# E256.5 - Gintama Classic - Definitely Do Not Let Your Girlfriend See The Things You Use For Cross-dressing / There's Almost a 100% Chance You’ll Forget Your Umbrella and Hate Yourself For It
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6X043XNY/gintama-classic---definitely-do-not-let-your-girlfriend-see-the-things-you-use-for-cross-dressing--theres-almost-a-100-chance-youll-forget-your-umbrella-and-hate-yourself-for-it)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Sora**
-
***SIGN*** -
**[01:32] SHINPACHI**
We're doing this to earn back payments
on our rent, Gin-san.
**[01:36] GINTOKI**
It's not Gin-san. I'm Pako right now.
**[01:38] GINTOKI**
Today, I forget all about the pride of being a man
and the thing that hangs between my legs.
**[01:41] SAIGO**
Hey, you two aren't smiling. Smile!
**[01:45] BANEKO**
That's right. Right now you guys are...
**[01:47] WAKAME**
...splendid butterflies
dancing in the night.
**[01:49] AGOMI**
This special dancing team...
**[01:51] SAIGO**
You're a member of Kamaxile!
***SIGN*** [A parody of Exile, a 14-member Japanese pop music band. And "Kama," short for "okama" (drag queen).]
**[01:54] DRUNK**
Hey! Dance better!
**[01:56] GINTOKI**
You shut up! I'll kill you, Baldy!
**[01:58] BANEKO**
Hey, you, he's our customer!
***SIGN*** ["Definitely Do Not Let Your Girlfriend See The Things You Use For Cross-dressing"]
***SIGN*** [GIRLY BOY CLUB]
***SIGN*** [PAYMENT]
**[02:08] SIAGO**
Here's the payment for
both Pako and Pachie.
**[02:12] SHINPACHI**
Thank you very much.
**[02:14] SAIGO**
You were a mess, but thank you for helping
us out when we were short on staff.
**[02:18] BANEKO**
You can officially join KAMAXILE and
be a real member if you'd like.
**[02:23] GINTOKI**
Shut up. Who would wanna
join your toad-ugly group?!
**[02:27] BANEKO**
Hey, that's so rude of you!
Who's an ugly toad?
**[02:29] BANEKO**
We know we're beautiful, so
stop being jealous, already!
**[02:32] WAKAME**
That's right! He's jealous
of us! He's envious!
**[02:34] GINTOKI**
Hey, you guys, it's too late to think positively
after you look in the mirror.
**[02:38] BANEKO/WAKAME**
What?!
**[02:41] AGOMI**
Good work today.
**[02:42] SHINPACHI**
Ah, Agomi-san.
**[02:44] AGOMI**
It's not Agomi. My name is Azumi.
**[02:49] SHINPACHI**
For some reason, she seems depressed.
**[02:50] WAKAME**
She's been like that lately.
**[02:52] BANEKO**
She's all right at work, but right after
she finishes, she gets like that.
**[02:56] GINTOKI**
Ah, I guess all her energy
goes right to her chin.
**[02:59] WAKAME/BANEKO**
Maybe so.
**[03:04] WAKAME**
Get home safe.
**[03:06] SHINPACHI**
Have a nice night.
**[03:08] GINTOKI**
There's no scarier place than that.
**[03:11] KAGURA**
That's true. It's like "Scary
Face Safari Park."
**[03:14] AGOMI**
Hey, wait!
**[03:16] SHINPACHI**
Agomi-san.
**[03:17] AGOMI**
My name is Azumi.
**[03:19] AGOMI**
I have something to ask you, Odd Jobs.
***SIGN*** [RAMEN DAIGAKUIN]
**[03:25] AGOMI**
...It was two weeks ago...
**[03:27] AGOMI**
As usual, I stopped by my favorite
ramen shop after work.
**[03:32] WAITER**
Here's your boiling stone
bowl ramen special!
**[03:36] AGOMI**
Wow! It looks so yummy!
**[03:38] AGOMI**
Let's eat!
**[03:44] AGOMI**
It's hot!!
**[03:46] AGOMI**
Owwww!
**[03:54] JUROTA**
Are you...all right?
**[03:57] ---**
At that moment, I realized it.
**[04:02] AGOMI**
That's right.
**[04:04] ---**
It was love at first sight!
**[04:10] AGOMI**
Hey! Are you listening to me?!
**[04:12] GINTOKI**
I guess I'm lacking sleep.
I feel dizzy, Shinpachi-kun.
**[04:16] SHINPACHI**
Don't worry. I'm really
dizzy, too, Gin-san.
**[04:20] KAGURA**
I feel like I'm pregnant. I feel like
throwing up so bad, Gin-chan.
**[04:24] GINTOKI**
Don't worry. I'm about to
throw up, too, Kagura.
**[04:28] AGOMI**
His name is Jurota.
**[04:30] AGOMI**
He's a rookie host at Takamagahara,
a well-known club in Kabukicho.
**[04:35] SHINPACHI**
Takamagahara... That's
Kyoshiro-san's...
**[04:38] AGOMI**
I'm just another hostess...
And he's a host...
**[04:41] AGOMI**
That's right. An innocent young girl
like me is destined to play around.
**[04:47] GINTOKI**
I think I'm suffering from
auditory hallucinations.
**[04:49] GINTOKI**
It sounded like he described himself as
an innocent young girl, Shinpachi-kun.
**[04:52] SHINPACHI**
Don't worry, he really did say
"innocent girl," Gin-san.
**[04:57] GINTOKI**
Are you all right, Kagura?
**[04:59] SHINPACHI**
Kagura-chan.
**[05:00] AGOMI**
I've never suffered so much over
a passionate love affair before.
**[05:04] AGOMI**
So I need your help!
**[05:06] AGOMI**
I'm really suffering. It
almost makes me want to die.
**[05:09] GINTOKI**
All right, here we go!
**[05:11] AGOMI**
Hey! Why are you going to kill me?!
**[05:14] GINTOKI**
Well, you said you wanted to die, so I
was going to help you on your journey.
**[05:18] GINTOKI**
I was going to be the
travel agent for hell.
**[05:21] AGOMI**
That's not what I meant!
**[05:22] ---**
I want you to help lead me to love!
**[05:25] ---**
I want you to put me on an
international flight of love!
**[05:28] GINTOKI**
That kind of international
flight is impossible!
**[05:30] ---**
Even if you had a spaceship that
can travel at warp speed,
***SIGN*** [Note: Parody of Space Battleship Yamato.]
**[05:32] ---**
an old man's love would
never reach that host!
**[05:35] AGOMI**
Who's the old man in love?!
**[05:36] THREE**
It's you!
**[05:40] AGOMI**
If I don't do something, I'll go crazy.
**[05:43] AGOMI**
I feel like I'm going to turn
into a love monster!
**[05:46] SHINPACHI**
Well, you already are
a monster, I guess.
**[05:50] AGOMI**
If you can't help me out,
comfort me at least!
**[05:53] GINTOKI**
No way! No, no!
**[05:54] GINTOKI**
Healing the loneliness of
an innocent old man
**[05:56] GINTOKI**
isn't on the list of the
Odd Job's job duties!
**[05:58] AGOMI**
Then what do you think I should do?!
**[06:01] SHINPACHI**
Gin-san...
**[06:04] GINTOKI**
I guess we have no choice.
***SIGN*** [Three days later...]
**[06:06] GINTOKI**
We can try asking Kyoshiro.
**[06:10] AGOMI**
Welcome to the host
club, Takamagahara.
**[06:15] AGOMI**
That's right. I started working
as a new host
**[06:18] AGOMI**
in a black suit under the
name Agonosuke.
**[06:20] AGOMI**
I locked away my true self deep
in the bottom of my heart.
**[06:23] AGOMI**
Of course, it was a painful choice.
**[06:26] AGOMI**
I know... It doesn't mean the distance between
our hearts is getting any closer.
**[06:31] GINTOKI**
Hey, you look like you're down! A-go-mi!
**[06:33] AGOMI**
Huh? Is that so?
**[06:35] GINTOKI**
You idiot!
**[06:39] GINTOKI**
Really... You showed your true colors
so quickly after I called you by name.
**[06:42] KAGURA**
Are you even trying, you bastard?!
**[06:45] GINTOKI**
Hey, listen up.
**[06:46] GINTOKI**
We're gonna act like angry customers
and pick a fight with Jurota.
**[06:50] GINTOKI**
You protect him from us.
**[06:53] GINTOKI**
Then the distance between
your hearts will shrink.
**[06:57] AGOMI**
Pako...
**[06:59] AGOMI**
I...If I wasn't falling in love with him,
I would fall in love with you guys.
**[07:03] THREE**
Please don't!
**[07:07] JUROTA**
Hello, I'm Jurota, the person you
requested. It's nice to meet you.
**[07:11] GINTOKI**
Wow! You're so cute!
**[07:14] SHINPACHI**
So true! I'm going to fall for you!
**[07:16] KAGURA**
Hey, give us more services!
**[07:19] JUROTA**
Hey, wait...miss!
**[07:21] GINTOKI**
We do get more, right?!
**[07:23] SHINPACHI (M)**
Agomi-san, now is the time!
**[07:24] GINTOKI (M)**
You're using us as steppingstones to build
up a trusting relationship with him!
**[07:29] AGOMI**
That smooth skin... I want to eat it...
**[07:34] GINTOKI**
You messed up!
**[07:36] SHINPACHI (M)**
We have no choice, Gin-san!
**[07:38] ---**
Let's go to plan B!
**[07:41] SHINPACHI**
Well now, let's lighten the mood
a bit. Chug that!
**[07:44] JUROTA**
Well, but this is too...
**[07:46] KAGURA**
Show us how cool you are!
**[07:49] GINTOKI (M)**
That's right. The customer who
forces a host to drink is...
**[07:52] GINTOKI (M)**
...a real troublemaker!
**[07:53] ---**
Agomi, this is your chance!!
**[07:57] AGOMI**
Excuse me, Jurota-san...
**[07:59] AGOMI**
...let me have that drink.
**[08:03] JUROTA**
Agonosuke-san...
**[08:06] AGOMI (M)**
Here we go...Azumi...
**[08:13] AGOMI (M)**
I can do this!
**[08:15] AGOMI (M)**
Men have courage!
**[08:16] AGOMI (M)**
Women are lovable! But cross-dressers
are the most passionate!
**[08:27] JUROTA**
Agonosuke-san!
**[08:29] JUROTA**
A-Are you all right?!
**[08:32] JUROTA**
I'm so relieved...
**[08:34] ---**
You saved me, Agonosuke-san.
**[08:42] HOST**
Thanks for coming.
**[08:44] SHINPACHI**
Well, all kinds of things were happening,
but it was good for Agomi-san.
**[08:47] GINTOKI**
Sort of.
**[08:49] SAIGO**
Wait.
**[08:52] SHINPACHI**
Saigo-san.
**[08:56] HOST**
Hey, Agonosuke, when you're free,
**[08:58] HOST**
can you clean up the locker
room for your fellow hosts?
**[09:00] AGOMI**
Certainly.
***SIGN*** [HOST LOCKER ROOM]
**[09:05] SAIGO**
What are you guys doing with him?
**[09:08] GINTOKI**
Nothing really.
**[09:12] GINTOKI**
It's what Agomi wanted. So we're
just giving him a supportive push.
**[09:16] SAIGO**
But you do know, right?
**[09:19] SAIGO**
In the end, Agomi's love won't
ever be reciprocated.
**[09:22] SAIGO**
Besides, he's an ordinary host,
especially around them.
**[09:24] SAIGO**
If you do something unnecessary, and
it hurts him, what are you going to do?
**[09:29] SAIGO**
Don't tell me you think things
will work out between them.
**[09:35] GINTOKI**
No need to worry.
**[09:37] GINTOKI**
It's like Agomi is more a young girl
in love than a real girl right now.
**[09:41] GINTOKI**
Just looking at a man from a
distance gives him a fantasy.
**[09:45] GINTOKI**
But men in the real world
are always nasty.
**[09:48] GINTOKI**
And not only in the way
they treat woman...
**[09:50] GINTOKI**
...but also in their lifestyle, the
way they smell, everything.
**[09:53] GINTOKI**
If Agomi finds out about their real lives,
his fantasies will be crushed.
**[09:59] GINTOKI**
Then she'll...
**[10:01] GINTOKI**
...realize that she has to move
on for the sake of tomorrow.
**[10:04] SHINPACHI**
Gin-san...
**[10:08] AGOMI**
No!
**[10:10] AGOMI**
This is...
**[10:11] AGOMI**
This is...
**[10:12] AGOMI**
...Jurota-kun's...
**[10:14] ---**
...smell!
**[10:17] AGOMI**
Is this Jurota-kun's locker?
**[10:18] ---**
Oh, yes! Oh, sweet!
**[10:21] ---**
What's this? Nice smell! Oh, no! I'm
going up! I'm rising to heaven!
**[10:32] JUROTA**
It's not like that!
**[10:33] JUROTA**
Well, see you later!
**[10:36] JUROTA**
Wow! Great!
**[10:39] JUROTA**
Agonosuke-san must be working
really hard to clean up!
**[10:50] JUROTA**
A-Agonosuke-san...
**[10:52] AGOMI**
That's right... You found out...
**[10:55] AGOMI**
And so I might as well...
**[11:05] SHINPACHI**
It looks like Agomi-san quit the
club after disgracing himself.
**[11:09] KAGURA**
It ended up being his hopeless love.
**[11:12] GINTOKI**
Serious feelings sometimes have
a cruel ending, you know.
**[11:17] ---**
But Agomi will move on for the
sake of a new tomorrow.
**[11:20] JUROTA**
Thanks for waiting!
**[11:22] AGOMI**
Oh, no! I didn't wait at all.
**[11:26] AGOMI**
Well, let's go!
**[11:27] JUROTA**
Yeah, Azumi-san.
**[11:29] SHINPACHI**
Gin-san...What's...that?
**[11:32] GINTOKI**
Well, you know... He moved on for
the sake of a new tomorrow...
**[11:36] GINTOKI**
...with Jurota-kun.
**[11:37] KAGURA/SHINPACHI**
What the...?!
**[11:46] GINTOKI**
It's raining today, too...
**[11:49] GINTOKI**
When rainy days come so often,
it makes my heart gloomy as well.
**[11:54] KAGURA**
Rainy day, rainy day, more rainy days...
It makes my brain moldy, too.
**[12:00] GINTOKI**
It was already like that.
**[12:02] GINTOKI**
How many days have
we not seen the sun?
**[12:05] ---**
It looks like mushrooms are
growing on my crotch.
**[12:07] KAGURA**
It was already like that.
**[12:10] GINTOKI**
There are no clients. I don't feel
like going out in the rain.
**[12:14] GINTOKI**
There's no money.
**[12:15] GINTOKI**
Sadaharu stinks and my feet stink,
too, and so does Shinpachi.
**[12:19] SHINPACHI**
What do you mean, "so does Shinpachi"?
Don't compare me to your feet.
**[12:23] SHINPACHI**
Why are you two being
so negative? Cheer up!
**[12:27] SHINPACHI**
The rainy season will be over soon.
**[12:29] SHINPACHI**
Then you can get as much
sunlight as you want.
**[12:33] GINTOKI**
...That's why I hate the rainy season.
**[12:36] GINTOKI**
I'm kind of dubious about the
name "Tsuyu," anyway.
***SIGN*** [Note: Tsuyu means rainy season.]
**[12:39] GINTOKI**
Just hearing to it makes me feel down.
**[12:41] GINTOKI**
Just listening to it makes me feel down.
**[12:44] SHINPACHI**
It can't be helped because
it's the rainy season.
**[12:47] GINTOKI**
Why don't we call it
by a different name?
**[12:49] GINTOKI**
Something with a more exhilarating tone.
**[12:51] GINTOKI**
How about "Happy Birthday To You?"
***SIGN*** [Note: Japanese pronounce "to you" like tsu-yu. Tsuyu = rainy season.]
**[12:55] SHINPACHI**
...Isn't that a little long?
**[12:56] KAGURA**
It's too difficult to say.
I prefer "Girl's Day."
***SIGN*** [Note: Kagura refers to the day of a girl's menstrual period.]
**[12:59] SHINPACHI**
No, that sounds like a different day.
**[13:01] SHINPACHI**
That's even more difficult to say.
**[13:02] SHINPACHI**
And it's not even an appropriate word
for a show in this timeslot.
**[13:04] GINTOKI**
Then let's adopt the middle viewpoint
and call it "Independence Day."
**[13:08] SHINPACHI**
Why is that the middle?
**[13:11] GINTOKI**
From now on, call "Tsuyu"
"Independence Day."
**[13:16] SHINPACHI**
Anyway...well... "Independence Day"
will be over soon, so let's cheer up!
**[13:24] GINTOKI**
Man, I really hate "Tsuyu"!
**[13:26] KAGURA**
I don't feel like doing anything.
**[13:28] SHINPACHI**
...Huh? Aren't you going to
use "Independence Day"?
**[13:31] SHINPACHI**
I felt a bit embarrassed saying that.
**[13:33] GINTOKI**
Huh? Shinpachi-kun, did you just say
"Indepen...something"? What's that?
**[13:38] SHINPACHI**
No-No, I didn't... I didn't
say that! What's that?!
**[13:41] GINTOKI**
Yeah, you just said it.
"Indepen...something."
**[13:44] GINTOKI**
Isn't it popular right now?
Is it something cool?
**[13:46] SHINPACHI**
I didn't say that! I don't
even know what it is!
**[13:48] KAGURA**
You guys are too noisy!
**[13:51] KAGURA**
Stop annoying me and just shut up!
**[13:52] SHINPACHI**
Who do think is the most
annoying person?
**[13:55] SHINPACHI**
You guys are just taking
your stress out on me!
**[13:57] GINTOKI**
Not really. I don't take
my stress out on you.
**[13:59] GINTOKI**
I'm not annoying at all, either.
**[14:01] KAGURA**
Don't talk! I'm so annoyed
listening to you guys talk!
**[14:04] GINTOKI**
You're the one who shouldn't
be talking! What's that?
**[14:06] GINTOKI**
Those mini gongs on your head! There's
something ugly on your head!
**[14:08] KAGURA**
Oh? Why do you wear only
one sleeve of that robe?!
**[14:10] KAGURA**
Why don't you wear it properly?!
**[14:12] SHINPACHI**
Good grief! I give up! I don't care
about you guys anymore!
**[14:15] GINTOKI**
Shut up!
**[14:15] KAGURA**
Shut up, Four-eyes!
**[14:16] ---**
Who you calling Four-eyes?!
***SIGN*** ["There's Almost a 100% Chance You'll Forget Your Umbrella and Hate Yourself For It"]
**[14:28] GINTOKI**
Why do I have to go out with you
guys on such a rainy day?
**[14:32] SHINPACHI**
When we stay in the house and
brood, we get depressed.
**[14:37] SHINPACHI**
We should go out at such times.
**[14:39] ---**
And this isn't so bad, you know.
**[14:42] SHINPACHI**
An Edokko should enjoy each
season's highlights.
***SIGN*** [Note: Edokko is a Japanese term referring to a person born and raised in Edo/Tokyo.]
**[14:46] SHINPACHI**
For example, look! Here come some
girls walking with umbrellas.
**[14:49] SHINPACHI**
Aren't they pure and beautiful?
**[15:15] GINTOKI**
We see girls with umbrellas
all throughout the year.
**[15:19] GINTOKI**
And girls with wet see-through
T-shirts are more...
**[15:24] GINTOKI**
Hey, what are you doing?
**[15:26] SHINPACHI**
Kagura-chan, you'll catch a cold.
**[15:30] KAGURA**
...It's broken.
**[15:32] GINTOKI**
Huh?
**[15:33] KAGURA**
My umbrella is broken.
**[15:37] ---**
Just leave me alone.
**[15:38] KAGURA**
Women sometimes want
to walk in the rain.
**[15:42] GINTOKI**
Hey. Your head is what's broken!
**[15:44] SHINPACHI**
What's with her?
**[15:46] GINTOKI**
Just leave her alone.
**[15:47] GINTOKI**
Brats like rain, storms, typhoons
and all that kind of stuff.
**[15:57] SHINPACHI**
By the way, we ran out
of laundry detergent.
***SIGN*** [OEDO STORE]
**[16:15] KAGURA**
Gin-chan, did you buy
my pickled seaweed?
**[16:18] GINTOKI**
Buy it yourself, brat.
**[16:21] GINTOKI**
Here.
**[16:25] KAGURA**
I-I don't want it.
That umbrella is too flashy.
**[16:29] GINTOKI**
Who said it was for you?
**[16:32] GINTOKI**
This is for me. Just use that dirty one.
**[16:36] SHINPACHI**
Wow, nice umbrella, Gin-san.
It looks cool and chic.
**[16:41] GINTOKI**
This is nice, isn't it?
Even though it only costs 100 yen.
**[16:45] KAGURA**
Hey, wait! That's weird. It's weird if a
man uses it! I can take it if you like.
**[16:52] GINTOKI**
That's all right. It's all right
if women walk in the rain.
**[18:24] GINTOKI**
It's raining again today...
**[18:26] SHINPACHI**
Whenever it rains,
Kagura-chan goes out.
**[18:30] SHINPACHI**
She really is a girl at heart.
**[18:32] GINTOKI**
Humph. Brats like rain, storms, typhoons,
and all that kind of stuff.
**[18:36] SHINPACHI**
That reminds me, the rain is supposed
to get worse today.
**[18:40] SHINPACHI**
I wonder if she'll be all right.
**[19:05] GINTOKI**
It's raining again today...
**[19:07] SHINPACHI**
Kagura-chan is out today again?
After all, she's a girl.
**[19:12] GINTOKI**
Brats like rain, storms, typhoons
and all that kind of stuff.
**[19:16] SHINPACHI**
By the way, the 7th typhoon is going to
hit Edo. I wonder if she'll be all right.
**[19:47] SHINPACHI**
Kagura-chan.
**[19:49] KAGURA**
...What?
**[19:51] SHINPACHI**
The weather was really rough,
so we were worried about you.
**[19:54] SHINPACHI**
You're all drenched. Are you all right?
**[20:00] SHINPACHI**
Kagura-chan, make sure you completely
dry off with a towel, okay?
**[20:04] KAGURA**
All right.
**[21:46] GINTOKI**
Hey, young lady. Young lady!
**[21:49] GINTOKI**
You have such a cool umbrella.
**[21:52] GINTOKI**
Would you mind letting us under it?
Because ours broke.
**[22:00] GINTOKI**
Boy, "Independence Day" makes me feel
really gloomy. That's why I hate it.
**[22:07] KAGURA**
No, I think "Independence
Day" isn't all that bad.
**[22:11] ---**
**[23:52] Sora**
It takes too much effort
to use a dip pen.
**[23:55] Sora**
Takes too much effort
to draw backgrounds.
***SIGN*** Voice / Sorachi Hideki
**[23:57] Sora**
Takes too much effort to
draw manga in general.
**[23:59] Sora**
Hell, it takes too much effort to live.
**[24:03] Sora**
I want to be a cheese steamed bun!