# E53 - Stress Makes You Bald, but It's Stressful to Avoid Stress, so You End Up Stressed Out Anyway, so in the End There's Nothing You Can Do
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G69PJMPWY/stress-makes-you-bald-but-its-stressful-to-avoid-stress-so-you-end-up-stressed-out-anyway-so-in-the-end-theres-nothing-you-can-do)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:02] Shinpachi**
"Land of the Samurai."
**[00:03] ---**
The days when our country was called that are long past...
**[00:07] Gintoki**
Hey, what's with that?
**[00:09] Kagura**
Makes it seem like a rerun...
**[00:11] Shinpachi**
A viewer who just started watching said they didn't understand what was going on.
**[00:16] Gintoki**
They should buy the original comics or the DVD.
**[00:21] Kagura**
That's right. It's a business opportunity.
**[00:23] Shinpachi**
What's with that?!
**[00:25] Kagura**
Women and anime are more appealing if they're a bit mysterious.
**[00:28] Gintoki**
So, the people who don't understand should do something on their own.
**[00:32] Shinpachi**
This anime's hopeless....
***SIGN*** [Spring is the season of new beginnings. People marry, start new jobs...]
***SIGN*** [To those people, we offer the following words: "Life is like a soap bubble."]
***SIGN*** ["Stress Makes You Bald, but It's Stressful to Avoid Stress, so You End Up Stressed Out Anyway, so in the End There's Nothing You Can Do"]
**[02:22] Gintoki (M)**
What is right?
**[02:24] Gintoki (M)**
What is wrong? In this mixed-up world...
**[02:29] Gintoki (M)**
deciding what is right and wrong is not easy.
**[02:34] Gintoki (M)**
You can't just go by somebody else's rules. If you let yourself be controlled like that...
**[02:42] Gintoki (M)**
you'll just become a puppet that can't make decisions on its own.
**[02:46] Gintoki (M)**
In the end, the only choice is to decide for yourself.
**[02:52] Gintoki (M)**
You have to live by your own rules.
**[02:56] Gintoki**
It should be okay to put JUMP with the combustible trash. Reading it always lights my fire.
**[03:00] Otose**
You're the only thing that's on fire!
**[03:05] Otose**
I keep telling you that magazines go out with Wednesday's recyclable trash!
**[03:09] Otose**
When are you ever going to learn how to separate your trash?
**[03:13] Otose**
You throw everything in the combustible trash pile!
**[03:15] Gintoki**
I hate non-combustible trash!
**[03:17] Gintoki**
What's non-combustible, anyway? That makes it sound like this won't burn!
**[03:21] Gintoki**
This can be burned! Those sanitation workers are just too lazy to do it.
**[03:25] Otae**
You some kind of overzealous teacher or something?!
**[03:27] Otae**
Anyway, take that back home with you.
**[03:29] Otae**
Recently, there've been a lot of arsons at trash collection sites,
**[03:32] Otae**
so they're much stricter with the rules.
**[03:34] Gintoki**
What a pain.
**[03:36] Gintoki**
Oh well, then. Maybe I'll just use it for toilet paper...
**[03:40] Gintoki**
Huh? Hey, whoa! A fire? Here?
**[03:44] Gintoki**
That hag! She tossed her cigarette!
**[03:48] ---**
This is bad! Water! Water! No water!
**[03:52] Gintoki**
Pull yourself together, pal. You can do this... Believe in yourself... You can do it...
**[04:00] Tatsumi**
Caught you in the act at last!
**[04:03] Tatsumi**
Serial arsonist.
**[04:06] Tatsumi**
Now that I, Tatsumi of the ME team, have found you, don't expect to escape with your life!!
***SIGN*** [Note: ME team is a play on ME-gumi no Tatsugoro of "Abarenbo Shogun."]
**[04:12] Gintoki**
Excuse me, please stop staring.
***SIGN*** [ME-Team HQ]
***SIGN*** I'm trying to tell you.
**[04:21] Gintoki**
I was just trying to put out the fire with my "holy water."
**[04:26] Tatsumi**
Stop lying, you perverted arsonist!
**[04:29] Tatsumi**
Showing me your filthy thing! You've traumatized me, you perv!
**[04:32] Gintoki**
You know, this experience will only make you stronger.
**[04:37] Tatsumi**
I don't want to hear that from the guy who traumatized me!
**[04:39] Gintoki**
You mustn't be so passive about it!
**[04:42] Gintoki**
When you saw my crotch, you became a live witness to a man in battle!
**[04:47] Gintoki**
Think positive!
**[04:50] Tatsumi**
Damn you. Don't make fun of me just because I'm a woman!
**[04:53] Tatsumi**
From the day I became a firefighter,
**[04:55] Tatsumi**
I rolled up my gender in a wad of tissues and threw it in the trash, you jerk.
**[04:58] Gintoki**
Then seeing a crotch or two shouldn't be a problem at all!
**[05:03] Gintoki**
Just wrap it up in a tissue and throw it away! It was embarrassing for me, too, you know.
***SIGN*** [Note: The scroll reads: "Don't play with fire"]
***SIGN*** This isn't about you! This is about arson!
**[05:10] Gintoki**
Like I told you, I didn't do it! This was the only liquid I had!
**[05:14] Tatsumi**
Get away from there, dammit!
**[05:16] Chief**
What's going on? You sure are noisy.
**[05:19] Chief**
I was resting up so I'd be ready in case of an emergency. Keep quiet, stupid!
**[05:25] Tatsumi**
Everyone! I captured the arsonist!
**[05:27] Chief**
Probably the wrong one again, right?
**[05:29] Chief**
You've hauled in eight innocent people this week alone.
**[05:33] Chief**
Enough of this "Nancy Drew" crap.
**[05:38] Chief**
Don't you ever do anything foolish like trying to catch the arsonist again, idiot.
**[05:42] Tatsumi**
A firefighter's job is to also prevent fires!
**[05:45] Tatsumi**
I'm positive he's the one! He was setting fires at a trash pickup site just like the arsonist.
**[05:50] Announcement**
Fire at the tofu shop at 3-chome.
**[05:53] Announcement**
Origin appears to be a trash pickup area next to the store.
**[05:56] Announcement**
Proceed immediately. Repeat. Fire at the tofu shop at 3-chome...
**[05:57] Chief**
Okay! Guys, let's roll!
**[05:59] Men**
Right!
**[06:00] Tatsumi**
That can't be...
**[06:01] Gintoki**
I told you. I told you.
**[06:05] Chief**
Tatsumi...
**[06:06] Chief**
I realize you're a woman trying as hard as you can to keep up with the guys.
**[06:11] Chief**
But you're chasing your own tail!
**[06:13] Chief**
By the time you realize you've been blown around by the winds of life, it'll be too late.
**[06:17] Chief**
So don't try to live the same life we lead.
**[06:20] Tatsumi**
Telling me that won't change my mind!
**[06:23] Chief**
Then let me convince you. A woman can't be a firefighter.
**[06:27] Tatsumi**
Wha...?
**[06:35] Tatsumi**
I called your home. Your family should be coming to get you soon.
**[06:40] Gintoki**
Huh? That wasn't necessary!
**[06:44] Tatsumi**
Sorry.
**[06:46] Tatsumi**
My mistake got you into this mess.
**[06:49] Gintoki**
Don't worry about it. I showed you something embarrassing, so let's call it even.
**[06:54] Tatsumi**
Damn you! Since we met, all you've talked about is your crotch!
**[06:56] Tatsumi**
Man, you are a weird guy.
**[06:59] Gintoki**
Hey, where're you going?
**[07:01] Tatsumi**
To catch the arsonist, of course.
**[07:03] Tatsumi**
I'm not the type to give up just because something like this happened.
**[07:05] Gintoki**
You don't give up.
**[07:07] Gintoki**
Don't blame me when you vanish like a soap bubble being blown around by the wind.
**[07:11] Tatsumi**
Shut up! Someday I'll be the greatest firefighter in Edo.
**[07:15] Tatsumi**
I won't let those clowns or an arsonist defeat me!
**[07:25] Kagura**
You good-for-nothing son!
**[07:27] Kagura**
Where did you learn to play with fire?! That's not how we brought you up!!
**[07:31] Shinpachi**
Come on, stop that, Kagura-chan! What're you doing? He'll die! You're killing him!
**[07:35] Kagura**
Hey! Men are soap bubbles!
**[07:39] ---**
I'm disgusted with you! You're just like your father, aren't you?!
**[07:43] ---**
Hey!
**[07:44] ---**
Hey!
**[07:44] Shinpachi**
Kagura-chan, where'd you come up with those lines?
**[07:47] Kagura**
"The city that never sleeps: Edo Hacchobori: 24 hours."
**[07:50] Kagura**
It's a quote from "Battle of the Pickpocket vs. The G-men."
**[07:52] Gintoki**
Spare me the quote! You learn nothing but the strangest things!
**[07:55] Gintoki**
You can forget about growing up into a decent adult!
**[07:57] Ken-Chan**
Yo-chan! Check out the weirdo!
**[08:00] Yo-Chan**
What're you doing messing around back here?
**[08:04] Tatsumi**
Be good little boys and go away for a while. I'm busy right now, you know...
**[08:10] Ken-Chan**
Sitting inside a trashcan? What are you, an idiot?!
**[08:13] Tatsumi**
Cut it out, you brats!
**[08:14] Yo-Chan**
You want to go back inside your mother's womb?! You want to soak in amniotic fluid again?!
**[08:19] Ken-Chan**
You can stay in there till ya rot! Idiot!
**[08:23] Yo-Chan**
Idiot!
**[08:24] Tatsumi**
I'll remember this! I swear I'll shave off all your hair! Idiots!
**[08:29] Tatsumi**
Dammit. Those brats....
**[08:33] Tatsumi (M)**
The arsonist's fires have all been set at trash pickup sites in Kabukicho.
**[08:39] Tatsumi (M)**
Instead of running about aimlessly,
**[08:40] Tatsumi (M)**
I'd have better luck catching the culprit by waiting patiently in one location.
**[08:44] Gintoki**
Don't blame me when you vanish like a soap bubble being blown around by the wind.
**[08:49] Tatsumi**
Damn... I'm not getting blown around... because I want to.
**[09:02] Voice A**
Poor kid... Lost both parents, I hear.
**[09:06] Voice B**
I wonder how she's going to make it at her age.
**[09:09] Voice A**
If you're so worried, why don't you take her in?
**[09:12] Voice B**
Don't be silly. We haven't got the money to afford that.
**[09:25] Chief**
Hey...
**[09:27] Chief**
You there, we went through the trouble to save your life.
**[09:31] Chief**
At least look happy, you dummy.
**[09:35] Chief**
If you can't do that, then at least lash out at me.
**[09:40] Chief**
Lash out and say, "It's your fault my mom and dad are dead!"
**[09:45] Tatsumi**
Bastard.
**[09:47] Tatsumi**
Why'd you have to save me?
**[09:50] Tatsumi**
You should've let me die with my parents.
**[09:57] Chief**
Fool!
**[09:59] Chief**
Don't you ever say that again.
**[10:02] Firefighter A**
What? You're going to take in that brat?
**[10:05] Firefighter A**
What're you thinking, Chief?!
**[10:07] Firefighter B**
You gonna take in every child who's orphaned by fire, now?!
**[10:10] Firefighter A**
There'll be no end to it!
**[10:12] Chief**
Shut up! Leave me alone, idiot!
**[10:15] ---**
Don't tell me that!
**[10:19] Chief**
Brat. From this day on, the ME team is your home.
**[10:24] Chief**
We firefighters are like a big family, so adding one little brat isn't a big deal.
**[10:31] Chief**
But remember, even if one brat disappears, there's someone here who'll be sad about it.
**[10:50] Tatsumi**
Dang! I fell asleep!
**[10:53] Gintoki**
All quiet on the western front.
**[10:56] Gintoki**
Yo... Sweet dreams, Sis?
**[10:58] Tatsumi**
You...Why?!
**[11:01] Tatsumi**
Ow ow ow ow...
**[11:02] Gintoki**
The arsonist has caused me trouble, too.
**[11:06] Gintoki**
I can't clear out my JUMP, you see.
**[11:10] Gintoki**
And besides...
**[11:13] Gintoki**
I wanted to see how high a soap bubble riding on the wind could fly.
**[11:18] Tatsumi**
You mean...
**[11:29] Gintoki**
No question about it. That's the arsonist...
**[11:31] Tatsumi**
What makes you say that?
**[11:33] Gintoki**
A guy who lives an honest life wouldn't be sneaking around like that.
**[11:37] Tatsumi**
You're sneaking around!
**[11:40] Gintoki**
It's not enough that he's sneaking around; he's got shifty eyes, too!
**[11:43] ---**
Scary! I'm scared!
**[11:44] Tatsumi**
Shut up!
**[11:45] Tatsumi**
Huh? Wait a minute...
**[11:48] Tatsumi**
I know that emblem...!
**[12:06] Gintoki**
Hey, isn't that the bald guy from your place?
**[12:09] Tatsumi**
Chief... What's he doing here?
**[12:13] Chief**
Enough of this "Nancy Drew" crap.
**[12:17] Chief**
Don't you ever do anything foolish like trying to catch the arsonist, idiot.
**[12:21] Tatsumi**
It can't be...!
**[12:23] Tatsumi (M)**
Chief wouldn't...!
**[12:26] Chief**
Maybe I shouldn't throw them away, after all. I do like this one a lot.
**[12:30] Gintoki**
Looks like he came to throw away his porno mags.
**[12:32] Chief**
Ack...! Tatsumi!
**[12:34] Chief**
What the hell are you doing here?!
**[12:36] Tatsumi**
What about you? You came all this way to throw away your filthy magazines?!
**[12:40] Chief**
You've got it all wrong! I came to throw away my JUMP!
**[12:44] Tatsumi**
Don't lie to me! That's a lame excuse!
**[12:46] Gintoki**
Tell me about it. I hope I don't turn out like this creepy old guy.
**[12:49] Tatsumi**
Hey! You're already on your way. You're already soaked hip-deep.
**[12:52] Gintoki**
I've got a lot of adolescent kids at home, so I can't bring these back with me.
**[12:56] Chief**
Idiot! Teenagers need this stuff more than anyone!
**[13:00] Tatsumi**
Society doesn't need people like you jerks!!
**[13:02] Chief**
More importantly, what are you doing here?
**[13:05] Chief**
Not poking your nose where it doesn't belong again...
**[13:07] Tatsumi**
I'm not gonna quit... No matter what some porno reading geezer tells me!
**[13:11] Chief**
Quit, dammit! Don't you realize nobody wants a little girl like you involved in this?
**[13:16] Tatsumi**
Stop calling me a little girl.
**[13:18] ---**
I grew up watching you firefighters. I can help.
**[13:22] Chief**
Whatever it was you grew up watching, I don't recall raising you to be a firefighter.
**[13:29] Chief**
Fire can turn even the most precious things into ashes in an instant.
**[13:33] Chief**
You know better than anyone...
**[13:34] Chief**
how frightening it is...
**[13:39] Chief**
Firefighters don't just battle the flames.
**[13:42] Chief**
The weight of all those burned up ashes pile up inside them.
**[13:46] Chief**
All the fellow firefighters who've died; the people they couldn't save.
**[14:01] Chief**
I'm filled with ashes.
**[14:06] Chief**
Do you think you can carry a load like that on your frail shoulders?!
**[14:12] Tatsumi**
You're not still upset about my father and mother dying, are you?
**[14:16] Chief**
It's like I killed your father and mother, myself. If you got killed because of me, I...
**[14:23] Tatsumi**
What're you talking about, baldy?!
**[14:24] ---**
Dad and Mom died because of the fire! It's not your fault!
**[14:27] ---**
And more importantly, you saved my life!
**[14:31] Tatsumi**
You raised me into what I am!
**[14:33] Tatsumi**
What's wrong with paying back my debt of gratitude?!
**[14:36] Tatsumi**
What's wrong with wanting to help?!
**[14:41] Chief**
I didn't raise you out of love or anything like that.
**[14:44] Chief**
I was paying back my debt. For my crime of leaving your parents to die!
**[14:56] Chief**
There's no reason to become a firefighter anymore, right?
**[14:59] Chief**
Now, go find yourself a boyfriend somewhere and live like a normal girl.
**[15:04] Arsonist**
You there...
**[15:07] Rrr**
Today is combustible trash day. Why are porno books being thrown out?
**[15:12] Gintoki**
It's obvious. Because after you read them, you get "hot."
**[15:15] Gintoki**
Huh?
**[15:20] Arsonist**
You have a good understanding...
**[15:22] ---**
They talk about segregating the trash...
**[15:24] ---**
But all trash burns once you set fire to it.
**[15:31] Arsonist**
Who needs stupid rules.
**[15:35] Arsonist**
We should just burn all trash.
**[15:39] Gintoki**
Hey wait, you!
**[15:41] Chief**
He must be the arsonist.
**[15:43] Tatsumi**
Out of my way!
**[15:48] Gintoki**
Stop!
**[15:52] Tatsumi**
Yikes! The fire is spreading!
**[15:54] Tatsumi**
Somebody! Fire!
**[15:55] Tatsumi**
Run! Fire!
**[15:58] Tatsumi**
Old man, can you hear me?! There's a fire!
**[16:01] Old Man**
Huh? Throw the castella cake hard against the wall? Okay, gotcha.
**[16:06] Tatsumi**
You don't understand at all! Are you wearing ear plugs?
**[16:10] Old Man**
That's right.
**[16:10] Old Man**
If I had to say which, I prefer a love where I do the chasing rather than being chased.
**[16:14] Old Man**
I want to chase! Say, that starred Yoko Minamino, didn't it?
***SIGN*** [Note: Refers to "Oikaketai no!" Fuji-TV show of the late 1980s.]
**[16:17] Tatsumi**
I don't know what you're talking about!
**[16:19] Tatsumi**
Your house is on fire! Can't you see the smoke?!
**[16:22] Tatsumi**
Hurry and run away, you stupid old fart!!
**[16:23] Old Man**
Who're you calling an old fart?! You wanna die?!
**[16:25] Tatsumi**
Why can you only hear the bad things?!
**[16:29] Tatsumi**
Oh no! It ignited the gas pipe.
**[16:31] ---**
This is getting me nowhere.
**[16:35] Chief**
Wait, Tatsumi!
**[16:37] Chief**
I'll drag the old guy out. You call the ME team!!
**[16:41] Tatsumi**
Shut up! You don't give me orders! Go spread your baldness elsewhere!
**[16:45] Chief**
No way! Even if I were bald, my hair wouldn't scatter!
**[16:48] Chief**
It's a very neat bald!
**[16:55] Chief**
This is dangerous. The fire's raging out of control!
**[16:58] Tatsumi**
What's wrong with this...?
**[17:02] Tatsumi**
Old man! What're you waiting for?! I said the place is on fire!
**[17:05] Old Man**
I'm not going to an old folks home!
**[17:07] ---**
I'm going to be a burden to you until the day I die! Serves you right!
**[17:11] Tatsumi**
What're you, high?!
**[17:12] Tatsumi**
Dammit! It's like preaching to a horse!
**[17:15] Old Man**
Who're you calling a deer?!
**[17:17] Tatsumi**
You're no deer! You're a fool!
***SIGN*** [Note: A play on "baka", the Japanese word for fool. The direct interpretation of the kanji for baka is someone who can't tell a horse from a deer.]
**[17:21] Chief**
You fool! You're still...?
**[17:37] Firefighter A**
Don't let the fire spread any further!
**[17:39] Firefighter B**
Quick! Bring the water!
**[17:41] Firefighter A**
Hurry!
**[17:42] Firefighter B**
Hey! Where'd the Chief go?
**[17:47] Tatsumi**
Damn! It won't budge! Why did you protect me? You should've left me!
**[17:53] Chief**
Never mind me. Grab the old man and evacuate. Tatsumi...
**[17:56] Tatsumi**
Don't give me that crap!
**[17:58] Chief**
Tatsumi, if you call yourself a firefighter, you know what your priority is, don't you?
**[18:04] Chief**
If you hesitate, you won't be able to save those who need to be saved.
**[18:08] Chief**
Firefighters are...
**[18:11] Chief**
You don't understand that!
**[18:13] Tatsumi**
Shut up! It's true that I tried becoming a firefighter because I lived with you.
**[18:18] Tatsumi**
I wanted to repay my debt of gratitude. But, that's not all...
**[18:36] Tatsumi (M)**
Just like how you rescued me that day...
**[18:40] Tatsumi (M)**
I want to rescue someone!
**[18:43] Tatsumi**
That's why regardless of what you say, I'll do whatever I want.
**[18:47] Chief**
You're a stupid...woman... I want you... I want you to live...
**[18:55] Chief**
That's right. As I told you, I took you in at first because I wanted to repay my debt.
**[19:01] Chief**
But somewhere along the way...
**[19:05] Chief**
It wasn't about making amends anymore. I just enjoyed watching you grow up.
**[19:10] Chief (M)**
After seeing people die before my eyes so many times,
**[19:13] Chief (M)**
I had become an unstable soap bubble.
**[19:15] ---**
I felt as though I would be blown away by the wind and burst at any moment.
**[19:22] Chief (M)**
But, because you were here, I managed to stay afloat instead of bursting.
**[19:28] ---**
Because you smiled, I was able to rush to the fires...
**[19:50] Chief**
Before you came along, I carried only ashes.
**[19:54] Chief**
But you taught me what it means to carry the responsibility of a family.
**[19:58] Chief**
I can't allow you to get burdened with our way of life! That's why...
**[20:02] Chief**
You have to get away, Tatsumi! I don't want to carry my daughter's ashes too!
**[20:09] Tatsumi**
You're such a stupid old man...
**[20:11] Chief**
What?
**[20:13] Tatsumi**
I don't want to carry my parent's ashes either! Stupid.
**[20:18] Tatsumi**
So wait here...
**[20:20] ---**
I'll be right back, Dad...
**[20:33] Chief (M)**
Life is like a soap bubble...
**[20:38] Chief (M)**
Riding on the wind, tossed back and forth...
**[20:41] ---**
Before you realize it, it's gone...
**[20:44] ---**
In the instant it's about to disappear, you think it could fly higher into the sky,
**[20:50] Chief (M)**
but by that time, it's always too late.
**[20:53] Chief (M)**
Forgive me, Tatsumi... But don't you think someone like me flew high enough?
**[20:59] Firefighter A**
Wait! Who're you?!
**[21:01] Firefighter B**
What're you doing? It's too dangerous! Too dangerous!
**[21:09] Gintoki**
Yo. Glad you're okay.
**[21:12] Gintoki**
You haven't burst yet, soap bubble.
**[21:15] Gintoki**
Well, at your age, you probably can't fly very far anyway, but...
**[21:20] Gintoki**
She can fly! If you keep blowing behind her...
**[21:25] Gintoki**
Actually, you know that better than anyone, don't you?
**[21:28] Gintoki**
You've watched her longer than anyone...
**[21:33] Gintoki**
The only thing I can do for you is...
**[21:53] Chief**
Who're you?
**[21:59] Gintoki (M)**
This is me, too...
**[22:03] Gintoki (M)**
A soap bubble that wants to fly higher than anyone.
**[22:09] Shinpachi**
Gin-san!
**[22:10] Shinpachi**
Clean this place up! It looks like we're living in a dumpster!
**[22:14] Gintoki**
Yeah, since I can't figure out how to separate the trash,
***SIGN*** [Note: This is a reference to the Japanese TV drama, "Injured Angel."]
**[22:18] Gintoki**
I've decided to live carelessly, like a fallen angel.
**[22:21] Shinpachi**
What part of you is a fallen angel?!
**[22:24] Shinpachi**
Look at this stack of newspapers!
**[22:26] Shinpachi**
Good grief!
**[22:27] Gintoki**
Hey, don't touch my stuff. Leave it there.
**[22:30] Shinpachi**
Are you hiding porno or something?
**[22:32] Kagura**
Shinpachi, leave him alone. Gin-chan's going through an awkward stage.
**[22:36] Kagura**
Men are like soap bubbles.
***SIGN*** ["The Town Beauty Fireman!
Tatsumi of ME Team."]
**[22:38] Gintoki**
I don't want to hear that from you!
***SIGN***
***SIGN*** Mother? Of whom?
**[24:19] ---**
Why're you acting like our mother?
**[24:21] ---**
You're bothering me with your "Chew your food 20 times before swallowing"!
***SIGN*** The next episode... "Mothers Everywhere Are All the Same."
***SIGN*** [A mother suddenly shows up at the Odd Jobs. She's searching for her lost son.]
***SIGN*** [She hires them and the investigation begins! It's been a long time since they've done any real work.]