E20 - Tell Us, Hatabou / School Matsu / Iyami's School

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    "Tell Us, Hatabou"
[00:02] Hata
    Jo!
[00:08] Guy
    Mr. Flag, or should I say, Hatabou.
[00:12] Guy
    We've finally come to the realization...
[00:14] Lady
    ...that you're actually doing
    nothing to run this company.
[00:19] Guy
    Why didn't we realize it before?
[00:21] Guy
    So long.
[00:24] Hata
    Jo...
[00:25] Lady
    Oh, is this a shock to you? But someone like y—
[00:27] Hata
    Jo? You're not my friends, so I don't care, jo.
[00:34] Ichi
    Hey, Jyushimatsu.
[00:36] Jyu
    What is it, Ichimatsu-niisan?
[00:38] Ichi
    It's so nice out. Perfect walking weather.
[00:42] Jyu
    Yup.
[00:47] Ichi
    Do you really not mind this?
[00:48] Jyu
    Not at all.
[00:50] Ichi
    Oh, okay.
[00:53] Hata
    Kebabs, jo! They're delicious, jo.
[00:54] Ichi
    What the heck is that?
[00:56] Hata
    Kebabs, jo. Delicious kebabs, jo.
[01:00] Ichi
    Uh...
[01:01] Ichi
    What are you doing, Hatabou?
[01:03] Hata
    Kebabs, jo.
[01:05] Ichi
    Huh?
[01:07] Hata
    Delicious kebabs, jo.
[01:13] Ichi
    What is this? It's delicious.
[01:18] Jya
    Yum!
[01:19] Jya
    So good! So good!
[01:20] Ichi
    Whoa, Jyushimatsu! Jyushimatsu!
[01:23] Ichi
    Good boy, good boy, good boy...
[01:25] Hata
    Kebabs, jo. Delicious kebabs, jo.
[01:28] Ichi
    Hatabou, these are super good.
    What kind of meat is in these, anyway?
[01:28] Hata
    Kebabs, jo. They're delicious, jo.
    Delicious kebabs, jo. Keba—
[01:34] Ichi
    Huh? Uh... What kind of meat is it?
[01:38] Jyu
    Hatabou?
[01:42] Both
    Huh?
[01:44] Choro
    Our eyes totally met!
    She totally looked right at me!
[01:50] Hata
    Hamburgers, jo.
[01:50] Choro
    The heck is that?
[01:52] Hata
    Hamburgers, jo. Delicious hamburgers.
[01:56] Choro
    Hatabou, what are you doing?
[01:58] Hata
    Hamburgers, jo.
[02:00] Choro
    Huh?
[02:00] Hata
    Delicious hamburgers, jo.
[02:06] Choro
    What is this? They're delicious, Hatabou!
[02:09] Hata
    Hamburgers, jo. Delicious hamburgers, jo.
[02:11] Choro
    Wow... What kind of meat are you using?
[02:13] Hata
    Hambur—
[02:15] ---
    Huh? What kind of meat is it?
[02:20] Choro
    Er, Hata—
[02:22] Todo
    Okay, seriously, Karamatsu-niisan!
[02:25] Todo
    Why are you dressed like that here?
[02:27] Todo
    When, where, and how much did you buy that for?
[02:29] Todo
    Aren't you cold?
[02:31] Kara
    I feel like I'll freeze to death.
[02:33] Todo
    You're an idiot!
[02:35] Kara
    What's that?
[02:36] Todo
    Huh?
SIGN    Horumon
[02:36] Hata
    Yakiniku, jo. Delicious yakiniku, jo.
    It's delicious, jo.
[02:41] Hata
    Yakiniku, jo. Delicious yakiniku, jo.
[02:43] Todo
    What is this? It's yummy.
[02:45] Kara
    It's too good!
[02:46] Hata
    It's delicious, jo.
[02:47] Todo
    Hatabou, what kind of meat is this?
[02:52] Kara
    What kind of meat is this?
[02:56] Oso
    Er, Hatabou?
[02:58] Oso
    Seriously, what kind of meat is this?
[03:01] Oso
    Hey!
[03:03] Oso
    Hatabou!
[03:04] Oso
    What kind of meat is it?!
SIGN    On Special!
[03:05] Oso
    Okay, seriously! What kind of meat is this?
[03:10] Hata
    Yay, jo.
[03:12] Hata
    I made a fortune again, jo.
[03:16] Oso
    Seriously, tell me what kind of meat this is!
[03:19] Hata
    You're all my friends, so you
    don't have to hold back, jo.
[03:22] All
    Hatabou, what kind of meat is this?!
SIGN    Let Me Sing Big
SIGN    "School Matsu"
[04:59] Choro
    Yeah, what? What?
[05:01] Choro
    Whose turf you think yer on with
    that smug face of yers, huh?
[05:04] Choro
    Huh? Huh?! What?!
[05:08] Choro
    You listening to me, huh?!
    That's my spot, you asshole!
[05:12] Choro
    Don't ignore me, damn it!
[05:16] Todo
    The hell are you doing? Talk about lame.
[05:20] Choro
    You! Todomatsu!
[05:22] Todo
    Yo, Fappymatsu.
[05:24] Choro
    The hell?! I'm your senpai!
[05:26] Todo
    Hah! I never considered you my senpai!
[05:30] Choro
    You want a piece of me?!
[05:32] Todo
    I have a slight chance of
    winning if it's against you!
[05:40] Choro
    Hey!
[05:41] Choro
    Have you ever been late? Huh?!
[05:43] Todo
    Of course I have!
[05:46] Todo
    Did you ever run in the halls, then? Huh?!
[05:48] Choro
    Of course not!
[05:50] Todo
    Lame!
[05:51] Choro
    The hell did you say?!
[05:53] Kara
    Hey, you guys!
[05:54] Kara
    Shut up, you idiots.
[05:56] Choro
    Th-That's...
[05:58] Todo
    The self-proclaimed fashion
    leader, Karamatsu-san!
[06:01] Choro
    Wait, what's with that uniform?!
[06:03] Choro
    Your nipples are showing!
[06:05] Kara
    I know. Hot, right?
[06:07] Todo
    That's seriously insane!
[06:09] Choro
    That shaved line is crazy, too!
[06:10] Kara
    You look up to me now?
[06:12] Choro
    It's super insane.
[06:15] Kara
    And? Is it cool?
[06:17] Both
    It's insane.
[06:18] Kara
    I got that it's insane. But is it cool?!
[06:21] Both
    It's totally insane.
[06:22] Kara
    I'm asking you if it's c—
[06:23] Both
    It's super insane!
[06:24] Kara
    Seriously, is it—
[06:24] Oso
    Hey!
[06:26] Oso
    Hey, hey, hey!
[06:28] Todo
    That's...
[06:29] Choro
    The trash leader, Osomatsu-san!
[06:31] Oso
    Huh? Wha? Huh? What, what what?!
[06:33] Oso
    Huh?! Huh?! What?!
[06:34] Oso
    Huh? Wha? Huh? What?!
SIGN    Unemployed is Just Fine
[06:38] Oso
    You guys bored? Huh?!
[06:40] Oso
    I'm asking if you guys are bored, too. Huh?!
[06:43] Todo
    Y-Yes...
[06:44] Oso
    You really bored? Super bored?
[06:46] Oso
    From day to night? You better
    not be finding any dreams!
[06:51] Oso
    You mooching off your parents?
[06:53] Oso
    Are you talking about work, even
    though you've never worked? Huh?!
[06:56] Oso
    You invite your friends out to drink
[06:58] Oso
    with every intention of having
    them pay for you, huh?!
SIGN    Rage
[07:01] Choro
    I'm sorry!
[07:04] Oso
    You straight-edge.
[07:05] Todo
    H-He's on a completely different level!
[07:07] Oso
    Listen up—
[07:09] Girl
    And then...
[07:10] Girl
    No way.
[07:11] Girl
    And then...
[07:13] Oso
    Hey!
[07:15] Kara
    Hey, that's enough, Osomatsu.
[07:17] Oso
    Huh?
[07:18] Oso
    The hell's your problem? You look super lame.
[07:20] Oso
    I've gotta wonder how you have
    the nerve to dress like that.
[07:28] Kara
    Fight me, damn it!
[07:30] Oso
    Huh?!
[09:17] Kara
    O-Oh, shit...
[09:19] Oso
    The leader in the shadows,
    Ichimatsu-san, is here...
[09:23] Ichi
    ksjdhfa
[09:24] Oso
    Huh?! Uh, yes.
[09:25] Oso
    You're absolutely right.
[09:26] Ichi
    laksdjteowikmnc
[09:27] Kara
    What? Really?!
[09:29] Ichi
    dfafgoiklnm,ad.s
[09:32] Choro
    Wow, that's crazy!
[09:34] Ichi
    akhsdoiqkqkqlnakjdnkaj
    asjfjkafhkafkjkjas
[09:39] Todo
    Whoa! That's amazing!
[09:40] Ichi
    askjhfaskjkla!
[09:41] Four
    Sorry!
[09:42] Ichi
    asdjkahsd
[09:43] Four
    We're sorry!
[09:44] Oso
    Crap... I have absolutely
    no idea what he's saying!
[09:52] Ichi
    asfdavmjkwg
[09:53] Four
    Sorry!
[09:54] Ichi
    rgtfcyi
[09:55] Four
    We're sorry!
[09:56] Oso
    Why?! Why are we getting yelled at?
[10:25] Toto
    What'd you say?!
[10:28] All
    Totoko-san!
[10:30] Toto
    Mackerel, salmon, mackerel, salmon!
[10:33] Toto
    Pacific bluefin tuna!
SIGN    End
SIGN    "Iyami's School"
[10:41] Chibi
    Welcome! The hell?!
SIGN    4F Iyami's Comedy School
[10:42] Chibi
    You idjits! Damn it!
[10:45] Chibi
    So now, I'm going to introduce
    the principal of this school,
[10:49] Chibi
    who'll be teaching you all
    there is to know about comedy.
[10:54] Chi
    The person who took the world by storm!
[10:56] Chibi
    The star of the Showa Era!
[10:58] Chibi
    The con artist comedian with an
    overbite, Iyami-sensei, you idjits!
[11:03] Iya
    Well, hello. Hello, hello.
[11:05] Chibi
    Yeah! King of Comedy! Woo!
[11:08] Iya
    Iyami's the name!
[11:09] Chibi
    Woo!
[11:10] Iya
    If we may get started, listen to this little tidbit.
[11:13] Chibi
    What's up?
[11:15] Iya
    The place me loves the most
    is the department store.
[11:19] Iya
    Because... of my deppa (overbite)!
[11:22] Iya
    Yes, the deppartment store!
[11:29] Iya
    Sheeeh!
[11:34] Chibi
    I'm gonna die! You slay me!
[11:36] Iya
    And...
[11:38] Iya
    The food me loves the most... is teppanyaki.
[11:42] Iya
    Because of my deppa.
[11:45] Iya
    Yes! Deppanyaki!
[11:51] Iya
    Sheeeh!
[11:56] Chibi
    The same gag again? Really, you idjit!
[11:57] Iya
    This is what you call comedy!
[12:03] Chibi
    Man, that was a great lesson,
    wasn't it, you idjits?
[12:06] Chibi
    See you tomorrow.
[12:11] Chibi
    Look how much we made
    from that stupid lesson.
[12:15] Iyami
    School-related things are
    going to be in from now on.
[12:21] Chibi
    Who is it, you idjits?
    The lesson's already over—
[12:23] Six
    What up?
[12:26] Six
    We've come to do comedy!
[12:29] Chibi
    They're totally not taking this seriously...
[12:31] Chibi
    Hey! Who the hell are you guys?
[12:33] Oso
    Huh? I'm Osomatsu. I always got laughs in class.
[12:37] Oso
    I'll be big in no time.
[12:39] Kara
    I'm Karamatsu. I didn't get lucky in the actor biz.
SIGN    Karamatsu
[12:42] Kara
    Want my autograph?
[12:44] Choro
    I'm Choromatsu. I'm experienced with retorts.
[12:47] Choro
    Also, I can do MC and panel comedy.
[12:49] Ichi
    I'm Ichimatsu. I wonder if the
    crowd can keep up with my comedy.
[12:53] Ichi
    That's the only thing I'm worried about.
[12:55] Jyu
    I'm Jyushimatsu! Individuality?
[12:57] Jyu
    Logic? What the heck is that?
[12:59] Jyu
    All you need is excitement!
[13:00] Todo
    I'm Todomatsu! Don't call me a comedian.
[13:03] Todo
    I'm going for more of a pop image.
[13:05] Oso
    There you have it.
[13:06] Six
    Thanks for having us!
[13:08] Chibi
    What the hell is up with
    that attitude of yours?!
[13:10] Chibi
    Don't you dare underestimate
    comedy, you idjits! Damn it!
[13:12] Iya
    Chibita-kun, calm down.
[13:15] Chibi
    But, sir!
[13:16] Iyami
    They are still amateurs.
    It's silly to get so angry.
[13:21] Kara
    So, when do I get to debut?
[13:23] Todo
    When can I be on TV?
[13:26] Iya
    You all seem pretty confident.
[13:28] Oso
    Well, yeah! I mean, TV is so boring these days.
[13:32] Oso
    If that's all they've got, we're much f—
[13:34] Iya
    Let me tell you something!
[13:36] Iya
    If you're going to be a professional,
    don't say something isn't funny so lightly.
[13:40] Iya
    You need the right knowledge and
    education to laugh at things.
[13:44] Iya
    Which means...
[13:45] Iya
    People like you who say something isn't funny
[13:48] Iya
    so easily is the same as saying
    you're not funny yourself!
[13:55] Chibi
    H-Hey, why are you getting so serious?
[13:58] Iya
    We need to crush the egos of amateurs who
    don't take this work seriously early on.
[14:02] Chibi
    You're the angriest one here!
[14:04] Iya
    You. Give me a one-liner.
[14:07] Oso
    Huh?! Right now?
[14:08] Iya
    Okay, 3, 2, 1.
[14:10] Oso
    W-Wait! I can't right now!
[14:12] Oso
    The mood's wrong and the hand-off was—
[14:13] Iya
    Sheeeh!
[14:17] Iya
    There's no option to not do it for such reasons!
[14:20] Iya
    You have nothing to defend,
    and yet you're being defensive.
[14:24] Choro
    Indeed. Being a poser is never good.
[14:26] Todo
    And then?
[14:29] Todo
    And then, Iyami-sensei?
[14:32] Iya
    Sheeeh!
[14:36] Iya
    Cheap trick bastards like you
    who can only mimic comedy things
[14:39] Iya
    you've seen piss me off the most!
[14:40] Choo
    Indeed, the type you see among students.
[14:43] Todo
    Aw, but I just want to be popular,
    so I don't care if I'm not funny.
[14:47] Iya
    Let me tell you something!
[14:50] Iya
    Wanting to be popular is perfectly fine.
[14:52] Iya
    But in order to be funny,
[14:53] Iya
    you have to not want to be
    popular to an excessive degree.
[14:56] Iya
    Would you be able to create
    situations at mixers every night?
[14:59] Iya
    It'd be funnier if you weren't popular.
[15:02] Iya
    The dilemma of starting this
    because you want to be popular,
[15:04] Iya
    when in truth, you're funnier
    when you're unpopular!
[15:05] Iya
    Do you still think you could do it?
[15:11] Choro
    You have to sacrifice your private
    life in order to be successful.
[15:15] Ichi
    Yeah, but being successful isn't everything.
[15:18] Ichi
    As long as I'm able to do what I want...
[15:20] Iya
    Let me tell you something!
[15:23] Iya
    Comedy is a service industry!
    What people think of you is everything!
[15:27] Iya
    If you want to do what you want,
[15:28] Iya
    go to some underground theater and do
    some independent crap, you moleman.
[15:31] Ichi
    Th-That's fine with me...
[15:33] Iya
    Is it really?
[15:35] Iya
    Stand-up comedians like that are only
    allowed to say funny words!
[15:38] Iya
    Can you see yourself at over forty,
    working your butt off at a convenience store,
[15:42] Iya
    and staking your life on witty comments?!
[15:44] Ichi
    That kind of... hell...
[15:46] Iya
    You need to be successful
    in order to do what you want.
[15:49] Choro
    Yup. That's a pro.
[15:51] Jyu
    Then maybe I'll go for the surreal type.
[15:54] Jyu
    I'll garner attention with
    my unpredictable styl—
[15:56] Iya
    Let me tell you something!
[15:59] Iya
    "Surreal" is the most dangerous word of all.
[16:01] Iya
    You're only surreal if you can be cliché.
[16:03] Iya
    Weirdos like you who ignore the
    rules are just plain weirdos!
[16:09] Iya
    And...
[16:11] Iya
    True weirdos like you would
    struggle in this day in age.
[16:14] Iya
    If you want to become a professional,
    you need to put in some effort
[16:17] Iya
    rather than just rely on your foundation!
[16:21] Choro
    There aren't any successful people
    who don't understand logic.
[16:26] Kara
    I think I've got the rules of comedy down now.
[16:29] Iya
    Oh? You wrote it all down?
[16:31] Kara
    In this business, effort is everything.
[16:34] Iyami
    Idiots who conscientiously
    take notes on everything
[16:36] Iyami
    their master says can't be successful.
[16:38] Kra
    What?!
[16:39] Iya
    Having the nerve to ignore advice
    creates just the right balance.
[16:44] Kara
    What am I supposed to believe?!
[16:46] Choro
    Hey, guys? You're way too shocked.
[16:48] Choro
    I'm sorry, Sensei. They're all stupid—
[16:51] Iya
    Let me be honest. You're the
    worst out of all of them.
[16:54] Choro
    Huh?
[16:56] Iya
    You haven't done anything
    original since you got here.
[16:58] Iya
    You're just making weak comments
    in between actions to fill in pauses.
[17:02] Iya
    You talk like you understand,
    but you understand nothing.
[17:04] Iya
    Guys like you are lame, gross, and painful before
[17:06] Iya
    we even consider if you're funny or not.
    And me hates guys like you the most!
[17:14] Chibi
    U-Uh... I think that's enough...
[17:17] Oso
    Wh-What the hell?
    All you're doing is complaining.
[17:19] Todo
    You're just finding fault with us.
[17:20] Ichi
    Y-You complainer.
[17:22] Iya
    What? Were you shocked by
    the comments me gave you?
[17:25] All
    Of course!
[17:27] Iya
    Fine. Then we'll do a little experiment.
[17:31] Iya
    You, there.
[17:32] Ichi
    Huh? Me?
[17:34] Iya
    Make some joke with this tennis racket.
[17:37] Ichi
    Right now?!
[17:38] Iya
    You can't?
[17:40] Ichi
    I-I'll do it, but...
[17:42] Ichi
    Um... Oh.
[17:44] Ichi
    S-Strike. I'm an umpire.
[17:49] Iya
    That's very straightforward and funny.
[17:51] Ichi
    Huh? Really?
[17:52] Chibi
    What? I didn't laugh at all.
[17:55] Ichi
    Huh?
[17:55] Chibi
    It's too cliché, you idjit.
    I've seen that before, anyway.
[18:00] Iya
    This time, you do it.
[18:01] Jya
    'Kay. Let's see...
[18:05] Jya
    Ah!
[18:06] Jyu
    It got huge!
[18:07] Iya
    Dirty jokes will scare people off!
[18:11] Chibi
    No, I actually thought that was hilarious.
[18:13] Jyu
    Really?!
[18:14] Chi
    But I'm pretty sure I've heard that somewhere.
[18:17] Iya
    That didn't bother me.
[18:20] Jyu
    Really?!
[18:21] Todo
    H-Hey, who's right here?
[18:23] Kara
    I'm confused about what's good or bad.
[18:25] Iya
    And that is comedy!
[18:30] Iya
    When you have fans, that means you'll
    also have people who don't like you.
[18:33] Iya
    You want to satisfy both sides and
    gain the support of thousands?
[18:36] Iya
    You need to leave that
    up to the professionals!
[18:39] Iya
    Which means if lies and complaints bother
    you, you won't be able to keep it up.
[18:43] Iya
    You need to strengthen yourself mentally!
[18:47] Iya
    Listen up.
[18:49] Iya
    This is the most important thing.
SIGN    Pro
    
    Amateur
SIGN    Wants to be a comedian Popular in class A-kun
SIGN    Loves variety Face is ugly B-kun
SIGN    Good at retorts Postcard writer C-kun
[18:52] Iya
    You're going to enter this business with the
[18:55] Iya
    experiences and confidence you already had,
[18:57] Iya
    and you'll try to gain even more ability... But!
[19:01] Iya
    That's a mistake to begin with!
[19:03] Iya
    The first step to becoming a professional
    is to take all of your experiences and...
[19:07] Iya
    Sheeeh!
[19:09] Iya
    You need to throw them all away
    and go back to zero, to an amateur!
[19:13] Iya
    That is truly the first step
    to becoming a professional!
[19:22] Deka
    You guys, when you open for your senpais,
[19:25] Deka
    you need to make sure not to get too many laughs.
[19:28] Choro
    Huh? Really?
[19:30] Dayo
    When you guys go on, we'll introduce
    you as the "Super Funny Sextuplets."
[19:35] Todo
    Hey, come on. Don't raise the bar for us.
[19:40] Iya
    I forgot to mention this,
[19:41] Iya
    but talking with dressing room guys who
    haven't been successful on stage
[19:45] Iya
    is super boring, and won't be any benefit to you.
[19:47] ---
    Okay.
[19:52] Iya
    Watch my jokes and learn.
[19:55] Six
    Okay.
[19:56] Iya
    Akatsuka-sensei, Akatsuka-sensei...
    Please watch over me so I succeed...
[20:00] Chibi
    Hey, guys...
[20:01] Chibi
    Make sure you pay really close
    attention to Iyami-sensei on stage.
[20:08] Voice
    And next, we have this man...
    The superstar from the Showa Era, Iyami!
[20:17] Iya
    Y-Yes, yes... Y-Yes, h-hello...
[20:24] ---
    Huh? It shouldn't be like this... Huh?
[20:27] Iya
    Huh? It shouldn't be like this... H-Huh?
[20:32] Iya
    H-Here's a little tidbit. I... I love
    department stores because I've got an overbite.
[20:45] Iya
    Sh-Sh... Sh-Sheeeh...
[20:54] Chibi
    See? Even if you understand how it works,
[20:56] Chibi
    if you can't actually do it,
    it makes no difference.
[20:58] Chibi
    If it were that easy, anyone could
    make a living with comedy.
[21:02] Chibi
    Conclusion: if you can, avoid this business!
[21:09] Oso
    Okay... Let's give up on comedy.
[21:12] Five
    Yeah, let's give up.
[21:13] Crowd
    Are you all right?!
[21:15] Crowd
    Get a hold of yourself!
[21:16] Crowd
    Call an ambulance!
[22:48] Oso
    Man, I've had enough of comedy.
[22:51] Choro
    I don't think comedy was for us, anyway.
[22:54] Kara
    We didn't have any luck.
[22:55] Todo
    Actually, what's gonna be in from now on is this!
SIGN    Yoyomatsu Voice Acting Academy
[23:00] Six
    Voice acting!
[23:01] Ichi
    Heh. Now I only need to use my voice.
[23:04] Jyu
    I have a feeling I can do this.
[23:05] Choro
    If you look even half-decent,
    you're considered hot.
[23:08] Todo
    We could probably keep our private
    lives even if we become famous.
[23:11] Oso
    It's, like, perfect in all sorts of ways.
[23:14] Five
    Yeah! Being a voice actor is perfect!
[23:17] Toto
    Hey.
[23:19] Six
    Ah! Totoko-chan!
[23:21] Toto
    You guys need to project from your bellies!
[23:24] Toto
    Dumbass!
[23:25] Toto
    Project...
[23:26] Toto
    From your...
[23:27] Toto
    Bellies!
[23:28] Toto
    Come on!
[23:31] Toto
    Don't underestimate professionals, damn it!
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Next Time on Osomatsu-san
SIGN    "Mahjong" "God Matsu"