E62 - Even Mummy Hunters Sometimes Turn into Mummys

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    [Previously on GinTama]
SIGN    [After all that, the Benizakura Arc has come to an end. Thank you for your hard work, DOES-san.]
SIGN    
SIGN    [Starting from this episode, we'll be returning to the usual GinTama. Viewers tune in and get ready.]
[03:28] Hijikata
    Katsura and Takasugi, eh?
[03:31] Yamazaki
    Katsura used to be an extremist, but now he's a moderate.
[03:36] Yamazaki
    In fact, he keeps the easily agitated Anti-Foreigner Faction from running amuck.
[03:41] Yamazaki
    It was only a matter of time before Katsura bumped heads with Takasugi and his more militant faction.
[03:46] Yamazaki
    Both sides suffered huge losses. There were over fifty dead and missing.
[03:51] ---
    Nizo the Butcher's whereabouts are also unknown.
[03:54] ---
    Both sides will be out of action for a while.
[03:57] Hijikata
    But I still don't get it.
[03:59] ---
    Takasugi had Okada, Kawakami and other fierce fighters on his side, but Katsura didn't have anyone.
[04:05] ---
    How in the world did he manage to hold his own against Takasugi's group?
[04:09] Yamazaki
    About that... I have some interesting information.
[04:12] ---
    It seems Katsura had a strange team of helpers. They were...
[04:17] Yamazaki
    a ridiculously strong silver-haired samurai and two strange kids.
[04:26] Yamazaki
    Vice-Chief, do you think that might've been...
[04:29] Hijikata
    Him?
[04:31] ---
    Seems that guy was involved with the Ikedaya incident with Katsura,
[04:36] ---
    but he managed to get away.
[04:39] Hijikata
    Shall we check him out?
[04:40] Yamazaki
    Vice-Chief...
[04:41] Hijikata
    He's always seemed a little fishy.
[04:43] ---
    You must've realized it, too.
[04:46] ---
    If we investigate, we might find a few skeletons in his closet.
[04:48] ---
    He never did anything to attract attention, so I let him be, but...
[04:51] ---
    It might be time.
[04:53] Yamazaki
    What if we find out he's involved with the Anti-Foreigner Faction?
[04:58] Hijikata
    That should be obvious.
[05:00] Hijikata
    Whether he's a moderate or a radical, he's still our enemy.
[05:06] Hijikata
    Kill him.
SIGN    ["Even Mummy Hunters Sometimes Turn into Mummys"]
SIGN    [Note: He's wearing a Seigaku uniform from Prince of Tennis]
SIGN    [Note: He's wearing a Hyotei uniform from Prince of Tennis]
[05:48] Yamazaki
    You're mine!
[05:52] Musashi
    Wah! It's huge!!
[06:12] Yamazaki
    You're not there yet.
SIGN    [Note: Ryoma's favorite phrase from Prince of Tennis]
[06:24] Yamazaki (M)
    Kill him...? The Vice-Chief's not being reasonable.
[06:28] Yamazaki (M)
    He already lost to that guy, so how am I supposed to beat him?
[06:32] Yamazaki (M)
    What's he thinking...?
[06:35] Yamazaki (M)
    I need to do something or he'll yell at me,
[06:38] Yamazaki (M)
    so maybe I should start by asking around.
[06:41] Shinsengumi Member
    Yamazaki-san, look out!
[06:46] Otsu
    Huh? The Odd jobs? Thunder Dome?
[06:49] Yamazaki
    Th-That's right.
[06:50] Yamazaki
    If you know anything about them, can you please tell me?
[06:54] Otsu
    Oh! That's no good!
[06:55] ---
    You have to talk in Otsu language or I won't cooperate. Intestine burst!
[06:59] Yamazaki
    If you've heard anything, I'd appreciate you letting me know. Shimantogawa Cooking Academy.
[07:03] Otsu
    Hmm... The Odd Jobs is, how should I put it, someone I can rely on;
[07:07] Otsu
    someone who'll do anything. But I have to pay him, of course. Fatal blunt force trauma.
[07:12] Yamazaki
    No, I wasn't asking about his work.
[07:14] Yamazaki
    I want you to tell me a bit more about his private side. Death Note.
[07:17] Otsu
    About his private side?
[07:20] Otsu
    Hmm... I don't really know. Middle-aged...
SIGN    [Note: The person in the corner is from Mobile Suit Gundam.]
[07:25] Hasegawa
    Huh? Gintoki Sakata?
[07:27] Yamazaki
    Yes. I'd like you to tell me anything you know about the Odd Jobs boss.
[07:32] Yamazaki
    Oh, please have one.
[07:35] Hasegawa
    Thanks. That's considerate of you.
[07:41] Hasegawa
    Yeah him... Him, eh? He's, you know...
[07:45] Hasegawa
    Frankly, he's still a Madao.
SIGN    [Note: MA-DA-O is an acronym for "MAttaku DAme na Otoko" which means a totally hopeless man]
[07:47] Yamazaki
    Madao?
[07:48] Hasegawa
    You know, it has a lot of meanings, but in essence it means he's hopeless.
[07:53] Hasegawa
    If you ask me though, I think he's got something going for him.
[07:56] ---
    But if you ask the people around him,
[08:00] ---
    they'll say he loafs around, plays pachinko, and drinks.
[08:01] Yamazaki (M)
    The Odd Jobs boss does seem hopeless,
[08:04] Yamazaki (M)
    but I don't think that's all there is to him.
[08:06] Yamazaki (M)
    I think I need to find out and ask the people who are closer to him.
[08:10] Hasegawa
    Are you listening?
[08:12] Yamazaki
    Uh, yeah.
[08:13] Yamazaki
    What sort of person is the boss of the Odd Jobs to you, Hasegawa-san?
[08:17] Hasegawa
    Well, let's see... Someone you can't describe in a nutshell.
[08:21] Yamazaki
    I see. I understand.
[08:23] Hasegawa
    Are you listening?!
[08:51] Yamazaki (M)
    It's no use...
[08:52] ---
    I can't understand him from what the people around him tell me.
[08:55] ---
    Or rather, no one really understands him.
[08:59] Yamazaki (M)
    But...the more I investigate, the more mysterious the Odd Jobs boss becomes.
[09:05] Yamazaki (M)
    I guess I'll have to see for myself, after all.
[09:09] Shinsengumi Member
    'Zaki-san, look out!
[09:14] Yamazaki
    Boss!
[09:17] Yamazaki
    Odd Jobs Boss!
[09:19] ---
    Huh? Not home?
[09:22] Yamazaki
    I'm letting myself in.
[09:26] Yamazaki
    Huh?
[09:29] Yamazaki
    Boss?
[09:30] Yamazaki
    Boss.
[09:32] Yamazaki
    Boss.
[09:33] Yamazaki
    Are you in here? Not here?
[09:36] Catherine
    You. What're you doing there?
[09:39] Yamazaki
    N-No...I'm...
[09:41] Catherine
    Somehow, I sense we're alike. Are you a thief?
[09:44] Yamazaki
    You said it. You just said you're a thief.
[09:47] Catherine
    How dare you! I'm a former thief!
[09:50] Catherine
    What's with the cocky attitude!
[09:51] Catherine
    Don't look at me with those condescending eyes!
[09:54] Yamazaki
    What're you getting angry at me for?!
[09:56] Otose
    What's going on, Catherine?
[09:57] Catherine
    Oh, Otose-san.
[09:59] Yamazaki
    Forgive me.
[10:00] ---
    Is the boss in? Is the boss of the Odd Jobs in? This is for...
[10:05] Catherine
    I'll take it!
[10:06] Otose/Yamazaki
    It's not for you!
[10:08] Otose
    You said you wanted to see Gintoki?
[10:11] Otose
    He got hurt or something and is recuperating at Shinpachi's place.
[10:15] Yamazaki
    Recuperating?
[10:23] Yamazaki (M)
    Shinpachi Shimura's home... A broken down dojo...
[10:27] ---
    It's a bother, but maybe I'll sneak in there tonight.
[10:30] Voice
    'Zaki-san! Look out!
[10:31] Yamazaki
    Not this time!
[10:34] Voice
    Look Out!
[10:35] ---
    Runaway horse!
[10:36] ---
    Catch him!
[10:47] Yamazaki
    This is the place.
[10:48] Yamazaki
    It's bigger than I expected.
[10:53] Yamazaki (M)
    But this is getting more suspicious.
[10:56] Yamazaki (M)
    Could those injuries have been from that incident...?
[11:00] Yamazaki (M)
    If so, then...
[11:03] Hijikata
    Kill him!
[11:04] Yamazaki (M)
    Man, what does he want me to do?
[11:06] Yamazaki (M)
    I don't feel safe... I want to go home.
[11:09] Kagura
    Who's there?!
[11:10] Yamazaki (M)
    Do they know?!
[11:11] Kagura
    Oh, so it's you.
[11:14] ---
    I thought you'd show up.
[11:17] Yamazaki (M)
    Holy cow. The boss is good-he saw though everything.
[11:22] Kagura
    Have you come to avenge your dead friends, Muscat?
[11:26] Yamazaki (M)
    Huh? Muscat?
[11:28] Kagura
    Are you talking about Marilyn? Prieza!
SIGN    [Note: Spoof on Frieza from Dragonball.]
[11:31] Kagura
    Dokaa. Bishi-bashi-bishi. Gufu. Dooon!
[11:36] Kagura
    Gara-gara buri-buri ten, buri.
[11:38] ---
    Buri-buri bushaa. Gara-gara gara goshi-goshi.
[11:40] Yamazaki (M)
    She's reading JUMP out loud... How tedious.
[11:41] ---
    "Huh?" Goshi-goshi-goshi. Ack. "There's blood on you, again."
[11:45] Gintoki
    Hey, I'm completely lost. Give it to me-I'll read it myself.
[11:50] Kagura
    No. JUMP is too stimulating for someone who's injured.
[11:53] Kagura
    I'll read it to you.
[11:54] Gg
    Then read it the right way, so I can understand what's going on.
[11:57] Yamazakiu (M)
    I'll sneak underneath.
[12:00] Kagura
    Okay. Wait a minute. Something for Gin-chan...
[12:03] Kagura
    Ahem. Manaka-dono, please turn off the light.
[12:06] Kagura
    Ignoring Nishino's words, Manaka leapt atop her like a wild beast...
[12:12] Gintoki
    Never mind! That's enough! You're too young for this!
[12:15] Otae
    I told you not to move around!
[12:22] Otae
    Gin-san, how many times do I have to tell you before you understand?
[12:25] Otae
    If you move again with those injuries, you'll die. (I'll kill you.)
[12:29] Gintoki
    Sorry, but can I check into a hospital? I'm hearing things.
[12:33] ---
    I thought I heard an ominous echoing voice say, "I'll kill you."
[12:37] Gintoki
    Ah! No! No! Don't get me wrong, it's not you, it's me.
[12:40] Otae
    You mustn't. If you checked into a hospital, you'd just sneak out.
[12:44] Otae
    If you're here, I can easily hunt you down.
[12:46] Gintoki
    There it is again! I thought I heard her say she'd hunt me down!
[12:51] Shinpachi
    Gin-san, you're not hearing things.
[12:55] Yamazaki (M)
    That was close! I was almost skewered.
[13:00] Yamazaki (M)
    But now I have a peephole. Now I can see inside the room.
[13:05] Otae
    You must be getting hungry. I made you something to eat.
[13:09] Otae
    I made rice gruel with egg.
[13:11] ---
    But since you can't move, I'll have to feed you.
[13:14] Gintoki
    What kind of torture is this?
[13:16] Yamazaki (M)
    What? A meal?
[13:18] Kagura
    Sis, let me feed him.
[13:20] Otae
    Sure, Kagura-chan, you can be his mother.
[13:23] Otae
    Here you go.
[13:27] Yamazaki (M)
    My eye!! Something's in my eye!!
[13:30] Yamazaki (M)
    It burns!! My eye...my eye!
[13:33] ---
    It's some toxic substance! I'm positive! It's some kind of chemical weapon.
[13:36] Yamazaki (M)
    No doubt about it! They know I'm here!
[13:40] Yamazaki (M)
    If I don't quickly get away...
[13:42] Yamazaki (M)
    I'll be killed...
[13:43] Otae
    I have some more over there. I'll go get it.
[13:46] Otae
    I said, don't move!
[13:50] Gintoki
    She's got to be kidding! I won't survive a recuperation like this!
[13:54] Kagura
    Get back here, you wavy-haired freak!
[13:55] Otae
    Shin-chan, turn on "Fort mode"!
[13:58] Shinpachi
    All right.
[14:07] Otae
    You think you can escape?!
[14:09] ---
    This mansion has had numerous stalker attacks.
[14:13] ---
    So to keep the bad guys out, we've been diligently adding protective armaments.
[14:17] Otae
    So now it's something of a fortress.
[14:21] Otae
    Not even a mouse can escape
[14:23] Otae
    from this iron fortress!
[14:27] Shinpachi
    What happened to restoring the dojo?
SIGN    [Chome Chome Chome Koh! Eat it!]
SIGN    [Your Older Brother is Chome Chome Chome Chome Chome]
SIGN    [Your Father is Chome Chome]
SIGN    [Twelve songs including her debut single, "Your Mother is Chome Chome!"]
[14:51] Otsu
    This is Tsu Terakado! Iodine solution!
[14:54] Otsu
    My first compilation album is now on sale! Jock itch!
[14:58] ---
    My producer, Tsunpo, loves how we keep selling the same sound. Big Magnum.
[15:05] Otsu
    Tsu Terakado's compilation album:
[15:07] Otsu
    "Forget Your Worldly Worries and Have Fun Today Necromancer" is on sale at last!
[15:12] Otsu
    If you don't buy it, I'll rip your mole off.
[15:25] Yamazaki
    What?!
[15:32] Yamazaki
    Dammit! What's going on?
[15:34] Yamazaki
    How's it rigged to fall from above?! What's with this house?!
[15:37] Otae
    There!
[15:40] Otae
    Tsk.
[15:40] ---
    He's good at running away.
[15:42] ---
    Shin-chan! The SOL! It's time for the SOL!
SIGN    [Note: Spoof of SOL (Satellite in Orbital Laser-weapon) from the movie AKIRA.]
[15:45] Shinpachi
    Okay, okay.
[15:54] Yamazaki
    I should be safe out here...
[15:56] ---
    Huh?
[16:03] Yamazaki
    Wh-Wha-What is that?
[16:05] Yamazaki
    It can't be...could it?!
SIGN    [SOL 740 Stalker Punishing Laser]
[16:21] Otae
    Shin-chan! Concentrate fire on that location!
[16:24] Shinpachi
    Okay.
[16:51] Otae
    That's it, Shin-chan!
[16:52] ---
    Send him back to the Stone Age!
[16:55] Shinpachi
    No, that'll destroy the house.
[16:57] Yamazaki
    It's the Chief! It's all the fault of that fool's stupid daily behavior.
[17:02] Kondo
    Otae-san, you missed something!
[17:04] Kondo
    If there's absolutely no way out,
[17:06] Kondo
    then the reverse of that means it becomes an impenetrable love nest for you and me!
[17:11] Kondo
    That's right. That's what it means.
[17:13] ---
    Think positive. Think only positive thoughts, Isao.
[17:15] ---
    If you think negative thoughts for even an instant, Isao,
[17:18] ---
    you'll end up just like the Baagen-Dash!
[17:20] Yamazaki
    So you were here, just as I thought!
[17:22] Kondo
    That voice! 'Zaki! That you, Yamazaki?!
[17:25] ---
    Of all people, the one who's like a death curse is the only one who can save me!
[17:28] Yamazaki
    Okay, I'll call Zaoriku-san for you.
[17:29] Kondo
    I was kidding! Only kidding!
[17:31] ---
    I'm glad you weren't Zaraki-kun!
[17:32] ---
    I'm glad you were not Kenpachi-kun!
[17:34] Kondo
    Let's get out of here quickly!
[17:36] Kondo
    Uh-oh, my hands and feet are getting shaky...like a newborn gorilla...
[17:39] Yamazaki
    You mean like a newborn colt, Chief.
[17:40] ---
    No, no! I wasn't mistaken.
[17:42] ---
    I was referring to my mental state.
[17:44] ---
    Every creature is a bit unsteady when it's first born!
[17:46] Yamazaki
    You're still unsteady even thirty years after you were born.
[17:50] Sachan
    You're too soft.
[17:51] Sachan
    Did you really think a trap like this was going to break my feelings for Gin-san?
[17:55] Sachan
    Did you, Otae-san?
[17:56] ---
    Looking at it from the flip side, this means you fear me, doesn't it?
[17:59] ---
    You think I'll take Gin-san away from you, don't you?
[18:02] Sachan
    That's it. That's what it means.
[18:04] ---
    Think positive. Think only positive thoughts, Sachan.
[18:07] ---
    If you think negative thoughts for even an instant,
[18:09] ---
    Sachan, you'll end up just like your glasses.
[18:12] Yamazaki
    There's another idiot here!
[18:13] Sachan
    That voice is Gin-san's!
[18:15] Sachan
    He's come to rescue me!
[18:16] Sachan
    I'm so sorry... I snuck in here so I could care for you, but I ended up like this.
[18:20] Yamazaki
    Wrong guy, stupid! Does losing your glasses affect your hearing, too?!
[18:24] Sachan
    It is you, Gin-san! That sadistic touch is uniquely yours.
[18:28] Sachan
    You can't fool me!
[18:30] Yamazaki
    What?!
[18:31] Yamazaki
    Were these pits specifically designed to catch obsessed freaks?
[18:34] Kondo
    Hey, Death Spell!! What're you doing?!
[18:36] Kondo
    If you don't hurry, this newborn gorilla is gonna be new-dead!
[18:39] Yamazaki
    Shut up!
[18:40] Sachan
    It is you, Gin-san!
[18:41] Sachan
    You're having fun by making me impatient, aren't you?
[18:43] Sachan
    Okay, I'll go along!
[18:45] Yamazaki
    You shut up, too!
[18:49] Kondo
    What?!
[18:50] Kondo
    You mean that Odd Jobs bastard is sleeping under the same roof as Otae-san?!
[18:55] Yamazaki
    What're you getting at?
[18:57] Yamazaki
    Remember the investigation! You sent me to investigate the Odd Jobs boss!
[18:59] Kondo
    Don't give me that!
[19:01] Kondo
    That's...I mean...not fair!
[19:03] Kondo
    I've tried so many times to approach her,
[19:05] Kondo
    but I never get closer than a room full of bamboo stakes.
[19:07] Yamazaki
    This is hopeless. He's not listening at all.
[19:09] Sachan
    What? You're losing heart just because of that?
[19:12] Sachan
    You're an embarrassment to stalkers.
[19:14] Kondo
    What was that, bitch?!
[19:15] Yamazaki
    Hey, hey, it's beginning to sound like a stalkers' roundtable.
[19:18] Sachan
    You should appreciate the fact that a person like her even exists.
[19:22] Sachan
    Maybe you're lacking the masochistic feeling.
[19:25] Sachan
    When I heard Gin-san had a kid, I was fine with it.
[19:28] Sachan
    In fact, it turned me on.
[19:30] Kondo
    You've been calling me a stalker all this time,
[19:32] Kondo
    but don't lump me together with you!
[19:34] Kondo
    I'm just persistent, insidious and clumsier at love than most.
[19:37] Kondo
    That's all it is!
[19:38] Yamazaki
    That's a stalker.
[19:40] Sachan
    That's funny.
[19:41] Sachan
    You won't even admit you're a stalker.
[19:44] Kondo
    I tell you, I am absolutely not a stalker!
[19:45] Kondo
    If anything, I'm a hunter...of love.
[19:47] Yamazaki
    That's enough, hunter. This is no time for a confession.
[19:52] Yamazaki
    Depending on the circumstances, I have orders to kill.
[19:55] Yamazaki
    What should I do?
[19:57] Kondo
    Why not kill? Shall I do it for you?
[20:00] Sachan
    Go ahead and try.
[20:02] Sachan
    You know what'll happen to you if you lay a hand on Gin-san, don't you?
[20:05] Yamazaki
    Hey, hey!
[20:06] ---
    Just a minute! Stop that, you two...
[20:10] Gintoki
    Good grief... Why does this happen to me...?
[20:13] ---
    Kill!!
[20:17] Kondo
    Gintoki!
[20:18] Sachan
    No you don't!
[20:22] Otae
    Found you!
[21:04] Yamazaki (M)
    Vice-Chief...
[21:06] Yamazaki (M)
    That man isn't a person someone like me can comprehend.
[21:11] Yamazaki (M)
    He seems to be a strange sort. I can't tell if he's loved or despised.
[21:17] Yamazaki (M)
    He gets people caught up in his troubles,
[21:19] Yamazaki (M)
    but people are attracted to him.
[21:22] Yamazaki (M)
    What? You haven't heard?
[21:25] Yamazaki (M)
    Is he an Anti-Foreigner loyalist?
[21:27] Yamazaki (M)
    Well...I couldn't really tell.
[21:32] Yamazaki (M)
    But...
[21:33] Tetsuko
    Excuse me...
[21:35] Tetsuko
    Excuse me. Is Gin-san here?
[21:41] Yamazaki
    Huh?
[21:42] Tetsuko
    You live here, right?
[21:44] Tetsuko
    I heard that Gin-san was here. I couldn't open the gate, so...
[21:49] Yamazaki
    I don't think you should go in there right now. It's dangerous. 'Bye.
[21:55] Tetsuko
    Then...
[21:56] Tetsuko
    Can I at least leave a message?
[22:02] Tetsuko
    Tell him...a lot has happened to me, but I'm fine now.
[22:08] Tetsuko
    Tell him...I'm truly grateful.
[22:18] Yamazaki (M)
    He probably doesn't even think about the Anti-Foreigner Faction's activities or politics like that.
[22:24] Yamazaki (M)
    I'm sure he just wanted...
[22:28] Yamazaki (M)
    to see that girl's smiling face. That's how I feel. Sagaru Yamazaki.
[22:38] Hijikata
    A composition?!
[24:11] Gintoki
    What's this? I'm in worse shape than I was before.
SIGN    
[24:16] Unknown
    If samurai are dogs, then ninja are cats.
[24:19] ---
    They'll cuddle up to anyone who has food.
[24:22] ---
    There's no beauty or ugliness in the way we live.
SIGN    The next episode... "The Preview Section in JUMP is Always Unreliable."
SIGN    [Okuni the Clairvoyant possesses eyes that can see the future.]
SIGN    [Former Oniwabanshu agent, Zenzo Hattori, now works part-time at a pizza joint.]