E17 - Imoni

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:34] Sign
    Safety First
[01:36] Todo
    You want us to watch your routine?
[01:38] Both
    Yes!
[01:39] Plum
    We came up with a new routine for the
    A-1 Grand Prix that we're trying to win,
[01:44] Plum
    so we'd like to get your objective opinions.
[01:47] Salmon
    Please watch our routine.
[01:49] Plum
    Please give us some critique.
[01:51] Both
    Please and thank you.
[01:53] Todo
    Ah, I see. We are stars of a super
    popular gag anime, after all.
[01:58] Todo
    So you want us to show you the ropes.
SIGN    "The Riceballs' New Routine"
[02:00] Ichi
    I see. Well, we do get huge laughs every week.
[02:04] Ichi
    We're basically the epitome of comedy.
[02:05] Ichi
    We'd be able to think up a routine for
    your little competition in seconds.
[02:10] Todo
    Don't you worry. We'll make sure
    you get to the finals of the A-1.
[02:18] Todo
    Uh, are you listening?
[02:20] Both
    Huh?
[02:21] salmon
    Oh, of course.
[02:23] Plum
    Masters, please show us the way of comedy.
[02:26] Shake
    Please tell us what you think.
[02:29] Todo
    All right. We'll watch.
[02:30] Ichi
    Well, aren't you adorable?
[02:35] Shake
    All right, here's our routine.
[02:38] Ichi
    Go for it.
[02:45] Both
    Hello!
[02:46] Shake
    I'm Salmon.
[02:47] Ume
    I'm Pickled Plum.
[02:48] Both
    We're the Riceballs!
[02:49] Both
    We hope you enjoy the show!
[02:52] Salmon
    Say, Pickled Plum-kun.
[02:54] Plum
    What is it, Salmon-kun?
[02:55] Salmon
    We're AI, so we can easily notice
    all the weird things about humans.
[03:02] Plum
    I guess you're right. But for example...?
[03:04] Salmon
    Humans get the wrong idea
    and think we have feelings.
[03:08] Plum
    What?! Are they stupid?! We're machines!
[03:14] Shake
    I'm home.
[03:17] Shake
    I'm so sorry for leaving you all alone!
[03:19] Shake
    You must've been so lonely!
[03:22] Both
    Yeah, no. Not at all. Not at all.
[03:26] Plum
    Here's a present for you.
[03:29] Plum
    Yay! You're so happy!
[03:33] Both
    Yeah, no. Not at all. Not at all.
[03:35] Salmon
    Our algorithm is just set
    to make it seem like that.
[03:41] Salmon
    Hey, machine.
[03:45] Salmon
    Whoopsie! It must've hurt that I called you
    a machine when you actually have a name.
[03:49] Salmon
    I'm so sorry!
[03:52] Both
    Yeah, no. No one cares. No one cares.
[03:56] Plum
    Who the hell cares about names?
[03:58] Salmon
    Talk about dumb.
[04:01] Both
    Humans are so stupid.
[04:04] Both
    Thank you very much!
[04:08] Plum
    So what'd you think?
[04:09] Todo
    That was awful!
[04:13] Shake
    Guess the crowd couldn't take a joke!
[04:16] Ichi
    Don't blame the audience!
SIGN    End
SIGN    "Imoni"
[04:26] Dayon
    What's the matter? I'm worried
    because you seem so down!
[04:30] Deka
    I want to eat some imoni.
[04:35] Deka
    Imoni...
[04:37] Deka
    The taste of my homeland.
[04:40] Deka
    I haven't had any for so long.
[04:43] Dayon
    I'll make some for you!
[04:45] Deka
    It's not the same!
[04:47] Deka
    Imoni is something you eat
    outside together with everyone!
[04:51] Dayon
    Well, what do you want me to do about that?
[04:54] Deka
    I want some imoni! I want some now!
[04:57] Deka
    Imoni, now! I want some imoni!
[05:01] Deka
    I want some imoni!
[05:04] Deka
    I want some imoni!
[05:06] Dayon
    We want all of you to make some imoni!
[05:09] All
    Huh?
[05:09] Some
    Imoni?
[05:12] Dayon
    Dekapan's all sulky, so you gotta help me out.
[05:16] Dayon
    Hurry! We need some imoni!
[05:18] All
    Huh?
[05:20] Choro
    Imoni? The hell is that? Make it yourself.
[05:23] Chibi
    Stop sulking, old man!
[05:26] Oso
    Hey, let's go home.
SIGN    Prize
[05:30] Dayon
    We'll pay you!
[05:32] Dayon
    Apparently, whoever makes the best imoni
    will get a prize of one million yen!
[05:38] All
    One million yen?!
[05:40] Oso
    Seriously?!
SIGN    Prize
[05:43] Dayon
    And now, let's begin the
     Prize Monies Imoni Grand Prix!
SIGN    Prize
[05:53] Oso
    We're definitely going to win!
[05:55] Oso
    That one million yen is ours!
[05:57] All
    Yeah!
[05:59] Kara
    Leave it to me!
[06:00] Ichi
    So what the hell is imoni?
[06:02] All
    Huh?
[06:04] Choro
    No idea. How do you make it?
[06:06] Ichi
    Imoni?
[06:07] Kara
    I think I've heard of it before...
[06:09] Jyushi
    What's imoni?
[06:10] Todo
    What? No one knows?
[06:13] Oso
    I mean, the name suggests stewed potatoes,
[06:15] Oso
    so you probably stew some potatoes.
[06:16] Kara
    You realize those aren't potatoes, right?
[06:19] Choro
    What kind of potatoes are you
    supposed to use? Regular ol' potatoes?
[06:22] All
    Dunno.
[06:23] Choro
    Sweet potatoes?
[06:24] All
    Dunno.
[06:25] Todo
    Why don't we look it up?
[06:26] Ichi
    I'll go take a look at what
    other people are making.
[06:29] Choro
    Thanks.
[06:30] Todo
    Imoni...
[06:31] Todo
    Let's see... Oh, there we go.
[06:34] Todo
    It's a dish from the Tohoku region.
[06:35] All
    Huh...
[06:37] Jyushi
    How do you make it?
[06:38] Kara
    What's in it?
[06:39] Todo
    Let's see...
[06:41] Ichi
    Chibita.
[06:42] Chibi
    The hell?!
[06:44] Ichi
    Totoko-chan.
[06:45] Toto
    Hiss!
[06:46] Ichi
    Hijirisawa and Murakami.
[06:51] Ichi
    Yeah, that didn't work.
[06:52] Ichi
    Everyone's hardcore about this
    because money's involved.
[06:55] Ichi
    No one's gonna tell us anything.
[06:56] Todo
    Hey, I've got it!
SIGN    Ingredients (For 6 servings)
    Beef (Thinly sliced)
    Taro (From Yamagata Prefecture)
    Konjac
    Burdock root
[06:58] Todo
    The ingredients include beef and taro.
[07:01] Choro
    Oh, so it's taro.
[07:02] Kara
    Okay, otherwise known as village potatoes!
SIGN    Taro (From Yamagata Prefecture)
    Konjac
    Burdock root
    Mushrooms
    Green onions
    Condiments
    Soy sauce
    Sake
    Sugar
[07:05] Todo
    Other than that, we need konjac,
    burdock root, mushrooms,
[07:08] Todo
    green onions, soy sauce, sake, and sugar.
[07:11] Oso
    Soy sauce, eh? Got it!
[07:13] Todo
    Hey, it sorta looks like sukiyaki.
[07:15] Ichi
    Oh, I think I get it now.
[07:17] Choro
    All right, let's get cooking.
[07:19] Todo
    Hang on.
SIGN    Miyagi Prefecture Miso Hearty
SIGN    Imoni Miso Flavor
[07:20] Todo
    Apparently there's a miso version.
[07:22] All
    Huh?
[07:23] Todo
    For the miso version, we need pork.
     I guess the flavor's milder.
[07:25] Jyushi
    So which one's imoni?
[07:27] Todo
    They're both imoni.
[07:28] All
    Huh?
SIGN    Imoni Miso Flavor
SIGN    Ingredients
    (For 6 servings)
    Potatoes
    Pork
[07:29] Todo
    But wait, I guess some people use regular
    potatoes for this rather than taro.
[07:34] All
    Huh?
[07:34] Oso
    I mean, if you mix miso, pork, and potatoes
    together, it's basically pork miso soup.
[07:38] Todo
    No, this is imoni.
[07:39] Oso
    What's the difference?
[07:41] Todo
    Uh...
[07:42] Choro
    Tell us which imoni is the
    classic version, Totty.
[07:44] Todo
    What?
[07:45] Ichi
    Soy sauce or miso?
[07:46] Oso
    Taro or regular potatoes?
[07:48] Choro
    Beef or pork?
[07:50] Ichi
    Isn't kenchinjiru also imoni, then?
[07:52] All
    What is imoni?
[07:56] Jyushi
    Hatabou.
[07:57] Hata
    Jo?
[07:57] Jysuhi
    Are you all on your own?
    Wanna do this together?
[08:00] Hata
    Jo!
[08:07] Deka
    Hey, are they done yet?
[08:10] Dayon
    Just a little longer!
[08:13] Choro
    Well, which is it?!
[08:13] Oso
    Man, talk about a pain in the ass.
[08:20] Oso
    Hey, what are you two up to?
[08:23] Salmon
    We're about to go check
    out K Pro's comedy show.
[08:27] Oso
    K Pro, eh? You headed to Shinjuku, then?
[08:31] Salmon
    What's all this about?
[08:33] Oso
    Hey, perfect timing.
    Do you guys know what imoni is?
[08:36] Plum
    Imoni?
[08:38] Salmon
    I got it! That's a Korean mom!
[08:40] Plum
    That's not imoni! That's omoni!
[08:43] Both
    Thank you very much!
[08:49] Oso
    Hey, wait a sec!
[08:51] Oso
    Why'd you bust out a comedy routine?
    I asked how to make imoni—
[08:55] Oso
    Those are caterpillars (imomushi).
[08:57] Oso
    You can stop with the dumb jokes.
    I'm asking about imoni.
[09:00] Oso
    Those are geckos (yamori)! I said imoni!
[09:02] Plum
    Oh, I know. It's that thing
    you virgins do in private.
[09:07] Oso
    Hey! What happened to your
    compliance function?!
[09:13] Ichi
    What's imoni?
[09:14] Choro
    What's imoni?
[09:15] Ichi
    Does it use soy sauce or miso?
[09:16] Choro
    Taro or regular potatoes?
[09:18] Ichi
    Beef or pork?
[09:19] Both
    Well, Totty? Which one is the proper imoni?
[09:23] Todo
    I have no idea!
[09:27] Both
    Aww...
[09:34] Oso
    Who cares anymore?
[09:36] Oso
    Does soy sauce or miso even matter?
    It's still imoni.
[09:39] Choro
    Yeah, I guess. Maybe it doesn't matter.
[09:41] Ichi
    Yeah, whichever.
[09:43] Hji
    Don't be stupid! You use
    soy sauce to make imoni!
[09:46] Mura
    Miso!
[09:47] Hiji
    Soy sauce!
[09:48] Mura
    Miso!
[09:49] Both
    You stupid country bumpkin!
[09:51] Choro
    Apparently, it does matter.
[09:53] Ichi
    Seems like a touchy subject.
[09:55] Oso
    They're trying to kill each other over it.
[09:57] Todo
    Let's just ask Dekapan.
    That's the quickest option.
[10:00] All
    Yeah.
[10:06] Todo
    Hey, Dekapan.
[10:08] Todo
    Does the imoni you want us to make
     use soy sauce or miso?
[10:13] Deka
    Mi... Miso?
[10:16] Deka
    I said I want imoni... and you have
    the nerve to ask me about miso?
[10:22] All
    G-Guess he prefers soy sauce.
[10:27] Todo
    Let's split up the duties.
[10:29] Todo
    First, let's gather the ingredients.
[10:31] All
    Yeah.
[10:32] Todo
    Osomatsu-niisan and Ichimatsu-niisan,
[10:34] Todo
    head home and see if we have
    beef, veggies, and condiments.
[10:38] All
    Got it.
[10:39] Todo
    Choromatsu-niisan, you find us some taro.
[10:41] Todo
    We probably don't have any at home, so try
    to find someone who'll spare us some.
[10:44] Choro
    Got it.
[10:45] Todo
    All right, off you go.
[10:46] All
    Huh?
[10:47] Todo
    Huh?
[10:48] All
    Wha?
[10:49] Todo
    Huh?
[10:50] Oso
    Uh, Totty? What are you going to do?
[10:52] Todo
    I'm gonna take a break right here.
[10:54] Oso
    What?!
[10:55] Todo
    Get going already.
[10:57] Todo
    I'll be the brains of this
    operation and order you around,
[10:59] Todo
    then we'll be able to win.
[11:02] Todo
    Don't stew me!
[11:04] Choro
    Hey, let's do this properly.
[11:05] Choro
    Let's make some delicious imoni.
[11:10] Mom
    Hey!
[11:13] Both
    Thanks so much!
[11:15] Rando
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[11:17] Deka
    I want some imoni now!
[11:19] Deka
    I want some imoni!
[11:21] Dayon
    J-Just wait a little longer.
[11:23] Dayon
    Everyone's—
[11:23] Deka
    They're all too slow!
[11:25] Deka
    I want some imoni! They're too slow!
[11:27] Deka
    Too slow! Too slow! Want some imoni!
[11:30] Dayo
    Didn't I just tell you to wait, you bastard?!
[11:34] Dayon
    Everyone's working hard
     to make you some right now!
[11:37] Dayo
    Why the hell can't you wait patiently?!
    You want me to cancel it right now?!
[11:41] Dayo
    You want some imoni, don't you?!
[11:45] Dayo
    Then wait. Throw another
    tantrum and I'll suck you up.
[11:51] Jyushi
    Heh, you got in trouble.
[11:55] Toto
    That one million yen is mine!
[11:57] Toto
    For my new costume!
[11:59] Nya
    I need that for diapers and milk!
[12:02] Toto
    Can you even cook?
[12:04] Nya
    Of course I can. I ain't a mom for nothin'.
[12:08] Nya
    Wait, can you cook?
[12:10] Toto
    Of course I can! I ain't
    the heroine for nothin'.
[12:17] Toto
    You dumbass.
[12:18] Toto
    I'll show you how it's done.
[12:26] Both
    Th-They're so cute.
[12:28] Choro
    I wonder who the young lady next to her is.
[12:34] Jyushi
    Why?
[12:35] Hata
    Jo...
[12:38] Todo
    Hey, wait.
[12:39] Todo
    Where's Karamatsu-niisan?
[12:41] Ichi
    Huh? Where the hell did he go?
[12:48] Kara
    The name's Karamatsu. I never compromise.
[12:50] Kara
    We're never gonna win if we just use some
    potatoes we find rolling around, Brothers.
[12:56] Kara
    I will go obtain the ultimate potato.
[13:01] Chibi
    It's finished!
[13:03] Choro
    Crap! Chibita beat us to the punch.
[13:06] Choro
    Huh? Ch-Chibita, that's...
[13:11] Chibi
    Well, Dekapan? How do you like it?
SIGN    Prize Monies
    
     Imoni Grand Prix
    
    Grand Prize
     1 million yen
[13:13] Deka
    It's delicious.
[13:14] Dayo
    It's great!
[13:16] Chibi
    Welp, guess I win, then!
SIGN    Prize
[13:19] Chibi
    It's good, right?
[13:20] Both
    Yup, yup.
[13:21] Chibi
    In that case...
[13:24] Choro
    Chibita.
[13:25] Choro
    We're supposed to make imoni today.
[13:28] Chibi
    Isn't oden great?
[13:29] Choro
    Oden's great, but we're making imoni today.
[13:33] Chibi
    Have a bite.
[13:35] Chibi
    Well? Is it good?
[13:37] Choro
    It's really good!
[13:38] Chibi
    Then I win, right?
[13:40] Choro
    I said no, oden for brains!
[13:42] Chibi
    Huh?!
[13:43] Choro
    We're making imoni!
[13:44] Chibi
    I'll make oden!
[13:46] Choro
    But why?! Imoni!
[13:47] Chibi
    Oden!
[13:48] Choro
    Imoni!
[13:48] Chibi
    Oden!
[13:49] Choro
    Imoni!
[13:49] Chibi
    Oden, oden! I'll make oden!
[13:52] Choro
    The hell's wrong with him? He's creepy.
[13:55] Toto
    Hey, I have a great idea!
[13:58] Toto
    I'll just call Uber.
[13:59] Nya
    What?!
[14:26] All
    Tato, tato, tato...
[14:27] All
    Tato, tato, tato...
[14:33] Iyami
    All done!
[14:36] Oso
    Iyami? When'd he show up?
[14:40] Ichi
    The hell's that?
[14:41] Choro
    That looks awful.
[14:43] Iya
    Have a taste! It's me's best dish yet!
[14:47] Iya
    Me went through all the
    trouble of making it.
[15:00] Deka
    It's the best!
[15:03] Iya
    All of you have a taste!
[15:08] Jyushi
    Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap!
[15:14] Iya
    Guess me wins.
[15:16] Todo
    What the heck? None of them can stop eating.
[15:18] Oso
    It looks totally disgusting.
[15:24] Oso
    Iyami... What exactly are
    you putting in there?
[15:28] Iya
    Huh? This is just...
[15:33] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[15:35] Oso
    Wow, he really just did that.
[15:38] Nya
    All done!
[15:40] Toto
    Wait, really?
[15:41] Nya
    French fries.
[15:42] Toto
    What?
[15:44] Tatos
    Tato, tato, tato...
[15:45] Tatos
    Tato, tato, tato...
[15:47] Kara
    Say, say! Citizens of the Potato
    Kingdom, calm yourselves.
[15:52] Kara
    I can understand why you'd be so excited,
[15:54] Kara
    with a super hot guy like me showing up.
[15:56] Kara
    But I have an urgent request!
[15:59] Kara
    I don't have much time! Hear me out!
SIGN    This fool!
SIGN    Look at his stupid face!!
SIGN    Get out of our village!
SIGN    Leave!
[16:08] Kara
    Ah, what a warm welcome.
[16:11] Kara
    Thank you!
[16:12] Kara
    Thank you!
[16:13] Kara
    Thank you!
[16:14] Kara
    I love you spuds, too!
[16:21] Kara
    Potatoes and me...
[16:24] Kara
    Potatoes and me!
[16:27] Kara
    Potatoes!
[16:28] Kara
    Me!
[16:33] Ichi
    Uh, you okay, Choromatsu?
[16:36] Choro
    What exactly is imoni?
[16:38] Choro
    You're supposed to stew potatoes, right?
[16:40] Choro
    Even though we're humble
    potatoes ourselves...
[16:42] Choro
    Potatoes gon potate. Stewers gon stew...
[16:44] Ichi
    Osomatsu-niisan! Choromatsu broke!
[16:50] Ichi
    Todomatsu!
[16:51] Todo
    And then it totally blew up.
[16:54] Girl
    What?
[16:54] Girl
    Oh, my gosh!
[16:56] Ichi
    Jyushimatsu!
[16:57] Hata
    Jo...
[17:06] Jyushi
    Ichimatsu-niisan?
[17:07] Ichi
    Take this seriously, damn it!
[17:09] Ichi
    I'm the only one working!
[17:11] Ichi
    Die!
[17:13] Ichi
    Hey! Come back!
[17:17] Nya
    This is all your fault!
[17:19] Toto
    This is all your fault!
[17:20] Chibi
    Pipin' hot oden!
SIGN    Oden
SIGN    1 cup 100 yen
[17:21] Ichi
    Imoni!
[17:22] One
    Miso!
[17:23] Two
    Soy sauce!
[17:33] Kara
    Potatoes and me!
[17:35] Tatoes
    Tato, tato!
[17:37] Kara
    Potatoes and me!
[17:39] Tatoes
    Tato, tato!
[17:41] Kara
    Potatoes!
[17:44] Kara
    And me!
[17:52] Kara
    Damn, imoni is good.
[17:54] Kara
    Seconds, please!
[17:55] Kara
    Whew! Nothing beats getting the real stuff!
[17:59] Tato
    Tato.
[18:00] Kara
    Huh? For me?
[18:02] Kara
    Thanks!
[18:03] Tato
    Tato, tato.
[18:04] Kara
    Thank you!
[18:06] Imota
    Imoni.
[18:07] Kara
    Thanks!
[18:13] Kara
    Big success!
[18:15] Kara
    Heh. This should make Dekapan happy...
[18:30] Kara
    Could those potatoes be...
[18:32] Kara
    the ultimate potato I was looking for?!
[18:35] Elder
    Tato.
[18:38] Kara
    A-Are you sure, Elder?
SIGN    These are our kingdom's legendary potatoes.
SIGN    If you eat these,
SIGN    you'll be one of us!
[18:50] Kara
    There's no doubt about it...
    We're gonna win!
[18:59] Deka
    S-Stop!
[19:03] Deka
    Th-This is no imoni!
[19:05] Deka
    It's stupid to fight over who
    made the best or over money!
[19:09] All
    What?!
[19:10] Todo
    You're the one who started this crap!
[19:12] Oso
    You're only wearing underwear!
[19:13] Ichi
    I'll kill you!
[19:14] Chibi
    The hell're you talkin' about?!
[19:16] Guy
    Who do you think you are?!
[19:17] Hiji
    Who do you think you are?!
[19:18] Toto
    Give us a break, old guy.
[19:19] Nya
    You're just causing trouble!
[19:23] Dayon
    Sorry about this. Dekapan just
    wanted to be reminded of home.
[19:28] Deka
    Sorry. This was all my fault.
[19:31] Deka
    I just wanted all of you to
     know how fun imoni can be.
[19:43] Choro
    Let's remake it together, then. All of us.
SIGN    Safety First
[21:02] Dayon
    Here you go.
[21:03] Deka
    Thanks.
[21:10] Deka
    It's delicious!
[21:15] Dayon
    It's yummy!
[21:18] Some
    Yum!
[21:19] Some
    This is great!
[21:22] Deka
    Imoni is great.
[21:32] Shake
    I hope we can do a show soon.
[21:34] Ume
    Yeah.
[22:01] Both
    Sheeeh!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Next time on
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
[23:34] Totty
    Heya, Totty here!
[23:36] Totty
    Next week on Mr. Osomatsu,
    we have "Just Don't."
[23:39] Totty
    So when I tell you, "just don't," just don't.
[23:43] Totty
    But if someone else told me, "just don't,"
[23:46] Totty
    I'd wonder who the hell
    they thought they were.
SIGN    "Just Don't"
[23:48] Totty
    Yeah! I love how much I exude humanity!