E6 - It's a Birthday Party, Dajo / Iyami's Great Discovery

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[00:00] Oso
    I...
[00:02] Kara
    I...
[00:03] Jyu
    I...
[00:04] Jyu
    I...
[00:05] Four
    I...
[00:06] Four
    ...am so bored.
SIGN    "It's a Birthday Party, Dajo"
[00:18] Mom
    Hello, my NEETs. There's a letter for you.
[00:21] Choro
    Letter?
[00:22] Choro
    Damn, the handwriting is terrible.
[00:24] Choro
    What does this even say?
[00:25] Jyu
    Oh, it's from Hatabou.
[00:27] Choro
    You can read this, Jyushimatsu?
[00:29] Jyu
    No, but it smells like Hatabou.
[00:32] Choro
    "I'm... having a... birthday... party, jo."
[00:41] Oso
    A birthday party? Hatabou's?
[00:44] Choro
    Sounds like it. Wanna go?
[00:46] Kara
    There's no need.
[00:48] Kara
    Because every day in this world...
[00:51] Kara
    is someone's birthday.
[00:52] Todo
    By the way, where's Hatabou
    living right now, anyway?
[00:57] Todo
    In the attic?
[00:58] Todo
    Under the floor?
[00:59] Todo
    The sewer?
[01:00] Choro
    Uh, he's not a rat.
[01:03] Choro
    But his private life has
    always been a mystery.
[01:06] Ichi
    He's an adult by now too, though...
[01:20] Six
    Wh-What?
[01:22] Six
    What?!
[01:24] Choro
    Why does it look like he's
    living like a billionaire?!
[01:26] Choro
    What the hell is Hatabou now?!
[01:28] Oso
    A celebrity? A legend?
[01:31] Oso
    A living national treasure?
[01:32] Ichi
    Crap... It's the hellish pattern
    where the guy we ignored as kids
[01:36] Ichi
    makes it big as an adult,
[01:38] Ichi
    and now the roles have reversed and
    he's out to get his revenge on us...
[01:42] Todo
    Quit with the suspenseful
    delusions, Darkmatsu-niisan.
[01:45] Old
    Oh, my...
[01:47] Old
    I sincerely apologize for
    keeping you all waiting.
[01:52] Six
    What?!
[01:53] Six
    They all have flags stuck in
    their heads? What the hell?
[01:56] Old
    My good fellows, how are
    your flags doing today?
[02:01] Choro
    Huh? Uh... We don't have flags.
[02:07] Old
    You don't have flags?!
    Oh, you must be joking!
[02:10] Three
    Flag, flag, flag, flag...
[02:11] Choro
    What the hell is with that laugh?!
[02:13] Choro
    It's super creepy!
[02:15] Old
    Pardon. We would like to thank you for
    attending Mr. Flag's birthday party today,
[02:20] Old
    from the bottom of our hearts.
[02:22] Choro
    Who the hell is Mr. Flag?
    Does he mean Hatabou?
[02:25] Old
    I'm sure that Mr. Flag is simply flagging
    with excitement to see you all again.
[02:33] Guy
    He has indeed gone flag-out with this party.
[02:36] Lady
    Please let your inner flags fly.
[02:39] Choro
    I have no idea what they're saying!
    What the hell is an inner flag?!
[02:42] Kara
    All right. However...
[02:45] Kara
    You better not flag on our parade.
[02:47] Old
    Please wait here for a bit longer.
[02:49] Jyu
    U-Um...
[02:52] Jyu
    Where's the bathroom?
[02:53] Old
    My dear Ichimatsu-sama.
    I shall show you the wa—
[02:56] Jyu
    Oh, I'm Jyushimatsu.
[02:59] Old
    I-I'm terribly sorr—
[03:03] Six
    What?!
[03:07] Guy
    How dare you mistake the names of Mr. Flag's
    friends? You shall pay with your death.
[03:12] Lady
    Vermin.
[03:16] Guy
    Now then, Jyushimatsu-sama.
    I shall show you the way.
[03:19] Kara
    Oh, I'm Karamatsu.
[03:23] Six
    What?!
[03:26] Ady
    Now then, Jyushimatsu-sama.
    I shall show you the way.
[03:30] Jyu
    No... I don't need to go anymore.
[03:35] Six
    Why?!
[03:44] Guy
    What? The Master's friends have disappeared?
[03:46] Guy
    Find them at once!
SIGN    Boss
[03:51] Oso
    Creepy! This is super creepy!
[03:53] Choro
    What's going on with Hatabou?
[03:55] Choro
    What happened to him?!
[03:56] Todo
    We can think about that later!
[03:58] Todo
    For now, let's just run!
[04:00] Hata
    Huh?
[04:02] Hata
    What's the matter, jo?
[04:04] All
    Hatabou!
[04:07] Hata
    Yay, jo!
[04:09] Hata
    Everyone came, jo! I'm so happy, jo!
[04:13] Oso
    Oh... It looks like Hatabou
    himself hasn't changed at all.
[04:13] Hata
    So happy, jo! So happy, jo! So happy,jo!
[04:16] Todo
    Man, I'm exhausted.
[04:19] Choro
    But seriously, Hatabou...
    How did you get this rich?
[04:24] Hata
    Uh...
[04:26] Hata
    I dunno, jo.
[04:27] Choro
    Er, you don't know?
[04:29] Guy
    Mr. Flag, you have a call from the president.
[04:33] Choro
    President?
[04:35] Obama
    Hi, Mr. Flag.
[04:36] Choro
    Obama?!
[04:37] Obama
    We are facing a serious economic
    crisis. Do you have any advice?
[04:42] Choro
    Wait, Hatabou understands English?!
[04:44] Hata
    Jo!
[04:46] Hata
    American hot dogs, jo!
[04:51] Obama
    American... hot dogs...
[04:54] Obama
    Oh, fantastic!
[04:55] Obama
    Amazing! Genius!
[04:58] Guy
    A consulting fee of 500 million has been
    transferred to your account, sir.
[05:02] Hata
    Yay, more money, jo!
[05:04] Choro
    Wait, Hatabou got rich doing this?!
[05:06] Choro
    What is your job?!
[05:09] Hata
    Selling information.
[05:11] Choro
    Uh, all you said was "American hot dogs."
SIGN    Mr. Flag's Birthday
SIGN    Mr. Flag
[05:20] Hata
    I'm so happy, jo.
[05:36] Hata
    Jo!
[05:44] Person
    Hello, I'm Tachi Hiroo.
[05:57] Oso
    Seriously, what the hell?!
[05:58] Oso
    I have no idea what's going on!
[06:00] Kara
    Why pole dancers?
[06:02] Choro
    Why horseback archery?
[06:03] Ichi
    When did he become friends with Tachi?
[06:05] Todo
    And there wasn't a single event involving flags...
[06:08] Hata
    That was so much fun, jo!
[06:09] Six
    Hatabou!
[06:10] Hata
    Today was the best day ever because
    I got to see you all again, jo.
[06:15] Choro
    Hatabou, um, we're gonna head home, okay?
[06:20] Hata
    Aw, I'll miss you... But come over
    whenever you want, jo.
[06:24] Choro
    Uh, I'm not sure about that...
[06:27] Oso
    Do you have a sec?
[06:29] Oso
    Hey, I have something I want to ask you.
[06:31] Hata
    What is it, jo?
[06:33] Oso
    It doesn't have to be much...
    But could you give me some money?
[06:37] Hata
    Money?
[06:38] Hata
    Sure.
[06:39] Oso
    Really?!
[06:40] Choro
    Hey!
[06:41] Choro
    What were you just talking about?
[06:45] Choro
    Jyushimatsu. Octopus hold.
[06:47] Oso
    W-Wait a minute!
[06:50] Choro
    Pay attention to the conversation!
[06:51] Jyu
    Huh?
[06:53] Todo
    But seriously, Osomatsu-niisan,
    I couldn't believe my ears.
[06:57] Todo
    How do you come up with such ingenious ideas?
[07:00] Choro
    You're complimenting him?!
[07:05] Hata
    You can have as much as you'd like, jo!
[07:07] Six
    What?!
[07:08] Hata
    How much do you want?
[07:09] Hata
    A hundred million? A billion?
[07:11] Oso
    U-Uh, then... About a million?
[07:15] Hata
    You don't need to hold back, jo.
[07:22] Choro
    That's enough!
[07:26] Horo
    Seriously, guys, stop this!
[07:27] Choro
    You too, Hatabou! You can't
    just randomly give out money!
[07:31] Choro
    That's not what friendship is!
[07:33] Hata
    I-I'm sorry, jo...
[07:36] Oso
    Hey, how dare you say that to Cashcowbou?
[07:39] Choro
    His name isn't Cashcowbou!
[07:40] Oso
    He said we could take it!
[07:42] Choro
    No!
[07:43] Oso
    Why?
[07:44] Choro
    No means no!
[07:46] Oso
    Then you can be the only one to take nothing!
[07:48] Choro
    That's not the issue here!
[07:57] Hata
    Stop fighting, jo! Let's all get along, jo!
[08:01] Oso
    Hatabou...
[08:04] Todo
    Hey, I have a good idea.
[08:07] Todo
    Say, Hatabou. We're actually unemployed
    right now, so could you give us jobs?
[08:13] Todo
    We'll all work at your place,
    and then you can pay us.
[08:17] Hata
    Jo! Sure, jo!
[08:20] Hata
    You'll be my employees, jo!
    We'll all be friends, jo!
[08:25] Kara
    So we're gonna have to work here...
    I guess we had to raise the white flag.
[08:31] Guy
    We here at Flag Corporation do
    not have tests or interviews.
[08:36] Guy
    There is only one requirement to be hired...
[08:39] Guy
    That is the flag.
[08:42] Hata
    Here we go, jo.
[08:43] Todo
    Whoa! Wait a second!
[08:46] Hata
    Jo?
[08:47] Todo
    You're gonna jab those in?
[08:48] Hata
    Yup, jo.
[08:49] Todo
    Into our heads?
[08:50] Hata
    What's the matter, jo?
[08:53] Hata
    You're my friends, jo...
[08:55] Oso
    Listen... It would kinda hurt to have
    those jabbed into our heads, so...
[08:59] Oso
    How about our asses?
[09:00] Oso
    I think we could handle that thickness...
[09:05] Hata
    Sure, jo.
[09:08] Choro
    If this will get us a job...
[09:10] Ichi
    If it's only that thick...
[09:12] Oso
    It's not a problem.
[09:13] Hata
    All right, let's bring out the ass-sized flags, jo.
[09:16] ---
    Ass-sized?
[09:20] Guy
    Here are your ass-sized flags, sir.
[09:26] Six
    Huh?
[09:27] Hata
    Now we're really friends, jo!
[09:29] Oso
    Um, actually...
[09:36] Jyu
    Wahoo!
[09:39] Six
    A pleasure working with you, Mr. Flag!
SIGN    "Iyami's Great Discovery"
[09:45] Son
    Hey, Dad.
[09:48] Son
    I want to be able to throw the ball faster!
[09:52] Dad
    All right. Then we'll have to practice every day.
[09:56] Son
    Yeah!
[10:05] Nar
    His name is Iyami.
[10:07] Nar
    He has no permanent address,
    and is unemployed after losing his job.
[10:11] Iyami
    This is strange. Why is me living like
    this when I just came back from France?
[10:16] Nar
    He says this rather often, but has
    never actually been to France.
[10:23] Ann
    And they're entering the
    final corner neck-and-neck!
[10:26] Iyami
    Go, Deep Implant!
[10:28] Oso
    Don't lose, Mejiro MatsuQueen!
[10:30] Ann
    Uh-oh! Looks like Deep
    Implant has taken the lead!
[10:33] Ann
    He's moving at tremendous speed!
    He's at least twenty lengths ahead!
[10:38] Iyami
    Me is going to win!
[10:43] Ann
    Oh, no! He was going so fast,
    he exceeded time and space!
[10:47] Ann
    He didn't cross the finish line!
[10:48] Ann
    You never know what will happen
    until the very end at the races!
[10:50] Ann
    Talk about scary!
[10:52] Ann
    And so the winner is Mejiro MatsuQueen!
[10:54] Oso
    All right!
[10:56] Oso
    Iyami, you're not supposed to pick a
    horse that exceeds time and space.
[11:02] Ann
    And they're approaching the goal neck-and-neck!
[11:05] Iyami
    You better win this time,
    Front Teeth Top Gun!
[11:07] Oso
    Don't lose, Matsuda Brian!
[11:10] Ann
    And Front Teeth Top Gun takes the lead!
[11:13] Ann
    He's moving at tremendous speed,
[11:14] Ann
    and doesn't look like he'll
    exceed time and space!
[11:18] Iyami
    Me is finally going to win!
[11:21] Ann
    Oh, no!
[11:22] Ann
    The horse exploded and
    didn't cross the finish line!
[11:24] Ann
    This is what makes the races so scary!
SIGN    Results
[11:26] Ann
    Matsuda Brian is the winner!
[11:28] Oso
    All right!
[11:30] Oso
    Come on, Iyami. You can't
    pick exploding horses.
[11:33] Iyami
    Exploding horses?
[11:36] Ann
    And they're going into (etc.)!
[11:38] Iyamim
    This is our last chance, Oguri Overbite!
[11:41] Oso
    I'm starting to feel really bad for him, so win!
[11:44] Ann
    And Oguri Overbite takes the lead!
[11:45] Both
    Yes!
[11:46] Ann
    He's fast! So fast! Will he make it?!
[11:48] Ann
    Is nothing going to happen?!
[11:50] Ann
    Look at that! He's crossed the finish line!
[11:52] Ann
    The winner is Oguri Overbite!
    Congratulations, Iyami-kun!
[11:56] Iyami
    Yay!
[11:58] Iyami
    Now I'm one step closer to France!
[12:02] An
    Er, one moment, please.
    Looks like the judges are deliberating.
SIGN    Deliberation
[12:08] Ann
    So, concerning this last race and
    Oguri Overbite, the first to finish...
[12:12] Ann
    As he is a centaur, he will be disqualified.
[12:14] Ann
    Would you look at that! This is
    what real horse racing is, folks!
[12:19] Oso
    Iyami... Here, have some stew and cheer u—
[12:24] Oso
    Hot!
[12:25] Oso
    What was that for?
[12:26] Iyami
    Instead of giving me that,
    give me your betting ticket!
[12:30] Oso
    Whoa! Hey! Stop that!
[12:32] Iyami
    Give it to me, you stupid stewhead!
[12:33] Oso
    Stupid stewhead?!
[12:34] Oso
    You can make fun of me all you want,
    but don't you dare insult the stew!
[12:37] Hata
    I'm back, jo.
[12:39] Oso
    Huh? Hatabou, why are you dressed like that?
[12:42] Hata
    I was told to do the hundred-times
    shrine pilgrimage
[12:44] Hata
    so Iyami would win at the races, jo.
[12:47] Oso
    What the hell did you make Mr. Flag do?
[12:50] Iyami
    You worthless piece of crap! Not only
    was me not blessed, but now me is broke!
[12:54] Oso
    Stop that!
[12:56] Iyami
    Don't take the alcohol!
[12:59] Iyami
    Me was saving that last little bit!
SIGN    Akatsuka City Hall
SIGN    General Affairs
[13:06] Guy
    What brings you here today?
[13:08] Iyami
    You should make us this
    city's image characters.
[13:11] Guy
    Huh?
[13:12] Iyami
    You can hire us right now for a mere one million.
[13:15] Iyam
    Lucky you.
[13:16] Guy
    Uh, who are you?
[13:18] Iyami
    A-Are you saying you don't know me?
[13:20] Guy
    Not at all.
[13:22] Iyami
    You clearly don't know anything.
[13:25] Iyami
    Consider yourself lucky. Dayon, do the thing.
[13:30] Dayon
    Dayon!
[13:35] Iyami
    And now, the perfect gag to do when
    you've been surprised like this...
[13:39] Iyami
    Yes!
[13:40] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[13:43] Iyami
    This gag has been mimicked by
    Ou, Nagashima, the Beatles,
[13:45] Iyami
    Godzilla, and even Tanaka Kunie!
    It's renowned nationwide!
[13:54] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[14:00] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[14:06] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[14:11] Dayon
    Yuck! Iyami, your sock smells gross!
[14:12] Dayon
    That reeks!
[14:17] Guy
    What kind of image do you
    want our city to have?!
[14:23] Iyami
    M-Me is so hungry... Me feels sick...
[14:33] Chibi
    Whoops. What a waste, idjit, damn it!
[14:37] Chii
    You want it?
[14:39] Chibi
    Oh, fine. It's yours, damn it.
[14:41] Iyami
    Hold it!
[14:44] Chibi
    Iyami?
[14:48] Chibi
    Hey, cut it out. It's just an
    egg that fell on the ground.
[14:51] Iyami
    It's mine!
[14:57] Chibi
    What the hell is this battle?
[14:58] Chibi
    Well, I guess the oden I make is just that good.
[15:07] Chibi
    Guess I don't have a choice.
    I'll make you a new ba—
[15:11] Chibi
    What?!
[15:16] Iyami
    Me wins!
[15:19] Iyami
    Down the hatch!
[15:31] Chibi
    That's a rock!
[15:35] Iyami
    My tooth... My tooth... My tooth!
[15:41] Iyami
    Wh-What did me...
[15:46] Chibi
    A man who's lost his pride is done for.
[16:02] Deka
    No need to worry. I'll stick it right back on.
SIGN    Hope
[16:06] Iyami
    Me has nothing left... No house, money, luck...
[16:11] Iyami
    Me is finished.
[16:15] Deka
    Th-This is...
[16:21] Deka
    There's no doubt about it...
[16:23] Deka
    Iyami's tooth... is a rare metal!
[16:27] Iyami
    Rare metal...
[16:30] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
[16:32] Iyami
    Me still had my teeth!
[16:35] Guy
    Professor, you've discovered a new
    rare metal. How much is it worth?
[16:39] Deka
    I'd say about ten billion.
[16:42] Deka
    Because this is both lithium and vanadium,
[16:45] Deka
    and it has all the elements that
    make it a perfect rare metal.
[16:50] Deka
    It can be used for LEDs,
[16:53] Deka
    IPS cells...
[16:55] Deka
    and even Chinese herbal medicine.
[16:57] Deka
    That is the rare metal that Iyami
    produced, which we have named...
[17:01] Deka
    Iyametal.
SIGN    Iyametal
[17:06] Guy
    Hey, you've gotten a little faster.
[17:08] Son
    Really?!
[17:09] Guy
    You've got talent, Takashi.
[17:11] Son
    Really?!
[17:14] Guy
    Iyami-san!
[17:14] Guy
    Look this way, Iyami-san!
[17:17] Iyami
    If you want to see my Iyametal,
    it'll cost you 300 yen each.
[17:22] Guy
    Huh? But we can already see it.
[17:24] Iyami
    Sheeeh!
SIGN    The Discovery of the Century!!
SIGN    Iyametal Will Change the World
SIGN    Shocking Iyametal
[17:30] [Messenger] Grey
    Iyametal Phones Get Great Reception!
[17:34] [Messenger] Red
    Iyametal Drivers!!! The Balls Fly Far!!!
[17:38] [Messenger] Yellow
    Iyametal Energy Drink!!! Live a Longer Life!
[17:41] Tetsu
    Hello, everyone. Today's guest is the
    currently very popular Iyami-san.
[17:46] Tetsu
    May I touch your teeth?
[17:50] Tetsu
    I don't really get it.
[17:51] Iya
    Sheeeh!
[17:52] Tetsu
    I see.
SIGN    Look at Me
SIGN    Iyami
SIGN    I Love You
SIGN    I Love You
SIGN    Those who buy 10 CDs may participate in the teeth-and-greet.
[17:57] Iyami
    Me has gone beyond my old status.
SIGN    Best Sheanist
[18:03] Guy
    Iyami-sama, we have bought
    up all of the boxed sake.
[18:06] Iyami
    And don't forget the stew.
[18:08] Guy
    As you wish.
[18:10] Oso
    Wow, Iyami. Hey, give me some of your stew.
[18:14] Iya
    Call me Iyami-sama, and speak
    properly when addressing me.
[18:17] Oso
    Huh?
[18:18] Chibi
    Iyami, buy up my oden, too.
[18:20] Iyami
    Oden? That sounds terrible.
[18:23] Chibi
    What'd you just say, damn it?!
[18:24] Dayon
    You should put me on TV as your friend.
[18:27] Iyami
    You're not my friend, so nope.
[18:29] Dayon
    You're so mean!
[18:34] Iyami
    I've got my eyes on the world now!
[18:41] Guy
    Iyami-sama.
[18:42] Iyami
    Me is eating right now.
[18:44] Guy
    You have a message from
    the President of France.
[18:47] Iyami
    President of France?
[18:48] Guy
    He says if you provide France with Iyametal,
    he'll grant you permanent residence.
[18:54] Iyami
    Eh? What?!
[18:57] Guy
    What would you like to do?
[18:58] Iyami
    O-Of course that's okay!
[19:00] Guy
    Very well. I shall tell the President that
    you will be heading to France tomorrow.
[19:04] Iyami
    Th-The time has finally come.
[19:07] Iyami
    It's been so long... I've used
    up so much of my teeth...
[19:12] Iyami
    I only have one left.
[19:14] Iyami
    But as long as I have this, I can go
    to France... No, I can live there!
[19:19] Son
    Here I go, Dad!
[19:21] Dad
    All right. Show me what all
    that practice has done for you.
[19:58] Iyai
    Feeeh!
[20:00] Iyami
    My chance to live in France forever!
[20:03] Iymi
    M-Me has to hide this!
[20:07] Iymi
    This'll never work!
[20:10] Iyami
    This won't work, either!
[20:13] Iyami
    Not this, either!
SIGN    Charles de Gaulle Airport
[20:32] Prez
    Monsieur Iyami.
[20:36] Prez
    Please show me your teeth. Je t'aime.
[20:40] Iyami
    Er, well... Me sort of has a cold...
[20:42] Rez
    Je t'aime!
[20:45] Guy
    Hey, that's not Iyametal!
    They're just wooden blocks!
[20:53] Prez
    Je t'aime!
[20:58] Iyami
    President! Th-There's a reason for this...
[21:04] Iyami
    Feeeh!
SIGN    Iyametal Supplies Depleted
SIGN    Mankind's Dreams Vanish
SIGN    Con Artist Iyami
[21:17] Oso
    Iyami.
[21:20] Hata
    Iyami, I went on another hundred-time
    shrine pilgrimage for you, jo.
[21:24] Hata
    So something good should happen, jo.
[21:27] Iyami
    Shut up!
[21:28] Oso
    Hey, that wasn't necessary!
[21:32] Iyami
    That hurt! How dare you do that to me
    when me just came back from France...
[21:37] Iyami
    M-My teeth grew back! Me has teeth!
[21:40] Oso
    Oh, I get it!
[21:42] Oso
    Your teeth grow out when you're hit on the head.
[21:44] Oso
    Basically it's like a carpenter's plane.
[21:47] Iyami
    Sheeeh! I had no idea!
[21:51] Oso
    Well, let's go.
[21:53] Iyami
    Huh?
[21:55] Oso
    Come on.
[22:04] Oso
    Now we can sell all we want, Mr. Flag.
[22:07] Hata
    I'll make even more money, jo!
SIGN    Next Time on Osomatsu-san
SIGN    "Todomatsu and the Five Demons" "Going North"
[23:45] Todo
    This is Todomatsu.
[23:46] Todo
    This is what you can expect
    from the next "Osomatsu-san."