54] Man
    What's with the feeble old cat?
[02:57] Katsuo
    Moron! Don't make any
    stupid comments.
[02:59] Katsuo
    The cats will rip you apart and eat you.
[03:02] Katsuo
    That's their king.
[03:06] Man
    Huh?! That old geezer's the
    king of Planet Catnip?!
[03:10] Katsuo
    Moron! You're too loud!
[03:12] Man
    Why? Why's he here?
[03:14] Man
    Wouldn't the king coming
    to Edo be big news?!
[03:17] Man
    I never heard a word about it!
[03:19] Katsuo
    He's obviously being discreet because he
    doesn't want people to know he's here!
[03:24] Man
    Doesn't want people
    to know he's here...?
[03:27] King
    Meow!
[03:28] Tl
    Greetings, everyone.
[03:31] A
    What's with that old geezer?!
[03:32] A
    He can speak our language?!
[03:35] King
    Meow!
[03:36] Tl
    It is a pleasure to meet
    you, cats of Earth.
[03:38] King
    Meow-yeow.
[03:39] Tl
    I apologize for any inconvenience
    caused by assembling you here.
[03:42] Tl
    I must confess that I have
    a favor to ask of you.
[03:45] A
    Hey, he's pretty talkative for someone
    who looks the quiet type.
[03:48] King
    Mew.
[03:49] Tl
    We may come from different planets,
[03:50] Tl
    but we belong to the same race, which
    is why I hope you'll be willing to help.
[03:54] King
    Meow.
[03:56] Tl
    I am actually the king
    of a certain planet...
[03:59] King
    Purr.
[04:00] Tl
    I have grown old without
    producing any children.
[04:02] King
    Meorw.
[04:03] Tl
    And I must say that my wife
    is a dead fish in bed.
[04:06] Tl
    Of course, I love fish,
    at least the edible kind.
[04:09] Tl
    I mean, I'm a cat.
[04:10] A
    Hey! That geezer's spillin' everything
    to total strangers!
[04:14] King
    Mrrow.
[04:15] Tl
    She won't budge or make a
    sound, no matter what I do.
[04:18] Tl
    Practically copulationless.
[04:20] Tl
    I've become a master at going solo.
[04:22] Tl
    And I'm used to a curved faucet,
[04:26] Tl
    so normal sex completely fails to...
[04:27] B
    Hey!
[04:28] B
    We don't want to hear this!
[04:29] B
    Why do we have to listen to an old
    geezer's sexual preferences?!
[04:32] King
    Myao.
[04:33] Tl
    I took a new wife,
[04:35] Tl
    but by that time, I could
    no longer get it up.
[04:39] King
    Meows.
[04:39] Tl
    My nation is currently in an
    uproar over succession.
[04:44] King
    Meyow.
[04:45] Tl
    That is why I must ask a favor of you.
[04:47] C
    Hey, aren't we about to get lucky?
[04:51] C
    I heard something about losing
    our souls, though...
[04:54] B
    Maybe this geezer brought us
    here to pick a successor...
[05:00] King
    Meowzer.
[05:01] Tl
    Could you all please give me your balls?
[05:05] B
    Why?!
[05:06] A
    What kind of twisted logic is that?!
[05:09] King
    Meow-ow.
[05:10] Tl
    There is an ancient legend on our planet.
[05:14] King
    Nagas.
[05:15] Tl
    When the legendary "Golden
    Balls" are assembled,
SIGN    [Note: Parody of the manga "Dragon Ball".]
[05:18] King
    Meowes.
[05:19] Tl
    Shenlong will be awakened from
    its slumber in the earth,
[05:24] King
    Meowlos.
[05:25] Tl
    Will you assist in awakening
[05:28] King
    Meow.
[05:29] Tl
    my slumbering Shenlong?
[05:31] Katsuo
    That king plans on extracting cat balls
[05:35] Katsuo
    to produce the potent aphrodisiac
    Catnip Omega!
[05:40] C
    Don't talk about Shenlong,
    you sick geezer!
[05:43] B
    Screw that!
[05:44] B
    Why do we have to give up our balls to
    help wake up your withered Shenlong?!
[05:48] King
    Meowsus.
[05:50] Tl
    Your Golden Balls, brimming with
    virility, are the ideal ingredient.
[05:57] King
    Meowgos.
[05:58] Tl
    But this isn't enough.
[05:59] King
    Meof.
[06:00] Tl
    Your Golden Balls can shine brighter.
[06:04] A
    Where are we...?
[06:09] King
    Meows.
[06:10] Tl
    Do you know when seeds have
    the greatest survivability?
[06:15] Tl
    It isn't when you find a DVD-porn that
    perfectly matches your tastes.
[06:19] Tl
    Nor is it when you encounter
    a ravishing female cat.
[06:23] King
    It is when your life is in danger.
[06:29] King
    When faced with absolute death,
[06:33] King
    Golden Balls shine brightest in an attempt
    to leave its seed in this world.
[06:38] B
    N-No way...
[06:39] C
    Is that geezer planning on...
[06:41] King
    Now tremble in fear!
[06:43] King
    You are currently faced
    with imminent death!
[06:48] King
    Now, grant the Golden Balls light!
[06:51] King
    Fuel it with all your energy!
[06:54] King
    There's no need to worry!
[06:55] King
    If you end up as corpses, I won't
    let your Golden Balls go to waste!
[07:02] C
    He's gonna kill us!
[07:04] C
    Eat us up, leaving only our balls behind!
[07:24] Hoichi
    I won't let you pass...
[07:26] Hoichi
    I won't let you get one step past me.
[07:29] Hoichi
    Any further and you're on the turf of
    Hoichi, king of Kabukicho strays.
[07:39] King
    I-It's standing! On two legs!
    Wh-What is that?!
[07:49] King
    What is up with that cat?!
[07:52] Katsuo
    It's the king.
[07:53] Katsuo
    That is the boss cat which
    rules over Kabukicho...
[07:57] Katsuo
    Reigning over the stray cats...
[08:06] Katsuo
    Hoichi, the stray king.
[08:11] King
    M-Magnificent!
[08:13] King
    The vitality! Courage!
[08:16] King
    Brimming with virility!
[08:18] A
    Ho-Hoichi...!
[08:20] B
    Why? Why?!
[08:25] B
    Why is he helping us after
    what we did to him?!
[08:30] All
    WHY?!
[09:20] Hoichi
    Come on...
[09:22] Hoichi
    Hold on a little longer...
[09:23] Hoichi
    Just a little longer...
[09:27] Hoichi
    Hang in there...
[09:29] Hoichi
    Don't fall apart on me...
[09:32] Hoichi
    This guy's the last one...
[09:34] Hoichi
    Lend me your body...
[09:39] Hoichi
    A little longer...!!
[09:53] Otose
    You awake?
[09:55] Otose
    So you're the stray who's been making a
    name for himself in Kabukicho recently.
[09:59] Otose
    You're a fool to pick fights with dogs.
[10:02] Otose
    Good thing you only lost your ears.
[10:05] Otose
    You're quite a handsome one.
[10:08] Otose
    There's no need to worry.
[10:10] Otose
    The charge you were protecting
    is fine as you can see.
[10:15] Otose
    Well, it ran off.
[10:18] Otose
    You're not very well-liked.
[10:26] Otose
    I was wondering why it felt like
    this wasn't our first meeting.
[10:30] Otose
    You're exactly like him.
[10:34] Otose
    I once picked up another stray.
[10:37] Otose
    On the verge of death, just like you,
    lying on the side of the road...
[10:42] Otose
    A stupid cat that was your
    match in every way.
[10:46] Otose
    I don't know how he ended
    up there though.
[10:50] Otose
    Always seemed as though he
    were looking for something.
[10:53] Otose
    Butting in where he wasn't wanted
    and pitting his own body
[10:57] Otose
    to protect the things that were
    important for other people.
[11:00] Otose
    Almost like he was trying
    to atone for something.
[11:03] Otose
    Meanwhile, he kept nothing for himself.
[11:06] Otose
    Didn't get close to anyone.
[11:09] Otose
    He was always alone...
[11:12] Otose
    Just like you...
[11:16] Otose
    Maybe he was afraid of enduring
    the pain of loss again...
[11:19] Otose
    Maybe he didn't want others
    to experience what he had...
[11:24] Otose
    Perhaps he was trying to punish himself.
[11:30] Otose
    But you know...
[11:32] Otose
    There were other strays who
    were drawn to that idiot.
[11:37] Otose
    Soon he could no longer stay alone.
[11:41] Otose
    Maybe he just learned from them.
[11:46] Otose
    That fatalism won't make anyone happy.
[11:51] Otose
    Friends to protect, who protected him,
    may have given him the strength to move on.
[11:59] Otose
    You protect and suffer losses.
[12:01] Otose
    You're protected and suffer losses.
[12:03] Otose
    But then you take on a new burden.
[12:06] Otose
    In the end, it's just a cycle.
[12:08] Otose
    That's life.
[12:12] Otose
    Rough, isn't it?
[12:15] Otose
    But you know, when I see the expressions
    on those three faces,
[12:18] Otose
    I start to feel that it's not too bad.
[12:24] Otose
    Why am I saying all this to a cat?
[12:27] Otose
    When I saw you rampaging
    around on your own,
[12:30] Otose
    I was somehow reminded
    of how he used to be.
[12:34] Otose
    Live positively.
[12:38] Otose
    I'm sure you have friends
    waiting to support you.
[12:44] Otose
    The ones you care for would
    want you to do so...
[12:49] Hoichi
    I can't be positive, Granny...
[12:56] Hoichi
    I can't make anything happen
    by being positive...
[12:59] Hoichi
    I don't deserve any friends when I
    couldn't even protect my only pal...
[13:08] Hoichi
    I forgot how to make friends
    a long time ago.
[13:16] Hoichi
    Still, even if I couldn't make friends,
    I wanted to protect them.
[13:24] Hoichi
    I wanted to protect something with these
    hands, instead of taking from others...
[13:34] Hoichi
    Sorry I couldn't protect you
    all till the very end...
[13:38] Hoichi
    I'm a failure
[13:43] Hoichi
    of a boss cat...
[13:48] Hoichi
    Pal, I broke another promise...
[13:53] Hoichi
    Sorry...
[14:07] Hoichi
    Gi-
[14:08] Hoichi
    Gin!!
[14:22] Hoichi
    Gi-
[14:23] Hoichi
    Gin!!
[14:31] Amb
    What is that cat?!
[14:33] C
    Th-That's...
[14:35] B
    The newbie!
[14:36] Gin
    Bastards!
[14:37] Gin
    Did you hear what he said?!
[14:39] Gin
    He just voluntarily gave up
    his position as boss cat!
[14:43] Gin
    From this point on, Kabukicho
    will be a city of free strays!
[14:47] Gin
    Kabukicho no longer has a boss cat!
[14:50] Gin
    From now on, you're free
    to do whatever you want!
[14:53] Gin
    Live by your own rules!
[14:55] Gin
    Now that you're free, let's test those
    free-minded idea of yours!
[15:00] Gin
    Think long and hard before you answer!
[15:03] Gin
    He's no longer the boss cat!
[15:06] Gin
    So who is this dirty rag-like Doraemon?!
[15:09] Gin
    Who is this pathetic Mr. Frieza who bled
    for you, got beaten to a pulp for you?!
[15:26] Cats
    He's just another
[15:28] Cats
    pal!
[15:35] Amb
    I-Impossible!
[15:36] Amb
    The strays are uniting!
[15:37] Amb
    This is...! This is...!!
[15:39] King
    M-Magnificent!
[15:41] King
    Witness that swarming wave of virility!
[15:45] King
    That's it! That is what is needed
    for Catnip Omega...!
[15:48] Amb
    There's no time for that, your majesty!
[15:50] Amb
    We must evacuate!
[15:51] Amb
    It's dangerous here!
[15:52] King
    No!
[15:54] King
    I want my Catnip Omega
    so I can be nippy!
[15:56] King
    Nippy I tell you!
[16:03] Zura
    Did you know?
[16:05] Zura
    Naughty cats...
[16:06] Zura
    ...learn to behave if you neuter them.
[16:10] Amb
    Oh, really?
[16:10] Amb
    I've never heard that before...
[16:12] King
    But it's just a myth, a myth.
[16:15] King
    That couldn't be enough to
    stop my burning pathos...
[16:19] Zura
    Why don't we find out?
[16:21] Both
    Huh?
[16:27] Man
    Bro, is it okay to ditch the king?
[16:30] Man
    Don't blame me if we get in trouble later.
[16:33] Katsuo
    Are you a moron?
[16:34] Katsuo
    How could that fool be a king?
[16:36] Katsuo
    This wasn't a bad job.
[16:39] Katsuo
    Turned a pretty profit, and we
    got to watch a fine show.
[16:43] Katsuo
    Of a true cat king...
[16:51] Hoichi
    Gin, you've really done it now...
[16:55] Hoichi
    Instead of succeeding me as boss cat,
[16:59] Hoichi
    you abolished monarchy and turned
    Kabukicho into a lawless land.
[17:01] Hoichi
    They'll run wild now.
[17:07] Gin
    They'll be fine without a boss cat now.
[17:10] Gin
    Since they understand the pain
    their pal's been through.
[17:15] Gin
    And you can forget all the
    tedious stuff and live easy.
[17:21] Hoichi
    I...
[17:22] Gin
    Fatalism won't make anyone happy.
[17:27] Otose
    Live positively.
[17:31] Gin
    Your buddy didn't give you his
    body to help you survive
[17:37] Gin
    for you to atone.
[17:42] Gin
    Don't you think he wanted his chained
    friend to live free like a stray?
[17:55] Hoichi
    So I should live by my own
    rules, as you put it?
[18:00] Gin
    That would be the Kabukicho way.
[18:10] Hoichi
    Gin, I have a favor to ask.
[18:14] Hoichi
    Don't worry.
[18:15] Hoichi
    I won't ask you to succeed
    me as boss cat again.
[18:19] Hoichi
    I just...
[18:21] Hoichi
    I want to be pals with...
[18:51] Zura
    I've been thinking...
[18:53] Zura
    The cats in this grave might
    not have been cursing us.
[19:01] Gin
    Say, why are we back like this?
[19:04] Zura
    It's possible that they only wanted
    us to save Master Hoichi.
[19:09] Gin
    Hey, doesn't something stink?
[19:12] Zura
    It's possible that they knew how
    Master Hoichi was suffering.
[19:16] Gin
    Hey, you said something about
    taking a dump here, right?
[19:19] Zura
    It's possible that I had diarrhea.
[19:22] Gin
    Possible, my ass!
[19:23] Gin
    It's damn obvious if you
    were the one who did it!
[19:28] Man
    Ah, it's true!
[19:29] Man
    Katsura's really here!
[19:31] Zura
    Farewell, Gintoki!
[19:33] Gin
    Hey! Something weird's popped out!
[19:35] Gin
    Isn't this p-
[19:36] Zura
    Give my regards to Master Hoichi!
[19:37] Man
    After him! After him!
[19:39] Man
    It was just as Kondo-san said!
[19:41] Man
    That's our commander for you!
[19:43] Okita
    By the way, where have you
    been this whole time?
[19:46] Okita
    We were worried, Kondo-san.
[19:50] Hijikata
    Kondo-san, you look different somehow.
[19:54] Hijikata
    Oh, did you cut your hair?
[19:58] Gin
    Give my regards to Master Hoichi?
[20:01] Gin
    Even if we run into one another,
    he won't recognize us.
[20:07] Gin
    And it stinks!
[20:09] Otose
    I see.
[20:11] Otose
    So the strays were safely released
    from the embassy.
[20:15] Shin
    Yes.
[20:16] Shin
    But they're still running wild,
[20:20] Shin
    so the neighborhood association is saying
    that they should still be neutered.
[20:26] Otose
    So?
[20:27] Otose
    Gintoki's come back, right?
[20:30] Shin
    Ah, yes.
[20:31] Shin
    He didn't give us any details,
[20:34] Shin
    but he was apparently in a rough situation where
    he couldn't have anything sweet to eat.
[20:40] Clerk
    Thank you very much.
[21:19] Man
    Hey! Where do you think you're
    pissing, you damn stray?!
[21:24] Man
    Come on, what is this?
[21:26] Man
    How long do you need to piss?
SIGN    ["Thanks, pal."]
SIGN    
[23:19] Otae
    Everybody, we'll be learning
    how to cook next week.
[23:23] Kagura
    What? I don't need to.
[23:24] Kyu
    Me, a samurai, learning how to cook...?
[23:26] Sa-Chan
    Too much of a pain.
[23:27] Otae
    Line up right now.
[23:29] All
    We're very sorry!
[23:31] Otae
    The next episode...
[23:32] Otae
    "Cooking is About Guts."
SIGN    [Set out to marry rich?! The GinTama girl brigade attend the Kitaoji Cooking School.]
SIGN    [Different people have vastly different approaches when making egg and boiled rice, huh?"]
SIGN    [See you next time.]