# E39 - Ramen Shops with Long Menus Never Do Well
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYNQ1X7JY/ramen-shops-with-long-menus-never-do-well)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:01] Katsura**
Keep the room well-lit and watch from a distance, okay?
***SIGN*** [Shinsengumi: the armed police of Edo. Today, they crack down on lanternless bicycles]
***SIGN*** [Wanted: Kotaro Katsura. Today, he is not a fruit punch samurai.]
***SIGN*** ["Ramen Shops with Long Menus Never Do Well"]
**[01:54] Okita**
Just a minute.
**[01:56] ---**
Okay, stop.
**[01:59] Member C**
You're in violation, mister.
**[02:01] Member C**
You're supposed to have a lantern when riding at night.
**[02:04] ---**
Let me see now...
**[02:06] Member C**
Is this bicycle registered for theft prevention?
**[02:08] Katsura**
I'm not sure. I got this from a friend.
**[02:12] Okita**
I see. Are you on your way home from shopping?
**[02:15] ---**
Got any girlie mags? Porno mags?
**[02:17] Katsura**
Uh, can I go now? I'm kinda busy.
**[02:20] Member C**
We've had lot of panty burglaries around here recently.
**[02:23] ---**
You know?
**[02:24] ---**
The masked phantom loincloth burglar broke out of prison again.
**[02:28] Katsura**
I prefer boxers.
**[02:30] ---**
Bye.
**[02:31] Okita**
Hang on, buddy, do you have any ID?
**[02:35] Okita**
Hey, mister!
**[02:39] Member C**
Commander Okita. That long hair!
**[02:42] Okita**
Found you at last!
**[02:43] Okita**
Katsura!
**[02:52] Okita**
Farewell, Katsura.
**[03:02] Katsura**
Farewell.
**[03:10] Member A**
It's Katsura, of the Anti-foreigner faction.
**[03:12] ---**
He's somewhere nearby!
**[03:13] Member B**
Find him! We have to catch him!
**[03:19] Okita**
I'm not letting you get away, Katsura.
**[03:23] Okita**
That's...
**[03:27] Member A**
Katsura, come out peacefully.
**[03:29] Member B**
We're not letting you get away.
**[03:30] ---**
Give it up!
**[03:31] Member A**
He's injured. He couldn't have gone far!
**[03:39] Member A**
Hey, doesn't look like he's here. Try the other side.
**[03:52] Member B**
He's got to be around here! Find him!
**[03:55] Katsura**
This isn't looking good.
**[03:57] Katsura**
They have me surrounded.
**[04:00] Katsura**
Looks like the end of the line for me.
**[04:15] Katsura (Falsetto Voice)**
Good evening. I'm Santa Claus.
**[04:22] Ikumatsu**
Good grief.
**[04:23] Ikumatsu**
You were asking for it.
**[04:25] Ikumatsu**
It's your fault for being there when a panty burglar is on the lose.
**[04:32] ---**
That bowl makes us even.
**[04:34] ---**
I run a ramen shop, so it's the best I can do.
**[04:42] Ikumatsu**
I'm the owner here. The name's Ikumatsu.
**[04:44] Katsura**
I'm Katsura. My favorite food is soba.
***SIGN*** [Note: Ramen is egg noodles made with wheat. Soba is made with buckwheat and fillers]
**[04:48] Ikumatsu**
Meaning what? I should give you soba instead?
**[04:53] Ikumatsu**
I see... Just what were you doing on the roof, anyway?
**[04:57] Katsura**
Oh you know. I took a wrong turn.
**[05:01] Ikumatsu**
Oh, so you were walking on the roof because you were lost?
**[05:05] ---**
Were you headed to the moon or something?
**[05:07] Katsura**
No, no. That's not it at all. I made a wrong turn...in life.
**[05:12] Ikumatsu**
You are the panty burglar, aren't you?!
**[05:14] Katsura**
Everyone has a skeleton or two in their closet they don't want to talk about.
**[05:17] ---**
But let me say this: I'm not a thief.
**[05:22] Ikumatsu**
Look in the mirror. You'll see suspicious long hair.
**[05:34] Ikumatsu**
Are you...
**[05:35] Katsura**
No. I'm just, you know, checking the weather. Seriously...
**[05:43] Katsura**
Tsk, what awful weather.
**[05:46] Katsura**
Ikumatsu-dono, may I stay here until the rain blows over?
**[05:50] Ikumatsu**
Rain? I don't hear any rain.
**[05:55] Katsura**
I'll tell you the truth...
**[05:59] Katsura**
I'm a ramen hunter. I travel Japan seeking the Way of Ramen.
**[06:03] ---**
Your ramen is exquisite. Let me study under you.
**[06:07] Ikumatsu**
Didn't you say you liked soba earlier?
**[06:09] Katsura**
Ramen and soba are similar. They're both long.
**[06:13] Ikumatsu**
You have no right to talk about ramen!
**[06:17] Ikumatsu**
Anyway, there's nothing to gain from working here.
**[06:22] Ikumatsu**
The only kind of customers I get are...
**[06:25] Brother-In-Law**
Ikumatsu-chan! Lookin' good!
**[06:31] Brother-In-Law**
Don't be cold, baby! Your dear younger brother just dropped by...for a little visit.
**[06:37] Ikumatsu**
Younger brother? That's a joke. After Daigo died, you and I are not related anymore.
**[06:43] Brother-In-Law**
Don't be so cold.
**[06:46] Brother-In-Law**
And here I came all the way to see how my big bro's widow is doing.
**[06:52] Brother-In-Law**
This was originally my brother's shop, you know.
**[06:55] ---**
When he died, I was supposed to get it.
**[06:58] Brother-In-Law**
But you said you wanted it so bad...
**[07:01] ---**
I should get a little paycheck for my generosity, huh?
**[07:04] Ikumatsu**
Money again?! I don't have any more to give you!
**[07:07] Katsura**
Welcome! May I take your order?
**[07:10] Brother-In-Law**
Hey! What do you think you're pulling?
**[07:12] Brother-In-Law**
What restaurant did you come from?!
**[07:14] Brother-In-Law**
You got no money, but hired a waiter?
**[07:17] Katsura**
I'm not a waiter, I'm Katsura.
**[07:19] ---**
Haven't decided? Then you'll all be having fried rice.
**[07:22] Underling A**
No, we didn't say anything about fried rice.
**[07:24] Underling B**
We didn't come here for a meal.
**[07:27] ---**
Beat it! Beat it!
**[07:29] Katsura**
May I recommend our house special? Our B Course?
**[07:32] Brother-In-Law**
B Course, Off Course, it doesn't matter. Just be quiet.
***SIGN*** [Note: Off Course is the name of a Japanese singing group.]
**[07:36] ---**
I have something important to discuss with Ikumatsu!
**[07:39] Katsura**
All right then, Ikumatsu-dono. Three fried rice please.
**[07:42] Brother-In-Law/Underling A/Underling B**
What's with the fried rice?!
**[07:46] Katsura**
The fried rice is the appetizer.
**[07:48] ---**
Our B Course comes with an entrée and dessert.
**[07:51] Underlings A And B**
That's a big appetizer!
**[07:53] Brother-In-Law**
Just shut up! Ignore him.
**[07:56] ---**
Ikumatsu, hurry and hand over the money, baby. Give it up.
**[08:02] Ikumatsu**
The last time I gave you money, I told you that was it.
**[08:05] ---**
And besides, I heard you guys...
**[08:07] Ikumatsu**
you claim to be rebels... But you broke into Mr. Akezato's safe, didn't you?
**[08:14] Brother-In-Law**
It costs money to run a rebellion, bitch!
**[08:18] ---**
Give it to us and we won't have to steal!
**[08:24] Ikumatsu**
You're no rebels!
**[08:26] Ikumatsu**
You're just a bunch of losers trying to make yourselves look good!!
**[08:29] ---**
Even the Shinsengumi gathering outside...
**[08:31] Ikumatsu**
Aren't even bothering with little chumps like you!
**[08:43] Ikumatsu**
Scum like you make me sick!
**[08:47] ---**
If it wasn't for trash like you, Daigo might still be...
**[08:50] Brother-In-Law**
What, bitch?!
**[08:51] Katsura**
Your main entrée, sir.
**[08:53] Brother-In-Law**
Shut up! Beat it!
**[08:54] Brother-In-Law**
Fried rice again?! The entrée is fried rice?!
**[08:57] Katsura**
Shrimp fried rice. For dessert, we have cold fried rice.
**[09:01] Brother-In-Law**
It's nothing but fried rice!
**[09:03] Brother-In-Law**
What is this obsession you have with fried rice?!
**[09:05] Brother-In-Law**
What are you some kind of fried rice fetishist?
**[09:11] Brother-In-Law**
What the?! All of a sudden, my stomach!
**[09:13] Underling A**
Mine, too.
**[09:14] Underling B**
Dang, this beyond wanting to shit, this is... I gotta get to...
**[09:18] Brother-In-Law**
The...john.
**[09:19] Katsura**
Occupied.
**[09:20] Brother-In-Law**
Damn you!
**[09:25] Underling A**
My stomach... I can't hold it...
**[09:27] Brother-In-Law**
You put something in the fried rice, didn't you?!
**[09:29] ---**
Dammit! We won't forget this!
**[09:32] Underling A**
Oh no! It's coming....
***SIGN*** [Have you seen someone like this?]
**[09:46] Passerby (Male)**
No one looks like that.
**[09:55] Ikumatsu**
That was well done, you...
**[09:57] Katsura**
What're you talking about?
**[09:58] ---**
All I did was provide service, as a waiter should.
**[10:02] Ikumatsu**
Weren't you seeking the Way of Ramen?
**[10:08] Katsura**
Well... Let's say I'm a waiter seeking the Way of Ramen...and leave it at that.
**[10:13] Ikumatsu**
You're an odd fellow. Sticking your nose into a troublesome situation.
**[10:23] Ikumatsu**
Well, never mind.
**[10:26] Ikumatsu**
Whether it's until the rain stops, or until you master the Way of Ramen,
**[10:30] Ikumatsu**
or until your injuries heal...
**[10:34] Ikumatsu**
I'll let you stay here.
**[10:38] Katsura**
Ikumatsu-dono.
**[10:39] Ikumatsu**
But...
**[10:41] ---**
I'm going to work you hard.
**[10:50] Ikumatsu**
What're you just standing there for?
**[10:52] ---**
Weren't you going to study hard and steal my flavor?
**[10:55] Katsura**
No, I think there are many things in this world people are glad they never see.
**[10:59] ---**
Like behind the scenes of the male host business,
**[11:01] Katsura**
or a boyfriend's cell phone messages...
**[11:05] Ikumatsu**
What is it you're trying to say?
**[11:07] Katsura**
N-No, nothing really...
**[11:11] Ikumatsu**
All right, listen. Speed is the lifeblood of ramen.
**[11:17] ---**
Here ya go.
**[11:24] Ikumatsu**
Say, you're pretty good.
**[11:37] Ikumatsu**
Say, could you...
**[11:38] Ikumatsu**
do a delivery for me?
**[11:42] Katsura**
Ow ow ow ow.
**[11:45] Katsura**
It's raining hard.
**[11:47] Ikumatsu**
It's not raining.
**[11:48] Ikumatsu**
What are you, anyway?
**[11:49] Ikumatsu**
Are you like a kid who doesn't want to go to the dentist?
**[12:03] ---**
Ow...
**[12:28] Katsura (M)**
She trusts me too much.
**[12:36] Hijikata**
Have you found him yet?
**[12:38] Okita**
Please relax. We have everything under control.
**[12:42] ---**
The Katsura dragnet is closing in on him.
**[12:45] ---**
It's only a matter of time before he gives himself away.
**[12:47] Hijikata**
I hope you're right.
**[12:49] Okita**
Katsura has an injured leg. We won't let him escape.
**[12:55] Okita**
What is it?
**[12:57] Hijikata**
Nothing, I just thought it was unusual.
**[12:59] Hijikata**
This is the first time I've ever seen you work so hard.
**[13:05] Okita**
You're the unusual one, Hijikata-san.
**[13:08] Okita**
No other creature in existence eats his dumplings with that on it.
**[13:12] Hijikata**
Really?
**[13:15] Hijikata (As He Eats)**
Want some? It's delicious.
**[13:17] Okita**
Absolutely not.
**[13:20] Hijikata**
We're up against Katsura. We can't let down our guard.
**[13:23] Okita**
You don't need to remind me.
**[13:31] Proprietor**
Excuse me, sir...
**[13:33] Proprietor**
What is that?
**[13:38] Hijikata**
What in the hell?!
**[13:42] Okita**
Don't let your guard down, Vice-chief.
**[13:50] Brother-In-Law**
That damn long-hair made a fool of us... He won't get away with this.
**[14:03] Underling A**
But he seemed quite strong.
**[14:07] Underling B**
Yeah, I don't know if we would win even if we ganged up on him.
**[14:10] Brother-In-Law**
Relax. Who said we're going to take that kind of risk.
**[14:14] Brother-In-Law**
I have an idea.
***SIGN*** [Someone please adopt me.]
**[14:31] Child**
Mommy, I want that!
**[14:34] Mother**
Don't look in its eyes.
**[14:35] Mother**
You'll be possessed!
***SIGN*** [Daigo Ramen]
**[14:40] Katsura**
Oh, snacks. How thoughtful of you.
**[14:43] Ikumatsu**
I can be sometimes. It's just a little something for all your hard work.
**[14:49] Ikumatsu**
Well, Good work today.
**[14:51] Katsura**
Huh? What's this?
**[14:52] Ikumatsu**
Can you tell? I spent a little extra.
**[14:56] ---**
Yes, it's delicious. Yohei brews great sake. It's great.
**[15:01] Katsura**
Delicious...you say?
**[15:02] ---**
I've been thinking about this for a while. Your ramen, Ikumatsu-dono...
**[15:06] Ikumatsu**
Something's missing?
**[15:12] Ikumatsu**
I know something is missing.
**[15:16] Katsura**
Then you'll have to add whatever is missing.
**[15:18] Ikumatsu**
It's not that simple...
**[15:22] ---**
...to put in what's missing, that is.
**[15:28] Ikumatsu**
It's a heavy burden...
**[15:37] Katsura**
If you already know that, then I have nothing more to say.
**[15:41] ---**
But you know what they say...
**[15:44] Katsura**
Ignorance is bliss.
**[15:45] Ikumatsu**
No, it's not. Because I already know.
**[15:48] ---**
You said you weren't going to say anything!
**[15:51] Katsura**
It's like chanting sutras to a horse.
**[15:53] Ikumatsu**
What's that supposed to mean? You calling me a horse?
**[15:55] Katsura**
Sit three years on a stone.
***SIGN*** [Note: Similar to the saying "perserverence will prevail".]
**[15:57] Ikumatsu**
What would that do? Where's the benefit in that?
**[15:59] ---**
It seems we're getting farther from the point of this conversation!
**[16:05] Katsura**
Look, what I'm trying to say is...
**[16:07] ---**
I know.
**[16:09] Ikumatsu**
I can't leave things the way they are, right?
**[16:23] Katsura**
Ikumatsu-dono.
**[16:24] Ikumatsu**
My husband...
**[16:25] Ikumatsu**
was murdered by rebels.
**[16:29] Ikumatsu**
We made a vow that together, we would become the top ramen shop in Edo,
**[16:34] Ikumatsu**
but he got involved in an incident and that was it.
**[16:39] ---**
Saving the country by hurting innocent people is bullshit.
**[16:44] ---**
Spinning their noble-sounding words and then destroying whatever they want...
**[16:48] ---**
How many of them, I wonder, truly care about their country?
**[16:53] Ikumatsu**
If they can't even save the people right in front of them.
**[16:56] Ikumatsu**
There's no way they can save the country.
**[16:58] ---**
Patriots my ass.
**[17:00] ---**
Samurai my ass.
**[17:04] Ikumatsu**
I hate them all.
***SIGN*** [Please hire me.]
**[17:10] Proprietor**
Sorry, I can't. I can't hire someone like you.
***SIGN*** [Give me a chance.]
**[17:17] Proprietor**
No. This is why I don't want you.
**[17:21] Katsura**
Ikumatsu-dono, two tonkotsu.
***SIGN*** [Note: Tonkotsu is a ramen in a soup made with collagen-rich pork bone broth]
**[17:23] Ikumatsu**
Coming right up!
**[17:25] Woman A**
Say, say, Ikumatsu-chan...
**[17:27] Ikumatsu**
Yes?
**[17:28] Woman B**
Who's the handsome waiter? You go, girl!
**[17:32] Woman A**
You never used to let any men get near you after your husband died...
**[17:35] Woman A**
You devil you!
**[17:36] Ikumatsu**
It's not like that! He's just helping out!
**[17:38] ---**
What's so handsome about him, anyway?
**[17:40] Ikumatsu**
Look at that hair! Men look best in crew cuts.
**[17:44] Woman B**
That's what you say, but I'll bet you don't totally dislike him.
**[17:48] Ikumatsu**
No way.
**[17:49] Woman B**
Really?
**[17:51] ---**
Hey now.
**[17:57] Katsura**
Ikumatsu-dono. We need to...talk...
**[18:03] Katsura**
Ikumatsu-dono. Where'd she go?
**[18:09] Underling B**
Hey, are you sure it's okay to sell off your sister-in-law?
**[18:13] Brother-In-Law**
Hey, she said it herself. She's no relative of mine!
***SIGN*** [Watch the store. I have to make a delivery.]
**[18:22] Katsura**
She does trust me too much.
**[18:27] Brother-In-Law**
I gave her plenty of chances to do right by me, but she wouldn't play.
**[18:32] Brother-In-Law**
Time to cash out my investment. Then I'll sell the shop.
**[18:47] Katsura (M)**
I can't stay here.
**[18:51] Katsura (M)**
I can't hurt Ikumatsu-dono. And...she makes me question myself.
**[18:58] Ikumatsu**
I hate them all!
**[19:02] Man A**
Oh, a new guy, eh?
**[19:04] Man B**
Want some bread crust?
**[19:07] Underling B**
She oughta bring enough to pay for a good spree.
**[19:11] Brother-In-Law**
What're you talking about?
**[19:12] ---**
These funds are for the rebellion.
**[19:15] Underling B**
Yeah, right. You'll lose it all gambling!
**[19:25] Katsura**
Why is her delivery bike here...?
**[19:30] Okita**
All right, just a minute, guys. Hold on a minute!
**[19:33] Member C**
We're looking for a rebel terrorist who's been seen around here.
**[19:38] Member C**
I'm sure you're eager to cooperate.
**[19:40] Okita**
What're you guys doing? Are you on the job?
**[19:43] ---**
What's in here? Got any girlie magazines? Porno?
**[19:46] Okita**
Mind if we take a look inside?
**[19:49] Underling B**
Yikes! What're the Shinsengumi doing here?!
**[19:51] Member C**
Wait! Just a minute!
**[19:53] Brother-In-Law**
If they find out, they'll arrest us! Hurry!
**[19:55] Okita**
No doubt about it! Katsura must be in there! After th...
**[20:02] Member C**
Katsura! But how?!
**[20:05] Okita**
Die! Katsura!
**[20:07] Underling B**
Katsura?!
**[20:08] Brother-In-Law**
Don't tell me that was the Katsura?! Kotaro Katsura?!
**[20:13] Brother-In-Law**
He's a real rebel fighter! The Unstoppable...
**[20:16] Brother-In-Law**
Kotaro Katura?!
**[20:18] Underling B**
We're in trouble! Ditch the palanquin...and run!
**[20:20] Katsura**
Your desserts...
**[20:24] Katsura**
I've brought them...for you!
**[20:31] Katsura**
I have just two things to tell you.
**[20:33] Katsura**
One: Don't ever pose as a rebel fighter again.
**[20:37] Katsura**
Two: Never pass through the curtain of that ramen shop.
**[20:42] Katsura**
Violate either, and I promise you payment...from the hand of Kotaro Katsura.
**[20:49] Member C**
This is Unit One. We found Katsura! Send backup immediately.
**[20:53] Okita**
Katsura!
**[20:55] Katsura**
Looks like we don't have time to chat.
**[20:57] ---**
Ikumatsu-dono, thank you for everything. And...
**[21:02] Katsura**
I'm sorry.
**[21:03] Ikumatsu**
I knew the whole time.
**[21:06] Ikumatsu**
I'm like you. I don't have what it takes to ignore someone who's in trouble.
**[21:13] ---**
I'm a fool.
**[21:15] Ikumatsu**
So don't apologize.
**[21:19] Katsura**
I see.
**[21:21] Katsura**
Then let me just say this...
**[21:24] Katsura/Ikumatsu**
Thank you.
**[21:24] Katsura/Ikumatsu**
Thank you.
**[21:29] Okita**
Katsura!
**[21:33] Okita**
Huh?
***SIGN*** [Look at my hair. Poor.]
**[21:52] Ikumatsu**
Welcome...
**[21:53] ---**
Gin-san, long time no see.
**[21:55] Gintoki**
Hi. I got some money for a change... It's been a while, so... Let's see...
**[21:58] Gintoko**
What shall I have...?
**[22:01] ---**
Huh?
**[22:02] ---**
I don't remember soba being on the menu?
**[22:07] Ikumatsu**
Care to try it?
***SIGN*** [Trailer]
**[23:42] Umibozu (Narration)**
A city of constant rain where it rained all year long...
**[23:46] ---**
That was our home.
**[23:49] Umibozu (Narration)**
Others may have seen it as a sewer canal, but it was a great place to live for sewer rats.
**[23:57] Young Kagura**
Pappy!
***SIGN*** [Gin Tama]
**[24:01] Kondo**
The parasitic alien will use any organism-a dog, a cat-as its host.
**[24:07] Okita**
Ready!
**[24:11] Gintoki**
If I don't stop it, who will?
**[24:13] Shinpachi**
G-Gin-san... I'm in too!
**[24:16] Hijikata**
It's all over, aliens!
***SIGN*** [Gin Tama]
***SIGN*** [The Umibozu arc starts in the next episode.]
**[24:27] Umibozu**
Just tell them Umibozu is calling.
***SIGN*** [The man who appeared before Gintoki and his friends was Kagura's Pappy... Say what?!]
***SIGN*** [The alien hunter, Umibozu. A legend who travels the Universe.]