E15 - Cosplaymatsu

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Kara
    I don't want this.
[01:36] Atsushi
    I'm done with this world!
[01:38] Choro
    Oh, dear. What should we do?
[01:40] Jyushi
    Hey, perfect timing.
[01:43] Choro
    Officer!
[01:44] Choro
    We've got a situation!
    Someone's about to jump!
[01:47] Jyushi
    Look! Right up there!
[01:50] Ichi
    Ah, nothing I can do about that.
[01:52] Both
    Huh?
[01:53] Choro
    Wait, wait! You need to stop him!
SIGN    Nothing I Can Do Police
[01:55] Jyushi
    He'll die if you don't!
[01:57] Ichi
    Nothing I can do.
[01:59] Choro
    Yes, there is!
[02:00] Jyushi
    Hurry! Use this!
[02:01] Ichi
    Uh...
[02:03] Ichi
    What?
[02:06] Ichi
    So, hey... You up there.
[02:08] Choro
    You're so quiet! Project!
[02:11] Ichi
    You there. Don't do anything stupid.
[02:13] Atsushi
    Shut up! I'm just going to end it all!
[02:15] Ichi
    Don't. It'll be a mess
    There'll be nothing we can do.
[02:19] Atsushi
    What do you mean?!
    As if you could understand my pain!
[02:22] Atsushi
    I feel all alone at work.
[02:25] Ichi
    For real? Well, nothing you can do,
    then. Go ahead and jump.
[02:28] All
    Huh?!
[02:29] Ichi
    Three, two, one...
[02:32] Choro
    Why are you counting down?!
    We're telling you to stop him!
[02:35] Ichi
    Nothing I can do.
[02:37] Choro
    Talk him out of it!
[02:38] Jyushi
    You're a police officer, aren't you?!
[02:39] Ichi
    Nothing I can do, I guess.
[02:47] Choro
    Why are you jumping instead?
[02:48] Ichi
    Nothing I can do.
[02:50] Jyushi
    What do you mean?!
[02:51] Ichi
    Nothing we can do.
[02:53] Choro
    Why are we all jumping?!
[02:55] Jyushi
    This is messed up! Let's not!
[02:56] Ichi
    Nothing we can do, though, right?
[02:59] Choro
    Forget it! Just stay out of this!
[03:02] Choro
    Hey, you!
[03:03] Choro
    We're all going through
    a rough time right now.
[03:05] Choro
    Buck up!
[03:07] Choro
    I'm sure you can do the
    same as everyone else.
[03:10] Choro
    Have more confidence in yourself!
[03:12] Ichi
    Shut up!
[03:14] Ichi
    It's because guys like you
    exist that I want to die!
[03:17] Ichi
    Everyone's the same? It's because
     nobody's the same that shit sucks!
[03:21] Ichi
    You go over the side.
[03:23] Choro
    What?!
[03:24] Ichi
    Die! Jump!
[03:25] Choro
    Stop!
[03:26] Ichi
    Nothing I can do, then.
[03:28] Ichi
    Guess I'll jump.
[03:29] Both
    Please don't!
[03:30] Ichi
    We can all go, then.
[03:31] Both
    Why?!
[03:38] Atsuhi
    Thank you very much.
[03:40] Atsushi
    You gave me something to live for.
[03:43] Ichi
    I didn't. There was just
    nothing I could do about it.
[03:46] Ichi
    You're the one who made this decision.
[03:53] Girl
    Atsushi-kun!
[03:55] Girl
    I was so worried!
[03:58] Ichi
    And who's this?
[04:01] Atsushi
    My girlfriend.
[04:04] Both
    Hey, hey, hey!
[04:05] Choro
    Nothing we can do about that!
[04:07] Jyushi
    Yeah!
[04:08] Both
    There's nothing we can do about it!
SIGN    End
SIGN    President of the Neighborhood Association
SIGN    The Earnest Old Guy
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
[04:14] Kara
    What?
SIGN    Maid
[04:16] Kara
    M-Maids? At an oden stand?
SIGN    The Hell?! Maid
[04:21] Kara
    Chibita?!
[04:23] Kara
    I know you lost business because of COVID,
    but I think you have the wrong idea!
[04:26] Chibi
    I'm glad ya done came home.
    The hell?! Master, you idjit!
[04:30] Kara
    He got that wrong in every way!
[04:32] Kara
    No maid talks like that!
[04:34] Chibi
    I'll be the one feedin' ya today.
[04:37] Chibi
    I'm the Rockheaded Meowytweet
    Moe-Moe Tweedledee Chibita.
SIGN    Maid in Oden
[04:41] Kara
    You probably don't need the "Rockheaded" part.
[04:43] Chibita
    Let's moe-moe kyun-kyun and heal together.
[04:46] Kara
    There's nothing healing
    about this. It hurts.
[04:48] Chibita
    Here's your menu!
[04:50] Chibita
    We have Meowy Meow Daikyun,
[04:51] Chibita
    Squee-Squee Eggies,
[04:53] Chibita
    Moe-Moe Kyonjac,
[04:54] Chibita
    Tweedledee Meowy Meow Beef Twendon,
[04:56] Chibita
    and Moe-Moe Doot-Do-Doo Meowy Meow
    Ota-Ota Kyun-Kyun Chikuwa-tan.
[05:00] Kara
    What did you even say? It all sounds gross.
SIGN    Karamatsu-tan I wuv, wuv, wuv you
[05:02] Kara
    I can't eat this! It's like a punishment!
[05:05] Chibita
    Now I'll put a spell on this drink
    to make it extra delicious.
[05:08] Chibita
    Master, please repeat after me.
[05:11] Kara
    What? You're making me participate
    in this hell, too? Seriously?
[05:15] Chibita
    The hell?
SIGN    Maid in Oden
[05:17] Kara
    What?
[05:18] Chibita
    The hell?
[05:19] Kara
    Th-Th-The hell?
[05:22] Chibi
    You idjit!
[05:22] Kara
    You idjit?
[05:24] Chibi
    Damn it!
[05:25] Kara
    The hell kind of spell is this?!
[05:26] Chibita
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[05:30] Chibi
    Moe, moe!
[05:31] Chibi
    Now, let's see what color
    your drink turned out to be!
[05:36] Chibi
    It's brown!
[05:37] Chibi
    It's oden soup!
[05:39] Chibi
    Moe, moe! Moe, moe!
[05:43] Kara
    He just jacked up his throat.
[05:45] Chibi
    Nothing says "maid café" like photo ops.
SIGN    Maid in Oden
[05:47] Kara
    I don't want one.
SIGN    Come again! Chibita
[05:49] Chibi
    Here you go, Master.
SIGN    Karamatsu
[05:51] Chibi
    Hand over 5,000 yen, you idjit.
[05:53] Kara
    Now you're scamming me?!
[05:55] Chibi
    Nothing says "maid café"
    like fun games to play!
[05:58] Chibi
    Kabu.
[06:00] Chibi
    InoShikaCho.
[06:03] Chibi
    Matching dice! Times three!
[06:04] Kara
    No maid would play these games!
[06:07] Chibi
    I'm going to sing!
[06:11] Chibi
    Eggs, konjac, daikon, chikuwabu!
SIGN    Karamatsu-tan I wuv, wuv, wuv you!
[06:17] Chibi
    Let's have some hot oden
[06:20] Chibi
    The hell?! You idjit! Damn it!
[06:22] Chibi
    It's okay if I'm small
[06:24] Chibi
    It's okay if I'm bald
[06:25] Chibi
    I'm still a maid at this stand
[06:29] Chibi
    Eggs, konjac, daikon, chikuwabu!
[06:30] Kara
    Chibita! Come back to us!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Moe Kyun
    Chibita
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
[06:35] Chibi
    Damn it!
SIGN    No Chance Trial
[06:39] Choro
    May I, Your Honor?
[06:42] Choro
    The defendant's rudeness
    is truly despicable.
[06:45] Choro
    He has no problem farting
    when others are around.
[06:48] Choro
    Even when we're eating!
[06:50] Choro
    He'll even raise his butt halfway up to do it.
[06:54] Choro
    There are times when he'll fart
    in your face as he walks by.
[06:58] Choro
    The prosecution demands payment
    of 100,000 yen in damages!
[07:03] Oso
    100,000 yen?!
SIGN    Objection!
[07:04] Kara
    Objection!
[07:05] Kara
    That's asking far too much!
[07:07] Kara
    We're talking about him doing this at home!
[07:09] Choro
    And he's bothering us!
[07:11] Choro
    He does this all the time!
[07:13] Kara
    It's just a physiological
    phenomena. He can't help it.
[07:15] Choro
    Your Honor, I ask for a fair deliberation.
[07:21] Todo
    Death.
[07:26] Choro
    Your Honor?
[07:27] Kara
    Please wait, Your Honor!
[07:29] Kara
    D-Death? Really?
[07:31] Todo
    Death.
[07:32] Kara
    Isn't that a bit harsh?
[07:33] Choro
    Even the prosecution isn't
    asking for that much.
[07:36] Todo
    Death.
[07:39] Oso
    I regret my actions!
[07:42] Oso
    I was a fool...
[07:44] Oso
    I took advantage of my family.
[07:46] Oso
    Please forgive me!
[07:48] Oso
    I'm so sorry!
[07:51] Choro
    Do you truly regret your actions?
[07:53] Oso
    Yes!
[07:54] Choro
    So you'll never fart again
    when you shouldn't?
[07:57] Oso
    I won't!
[07:59] Choro
    Your Honor.
[08:00] Choro
    It appears that the defendant
    truly does regret his actions,
[08:04] Choro
    so the prosecution would like
    to retract the accusation.
[08:10] Todo
    Death.
[08:10] Kara
    What?!
SIGN    Punishment
[08:12] Choro
    Your Honor...
[08:13] Kara
    Were you listening at all?
[08:15] Kara
    He retracted the accusation!
[08:17] Todo
    Death.
[08:18] Choro
    No, wait. The prosecution
    has forgiven him...
[08:21] Todo
    That's nice. But I'm never
    going to forgive him.
[08:24] Kara
    Wait, wait, wait. He clearly felt bad!
[08:27] Todo
    He's just saying that now.
[08:28] Todo
    He'll do it again.
[08:29] Todo
    Come on. People don't change that easily.
[08:33] Todo
    Trouble's always trouble.
[08:35] Todo
    "Did he really change? Is he all better?"
[08:38] Todo
    You get your hopes up, and we're the ones
[08:40] Todo
    who get hurt when he hasn't
    changed a damn bit, so...
[08:43] Todo
    Death!
[08:44] Kara
    We've called a witness!
[08:46] Todo
    A witness?
[08:46] Kara
    His family. Get in here!
[08:50] Ichi
    This is partially his family's fault for
    not being able to properly discipline him.
[08:54] Jyushi
    We're to blame, too.
[08:56] Ichi
    But he's not a total piece of shit.
[08:58] Jyushi
    He's fun to be around, so I hope you'll—
[09:01] Todo
    Death.
[09:02] Kara
    He wasn't done yet, Your Honor!
SIGN    Punishment
[09:04] Todo
    There are plenty of guys
[09:05] Todo
    who aren't total pieces of shit
    who are fun to be around.
[09:09] Todo
    There are plenty of people out there who
    are good, even if their families are shit.
[09:13] Todo
    Death.
[09:15] Todo
    Right. Let's make that sentence happen.
[09:16] Oso
    Wha? Wait! Hey!
[09:17] Choro
    You're carrying it out yourself?!
[09:19] Oso
    Please! Give me one more chance!
[09:21] Todo
    No chance.
[09:22] Oso
    One chance!
[09:22] Todo
    No chance.
[09:23] Oso
    One chance!
SIGN    Punishment
[09:26] Todo
    Do you really regret your actions?
[09:27] Oso
    Y-Yes! I promise never to randomly fart again!
[09:30] Oso
    I can change!
[09:33] Todo
    All right, fine.
[09:37] Todo
    Death.
[09:38] Oso
    What?!
[09:44] Choro
    I guess some people just can't let things go.
SIGN    End
[09:46] Kara
    I guess.
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
[09:54] Choro
    Hello! It's me, Choromatsu!
SIGN    Reborn as a Mosquito
[09:56] Choro
    I turned into a mosquito!
[09:58] Choro
    Buzz, buzz.
[10:01] Choro
    So how did I end up a mosquito, you ask?
[10:03] Choro
    Well, you see...
[10:05] (Flashback) Choro
    Aw, man. I just can't get popular.
[10:08] (Flashback) Choro
    I want to meet some girl and talk,
    hold hands, and go out on dates!
[10:15] (Flashback) Choro
    My sexual desires are just building up.
[10:19] (Flashback) Choro
    Huh?
[10:21] (Flashback) Choro
    Whoa! I turned into a mosquito!
[10:25] Choro
    Now I can suck the blood of
    as many cute girls as I want!
[10:29] Choro
    Slurp! Yummy!
[10:30] Choro
    Slurp! Yummy! Like that.
[10:34] Choro
    Are you guys creeped out? Because I sure am.
[10:37] Choro
    This is super creepy.
[10:39] Choro
    But I'm a mosquito, so what're you gonna do?
[10:43] Choro
    Buzz, buzz...
[10:45] Choro
    Oh, hey! It's Totoko-chan!
SIGN    Uochuu
[10:47] Choro
    Guess I'll have to get a taste
    of her naughty exposed legs!
[10:53] Choro
    Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz...
[10:58] Choro
    It's no use. I can't.
[11:00] Choro
    I just can't do it! The guilt...
[11:03] Choro
    I'm too nervous! I'm getting cold feet.
[11:06] Bad
    What the hell are you doing, Choromatsu? Go!
[11:08] Bad
    You're a perv, aren't you? Now go suck!
[11:11] Choro
    B-But...
[11:12] Bad
    You're supposed to suck. You're a mosquito.
[11:16] Choro
    True.
[11:17] Bad
    Now go suck!
[11:18] Choro
    I will!
[11:19] Choro
    Buzz...
[11:22] Choro
    I just can't do it...
[11:25] Choro
    Aw, Totoko-chan, wait up.
[11:28] Choro
    My precious exposed legs...
[11:30] Choro
    Damn it! Damn it all!
[11:34] Choro
    But I am a mosquito, so I want
    to suck up some blood.
[11:37] Choro
    Nothing else I can do.
[11:38] Choro
    I'll have to settle with him.
[11:41] ---
    Slurp...
[11:42] Choro
    This tastes like shit!
[11:47] Ichi
    Tch.
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mister
[11:54] Kids
    Mr. Osomatsu, let's play!
SIGN    Matsu
[12:00] Oso
    You brats again?
[12:02] Kids
    Mr. Osomatsu!
[12:03] Oso
    I told you guys not to come here.
[12:06] Oso
    I'm pretty dangerous, you know.
[12:08] Ichi
    Let's play, Mister.
[12:10] Todo
    Let's play!
[12:11] Oso
    Nope. Go home.
[12:13] Oso
    Your parents are gonna get mad.
[12:15] Oso
    At me, that is!
[12:19] Jyushi
    I brought these.
[12:21] Jyushi
    Pachinko balls.
[12:23] Oso
    All right, let's play.
[12:24] All
    Yay!
[12:28] Choro
    What should we play today, Mr. Osomatsu?
[12:30] Kara
    I wanna see a picture card show!
[12:32] Oso
    A picture card show?
    That's a pain in the ass.
[12:37] Oso
    All right, let's do this.
[12:38] All
    Yay!
SIGN    The Tortoise and the Hare
[12:41] Oso
    Well, here we go.
    "The Tortoise and the Hare."
[12:43] Kids
    Yay!
[12:45] Oso
    Once upon a time, there was
    a tortoise and a hare.
[12:48] Hare
    Let's race to the top of that mountain!
[12:52] Oso
    The hare was fast.
[12:53] Oso
    The tortoise was slow.
[12:55] Oso
    Their difference in skill was apparent.
SIGN    However!
[12:58] Oso
    However!
[13:00] Oso
    The hare took his skills for
    granted and slacked off.
[13:03] Oso
    Meanwhile, the tortoise just kept
    working hard, slowly and steadily.
[13:07] Oso
    He eventually caught up with the hare,
SIGN    Would you believe it?!
[13:09] Oso
    and would you believe it?!
SIGN    Goal
[13:10] Oso
    The one who reached the finish
    line first was the tortoise!
[13:13] Jyushi
    The tortoise is awesome!
[13:14] Ichi
    So cool...
[13:16] Todo
    He's so great.
[13:17] Oso
    However...
SIGN    Goal
[13:19] Oso
    The place that the tortoise thought was
    the goal was not actually the goal.
SIGN    Nope
[13:23] Oso
    His journey down the road
    of life still continued on.
SIGN    Life
[13:26] Oso
    The tortoise was quite tired,
    but he continued running anyway.
[13:31] Oso
    And then the hare,
[13:32] Oso
    who had reflected on his actions,
    came flying by at incredible speed.
[13:37] Oso
    The hare was on a roll and
    thought he was number one,
[13:41] Oso
    but then he saw the shadows of the
    amazing ones in front of him.
[13:45] Oso
    That's right.
[13:46] Oso
    The true hares who were always modest,
    never slacked, and always worked hard.
SIGN    The Real Deal
[13:51] Oso
    Society is actually filled
    with these assholes.
[13:53] Oso
    They're all amazing.
    You just can't beat them.
[13:55] Oso
    And in front of the true hare was a cheetah.
[14:00] Oso
    And in front of him was a true cheetah.
[14:03] Oso
    And in front of him was something that
    was born with wings and could fly.
[14:08] Oso
    And in front of him were even
    more truly amazing runners.
[14:11] Oso
    No one actually knew who
    was in front anymore.
[14:15] Oso
    They're too powerful.
[14:17] Oso
    There are too many people above you.
[14:19] Oso
    After the tortoise found out how
    society worked, he thought...
[14:23] Oso
    "So this is the difference in talent?
     No amount of hard work is going to fix this."
[14:27] Oso
    "All right. I'm done competing with others."
[14:32] Oso
    "I'm out."
[14:34] Oso
    That's when the tortoise discovered alcohol,
SIGN    Tortoise Tales
[14:36] Oso
    he got hooked on gambling,
[14:37] Oso
    his wife left him,
[14:38] Oso
    he struggled paying child support,
SIGN    Balance
SIGN    Turtle Tortoise Bank
[14:40] Oso
    he ended up in a ton of debt, and...
[14:43] Oso
    So, who could this tortoise be?
[14:46] Oso
    The answer is...
[14:49] Oso
    It's me!
[15:01] Kara
    Are you crying, Mister?
[15:05] Choro
    Mister?
SIGN    End
[15:19] All
    Mister!
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    I Do What I Want Bartender
[15:27] Ichi
    I'm beat.
[15:29] Todo
    I just have to have a drink.
[15:31] Kara
    Welcome, ladies.
[15:36] Kara
    I'll take your orders whenever you're ready.
[15:39] Todo
    Oh, I'll take a draft beer.
[15:40] Ichi
    I'll have a highball.
[15:41] Kara
    Huh?
[15:44] Kara
    Uh, sure. You got it.
[15:48] Ichi
    I wonder what that was about.
[15:50] Todo
    Yeah.
[16:04] Kara
    Sorry to keep you waiting. Here are
    your Karamatsu original cocktails,
[16:08] Kara
    "I Love You" and "Oh, My Little Gir."
[16:11] Todo
    That's not what we ordered.
[16:12] Kara
    Huh?
[16:13] Ichi
    I asked for a highball.
[16:15] Todo
    I asked for a draft beer.
[16:15] Kara
    You really just want a draft beer?
[16:18] Todo
    What? That's why I asked for one.
[16:20] Kara
    Seriously? A highball?
[16:21] Ichi
    What?
[16:23] Kara
    Okay, I guess.
[16:29] Todo
    Uh, that's clearly not a draft beer!
[16:32] Todo
    Why are you looking over here?
[16:34] Ichi
    Stop looking over here.
[16:36] Kara
    Thank you for waiting. I've created the
    perfect cocktails for you beautiful ladies.
[16:40] Kara
    Dog Drool and Cat Shit.
[16:43] Kara
    And here's the perfect cocktail for me:
[16:46] Kara
    "Who Is the Perfect Nice Guy?
    Yes, Karamatsu Clinic."
[16:51] Kara
    What? For me? You shouldn't have.
[16:55] Both
    Hold it!
[16:56] Todo
    Draft beer!
[16:57] Ichi
    Highball!
[16:58] Todo
    And why is your drink obviously
    better than ours?!
[17:01] Todo
    How much does that cost?!
[17:03] Todo
    Don't drink it!
[17:05] Ichi
    You're totally serving customers
    what you want to serve them
[17:08] Ichi
    rather than making what
    they ordered, aren't you?
[17:10] Kara
    Gulp!
[17:10] Ichi
    That's not good. Serve what
    your customers ask for.
[17:13] Todo
    A draft beer.
[17:14] Ichi
    A highball, please.
[17:16] Kara
    Coming right up.
[17:20] Kara
    Damn it!
[17:21] Kara
    Who the hell orders a draft
    beer and a highball?!
[17:24] Kara
    I can make drinks that are even
    better and more delicious!
[17:26] Kara
    They're totally better!
[17:28] Todo
    Uh, we can hear you.
[17:29] Kara
    But what can you do, Karamatsu?
    This is your job, Karamatsu.
[17:33] Kara
    Grow up, Karamatsu!
    You've got this, Karamatsu!
[17:35] Kara
    Don't let them get you down, Karamatsu!
[17:37] Ichi
    How many times are you
    going to say your name?
[17:48] Kara
    Nope!
[17:49] Both
    What?!
[17:54] Kara
    Sorry to keep you waiting!
     Here's my ultimate masterpiece...
[17:57] Kara
    "The Karamatsu Mountain!"
[18:01] Kara
    Huh? No one's here. Well, whatever.
[18:04] Kara
    This is great! The best!
    So fancy! Great taste!
[18:10] Kara
    Thanks for the drinks! I'll come back again!
SIGN    End
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
SIGN    A Restaurant Filled with Mysteries
[18:17] Oso
    Man, I'm starving.
[18:19] Oso
    Why don't we grab a bite around here?
[18:21] Choro
    Sure.
[18:22] Oso
    Wait, was this place always here?
[18:25] Choro
    Nope. I've never seen it before.
[18:28] Oso
    What language is this supposed to be?
[18:30] Choro
    There sure are a lot of restaurants
    serving some niche country's food.
[18:34] Oso
    Wanna go in?
[18:35] Choro
    Sure.
[18:39] Oso
    What country is this?
[18:40] Choro
    I have no idea.
[18:42] Jyushi
    Welcome, please!
[18:45] Oso
    Holy shit! That sure is a look!
[18:47] Choro
    What country are you from?
[18:48] Jyushi
    Who farted?
[18:51] Both
    Huh?
[18:52] Jyushi
    Who farted?
[18:55] Both
    What?
[18:56] Jyushi
    Oh, mistake. I'm sorry.
[18:59] Jyushi
    Japanese is hard.
[19:01] Jyushi
    For two?
[19:03] Choro
    What kind of mistake is that?
[19:04] Oso
    Yeah, for two.
[19:06] Jyushi
    No pants, no problem?
[19:09] Both
    What?
[19:10] Jyushi
    No pants, no problem?
[19:12] Both
    Say what?
[19:15] Jyushi
    Mistake again.
[19:16] Jyushi
    I'm sorry.
[19:18] Jyushi
    Have a seat wherever you like.
[19:20] Choro
    Seriously, what kind of mistake is that?
[19:27] Oso
    I can't read this at all.
[19:29] Choro
    Here, let's ask.
[19:30] Choro
    Um, excuse me.
[19:34] Choro
    Sorry to bug you while you're meditating.
[19:38] Jyushi
    Who farted?
[19:39] Oso
    You've got it wrong again.
[19:40] Jyushi
    No pants, no problem?
[19:42] Oso
    Just stop.
[19:43] Choro
    What country's food does
    this restaurant serve?
[19:48] Jyushi
    Jyushimatsu.
[19:50] Both
    Jyushimatsu?
[19:51] Oso
    Wait, have you ever heard of that country?
[19:53] Choro
    I definitely haven't.
[19:54] Oso
    Where's Jyushimatsu located?
[19:56] Jyushi
    You know where Nepal is?
[19:58] Oso
    Nepal... Sure.
[20:00] Jyushi
    Turn your back on Nepal,
[20:02] Jyushi
    and if you keep going straight, you're gonna
    run into the freeway, so take a right.
[20:06] Jyushi
    Then you're going to take a
    left at the second light...
[20:09] Both
    That's not helping.
[20:10] Choro
    You can't just use freeways and signals
    to describe where a country is.
[20:14] Jyushi
    The back side of the Himalayas.
[20:15] Choro
    The back side? What?
[20:16] Jyushi
    The opposite side of the road.
[20:18] Choro
    Wait, what?
[20:19] Oso
    Just tell us straight-up.
[20:23] Jyushi
    I can't give you the details.
[20:25] Jyushi
    Jyushimatsu is a very dangerous country.
[20:28] Oso
    Really?
[20:29] Jyushi
    It's a country filled with crime.
[20:31] Both
    What?
[20:32] Jyushi
    Never go there for vacation!
[20:34] Jyushi
    You'll never make it back alive!
[20:38] Jyushi
    Abah.
[20:41] Jyushi
    Is Jyushimatsu joke.
[20:44] Choro
    Where were we supposed to laugh?
[20:46] Oso
    I'm pretty hungry. Do you
    have any recommendations?
[20:49] Jyushi
    No recommendations.
[20:51] Oso
    Really?
[20:52] Jyushi
    All Jyushimatsu food is good food.
[20:55] Jyushi
    No famous dish and inedible
    to Japanese people.
[20:58] Choro
    Why'd you start a restaurant here, then?
[21:00] Jyushi
    Abah.
[21:02] Jyushi
    Is Jyushimatsu joke.
[21:05] Choro
    Tch.
[21:06] Oso
    Let's just order already.
[21:08] Oso
    Could you at least explain
    what the dishes are?
[21:11] Oso
    What's this?
[21:12] Jyushi
    That's uishomakkepoa.
[21:16] Oso
    Sorry, say that again?
[21:17] Jyushi
    Seishingalpakun.
[21:19] Oso
    You just changed it. This one right here.
[21:22] Jyushi
    Diskunofpakosuna.
[21:23] Oso
    Why does it keep changing?!
[21:25] Choro
    What kind of food is this?
[21:28] Jyushi
    Sheep's butthole.
[21:29] Both
    Hole?
[21:31] Choro
    What do you mean, hole?
    We're getting a hole?
[21:34] Oso
    What about this?
[21:34] Jyushi
    Sardine butthole.
[21:36] Jyushi
    Alligator nostril.
[21:38] Jyushi
    Pig earhole.
[21:40] Oso
    Are there only holes in this restaurant?
[21:43] Jyushi
    Yes, holes.
[21:46] Both
    They're actually holes.
[21:50] Jyushi
    Sirs, we're about to close up shop.
[21:53] Both
    What?!
[21:55] Oso
    But we haven't even eaten anything yet!
[21:56] Choro
    You're closing already?
    It's still lunchtime.
[22:01] Jyushi
    No come back again! I kill you!
[22:06] Both
    What...
SIGN    End
SIGN    Next time on
SIGN    Mr. Osomatsu
[23:39] Ichi
    Next time, we have "Nanmaider."
[23:41] Ichi
    Whenever something goes wrong,
    it's because of aliens.
[23:44] Ichi
    Thinking that really helps me sleep at night.
[23:47] Ichi
    Ah, I'm starting to feel good.
SIGN    "Nanmaider Attacks" etc.
[23:50] Ichi
    Yeah, here it comes.